S03.E14: Dead Or Alive / S03.E15: The Reckoning

[Tara Ariano]

In the series finale, the FBI's hunt for Theo intensifies as some of their own are attacked, suspicions mount, alliances crumble and no one appears safe.

[ZoloftBlob]

Don't tell me Ryan breaks up with his flask! :O

[morgankobi]

Everybody!

 

"I'm a cowboy,

On a steel horse I ride.

And I'm wanted (wanted)..."

[Such A Flirt]

Crappiest series finale ever! Though I get they didn't know for sure it would be. But, still, could they really have come up with another season?

 

I just kept going "Where's Joe?!" Like, not even one last ghostly appearance? This show really turned into something entirely different this season and there wasn't even a decent payoff. It just sucked and made no sense until the end.

[thuganomics85]

Oh, fuck off, The Following!  I'm usually entertained by its stupidity, but the whole "Theo not only survives getting shot in the head but even has the strength to charge and shove Ryan off a bridge", is just fucking insulting.  Because, with this show, I honestly think the writers were probably in their little room, slapping each others' backs, and boasting about how "brilliant" that was.  But, it wasn't.  It was stupid.  Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!!!  And, hey, guess what?  I'm pretty sure they said they didn't find the body in the river, so if this show is somehow saved by another network, I would put money down that Theo will somehow be alive.  Hell, they'll probably make the bullet in his head make him even smarter.  Again, fuck off, The Following!

 

In less angry, but still silly news: the rest of the episode.  The first hour was basically Theo and Daisy kidnapping Gina (remember her?!) and her family, and using it as a trap for Ryan.  Surprisingly, Ryan isn't a total and idiot and figured it, so they counterattacked.  They saved the family (it's a miracle!) and Max killed Daisy (thanks, Max!), but then Theo kidnapped Ryan.  But before he could kill him, Eliza and her merry band of baddies swooped in, because they now want him alive.  Of course, both Ryan and Theo found some way to kill almost everyone but Eliza, who ran off, and will no doubt go into hiding, by going to 80s Russia, and calling herself Nina Krilova.  Whoops, sorry, that's Annet Mahendru's much superior show!

 

Basically, it was Lisa/Diane Neal who was the FBI mole.  For shame, Novak!  Working for Eliza's organization this entire time.  But, now she's dead, thanks to Ryan, I guess.

 

At least Mike pulled through, but I did find it funny that way back in season one, something similar happened to him then too.  He's basically sort of the damsel in distress on this show.  Poor Mike.

 

So, Gwen really was just a girlfriend character.  Disappointing!  What a waste of Zulekikha Robinson.  Even freaking Intelligence used her better.  Intelligence!

 

No appearance from Ghost Joe automatically downgrades the episode.

 

I really hope this is it.  Which stupid network would ever choose to save this pile of crap?

[Syndicate]

This finale said to me that they were laying the groundwork for a season 4.  Ryan is going to fake his death and possibly turn vigilante, Theo fell into the water and wasn't recovered (classic soap staple of no body, no death), and Eliza is talking to someone on the phone in a nefarious manner.  Too bad!  But I didn't expect a complete wrap up anyway.

Edited May 19, 2015 by Syndicate

[numbersix]

Memo to the "writers" of The Following: I knew Jack Bauer. I watched Jack Bauer suffer for ten seasons. Ryan Hardy is no Jack Bauer.

[Dot Com]

I only watched this show for Shawn Ashmore/Mike. Now I guess I'll watch his twin brother Aaron's new show premiering on SyFy in a few weeks. I do really like those Ashmore twins. So why can't someone give them their own show.

I only watched this show for Shawn Ashmore/Mike. Now I guess I'll watch his twin brother Aaron's new show premiering on SyFy in a few weeks. I do really like those Ashmore twins. So why can't someone give them their own show.

[Sarah D. Bunting]

That! Was! Bullshit!

[Dot Com]

Agreed! Good thing it ended.

[El Robzter]

I know it doesn't really matter at this point, but did I miss why the FBI lady was a mole for the rich killers club? Was she a sociopathic killer too, or was she being blackmailed, or just in some odd arrangement where she'd help them and they'd provide her with crimes to solve to get her promoted?

As bad as this show generally was, I'll still miss it. Losing both Revenge and The Following will leave a big hole in my bad TV viewing habits.

[yourmomiseasy]

I could actually get behind a season of Ryan and Ghost Joe as off-the-grid vigilantes hunting down and ruthlessly killing the members of some shadowy cabal.  Or maybe it could be a special movie event.  That could possibly be the best road trip buddy movie ever made.

[Dowel Jones]

I keep wondering where Eliza managed to find such inept security personnel, and then, I realized, they're off duty FBI agents.  Way to do a sweep, fellas.  Perfectly timed sequences, always work alone, and never, ever talk to each other.  And maybe you should have staged an ambo in the area, given the predilection of all the parties to shoot first, however inaccurately.  Ryan's "Where am I?  I'm on a road."  Okay, that's a good start for the ambulance.  You don't have GPS on that phone?

 

Daisy sure had an iron skull, didn't she.  Maybe she's related to Ryan.  And Theo sure knew his way around the curiously well lit woods of the supersecret safe house.

 

Gwen and Ryan: Worst juxtaposition of events ever.  Ryan:  Stoooopid!

 

It's amazing how high voltage cables can be shorted out without causing a break in the circuit.

 

Editing blunder:  When Ryan starts climbing the ladder, you can clearly see a shadow from the camera crew move over on the left.

 

What were you so scared of in the tunnel, Ryan?  Was he going to hit you with that stick?  Oh my.

 

I'll give Theo credit.  Even improvising and completely off his game, he's better than the FBI combined.  Good roadblock; leave him an exit, of course.

 

The ending?  Shades of Professor Moriarty!  Stooooopid!  What's Ryan's secret?  Theo works for him now. 

[mertensia]

Idiotic ending.

The whole "take them to a safe house!" Was idiotic. If I'm Gina no sorry I'm taking everyone to FBI headquarters not the boonies where any sociopath can find me and did.

[MDKNIGHT]

Anybody think "Reichenback Falls"  during this episode?  Ryan being Sherlock Holmes made my head spin.

Did they even bother to say whether wife o f lesbian FBI agent was ok after getting shot?

[TVHappy9463]

I hope this doesn't sour Kevin on TV. After season 1 they completely wasted his talents. I want Bacon back on my TV.

[Primetimer]

A Poe-bitch-uary for a craptastical show full of stupid and incompetent characters.

Read the story

[gymratgrandma]

I tried, I really did try, but this show sucks rotten eggs.  I despise shows where there is never a win and law enforcement is portrayed as well stupid and inept.  Good riddance

[ZoloftBlob]

As god is my witness, I have no idea why the lesbian agent and her family were needing to be in the safehouse

[Dot Com]

As god is my witness, I have no idea why the lesbian agent and her family were needing to be in the safehouse

To bring her back on the show one more time? Also, so they could have a lesbians in distress storyline?

That's all I can guess at. I mean if having a damsel in distress is a good thing then why not have two damsels in distress that are in love with each other and have children they love and want to protect! Even better!! (She says sarcastically).

Edited May 19, 2015 by Dot Com

[MDKNIGHT]

Can somebody explain why Russian chick from the Amerikans changed the plan to DON'T kill Ryan? I know it came from upstairs but I didn't follow WHY upstairs wanted that. Can somebody help me out?

It is so unbelievable in this day and age for somebody to fake their death and become a vigilante. It was pretty far out there in Sherlock Holmes' time but at least he (a) didn't do it forever and (b) did it before there were such things as Social Security numbers and video cameras all over the place. How will Ryan even have money to buy bullets and gas to mount his crusade? Let's hope nobody knocks off the doc and their kid for giggles although I DO think if people think he's dead they won't kidnap them as often.

[MDKNIGHT]

The site won't let me edit my previous post. Don't know why but I wanted to add

How did Eliza keep her job when she just went through something like 10 body guards in a couple of days? Heck how is she still alive if people can just kill her body guards left and right? She lucked out that Theo didn't want to kill her because he had PLENTY of opportunities. Seriously her body guards made the Feds on this show seem competent and we know how ridiculous that is.

[Gudzilla]

My dream of Ryan and Joe going off to become lumberjacks has been crushed. 

I was wondering why they didn't put everyone together for safety, then I remembered "everyone in the gym" from season 1.


Bring on Under The Dome !

