Mark & Nikki: Touch That Window, Lose Your Hand

[MrsSmartyPants]

I think Mark 'broke' the show as there will never be another specimen like him. 

Those sheets look DUSTY AS SHIT.  

 

Considering how black and dirty his feet are, you'd think the blacks in the sheet would be darker...

[cooksdelight]

They're faded. Remember, he bought them 20+ years ago with Wife #1.

[WhoAmIReally]

Ah, you know the Ballmer accent hon!  You should go downy ocean while you're there too!  ;-)

 

Actually, we will be seeing the Christmas Lights in Hampden, home of the Hons! 

 

I love that picture of Nikki.  I think it's a perfect snapshot of her soul.  So much for her being "pretty inside and out", as old troll Mark says.

[ParkCirclegirl]

Those sheets look DUSTY AS SHIT.  

 

Considering how black and dirty his feet are, you'd think the blacks in the sheet would be darker...

His bedroom looks like a really bad dorm room or student housing apartment.  I never noticed but pink walls? I guess his first wife chose the color.

[RCharter]

His bedroom looks like a really bad dorm room or student housing apartment.  I never noticed but pink walls? I guess his first wife chose the color.

It feels very "Miami Vice Gone Wrong"

[Honley Lass]

His bedroom looks like a really bad dorm room or student housing apartment.  I never noticed but pink walls? I guess his first wife chose the color.

It looks like a sick salmon color - yuck!

[JocelynCavanaugh]

I don't know if Mark is actually hip, or just a broken clock striking at the right time, but the "James Spader look" is definitely in at the colleges where I've been teaching. I actually kind of like it, since I alllllmost can't remember it from the first time around.

[RCharter]

I don't know if Mark is actually hip, or just a broken clock striking at the right time, but the "James Spader look" is definitely in at the colleges where I've been teaching. I actually kind of like it, since I alllllmost can't remember it from the first time around.

James Spader was the sexiest asshole wasn't he?

[Yolapukka]

I don't think anything I've seen Mark wear, other than the car-pose outfit has fit him properly, everything looks like he bought it a size too small or a size too large, so that it either hangs or clings in an unflattering way. 

[WhoAmIReally]

Sorry about the fashion talk, but it just goes to show that our fascination with the Fabulous Specimen Known as Mark can lead us down many paths of discusssion.  He's a sociological as well as a psychological dream.  I would love for him to have his own show:  "It's Me!  Mark!"  where he talks about his many fascinating life decisions, experiences, and philosophies while going about his daily tasks.  Fashion, gardening, cooking, decorating, dating, parenting--it's endless!  I think he should get a book deal, at least.  I am mostly serious.  I would love to know how his mind works--he's so deliciously weird and creepy!  Why the sheets, Mark?  Why haven't you removed your back hair?  How can you eat such huge plates of food and remain slim? (Hope Nikki doesn't pork up, or she's outta there.)  Why is it troubling that women are fiercely independent?  Do you spurge on Charmin or use the bargain brand?  How do you have a full set of teeth with no cavities at your age?  Do you think lip balm is addicting?  What's your first memory?  Sigh.  We will never know. 

[RCharter]

^^and where exactly is your ex-wife buried Mark?  Or did you dissolve her in acid?  Inquiring minds want to know!

[WhoAmIReally]

His ex was caught doing 45 mph in a 30 last summer, so I guess she learned to drive and is ok.  She gave her address as the same town Mark lives in.  Even more drama for our show!  What if they run into each other at the grocery store?

[evilmindatwork]

Really makes you wonder if the kids were actually abandoned huh? Or if MARK was the one who was abandoned. 

[sleepyjean]

Hope Nikki doesn't pork up, or she's outta there.

 

I never thought of that, but if she did gain weight, I can easily see him sitting her down for a talking to. He would start off with "my first wife gained weight too" then go into how he always required his children to maintain a certain level of fitness, then seque into how he's not going to replace her wardrobe every six months because she's getting fat. Then he will do that weird passive-aggressive thing he does to browbeat her into some kind of exercise. But it will have to be something that does not involve spending money or interacting with other people. So no gym membership for Nikki.

[guilfoyleatpp]

James Spader was the sexiest asshole wasn't he?

 

ZOMG, yes. I still have major feels for him and we're both old. And he's lost the asshole blonde thing, but he's still got that sexy voice and ridiculous confidence. Rawr.

 

Hope Nikki doesn't pork up, or she's outta there.

