S03.E13: Chay's Story

[kleebee]

Wow. Just started watching this episode-- I sincerely thought Chay was female, and I was very surprised that TLC was showing unblurred breasts during the shower scene. Back to watching...

[KarmaG]

I'm just getting to watch this so haven't read but the first few comments. I like him so far. I like that even in his voice overs he has life. He isn't flat and monotone like everyone else we've watched/listened to. I will admit to thinking he was a she at first and then being confused. Even while he's walking down the aisles at the store, with the headband on, I keep forgetting he's a he! 

 

Ok, can't wait to get into the episode so here I go. Will be back hopefully to comment once I am done.

 

ETA: I will say he is the exception to my annoyance of people on the show blaming a past life event on their current situation. He didn't face a one time (or even short span) event, his was basically his entire childhood.

Edited April 3, 2015 by KarmaG

[Toaster Strudel]

I was touched by the love his family had for him.  They really cared.  He must be a wonderful person.

[wrestlesflamingos]

I've always thought that patients should have to eat the post surgery diet for a period of time before surgery. It seems like the perfect way to target therapy if you establish a baseline without surgical healing.

[KarmaG]

No - at one point it said he moved in with his aunt and uncle so that they could help him - that's where he had the convo with his mom. 

 

That wasn't until month 11. I think he's going to stay on track and meet his goals of getting a job and his own place.

[Bellalisa]

Dr. Now's process for getting approved for surgery needs to be more structured.  Candidates need to be given a manual that includes SPECIFICS as to what patients HAVE to eat for 2 months (minimum) prior to the surgery.  By learning structure, it seems they'd be more successful with the changes in their lifetime eating habits after the surgery.  The manual needs to include increasing amounts of exercise as well.

 

It would be a real eye-opener for some of these people to know that for breakfast, they are allowed 2 eggs (fried or scrambled in 1 tablespoon of butter), and a half of a grapefruit, with coffee or tea.  Period.  Too many of these folks seem to have cut their intake to 2 DOZEN eggs for breakfast.  With fried bacon.

 

Once they see that they can lose 40 pounds a month at the beginning by following strict rules, it seems they would be encouraged to stick with it.

 

Would it be easy?  No.  Is it necessary?  It sure seems to be.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely.

I am sure they get way more instructions than we see. On the show with the woman who became a liason for the patients she was running a group for people before their surgery going over the diet. Then we saw her at someone's house going through their pantry. They are taught how and what they will need to eat, plus given a copy of the diet. Just because Penny said "they never told me what I was supposed to eat" don't believe it.

 

I did not see the purse and I re-watched it this morning because I feel asleep on it last night.

 

The purse was in his shopping cart when he was grocery shopping.

[Taylorh2]

 also thought he was a female. I'm sure a lot of people refer to him as "Miss"

[Toaster Strudel]

I think it's pretty cool how the world is coming to terms with fluid gender identity, and I found the show was very respectful of that.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I think it's pretty cool how the world is coming to terms with fluid gender identity, and I found the show was very respectful of that.

 

Agree and I don't think it was even mentioned on the show at all come to think of it by Chay or anyone.  Was Chay his real name?  I thought his mother called him something else when they had their sit down.     

[feetcuzzyfeefee]

He was shown carrying the purse into the store from the car, and also shown carrying a purse into Dr. Now's office.  I can see where some young men like long hair, but with the headband, it looked like a feminine hair-do.  When he had his hair pulled back into a pony tail, he did look more masculine.

[gunderda]

The one trip to Houston after his grandma died it showed him picking up a larger bag that appeared like it had a floral print or some other feminine design on it. 

But perhaps it was just something of his grandma's.   Either way he's free to be who he wants to be!

 

I do think the feminine qualities of what he did were a bit of a distraction to what the story is really about. Because now everyone is wondering about that. 

[Mocking Bird]

I figured if Chay wanted to carry a purse and present more as a woman, that was his business and good for him for having the courage to do so.  What I couldn't get past was the miles and miles of the ugliest paneling I've ever seen in my life, in every single place they went.