Edited May 19, 2015 by Gudzilla

[car54]

 

I could actually get behind a season of Ryan and Ghost Joe as off-the-grid vigilantes hunting down and ruthlessly killing the members of some shadowy cabal.

 

I think that's the plot of Dexter only Joe would then be Ryan's dead father.   But Dexter was a good show for a number of seasons, so serial killer serial killer Ryan Hardy might work.   And of course he'd stay in the FBI so he would have easy access to leads on killers he could serial kill.

 

Plus I imagine Kevin needs to keep working to make back his lost Madoff money.   

Edited May 19, 2015 by car54

[sigmaforce86]

Can somebody explain why Russian chick from the Amerikans changed the plan to DON'T kill Ryan? I know it came from upstairs but I didn't follow WHY upstairs wanted that. Can somebody help me out?.

This is what the plot was supposed to be so no yelling at the messenger when it doesn't make sense. Bottom line - she panicked, Max and Ryan came to her penthouse because they were asking everyone there about Theo. She was sure that Ryan was suspicious of her and that he was looking into her background. She wanted to find out how much Ryan knew about her and whoever she's working for and who else had info on them/her. Except Ryan hadn't been checking up on her so it was her saving Ryan in the bunker that put her on Ryan's radar which I guess would have been the S4 plot line.

[OhioMom]

Well, that was a big disappointment.

[marceline]

A Poe-bitch-uary for a craptastical show full of stupid and incompetent characters.

http://previously.tv/the-following/the-following-is-dead-this-announcement-will-startle-many-but-few-will-be-grieved-by-it/"> Read the story

 

The cat's name is Baboo, not Magoo.  

[TV Anonymous]

I just have one question.

 

What was the helicopter pilot doing while on the ground? Sipping coffee in the cockpit watching Ryan and Theo standoff and Ryan falling into the river?

[Snookums]

Oh, my, GOD.

 

People, was it not enough that I am left verklempt over the ending of Mad Men, which is to this show as a shining unicorn to somebody strapping a cardboard wrapping paper tube on the head of dead pig?  This final dredging of The Following's rancid, poisonous sediment is the exact, precise equivalent of your cat sitting down in front of you and very deliberately and pointedly washing its butthole while maintaining eye contact. I am literally reading a book about the Black Death right now and it is better written and more entertaining then this flaming garbage fire of a "finale." 

 

And I don't care about that whole "but they didn't know they wuz bein' canceeeeelllledddd!" crap either. Whether you're writing the end of a season or a show, you don't start fifteen new plates spinning while just randomly jettisoning past plot garbage like half full Orange Julius cups onto the windshields of cars in the mall parking lot! You don't decide that, hell, it's traditional to fuck over the best writers of the Victorian era so bring on Richenbach Falls! You don't make some tertiary character all eeee-viilll for no Goddamn reason and clearly not tell her until fifteen minutes before shooting!

 

Even the the stuff I'd normally be grateful for--dead Daisy, no fucking laptop plotline--I couldn't enjoy, because if there is one thing The Following does, persistently and loyally, it is totally not stick the landing. They build up crap and then rather then actually use it for the climax, or even fail spectacularly, they just, like, drop it off a curb and stand there watching it. The letdown is to be expected, but it's still infuriating.

 

So, you know what? FUCK IT, I'M JUST FULL SPEED AHEADING HERE. Just gonna mow through these last two crapfests like a fat kid at a hotdog eating contest and to hell with anything that gets in my way! Here we go!

 

Mike's all dying and shit and Max is running around soaked in gore providing no useful information at all! She's also allowed to stand outside watching the doctors with nobody caring until Ryan shows up to hug her and has the unmitigated gall to say "it's going to be all right." Max does not put two in his head for some reason.

 

Ryan pretends to protect Mike and the other zillion agents and his damn sister (I'll bet the writers kick themselves every day for introducing her) and then Gwen Earth Mothers in to ask how things are going and hey, Max, we should probably get you into less blood-drenched clothing. This is good practice for motherhood!  

 

Theo has left Daisy ALONE IN THE CAR while he goes off somewhere to almost kill himself and sob and dear Lord, my heart is torn in two for Micheal Ealy. He works so damn hard dragging the plow of this ghastly writing through the shit field--I cannot imagine trying to sit through this crapfest with somebody less talented/dedicated in this role. All the roles, really, even Daisy. They try so damn hard. Life is not fair.

 

Anyway, Theo comes up with one of his grandiose, self-serving schemes to excuse not offing himself and making the world a better place and tells the wary Daisy (who did not just fire up the car and take the hell off so she deserves whatever she gets) that he knows what he has to do and she should be free tomorrow if everything goes as planned. Daisy does not collapse into hysterical, unending laughter, which is more than I can say for me.

 

More sitting/pacing around the hospital waiting room for Max and Ryan. Gwen comes in to tell them that everything is shit but Mike might not die if everything goes okay, and she and Ryan head off for one of those endless, tedious convos that is nothing but setup for future crap (Best line: "Your hotel is a security nightmare. Multiple entrances." UNLIKE THE HOSPITAL I GUESS.) But basically Gwen agrees to move back into Ryan's place "temporarily." Mmmm-hmmm.

 

Gwen's gonna have an ultrasound that will in no way influence future events.

 

Theo and Daisy are back at Eliza's! And are strolling right up to her door and taking out yet another of her utterly worthless security guys with nobody stopping them or dragging them away! Yes, that untouchable one percent, see how secure they are! 

 

They head right on in and put two into the rest of this completely fucking useless trio (neither of whom apparently heard the struggle and gunshot at the door that was fifteen feet away) and basically Theo is all I'm nuts now and that's not going to make your life any better! Eliza tries to look older then fifteen but it's not working.

 

Look, even for this show this plotline is both torturous and exhausting, so let's just hit the comedy highlights:

 

Eliza's "I should have you killed right now." Uh-huh! Good luck with that, given your propensity to hire blind deaf morons with no reflexes or instincts! 

 

Theo's demand for a couple guys to help him out with the Ryan Hardy Ongoing Debacle, saying things have changed, "my face is everywhere now." No, really? LIKE IT'S BEEN FOR THE PAST FUCKING MONTH? And you've been running around with the equivalent of Groucho Marx glasses on with nobody, not one person spotting you, so why is this important all of a sudden?

 

Eliza's refusal to have "one of our own" exposed. Honey, your super ultra secret soldiers are littering the city as it is--hell, Theo and Co. dropped like TEN of them in Central Park yesterday! Unless you have a flock of very hungry trained vultures I don't know what you use for cleanup.

 

Eliza is hard to take seriously when she keeps acting like a scared teenager who thinks her parents are going to find out about her sneaking out to a kegger.

 

Eliza hands over the two randos who ran in here for Theo's use. And they're better then the last fifty Imperial Troopers he mowed through how? How do people end up working for Giant Evil Corp. here anyway? What's the application process? Seriously, if these are the best they can do I'm thinking of a career change.

 

I do like Theo's quip about Eliza's housekeeper being amazing. What's the going rate at getting blood and brains out of Persian rugs these days?

 

Ryan is confronted by Newly/Secretly Evil Lisa Campbell and told to go home. It works as well as it usually does. Also, Ryan apparently drinks booze by the same people who sold Penny her smack, because rather then dealing with massive DTs and a headache that could stomp Tokyo he seems right on point. 

 

Ryan and Lisa discuss Theo and his idiocy and how he's coming after Ry. Cut to a press conference where Ryan et al do what they already did, weeks ago: flood the area with images of Theo and Daisy in order to deprive him of hiding places. I'm sure it'll work this time as long as they cross their fingers, click their heels and wish upon a falling star. Or whatever. 

 

Back with Max staring at poor Mike, all bebandaged and propped up in his bed. A day player in scrubs comes up and says "He's out of surgery" (YA DON'T SAY. So that isn't a Mike Real Doll in there, then???) but basically he's got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel so don't hold your breath. Max looks fragile and she and Gwen bond in a boring manner. Gwen snaps Max to with a maternal lecture about how this wasn't her fault and she should go home and get some sleep. I'm sure Max will get right on that.

 

Cut to HQ of Alone and Friendless, A Face In The Crowd Fed Building, where Ryan is pacing around HQ bothering people and Max comes in all FUCK FOOD AND SLEEP. Ryan doesn't even bother beyond the most cursory attempt, and Day Player Agent (remember him?) comes up and says the tiplines are flooded. He pulls up a map and Theo apparently can teleport, since he's been all over the continental US in the last day or so. 

