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Michelle and JimBob aka J'Chelle and Boob

OSM Mom

By OSM Mom
in Counting On

cm-soupsipper
Message added by cm-soupsipper,

Closure Notice: This Thread is now closed due to the name (and much of the posting within it). Please be mindful going forward by naming topics in a way that invites a healthy community conversation. If you name something for a cheap laugh, this thread may be closed later because it encourages discrimination and harm. 

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Zella

Zella

I noticed the obituary has been edited. Before it said husband, but now it only says spouse. If you try to access the full obituary on the funeral home website rather than Legacy, it's down for maintenance. That's literally happened within the past hour because I could access it earlier tonight. 

I can't even imagine what an asshole Ben will be during that service. Fayetteville and nearby Eureka Springs both have very active gay communities, including LGBT-friendly churches. If Tom and his husband actually had wanted a pastor to conduct the services, that could have easily been arranged without bringing in one of the family bigots.

I had a Navy vet relative buried at that same military cemetery a few years ago, and the Navy guys they brought in for the burial were really professional. They certainly don't even need a religious officiant to have a dignified graveside service there. 

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doodlebug
doodlebug

I'm from a fairly big city and raised mostly in town though also the suburbs.  I've had the same experience.  I attend a Catholic church and am active in several volunteer things there including medic

Aja
Aja

Once again, Michelle, I'm going to have to bum you out with a big old steaming pile of fact: I was born a girl, I'm glad to be a girl, I'm very feminine looking, I love being feminine looking...AND I'

doodlebug
doodlebug

Happens all the time.  Had someone tell us they couldn't pay the bill for prenatal care because they were building a new house and couldn't spare the money.  Another had just bought a new car.  BTW, i

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Tuxcat

Tuxcat

2 hours ago, Zella said:

noticed the obituary has been edited. Before it said husband, but now it only says spouse.

Is it possible the obit was in fact wrong the first time? Do we know this husband's name? I actually find it fascinating that we did not know about Mary's gay brother all this time. Maybe the obit was actually wrong?

27 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Deanna is just as much of a homophobe as JB. Possibly even worse. IMO, not much of this story makes sense at all.

Agree.

 

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Zella

Zella

(edited)
17 minutes ago, Tuxcat said:

Is it possible the obit was in fact wrong the first time? Do we know this husband's name? I actually find it fascinating that we did not know about Mary's gay brother all this time. Maybe the obit was actually wrong?

The first name was Lawrence and someone in the memories/comments mentions Tom's husband. So, I don't think the initial reference to a husband was an error. 

If it had been an error, I suspect it would have been pointedly edited to say wife rather than spouse. 

Edited by Zella
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Zella

Zella

25 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I just reread the thread... 

So this man had a two day long heart attack? And since when do folks get forced into assisted living by hospitals? And if he died in a hospital why would cops do a death notification?

I'm really confused about the notification to a nephew if he's married as well. When my relative who's buried in that cemetery died, there was some mass confusion about whom to notify since his wife was unconscious from the same wreck that killed him. They kept trying to contact my grandparents (his parents) and the wife's nephew but couldn't get ahold of anyone for a while. When my grandparents finally were notified, it was on us to then notify everyone else. My impression was if his wife had been able to receive the notification, that's who would have been told and the rest of the family would have found out through her.

So, I don't understand why there would need to be a notification visit to tell Jim Bob about his uncle if his uncle's husband had the wherewithal to drive him and talk to him about going to the hospital. 

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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

72 and 74 are relatively young, I think it would be odd for both of these men to have dementia - if one was afraid of being sent to a nursing home and the other is incapable of handle funeral arrangements. Like I said above, none of this makes sense. My mom had Alzheimer's in her 70s, but most folks I know in their 70s are both physically and mentally healthy.

Also, are we sure this cop "follow-up" is related to the uncle's death?

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AstridM

AstridM

6 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

The uncle was 75, and his husband is 72. The husband tried to get Tom to go to the hospital the previous evening, but he refused. He was afraid that he'd be turned over to assisted living. As near as I can ascertain, he was early stage Alzheimer's, but died of cardiac arrest. It seems as if the husband was in decent enough health if he could drive Tom to the hospital.

And not all people in their 70s are unable to manage making plans and taking care of business. My mom will be 88 next week and is generally more productive and capable than I am, lol. 

