Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[Ohiopirate02]

13 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

Shrinkflation, indeed. I'd been to 3 supermarkets nearby + Walmart, trying to find kitchen sponges (4 in a package). All they had were the sponges with the green bottoms (for scrubbing). Today I went to the last supermarket in my area and found a package of 4 sponges. When I got home and took one out, I saw that the sponges were thin. It was as if they'd sliced regular sponges in half horizontally. Will try Target & Costco next. Sheesh 🤬

I buy all of my sponges from Dollar Tree or Dollar General. I find that their business models have certain categories where they do not skimp to save a buck and things like sponges fall into those categories. It's like their research shows low income people are willing to make some tradeoffs when it comes to affording common items and crappy sponges is one step too far for them.

[Mindthinkr]

25 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I buy all of my sponges from Dollar Tree

Same. I get a 6 pack of thick ones (with the green scrubby side) for $1:25. There wear well and I don’t get upset if I have to throw one away after doing a dirty job. 

Edited April 8 by Mindthinkr
Autocorrect changed wear to water. I have no clue as to why it came to that conclusion.

[annzeepark914]

13 hours ago, Yeah No said:

It used to be a big pet peeve of people in my age bracket when our parents would tell us as kids to "think of all the children starving in Africa" every time we didn't finish the food on our plates. Honestly when my friends and I get together and talk about the stuff our parents used to tell us it almost feels like we all had the same parents, LOL.

Actually though, my parents never did say that particular phrase to me, not seriously anyway. They used to kid me around with it because it was a known expression, like the one about how they had to "walk to school uphill both ways in the snow", LOL. But they could also say a lot of things other parents would say to their kids and not be joking about it.

At our house it was "Think of all the starving children in Korea". We had to eat what was served--no offers of a PB&J sandwich 😸. I think that started with the next generation (post '64). My mom wasn't exaggerating re: long treks to school in the North Bronx back in the 20's & 30's. We also had long treks, living an hour north of the city. But all those challenges built character...or so they said.

[StatisticalOutlier]

4 hours ago, Yeah No said:

large parts of the US and Canada call it that or "Coke"

Yeah, in my neck of the woods, you'd hear this:

"Do you want a Coke?"

"Okay."

"What kind?"

"Dr Pepper."

[Quof]

I've lived in many parts of Canada.  I've never heard a Canadian say "Coke" to describe anything other than Coca-Cola.

[Salacious Kitty]

1 hour ago, Quof said:

I've lived in many parts of Canada.  I've never heard a Canadian say "Coke" to describe anything other than Coca-Cola.

I think Coke is more of a Southern US thing. 

[annzeepark914]

36 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

I think Coke is more of a Southern US thing. 

When I first moved to Raleigh, I asked where the soda machine was. A southern woman I worked with said, "We call it the Coke machine". Even though the machine held a variety of soft drinks, they still called it a Coke machine. Then I began to hear southerners (with heavy drawls) talk about having a "Co-cola".  I just loved that. One of my aunts, originally  from Virginia, would ask us if we'd like a glass of ging-ale. A southern friend told me that when her mom attended Duke, her mom talked about going with her friends to the "cocaine store". That meant they were getting Coca-colas (which she said had a bit of cocaine in it back then). Really? Can this be true?

Edited April 8 by annzeepark914

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, annzeepark914 said:

When I first moved to Raleigh, I asked where the soda machine was. A southern woman I worked with said, "We call it the Coke machine". Even though the machine held a variety of soft drinks, they still called it a Coke machine. Then I began to hear southerners (with heavy drawls) talk about having a "Co-cola".  I just loved that. One of my aunts, originally  from Virginia, would ask us if we'd like a glass of ging-ale. A southern friend told me that when her mom attended Duke, her mom talked about going with her friends to the "cocaine store". That meant they were getting Coca-colas (which she said had a bit of cocaine in it back then). Really? Can this be true?

It's a Coke machine it only has products made by Coca-Cola and the machine is basically a big Coke sign.  