 

I never thought of that, but if she did gain weight, I can easily see him sitting her down for a talking to. He would start off with "my first wife gained weight too" then go into how he always required his children to maintain a certain level of fitness, then seque into how he's not going to replace her wardrobe every six months because she's getting fat. Then he will do that weird passive-aggressive thing he does to browbeat her into some kind of exercise. But it will have to be something that does not involve spending money or interacting with other people. So no gym membership for Nikki.

 

I'm sure if Nikki gains weight he will reference his "standard of living."

 

Interestingly, both Mr. Guilfoyle and I commented on how she is bound to gain some weight. Our diet here is just so different (not really in a good way) and the snack foods that are engineered to be delicious are probably quite a lot less expensive and easier to come by than they are in Cebu.  I recall, eons ago, that friends I had who were exchange students coming here would gain about 15 pounds across the board (one of my ES friends complained to me about it), while the girls I knew who had gone to other countries ended up losing weight while there.

 

I hope for Nikki's sake that won't be a point of contention for her and Mr. Completely-Misses-The-Mark.

Edited December 15, 2015 by guilfoyleatpp

[RCharter]

ZOMG, yes. I still have major feels for him and we're both old. And he's lost the asshole blonde thing, but he's still got that sexy voice and ridiculous confidence. Rawr.

 

 

I'm sure if Nikki gains weight he will reference his "standard of living."

 

Interestingly, both Mr. Guilfoyle and I commented on how she is bound to gain some weight. Our diet here is just so different (not really in a good way) and the snack foods that are engineered to be delicious are probably quite a lot less expensive and easier to come by than they are in Cebu.  I recall, eons ago, that friends I had who were exchange students coming here would gain about 15 pounds across the board (one of my ES friends complained to me about it), while the girls I knew who had gone to other countries ended up losing weight while there.

 

I hope for Nikki's sake that won't be a point of contention for her and Mr. Completely-Misses-The-Mark.

Well, I'm sure he will threaten to send her back and she will get so stressed that she will lose the weight, or she will find a way to get pregnant so he can't hold that over her head anymore....

 

Yeah, James Spader still does have a certain je ne sais quoi!

[WhoAmIReally]

She is pretty tall and still has the metabolism of youth, but her boredom and the food Mark serves (pancake stacks, eggrolls, whatever massive plate of food he served at her birthday dinner) may cause her to gain weight.  I think this will upset Mark, since he seems to be so weight conscious himself.  Plus it will destroy her chances of a modeling career (eye roll) and she won't look so hot in a bikini. 

 

As we speak, she's probably sitting in front of the TV eating a family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.  What else does she have to do?

[RCharter]

She is pretty tall and still has the metabolism of youth, but her boredom and the food Mark serves (pancake stacks, eggrolls, whatever massive plate of food he served at her birthday dinner) may cause her to gain weight.  I think this will upset Mark, since he seems to be so weight conscious himself.  Plus it will destroy her chances of a modeling career (eye roll) and she won't look so hot in a bikini. 

 

As we speak, she's probably sitting in front of the TV eating a family-size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.  What else does she have to do?

The nanosecond she isn't a fit complement for the specimen she gets sent back home.

[citychic]

What really pissed me off about Mark was that he clearly held on to that real engagement ring until Nikki signed the prenuptial. The ring wasn't bought for her specifically either, it was bought for the first woman to learn to behave. 

[WhoAmIReally]

Well, kids, I'm back from Baltimore and although I looked hard, did not see Mark and Nikki strolling about.  I did, however, get my friend hooked on the show and she is going to watch the whole season On Demand.  We fast-forwarded though Fernando, Kyle, and Loren.  Mark, Aleksandra, and Devar give plenty of satisfaction on their own.

[RCharter]

Well, kids, I'm back from Baltimore and although I looked hard, did not see Mark and Nikki strolling about.  I did, however, get my friend hooked on the show and she is going to watch the whole season On Demand.  We fast-forwarded though Fernando, Kyle, and Loren.  Mark, Aleksandra, and Devar give plenty of satisfaction on their own.

well you probably just didn't hit up the right Forever 21.  It happens.

[Miss Chevious]

With all the news about Dani/Mo's breakup that's going on right now, I can't help but wonder if, in about 18 months from now we'll be hearing the same thing about these two. Pay attention, Nikki!

[RCharter]

With all the news about Dani/Mo's breakup that's going on right now, I can't help but wonder if, in about 18 months from now we'll be hearing the same thing about these two. Pay attention, Nikki!

Mark is a specimen, no way he chases after her.  He will get right back online and look for an even younger "songbird"  

 

I mean, either he can use the zipties to propose to them, or kidnap them....either way, mission accomplished.