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

8 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

The uncle was 75, and his husband is 72. The husband tried to get Tom to go to the hospital the previous evening, but he refused. He was afraid that he'd be turned over to assisted living. As near as I can ascertain, he was early stage Alzheimer's, but died of cardiac arrest. It seems as if the husband was in decent enough health if he could drive Tom to the hospital.

Thanks for clearing that up. 

3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

72 and 74 are relatively young, I think it would be odd for both of these men to have dementia - if one was afraid of being sent to a nursing home and the other is incapable of handle funeral arrangements. Like I said above, none of this makes sense. My mom had Alzheimer's in her 70s, but most folks I know in their 70s are both physically and mentally healthy.

Also, are we sure this cop "follow-up" is related to the uncle's death?

Yeah I was thinking they were closer to late 80s. We may never know the full story though. 

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mythoughtis

mythoughtis

(edited)

A lot of obits use spouse rather than husband or wife. I think it’s obvious from the names that the surviving spouse was a husband.  
In response to his alleged fear, hospitals stays are indeed often the way that relatives finally get their loved ones with dementia into assisted living because the hospital can  say that they can no longer live at home.  Especially if the relative tells the hospital that they can’t safely take care of them at home.  

I don’t think Ben can mess up a graveside service too badly.  His part will be short. 
The only ways the police visit makes sense to me in conjunction with this death is if 1) the police wanted JB to check on the uncle’s   husband or 2)the husband was at JB’s for some  reason and the police came to see him. 

Edited by mythoughtis
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Dehumidifier

Dehumidifier

Man wakes up. Finds husband dead in bed beside him (likely scenario, since it was early in the day.) Calls 911, Is visibly upset especially if it's true that he was urging an ER visit the night before Police, EMTs ask "is there anyone who can help you make arrangements?  He says " I have an uncle nearby." They go and inform JB. I don't see what the big mystery is.

I had a boss who woke up and found her husband dead. I'm sure she got her sisters to come over and help her, not jump immediately on the phone and start calling funeral parlors.

 

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lascuba

lascuba

No way in hell Ben doesn't slip homophobia into the service.

 

28 minutes ago, Dehumidifier said:

Man wakes up. Finds husband dead in bed beside him (likely scenario, since it was early in the day.) Calls 911, Is visibly upset especially if it's true that he was urging an ER visit the night before Police, EMTs ask "is there anyone who can help you make arrangements?  He says " I have an uncle nearby." They go and inform JB. I don't see what the big mystery is.

 

This seems the most plausible explanation. At first glance, it's weird that JB would be the relative of choice in such a situation, but family dynamics can be really strange and contradictory. And as, presumably, the most well-off member of the extended family, it would make sense to reach out to JB for help if their relationship had been any level of polite.

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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

58 minutes ago, Dehumidifier said:

Man wakes up. Finds husband dead in bed beside him (likely scenario, since it was early in the day.) Calls 911, Is visibly upset especially if it's true that he was urging an ER visit the night before Police, EMTs ask "is there anyone who can help you make arrangements?  He says " I have an uncle nearby." They go and inform JB. I don't see what the big mystery is.

I had a boss who woke up and found her husband dead. I'm sure she got her sisters to come over and help her, not jump immediately on the phone and start calling funeral parlors.

 

One mystery is Deanna said her uncle was driven to the hospital by his husband, yet the obituary says he died at home.

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Zella

Zella

(edited)
49 minutes ago, lascuba said:

Didn't Balls and Amy have a huge fallout a while ago? Or am I misremembering?

 

The one I remember also involved another vlogger with a ridiculous name. Amy and Balls were making fun of her together and then when the other woman trashed them for it, Amy insisted she had no clue who she was or what the jokes were about. (I despise Amy, but I think she actually was telling the truth on that.) Things escalated dramatically from there. LOLOL

Edited by Zella
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merylinkid

merylinkid

3 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

Man wakes up. Finds husband dead in bed beside him (likely scenario, since it was early in the day.) Calls 911, Is visibly upset especially if it's true that he was urging an ER visit the night before Police, EMTs ask "is there anyone who can help you make arrangements?  He says " I have an uncle nearby." They go and inform JB. I don't see what the big mystery is.

I had a boss who woke up and found her husband dead. I'm sure she got her sisters to come over and help her, not jump immediately on the phone and start calling funeral parlors.

 

that makes sense.   Otherwise it seems weird the cops would go in person to make a death notification of a death by natural causes.   They got better things to do.   

Then JB just took over as he does.   Probably didn't even check to see if the deceased WANTED a religious ceremony.   Just did what he wanted.

