S11.E22: She's Leaving Home

[choclatechip45]

Also the only other owner of the hospital that doesn't have an extremely close personal connection to both her and her dead husband is the Avery Foundation which is controlled by a woman that is an extremely close personal relationship with a man that basically considers himself Mer's father. Frankly that is one of the most plausible parts of the episode, it's hard to imagine a situation where they wouldn't give her a job whenever she wanted, plus it's not like she would be displacing another specialist head, she is a general surgeon.

Also I am going to make a completely ridiculous assumption which I feel is completely fair given this show, Mer has millions and millions of dollars and not job, it doesn't seem unreasonable that she spent a good chunk of those 9 months with Christina in Zurich. And no, Alex saying Christina saying she hadn't talked to Mer doesn't discount that, a good friend would feel completely justified in lying in a case like this and it would explain why she wasn't central in the concern.

Plus Catherine knows she is Ellie Greys daughter and thinks very highly of that.

[windsprints]

I agreed with many points made in the article JAYJAY1979 posted.

Oh like that matters.

I didn't say it would matter at all going forward ;), just that I thought the moment was.

the cheesy floating Derek head when Meredith told Alex she saw Derek in baby Ellis

LOL I completely missed that. I have to go back later and look for it. Wow, that's cheese.

As was already mentioned, there's no way Jackson would be watching the "National League playoffs" in early summer.

I thought they showed July 4th, then Jackson, then Halloween. Jackson had on a jacket and I just assumed it was early October.

Edited May 1, 2015 by windsprints

[Greysaddict]

 

LOL I completely missed that. I have to go back later and look for it. Wow, that's cheese.

 

I missed this too...and i watched that part twice.  I have to go back yet again to see this.

[Maharincess]

Gives/Gave a S*t

Thanks. I'll never understand using initials like that instead of just typing the whole word.

[Spicymustard]

Ugh. I hate Amelia and seeing the preview for next week makes me not want to watch.

I actually like Owen and dr. Pierce and don't mind the interns but I don't know if I can do the show if Amelia is going to take a central role.

I liked this much more than last week which was too heavy on the cheesy contrivances. I am so, so, very glad they skipped the endless scenes of everyone sobbing at Derek's funeral. I can assume they would and didn't need to see it. Loved the time jumps, hated the time wasted on Bailey/ Ben as she has become unwatchable to me.

I totally agree except I usually like bailey and Ben scenes but the ones in this episode were just soooo boring.

[Kat]

 

Next time I see a carousel, I'm definitely punching it.

Heh. I needed this laugh after watching this episode. Most of the bad parts have already been pointed out; although it can't be said enough, just how bad an actress Caterina Scorsone is as Amelia. No. Just no.  I'll focus on what I liked instread.

 

THE GOOD:

- Ellen Pompeo's acting: I have loathed her for 11 years for this season, I really think she's showing range and she's getting better at conveying emotion with just her eyes.

- Alex Karev: You guys, I've loved Justin Chambers and this character since Season 1, episode 1. I don't even care if they get Maggie and him together.

- The time jump: I really appreciated the pacing and timeline they set. I know I may be in the minority here.

 

[CleoCaesar]

Further, what possible reason could she have for denying that her shows are soap operas?

 

I'm gonna say extreme self-aggrandizement and narcissism.

[Artsda]

Does she think she's better than a soap opera? Empire is a soap opera, they embrace it and play it up and the show is beyond successful. So Shonda trying to act like her shows are something more or better is eye rolling.

 

Bold and the Beautiful writes better than Grey's.

[Muffyn]

The kids were being watched by the hospital social worker. She met them at the Ambulance when they brought Meredith in, the assumption is they were cared for by the social worker while Meredith was in surgery. This happens in hospitals all the time.

Because Meredith ended up at a competent hospital at which they not only looked after her children, but they also took good care of her and reached out to her emergency contact.  Okay, so maybe I'm still bitter about they way Derek died.  

 

I really disliked the engagement scene.  I recently had a long discussion with a group of friends about big showy engagements and almost all of us said we did not like them.  (Dr. Muffyn had sense enough to just slide a ring on my finger when we were heading to dinner and asking if I would consider wearing it for awhile.)  The scene at the restaurant was realistic.  The hospital engagement was OTT.  Why would everyone else around be so happy for them?  I can understand the doctors with whom they are friends being invested, but not every random person on the floor.  Why was no one pissed off because they wanted to take the stairs? 

