S01.E01: Breaking the Silence: the TLC Abuse Special

[Bella]

An estimated one in ten children will be the victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. In an effort to promote education, raise awareness and advance the conversation on this important matter, TLC has partnered with two of the nation's leading abuse prevention organizations, RAINN and Darkness to Light, on a new documentary addressing the issue.

BREAKING THE SILENCE will air commercial-free on Sunday, August 30th at 10/9c and shine a light on the challenging journey faced by those affected by child sexual abuse, as well as offer useful information where people can turn for help. The documentary is part of a multi-platform partnership between TLC, RAINN and Darkness to Light.

This thread will open automatically after the broadcast.

 

Please no live blogging about the show in any of the other threads.

 

Thanks.

[Dianaofthehunt]

Vapid, vapid, vapid. (Not the program itself; only the Duggar “participation.”) The ever-smiling Duggar girls put the emphasis on “I need to be more careful,” blah blah blah. And what purpose did it serve to have Michelle there? Did she learn anything?
How freaky it must have been for them to be at the same seminar with women in trousers and guyz!

[Aw my lahgs]

The program was good.

 

The Duggar "participation" was needless, unimportant, forgetful and short.

 

If the police report had never been made public, they'd never agree to do this. Nuff said.

 

What a waste of air time.

[Katydid]

They couldn't have been more useless. Nothing at all to truly contribute to the discussion. But you bet Jessa got in a "now that I'm EXPECTING...", and Jill tried to brush it off by saying it happens in A LOT of families, gosh darn it! Did they even reference why the Duggars were there at all- I don't recall hearing Josh mentioned or anything about their own molestation.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Katydid

[CofCinci]

Came across as opportunistic and in poor taste.  Enough with their minimization/"it happens in a lot of families."  No, it doesn't.

[Aw my lahgs]

Came across as opportunistic and in poor taste.  Enough with their minimization/"it happens in a lot of families."  No, it doesn't.

They tried. They failed. The ship has sailed for any new Duggar show or spin off (thank you Smuggar!).

 

(It does happen in a lot of families though, more than we can imagine,but that doesn't mean it's not a big deal or not that bad...)

[MrsMommy]

Came across as opportunistic and in poor taste. Enough with their minimization/"it happens in a lot of families." No, it doesn't.

If 1 in 10 kids are being touched then I'd have to agree with jill that it happens to a lot of families. The show itself was ok, I'm not sure why they even put the duggars in it though... useless

[Aw my lahgs]

If 1 in 10 kids are being touched then I'd have to agree with jill that it happens to a lot of families. The show itself was ok, I'm not sure why they even put the duggars in it though... useless

Yes - it does happen a lot, but Jill only said that to downplay whatever Josh has been doing to his siblings, to make it seem it was nothing and bring back the gravy train.

[Jusagirlintheworld]

I don't want to sound judgmental , but It seemed bizarre to me. Did the show even refer to the Duggar girls as victims? Michelle was smiling and said she was glad to be at the seminar to "gain more information about this important topic."

I would expect those words from someone who had little knowledge about child sexual abuse, not from some one whose girls had been abused and who had gone through a CPS and police monitored process.

That said, I am not in their shoes and I don't know what I would say in their place.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Jusagirlintheworld

[Magoo]

I know we only saw a very tiny portion of the presentation they sat through, but those five steps and guidelines to follow each one will be too easily be twisted into their own crazy viewpoints. All I could think while watching was that the three of them were sitting there thinking "check, check, check" to every answer we heard. In their minds they already have it figured out by locking down the house and essentially imprisoning the girls. And the absolute gleam Jessa had in her eyes being back on camera for a real talking head was disconcerting.

[Aw my lahgs]

I don't want to sound judgmental , but It seemed bizarre to me. Did the show even refer to the Duggar girls as victims? Michelle was smiling and said she was glad to be at the seminar to "gain more information about this important topic."

 

Basically, the Duggars had no role whatsoever in the special. They were there, said some fluff, but entirely useless. Without their talking  heads, the show would have been exactly the same. Or even better, without MEchelle's voice.

[wait.what]

I'm confused. Were the Duggars at the seminar to LEARN from the speakers or were they there as speakers? Cause if they say they are "fine" and it was "no big deal" why would they need to attend a seminar? And if it was "no big deal" what could they possibly offer as speakers?