 

Meanwhile, actual Theo, not inconvenienced even the tiniest bit, is standing completely facial-decoration free outside YET ANOTHER remote mansion, but this one isn't abandoned! In fact, this gigantic place furnished with the finest antiques is apparently the FBI safehouse where they're stashing the erstwhile Mendez and her family! Theo stares with dull disbelief, as do we all--my tax dollars are paying for this?? I thought safe houses were in condemned hotels on Staten Island! 

 

Guess that tipline wasn't a complete waste of time: Plot just called! Those ever handy cameras around the city that occasionally boot a pic or two over to law enforcement when needed to drag this bloated albatross necklace forward just mysteriously futzed out when two people answering Daisy/Theo's description showed up at Eliza's penthouse. Off go Ryan and Max to inadvertently stir up another hornets' nest. 

 

Cut to Giant Tax Dollar Palace, where Gina's better half is really taking this well, merely saying hey, you're retired, thought we were done with this bullshit, and Gina's all think of it like a vacation! Like that honeymoon we never went on!

 

Gina's adorable kids scamper by and the two head off to make sure they don't shatter any Ming vases or grind Oreos into a priceless rug or anything. Say, that there panic room probably won't be needed AT ALL. Dawn is pretty relaxed about this entire situation, I must say. She heads off to make lunch while Gina peers suspiciously at the trees and sets up Settlers of Catan for the two kids.

 

The TWO agents tasked with guarding this enormous place fare as well as can be expected. Raise your hand if you are surprised that the black guy died first. The white guy at least got a sip of coffee in--to go cups? Is there a Starbucks in that palatial estate?--before being stabbed by Theo so he can play Dress Up Dolls with his borrowed thugs. 

 

Gina, having set up the clue that will not help her in the least, swings back in to the playroom filled with giant windows that are a sniper's dream. She's still uneasy, but seeing a guy in an FBI jacket, settles down to the game.

 

Theo overrides everything and leaves the override doohickey on top of the FBI vehicle wheel. Uh, okay, why did we need a closeup of that, again?

 

Back to Fancy Penthouse, where Eliza is probably watching Gossip Girls between international wheelie-dealings. Ryan, Max, and two silent agents get off the elevator and are surprised by said Eliza, dressed down and heading out to run errands or whatever she does when she's not booking the caterers for a sex murder party. She's immediately ANTENNAE UP as the sight of Ryan Hardy, whom she cared not a lick about two days ago but now is the most important/dangerous person in the world, but plays the part of twitterpated young thing well (a lot better then she does the coldhearted enforcer of a twisted international organization bullshit role, honestly.)  

 

Ryan, who doesn't know or care who this person is (yet), asks a few questions, buys her story that she's an assistant who's just there to water the plants, and he and Max bug off. That SHOULD have been the end of it, but of course Eliza panics and gets all her cannons in a row to go after Ryan since she sees this as a breach. Between this brain trust and the Paper Doll Security Goons I don't see how this shadowy cabal is anything but smoke and memories.

 

Back to Tax Dollars Estate, where the kids are done playing games and want to run around breaking shit, as is only right. Gina corrals them to take a nap and they head upstairs, only to hear a sound of shattering glass. Gina calls down, and when she doesn't get an answer, checks her phone (no service) and promptly chucks the wee ones into the panic room, so we the audience can relax about them. She heads downstairs and finds Dawn (good) and Daisy and Theo (VERY VERY BAD) who are holding Dawn at gunpoint, and now Gina too. Gina got disarmed awfully easily for a trained agent. We fade to commercial on Theo's deranged grin: Michael Ealy really is enjoying himself. 

 

Back at the FBI Ryan's leaving a message for Gwen about that ultrasound. He strolls into HQ where Max is muttering technobabble to Day Player Agent to tell him "Make sure you're doing that search off the grid." And how would you suggest he do that, Ryan? Hmmmm? That is the fucking stupidest line even for this show.

 

But never mind,Gina's calling! At Theo's behest, natch; she gives Ry a serving of bullshit about how she found some lead or other but he needs to come out there so they can talk in person, and Ryan's all ummm....sure. Okay. That's something I've got time for, see you soon. 

 

Theo, who apparently has not yet plumbed the depths of his own idiocy, thinks Ryan fell for it, but of course he did not; ahhh, the brief, fresh breeze that is Competent Ryan Hardy is rushing through the FBI! He grabs Max, heads over to the Fortress of Glass Solitude (where Lisa is finishing up a NOT AT ALL SHADY phone call of her own) and tells them to pop the sim cards on their cells and listen up: Theo's got Gina. 

 

Bibble babble betwixt the three and they get a raggedy bunch of agents they can trust together for a team and they head out! Tah Dah, that's the can-do spirit!

 

Meanwhile, Theo's grossing out everybody by threatening to burn down the mansion around the panic-room-stashed kids. Delightful. Gina is really really wishing she'd followed her instincts and gone on that damn honeymoon right now. Dawn has that look that most characters bobbing in the wake of the leads on this show get--equal parts ill and confused.

 

In come Theo's borrowed muscle all dressed in the perfectly fitting, not bloodstained at all dead agents' outfits, and Theo gets ready to slice and dice him some Ryan Hardy. Mmm, boy, he can hardly wait! He reminds them that Ryan's his and must be taken alive, which the cue for his Phone of I Hate You And Am Here To Ruin Everything to go off. Yes, it's Eliza, all stressed out and saying hey, we want Ryan alive now. For no discernible reason on the whole planet of Earth.

 

Theo's not happy at all, naturally, and is in the totally unenviable position of understanding how Mark felt when Theo shut down his carve Mike's heart out party. Ugh, can you imagine feeling empathy for Mark? Isn't that horrible?

 

Daisy, who's still here by the way, looks uneasy, since Unhappy Theo isn't the best person to be around. Theo twitches his face for a couple seconds, then flings himself across the room at Dawn! He's clearly needing a nice cleansing murder but Gina stops him at the last second, screaming that Ryan could call again and she won't help him if Dawn dies. Theo gets in Gina's face and screams about how he decides when they all die, and the way he purses his lips makes him look distractingly like a young James Earl Jones. Weird. But he doesn't kill Dawn, so that worked out okay for everybody. Except Theo, who's all murder-constipated now.

 

We're in the Hudson Valley (which contains both the Tax Dollars Stash House and the Hudson river. That last bit was just a little factoid that will in no way figure prominently in the next epsiode) where Ryan hilariously is rounding up the troops and explaining that this place is "strategically, a worst-case scenario." Oh, okay, then it made total sense to put Gina, her civilian wife and their two tiny little kids there! Why in God's name is Eliza worried about the FBI? Benny Hill dressed in an Olde Tymie Constable uniform would be more of a threat to her.

 

Anyway, Ryan sends these twelve guys out to make a perimeter (okay) and says he has to go in alone or Theo's gonna go bugshit which, fair enough. Ryan lays great stress on giving him ten minutes, no more, then has to borrow some agent's watch (OH MY GOD. And it's not even a plot point or anything, except to get said agent on screen so when she's murdered later we'll care about this or something? Who can fathom the misty wreckage of this writing crew's logic?) 

 

Back and forth with Max about this being reckless (MAX, DO YOU EVEN GO HERE?) and naturally ends with Ryan heading off all on his lonesome. There is no way this won't work out perfectly.

 

Theo sees Ryan pulling up and has many emotions, which come out as a threat to Gina not to do anything stupid or the increasingly superfluous Daisy will cut Dawn's throat. 

 

Ryan hops out and greets the fake FBI ageents, but rumbles them instantly (ahhh, the last gasp before Competent Ryan sinks beneath the waters) and takes one guy down immediately! He uses the guy's gun to shoot the other thug, then takes off as Theo runs out and they chase him into the woods. Well, that got Theo out of the house, anyway, so mission half accomplished?

 

It wouldn't be The Following without a chase-around in the dark, so the next few minutes are Ryan, Thug, and Theo plunging about trying not to break their ankles or put an eye out on a tree branch, with Ryan checking the countdown on his borrowed (FOR FUCK'S SAKE) watch. He circles back to the house. 

 

Which contains Gina and Dawn, having a silent back and forth that's interrupted by the pacing and tense Daisy, but she's distracted by a sound, switches out her knife for a gun and goes to check it out! Yes, unlike the last thousand times this scenario occurred, I'm sure this will go swimmingly for her!