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Absolom

Absolom

7 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

So this man had a two day long heart attack? And since when do folks get forced into assisted living by hospitals? And if he died in a hospital why would cops do a death notification?

I don't know if this is state by state, but hospitals are not supposed to release a patient into an unsafe living situation.  I had to argue for twenty minutes with a social worker who wanted my mom to go to a SNF rather than her assisted living.  Luckily the PT who came by agreed with me.  

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Zella

Zella

9 minutes ago, merylinkid said:

that makes sense.   Otherwise it seems weird the cops would go in person to make a death notification of a death by natural causes.   They got better things to do.   

Then JB just took over as he does.   Probably didn't even check to see if the deceased WANTED a religious ceremony.   Just did what he wanted.

What I don't get though is Tom apparently had been estranged from the family for years. I find it really doubtful his husband's request for assistance is for the relative who is famously incredibly homophobic and apparently hadn't spoken to him in decades. 

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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

8 minutes ago, Absolom said:

I don't know if this is state by state, but hospitals are not supposed to release a patient into an unsafe living situation.  I had to argue for twenty minutes with a social worker who wanted my mom to go to a SNF rather than her assisted living.  Luckily the PT who came by agreed with me.  

Its the same here, but the 'safe' bar is really low. A fair amount of my nurses are fighting to get clients into SNFs, not keep them out. Has it been determined the husband was incapable of caring for Tommy?

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Trillium

Trillium

(edited)

I wouldn’t be surprised if JB and Ben use this as an opportunity to let everyone know dear Uncle Tom sadly “chose a sinful lifestyle” and isn’t in heaven, but it’s still not to late for the rest of you sinners.
 

I’ve unfortunately been to funerals where the funeral was used to evangelize, complete with an alter call with “Just as I am” on an infinite loop. 

Edited by Trillium
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Zella

Zella

4 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

I don’t think Ben can mess up a graveside service too badly.  His part will be short. 

I've attended at least one funeral service that was incredibly inconsiderate to the deceased. He apparently didn't attend church enough for the asshole who was hired to do the funeral sermon, and the guy spent the entire time insinuating that he hoped so-and-so had made it to heaven but couldnt be sure. Ben can really royally fuck up a graveside service with just one nasty speculative comment or judgmental comment. 

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sagittarius sue

sagittarius sue

(edited)
55 minutes ago, merylinkid said:

that makes sense.   Otherwise it seems weird the cops would go in person to make a death notification of a death by natural causes.   They got better things to do.   

Then JB just took over as he does.   Probably didn't even check to see if the deceased WANTED a religious ceremony.   Just did what he wanted.

If a person dies at home, and the residents at the scene are determined not to be able to make relative notification, police will make a notification.  My career was in emergency communications, and as a larger city we would utilize volunteer police chaplains for this duty.  The most common situation would be a request from outside the state from NLETS-National Law Enforcement Telecommuications System..

Edited by sagittarius sue
I thought i"d explain that it had to be a written request, not just a phone call.
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Zella

Zella

(edited)
17 minutes ago, Trillium said:

I wouldn’t be surprised if JB and Ben use this as an opportunity to let everyone know dear Uncle Tom sadly “chose a sinful lifestyle” and isn’t in heaven, but it’s still not to late for the rest of you sinners.
 

I’ve unfortunately been to funerals where the funeral was used to evangelize, complete with an alter call with “Just as I am” on an infinite loop. 

We cross-posted but yes. This. All this is exactly what I was referring to. I've just encountered it the once, and it was so appalling. It completely ruined an otherwise lovely service for a coworker's husband whom I'd never met. The rest of the service was about what a talented and inventive mechanic he was with all sorts of cool and quirky hobbies and how generous and kind he was to his family. It made you regret not having met him. Then this asshole stomps all over it by insinuating that he was a sinner who wasn't right with Jesus because he didn't attend church. 

I don't believe for a minute that Ben is above doing something exactly like that. 

Edited by Zella
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Trillium

Trillium

(edited)
36 minutes ago, Zella said:

We cross-posted but yes. This. All this is exactly what I was referring to. I've just encountered it the once, and it was so appalling. It completely ruined an otherwise lovely service for a coworker's husband whom I'd never met. The rest of the service was about what a talented and inventive mechanic he was with all sorts of cool and quirky hobbies and how generous and kind he was to his family. It made you regret not having met him. Then this asshole stomps all over it by insinuating that he was a sinner who wasn't right with Jesus because he didn't attend church. 