[CofCinci]

I know we only saw a very tiny portion of the presentation they sat through, but those five steps and guidelines to follow each one will be too easily be twisted into their own crazy viewpoints. All I could think while watching was that the three of them were sitting there thinking "check, check, check" to every answer we heard. In their minds they already have it figured out by locking down the house and essentially imprisoning the girls. And the absolute gleam Jessa had in her eyes being back on camera for a real talking head was disconcerting.

You could almost see her counting the money she was going to make on her spinoff reflecting from the gleam in her eyes. Girl was so close! Then the second Josh bomb dropped. You're done, Jessa.

This special had nothing to do with prevention and advocacy, which is why TLC gave it the awful time slot.

[JoanArc]

The showed Michelle, who responded to molestation by PROTECTING THE PERPETRATOR, as just some nice lady who was there to learn about abuse. FUCK TLC. Everyone in that room should've ripped Michelle apart for what she helped do. Even without Joshgate II, Jill and Jessa could've never turned this into a spinoff. Tee he, cute Jessa, yes you'll have more then one kid, we get it.

 

 

If the police report had never been made public, they'd never agree to do this. Nuff said.

Yep, unbroken silence for sure.

 

 

The rest of the doc was well done and informative. Nothing to quibble about there.

Edited August 31, 2015 by JoanArc

[Wellfleet]

Came across as opportunistic and in poor taste.  Enough with their minimization/"it happens in a lot of families."  No, it doesn't.

 

To be honest, I do think it does happen in a fair amount of the families the Duggars know - for reasons we've already hashed and re-hashed. But I agree - this was opportunistic on the Duggars' part. They weren't needed here at all. Or even useful.

[Loves2Dance]

Poor taste. Needless and uncomfortable. 

 

That is all. 

[RedheadZombie]

I actually find it a little offensive that Michelle was included in this.  Where was Jim Bob?  Is this something only the women folk have to know?  And did the other people in the "seminar" know the Duggar's history? 

[leighroda]

I wasn't giving my full attention.. But at the end she was thanking the survivors, but did not list Jessa and Jill...did I hear right? If thats true, then I'm glad. I dont want to minimize what happened to them, if they wanted to come out as survivors than I would 1000% support them... But they are the ones who don't identify as victims, which is fine and their choice and I respect that, but then they don't get to play the victim card.

[Patricia07]

I actually find it a little offensive that Michelle was included in this.  Where was Jim Bob?  Is this something only the women folk have to know?  And did the other people in the "seminar" know the Duggar's history? 

 

 It's a woman's job to prevent this from happening because men can't control themselves.  So why should Jim Bob have to be bothered with this?? (Sarcasm.)

[Quilt Fairy]

Let's see - Sunday night at 10pm dumped in the middle of a Who Do You Think You Are? marathon and NO repeats that I can see in the next week. TLC obviously did the least they needed to do to respond to the uproar from JoshGate1 and really, really, really is washing their hands of the Duggars. 

[Snowprince]

How much more effective would the seminar group have been if the instructor/leader had held Michelle, Jill and Jesse up as examples of what NOT to do? Their attendance otherwise served NO positive purpose. The participation of the Duggars could have been for no other reason than to pull ratings for a very important program that was exiled to the TV version of Siberia. Nice going, TLC. 

Edited August 31, 2015 by Snowprince

[kalamac]

The thing that gets me the most is the brushing it off with the idea of 'oh, it happens in a lot of families'. Just because you think it happens a lot, doesn't make it okay. If it really is happening so much that it's normalized, it's horrific.

[Micks Picks]

I really did not like the special.  It didn't feel very special.  One might think the Duggars did most everything right.  They put up boundaries all right, and don't give much in the way of privacy, and have somebody else around all the time.  Heck, Michelle and kids already knew and did all that.  The girls were happily devising every new protections for their upcoming kids.  If you go over the 5 point list I think ma and pa could pat themselves on the back.  I say that with great sarcasm.  But there is something deeper here that they don't get to, not the professional groups, not anybody.

And the women who were on a mission of legislation and education may in fact be setting up witch hunts like that which happened to child care providers in California and across the country not that long ago.  Awareness, asking, probing the kids for info….can turn into baseless accusations that actually put people in jail who didn't do anything wrong.  The community becomes hyper aware and easily believe the kids were transported from day care to another place where they performed ritualistic sacrifices and unimaginable stuff.  IIRC Harvey Leven of TMZ fame (and I like TMZ) really got his career and ball rolling with the McMARTIN preschool case, original charges by a psychotic mom and resulted in lost retirement savings, reputations, jail time, on and on.  And it happened around the country as well.  It was catching.