[ebk57]

2 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

That meant they were getting Coca-colas (which she said had a bit of cocaine in it back then). Really? Can this be true?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca-Cola

Quote

When launched, Coca-Cola's two key ingredients were cocaine and caffeine. The cocaine was derived from the coca leaf and the caffeine from kola nut (also spelled "cola nut" at the time), leading to the name Coca-Cola.[77][78]

Hell of a recipe... 

[Bastet]

6 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

That meant they were getting Coca-colas (which she said had a bit of cocaine in it back then). Really? Can this be true?

Way back in the 1800s, yes, otherwise, no.  Here's an article that gives an overview.

4 hours ago, PRgal said:

It's a Coke machine it only has products made by Coca-Cola and the machine is basically a big Coke sign.  

Sure, in numerous places you can find a Coke machine that only dispenses Coca-Cola products (just as you can find Pepsi machine only dispensing Pepsi-Co products).  But the discussion refers to all the places in the southern U.S. where "Coke" is used as generically as "soda" or "pop" or similar are used elsewhere to refer to soft drinks in general, regardless of brand.  @StatisticalOutlierillustrated this well with the Dr. Pepper example.

[Browncoat]

Yep, where I live, all soda machines are Coke machines.  My workplace has a contract with Pepsi, so we don't even have Coke products, but they're still Coke machines.  But I call it soda.  And I may or may not have ever said "co-cola" at some point in my life.

[meep.meep]

One thing I've never understood about people calling all soft drinks "Coke" is that both Coke and Pepsi are rabid enforcers of their trademarks.  I had friends who owned a pizza parlor that served Pepsi, and Coke sent in someone who ordered a "Coke" and because they didnt' say "No, it's Pepsi" they got sued.

Like the old Saturday Night Live restaurant sketch:  "No Coke, Pepsi!"

[Anela]

I still need to get new bluetooth headphones that connect to my computer (and ones with a longer wire, to plug into it), because mine crapped out just before Christmas. My battery-powered, wireless headphones that connect to our old TV, just gave out on me, too. They were $90, five years ago. 

I'm using cheap wireless ear buds, but they hurt my ears. 

Edited April 9 by Anela

[Mondrianyone]

4 hours ago, Anela said:

I still need to get new bluetooth headphones that connect to my computer (and ones with a longer wire, to plug into it)

I'm confused. If they're Bluetooth, why do they need to be plugged in? The whole point of Bluetooth is that it's a wireless technology. I have (cheap--I've never paid more than $15 tops on eBay) Bluetooth headphones that I use to watch TV when my husband's sleeping. I also use them with my laptop occasionally. Maybe I'm misunderstanding?

[oliviabenson]

why do the small appliances cords so short? I have to use an extension cord with everything! 

[ginger90]

21 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

why do the small appliances cords so short? I have to use an extension cord with everything! 

Make sure you are using an extension cord rated for appliance use.

[fairffaxx]

I was told that appliance manufacturers make the attached cords short so that they won't trail all over the counter/floor & cause accidents.

So everyone has to add extension cords, which are often/usually longer than needed for the appliance in question, & trail all over the counter/floor & cause accidents.

Good for the extension cord sellers but bad for everyone else.

[Dimity]

2 hours ago, fairffaxx said:

I was told that appliance manufacturers make the attached cords short so that they won't trail all over the counter/floor & cause accidents.

For me I actually like that the cords for most small appliances are relatively short.  I hate having cords stretched across my kitchen counters and prefer them  hidden behind the appliance I'm using.  Of course that's easy to say if you have a kitchen like my current one with lots of outlets.  One kitchen we had had exactly one.  I have no idea what the builders were thinking other than:  "Gee no one will ever need to plug in more than a toaster and a kettle so we're good here".

[ABay]

Charging cables for tablets and phones are also ludicrously short and I've bought longer ones. 

[Is Everyone Gone]

I hate it when the trackpad in your laptop starts to act funky and then you need to buy a wireless mouse. Ugh.