[aliya]

Wow. Just started watching this episode-- I sincerely thought Chay was female, and I was very surprised that TLC was showing unblurred breasts during the shower scene. Back to watching...

That was the only reason I figured he was a guy - i knew TLC hadn't gone that far over the edge!

[Muffyn]

Agree and I don't think it was even mentioned on the show at all come to think of it by Chay or anyone.  Was Chay his real name?  I thought his mother called him something else when they had their sit down.     

I think his mother did call him by a different name which threw me for a bit.  I liked that he was just presented how he was without any big focus on gender issues.  It's not the focus of the show.  He seemed to decide not to change his manner of dress, etc, for the show which I appreciated.  I am all for gender fluidity being accepted as the norm rather than the enforcement of rigid gender roles.  At the same time, I think he also chose to not make it a point (or TLC chose not to) which is a plus.  While Chay definitely has serious things to work on regards to his eating, I am glad they did not try to make it all about his gender expression.  He seems like a nice enough person in a strange situation in which he was taught some really bad eating habits. 

[Morgalisa]

 

The signs of lipodema are distinctly different from lymphedema.  First, swelling does not extend to the feet, but extends from the abdomen to the ankle.

 

Maybe some of the non-shoe-wearers have lipodema rather the lymphedema.  Or maybe they just don't like shoes.  As super obesity goes, Chay seemed to have few body issues.  No fatty tumors or apron or flabby upper arms.  Being young (and male) helps a lot, so I think he will have a good result.

 

I also wanted to make a clarification between gender identity and gay.  I thought I was understanding some posters to believe that Chay and his mom may have gender identity issues.  If I misunderstood, just disregard.  But,  I didn't see anything to lead me to believe that either of them thought they needed gender reassignment.  His mother seemed a very masculine/butch lesbian woman and Chay seemed like a gay man who likes to dress feminine.  Have you seen Magic Johnson's son MJ?  He's gay; he's dresses feminine (not dresses), carries a purse and is not trans.  Also google the Fashion Queens on Bravo.   Those boys love womens clothes and shoes and makeup.  Good for Chay for feeling that he could express himself.  Seems like a nice young man.

[IvySpice]

 

I think Chay tried to eat away the issue of his own gender identity much like his mother tried to drink and drug away her own sexual identity.

See, this is why I wish they'd addressed this a little bit. I'm all about embracing fluidity and everyone's personal expression. Absolutely great for Chay that he's presenting exactly the way he sees fit. But it's hard to believe that being a gender-nonconforming person in working-class rural Louisiana isn't playing some role in Chay's struggles with his weight. He doesn't live in a society where everyone just lives their own truth and it's a non-issue -- I don't know if that exists in Amsterdam or anywhere. So filming Chay's life and family without ever acknowledging that issue felt a bit like they were sweeping it under the rug.

 

The Intervention episode with the overeater DID address the fact that the son's sexuality was a big factor in his conflict with his family and his addiction, and that coming out has a lot to do with recovery.

[charmed1]

This is the second episode where my DVR cut off mid way. Did anyone notice the fat assed tabby splayed out on the floor needing its own episode of My 50 Pound Life? Clearly Chay wasn't the only mammal in that house with unhealthy eating habits.

I'm not judging because I'm the mom of a former cat fatty. Once I changed her diet and moved from an apartment to a house, and gave her a much needed dose of fat shaming, she lost the weight. She was very Penny-esque in those years and I was the Edgar.

[CousinOliver]

In addition to the headband, long hair, "purse", and overall feminine look, Chay also wore a brown ruffled cape/shawl into one of his doctors appointments.  I've known straight, cisgendered men who wore headbands to keep their long hair out of their faces and those that carried a bag of some sort, but not so much the ruffled clothing.  Since everyone said "he", I assume that is Chay's preferred pronoun and primarily how he identifies; however, I also wonder if living in the rural south had something to do with maintaining male identity (and as an extension, affected his weight gain.  He may have even wanted to be large to be softer and more feminine.)