 

Off to look for floating Derek head. . . .

[bluebonnet]

I finally went to look for that floating Derek head.  Can't stop laughing.  It looks like an editing mistake, or maybe one of the editors playing a joke.  It's so hilariously ridiculous.  Just a random shot of "in case you forgot what he looked like".  

[ElectricBoogaloo]

And for the record, that floating head is totally what they would do on a daytime soap, so don't try to act like this show is some kind of high art that's better than a soap opera, Shonda. Half the accidents on this show are no better than Dr. Drake Ramoray falling down an elevator shaft.

[ParadoxLost]

The stuff that bugged me was a lot of the inbetween. 

 

Alex gets a text from Meredith.  Did he tell anyone?  How did they react? 

 

Alex shows up after the kids are born at New Years.  He takes her home at Valentine's day.  When did everyone find out about the baby?  Did Alex take leave to be her person for 6 weeks while she recovered and needed help with the baby?  Did he visit?  Did he tell anyone where he was going?  Did anyone else visit before Meredith came home?

 

I'm always bothered when they do the important moments off screen.  It makes me think the writers can't handle it or think the actors can't handle it.  This must be a TV trope but I haven't found the name of it.

 

I see the need to put distance from Derek's death and let Meredith get some peace because they can't wallow in it for a year.  But the pacing of this seemed wrong.  Derek dying should have had some emotional resonance.  It deprived the audience.  They had four hours left this season to do this and so far the first three have not been done well.  It seems like events /disasters of old worked much better than this.  I started feeling like Alex was the only person really connected to Meredith and they realized that the ideal way to structure this wouldn't work because the characters aren't that tight.  I have to think if Cristina, George, and Izzie were still around this would have been a completely different episode.  Meredith doesn't seem to have formed any meaningful ties as characters have left.

 

Speaking of George and Izzie.  Was there a scene that implied that Meredith rode the death elevator?  I saw one scene of Meredith in an elevator that was lit weird.  I thought it was a callback to Izzie and George; but it could have been a flashback scene I didn't recognize.

 

 

I also thought it showed Meredith standing on her own without Derek or her person. Through the years Meredith always ran to Cristina then Alex for any decision, annoyingly so IMO. She didn't in this episode, she made each decision and worked through it all on her own.  I do think it was selfish not to send Alex even a text for months just to let him know she and the kids were ok. I'm cautiously optimistic that the "person" crap has been put to rest now and that Alex and Meredith can have a normal friendship.

 

Yes.  I noticed this too.  Mostly because I was waiting for the camera to pull back from the scene with Meredith not able to sleep in her bed after she came home to see Alex sleeping platonically on the other side.

 

I guess it was a storytelling convenience; but I thought it was weird that Meredith would leave everyone but keep the same cell phone number.

[windsprints]

Was there a scene that implied that Meredith rode the death elevator?  I saw one scene of Meredith in an elevator that was lit weird.  I thought it was a callback to Izzie and George; but it could have been a flashback scene I didn't recognize.

 

I just saw this while looking for the floating head. It was when Alex first got there and she seemed kind of out of it. I think it was supposed to be Derek there with her, telling her she is strong in a crisis, can do it, etc. I don't know what else it could be, I don't think she was ever in danger of dying while having the baby. 

 

Meredith's head isn't much larger than baby jumbo's head, lol.

[PrincessTT]

I just saw this while looking for the floating head. It was when Alex first got there and she seemed kind of out of it. I think it was supposed to be Derek there with her, telling her she is strong in a crisis, can do it, etc. I don't know what else it could be, I don't think she was ever in danger of dying while having the baby. 

 

Meredith's head isn't much larger than baby jumbo's head, lol.

 

Wasn't Derek telling her she's strong in a crisis a flashback to when he proposed in 'Elevator Love Letter'? 

I'm sure I remember those words from then. 

[Greysaddict]

Camilla just posted on twitter that the person holding Mer's hand during the funeral was meant to be Cristina.  i think most people commenting on the tweet think it was actually Sandra Oh (uh, no).  I personally thought it was Amelia though.  

 

This totally reminds of when Owen mistook Jo for Cristina in the frat house.  All these curly hair brunettes look the same from behind I guess (kidding here).  