[SoMuchTV]

12 minutes ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

I hate it when the trackpad in your laptop starts to act funky and then you need to buy a wireless mouse. Ugh.

Ah, young’un. Come over and go through my drawer full of every possible generation of mice. 

[Yeah No]

I woke up to a couple of inches of snow this morning. And it hasn't melted yet, despite having turned to rain! This is the latest my husband and I can ever remember seeing snow stick on the ground. Grrrr.....😠

[Yeah No]

On 4/9/2025 at 6:39 PM, meep.meep said:

One thing I've never understood about people calling all soft drinks "Coke" is that both Coke and Pepsi are rabid enforcers of their trademarks.  I had friends who owned a pizza parlor that served Pepsi, and Coke sent in someone who ordered a "Coke" and because they didnt' say "No, it's Pepsi" they got sued.

Like the old Saturday Night Live restaurant sketch:  "No Coke, Pepsi!"

"No fries, chips", LOL 😉

That's like calling cellophane tape "Scotch Tape". Technically that's a brand name but I've never heard of anyone getting sued for using that term incorrectly, LOL.

On 4/9/2025 at 7:41 PM, Anela said:

I still need to get new bluetooth headphones that connect to my computer (and ones with a longer wire, to plug into it), because mine crapped out just before Christmas. My battery-powered, wireless headphones that connect to our old TV, just gave out on me, too. They were $90, five years ago. 

I'm using cheap wireless ear buds, but they hurt my ears. 

The wireless earbuds would have to be bluetooth as well. I guess you just want a full set of bluetooth headphones, then? I get that because they can be more comfortable.

That said, my pet peeve is how obtuse many people have been about using bluetooth headsets and ear pieces. I have been using a bluetooth earpiece for 20 years now. It's not rocket science but how long has it taken for people to get up to speed on this stuff? I just can't get over it.

It's not just for the car but for use around the house or just out in the world. It allows me to multitask without having to hold a phone or run for it or search for it in my purse. I don't use the bluetooth function in my car because I use the earpiece all the time and I hate when the two "fight" with each other over which one gets to connect.

I also hate it when people see you talking like you're really talking to a person (and not just crazy talking to yourself) and look at you like you're strange. Come on, people, this is not 1982, you have zero excuse for not knowing what's going on here!

On 4/11/2025 at 9:13 AM, fairffaxx said:

I was told that appliance manufacturers make the attached cords short so that they won't trail all over the counter/floor & cause accidents.

So everyone has to add extension cords, which are often/usually longer than needed for the appliance in question, & trail all over the counter/floor & cause accidents.

Good for the extension cord sellers but bad for everyone else.

Yeah, but at least the manufacturer can't get sued if the accident is caused by your extension cord and not their cord. I think they were getting sued and that's why they're shortening the cords. Some of them were ridiculously long but it's similarly ridiculous, though, how short they're getting. And if you live in an older house with fewer outlets you have no choice but to get extension cords.

And then there's the situation in which certain appliance user guides tell you not to use them with extension cords, like anything with heat, such as electric heaters, humidifiers, etc. WTF are you supposed to do THEN?

[Caoimhe]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

I woke up to a couple of inches of snow this morning. And it hasn't melted yet, despite having turned to rain! This is the latest my husband and I can ever remember seeing snow stick on the ground. Grrrr.....😠

I feel your pain.  Our trees and grass are still covered, the driveway and steps haven’t melted, and we aren’t getting anywhere near the forecast temps as it still feels below freezing.  It’s supposed to be spring. 🤬😡

[Yeah No]

15 hours ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

I hate it when the trackpad in your laptop starts to act funky and then you need to buy a wireless mouse. Ugh.

I hate trackpads. I disable them and use a small travel sized wireless mouse.

[PRgal]

4 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I hate trackpads. I disable them and use a small travel sized wireless mouse.

Same.  For when I travel, anyway.  I have a regular sized wireless at home/office.

