Leon Brown: So Here's Me

[Sofa Sloth]

More Testimonials...

I happened upon a girl taking idiotic selfies in an eatery downtown. She was bright orange, scoffing a vegan hotdog and had a big fake squinting smile, so I knew just what to do with her type. A short sharp blast to her hotdog hole with the COL Hose Extender and problem solved. Thanks Unwoke COL! - Ova Defakery, Chicago.

I found this fraud acting like a toddler and posing in a ridiculous manner. It was really getting on my lawn, so I set the trusty COL blast hose attachment on her (just on minimal power mind you), but still gave her a very decent shove backwards. Highly recommend. - Notta Brownfan

Edited September 25, 2019 by Sofa Sloth

[Kohola3]

OK, I'm proposing we collect these excellent pictures and testimonials and publish our own catalog.  With the number of retirees out there our COL ranks would swell!

[Rabbit Hutch]

23 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Wonderful Toodles, thank you for your order! 

We do have a deal on at the moment, buy 5 COL Hose Attachments and receive one of our special indoor or outdoor COL Sweepers absolutely FREE! 

The Indoor COL Sweeper is perfect for ridding your home of any woke intruders that may make it past your lawn with their ridiculous blathering. To use:- Swing in a threatening fashion until you make contact, the sweeper will then give the woke folx a sharp shove off to the lawn or doorstep (where you can then easily finish it off with the COL Outdoor Sweeper or COL Hose Attachment.)

The Outdoor COL Sweeper is a classic style, it’s strong simple design, is perfect for delivering a sharp wallop to the woke folx behind, ensuring their swift and effective removal from your premises. 

Please do not hesitate to contact us to choose your free gift and thank you again for your order!

I'm busting a gut over here!!!! 🤣

[Rabbit Hutch]

20 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I think the most important thing to see on that schedule is all the white space. 

She made it just blurry enough that you can't blow it up and see the words, but her use of long arrows after an entry to me is BS and she's just padding the time in for more woke lattes and posing for Instagram posts.

When I was in grad school  I had 2 whiteboards going with my schedule- that little daytimer of hers  would have disintegrated under the weight.  😏

[laurakaye]

19 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

OK, I'm proposing we collect these excellent pictures and testimonials and publish our own catalog.  With the number of retirees out there our COL ranks would swell!

Don't know about the rest of you but logging into this thread has become dangerous lately - do NOT sip hot beverages while reading, that's all I can say about that!

20 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Perfect! @laurakaye you’ll be seller of the year on the Unwoke COL cruise with sales tactics like that! Welcome aboard! You will be at the pointy end of the pyramid as a COL Captain. Please continue to mercilessly recruit your friends and family to fill our many tiers, and read some of our testimonials to help you get underway with your new business. 

I've already thrown out my husband's tools, his lawnmower and his truck to make room in my garage to hang and display my various hoses and accompanying attachments.  Right now he's a bit miffed that I've destroyed his livelihood but he won't mind one bit when it starts raining money.

[xwordfanatik]

Raining money, what a great expression!  Love it.

Her Royal Wokeness probably thinks it should be raining money on her, all the time.  After all, she's been to Bali and studied yoga with the masters!  I can't wait until phony poser Mariah has to get a REAL job.  Oh wait, blessed Mother Meri will give her cash out the ass from increasing her LuLaNo downline.  Never mind.

[Jeanne222]

I'd like one of those hose pictures right in her scrunchy little face!!!  Thank you very much!

[ginger90]

[DakotaJustice]

Zzzzzz

Okay good for her working out and all, but she's getting boring. Are we going to see her on the toilet next?

Edited September 26, 2019 by DakotaJustice

[Natalie68]

32 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Re ass on fire, did she dip into the jalapenos again???

[Sandy W]

Does Mariah get free gym privileges for mentioning the name of the facility in her Instagrams?  Maybe comped meals for printing the name of the establishment she frequents that week.

How would one go about that? 

Mariah:---May I speak to the manager please? 

Manager:---What's up? 

Mariah:---I'd really, really love to be able to work out/eat at your gym/bistro, but I'm just a poor college student and can't afford to pay the freight, BUT, I am a TV Star on the TLC program Sister Wives, with a huge following on Instagram and BTW, I'm also🌈 and an Influencer with that group, so in exchange for me publishing the name of your place of business, would you consider giving me free use of your gym and instructors/most expensive items on your menu (whatever the case may be).

Manager:---Never heard of this TV show but you standing here whining is driving my other customers out, so OK, just don't expect to bring your Sisters or Wives around here for handouts too.  Now get outta here! 