[windsprints]

Wasn't Derek telling her she's strong in a crisis a flashback to when he proposed in 'Elevator Love Letter'? 

I'm sure I remember those words from then. 

Yes but she had that flashback in the weirdly lit elevator.

 

Weird elevator at 27 seconds, floating head about 2:15 in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9cGc8pDJuU&feature=youtu.be

 

ETA: oops, she had the flashback just after the elevator.

Edited May 1, 2015 by windsprints

[Greysaddict]

Yes but she had that flashback in the weirdly lit elevator.

wasn't that from the hospital Derek died in?  when she was going up to see him for the first time.  

[windsprints]

wasn't that from the hospital Derek died in?  when she was going up to see him for the first time.  

Oh you're probably right. The clothing matches. Sorry, I didn't realize. Must just be a flashback with weird lighting.

[jschoolgirl]

I don't see why April could not have felt "useful" as a trauma doctor in a major city, one that in Grey's world has shootings and ferry accidents and bus accidents and bus explosions and car accidents and people in plane crashes. It's not like she''s in the boonies with boring cases.

[brightside]

Am I the only one who thinks Alex's "Hey" when he comes to see Meredith in the hospital sounds exactly like Patrick Dempsey? To the point I thought they may have lifted audio from another ep to be really, really mean in that moment and try to get people thinking it really was a dream.

[Kagomei]

You're not the only one, brightside.

When I first watched I was like "HOLY SHIT WE'LL GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN" and then "well well, that was mean".

[ParadoxLost]

You're not the only one, brightside.

When I first watched I was like "HOLY SHIT WE'LL GET TO SEE HIM AGAIN" and then "well well, that was mean".

 

On the meanness scale, nothing compares to the Derek is fine fantasy before the cops arrive to tell Meredith that Derek is not from last week.

Edited May 1, 2015 by ParadoxLost

[Kagomei]

Totally, ParadoxLost.

That was the worst. I hate it when they do that because I get my hopes up in like one second and then everything was just a lie. HATE IT!

[CleoCaesar]

I don't see why April could not have felt "useful" as a trauma doctor in a major city

 

Probably for the same reasons why people go to Africa/the Middle East/Far East/wherever to volunteer and feel useful/noble when there are millions of needy people right down the street.

[Muffyn]

Well Mere, as we can tell baby Ellis does not look just like Patrick Dempsey.  As the floating head of McDreamy shows us, he has luxuriant hair and a smaller head than old melon head Ellis.  Brings to mind So I Married an Axe Murderer. 

 

Edited May 1, 2015 by Muffyn

[alihart41]

That newborn is gigantic. No wonder Mer had complications.

[windsprints]

Meredith had a C-section didn't she? It looked like it and given her history and age wouldn't they do a C as precautiin?

[LoveMyVike]

Am I crazy or was Ellen Pomeo singing "Chasing Cars" at the end? It didn't sound like the Snow Patrol version and kinda sounded like her voice.

And thanks to everyone for succinctly capturing my feelings about this season and especially the last 2 episodes. Usually I'm a teary mess when GA has these sad tragedies but it wasn't until the last 30 mins that I got a little emo last night. Could've done without the Bailey/Ben, April/Owen and Chief/Catherine story lines. Even Callie's seemed forced and weird. It all was weird!!

[Evie]

I don't know. Meredith taking off for a whole year kind of bugged me. It's not like she has a high powered job or anything but... Oh wait she does! Seriously the hell?!?!

I didn't like that she took off and only left a note and spent months not answering Alex's calls, but I actually like that she took that time on her own, being a mother to her kids. It was a different Meredith than the one we saw all season, burying herself in work and crawling into bed with Alex.

[noname1]

"Meredith had a C-section didn't she? It looked like it and given her history and age wouldn't they do a C as precautiin?"

Yes I'm assuming the surgery she had when they put her under was a c section.

"Am I crazy or was Ellen Pomeo singing "Chasing Cars" at the end? It didn't sound like the Snow Patrol version and kinda sounded like her voice"

It was a cover by : The wind and the wave

[noname1]

"Alex gets a text from Meredith. Did he tell anyone? How did they react?

