Say Yes To The Dress - General Discussion

[AZChristian]

When we did a vow renewal for our 25th anniversary, we put on the invitation:  The only gift we would like is your "presence" (and perhaps a card for our memory book). 

[Marisagf]

On 2017-08-11 at 1:19 PM, Baltimore Betty said:

Can we have a show about the mothers of the brides and grooms getting dresses?  My son is getting married in September and I went with a girlfriend to look at dresses, it was fun, how often do you get to buy a long gown? I did not settle for a typical MOB dress at all.  The challenge for Randy would be to dress an older woman who may not have the perfect youthful figure, I think he would really be a help finding the perfect dress.  Think of how colorful that show would be and not one of those women (at least I hope none) would ask for a princess gown.

There was a show called "Mother of the Bride" and it took place at a place called T. Carolyn in Texas.   I remember seeing it on on of the Canadian specialty channels. 

[Quof]

Saying anything about gifts on an invitation (to any type of event - wedding, birthday party, etc) is inappropriate.   People know they can give a gift any time, for any reason - Happy Tuesday, if you like.  To say "No gifts" means you were expecting gifts, and thought you were doing your guests a favour by relieving them of that obligation.   People will figure it out on their own.  

[Kohola3]

I have to respectfully disagree.  People attending a wedding do know a gift is always expected;  I cannot think of a single instance when it is not.  Therefore, if a gift is not desired, I think that's an appropriate thing to say on the invitation.  No one wants to look like a deadbeat so will give something unless informed it is OK not to.  I would rather see that than mumble under my breath that a second or third marriage between people with fully equipped homes are just inviting me as a money grab.

[AZChristian]

16 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

I have to respectfully disagree.  People attending a wedding do know a gift is always expected;  I cannot think of a single instance when it is not.  Therefore, if a gift is not desired, I think that's an appropriate thing to say on the invitation.  No one wants to look like a deadbeat so will give something unless informed it is OK not to.  I would rather see that than mumble under my breath that a second or third marriage between people with fully equipped homes are just inviting me as a money grab.

Thanks, Kohola3.  Even for a vow renewal, we wanted to make it clear that we wanted folks to celebrate with us, and did not want gifts.  (And no one brought gifts - just cards.)  On the other hand, we were actually invited to a 15th anniversary party, and the "e-invitation" listed places where the married couple had registered for gifts.  My understanding is that attendance was low there.

We are moving to a new home in a couple of months.  We've been thinking about a house-warming party so folks can see it, but we would again specify "no gifts" on the invitation.  We just want to share time with friends and family, and we don't want to charge admission.

[Hockeymom]

46 minutes ago, Quof said:

 

Saying anything about gifts on an invitation (to any type of event - wedding, birthday party, etc) is inappropriate.   People know they can give a gift any time, for any reason - Happy Tuesday, if you like.  To say "No gifts" means you were expecting gifts, and thought you were doing your guests a favour by relieving them of that obligation.   People will figure it out on their own.  

 

I don't mind if people tell me not to bring a gift. Not everyone will figure it out on their own. People aren't mind readers. If you are receiving an actual invitation to an evnt, whether a birthday or wedding, it is assumed you are expected to bring a gift. 

Even if you know the couple well, there can be surprises. Recently, I was invited to a wedding for an older couple. I had known them for years, even before they knew each other!  They were combining two established households. I was certain they wouldn't have the traditional bridal registry. She never had kids, and his children were long grown and not around. It was just the two of them. No need for fancy china or dinner service for eight. Since they were both retired, I thought they were in the "we just want to have fun and travel" stage of life. I had planned to get our group to chip in for some kind of "experience" gift. Like a small trip, or weekend cruise, or a nice dinner and tickets to a play, or just some fun adventure on which they wouldn't normally splurge. 

So imagine my surprise when they just casually mentioned their wedding website, complete with links to their registry. What in the world do they need with more "stuff" to store? They didn't entertain. As it is, the house was stuffed to the gills! Turns out, they wanted the full on bridal experience. From engagement party, to registering for gifts, to a swinging bachelor party, all of it. 