[WhoAmIReally]

Mark is a specimen, no way he chases after her.  He will get right back online and look for an even younger "songbird"  

 

I mean, either he can use the zipties to propose to them, or kidnap them....either way, mission accomplished.

 

I don't think he'll go for a dumb young one again who's full of hope.  He needs someone who's been crushed a little by life and will be more grateful for his largesse.  Someone pleasant and servile, who walks around with a cleaning rag in a bikini, servicing his every compulsive need, being quiet or flirty as needed.   Someone who's not a strong-willed or strong-tempered child, but a savvy woman who knows how to play the game to keep things on an even keel.  Really, just a traditional 1950's fembot who doesn't want kids.  Always happy, always supportive.  Surely he can order one of those online in his preferred 27-35 age range.  It would be helpful if he used a marriage broker this time--someone who can screen women and set up meetings the next time he goes shopping.

[KariLois]

The "SNL" skit, "Meet Your Second Wife" reminded me of the Specimen and Nikki.

[Julesga]

Oh, me too, KariLois!   it was amused and disgusted on so many levels.  LOL  

[spankydoll]

I also noticed the china in the cabinet and thought there's no way I'd mess with that.  You'd have to disarrange it, wash it by hand, and it couldn't go in the microwave.  It would also cost a small fortune to replace each broken dish if the the pattern was discontinued.  Nikki wouldn't know the difference anyway.  Both my grandparents and parents have stopped using their good stuff even for very special meals--just not worth the trouble.  I have two beautiful old sets given to me by now-dead relatives and haven't even opened the boxes.  Too much trouble these days,especially if it has a metallic trim, which means no dishwasher.  So for this one thing, I don't blame Mark. 

Girl  use the good dishes! I had a harrowing bout with cancer six years ago and I learned a few things. Life is short and hard. Your ancestors bought that beautiful china to bring some grandeur and joy to their lives. Don't leave it in a box. I drink my morning OJ out of the Waterford that I have from my first wedding and I eat my toast and eggs off of my RD china. If you are too nervous about damaging it just take one plate out of the box and smash it - you will most likely survive the single plate massacre and not be so nervous about using it. Or donate it - too many dreams to be left in a box. xoxo

 

Mark is not living frugally. He is cheap and there is a difference. You don't have doors with kick marks on them and outdated everything if you are living an abundant life. He doesn't splurge on himself which is sad. Sleeping on a twenty year old mattress is unsanitary and disgusting. Five years on a mattress - new pillows every year at the least, And replace those sheets Mark!

[RCharter]

Girl  use the good dishes! I had a harrowing bout with cancer six years ago and I learned a few things. Life is short and hard. Your ancestors bought that beautiful china to bring some grandeur and joy to their lives. Don't leave it in a box. I drink my morning OJ out of the Waterford that I have from my first wedding and I eat my toast and eggs off of my RD china. If you are too nervous about damaging it just take one plate out of the box and smash it - you will most likely survive the single plate massacre and not be so nervous about using it. Or donate it - too many dreams to be left in a box. xoxo

 

Mark is not living frugally. He is cheap and there is a difference. You don't have doors with kick marks on them and outdated everything if you are living an abundant life. He doesn't splurge on himself which is sad. Sleeping on a twenty year old mattress is unsanitary and disgusting. Five years on a mattress - new pillows every year at the least, And replace those sheets Mark!

awwwww, this is a sweet thought

[CofCinci]

Plus with the Internet, it's so easy to find the replacement plate --- much like buying a womanchild bride from the Phillipines.

I wonder what their first Christmas together was like?

[RCharter]

Plus with the Internet, it's so easy to find the replacement plate --- much like buying a womanchild bride from the Phillipines.

I wonder what their first Christmas together was like?

Well, I'm sure Mark wrapped up some of his wife's old things and gave them to Nikki.  And then regaled her with a day full of stories of past Christmases with his ex-wife.  Followed by microwave pancakes....but not on the good china!

[WhoAmIReally]

This is probably the busiest time of the year for Mark, work-wise, what with all the Christmas pageants and concerts.  He'll have to placate Nikki with some 1 carat CZ earrings (hopefully with real gold posts).  Since she won't know the difference, he'll be in sexual paradise until she gets her 10-day period again.  Maybe she's knitting him some argyle socks? 

Edited December 26, 2015 by WhoAmIReally

[merylinkid]

 

Girl  use the good dishes! I had a harrowing bout with cancer six years ago and I learned a few things. Life is short and hard. Your ancestors bought that beautiful china to bring some grandeur and joy to their lives. Don't leave it in a box. I drink my morning OJ out of the Waterford that I have from my first wedding and I eat my toast and eggs off of my RD china. If you are too nervous about damaging it just take one plate out of the box and smash it - you will most likely survive the single plate massacre and not be so nervous about using it. Or donate it - too many dreams to be left in a box. xoxo

 

This is something we needed to be reminded of every so often.