 

Much as I deplore the idea of any child sex abuse, I also deplore missionaries, really, who spread the word, and the word becomes changed,and people suffer and even die.  

 

There is some sort of sickness that makes diddling with kids or kiddy porn desirable.  That sickness needs to be identified and stopped.

[kandinski]

My friend from Denmark is staying over,he has never heard the word Duggar,as soon as Xanax stare appeared he said "did her attacker leave her with brain damage"?,I had to explain it was mane tossing Jaaasssa and Jill that were the "victims".

[CofCinci]

Jill was completely disconnected in this special. Why did she even participate, especially with the hassle of coming in from "overseas" with her big ass baby?

[Aw my lahgs]

Jill was completely disconnected in this special. Why did she even participate, especially with the hassle of coming in from "overseas" with her big ass baby?

Aren't we all dying to see her on tv again after 19KAC got pulled and know how she's doing (wink wink)...

[Loves2Dance]

Jill was completely disconnected in this special. Why did she even participate, especially with the hassle of coming in from "overseas" with her big ass baby?

 

Hey now, as a mom of babies who were bigger than Izzy, that kinda stings even though it's directed at Jill; whom I absolutely agree, didn't look like she was even there. 

I really did not like the special.  It didn't feel very special.  One might think the Duggars did most everything right.  They put up boundaries all right, and don't give much in the way of privacy, and have somebody else around all the time.  Heck, Michelle and kids already knew and did all that.  The girls were happily devising every new protections for their upcoming kids.  If you go over the 5 point list I think ma and pa could pat themselves on the back.  I say that with great sarcasm.  But there is something deeper here that they don't get to, not the professional groups, not anybody.

And the women who were on a mission of legislation and education may in fact be setting up witch hunts like that which happened to child care providers in California and across the country not that long ago.  Awareness, asking, probing the kids for info….can turn into baseless accusations that actually put people in jail who didn't do anything wrong.  The community becomes hyper aware and easily believe the kids were transported from day care to another place where they performed ritualistic sacrifices and unimaginable stuff.  IIRC Harvey Leven of TMZ fame (and I like TMZ) really got his career and ball rolling with the McMARTIN preschool case, original charges by a psychotic mom and resulted in lost retirement savings, reputations, jail time, on and on.  And it happened around the country as well.  It was catching.

 

Much as I deplore the idea of any child sex abuse, I also deplore missionaries, really, who spread the word, and the word becomes changed,and people suffer and even die.  

 

There is some sort of sickness that makes diddling with kids or kiddy porn desirable.  That sickness needs to be identified and stopped.

From what I understand of the law that's being passed, it's more about public schools teaching awareness not probing the kids for info. It's currently up for vote in my state and I honestly don't see it passing. We're quite fickle even when we shouldn't be. 

 

I personally don't want this subject taught in schools for my own daughter's; I am more than capable of handling it, but I also know some kids need it so I kinda do hope it gets passed in the same breath. 

[leighdear]

I managed to get through the first 30 minutes, but when "they" appeared at the seminar, I had to turn it off.  

 

I was hoping TLC would have snipped out "their" parts, as it could have easily been done without losing a shred of the legitimate message.  But I imagine "they" had a contract with TLC to be included as part of their redemption arc.  But then JoshGate II happened, so there's that... 

 

I also think that if TLC could have edited the 3 of "them" out, the show would have received more promotion and would have been aired it in a more prominent non-Sunday time slot.  I believe TLC was stuck, so they did the bare minimum.  

Edited August 31, 2015 by leighdear

[Marigold]

I was wondering if they heavily edited the Duggars out of the show.

 It was filmed before Ashley Madison, wasn't it? Once Josh Scandal II broke, TLC probably wanted to dump the family and run far, far away.  It was already talked about so how could they do that? Jill, Jessa and Michelle barely had any speaking time. Really, three sentences each person? And three boring sentences too. 

 

I didn't care for the show and I thought Jill, Jessa and Michelle looked very awkward there. 

[yogi2014L]

I was wondering if they heavily edited the Duggars out of the show.

 It was filmed before Ashley Madison, wasn't it? Once Josh Scandal II broke, TLC probably wanted to dump the family and run far, far away.  It was already talked about so how could they do that? Jill, Jessa and Michelle barely had any speaking time. Really, three sentences each person? And three boring sentences too. 