I gave money. I just couldn't bring myself to spend hard earned cash on another turkey platter when they already had four!!

My point is that if you leave people to figure it out, they may not end up where you want them to be! Just because you know the host well, doesn't mean you always know what they want. 

[Quof]

Quote

My point is that if you leave people to figure it out, they may not end up where you want them to be!

You shouldn't want them to be anywhere.   A wedding invitation is not an invoice (it's not a letter to Santa)  People will give you a gift when and if they choose to.  If it's not to your taste, say "Thank you" and figure out a way to donate, regift or otherwise get rid of it.  

I have the same opposition to telling guests how to dress. Adults can dress themselves.   Unless the venue has dress requirements, like a church or an exclusive club, leave people alone.  Micromanaging what your guests wear for the sake of your Instagram feed is ridiculous.  

Edited August 13, 2017 by Quof

[Hockeymom]

15 minutes ago, Quof said:

You shouldn't want them to be anywhere.   A wedding invitation is not an invoice (it's not a letter to Santa)  People will give you a gift when and if they choose to.  If it's not to your taste, say "Thank you" and figure out a way to donate, regift or otherwise get rid of it.  

I have the same opposition to telling guests how to dress. Adults can dress themselves.   Unless the venue has dress requirements, like a church or an exclusive club, leave people alone.  Micromanaging what your guests wear for the sake of your Instagram feed is ridiculous.  

Not trying to argue with you really. I agree that a wedding invitation is not an invoice. If a couple doesn't want gifts, it's entirely appropriate for them to say so. 

As far as the dress code, I can see it both ways. On the one hand, it might annoy me to have to go out and purchase a new red/ purple / green / whatever new outfit to adhere to an arbitrary dress code. On the other hand, it might be fun to just go with the flow and buy into the event as the bride and groom envision it. No one complains when they are asked to dress for a costume party. Hosts have been influencing the dress code long before Instagram.

And adults can't always dress themselves. Sometimes you need to spell it out. We were just at a funeral. It was serious, somber, and emotionally devastating. There were people (adults) who showed up in white shorts, sneakers, sun hats, mini skirts, jeans, and sundresses. It was disrespectful to say the least. You wouldn't think you'd need to tell adults to put on a damn pair of pants, a pair of shoes, or a dress that covers your ass. But there you go.

[Quof]

But how other people dress has absolutely no effect on anyone else, including the bride and groom.   If the guest is dressed inappropriately, that's a reflection on them, not anyone else.  And "costume" is built right into the name of the name of the event, Costume Party. Don't want to wear a costume, go to a different type of party.  

[AZChristian]

30 minutes ago, Hockeymom said:

And adults can't always dress themselves. Sometimes you need to spell it out. We were just at a funeral. It was serious, somber, and emotionally devastating. There were people (adults) who showed up in white shorts, sneakers, sun hats, mini skirts, jeans, and sundresses. It was disrespectful to say the least. You wouldn't think you'd need to tell adults to put on a damn pair of pants, a pair of shoes, or a dress that covers your ass. But there you go.

We live in Arizona, where there apparently is NO dress code for ANY event.  It's sad that - as you say - people can't "put on a damn pair of pants" to go somewhere other than to play golf, go to the gym, etc., which is what they are dressed for at funerals, etc., out here.

 

ETA:  We probably need to take our opinions on gifts/dress codes, etc., to Small Talk.  

Edited August 13, 2017 by AZChristian

[Hockeymom]

2 minutes ago, Quof said:

 

But how other people dress has absolutely no effect on anyone else, including the bride and groom.   If the guest is dressed inappropriately, that's a reflection on them, not anyone else. 

 

I'm sorry, but I respectfully disagree. 

The family who had guests show up to mourn a tragedy wearing shorts and sneakers were definitely effected. When you attend a funeral dressed appropriately, the message is "I empathize with your grief, I share your loss, I'm here for you." When you show up in shorts, the message is entirely different. 