 

Now how to get Nikki to realize life is waaaaay to short to spend with a Specimen?

[WhoAmIReally]

I am growing impatient waiting for a news story about how the cops were called to their house for a public disturbance.  Apparently, she turned off his Rachmaninoff 8-track tape and turned up Taylor Swift as loud as it would go.  He was trying to reprise the "Seven Year Itch" seduction scene with Rachmaninoff, potato chips, and champagne and she didn't get the reference.  But then again, she's no Marilyn Monroe.  And it was Korbel.

[Jules2307]

Well, kids, I'm back from Baltimore and although I looked hard, did not see Mark and Nikki strolling about.  I did, however, get my friend hooked on the show and she is going to watch the whole season On Demand.  We fast-forwarded though Fernando, Kyle, and Loren.  Mark, Aleksandra, and Devar give plenty of satisfaction on their own.

As someone who lives in Baltimore, it kills me every time they list him as being from Baltimore. No, he clearly lives in one of 'burbs. If you wanted to catch a sight of them, you should have paid a visit to the White Marsh Mall. Someone posted a photo of them in the Boscovs (a local department store, not fancy at all, more like a Pennys than a Macys) that's in the White Marsh Mall.

[ParkCirclegirl]

As someone who lives in Baltimore, it kills me every time they list him as being from Baltimore. No, he clearly lives in one of 'burbs. If you wanted to catch a sight of them, you should have paid a visit to the White Marsh Mall. Someone posted a photo of them in the Boscovs (a local department store, not fancy at all, more like a Pennys than a Macys) that's in the White Marsh Mall.

As a Baltimore girl I am always tempted to stalk them...oh the shame, the shame of it.

[WhoAmIReally]

I spent a little time on the Easily Entertained and other sites and picked up a few tidbits (not sure if these should be in the media section, but since I'm not linking, I don't know--mods, please move if necessary).  Elise said a lot (a lot!) of women had used her father in the past--like he was a bank.  So I guess he was choosing unwisely and she said he was sad about the dating thing.  She also said his formula for choosing women to date was half of his age plus 7, thus making his ideal woman 36.  Nikki and Mark took a road trip to Florida before Christmas.  They are thinking of getting a cat.  Apparently, all of Mark's kids are obsessed with cats, so I guess they were raised with positive feelings towards them. 

Edited December 31, 2015 by WhoAmIReally

[RCharter]

^^so here is the thing about that, to me.  If you're the sort of guy who wants a woman 1/2 his age + 7 then you're putting SO much emphasis on something that is superficial that you should neither be shocked nor offended when that ideal woman puts her emphasis on something as superficial as your money.  This is what irks me about people, is that they feel as though its perfectly okay that they are superficial, but its completely unacceptable for their partner to be as superficial.  Of course a woman should be using him for his money if he is just using her for her age/beauty.  Thats somewhat of a bargained for exchange as they say in contracts.

[WhoAmIReally]

Good point, Charter.  Also, if he's buying them roses and expensive dinners on a first date, they might assume he has money to burn. 

 

I can't imagine the 1/2 +7 rule for myself, in either direction.  I guess I could go for the younger one, but that would really only be for sex, because I'd be bored by someone that young.  If I went for older one, it would be all liver spots and ear hair.  I don't think it works for women. 

[RCharter]

^^ I dated a guy who was 10 years younger, and there was such a difference.  In some ways it was revitalizing and fun.  He had so much energy.  But I always felt like the oldest chick everyplace he wanted to go.  LOL @ liver spots and ear hair.

 

Good point on the roses and expensive dinners, it also doesn't say good things that a man feels like his personality and who he is needs to be supplemented by roses in order to be acceptable.  If you're doing that for EVERY first date, to me, it means you either think or know that your personality isn't enough to carry the day.

[KarmaG]

I can't imagine the 1/2 +7 rule for myself, in either direction.  I guess I could go for the younger one, but that would really only be for sex, because I'd be bored by someone that young.  If I went for older one, it would be all liver spots and ear hair.  I don't think it works for women. 

 

Yeah for me that would be a 28yr old (no Moes for me, thanks) or 70. While I am attracted to some older men, I don't think I would want someone quite that old.

