Man, unfair, show--yanking my heartstrings at the end like that. But I guess it's a Thanksgiving episode, so! (Did Archie have that plaque ready to go or what? Mary was wearing the same hideous blouse she had on for the scene right before, so, I guess so?)
In that spirit, I'm most thankful for:
Veronica yanking that tablecloth to hell and gone; go girl! I hope the show sticks to these guns for a while and doesn't try any "but Ronnie just wants her family to be together" nonsense again. They burned that bridge long ago and really, it's more fun to watch Mark go full Villain than to pretend these two have anything resembling a healthy relationship. Also, Boring Older Sister seems to have vanished back to Miami, yay! This triangle doesn't need any more sides.
Betty whanging Bret The Most Punchable with a golf club. Then, when he and Donna have the platinum plated nerve to complain about said whanging, "Well, now he's bleeding and I'm guessing the infirmary's locked up tight." Extra points for the THREE STITCHES she put in with--what? regular thread?--and adding "maybe this will teach you not to put on a mask and threaten my boyfriend with an axe." Yank! Damn, girl, you cold!
The DICKINSONS plotting the stupidest revenge ever for their comatose moron family member/bread winner, Dodger (and again, extra points for kidnapping said comatose man from the only hospital where no alarms go off at the nurses' station when the guy apparently flatlines after they unhook him from all his mechanical support.)
Cheryl deciding every family needs to renact Titus Andronicus for their family get-together. Nana Rose playing her part right on cue made it extra special. Speaking of extra, gotta love Cheryl's cheerful chirping of her plans to get rid of Bedford; "The ice will keep him down all winter and by spring the salmon will have gobbled up his eyes!" Toni, I don't want to tell you your business but YOU IN DANGER, GIRL.
Triple honorable mentions for:
The Spartacus moment featuring three twelve year olds who collectively couldn't beat up a butterfly, let alone a full grown man.
FP realizing that in Riverdale World there's no reason he can't openly be a gang member and sheriff--makes as much sense as anything else!
And of course, Archie being Archie and deciding to deep fry a turkey inside.