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Natalie68 said:

Re ass on fire, did she dip into the jalapenos again???

Damn if that doesn't remind me of one of my favorite shows.  Howard doing his imitation of Raj's accent, saying something like, "this curry is setting my ass on fire."

Also, in a flashback attack, it also reminds me of eating red hot Cheetos years ago.  Never again!

How on earth does Mariah aka Pudge manage to document every damn thing she ever does involving moving a muscle?  Why do her followers hang on her every dumb word?  It's a puzzle to this COL.

[DakotaJustice]

2 hours ago, Sandy W said:

Does Mariah get free gym privileges for mentioning the name of the facility in her Instagrams?  Maybe comped meals for printing the name of the establishment she frequents that week.

How would one go about that? 

Mariah:---May I speak to the manager please? 

Manager:---What's up? 

Mariah:---I'd really, really love to be able to work out/eat at your gym/bistro, but I'm just a poor college student and can't afford to pay the freight, BUT, I am a TV Star on the TLC program Sister Wives, with a huge following on Instagram and BTW, I'm also🌈 and an Influencer with that group, so in exchange for me publishing the name of your place of business, would you consider giving me free use of your gym and instructors/most expensive items on your menu (whatever the case may be).

Manager:---Never heard of this TV show but you standing here whining is driving my other customers out, so OK, just don't expect to bring your Sisters or Wives around here for handouts too.  Now get outta here! 

The tag is of her personal trainer.

If this is the trainer's livelihood, she can't afford to give free training sessions - she only has 3,058 followers which is piddly poo. 

As a comparison, my own coach has 38,000 IG followers. 

[B in Lee]

On 9/25/2019 at 8:36 AM, laurakaye said:

Step 1 - spend an hour writing tiny cryptic notes in a planner.  Account for every hour, making sure to add in time for yoga, coffee, self-care, brunch, shilling, grifting, whining, selfies, and "studying."

Step 2 - carve out at least 90 minutes in the kitchen composing a bowl consisting of several types of grain/fruit/nuts, making sure to keep the syrup and sugar hidden at the bottom.  Repeat as much as is necessary to get just the right combo of "inedible" and "woke."  Feed the crap that doesn't look quite right to the dogs, or Audj.

Step 3 - choose a mug from the pile of unwashed dishes in the sink - preferably one that has a "woke" expression written on it, or perhaps that cool one that you nicked from the coffee shop down the street.  Pour a cup of coffee so strong that your followers can smell it through the screen.

Step 4 - spend as much time as you need arranging and re-arranging each item to its maximum potential to allow your followers to see how very very busy, important, and crunchy you are.  Take and delete as many photos as you must.  Seriously, take all day if need be.  This is the most important step in the process.  Xtra woke points if you can include your feet, your tats or your armpit in the shot.  It gets easier with practice - within a month or more of daily posting, you should be able to get this portion down to about two and a half hours.

Step 5 - Make sure Audj is home to feed and walk the dogs so they don't disturb you while you take a long nap, because wokeness is exhausting and your uterus is complaining.

I agree!  And the funniest part of it all is that Mariah herself poses in such ways that make her actually appear to be blasting away in a spray of ice-cold water!  Bravo!

Sorry. I don't give a f@ck how "woke" you are (just what does that MEAN, anyway?) I don't wanna see a closeup of your hairy arm pit. No. Nope. Uh-uh. 

[skipnjump]

12 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Is it me, or is she only wearing socks for this workout with the kettlebells?  Why isn't she wearing shoes?  Imagine the lawsuit if she dropped a weight on her unprotected foot.

[laurakaye]

12 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

How on earth does Mariah aka Pudge manage to document every damn thing she ever does involving moving a muscle?  Why do her followers hang on her every dumb word?  It's a puzzle to this COL.

And who is taking the photos?  Surely not her trainer - did she drag Audj with her?  Or is she honestly messing around with the timer on her phone to get these shots?  Can you imagine, you go to your favorite gym to pump some iron only to be treated to this random newbie snowflake who keeps glaring at you every time you wander into her shot?  I'd be tempted to "accidentally" drop a 25-lb dumbbell on her phone.

[ginger90]

Newsletter update: it is supposed to be a weekly update. The first, and only one I have received:

[laurakaye]

Why don't Mariah and Janelle just join forces and put out a monthly newsletter packed with rockstar food items, selfie tips, recipes, and maybe a word search or something?  I'd subscribe just to have something to add to my compost pile. 

[Kohola3]

What stands out to me is the size of the panniculus in the first picture.  For someone so young to have all of that adipose hanging there is pretty shocking.  The painted on pants don't help, either.