 

I didn't care for the show and I thought Jill, Jessa and Michelle looked very awkward there. 

That was my first thought when it was over. They had to have cut so much stuff out. They really should have cut them out completely, I thought their presence was completely inappropriate. 

[Loves2Dance]

I think, had they not already announced that they'd be in it, that they would have cut them out completely. 

[Lemur]

I freely admit that I did not watch this and have no intention of doing so.  That said, shouldn't the title be "Silence Broken for Us Despite Our Feeble Best Efforts to Hide It: The Contractually Obligated Abuse Special We Were Forced to Film and Will Never Show Again"?

[Twopper]

Okay, I really intended not to watch, but I was channel surfing during Househunters and found myself listening to an 11 year old Canadian girl discussing her experiences. I do volunteer work in children's theatre and we have to do child abuse prevention workshops periodically so I was interested somewhat in what they would say. And since I didn't watch the whole thing some--or all-- of my impressions maybe wrong.  As to the Duggars, they added nothing and probably were a distraction. Seeing Michelle there just made me really mad, because I think in addition to wanting her countenance-time on tv, she was there to make sure neither girl said something that would reflect poorly on her or JB. I continue to be unimpressed by Jill or Jessa.  I forgot what Michelle said. I think they gave the 3 Duggars at least one opportunity to speak.  Jill said something like "um, this has, um, showed us we might need, like, to think, um ahead." In her defense, she may have been jet lagged from travel or she didn't expect to have to speak, unlike Jessa who seemed to have a speech already prepared to spout off about this being something she was seriously thinking about because she was pregnant and concerned about her unborn child and future children.  I didn't have a clue who this Errin person was, but I guess the law she is trying to pass is probably a good one although I am not sure of its details. I think she mentioned the no-touch zones as being where you wear a bathing suit, but that would really confuse the Duggars with their swimwear that looks like it came out of the 19th century. 

[PityFree]

I'll be honest - I hated that the group who did this show made it seem like the best course of action is to be completely paranoid and suspect everyone of molesting kids and take all sorts of precautions (just like the Duggars!) and never trust anyone. What a horrible way to live. It stuck me as parallel to telling women to never go anywhere alone, never be alone with a man, never trust a man, always dress like a nun, never go out at night, etc. in order to prevent rape. IDK - it left me with a bad taste in my mouth even before the Duggars darkened my TV screen. Something about that Erin woman rubbed me the wrong way - maybe to much praise and attention made her seem as if she thinks she has all of the answers. (Plus, I thought it was lame that her gift to that 11 y.o. was her signed books. I'm sure the girl already has them. Give her a stuffed animal or jewelry - something an 11 year old would enjoy.)  

 

Abuse happens. I get that. Abuse happens more than we realize. Fine. But it isn't common. It happens too often, it is evil, it is horrible - but it is not common.

 

My impression after watching the show was that the Duggars were included because they do/did exactly what RAINN advocates - and that is awful. 

 

Edited to fix a typo.

Edited August 31, 2015 by PityFree

[MrsMommy]

I don't know why some people are saying they should have gotten rid of the duggar parts of the show. Yeah they didn't add anything to it but on the other hand they aren't the ones who forced josh to cheat they didn't force josh on them. So imo idk why people are trying to take their anger out on the innocent ones as well as josh. That's just mean imo

[Julia]

I'll be honest - I hated that the group who did this show made it seem like the best course of action is to be completely paranoid and suspect everyone of molesting kids and take all sorts of precautions (just like the Duggars!) and never trust anyone. What a horrible way to live. It stuck me as parallel to telling women to never go anywhere alone, never be alone with a man, never trust a man, always dress like a nun, never go out at night, etc. in order to prevent rape. IDK - it left me with a bad taste in my mouth even before the Duggars darkened my TV screen. Something about that Erin woman rubbed me the wrong way - maybe to much praise and attention made her seem as if she thinks she has all of the answers. (Plus, I thought it was lame that her gift to that 11 y.o. was her signed books. IM am sure the girl already has them. Give her a stuffed animal or jewelry - something an 11 year old would enjoy.)  

 

Abuse happens. I get that. Abuse happens more than we realize. Fine. But it isn't common. It happens too often, it is evil, it is horrible - but it is not common.

 

My impression after watching the show was that the Duggars were included because they do/did exactly what RAINN advocates - and that is awful. 

 

One in ten children under eighteen in the US is more than seven million. How many children have to be molested before it's common?