[greekmom]

Sorry about the fashion talk, but it just goes to show that our fascination with the Fabulous Specimen Known as Mark can lead us down many paths of discusssion.  He's a sociological as well as a psychological dream.  I would love for him to have his own show:  "It's Me!  Mark!"  where he talks about his many fascinating life decisions, experiences, and philosophies while going about his daily tasks.  Fashion, gardening, cooking, decorating, dating, parenting--it's endless!  I think he should get a book deal, at least.  I am mostly serious.  I would love to know how his mind works--he's so deliciously weird and creepy!  Why the sheets, Mark?  Why haven't you removed your back hair?  How can you eat such huge plates of food and remain slim? (Hope Nikki doesn't pork up, or she's outta there.)  Why is it troubling that women are fiercely independent?  Do you spurge on Charmin or use the bargain brand?  How do you have a full set of teeth with no cavities at your age?  Do you think lip balm is addicting?  What's your first memory?  Sigh.  We will never know. 

Super easy.

Why the sheets? Cause he's too cheap to buy new ones. Plus they were the ones he had with the first wife.

Back hair? Cause it's super expensive and it hurts. Can't have the specimen in pain. 

Huge plates of food? Pish posh. That was for SHOW.  Usually I open up a can of soup.  The banged up cans are usually on sale.

Spurge on Charmin or bargain brand?  What's splurge? We get good ol no name brand. 

Full set of teeth at his age? Of course he does. He's a specimen naturally.

Lip balm? What lip balm? I use vasiline. 

My first memory? My first wife. Then she left me with 4 kids in diapers. 

[RCharter]

Super easy.

Why the sheets? Cause he's too cheap to buy new ones. Plus they were the ones he had with the first wife.

Back hair? Cause it's super expensive and it hurts. Can't have the specimen in pain. 

Huge plates of food? Pish posh. That was for SHOW.  Usually I open up a can of soup.  The banged up cans are usually on sale.

Spurge on Charmin or bargain brand?  What's splurge? We get good ol no name brand. 

Full set of teeth at his age? Of course he does. He's a specimen naturally.

Lip balm? What lip balm? I use vasiline. 

My first memory? My first wife. Then she left me with 4 kids in diapers. 

Kirkland is a brand name!  So is "SuperPaperToiletFlushNow" right?

[CofCinci]

Kirkland Brand is da bomb!

[Jules2307]

As a Baltimore girl I am always tempted to stalk them...oh the shame, the shame of it.

I joked with my husband that if we ever run into them at the mall, I'm going to press my business card into Nikki's hand and tell her to call me when she's ready to run.

[WhoAmIReally]

I guess he would have belonged to Costco with the four kids.  That's Kirkland, right?

[RCharter]

Kirkland Brand is da bomb!

For when you be droppin' da bombs!  :)

 

 

I guess he would have belonged to Costco with the four kids.  That's Kirkland, right?

 

Yes, it is.  He had 4 kids IN DIAPERS.  And we all know Kirkland brand diapers are the best value so you know he was a Costco member, especially with a small business......

[WhoAmIReally]

I wonder if they made party on New Year's?  What would their resolutions be?

 

Mark:

1.  No kids in diapers this year.

2.  Suppress rage when other people can see me.

 

Nikki:

1.  Get more sparkly things.

2.  Spend more time on the couch, playing on my phone.

[still hoping]

LOL>> I see folks are still worrying about Nikki...I am sure she only cares about herself...
 
One update I didn't post....Fernando was anti-specimen on his social media posts....and claimed he even confronted him at the "reunion"
 
however....afterwards..when they all got together...he changed his tune. He told "us" not to worry about Nikki...
 
he also said (paraphrase but I can find if you like) that Mark was weird but nice and very generous

(maybe he sprung for drinks or food for the group?)

 

In another post when asked about it he said the network would not air his confrontaton 

he said he now knows this is an "arrangement"

 

and yes...I do think it is an arrangement...I think it is no better than a mail order bride or long term escort

Edited January 5, 2016 by still hoping

[funky-rat]

As someone who lives in Baltimore, it kills me every time they list him as being from Baltimore. No, he clearly lives in one of 'burbs. If you wanted to catch a sight of them, you should have paid a visit to the White Marsh Mall. Someone posted a photo of them in the Boscovs (a local department store, not fancy at all, more like a Pennys than a Macys) that's in the White Marsh Mall.

I love me some Boscov's.  They are not high-end, but neither is Macy's anymore.  Still, I would put them above Penney's.  I hit White Marsh Mall occasionally.  I like their IKEA.  It's a bit of a drive, so I'm not there frequently, but I am hoping to be there before the end of the month.  I'll have to keep my eyes peeled.

[ParkCirclegirl]

How are all of us Baltimoreans not renting a van together for an afternoon of stalking "The Speciman?"