The bride and groom who have a guest show up dressed inappropriately are definitely effected. This person can hijack the day. They may be in the pictures. They may be distracting, and they will certainly become the topic of conversation. This couple has just spent time, energy, and money to create a memorable event. I imagine they expect the people who share their joy to treat them with some respect.

[gonecrackers]

Regarding invitations & presents, years ago I had a party for my then 1yo & didn't want people to feel obligated to buy a gift. At my mother's suggestion I wrote 'Your presence is your present' on the invitation. People brought gifts anyway. I think it kind of backfired & I just hope the ones who didn't bring a gift didn't feel uncomfortable. I certainly didn't count & we didn't open anything until after it was over & everyone left. I guess they were all too busy to care about a gift opening anyway, because no one asked thankfully. Live & learn.

On dress preference, I am astounded how inappropriate & disrespectful people are in clothing choice when attending various events. That said I would most likely mind being told what color to wear, because I have my own issues there. But someone on Four Weddings once had "please dress modestly" on their invitation & I thought that was fine & also necessary, unfortunately.

Just my $.02.

Edited August 13, 2017 by gonecrackers

[Mrs. Hanson]

3 hours ago, AZChristian said:

We live in Arizona, where there apparently is NO dress code for ANY event.  It's sad that - as you say - people can't "put on a damn pair of pants" to go somewhere other than to play golf, go to the gym, etc., which is what they are dressed for at funerals, etc., out here.

This cracked me up!  I wanted to make one invitation for my sister with the wording:  "Dress Code is business casual.  Please do not show up looking like you just left a drum circle/Grateful Dead Concert.  Brush your hair as well.  Thank you!"  

But I didn't.  Hey she can show up in a burlap sack and it reflects on her, not me.

2 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

On dress preference, I am astounded how inappropriate & disrespectful people are in clothing choice when attending various events. That said I would most likely mind being told what color to wear, because I have my own issues there. But someone on Four Weddings once had "please dress modestly" on their invitation & I thought that was fine & also necessary, unfortunately.

I AGREE SO MUCH!  You are going to a Jewish wedding in a temple?  Cover your arms and maybe wear a dress that goes below your lower darby?  Maybe?  Geez.....am I the cranky old lady now?  LOL!  But even when I was 25 - 35 I covered up.  You are in a place of worship not Ace of Diamonds Gentlemen's Club.  

 

3 hours ago, Hockeymom said:

The bride and groom who have a guest show up dressed inappropriately are definitely effected. This person can hijack the day. They may be in the pictures. They may be distracting, and they will certainly become the topic of conversation. This couple has just spent time, energy, and money to create a memorable event. I imagine they expect the people who share their joy to treat them with some respect.

This is why I want my sister to NOT look like an extra from the cast production of "Pippin".  I think folks who do that are "all about me" - damn this happy sister....people will remember me now!!

[Missy Vixen]

We saw a SYTTD rerun last night with the bride whose parents were in Indonesia and she was FaceTiming her fifth visit to Kleinfeld's. She bought nothing. (Color me shocked.) She was getting married in a church and insisted on trying on Pnina's Greatest Stripper Fairy Hits for the ceremony, which her parents rejected with the quickness. Of course the one appropriate gown she tried on didn't have the "wow factor", so she left empty-handed.

I realize I am old and do not want my 15 minutes of fame on reality TV, but who are these people? Under what circumstances are boobs hanging out and a gown bare from mid-boob to crotch appropriate in any church setting at all? In other words, it was a setup for the show, just like the chick who wanted a Pnina on a "2-3,000" budget and here comes fairy godmother Pnina to knock the dress down to "cost". (Pnina, I could run something up at our house with rhinestones and polyester satin for $250 or so, so your 3,000 "at cost" gown is BS in the first place.) 

AAARGH.

[abbey]

I watched that same episode with the bride whose parents were in Indonesia.  They kept telling her they wanted her to be move covered up and yet she still kept coming out in strapless etc dresses.  The consultants didn't seem to be attempting to suggest something more modest.  In addition, another episode I saw last weekend had a bride who specifically said she wanted something more modest out of respect for her late grandfather . Again out come the strapless dresses.  I am so sick of them.  Doesn't Kleinfeld's have anything other than strapless?  The show is getting boring because everything is strapless and or Pnina's monstrosities.