 

So, I am utterly torn about the fact that it was not addressed.  On the one hand, it may have been an important part of how he got to be almost 600 lbs, and should be addressed.  On the other hand, there is something important about not presuming the gender binary of Male/Female is right and anyone not fully identifying (either internally or externally) with one gender or another is something that automatically needs to be addressed because it presumptively causes problems.  Arrrgh.  

 

That said, it may have been addressed and we didn't see it.  I am of the opinion that there is a LOT that we don't see.  In the first season, when people were followed for 7 years, we did see nutritional counseling.  I remember Ashley going to see someone before surgery, and Melissa (after she was a pt liaison) reminding her to eat protein first  (because we all like to think of salad as the ultimate diet food, but it a bad choice for someone with a mini stomach), and several other glimpses into that world.  But, IMHO, that would be even more boring than watching the people shower.  It'd the same post-op diet over and over again.  Who cares?  I could do without the shower scenes, but at least there IS some legitimate variety in how people are caring for themselves (or are cared for). 

[gunderda]

I also just remembered the ruffle shaw - who was later worn by his cousin(?) while they were in the waiting room.

It was just a quick flash of him wearing it into the room to get weighed that I wasn't sure if I had actually seen it or not. 

 

Again I wonder if maybe it was something of his grandma's?  And I only ask that because of the scene we were shown of him going through her clothing. 

Edited April 6, 2015 by gunderda

[Momof2boyz]

I was re-watching the repeat of this episode before the new episode came on last night and my son came in the room during the scene where Chay goes for the followup appointment.  He is wearing a pink shirt and a headband.  In any event, my son says "Is this before or after she gets the surgery."  LOL.  When I told him he was a she he couldn't believe it - he said "WHAT?  Well then he obviously wants to be a woman."  There you go.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I am pretty sure I heard Dr Now refer to Chay as "she" after meeting him for the first time.....hmmm...Chay definitely wanted to be feminine with the long curled hair, headband, purse and the boobs from weight gain were likely a hidden perk.  

 

And was the cousin trying to kill Chay with his lack of knowledge about what a 600lb body was capable of?!  It was almost laughable and thank God Chay knew his limitations.  Lunges? And timing a walk which he wanted to make a jog?  And it was hilarious him jumping from one foot to the other constantly telling him get those knees lifted after Chay told him his knees hurt (no kidding carrying that weight).  The guy was an idiot and reminded me of a cartoon character from the Bugs Bunny Road Runner hour of a little thing jumping around the chicken or someone and incessantly chattering.  I wanted to swat his ass!

[Armchair Critic]

Finally got a chance to see some of this, what was he saying that only fat people would understand the tired sweats? I taped it so will have to try to rewatch. He was one of the more likable people to be on this show and I hope he does well.

[aliya]

  Didn't we see her actually doing some home visits for the patients?

Yep. I was kind of hoping they would do a story on the large black woman Melissa visited. I hope she was successful. She had so much to lose and I just know these folks go to Dr Now as a last hope and with dreams of everything being different.

[Muffyn]

This is going to sound really awful and cynical, but did anyone else get the impression that Chay had seen a few episodes and knew just what to do and to say to avoid the criticism of past participants?

Very much so.  Chay spoon fed us some of the more common platitudes.  He typically seemed very pleasant, accepting and like he would try hard.  His anger showed when he was pushed by his cousin/trainer.  I think he gave a very reasoned portrayal of himself to meet the requirements of the show.  

[Darknight]

I cant believe his mother said shit to him like you're only here because the condom broke.

Then he thought eating a little here and there is going to make him lose weight. It's true that eating ice cream won't let you gain 100 pounds but it looks like a little means the whole gallon

[cheatincheetos]

Then he thought eating a little here and there is going to make him lose weight. It's true that eating ice cream won't let you gain 100 pounds but it looks like a little means the whole gallon

I have never lost weight consistently unless I counted every little nibble in a calorie diary. I can't even imagine what it's like to have to lose 100, 200, 500 lbs. I think they are too used to the large volumes that they ate before or rely on the surgery too much to avoid going over their daily limit.