 

Daisy moves through the mansion (amusingly ,she passes a portrait on the wall that bears an uncanny resemblance to Poe, which on any other show might qualify as an in-joke, but there is no way I am crediting these writers with that much cleverness) until she finally gets disarmed/headslammed/captured by Ryan! Yay! 

 

But most unfortunately, not before Theo slipped in and is holding a gun to Gina's head! Boo! Theo's clearly got the stronger bargaining position here, not giving a molecule sized crap about Daisy, and orders Ryan to drop his gun. This goes on for a good looooong time and ends up where we knew it would--Ryan dropping the gun, Daisy grabbing it up...

 

AND DAISY CHOOSING TO FURTHER HER OWN AGENDA by pointing it at Ry and hissing "You killed Kyle!" After a split second where everybody goes "Kyle who? Oh, right", Theo talks her down and offers her a treat by telling her to kill Gina and Dawn and the kids.  Well, it's no trip to Disneyland, but okay.

 

Daisy surprisingly stalls, saying the kids are in the panic room, but Theo's all don't worry, the anguished screams of their parents should get them down here! Ryan yells that Theo's got him, let them go, and Theo gives himself a little perk-me-up by punching Ry in the stomach. That looked unpleasant. 

 

 

Theo grabs up Ryan and tells Daisy to get the women up and outside, "We're going for a drive." Okay, sounds fun! Daisy untapes Gina, who immediately breaks out the "you don't have to do this" thing, and the long and short of this bit is Daisy's all sentimental when it comes to snapping childrens' necks because of her poor lost baby. Remember that bullshit? See how it circled around to become relevant to both plot and character? Naw, I'm funning ya, it's a big pile of crap is what it is.

 

This wraps up with Dawn taking a shot to the tummy, but it's nonfatal and Gina gets them both hustled into the panic room right ahead of Daisy's panicky bullets. So they're out of play and I'm sure Dawn will be fine. Gwen can patch her right up and get child care tips!

 

Outside, the gunshots have given Ryan a means of egress--he headbutts the thug and takes off, hands tied behind his back. Man, I hope Kevin Bacon got a "hands behind back bonus" negotiated in his contract. 

 

Theo chases after, naturally, bellowing "RYAN! RYAN!" while shooting at him--that seems more of a disincentive. But it becomes moot since those ten endless minutes are magically finally up, and he finds himself surrounded! Well, one car pulls up. But it contains Max, who takes down Thug Two (Thug Two, hold your head up in hell. You lasted longer than any of the others. Be proud!) but Theo naturally runs off. I'm sure that ironclad perimeter will stop him, I'm not worried.

 

Upstairs, Daisy gives up on the panic room door and heads off, having heard the sirens.

 

Max gets out of the car and runs to Ryan, who's yelling orders and getting his handcuffs undone and grabbing some poor rando's gun (geez, first the watch, now this!) and taking off after Theo. Max follows and the rest of the extras go up to fetch Gina and her family away from the worst Three Day Weekend ever.

 

Annnnd it's Running In The Dark Woods, part two! I guess there was a sale at Cliche Mart. The upshot (zing!) of this is Max and Daisy spotting each other and Daisy losing the standoff, in a manner that should be deeply satisfactory but instead is just--flat. Seriously, why bother killing these characters off if you're not going to give them any kind of sendoff? Max looks more like somebody who finally took the recycling out to the curb rather then an agent who just faced death and took down a serial killer. Even Daisy doing her Death Eyes seems bored.

 

Last few minutes of the show so let's get this stupid ramped up! Quick shot of Gwen holding her ultrasound picture and looking thoughtful, then we're back to running around the forest, then cut to Agent who gave Ryan her watch patrolling all on her lonesome! That seems like a smart idea.

 

Ryan and Theo shoot it out as Gwen's voice mail message is played over the footage: Mike's stronger, ultrasound went great, maybe you could come to the next one, here's the baby's heartbeat, etc.; basically everything Ryan will need to listen to/torment himself with in the mythical fourth season that will never come to pass if there's any justice in the world.  

 

Meanwhile, Agent Watchless gets shot by Theo and dragged out of her car. Guess he's escaping. 

 

Final song rises as Ryan plunges along and spots Agent, gasping with pain. He runs to her, puts pressure on the wound, calls for help in the stupidest fashion possible ("I'm on a road, someplace, outside?" Really? Really?? How did Bacon not just snap and start pistol whipping the writers?) More shots of Loving Mommy Gwen being all ironic, and yes I really do think it's like rain on my wedding day as she wraps up her loving diatribe and Ryan narrows down his position to the continental United States and Agent gasps a warning and Ryan turns into Theo's glaring face and TITLE CARD!

 

 

Act One of this travesty, complete! Join me tomorrow for my final sum up at Legendary Richen-Fuck Falls!

Edited May 20, 2015 by Snookums

[Schmoopy]

Snookums......your post was hysterical!  Thanks for the laughs

[MDKNIGHT]

Snookums-Thanks for your entertaining combo of wit and disdain.  I'm going to miss your recaps more than the show.  If you don't mind my asking, what other threads do you hang out in? What will fill the void(a mindless insult to culture of a void but a void none the less )for you?

[Sarah D. Bunting]

 

The cat's name is Baboo, not Magoo.

 

I understand that. The point is that Ryan Hardy is evidently blind, like Mr. Magoo.

[sjohnson]

Looking back, my opinion is that they went wrong in season one. It was the high comedy of Paul/Jacob/Emma that saved a goodly chunk of season one. But when the writers confused the effectiveness of Paul/Jacob/Emma with the audience loving Emma, and killed off the triangle, and tried to triangulate Emma with Joe and Mrs. Joe, they made a commitment to the badly written they never could overcome. 

Edited May 20, 2015 by sjohnson

[Desperately Random]

That may have been your best recap yet Snookums. I've only seen episode 14 but I know your last recap will make watching [torturing myself] thru episode 15 worth it.

And I have to agree with the majority here. What a disappointment. Even though I lowered my expectations as far as they would go, I was still underwhelmed with the writing. When I saw the Safehouse they had Gina, I couldn't believe the stupidity of hiding her there. (Wait, it's The Following, so yeah I could). That place was huge and had so many windows and doors it was the worst place to try and keep secure. Of course, Gwen's hotel room was a nightmare to secure but this mansion was no problem. Riiight. Ugh. This show. Started out promising and dived into the crapper and stayed there.

I am really hoping no one else picks this up. For some inexplicable reason, I cannot stop watching this show but I'm out now. I want to stay out.

[Snookums]

MDKNIGHT, I'm not sure! I watch/recapped for my own pleasure the first season of UTD, but I'm behind on that, and I don't think I could take watching season two and season three simultaneously. I watch Gotham but it's over for the season, as is Sleepy Hollow, and of course Mad Men, which is over forever *sobs*. And of course SVU.

 

If anybody's seen Wayward Pines and thinks it's worthwhile I might try that.

 

And sjohnson,  yes. If there's anything The Following's creators did consistently, it was not appreciate/use what they had. They honestly thought the idea of a mad/madly charismatic serial killer who gathers followers and is obsessed with Poe to be High Concept, something to be played to, rather than high comedy, something to be played with. And the more ludicrous the storylines, the more BUT THIS IS SERIOUS, SERIOUSLY SERIOUS they played it, forcing Purefoy to dampen his fabulousness and Bacon to be set on "auto-react-self-torment" at all times, which is not the most exciting thing to watch, to put it mildly, and makes snarky viewers like me far less likely to forgive/much more likely to shred the ridculousness that was left bobbing in their wake. You're constantly reminded of what could have been and it makes you a lot harder on what you're watching. Particularly when you see a talented cast who really could have flown if permitted to but instead had to grovel around in the dirt.

Edited May 20, 2015 by Snookums

[BigBlueMastiff]

Agree with you all, this was godawful, but like you I also couldn't stop watching the train wreck. The Sherlock Holmes ripoff ending was the nail in the coffin, please let this show die.

 

And thank you Snookums for your awesome recaps, so much more entertaining than this show. I've only watched the first Wayward Pines, and so far it's okay, give it a try. It can't possibly be worse than The Following has been. Also you may want to check out Salem, it doesn't take itself too seriously, good camp. ;)

Edited May 20, 2015 by BigBlueMastiff

[Irish Mermaid]

As it was ending I said out loud (to nobody) "how very Dexter of them."