And what is "train with justice" anyway? Is "justice" someone's name?  Or is it some sort of gym that only allows woke people fighting for some sort of social rights? 

[Sofa Sloth]

She is so arrogant to assume she needs a newsletter in the first place, but then to refer to herself as a - community. Ugh. 

She sure got a healthy dose of self-importance from dear dad and his all knowing leadership of the ‘Kody Brown family’. 

I try to like her. I really do try to find redeeming qualities in her. She just makes it impossible.

(Also side note! Good news to my fellow MLM’ers and buyers, Unwoke COL is releasing a homewares range for the indoor threatening of woke folx! Enjoy this sneak peek of the Unwoke COL Frypan in action and stay tuned for a newsletter actually worth reading). 

Edited September 27, 2019 by Sofa Sloth

[Fig Newton]

Holy mother of bullshit.

WTF is she doing??
ASS ON FIRE ?????????

Why? She looks like she is doing porn influencing. 

And, as per usual, she fucking stinks ! I don't know how or why all of her pictures seem to be sort of a "scratch and sniff", but I feel like her woke stench just permeates through my screen.

[Sandy W]

1 hour ago, ginger90 said:

Newsletter update: it is supposed to be a weekly update. The first, and only one I have received:

I wonder if some sort of crisis befell Pudge and Sludge in late August, early September.  It was around that time that Audge put forth her plaintive missive explaining why she couldn't get her orders shipped out and now THIS.  Mariah around the same time fails to keep her legions of followers apprised of their weekly dose of real wellness.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

What stands out to me is the size of the panniculus in the first picture.  For someone so young to have all of that adipose hanging there is pretty shocking.  The painted on pants don't help, either.

I know, her lower abdomen hangs like mine when I bend down like that.  But I'm 61 years old, what's her excuse?  I didn't even have an abdomen that would do that until menopause.

[CouchTater]

I don't follow Mariah.  Can anyone tell me, do any of her sibs ever comment or at least like any of her posts?  This family fascinates me so much.

[Rhondinella]

On 9/18/2019 at 7:47 AM, Sofa Sloth said:

Boo-fucking-hoo Mariah. 

I left home today at 6am, after starting my day at 4am (after being woken twice in the night by my toddler), dropped kids at daycare, long commute, finished work at 5pm, another long commute, picked my kids up after 6, then home to feed them, bathe them, read to them, make lunches for tomorrow, put them to bed, it’s now 9.30pm and I’m just sitting for the first time in hours by myself to scoff down dinner while reading this thread before doing necessary housework and repeating it all again tomorrow. Enjoy lounging with your feet up complaining about how long YOUR fancy free childless student day is, you clueless moron 😆 

I sincerely hope this post doesn’t come across as ‘poor me’, she just needs a serious reality check if a few 12 hour days of life is worth a ‘I work so hard’ post. I was pulling 12 hour shifts even as a teenage checkout chick and then studying after as well once 🙄 This is a completely normal day for many working or studying people, (especially parents), most of the world is in the same boat, or much worse off than you, when it comes to being busy. Welcome to reality special snowflake. 

I always told my college students "If you think you're busy now, wait til you have a family and a job." They never believe you when you tell them that college is the most unstructured time they're likely to ever have in life. 

Grad school is admittedly harder, but as someone who did grad school part-time while working full time and having two young kids, I don't have much sympathy for someone doing grad school full-time with no children to care for. That's the dream for most grad students. 

[Twopper]

2 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

And what is "train with justice" anyway? Is "justice" someone's name?  Or is it some sort of gym that only allows woke people fighting for some sort of social rights? 

 She is just trying to sound profound and "woke."  Fail. 

That's all I got.   I need one of those hoses for us COLs as I just realized the only  hoses we have at the moment are soaker hoses.

Edited September 27, 2019 by Twopper

[laurakaye]

14 minutes ago, CouchTater said:

I don't follow Mariah.  Can anyone tell me, do any of her sibs ever comment or at least like any of her posts?  This family fascinates me so much.

Good question!  I would like to know this too.  I don't think the other kids have much use for Mariah's social media twaddle, but you'd think the moms would be all over her crap for the sake of family unity and to make sure the TLC gravy train keeps on sputtering.

[Kohola3]

8 minutes ago, Rhondinella said:

Grad school is admittedly harder....

I still maintain that she's not really in grad school or, if she is, it's one class.  She must spend 6 hours a day posting online, posing, and visiting local eateries.  When would she have time to even go to a class,  I call BS on the whole grad school story.

[laurakaye]

10 minutes ago, Twopper said:

 That's all I got.   I need one of those hoses for us COLs as I just realized the only  hoses we have at the moment are soaker hoses.