Edited April 12 by PRgal

[annzeepark914]

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I woke up to a couple of inches of snow this morning. And it hasn't melted yet, despite having turned to rain! This is the latest my husband and I can ever remember seeing snow stick on the ground. Grrrr.....😠

Mid-Aptil 1970 when I lived in Westchester, there was quite a snowfall. I didn't have boots but we were going over to NJ so I put maybe Baggies?? over my shoes. Whatever the product was, they protected my shoes. Going over the GW Bridge in a big snowstorm was memorable!

[Yeah No]

8 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

Mid-Aptil 1970 when I lived in Westchester, there was quite a snowfall. I didn't have boots but we were going over to NJ so I put maybe Baggies?? over my shoes. Whatever the product was, they protected my shoes. Going over the GW Bridge in a big snowstorm was memorable!

Oh yeah, back then we had some cold weather for sure. I remember Winters as a kid in NYC where the snow piled up and never melted all season into the Spring.

[oliviabenson]

On 4/11/2025 at 8:52 PM, ABay said:

Charging cables for tablets and phones are also ludicrously short and I've bought longer ones. 

and no more charging brick provided either. 

[Quof]

I buy long charging cables that are brightly coloured, so when people are leaving a meeting no one accidently picks up mine.  I also choose cables with flat connectors because they're more durable.    

[Browncoat]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

and no more charging brick provided either. 

I did get a brick with my new iPad in January.  Which was a good thing, because the iPads are now USB-C to USB-C.  My phone is USB-C to lightning.  My computer is something different altogether.  And I have an old iPad that I use for games that don't require internet, and I don't even know what to call the connector on its cord.  My peeve is why can't all the power cords and chargers get along!  (Corollary to a long-ago peeve about electricity world-wide -- all outlets/voltages need to be standardized around the world.)

[Caoimhe]

4 hours ago, Browncoat said:

I did get a brick with my new iPad in January.  Which was a good thing, because the iPads are now USB-C to USB-C.  My phone is USB-C to lightning.  My computer is something different altogether.  And I have an old iPad that I use for games that don't require internet, and I don't even know what to call the connector on its cord.  My peeve is why can't all the power cords and chargers get along!  (Corollary to a long-ago peeve about electricity world-wide -- all outlets/voltages need to be standardized around the world.)

The former standard 30-pin? I still have a couple of those hanging around from our iPhone 4/4S before Lightning replaced it.  I couldn’t agree more about the outlets and voltages, I’ve had to replace too many things throughout my life because they wouldn’t work in the place I was moving.  Sometimes a step-down transformer would do the trick, other times nothing would make a device work.  I only own the (overpriced) sewing machine brand I do because they’re dual voltage and could move with me, but for their overlocker I couldn’t bring myself to pay the price so I’ve had to buy new ones.  

[Mondrianyone]

On 4/10/2025 at 12:23 AM, Mondrianyone said:

Maybe I'm misunderstanding?

I guess we'll never know! 🤔

[Dimity]

My peeve today, people who use the term "unalive".  There is no context where I think I would find this acceptable but least of all when someone is describing a man who murdered his wife and they say "he unalived her".  What the hell?

[SoMuchTV]

1 hour ago, Dimity said:

My peeve today, people who use the term "unalive".  There is no context where I think I would find this acceptable but least of all when someone is describing a man who murdered his wife and they say "he unalived her".  What the hell?

My understanding is that there are some sites/social media/forums (? Not really sure - I haven’t encountered them personally) that flag or censor posts with words like “kill” or “murder”.  So people who post on those sites carry the habit over to other places. 

But I agree with you. It sounds more disrespectful than coming out and saying what happened.  Almost like it’s trivializing it or making it less serious. 

[DrSpaceman73]

2 hours ago, Dimity said:

My peeve today, people who use the term "unalive".  There is no context where I think I would find this acceptable but least of all when someone is describing a man who murdered his wife and they say "he unalived her".  What the hell?

I hate it too. 

As mentioned online sometimes it's used to bypass censors. But that just shows you how stupid those online censors are. 

Saying it though is just dumb. 