Alex shows up after the kids are born at New Years. He takes her home at Valentine's day. When did everyone find out about the baby? Did Alex take leave to be her person for 6 weeks while she recovered and needed help with the baby? Did he visit? Did he tell anyone where he was going? Did anyone else visit before Meredith came home?"

I don't recall Alex getting a text from her she only accepted his FaceTime call on thanksgiving.

Between the time Jackson speaks to April and her return several weeks pass so the baby is born after the new year. the date is not puntuated by a holiday but some random point weeks after Christmas and prior to Valentines so it could have even happened in February.

I think Alex brings her back once she's released from the hospital with baby Ellis and she recovers there.once she's home they do a time lapse of the sky continually getting darker and lighter showing the passing of time she's also wearing different clothes in each shot of her on the bed. She then goes back to work after another undetermined amounts of weeks.

[calidub]

I already had my giant rant a few pages back, but I left out one detail that is so stupid but seriously bothering the early childhood teacher in me. WHY ISN'T ZOLA IN SCHOOL?

 

The last time we saw Derek and Meredith together, they were joking about Zola driving in "about 10 years." Now, I fanwanked that to say that maaaybe she was only 4 at the time and they'd have to start really thinking about her driving in 10 years. Because there's no possible way Zola would actually be 6 and not enrolled full-time in elementary school. But an entire year passed in last night's episode and that child is STILL not in school full-time? She should be in pre-kindergarten by now, at LEAST.

 

Maybe next year we'll see Zola's first day of Kindergarten and it'll be all emotional because Derek isn't there for that milestone. Ah, nevermind. Who am I kidding? We'll be lucky if we ever hear his name again after this season. 

[Pallas]

I did notice the floating head last night.  And thought, "Not too proud to rip off the worst of Beauty and the Beast there, eh, Rhimes?"  (Season 3, floating head of dead romantic lead smiles down on grieving lover holding their miracle infant.) 

 

Now I want the floating head to join the cast.  It can ride the ferry.  It can attend board meetings.  It can inspire amputees.  It can tease Amelia, "Who's 'the other Dr. Shepherd' now?"  It can be the new face of Seattle Grace Mercy Death.   

 

And from where Shonda sits, it's the perfect leading man: can't walk away but it can monologue.

[photo fox]

I didn't like that she took off and only left a note and spent months not answering Alex's calls, but I actually like that she took that time on her own, being a mother to her kids. It was a different Meredith than the one we saw all season, burying herself in work and crawling into bed with Alex.

See, I thought what Meredith did was really crappy regarding her kids. They've already lost their dad, and she wakes them up and takes them from the house in the middle of the night, without even saying goodbye to anyone. So in one fell swoop they lost their dad, their aunts (one of whom lives with them), their friends, their parents' friends, their home, and their routine. Not to mention their nanny/magical daycare providers, who we know spend way more time with them than Mer. Poor kids probably wondered why everyone else they loved vanished.

I get that it would be hard for Meredith to stay in the dreamhouse, but kids need stability. If she (understandably) didn't want to stay in the dreamhouse, she could rent another place in Seattle, take her sabbatical there, and not disrupt every aspect of her kids' lives.

[LADreamr]

The most alarming thing about that massive newborn: she was a preemie.

[njmama]

Yeah. What was that? 2 hours of all over the place!

Is Greys technically in the future now? A year ahead of us? This timeline got screwy. New years, what year?

Where did Meredith and the kids disappear to? Somewhere with palm trees is all I know. Since when do you bleed from your stomach and not your lady parts?? And Mere pretty much gives birth to a toddler.

I am sooooo done with the blank Mere stare almost as much as that damn carousel. Let it die with Derek, please!

Next week looks interesting with Amelia and Meredith. Great point to be made that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her brother and Meredith made the sole decision to pull the plug without notifying anyone.

Just wow. So glad I had my box of tissues ready, for them to just sit there. I was prepared for 2 hours of ugly crying and instead got mind screwed.

[noname1]

"

The last time we saw Derek and Meredith together, they were joking about Zola driving in "about 10 years." Now, I fanwanked that to say that maaaybe she was only 4 at the time and they'd have to start really thinking about her driving in 10 years. Because there's no possible way Zola would actually be 6 and not enrolled full-time in elementary school. But an entire year passed in last night's episode and that child is STILL not in school full-time? She should be in pre-kindergarten by now, at LEAST."