I don't believe for a minute that Ben is above doing something exactly like that. 

I remember once when I was a teen, someone in the congregation’s relative had passed and the pastor made sure to let us know in that weeks sermon they likely went to hell because they weren’t saved. The whole “don’t speak ill of the dead” doesn’t apply if they didn’t know the Straight White American Jesus (great podcast btw) 
 

I’d say there’s a non zero chance Ben doesn’t use this to spread more homophobia, even if at the funeral they tiptoe around Uncle Tom’s husband “friend”. (They absolutely will not refer to Lawrence as his husband)

Edited by Trillium
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AstridM

AstridM

2 hours ago, sagittarius sue said:

If a person dies at home, and the residents at the scene are determined not to be able to make relative notification, police will make a notification.  My career was in emergency communications, and as a larger city we would utilize volunteer police chaplains for this duty.  The most common situation would be a request from outside the state from NLETS-National Law Enforcement Telecommuications System..

But why is a spouse required to report a death to anyone? Isn’t that their choice?

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Salacious Kitty

Salacious Kitty

6 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

Man wakes up. Finds husband dead in bed beside him (likely scenario, since it was early in the day.) Calls 911, Is visibly upset especially if it's true that he was urging an ER visit the night before Police, EMTs ask "is there anyone who can help you make arrangements?  He says " I have an uncle nearby." They go and inform JB. I don't see what the big mystery is.

I had a boss who woke up and found her husband dead. I'm sure she got her sisters to come over and help her, not jump immediately on the phone and start calling funeral parlors.

 

He fell in the bathroom. Lawrence heard him fall and ran to help him and found him unresponsive. He told the EMTs that Tom has had several falls recently, and the bruises they observed bore that out. 

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Salacious Kitty

Salacious Kitty

3 hours ago, Zella said:

The one I remember also involved another vlogger with a ridiculous name. Amy and Balls were making fun of her together and then when the other woman trashed them for it, Amy insisted she had no clue who she was or what the jokes were about. (I despise Amy, but I think she actually was telling the truth on that.) Things escalated dramatically from there. LOLOL

Amy and KJ have made up. KJ talked to both Amy and Deanna in this case. 

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charmed1

charmed1

8 hours ago, AstridM said:

And not all people in their 70s are unable to manage making plans and taking care of business. My mom will be 88 next week and is generally more productive and capable than I am, lol. 

I had the most embarrassing moment during my mom’s recent eye exam where the doctor told me mom’s vision is actually much better than mine. A scene ripped straight from the Golden Girls.

I too have attended several funerals where the pastor uses the eulogy as a time to offer an opportunity for salvation for mourners, talk about the deceased’s sins and how everyone in attendance is a sinner, and/or to advertise for their own church. I usually walk out during this time. I hope Mary’s brother in law has lots of non-homophobic loved ones to surround him with love. 

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GeeGolly

GeeGolly

11 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

He fell in the bathroom. Lawrence heard him fall and ran to help him and found him unresponsive. He told the EMTs that Tom has had several falls recently, and the bruises they observed bore that out. 

So the initial info of Tommy being afraid of going to the hospital and Lawrence driving him there the next day was incorrect?

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auntieminem

auntieminem

According to WOACB, one of Tommy's nephew's left a comment on her channel that Tommy was estranged from much of the family but not his mother (Tommy's sister). He was estranged from JB, Mary (before her death) and Deanna (per Deanna).  Apparently the husband asked to police to notify JB.  Still do not understand funeral arrangements.  This nephew's mother has been talking to the husband. Wonder what JB's cousins think of him. 

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Zella

Zella

(edited)
13 minutes ago, auntieminem said:

 Still do not understand funeral arrangements.  

Yes the whole thing seems like the Duggars have usurped the funeral, which I just find absolutely appalling. If they've been estranged for a long time and not on speaking terms, I seriously doubt his wishes were for noted homophobe Ben to preach his funeral sermon, for noted homophobe Jim Bob to be the one running anything related to his life, or for his obituary to remove the mention of his husband in favor of the vague spouse. 

Edited by Zella
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cm-soupsipper
Message added by cm-soupsipper,

Closure Notice: This Thread is now closed due to the name (and much of the posting within it). Please be mindful going forward by naming topics in a way that invites a healthy community conversation. If you name something for a cheap laugh, this thread may be closed later because it encourages discrimination and harm. 

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