[Anela]

On 4/10/2025 at 12:23 AM, Mondrianyone said:

I'm confused. If they're Bluetooth, why do they need to be plugged in? The whole point of Bluetooth is that it's a wireless technology. I have (cheap--I've never paid more than $15 tops on eBay) Bluetooth headphones that I use to watch TV when my husband's sleeping. I also use them with my laptop occasionally. Maybe I'm misunderstanding?

My bluetooth headphones that work with my ipad and iphone (but turn themselves off a lot), don't connect properly to my computer. It's a gaming computer, and if I'm gaming, and they cut out, it affects the game itself. I have to tab out and fix them again. They're also much too quiet, for some reason. 

My dad has tried to replace them, but both headsets were too quiet. Today, it was Xbox headphones that also work on the PC. The quality was great, except for the fact that they sounded like they were at 50%. He tried to replace them for my birthday, and I hate that I'm disappointing him, because he puts so much work into checking reviews. 

I can't use bluetooth with my TV, because it's too old, but I found the connecting wire that was too short to use at my computer, and it plugged into my Roku remote, so that's good for as long as they work. 

1 hour ago, SoMuchTV said:

My understanding is that there are some sites/social media/forums (? Not really sure - I haven’t encountered them personally) that flag or censor posts with words like “kill” or “murder”.  So people who post on those sites carry the habit over to other places. 

But I agree with you. It sounds more disrespectful than coming out and saying what happened.  Almost like it’s trivializing it or making it less serious. 

TikTok doesn't let people mention certain other sites, either, at least if they're monetized. I saw someone calling FB, the book face, a little while ago. If you're a streamer, and you also stream on twitch, they call twitch "the purple app". 

I'll mention a peeve with tiktok: I will sit and let a video play for a minute, or fifteen seconds, if it helps someone. What bugs me is that tiktok has them asking for different amounts of time, sometimes they have to ask you to search for something, and then hit the buttons on the right side of the screen, from the bottom up. It's a whole thing. TT needs to just let these people earn through views.

[Mondrianyone]

14 hours ago, Anela said:

My bluetooth headphones that work with my ipad and iphone (but turn themselves off a lot), don't connect properly to my computer.

Ah, I see. I mean, I don't really see because I'm totally out of my depth when it comes to gaming stuff. Your dad sounds like a treasure. I hope you find a workable solution.

[Absolom]

I don't know that this is a pet peeve, but it is a complaint.  I was sent to the closest social security office in the county to file my claim for survivor's benefits.  I've since found out it has the slowest or nearly slowest processing time in the county!  I just called them since the website says most claims are processed in 30 days and it was two months yesterday.  They just told me they are taking five to six months!!  I could have driven an extra two miles and gotten an office with a much better processing record.  They should offer us options.

[Browncoat]

I cannot for the life of me get the DMV's appointment webpage to load.

[Cloud9Shopper]

People who need to be in charge all the time. Even when they have no business leading. 

I just got home from choir and there was a woman who was out of control and raised her voice twice during practice at us (she is around 35-36 years old; not that that’s relevant but just for context that this isn’t some old Catholic lady), one time to yell that we need to not breathe on a certain point in a song and then again at the end of practice that we need to wear gold or white on Holy Thursday and then she added “and if you don’t have something figure it out!” And the director never stepped in and told her to quit yelling or put her back in her place. She is not the choir director, the assistant choir director, the conductor or anyone of leadership in the church. She’s just been going to that church since childhood. That’s about it.

I’m sorry but I don’t go to church choir practice to get screamed at. I wouldn’t like it if the director yelled either. Not to mention there is zero need to be that hostile and insist that adults need to wear matching colors for Mass. As we sit upstairs in a choir loft and really no one turns to look at us, who is going to care if we wear white, gold, green, whatever? I wore a purple sweater last Holy Thursday when I was still at another church and singing in the choir. Guess who cared? Absolutely nobody. That’s who. If you ask me, someone should’ve told this woman to shut up and reminded her she’s not the director and put her back in her place and he’s the one who should be reminding us when to breathe. 