You can get a permit a fifteen so let's say she 5 and should be in kindergarten-- we only saw her in like 3 days out of the year she was away---those days could have been weekends-Christmas Eve was at night and is a holiday. Meredith seemed to have gotten them a proper apartment while they were away whose to say she didn't enroll her in school? Or hey since Meredith had free time we can also say homeschooling is also an option.

"The most alarming thing about that massive newborn: she was a preemie." Meredith got pregnant some weeks pre Easter gave birth sometime between January and Valentine's Day baby wasn't a preemie. That doesn't change the fact that the baby actor/actress was massive because she/he definetly was but the baby wasn't a preemie within that timeline .

Edited May 2, 2015 by noname1

[brandyelf]

Given how the patients are always a reflection of what's going on in Grey's soap opera land, I'm calling it: Dan the cop lost his leg and got it replaced with a robotic one, Derrek died and he's going to be replaced by a cyborg.

[cycworker]

"

The last time we saw Derek and Meredith together, they were joking about Zola driving in "about 10 years." Now, I fanwanked that to say that maaaybe she was only 4 at the time and they'd have to start really thinking about her driving in 10 years. Because there's no possible way Zola would actually be 6 and not enrolled full-time in elementary school. But an entire year passed in last night's episode and that child is STILL not in school full-time? She should be in pre-kindergarten by now, at LEAST."

You can get a permit a fifteen so let's say she 5 and should be in kindergarten-- we only saw her in like 3 days out of the year she was away---those days could have been weekends-Christmas Eve was at night and is a holiday. Meredith seemed to have gotten them a proper apartment while they were away whose to say she didn't enroll her in school? Or hey since Meredith had free time we can also say homeschooling is also an option.

"The most alarming thing about that massive newborn: she was a preemie." Meredith got pregnant some weeks pre Easter gave birth sometime between January and Valentine's Day baby wasn't a preemie. That doesn't change the fact that the baby actor/actress was massive but she/he was but the baby wasn't a preemie within that timeline .

If anything I was thinking that baby was overdue. Meredith conceived in late March. Derek died March 26th. They stupidly showed us the date on his phone or dashboard in the car. I don't remember where it was shown, but I saw on Tumblr they showed the date. So the episode was NOT a full year; it was 11 months, and maybe not even 11 full months. 

 

There was no real reason to recast Zola. They didn't recast Sofia so they have now made the age difference between those two children larger than it should be. And there is no real reason to age Sofia at this point, because we see her at Christmas anyway, so she wouldn't change that much between then & Valentines Day. 

[LADreamr]

"The most alarming thing about that massive newborn: she was a preemie." Meredith got pregnant some weeks pre Easter gave birth sometime between January and Valentine's Day baby wasn't a preemie. That doesn't change the fact that the baby actor/actress was massive but she/he was but the baby wasn't a preemie within that timeline

I was just kidding.

[noname1]

"

If anything I was thinking that baby was overdue. Meredith conceived in late March. Derek died March 26th. They stupidly showed us the date on his phone or dashboard in the car. I don't remember where it was shown, but I saw on Tumblr they showed the date. So the episode was NOT a full year; it was 11 months, and maybe not even 11 full months.

There was no real reason to recast Zola. They didn't recast Sofia so they have now made the age difference between those two children larger than it should be. And there is no real reason to age Sofia at this point, because we see her at Christmas anyway, so she wouldn't change that much between then & Valentines Day. "

Agreed on both statements. - because infants grow quickly and they were adding in a new baby I get recasting Bailey but I think they could've kept Zola where was age wise.

Edited May 2, 2015 by noname1

[SGfan]

I just wanted to say that even though I'm done with the show and won't be watching future episodes, I totally agree with a previous poster about the Richard/Catherine propsal. It's like she didn't get the point of what they were telling her about him and how he wanted to do the romantic proposal for her. The proposal from her to him was totally missing the mark. She should have allowed him do it the way he wanted to in order to give him the happiness, but apparently we can't have that.