Edited April 14, 2015 by cheatincheetos

[Grasonville]

 

Please don't think this judgemental, but I wonder if there are gender identity issues with him and his mom which contributed to their addictions and inability to deal with their emotions in a healthy way.

This is the first thing I thought - especially as said above that at 23 - not once did Chay mention a wish for a partner of any flavor.  Between his voice and hair choices I had to keep reminding myself that "he" was a "he".

I wish him well and hope he finds peace with himself.

[monagatuna]

And was the cousin trying to kill Chay with his lack of knowledge about what a 600lb body was capable of?!  It was almost laughable and thank God Chay knew his limitations.  Lunges? And timing a walk which he wanted to make a jog?  And it was hilarious him jumping from one foot to the other constantly telling him get those knees lifted after Chay told him his knees hurt (no kidding carrying that weight).  The guy was an idiot and reminded me of a cartoon character from the Bugs Bunny Road Runner hour of a little thing jumping around the chicken or someone and incessantly chattering.  I wanted to swat his ass!

I hope this doesn't come off wrong, but this is probably just from ignorance. When you're very fit, you don't tend to know the limitations of people who are less fit than you--because it takes years to get there, you're so used to being healthy that you can't imagine what it's like to not be active. The cousin had the best of intentions and just wasn't aware of Chay's limitations. I'd be willing to put money on that. While I'm really active, I'm not a perfect athlete, but I get a lot of people asking me to help them, and it's really hard to scale back to another person's fitness level. They usually don't come back for more. :( Guess it's a good thing I didn't follow my dream of being a personal trainer!

 

Again, I'm really sorry if that comes off as snooty or elitist; I just wanted to assure you that the cousin's heart was in the right place.

 

Edit: and I know, it's dumb to "not understand the limitations" of a 600 pound person. I'm just saying that abled people tend to take walking and running for granted, and not realize how hard it is for another person. That doesn't make it right--but it's just not always easy to put yourself in someone else's place, especially when they have such extreme health issues.

Edited April 20, 2015 by monagatuna

[Foghorn Leghorn]

I hope this doesn't come off wrong, but this is probably just from ignorance. When you're very fit, you don't tend to know the limitations of people who are less fit than you--because it takes years to get there, you're so used to being healthy that you can't imagine what it's like to not be active. The cousin had the best of intentions and just wasn't aware of Chay's limitations. I'd be willing to put money on that. While I'm really active, I'm not a perfect athlete, but I get a lot of people asking me to help them, and it's really hard to scale back to another person's fitness level. They usually don't come back for more. :( Guess it's a good thing I didn't follow my dream of being a personal trainer!

 

Again, I'm really sorry if that comes off as snooty or elitist; I just wanted to assure you that the cousin's heart was in the right place.

 

Edit: and I know, it's dumb to "not understand the limitations" of a 600 pound person. I'm just saying that abled people tend to take walking and running for granted, and not realize how hard it is for another person. That doesn't make it right--but it's just not always easy to put yourself in someone else's place, especially when they have such extreme health issues.

 

I am sure his heart was in the right place and his lack of knowledge about training was evident.  He could have googled how to train an unconditioned overweight person with knee problems and been better off especially since he knew they would be followed by a camera crew!  I am a personal trainer. 

[HalcyonDays]

I am a personal trainer.

 

Then can you tell me what cardio-like exercises I can do that won't destroy my knees (even more)?? I also have plantar fascitis. Way back when, I used to jog and play squash, but used improper technique, on asphalt, with old not so good running shoes, coupled with my lousy genetics, that both my knees are shot. If I climb up and down steps, I hear them grinding and they hurt. My heels kills me because I don't have proper shoes or inserts.

 

Now recommend exercises I can do that will burn calories (like some cardio like) without equipment. I cannot afford a gym, nor do I have room or money for home gym equipment or physiotherapy or fancy $200 all supportive running shoes with gel inserts and biomechanical whatevers....