Edited April 15 by Cloud9Shopper

[PRgal]

@Cloud9Shopper This is why some churches put everyone in choir gowns.  You can wear whatever the h3ll you want (as long as it's not just underwear or a bathing suit)...and you won't get some crazy person like that one.

[Cloud9Shopper]

11 minutes ago, PRgal said:

@Cloud9Shopper This is why some churches put everyone in choir gowns.  You can wear whatever the h3ll you want (as long as it's not just underwear or a bathing suit)...and you won't get some crazy person like that one.

I sang in a Lutheran church choir when growing up and people wore jeans under their robes all the time. Robes aren’t as common in Catholic choirs (not sure why; maybe it is because most of the time they’re in the choir loft and not singing in front), though the choir at our diocesan cathedral wears them. Most Catholic churches I’ve been to the choir is just wearing church-appropriate clothes. But for some reason my group loves the matchy matchy stuff. 

Which leads me into wondering why so many adults still love matching clothes! It’s like the “getting ready” outfits at weddings when people buy matching pajamas or robes for their wedding party to get ready in when most of them are never worn again after that day. That’s one thing I‘m skipping if I ever get married. 

Edited April 16 by Cloud9Shopper

[StatisticalOutlier]

4 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m sorry but I don’t go to church choir practice to get screamed at.

Why are you apologizing?

[Cloud9Shopper]

6 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Why are you apologizing?

I don’t know. I’m thinking of complaining to the director (or telling her directly she will never speak to me again the way she raised her voice at choir last night), but my church is unfortunately very clique driven and I doubt the director will care, especially because he didn’t stop her from carrying on last night. She’s one of the “favorites” so to speak, and gets a pass because her grandparents are very active in the church and she has “life trauma” and was largely raised by her grandmother. Which is fine but I hate the “trauma” and “mental health issues” excuses people use to be rude to everyone around them and then that behavior is enabled because everyone knows how poor Becky has had such a hard life. There are, I’m sure, people with life trauma who can join a choir and treat others with respect while they’re there rather than yelling like hyenas. 

She’s also one of the partying ringleaders so she made a bunch of Jell-O shots for the bus that’s visiting different churches for Holy Thursday. Because I’m sure people who are in those churches for private prayer are going to be thrilled (/sarcasm) if people from our church come in talking loudly since they’ve been drinking on the bus. It’s another reason she gets a pass. People are so excited to do shots and get their drink on when they should remember that Holy Thursday isn’t exactly a partying day in the church. (Plus, there is a bar and a brewery right down the road if they need to drink that bad. I don’t know why that’s allowed either but again, you can’t speak up in that church.)

Edited April 16 by Cloud9Shopper

[Ancaster]

 

13 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

 

I’m sorry but I don’t go to church choir practice to get screamed at. I wouldn’t like it if the director yelled either. Not to mention there is zero need to be that hostile and insist that adults need to wear matching colors for Mass. As we sit upstairs in a choir loft and really no one turns to look at us, who is going to care if we wear white, gold, green, whatever? I wore a purple sweater last Holy Thursday when I was still at another church and singing in the choir. Guess who cared? Absolutely nobody. That’s who. If you ask me, someone should’ve told this woman to shut up and reminded her she’s not the director and put her back in her place and he’s the one who should be reminding us when to breathe. 

If you feel "someone" should have said something, why didn't you?

[EtheltoTillie]

9 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Why are you apologizing?

She’s not. “I’m sorry” in that context is a figure of speech that means you’re not sorry. 

[EtheltoTillie]

3 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I don’t know. I’m thinking of complaining to the director (or telling her directly she will never speak to me again the way she raised her voice at choir last night), but my church is unfortunately very clique driven and I doubt the director will care, especially because he didn’t stop her from carrying on last night. She’s one of the “favorites” so to speak, and gets a pass because her grandparents are very active in the church and she has “life trauma” and was largely raised by her grandmother. Which is fine but I hate the “trauma” and “mental health issues” excuses people use to be rude to everyone around them and then that behavior is enabled because everyone knows how poor Becky has had such a hard life. There are, I’m sure, people with life trauma who can join a choir and treat others with respect while they’re there rather than yelling like hyenas. 