Also, can't believe nobody has mentioned how much Special Agent Casey Novak's hair grew since last week ... just how much of a lag WAS there between shooting her scenes???

[kfree9]

That Eliza chick was perhaps the most annoying character on the show--and that's saying something.

 

I know they didn't necessarily know when filming these episodes that they were the last ones, but I felt bad that Shawn Ashmore, who had been there from the beginning, had to be in a hospital bed unconscious for 90% of the time.  Even Max got to run around and kill Daisy.

 

I liked a lot of the characters on this show, so that's why I kept watching even when it was terrible. Wish they could have wrapped it up better.

[luckyroll3]

I'm astonished that Gwen made it through this entire thing unscathed.  They could have at the very least have Ryan attempt to kill her during another psychotic break.  So disappointed.

[Ms. Poly Theist]

So glad I'm not the only one to have caught the *shameless* Fugitive ripoff. Of course, once I saw that Ryan was going off the bridge into the teeming waters below, I could smell it coming. I swear, I think that first part with him stalking through the hospital corridors, before we saw who it was, was a shot-for-shot copy of that same scene in The Fugitive. I half expected Ryan to dye his hair black and for Andreas Katsulas to show up with one arm.

[ratgirlagogo]

Good golly googamunga - I can't believe my prayers were answered. Worst show on television, and for some unfathomable reason a stubborn favorite of Mr Rat. Ding dong this pointless piece of shit is dead.

[Snookums]

Okay, here we go! The very last post, standing its lonely watch in the sea of crap that is--The Following. *dramatic drum roll or horn or something*

 

Ryan comes to in a car trunk. I honestly think this is a new experience for him, which is a nice little cookie for the show to give him, I guess. Unfortunately, it's Theo's trunk, which means the cookie is filled with arsenic and worms and those gross cheap ass gumdrops that taste like boogers. 

 

Theo opens the trunk and makes him get out at gunpoint (and Ryan's hands are ONCE AGAIN fastened behind his back! Seriously, Kevin, if your agent didn't negotiate that bonus fire his/her ass.)

 

The odd couple stumble through the woods (that's another bonus I hope these guys got, by the way--how much forest is there even for them to do this in?) and exchange banter that's as tired as these two look. Ryan assures Theo that this isn't how he ends--"you're not the guy to do it." Theo's on his deranged mood upswing, though, and merely grins merrily that he can't wait to see which one of them survives. Well, if internet chatter is anything to go by you'd better hope you both bite it, T.

 

Cut to the crapload of CSI techs the FBI hauls around in a circus wagon for crime scene runnings-around, taking pictures of Watchless Agent's blood puddle and bustling about in an official manner while Secretly Evil Lisa and Max confer on the latest clusterfuck. Pluses--The Lesbians In Peril have been rescued! Minuses--Ryan, Theo and Agent Alison Bartlett (Watchless Agent) are unaccounted for. Honestly, that's really batting .500 for this crew.

 

Unintentionally hilarious line from Max as to how these three could be missing: "How is that possible? We had a perimeter!" Um, your perimeter was twelve guys. Literally, twelve guys. I'm more surprised Theo didn't double back a few times just for shits and giggles, Max. 

 

Lisa wanks that Theo must have gotten the drop on Barton and forced her to drive through the "perimeter" (seriously, that's so cute) and asks why Theo didn't just ice Ryan on the spot rather then risk hauling his ass someplace, and Max says quietly "so he can take his time with him." Yep, standard Crazy TV Killer trope. It's saved Ryan's butt about 6,759 times so far.

 

Cut to everybody's favorite set: Dark, underground crap hole! Settle in, because we'll be spending a LOT of time here, oh boy. Theo marches Ryan along and monologues about how Ryan's concern for Bartlett makes him weak, blah blah blabbity blah; even editors of a fourth-string comic book would have red penciled this dialogue. Anyway, it ends with Ryan locked up in some kind of....jail cell? I think? Where the hell is this? 

 

Apparently this particular cell has a back door, though! Which is pretty thoughtful of the architect. Ryan wanders around, hands still behind his back, until he finds poor Agent Bartlett propped up against a wall, alive and talking but clearly not well. Oh, Bartlett. If only you hadn't given him your watch maybe Ryan's Stupid Curse would not have marked you for death.

 

Ry and Alison have a little back and forth about how long they were driving and Ryan starts scanning for any more kindly placed doors. Unfortunately, the rest of the doors apparently haven't forgiven him his "kicking them in" tendencies and are huffily refusing to appear.

 

Cut to Spaghetti Western Man With No Name Fed Building, where Max is haranguing Day Player Agent about finding Ryan and how Theo must have switched cars. Day Player is trying to be understanding but is visibly relieved when Lisa calls Max off, saying she needs to get to the hospital. Oh, that cannot be good.

 

And it is not! Mike's got high fever/nicked colon/sepsis, so the poor bastard is literally being poisoned by shit. Shawn Ashmore did not get a very glorious sendoff here, did he? 

 

Omnipresent Gwen fills Max in on the bad news, and says she's called Ryan but keeps getting voice mail. Max stutters "he's in the field", Gwen makes her usual Might Cry, Might Not face and leads Max back to the waiting room, where she should have her own personal chair by now.

 

Back to Wierdass Catacomb, Seriously, How is This Place Just Around? Set, where Theo's filling a rusty old tub with water from a running faucet (this deserted space has running water? Even if I bought Theo's rigging the place with electricity for his playdate with Ryan that is just CRAP) when his Cell Phone Of Shattered Dreams rings. He answers and it's Eliza, riding in her limo and playing princess. Oh, wait, I think she's supposed to be all scary here. So cute. She asks after Ryan and Theo's yep, got him trussed and the apple's in his mouth. Eliza's all great, texting you the drop point.

 

After  Theo asking after why Eliza's so damn hot for a breathing Ryan, she spews some bull about how he was at the penthouse and they need to know what he's learned. This is both idiotic and boring, and Theo thinks so too. He informs Eliza that instead, he's going to keep Ryan and do terrible things to him.

 

Eliza panics,  like she's realizing her folks are going to find that wine stain on the couch, and says hand him over and we'll shell out that new identity you were so keen on but Theo's all that's when Penny was alive and now I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BOO HOO. With great self restraint, I will not get into the sixty thousand ways this entire plot thread is fucking ridiculous (mostly because I already have) and the two actors continue to shovel the horseshit that is this scene, looking for that pony: Eliza's all bummer about your sister but we'll crush you like an insect because we are all godlike and shit, Theo taunting her for sounding afraid and says he'll send her a souvenir: Ryan's pacemaker! Well hell, might as well do something with that damn thing; it's not like Ryan's using it.

 

Theo hangs up and Eliza looks at her phone "What? That loser hung up on me??? I WILL TWITTER HIS ASS TO THE LOWEST DEPTHS OF HELL!" which would be great if this were Pretty Little Liars but not so much for the vanguard of a host of shadowy unimaginably powerful murderer guys. 

 

Cut to Ryan filing away at his cuffs (they're the plastic kind, a decision Theo will come to regret, but not as much as Eliza!) but he's got to pause to prop up Alison both physically and mentally; little exchange about her dad and boyfriend are waiting for her, he's going to propose, she saw the ring. Ryan asks what she's going to tell him and Alison gathers strength as she says "Yes. I'm going to say yes." It was nice of the show to give the actress this bit, she does a good job. Plus, you'll feel extra bad when she pointlessly dies! It's a twofer!

 

Ooops! It's Theo, there to drag Ryan off for playtime. I'm ever so worried, aren't you?

 

Cut to hospital waiting room, where Gwen's resting her pregnant tootsies and Max is pacing. This whole scene is Woman Bonding and stubbornly refuses to pass the Bechdel Test in any way. Basically Max decides this is a good time to beat herself up for not telling Mike she loved him (MAX. You were both kind of busy getting stabbed/shooting Mark! Seriously, cut yourself some slack here) and Gwen's rallying is only at about 68% because she's still worried at not hearing from Ryan. Max further decides that this is a good time to tell Gwen that Ryan's missing and get all dodgy about details but "The entire Bureau's looking for him. " This comforts Gwen as much as you'd expect but they're interrupted by the good news that Mike's in slightly less danger, hooray!