[Kohola3]

27 minutes ago, abbey said:

The show is getting boring because everything is strapless and or Pnina's monstrosities.

Getting boring?  Way past that in my estimation; I stopped watching long ago.  If I ever read a comment here about something different I might try it again but it's doubtful.  

[AZChristian]

I remember when Michelle Duggar went to Kleinfeld's for a dress for her vow renewal; she was slightly pregnant (duh), but they still kept putting her in stuff that was inappropriate for a woman of her size and age.  Jim Bob asked if they had anything with sleeves, and they looked at him like he'd pooped in the middle of their floor.  She finally ended up in a dress with a bolero over it.

 

ETA:  Found a picture online.  Not sure if it was a bolero or they added fabric to make a high neckline and sleeves.

Edited August 14, 2017 by AZChristian

[abbey]

1 hour ago, AZChristian said:

I remember when Michelle Duggar went to Kleinfeld's for a dress for her vow renewal; she was slightly pregnant (duh), but they still kept putting her in stuff that was inappropriate for a woman of her size and age.  Jim Bob asked if they had anything with sleeves, and they looked at him like he'd pooped in the middle of their floor.  She finally ended up in a dress with a bolero over it.

 

ETA:  Found a picture online.  Not sure if it was a bolero or they added fabric to make a high neckline and sleeves.

With the episode last weekend with the bride wanting a modest dress out of respect for her grandfather that is what the consultants did.  They put her in a strapless dress with a lacy bolero with long sleeves over it.  ???? Don't they have ANY dresses that have long sleeves? It is just the same stuff week after week.  I got my hopes up when the bride specifically mentioned a modest dress but my hopes were dashed almost immediately. 

[cpcathy]

I remember attending quite a few wedding in my early twenties and all the dresses had long sleeves. Long sleeves, poofy shoulders (not as poofy as 80's dresses though) and full skirts, with beading. How times change. I was lucky to find a dress with spaghetti straps. If I'd had extra money I would have paid to have pretty cap sleeves put on.

[Quof]

Quote

Don't they have ANY dresses that have long sleeves?

They have featured conservative/Orthodox Jewish brides and mentioned they have a selection of dresses that meet their religious requirements, including long sleeves.  Haven't seen those in a while.  

[7isBlue]

I am watching the "Girl Without a Job"  episode and I want to throw something at her. She is one of the most obnoxious brides I've seen on this show (that's saying something, lol)! Ugh, and the up-talking and vocal fryyyyyyyyyy! "So, seriously? This is, like, awsoooome?"

[TwirlyGirly]

2 hours ago, 7isBlue said:

I am watching the "Girl Without a Job"  episode and I want to throw something at her. She is one of the most obnoxious brides I've seen on this show (that's saying something, lol)! Ugh, and the up-talking and vocal fryyyyyyyyyy! "So, seriously? This is, like, awsoooome?"

Her name is Claudia Oshry, daughter of Pamela Geller. If you're not familiar:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pamela_Geller

Edited August 15, 2017 by TwirlyGirly

[VGL]

The bride with no job has a registry

 

https://www.bloomingdales.com/registry/wedding/guest/?perfectProxy=true&registryId=6633289&PartnerID=WEDDINGCHANNEL&LinkshareID=588908173&ref=wc

[Kohola3]

A $225 teapot and a $160 bowl?  Maybe she's planning on selling it all on eBay for an income.

[gonecrackers]

Someone will be well stocked after the divorce.

[gonecrackers]

She honored the wish for no updating on the dress, which was lovely, but just a bit more close fitting on the sleeves would've been nicer I think. The dress was so elegant & unique; I'm a sucker for floral.

Such a refreshing wedding dress story...

https://www.yahoo.com/style/bride-wears-grandma-apos-dress-193143561.html

[Kohola3]

What a gorgeous dress!  The bridezillas that want "something different" and "classic" but end up with a stripper fairy Pnina should see this.  