Not that anyone cares or it even matters, but in digesting this whole mess, I've realized it's not just about killing Derek that's completely turned me off to Grey's. It's that it was the last straw for me. I feel like I've been a fan from day one, and I've stuck around after so many originals were lost and been through storylines that made me want to tune out, but I stayed, and now, I feel like it's just over for me. Even though I'll never be OK with the ending I got, it is the ending for me, watching Meredith put Derek's scrub cap on and performing a surgery. That's the Grey's ending I've been given and I'll never watch the episode again. I'm rewatching previous seasons to find my happy place to cope with my Grey's days being over. I should probably seek therapy since I sound like a total loser, but I'll just forge ahead and appreciate the previous good Grey's for what it was. I think watching last night's episode was the only closure I'll get for the 10+years I watched. I do enjoy reading the reactions here, and a lot of the posts are in line with my thoughts, so I'm sure I'll continue reading from time to time, but watching on Thursdays is over for me.

[Crucial]

I liked at the end Meredith had someone to call.  But nooo you kill off the burn patient, I don't care if it was for the previous burn patient to 'take over'.  That was just WRONG, Never liked Derek's sister so too bad she didn't take the pills (wrong I know but ugh with the actress and this episode.)

[Anela]

I don't see why April could not have felt "useful" as a trauma doctor in a major city, one that in Grey's world has shootings and ferry accidents and bus accidents and bus explosions and car accidents and people in plane crashes. It's not like she''s in the boonies with boring cases.

It reminded me of George; I thought that was what he had planned to do, when he enlisted.

 

Speaking of which: Georgina is also a nice girl's name. Although I thought of it teamed with Grey, not Sheppard, because she's always called Dr. Grey.

[HappilyEverAfter]

The scene with Amelia was intense. I half expected Owen to comfort her by eating her face off like he does everytime he has a kissing scene with any of his lady interests. His kissing scenes always have me rolling in the floor. Thought the show was OK but anticlimatic.

[RedheadZombie]

Am I the only one who thinks Alex's "Hey" when he comes to see Meredith in the hospital sounds exactly like Patrick Dempsey? To the point I thought they may have lifted audio from another ep to be really, really mean in that moment and try to get people thinking it really was a dream.

 

I was wondering why no one else was commenting on this.  Alex's "Hey" sounded like PD because it was PD.  JC's voice is much deeper than PD's and it was a manipulative shitty trick.  It might not have bothered me if they didn't have the fake out last episode, but they did.  That deliberate mislead, along with all the speculation that Derek is alive and Meredith has advanced Alzheimer's, made me suspicious enough that for a split second, I thought it might be Derek.   At the very least, I thought that Meredith was imagining it.  But she didn't look a bit surprised when the man walking in turned out to be Alex.  I do not appreciate it - AT ALL.  And it's the soapiest of soap techniques to play this game.

[pennben]

 

The scene with Amelia was intense. I half expected Owen to comfort her by eating her face off like he does everytime he has a kissing scene with any of his lady interests.

 

Agreed!  I did note, however, that he appears to hug as aggressively as he kisses!

[Lnmop]

The scene with Amelia was intense. I half expected Owen to comfort her by eating her face off like he does everytime he has a kissing scene with any of his lady interests. His kissing scenes always have me rolling in the floor. Thought the show was OK but anticlimatic.

Along with this, every one touches faces and hold heads when they kiss.. Who does that in real life?

[questionfear]

Yeah. What was that? 2 hours of all over the place!

Is Greys technically in the future now? A year ahead of us? This timeline got screwy. New years, what year?

Where did Meredith and the kids disappear to? Somewhere with palm trees is all I know. Since when do you bleed from your stomach and not your lady parts?? And Mere pretty much gives birth to a toddler.

I am sooooo done with the blank Mere stare almost as much as that damn carousel. Let it die with Derek, please!

Next week looks interesting with Amelia and Meredith. Great point to be made that she didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her brother and Meredith made the sole decision to pull the plug without notifying anyone.

Just wow. So glad I had my box of tissues ready, for them to just sit there. I was prepared for 2 hours of ugly crying and instead got mind screwed.

Not that anything is realistic on this show, but you can rupture your uterus and/or your c-section scar while pregnant. It's generally pretty dangerous but that would also explain her going under for a c-section.

[Kagomei]

I know that somebody already pointed this out, but I wanna talk about it again. Why was Meredith wearing stripes all the freaking time???? Is there a meaning behind this? I noticed that even her pillows were striped. Is it only a coincidence? Sorry if this is dumb, but it's really bugging me lol