She’s also one of the partying ringleaders so she made a bunch of Jell-O shots for the bus that’s visiting different churches for Holy Thursday. Because I’m sure people who are in those churches for private prayer are going to be thrilled (/sarcasm) if people from our church come in talking loudly since they’ve been drinking on the bus. It’s another reason she gets a pass. People are so excited to do shots and get their drink on when they should remember that Holy Thursday isn’t exactly a partying day in the church. (Plus, there is a bar and a brewery right down the road if they need to drink that bad. I don’t know why that’s allowed either but again, you can’t speak up in that church.)

Sounds like you should just leave the choir, as you had mentioned recently, sooner rather than later. Communities like churches are so infected with petty politics and infighting and bad behavior from people with personality disorders. With a veneer of being about something else. 

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I don’t know. I’m thinking of complaining to the director (or telling her directly she will never speak to me again the way she raised her voice at choir last night), but my church is unfortunately very clique driven and I doubt the director will care, especially because he didn’t stop her from carrying on last night. She’s one of the “favorites” so to speak, and gets a pass because her grandparents are very active in the church and she has “life trauma” and was largely raised by her grandmother. Which is fine but I hate the “trauma” and “mental health issues” excuses people use to be rude to everyone around them and then that behavior is enabled because everyone knows how poor Becky has had such a hard life. There are, I’m sure, people with life trauma who can join a choir and treat others with respect while they’re there rather than yelling like hyenas. 

She’s also one of the partying ringleaders so she made a bunch of Jell-O shots for the bus that’s visiting different churches for Holy Thursday. Because I’m sure people who are in those churches for private prayer are going to be thrilled (/sarcasm) if people from our church come in talking loudly since they’ve been drinking on the bus. It’s another reason she gets a pass. People are so excited to do shots and get their drink on when they should remember that Holy Thursday isn’t exactly a partying day in the church. (Plus, there is a bar and a brewery right down the road if they need to drink that bad. I don’t know why that’s allowed either but again, you can’t speak up in that church.)

I hope you don't mind my 2 cents on this. Hearing all the stress this church and some of its (how shall we say?) "quirkier" members have caused you, I'd be thinking over whether it's worth staying there or finding a new church. As you know, I've been there and done that with a stressful church experience and let me just say that once you stop banging your head against a wall it actually feels GOOD.

I know that it's more complicated with Catholic churches because it might mean going outside your parish but at this point that's what I'd be considering. I quit churches and choirs but my husband didn't and after a few negative experiences he decided to "shop around" to find a better one. And he has found a few wonderful churches over the years, and one of them was actually a Roman Catholic cathedral. Based on his and my experiences with them, churches can be very different from each other. Unless you live in a rural area without many churches, you probably have choices. At this point I don't think what you're getting out of it is worth what you're putting up with there. If you have to keep coming here to rant about it, and from the kinds of things you're recounting, I'd say it's time to think about that. 

[Yeah No]

2 minutes ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Sounds like you should just leave the choir, as you had mentioned recently, sooner rather than later. Communities like churches are so infected with petty politics and infighting and bad behavior from people with personality disorders. With a veneer of being about something else. 

Exactly. And some churches can be like big dysfunctional families and attract a higher number of dysfunctional people. At the church I went to there were many wonderful people but the toxic people ruined the experience for me. It was not an easy decision to make and I felt a sense of loss but I let it go on so long that it was something I absolutely HAD to do for my peace of mind. It was starting to cause me more aggravation and stress than it was worth. If I were on this board at the time I'd probably be writing similar posts complaining about it. Only in my case I was also on the Vestry, which was basically the board of directors of the church. And the toxic people with personality disorders were well represented there too and causing me even MORE stress!