Well!  You're in luck!  As soon as I get my shipment and catalog, I will send you a free trial of our most popular spray attachment, the "Waterlogger!"  All you have to do is send me a check for $5,000 for your own start-up kit!  Included is a short YouTube video from @Sofa Sloth explaining how you too can get in on the bottom floor of this fantastic, exciting money-making scheme grift gimmick opportunity!  Welcome aboard - you're snared trapped cornered one of us now!!

Edited September 27, 2019 by laurakaye

[TurtlePower]

17 hours ago, DakotaJustice said:

Zzzzzz

Okay good for her working out and all, but she's getting boring. Are we going to see her on the toilet next?

Which Her Royal Wokeness will follow up by gobbling a large brunch instead of mindful, post-workout nutrition—a mistake many people make and then they wonder why their body isn’t changing. 

“But, I work out! I should be able to eat whatever I want!” In Mariah’s case, she unfortunately has genetics going against her given her physique is already that of a middle age woman. It’s a smack in the face when people finally realize nutrition is more important than the workouts (especially for the metabolism-challenged). 

Now let’s see what eatery Wokey-Woke shares next! 

[Jeanne222]

I have never seen anybody really work out in sox.  I go to the gym four times a week and have never seen that.  They always have gym's on.  I'm going to take a good look next week and will let you know!

[DakotaJustice]

5 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

I have never seen anybody really work out in sox.  I go to the gym four times a week and have never seen that.  They always have gym's on.  I'm going to take a good look next week and will let you know!

I've never been but I think Bar Method does its workout in socks. I had a pair of Bar Method Sox. They have those slip preventing dots on the bottom. 

[Jeanne222]

7 minutes ago, DakotaJustice said:

I've never been but I think Bar Method does its workout in socks. I had a pair of Bar Method Sox. They have those slip preventing dots on the bottom. 

I went to youtube to have a look and found these.

Edited September 27, 2019 by Jeanne222

[Sofa Sloth]

6 hours ago, Sandy W said:

I wonder if some sort of crisis befell Pudge and Sludge in late August, early September.  It was around that time that Audge put forth her plaintive missive explaining why she couldn't get her orders shipped out and now THIS.  Mariah around the same time fails to keep her legions of followers apprised of their weekly dose of real wellness.

I still maintain there was a breakup after Bali or at least a few big fights. There were so many pointed posts she made at that time and Auj didn't like any of them. Plus there was a lack of squinty selfies with Auj, just self care posts.

5 hours ago, CouchTater said:

I don't follow Mariah.  Can anyone tell me, do any of her sibs ever comment or at least like any of her posts?  This family fascinates me so much.

This is a snapshot for her likes from family. This the most she’s had lately from them (that I can see) at any one time. Usually It’s a combination of these family members and occasionally Janelle and Mitch. Kody and Robyn have all but disappeared from Instagram. Very seldom will she get comments but it’s usually the mothers and Aspyn who do. Never see any likes or comments from Maddie to her and rarely from Mykelti also. She gets a lot less family likes for her arty book and coffee/food posts and more for the squinty selfies. 

[Jeanne222]

Bar Method 

[ginger90]

Edited September 27, 2019 by ginger90
Wanted to add, the first one is a video.

[lookeyloo]

3 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Restorative Justice is really a thing.  I used to be involved somewhat before I retired.  I would love to read her paper.

[Kohola3]

Oh, for fuck's sake what kind of trauma has she had in her snowflake life.  She's been a privileged spoiled brat from the get go.  What the hell does she have to "heal" from.

I wouldn't wish bad things on anyone but man this bozo needs to see some real trauma before she spouts off on how it should be handled.

And what the hell is restorative justice.  She makes this crap up all of the time and it's just gibberish.

I need the giant sized hose.  AND the broom.  And throw in a pitchfork, too!

Edited September 27, 2019 by Kohola3

[xwordfanatik]

48 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

Oh, for fuck's sake what kind of trauma has she had in her snowflake life.  She's been a privileged spoiled brat from the get go.  What the hell does she have to "heal" from.

I wouldn't wish bad things on anyone but man this bozo needs to see some real trauma before she spouts off on how it should be handled.

And what the hell is restorative justice.  She makes this crap up all of the time and it's just gibberish.

I need the giant sized hose.  AND the broom.  And throw in a pitchfork, too!

Don't forget the cast iron skillet!  

"Grace to others?"  That's rich, coming from Pretentious Pudgy Poo-Poo Princess.  She couldn't offer grace to anyone if she tried.  Me, me, me, self-love, self-care, SELFISH beyond measure.  Go suck an egg, fool.