 

A bit more nattering and apology for not panicking Gwen earlier, and we go from Gwen's Standard Cry Face to Theo frogmarching Ryan approximately eighty six miles from his cell to that tub of water. Guy, I'm not telling you your business, but that's not the most efficient way to do things. Theo and Ryan have a nice little conversation about love that Ryan, who's burning through his allotment of eye rolls, puts an end to by requesting that Theo either kill him or shut the hell up already. So say we all.

 

Theo just becomes Ye Lord Mayor Of Old Cliche Town here, doing the ol' "push Ryan's head underwater" thing while going on about how he's going to make him suffer, just like Ryan did Penny, yadda yadda yadda, and guys? Question: Why do the roar and thrash thing when your tormentor's ducking your head underwater? Doesn't that just increase the chances of aspirating liquid? Plus, Ryan, dude: you KNOW he's not gonna just drown you, relax. Quit playing into his stupid hands! 

 

More crapfesting dialogue about how Theo should have expected Ryan to torture Penny because "you declared war on everything I love" and Theo really puts his back into the faux-drowning, doing that James Earl Jones face again as we go to break. Gawd,  this is only ten minutes in, time to speed things up here.

 

Back from break to HQ, where Day Player agent is going to come to regret doing his job this well: he's spotted Theo on the Traffic Cam! Lisa tries to look glad and not suspicious.

 

Cut to Max, leaning over Mike and stroking his cheek. I'm pretty sure fever-ridden people just out of multiple surgeries aren't supposed to have visitors who haven't bathed for about a week doing that, but I'm just an old killjoy. The two have a sweet little scene where Max tells Mike she's the love of his life, then promptly takes a phone call. Hee hee, get used to dating a Hardy, Mike.

 

It's Day Player Agent, whose name is apparently Hawkins (nice to give him a handle before his demise) calling with the "we found Theo's car" update. Max requests that he forward the video to her product placement...er, Tablet, she'll work from Mike's hospital bedside. Man, Mike is really getting shoved in the deep end of Dating A Hardy, here.

 

Back to stroking Mike's forehead, and boom, he's awake! Awww, that's sweet.

 

Ryan comes to and coughs out a pint or two of water, then finds a handy loose rock to continue filing away at his cuffs. Ryan really can multitask, I'll say that for him. However, he's distracted by Theo dragging poor Alison into the room, knowing this shit never ends well. He says it isn't about her, and Theo's all true, but like everybody else who comes within fifty feet of you, it's going to suck for her anyway!

 

Long and short of it, Theo cuts poor Alison's throat for crappy, specious reasons. Thanks, Following. Classy to the last.

 

But Theo's not going to get to savor his latest horrible deed, because what's this? Only a bunch of heavily armed men storming in! Who the hell are these guys? asks everybody including Theo, and any hope it's the cops dies when in strolls tiny, imperious Eliza! Ohhh, she's mad, I can tell by her giant coat collar! She answers Theo's unasked question by saying she had a tracker placed on "Agent Hardy." "You DID?" says Agent Hardy's face. Man, Ryan's life is just Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout-ing all over him today!

 

"When we want something, we get it, " she informs Theo. I don't know why she couldn't have sent her thugs to find trackered Ryan at any point BEFORE THIS, but whatever. She's here now and Theo's gonna pay. Or whatever.  Ryan goes back to filing his cuffs and trying to make any kind of sense of his universe.

 

Max brings Mike a sip of water and they get down to business. Not that kind, dirty mind, finding Ryan! Mike is really damn alert for somebody with about eight thousand major injuries and a fever. In fact, he gives Max the idea to recheck the traffic cam, and Microsoft Tablet Product Placement comes through again! Technobabble, and kazinga, there's a glitch in the feed that Max sorts out to find: Theo's car! Yay, let's tell Lisa!

 

Oh, wait, Lisa already knows, since she's having a highly incriminating conversation with Eliza right now! In her workplace! That seems unwise! 

 

(Oh, and, Lisa's evil. Gasp. I am so shocked.)

 

Basically Lisa's all I took precautions that Max will NEVER be able to see through in one second so they won't find you, just make sure there's enough Theo left for me to identify and get a promotion. Wow, that's a helluva way to get out of teaching at Quantico.

 

Eliza assures her that "we" are all down with that, and Lisa hangs up smugly, then gets a call from Max that ruins everything. Bummer, Lisa! Hang out with the Hardys, get Stupid Cursed, that's the deal!

 

Lisa grits her teeth and compliments Max, saying she'll fetch her from the hospital and they'll go out there and she'll shoot her in the head/find Ryan, of course is what she means. To make her day complete, Hawkins strolls up and asks what's up, they aren't having any luck with the search, and Lisa heads out before she just starts firing her gun into the ceiling.

 

Back to Catacombs of Convenience. Eliza berates Theo for a bit and says she doesn't enjoy getting blood on her hands. Really? I thought she was a fucking Strauss Student. He was pretty hands on. She goes to cut Theo's throat but he informs her they're back in a Bond movie and he's programmed the entire world to go rat-crazy on her organization's ass; some bullshit about a code and downloading and I don't know, who cares. Eliza sure doesn't; she tells the goons to "get the code" and just walks off. Boy, she's really not very feedbacky as a manager, is she?
 

Goon throws Theo down and starts electrocuting him, which looks pretty ouchy but doesn't make the rest of the lights so much as flicker. Mmm hmmm. Eliza shows up to totally show her ass to Ryan (not like that, you pervs.) He says man, Theo must have really pissed you off, and that makes me like you! Eliza's not in the mood, though, and cuts to the chase; what does Ryan know about her and who did he tell?
 

Ryan's all uh, nothing and no one, weirdo, but Eliza, having dug her own grave this far, just keeps tunneling and revealing more and more shit that Ryan would have not cared about AT ALL if she hadn't pulled this in the first place. 

 

Theo keeps getting zapped but nothing comes of it.

 

Eliza threatens Ryan some more but nothing comes of it. 

 

This shitfest finally ends with Eliza pulling Gwen's sonogram from her purse and threatening her, Ryan gets his game face on, and we go to break. I would very, very much like to know how Eliza got her job. Strauss must have written the mother of all recommendations.

 

Helicopter shot and we're in a car with Max and Lisa, with Max focused and Lisa trying to convince her to turn around for no reason at all, I am not evil, hey, that's nothing, get back in the car...

 

And Max has located Ryan's kidnap vehicle! This continues with Max all RYAN'S AROUND HERE CALL FOR BACKUP OR SOMETHING I HEAR THAT'S A THING PEOPLE DO and Lisa counters with totally will, chill out, um, you wanna hunt for four leaf clovers? Or something else that isn't looking for Ryan? 

 

Max says they should split up and cover more ground and Lisa says it's a bad idea to her receding back, which is by far the most intelligent exchange ever for this show. EVER. 

 

Back to Ryan going oh my FUCKING GOD, NUTJOB, I have no idea what you're talking about, ask your FBI source that planted the tracker, all the while filing away at his cuffs, which Eliza doesn't notice at all, being too busy hissing that Ryan's "the king of rogue operations, I have to assume you haven't shared everythi..." and the rest of that idiot sentence is happily cut off by Ryan snapping free of the cuffs at last and lunging at her!!! YAAAAY! I am WAY past being done with this.

 

As is Ryan! Mashing her against a wall, he gets in her face and snarls "You dumb bitch." ahhh, a farewell "Ryan Channels The Audience!" How nice! He goes on that he doesn't know anything about her but he's going to make a point of changing that around, by God, and then has to take time out to beat up more of Eliza's worthless security guys.

 

One of whom has left Theo alone, who takes the opportunity to to burn through his bonds with the electric wires and escape! Man, this is not going to come up on Eliza's performance review under Strengths, lemme tell ya.

 

Everybody runs around the now absurdly well lit catacombs, the main point of said running being Theo's finding the sonogram, which he immediately connects to Gwen somehow. Whatever, God, let's keep moving. 

 

More running!  Ryan lays out the rest of Eliza's morons as Theo flees down various tunnels. 

 

Theo finds a ladder! So does Ryan! He fires up at Theo but after a couple shots he's out of ammo, so he starts climbing up, but whoops! There's Theo with a big ol' stick, speaking softly through his latest monologue! Hamlet has less monologuing then Theo does.

 

Theo keeps desperate, adrenaline riddled Ryan at bay with a stick while smugging about how he's going to kidnap Gwen and take Ryan's baby and beat it up or something gross like that but I'm to busy yelling GRAB THE DAMN STICK to pay much attention. Seriously, either you can yank him down to you or he'll let go and you have a weapon, Ryan! Christ, I guess Competent Ryan is in back sorting his record collection or something.