[Lemur]

I don't know why some people are saying they should have gotten rid of the duggar parts of the show. Yeah they didn't add anything to it but on the other hand they aren't the ones who forced josh to cheat they didn't force josh on them. So imo idk why people are trying to take their anger out on the innocent ones as well as josh. That's just mean imo

 

I can't speak for everyone, but I can personally can tell you that the minimization and normalization of the behavior is what I find most troublesome.  These people have added nothing constructive to the conversation and not just due to their overuse of filler words. 

[PityFree]

On a more superficial note, Michelle looked like she is made of wax and Jill looks ROUGH. And she looks even more like Jim Boob than she did before. Wow. Seriously, All she needs is a JB wig and they would look like twins. 

[CofCinci]

I think, had they not already announced that they'd be in it, that they would have cut them out completely.

I agree. The special seems heavily edited and doesn't match the portrait painted by PEOPLE Magazine prior to the Ashley Madison reveal. TLC scrubbed as much Duggar was they could out of the special. I'm curious as to what the original special would have looked like.

[Loves2Dance]

One in ten children under eighteen in the US is more than seven million. How many children have to be molested before it's common?

Common is a relative term to the person. 

[NextIteration]

Thanks for the recap y'all, glad I missed it - a shoe just may have been thrown at my expensive television and we wouldn't want that!

[Loves2Dance]

I don't know why some people are saying they should have gotten rid of the duggar parts of the show. Yeah they didn't add anything to it but on the other hand they aren't the ones who forced josh to cheat they didn't force josh on them. So imo idk why people are trying to take their anger out on the innocent ones as well as josh. That's just mean imo

Because Michelle, Jessa, and Jill all went on National Television and said that abuse wasn't that big deal, nothing really happened...etc, etc. They made their own bed to lie in.

[Julia]

Common is a relative term to the person. 

 

I understand. That's why I was trying to find out how many million children have to be sexually molested before it's common enough to be worth discussing at 10 PM on a Sunday night on basic cable.

Edited August 31, 2015 by Julia

[NextIteration]

I have a question since I didn't partake, is Errin's law about introducing good touch bad touch in to school systems?  Because I have big feelings about that.

 

1st.  We already have that here.

2nd. Kindergarten is too late.

 

I don't know the answer to the second one, but I sure do know I was teaching my kids this when they were toddlers.  (Not in a scary way or anything.)

[JoanArc]

 

On a more superficial note, Michelle looked like she is made of wax and Jill looks ROUGH. And she looks even more like Jim Boob than she did before. Wow. Seriously, All she needs is a JB wig and they would look like twins.

And this was filmed before Joshgate II. Even Jessa is looking rougher now. Their blessed asses are realizing what the real world will be like.

[MrsMommy]

Because Michelle, Jessa, and Jill all went on National Television and said that abuse wasn't that big deal, nothing really happened...etc, etc. They made their own bed to lie in.

Everyone copes their own way and I can see this as them trying to cope. I minimize things when I just want it to go away even when deep down I'm not okay

[sometimesy]

Jill was completely disconnected in this special. Why did she even participate, especially with the hassle of coming in from "overseas" with her big ass baby?

Comped trip home and back from missioncation, and just in time for the Bates wedding.

[Loves2Dance]

Everyone copes their own way and I can see this as them trying to cope. I minimize things when I just want it to go away even when deep down I'm not okay

In this family and in their religion, this is the only way to deal. It's the wrong way to cope, but it is what it is. The damage they did on National TV by trying to minimize Josh's acts still stand by themselves. Ignorance is not a large enough excuse in my book. 

[MarysWetBar]

Everyone copes their own way and I can see this as them trying to cope. I minimize things when I just want it to go away even when deep down I'm not okay

I do this too actually but these girls aren't minimizing by staying out of the public eye in order to allow themselves to heal.

The dollar obviously is the primary concern

[MrsMommy]

That's understandable and I'm sorry for what happened to you.

People make mistakes these girls was under a lot of stress at the time it all went down and then they was put on tv, I know they said things that shouldn't have been said but isn't it possible they said what they thought was best and maybe regret it now? Or maybe they know they said the wrong things but to ashamed to admit it. I feel like everyone deserves forgiveness and I don't think these girls should be attacked bc of josh. They messed up that's apart of life. I know I've messed up, I've said crap I shouldn't have said and kick myself in the butt for it, but that was a learning experience for me. I just think until the girls give us a reason we should stop beating them up over 1 thing they said. But that's just my opinion.