 

This is the rub with everything and it does apply to my situation and much more to these people on the show. You are overweight, right?, so you need to cut back on food but ALSO work out to boost metabolism and lose weight. You're body problems would be less if you lost weight. In my case, I could lose some pounds, but because of my shot knees, I can barely do cardio because it frigging hurts. They can barely move. We cannot afford gyms or gym equipment. We can't afford personal trainers or dieticians to help us with eating (okay, I get the junk food part but overall).

 

So then what am I (and these people) supposed to do?

 

They have over the news that $29/week challenge for families controversy with that stupid Gwyneth Paltrow. So if they are limited to $29/week (I think they said a family of four) what on earth can they buy that's fresh fruit, veg, lean proteins, etc. All they can buy is prepackaged ramen, potatoes, bread, eggs and I have no idea what else. So what options are there?

 

So again, the question remains - what are we/them supposed to do. I am sure some people will read this as an excuse, and maybe it is. The advice eat better, go to a gym, work is nice, but what if they can't because of reasons.

 

/seriously, Foghorn Leghorn, I would love some free advice if I could get it *smile*

[Micks Picks]

IMO lots of stretching exercises is much better for you than cardio. It keeps the muscles and cells active until a time when you can do cardio, and by that I mean walking only or really fun stuff you enjoy. You don't want to blow your knees worse than they are. Drugstores, Target, sell gel inserts for shoes that are helpful.

[jcbrown]

I've had surgery on both knees and my cartilage is shot (bad genetics in my case, not weight) and my doctor recommended rowing, cycling, and swimming as good options. Basically, you want to strengthen your quads to help support your knees better. I bought an inexpensive rowing machine and it has turned me into a 6 day a week exerciser. My $0.02.

[scowl]

I've had bad knees my whole life. Until I started running. Conventional wisdom says that running will always ruin your knees. My doctor took x-rays of them and recommended that I get a car and stop walking everywhere. Once I started running, check up after check up showed that my knees were getting stronger. X-rays showed new cartilage had grown in every area where my knees should have failed. Five years and five x-rays later, my knees have never been healthier.

 

I'm sure I'm an exception but I'm glad I challenged my doctor's prediction. They don't always know what will happen even when they act like they do. 

[monagatuna]

I've had bad knees my whole life. Until I started running. Conventional wisdom says that running will always ruin your knees. My doctor took x-rays of them and recommended that I get a car and stop walking everywhere. Once I started running, check up after check up showed that my knees were getting stronger. X-rays showed new cartilage had grown in every area where my knees should have failed. Five years and five x-rays later, my knees have never been healthier.

 

I'm sure I'm an exception but I'm glad I challenged my doctor's prediction. They don't always know what will happen even when they act like they do. 

"Runners have bad knees" is one of the greatest fitness myths ever perpetuated, and somehow it persists to this day. All other things being equal, a runner will generally have better knees than a non-runner, for exactly the reasons you listed--running builds up small muscles around the knee that help support it, allowing the cartilage to be protected (and in your case, regenerate). There are always exceptions, of course, but generally, things like genetics and obesity lead to more harm of knee cartilage and overall health than running. I've been a distance runner for 25 years, and I still have to fend off armchair physicians who insist I'm destroying my legs. I'm glad you were intuitive enough to question your doctor (even though we should generally listen to them, a healthy level of skepticism and willingness to get a second opinion are typically good things) and I'm glad your knees are healthier now.

 

Sorry for going off-topic, but back to Chay: Foghorn Leghorn, you're right that he shouldn't be "training" Chay without knowing more about how to train bariatric patients. (That's why you're a pro and I'm not!) It just seemed pretty clear to me that he meant well, and hopefully off the tape we saw him relax and actually listen to Chay when Chay told him he wasn't quite ready to hit that pace.

 

I can't wait to see Chay's "where are they now" special. Poor guy has had the deck stacked against him for awhile, but he's articulate and smart, and I hope he has all the success in the world.