 

Cut to Eliza trotting through the woods carrying what is apparently a tommy gun and in no kind of mood, which Lisa discovers when she runs into her! Man, small world. Eliza asks what the hell Lisa's doing, Lisa's all don't blame me, Max is smart or something. 

 

Theo, conveniently also in this one square meter of forest, happens along to hear the rest of the conversation, which mostly involves Eliza trying to be threatening about how Lisa better make sure Ryan's finished up with his breathing of air if her men don't kill him (world's safest bet, they have not) and Lisa actually looking worried instead of amused at the idea of Eliza shooting a gun as big as she is. 

 

Eliza heads off and Lisa does the same, only to be grabbed by Theo, who can improvise quite well when he has to.

 

Ryan, meanwhile, has finally found his way outside, only to be almost taken down by a goon! But even he doesn't have to suffer that indignity:  Max, who's also running around this tiny little patch of woods, takes him out! Ryan shuts down her "Thank God you're alive!" with a demand for her phone. Boy, Ryan and Miss Manners are never going to be pals, that's clear. 

 

Ryan is, to be fair, panicking about Gwen, and he's calling her guard detail at his apartment.  I think that's Day Player Hardwick, about to be rewarded in Following fashion for his hard work and loyalty. Ryan tells them that Theo's on the way and to lock everything down, which the guy agrees to do...

 

Right after he calls Lisa! Who's in her car with Theo holding a gun on her! Man, this day is not going the way Lisa hoped, at all. She basically countermands Ryan's orders and says to get ready to move Gwen, she'll be there with a team as soon as possible and she's totally not bringing any crazy murderers with her at all!  Theo nods approval. 

 

Gwen, who's apparently been standing around with her hand on her stomach since she got back from the hospital, isn't too thrilled to hear that Ryan's place is not the haven of security he felt it to be, but she goes to pack up. How did she even unpack? She's been at the hospital this whole time. 

 

Ryan and Max get in a random car and to Max's queries as to what's going on and who's that guy she shot, lies to her face, saying he must be working with Theo. Oooooh.

 

Gwen and her soon to be slaughtered security detail move through the apartment building in a creepy manner. I really don't see how this was less of a "nightmare" to guard then Gwen's hotel, but hey, I'm not FBI! 

 

Ryan fights his way through traffic as Max tries to reassure him and we get to sit through yet another "right now with this?" conversation as Ryan curses his life and Max says things have to change, he deserves to be happy, etc. But Ryan's on a tear, pointing out that nothing's ever going to change, look what happened to Mendez! He also lets slip the baby news, and Max is happy but for Ryan it's just more fuel for the self loathing fire: "I really thought the universe owed me. But I don't get to be happy, Max, that's not the world I live in." I think somebody mixed up dialogue and stage directions on Kevin's script.

 

Cut to Gwen and agents heading down to the creepy basement, which okay! That's not unsettling in the least! Gwen does at least ask why they're going to the bowels of the building and Hardwick is we ALWAYS do it this way, lady, quit worrying, it's not like a crazed murderer is after you!

 

Lisa nearly gets herself shot by hopping in front of Hardwick's gun, but then they all get to share that fate when Theo comes out and mows down all three of them!  Gwen, who's just doing cry faces to beat the band, manages to run off...

 

As Ryan and Max pull up and run in...

 

And it wouldn't be The Following without another "sneak around a pitch black set" bit, which ends as we knew it would, with Theo snagging Gwen and hauling her off. Ryan and Max, meanwhile, burst into Ryan's apartment, where he lunges for his land line and tries to call Lisa. Since there's no answer, as Lisa is currently busy lying in a pool of her own blood and idiocy, he decides Theo must have Gwen. I mean, he does, Ryan's right, but I don't see how Lisa not answering her phone tells him that.

 

Cripes, this thing! We still have fifteen minutes and we're not even at the All Star Stupid Finale yet!

 

Max, having called in and learned that Lisa's phone is pinging in the basement, leads Ryan down the stairs and too the currently cooling trio of two agents and one fucking moron in an FBI jacket. "Campbell!" gasps Max. "How'd she get here? I left her in the woods!" Well, that wasn't very considerate of you, Max! But Max is too busy calling for an ambulance to heed me. I really can't believe all Hardys don't just have an ambulance follow them around 24-7 by now. 

 

Ryan gets a bunch of lies out of Lisa, then charges off. At Max's "where are you going?" he replies "Up!" OH, AND WHAT AN UP IT WILL BE!

 

Cut to a car with Theo being crazy and Gwen doing cry faces. She is tied up in a deeply bizarre fashion that involves her bound wrists being hooked above her head somehow, though, so I'll cut her a break this time. 

 

Long and deeeeeeeply stupid conversation between these two, that I truly do not care about, mainly because it's a rehash of Theo's nuttery and Gwen's being made to look stupider by the second. Poor Zulieikah Robinson, this crap was beneath you. This wraps up with Theo saying don't bum, we'll name the baby after Ryan and Gwen turning the cry face up to eleven.

 

AND NOW WE ARE FINALLY AT THE BIG FIREWORKS OF STUPIDITY that make up the last act! Yes, Ryan is in a helicopter! And while I know it's impossible it honestly looks like he's flying the damn thing! Okay, show, bring it on! 

 

Ryan and Max chase Theo's car all over the shop, with a few false "lost 'ems" for fake suspense building, but soon enough Ryan has tracked him down and is in pursuit! 

 

Theo, addled by all this overhead attention, nearly drives into a roadblock as Gwen cry faces, but spins around at the last second and drives through traffic cones and building materials to a dead end as the copter practically lands on top of him, finally bailing and shooting at the thing as it touches down. Ryan hops out the back, it looks like, so apparently he wasn't flying after all, boo. Also apparently, that pilot is the most chilled out guy ever, a man who lets nothing shake him. He doesn't even do something like radio in his position, he's that cool, man.

 

Standard chase and here we are at Beloved Literary Character Violation Falls! Yes, we are about to watch The Following just start eating its own tail without shame; time to re-enact Sherlock Holmes' famous struggle with Moriarty! Only, you know, completely stupid and enraging! The Following always likes to add that extra touch to show it cares.

 

Gwen cry faces through the yelling between Theo and Ryan until this ends with Ryan fake-standing down, then SHOOTING THEO IN THE HEAD! Man, that was great! It's not like he could possibly get up and keep going after that!

 

Ryan runs to Theo, then grabs Gwen in a hug, sealing his fate by saying "I thought I lost you." Damn, dude, next you'll say that at least it isn't raining or something! Do you ever learn?
 

The lovefest is interrupted by...THEO! Who has decided, bullet in the damn temple or no, his last act on earth is to pay one last tribute to Kevin's horror movie past by imitating Freddie! He rises up and throws himself on his adversary, blood streaming from the bullet hole, and they both go over the side of the bridge! FUCK! Sorry, channeling Conan Doyle for a second, there. If he said things like fuck. I'm pretty sure he would if he saw this.

 

Gwen screeches RYAN! at a pitch that could deafen bats, and keeps doing so as she spots him clinging to the webbing on the side of the bridge. Rather then doing something like trying to throw him her scarf, or anything. Ryan, finally realizing that Life, The Universe and Everything are not on his side, gasps "I love you," then deliberately drops into the raging waters of the river. Damn, that's a break up move if I ever saw one.

 

Gwen's screams fill the air in useless fashion as we go to final break. Boy, that kid of hers is going to be exposed to so much adrenaline that she's going to have to play Grand Theft Auto by his crib to get him to sleep.

 

Final ten minutes! You thought ripping off Conan Doyle was bad? How about The Fugitive? Quit making that face, we're almost done.

 

Soft Final Music plays over shots of the CSI Box Set dragging the river as Max walks around watching, pretty calm considering the circumstances. She gazes into the roiling water as we cut to a newscaster filling us in on the whole "no bodies found but NOBODY could live through that, trust us." Somewhere in hell, Mark is getting a little chuckle out of that. 

 

Watching said broadcast on one last product placement tablet is Eliza, on her phone and trying to pretend she wasn't panicking and nearly exposed her entire organization/bosses to worldwide scrutiny. She's assuring said bosses that it's over, they've got eyes on everybody, no worries, everything's cool. Bye, Eliza. See you never, I guess.