[TurtlePower]

49 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

Oh, for fuck's sake what kind of trauma has she had in her snowflake life.  She's been a privileged spoiled brat from the get go.  What the hell does she have to "heal" from.

I wouldn't wish bad things on anyone but man this bozo needs to see some real trauma before she spouts off on how it should be handled.

And what the hell is restorative justice.  She makes this crap up all of the time and it's just gibberish.

I need the giant sized hose.  AND the broom.  And throw in a pitchfork, too!

Uh, yeah. I’m sure she doesn’t have PTSD from seeing people ripped in half or from beatings or anything like that. 

Maybe her waffles were cold one day and she was upset. 

[DakotaJustice]

58 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Restorative Justice is really a thing.  I used to be involved somewhat before I retired.  I would love to read her paper.

Words... words....

[deirdra]

Is her blue coffee cup the size of a pitcher or did she photoshop it in to create her vignette of coffee and restorative justice with laptop? It appears to be floating in the air.

I need to heal after watching that video of a pale manatee doing yoga while watching non-zen TV.  

Edited September 27, 2019 by deirdra

[Absolom]

Restorative justice IIRC is the practice of trying to rehabilitate criminal offenders by reconciling them with their victims.

[Natalie68]

3 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

I still maintain there was a breakup after Bali or at least a few big fights. There were so many pointed posts she made at that time and Auj didn't like any of them. Plus there was a lack of squinty selfies with Auj, just self care posts.

This is a snapshot for her likes from family. This the most she’s had lately from them (that I can see) at any one time. Usually It’s a combination of these family members and occasionally Janelle and Mitch. Kody and Robyn have all but disappeared from Instagram. Very seldom will she get comments but it’s usually the mothers and Aspyn who do. Never see any likes or comments from Maddie to her and rarely from Mykelti also. She gets a lot less family likes for her arty book and coffee/food posts and more for the squinty selfies. 

Audge was probably mad Meri didn't pay for her to go to Bali as well.  It has to suck to be partnered with a spoiled princess of nothing special and have to sit on the sidelines.  Also, maybe Pudge got a little too close to a fellow woke person in Bali.  OR Pudge bogarted all the doobs.

[Natalie68]

2 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

Oh, for fuck's sake what kind of trauma has she had in her snowflake life.  She's been a privileged spoiled brat from the get go.  What the hell does she have to "heal" from.

I wouldn't wish bad things on anyone but man this bozo needs to see some real trauma before she spouts off on how it should be handled.

And what the hell is restorative justice.  She makes this crap up all of the time and it's just gibberish.

I need the giant sized hose.  AND the broom.  And throw in a pitchfork, too!

Well for one, her goddam house in Vegas was NOT ready for Christmas!  Live through that why don't you!!!  THEN, her sisters made fun of her when she burned the crepe's at Xmas.  How can you sit there and wonder what trauma she has endured????  Is it not obvious???  HA!

[Jeanne222]

2 hours ago, deirdra said:

Is her blue coffee cup the size of a pitcher or did she photoshop it in to create her vignette of coffee and restorative justice with laptop? It appears to be floating in the air.

I need to heal after watching that video of a pale manatee doing yoga while watching non-zen TV.  

We all need to heal from that one!  Where's that hose when we need it!

[aimlessbird]

Mariah did have to recover from the trauma of the shame her mother brought her family with her very public online infidelity!  Her absentee father couldn't help her move into her dorm that one time because Truely had the nerve to get seriously ill.  More trauma so even more healing needed!  Mariah is simply pointing out how difficult her life has been even though she never has had to deal with death, illness, financial worries, hunger, homelessness or abuse.  It's difficult being so seriously woke and suffering.  We all need to have a lot more sympathy and compassion for her!  LOL

[Gramto6]

4 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Restorative Justice is really a thing.  I used to be involved somewhat before I retired.  I would love to read her paper.

My guess, read that book she showed and you will get the gist of her paper. 😉

ETA: She sure looked shaky to me in that yoga video. You'd think for the expert she claims to be that  she' be very smooth and composed. Not that I could do any of what she did at all, but then I don't proclaim to be an expert teacher either.

Edited September 28, 2019 by Gramto6
Auto correct is not my friend!

[lookeyloo]

Just now, Gramto6 said:

My guess, read that book she showed and you will get the gist of her paper. 😉

Which is why I want to read it. Not because I’m expecting anything substantial 

[riverblue22]

That awful sports bra video reminds me of Whitney Thore for some reason.  Mariah is not getting any thinner, that's for sure.