[cpcathy]

That is pretty! I love the color and the pattern.

[Mrs. Hanson]

4 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

What a gorgeous dress!  The bridezillas that want "something different" and "classic" but end up with a stripper fairy Pnina should see this.  

I agree!!!  If brides want to be beautiful, classy and different (hear that a lot) take a cue from this young lady.  Pattern, color and fit are just lovely.

[doodlebug]

1 hour ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I agree!!!  If brides want to be beautiful, classy and different (hear that a lot) take a cue from this young lady.  Pattern, color and fit are just lovely.

And even lovelier is the wonderful sentiment behind wearing her grandmother's dress.  One of the nicest weddings I ever attended was back in the mid 1980's (they're still married).  The bride wore her mother's dress from her wedding in the 1950's.  Except for minor alterations, she didn't change a thing.  The gesture meant so much to her and to her mother and was a real tribute to their relationship.  Familial love and respect never goes out of style.  Meanwhile, we've got these twits on this show who are perfectly thrilled that their grandparents will get a close look at the good china as they walk down the aisle.

[roughing it]

The grandma in the story kind of looks like consultant Debbie... (photo looks better in the yahoo link in the post above)

 

Edited August 17, 2017 by roughing it

[Lovecat]

"Are you saying yes to the cape, the romper, and the overskirt?"

Well that's a sentence that should never even be whispered, let alone aired on national television.  With an affirmative response. 

ETA:  I'm pretty sure that in the footage from her wedding (this is the Grand Canyon bride, BTW), the neckline on her (gag) romper was riding so low they had to blur out the edge of her left aureola.  Also, her husband seems perpetually coked out.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Lovecat

[roughing it]

Lovecat, this episode was a rerun.  Check out the comments in this forum around Page 21 and/or April 22, from when the episode originally aired.  Where in the world do they find these brides??

[Mrs. Hanson]

15 hours ago, Lovecat said:

"Are you saying yes to the cape, the romper, and the overskirt?"

What the hell?  I do remember this one, though.  (I need to get out more.)  A wedding ROMPER? 

[Kohola3]

7 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

A wedding ROMPER?

For anyone over the age of 2, "romper" simply should not refer to a piece of clothing to be worn.

[Me from ME]

Quote

maybe wear a dress that goes below your lower darby?

Sorry to be off topic but we must both listen to the same radio station. The one at which that phrase originated.

Back on topic: TLC please get rid of Shay. I FF through his constant displays of narcissism and hand flapping freakouts.

[Baltimore Betty]

2 minutes ago, Me from ME said:

Sorry to be off topic but we must both listen to the same radio station. The one at which that phrase originated.

Back on topic: TLC please get rid of Shay. I FF through his constant displays of narcissism and hand flapping freakouts.

And the fact that he wears t shirts and skinny jeans when Randy is wearing well tailored suits...Shay looks more like a back room stock boy than a consultant.

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 8/11/2017 at 1:39 PM, Baltimore Betty said:

Yes, those women in competition with their daughters, entertainment value for sure!

I am grateful when I got married in 1994 (the first time!  LOL!) my mom was M-E-L-L-O-W about this issue.  I swear she bought her dress three days before and looked classy and wonderful.  No drama, no "all about her" - and she and my first mother in law eloped when they each got married so I was bracing myself!!!

 

On 8/25/2017 at 6:53 AM, Baltimore Betty said:

And the fact that he wears t shirts and skinny jeans when Randy is wearing well tailored suits...Shay looks more like a back room stock boy than a consultant.

Yep!  If I was paying for Kleinfeld's and he walked in with his bumper tennis shoes, UnderArmor shirt and jeans I would be "What he hell?"  

 

On 8/25/2017 at 6:49 AM, Me from ME said:

Sorry to be off topic but we must both listen to the same radio station. The one at which that phrase originated.

107.1FM in Minnesota?  All Entertainment?

Edited September 5, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson
better writing matters!