 

Cut to Max (who hasn't slept in a literal week) at Mike's bedside, there to continue her proud tradition of dumping horrific news on him. Love of his life, she is. Sean Ashmore conceals his rage at having to do his final scenes in a hospital bed as they hug.

 

AND HERE WE ARE. Oooooh, a big scary guy in a giant hoodie (shout out to his dead pal, I guess) is slinking through the hospital, dodging cops and security men in a manner that should frankly get him tackled to the ground in two minutes, but we're almost done here so let's just keep going, okay? Scary guy, donning a quick arm sling, skulks along all NOT HERE TO STEAL MEDS OR ANYTHING AND I'M TOTALLY THEO, OKAY? as we cut to Gwen and Max hugging beside Mike. We don't care about this! Back to Scary Guy!

 

Scary Guy, face still hidden, enters....gasp! Lisa's hospital room! Oh, it's Theo, come to finish what he started, that bullet didn't slow him down a bit, oh shock, oh terror! Oh, hi, Ryan. 

 

Because it is, of course, Ryan. He's there to wrap up Lisa since Diane Neal clearly would rather be out of work for another five years then be on this show another five minutes. They go back and forth, with Lisa trying to explain and Ryan all "Stop. Two agents are dead because of you, " and man, if that is not the pot calling the kettle black.

 

He goes on to say that he's dead too: that's the only way his "family" stays safe, "and your friends will never see me coming."

Lisa tries to warn him off, saying that the rich psycho has a lot invested in staying safe and there's nothing one guy can do. Since this shitfest is cancelled, true enough! 

 

"So what now?" sobs Lisa. Ryan says first, she'll tell him everything she knows, and then...

 

Cut to Ryan limping out of her room to the sound of a dead heart monitor, as two nurses take their damn sweet time getting there and both ignore the giant creepy guy who clearly just left her room. The security in this hospital is a joke no matter how many killers are or aren't running around.

 

Siggghhh....the hell with this. Ryan limps about, passing every damn cop in Manhattan, pretty much, spots Gwen etc. in Mike's room, gets all tortured, cut to babyfest and how they'll all be there for each other hug time. Ryan treats himself to one last glimpse of what he's giving up and we get one last cliche as he wolfs past and Gwen does the "something out there? Huh, guess I was mistaken" bit. See ya, Gwen, Max and Mike. Here's hoping you all move to Ohio and run a coffee shop or something. 

 

Ryan limps down the hall to the rise of Final Song, doing the "ditch the arm sling and stand tall" thin as he exits (with a cop right behind him as he does so--man, Following, you just push that incompetence right to the line!) And I would have forgiven everything, everything, if only Joe had swung in behind him, hoodie blowing in the wind, as Ryan strides into his new life as a vigilante! Why, why, why could they not do that? Is it so much to ask? But no. The Following leaves me at its ending as it did at the beginning--bewildered and bothered, with a little bemused thrown in. 

 

 

And that is it! My final post for the final episode of this benighted show! I loved doing these recaps, and thank you all so much for reading, and Previously TV for putting up with me! May we all follow Poe Head into a brighter dawn.

Edited May 21, 2015 by Snookums

[sjohnson]

Have to add to the thanks to Snookums for the recaps. 

[luckyroll3]

Theo keeps desperate, adrenaline riddled Ryan at bay with a stick while smugging about how he's going to kidnap Gwen and take Ryan's baby and beat it up or something gross like that but I'm to busy yelling GRAB THE DAMN STICK to pay much attention. Seriously, either you can yank him down to you or he'll let go and you have a weapon, Ryan! Christ, I guess Competent Ryan is in back sorting his record collection or something.

 

Oh my goodness.  I completely forgot about the fucking stick!!  I of course wasn't paying too much attention and thought the bray thing Theo was holding Ryan at bay with was a very pretty gun.  I bet if it was a gun, it wouldn't have stopped Ryan from climbing that ladder!

[Desperately Random]

Well. just finished with the last episode. OMG, that was brutal. Trust The Following to go out on a low (and really stupid) note. The only good thing I can say is that I'm glad they didn't kill off Mike. I didn't want to see his character die after all the beatings, stabbings and kidnappings he was put through these last three seasons. Also, cuz he's pretty. LOL

I was hoping that the show would make an effort and the ending would be at least half-way decent but I knew that was a long shot. I honestly think the writer's just gave up and said we're going to borrow [steal] some scenes from some much better shows and call it a day.

So glad it's over. Now I just have Under the Dome as my "horribly written but I can't stop watching" show.

Thanks again for the amazing recaps Snookums. Without a doubt, they were far better written and more entertaining than this show ever was.

[Dowel Jones]

I

didn't want to see his character die after all the beatings, stabbings and kidnappings he was put through these last three seasons.

 

No, he just has Max in his life now.

[TheRabbi]

I've been out of town, so I finally got to watch this today.  Ugh.  I don't have any more thoughts or snark to share than what was offered by Snookums (its been a pleasure reading the recaps).

 

I was so thankful that this show was canceled, but I have to admit, that the prospect of Ryan going all Dexter is definitely intriguing enough that I'd probably watch season 4 if it got picked up by something (something that I already pay for like Netflix, not Hulu or Amazon).

 

But man was this stupid.  My eyes are really sore from all the rolling they did in these 2 hours.  I thought the FBI has been incompetent for 3 seasons now, but they've got nothing on Nina's guards (she's still Nina to me).

 

Does anyone remember what this season was about?  All I remember is some elaborate plan involving Daisy and Kyle to free Strauss from prison courtesy of his crooked lawyer.

 

It's amazing how GREAT the FBI's tech can be when they need the plot to move, and how HORRIBLE it can be when they need the plot to stall.  All of the highway cameras locating Theo in mere seconds is so completely ludicrous.  Yet I still have nightmares of how they couldn't trace a simple phone call when they had someone (I think it was Mark or Luke) on the phone earlier this season for a solid couple minutes.  Also, being from the upstate region of New York, that mile marker 244 is MILES FROM NEW YORK CITY.  Max and Ryan (and the FBI mole) sure did cover that ground remarkably quickly if they were able to get there by the time the pleasant FBI agents were moving Gwen.  Speaking of the FBI mole.....seriously, wtf?  How on earth did she get involved in this? I thought she was a cop in Philly until being randomly put in charge of this FBI charade after Captain One-Eye went to glass eye rehab or something.  And while Nina's storyline was certainly going to be explored more in season 4, Mole's story was certainly not since she was mercifully offed by Ryan.

 

I thought the last few minutes was good (considering all the tropes that were present, like how Snookums pointed out Gwen's "Is Ryan near" sniff of recognition).  But I was so disappointed that there wasn't an appearance from Ghost Joe, leading Ryan the rest of the way down the path to darkness.  I was so sure it was coming since Purefoy's name was still in the credits at the beginning, but maybe that was a contractual thing for the season.  Lousy job of not including him.

 

Anyways, I did say I didn't have a lot of comments, but I guess once the ball starts rolling its tough to stop.  One of the first commenters mentioned the loss of both this and Revenge, and I was feeling the same way last week, and had been feeling similarly about the shows.  Both are so horribly written, so ludicrous, and yet, often both hilarious campy entertainment.  Glad I watched, but won't really miss either one next season.

 

ETA:  When they kept mentioning that Theo was going to target someone close to Ryan, I kept waiting for some mention of Claire.  I can't remember exactly how her and little Joey ended up last season - witness protection I think?  I'm sure the reason they didn't target her is that Natalie Zea wanted nothing further to do with this trainwreck, but at least a throwaway line saying she was safe somewhere (like they did with Ryan's sister) would have helped.  

Edited May 23, 2015 by TheRabbi

[luckyroll3]

Just wanted to add a special thanks to Snookums for all the delightful recaps.  I just finished the last one, and it was great, as usual.  However, I want to especially thank you for the image of the death row inmates all singing "He Had it Coming", as that image of the sound and a dance routine as the doors opened and they surround Joe, Ryan, and the hostages has forever been burned into my brain as one of the funniest things I have ever read and pictured in my head.  

[TimWil]

I actually wouldn't have minded if the show went all supernatural and Ghost Joe strangled Theo very, VERY SLOWLY.

[alexvillage]

I know nobody is posting here anymore but

Did Theo get shot in the head and then GOT UP?

Not only got up but had the strength to RUN and ATTACK Ryan?

Gosh, this show really sucked!