[Micks Picks]

I happened across this for about 20 min at the end tonight.  Maybe he was just asexual at this time of his life.  Yes, I would have been in question as to his sex if I met him briefly, but I don't think it was part of anything he was identifying with.  I liked Chay.  Hope his life goes well.

[alegtostandon]

I saw this episode last night for the first time. I, too, thought Chay was a female. I noticed a couple of times he was wearing a woman's blouse, plus also noticed the handbag.

He seemed to be a people pleaser to me. None of this was being done for him, but for someone else.

A couple of things I noticed, when the grandma died, he showed no emotion, except for wanting to eat, not even when he stood up to speak at her funeral. Seems like he holds in his emotions. There were several others crying. Also, when talking about the things he had hoped Grandma could see him achieve, in addition to the weight loss, getting his college diploma.

I think, if I heard correctly, Chays mom called him "Chaylene".

Edited June 13, 2015 by alegtostandon

[AnJen]

 

He seemed to be a people pleaser to me. None of this was being done for him, but for someone else.

 

^ This. Overall, I liked his story, but it annoyed me that he noticeably tried to mask his emotions or problems by putting on the happy face. It seemed obvious in scenes when he met with Dr. Now, and instead of asking questions he had or admitting he was having problems, he'd just paste on the smile and the happy "Mmhmm!" to everything Dr. Now said. 

 

The real Chay seemed to come out in scenes where he was frustrated and had trouble masking that emotion for the camera; when he was upset that he hadn't lost weight and mentioned that he had no idea that wheat bread was just as bad as white bread, it seemed more real and less putting on a happy face for those around him.

[algebra]

I just watched most of this last night. Then I fell asleep ( long day) anyway, I was watching his grandmother saying her chest felt tight and I thought "omg she's having a heart attack on camera."

I wondered what happened next, did anybody call 911 or did the camera crew just pack up their gear and call it a day?

[stillhere1900]

I didn't see the beginning and I was about 15 min into this show before I realized that Chay was male.

[Texasmom1970]

Count me in as those who were first confused what gender. I even hit the info on my DVR to see the episode description. That being said a little immaturity I expect , he was only 23 and dealing with a lot.

For all that he was dealing with in his personal life I am so glad he started making progress and hope it continues. He truly seemed like a kind, likeable person.

[OSM Mom]

I didn't see the beginning and I was about 15 min into this show before I realized that Chay was male.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who was confused as to his gender for a while.

[CousinOliver]

From the intro to this season's "where are they now" it looks like Chay has transitioned/is transitioning or maybe now identifies as "gender fluid."

I'm looking forward to the update (I'm assuming it wasn't just a one-off, following Melissa and Ashley from season one.)

[Ocean Chick]

I, too, recognized Chay in that little snippet - living his "truth".  So I'm assuming that s/he's transitioning or is non-gender specific.  That should be interesting, as I wondered if being non-traditional in the South would be one reason for his large weight gain.

[editorgrrl]

In a 90-minute episode of My 600-Lb. Life: Transformed, Chay came out as a trans woman, and asked to be called "Lola." Her mom instead agreed to keep calling her "Tater." (I assume the childhood nickname comes from Lola's love of potatoes.) 

Lola came out to her mom, her mom's girlfriend, and two female friends—all of whom supported her. Even Dr. Nowzaradan used the correct pronouns. But Lola's aunt made transphobic posts on Facebook: http://people.com/bodies/480-lb-transgender-woman-loses-the-support-of-her-family-after-coming-out/

The episode ended with Lola singing live at a drag club.

Here's a clip of Lola shopping: http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/my-600-lb-life/videos/lola/

[bounnatalie]

I really enjoyed Chay's story/ transitioning to become Lola. I was very inspired by her happiness being her true self. My favorite moment (or one of them) was when Dr. Nowzaradan said, upon entering the exam room, You look pretty. It was such a lovely moment!

[SouthernCross]

Chay seemed nice enough but seemed woefully uniformed as to the lengths one has to go through the physical transformation.