[Baltimore Betty]

My son's wedding was yesterday, (I'm still on a high)...the bride wore a gorgeous lace dress, it was an Essence of Australia, she looked amazing and everyone was commenting on her choice in the positive, I can only imagine the brides that show up in the Pnina see thru stripper fairy dresses the whispering that would go on and the cringe worthy pictures to come.  

[Me from ME]

Quote

107.1FM in Minnesota?  All Entertainment?

The very same! I wish there was a forum to discuss that station and its hosts. I've even tried entering their contests but their phone system won't connect to my area code. (I really wanted to win that trip to Iceland.)

[Hockeymom]

4 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I am grateful when I got married in 1994 (the first time!  LOL!) my mom was M-E-L-L-O-W about this issue.  I swear she bought her dress three days before and looked classy and wonderful.  No drama, no "all about her" - and she and my first mother in law eloped so I was bracing myself!!!

Wait a minute. Admittedly, I am a few cocktails in. But did you just say that your mother and former mother in law eloped? Together?

That is awesome!! For me, at least. Was that ok for you? How does that work at Thanksgiving? 

[TwirlyGirly]

1 hour ago, Hockeymom said:

Wait a minute. Admittedly, I am a few cocktails in. But did you just say that your mother and former mother in law eloped? Together?

That is awesome!! For me, at least. Was that ok for you? How does that work at Thanksgiving? 

ROTFLOL! That's what I thought, the first couple of times I read it. Then I realized what (I think) she meant: neither her parents-in-law nor her parents had weddings; both couples eloped. (Although the way you and I interpreted it at first was way cool, too!)

Edited September 4, 2017 by TwirlyGirly
Pluralized "couple"

[cpcathy]

Too funny! For awhile, I was thinking of potential sitcom ideas.

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, TwirlyGirly said:

ROTFLOL! That's what I thought, the first couple of times I read it. Then I realized what (I think) she meant: neither her parents-in-law nor her parents had weddings; both couples eloped. (Although the way you and I interpreted it at first was way cool, too!)

You guys crack me up!!  No, they did not elope with each other!!!  They EACH eloped with their hubbies back in the day......gotta go back and edit that!!!! LOLOL!

7 hours ago, Me from ME said:

The very same! I wish there was a forum to discuss that station and its hosts. I've even tried entering their contests but their phone system won't connect to my area code. (I really wanted to win that trip to Iceland.)

LOVE 107.1 - the hosts are all great, I laugh out loud every day!!!  Jason Matheson has a talk show that is being tested nationally.  Back to topic.....

[Spunkygal]

9 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

You guys crack me up!!  No, they did not elope with each other!!!  They EACH eloped with their hubbies back in the day......gotta go back and edit that!!!! LOLOL!

LOVE 107.1 - the hosts are all great, I laugh out loud every day!!!  Jason Matheson has a talk show that is being tested nationally.  Back to topic.....

We all got a good laugh out of picturing mom and MIL eloping together! But you know that in this day and age, it's probably happened! 

[Mrs. Hanson]

10 hours ago, Spunkygal said:

We all got a good laugh out of picturing mom and MIL eloping together! But you know that in this day and age, it's probably happened! 

I bet there is a TLC show in there somewhere!!

[Ynicknan]

It felt like this season was much shorter than normal?

[useryikes]

On 05/09/2017 at 10:08 PM, Ynicknan said:

It felt like this season was much shorter than normal?

Hopefully!  There are only so many Pnina dresses!  I'm really sick of bridezillas with no taste AND their 12 person entourage.

[Mrs. Hanson]

Ugh - saw the end of the re-run with the creepy dad w/ a bandana who was trying to boss Vera around during alterations.  "I am gonna call Randy down here."  To do WHAT, exactly?  What a jerk.  

"No, the waist needs to be dropped to HERE, not HERE."  Then they say it can't be done and he replies, "Well, it needs to be fixed....TODAY."

Edited September 17, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[Kohola3]

He was the worst.  I would wager dollars to donuts that Daddy's Little Princess is no longer married and is back living under his roof having bullied the husband to death.