Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[ChocolateAddict]

I'm clearly the odd one out here but I love the heat and humidity :) I will happy swelter in 35C (95F) with 70% humidity but anything below 20C (68F) is cold in my book. Low 20s means that I start getting out the scarves.  I also work on the theory that you can only complain about the heat or the cold so I choose to complain about the cold.  You won't hear me being critical of the heat! 

Edited July 6, 2015 by ChocolateAddict

[lookeyloo]

I'm with you, ChocolateAddict.  I can never put enough clothes on to get warm, since I feel cold from the inside.  I am thinking of trying "hot yoga".  Once I was up in the attic here in the deep south on a very hot summer day.  I started to drip sweat and the more I did, the better I felt, like a buzz or high.  Mr. Lookeyloo thought I was insane.  Two years ago he had some health issues and I had high anxiety.  I walked for an hour every day in the middle of the day when the temp and humidity were in the 90s and dripped sweat but that calmed my anxiety.  Crazy I know, but, works for me.  

[GeeGolly]

We New Englanders complain about weather all the time. End of January into February - Too much snow. April - Too much rain. Late July into August - Too hot & humid. November - Oh no Winter is coming.

 

We wear shorts & Ts when 60 degrees in the Spring, but wear jackets when it is 60 degrees in the Fall.

 

I'm fairly certain complaining about weather is genetic in this area, or at least a birth right.  ;)

[kokapetl]

I live in coastal Australia and I want to turn the AC on when the forecast max is 27 c, but I compromise with 30 c. I can count the number of times I've seen snow in person on one hand. It's so pretty, how could anybody hate it? I distinctly remember the big perfect snowflakes I saw in NYC on St Patrick's Day 2013.

Edited July 6, 2015 by Kokapetl

[Happyfatchick]

I'm clearly the odd one out here but I love the heat and humidity :) I will happy swelter in 35C (95F) with 70% humidity but anything below 20C (68F) is cold in my book. Low 20s means that I start getting out the scarves.  I also work on the theory that you can only complain about the heat or the cold so I choose to complain about the cold.  You won't hear me being critical of the heat!

Nope, Chocolate, you have company! it is so HUMID in Georgia in summer, it's like living in a terrarium. But I certainly wouldn't trade it. I'm not sure I can say I never complain about the heat, but I don't mean it when I do. We're like human water bottles in this climate. Standing up causes condensation, and some of us stink a little bit.

My family has a standing joke about my intolerance for cold - they say I start complaining about the cold when the thermometer dips below 75, and I don't quit until it hits 75 going the other way in spring.

A story about the heat: when I was in HR in a distribution center for a children's clothing brand, we also had a very tiny division of (all women) sewing. I don't even remember why they were there, they were completely separate from the rest of the entire operation. Eventually, the decision was made to shift that group somewhere else. The "PTB" decided to move them next door to another warehouse, but they gave them the opportunity to change positions with the DC or move with their division. They were all close to retirement (which is why they weren't just disbanded and laid off - the PTB hoped they'd all choose to retire or quit, given the choice) The manager took them on a tour of the other facility so they could decide. It was not a climate controlled building, and very heavy machinery was being used, increasing the heat. It was heat exhaustion waiting to happen.

One of those ladies came huffing into my office that afternoon, hitting every level of indignation about the ridiculous choices they were having to make at their ages. She said, "I'm telling you right now, when they was showing us where we'd be sittin, I looked over in the corner, and I swear to gawd, DEMONS was jumping up and down havin a party! It's not 'hot as hell' over there, it IS hell over there!!!!"

* * * * *

On a different note entirely, my heart is so heavy tonight. I'm 55 years old, and I've lived in my lil' town a very long time. My senior class was 34 people. One of my very very favorite people from my class also still lives here [which is odd, because most of those 34 people DO still live within a 10 mile radius, and we all swore we'd get out the minute we could!]. I'll just say his name is Brad. He's a whipper snapper, heavily involved in the community. His granddaddy, then his father owned the general store. (It was actually called that!). Went from a scrawny gangly "Ep" look-alike in HS to a big burly weight lifter with the Mr. Clean thing going on. Dabbles in grave markers as a personal business, but also works part time for the funeral home and full time for the county. Married my best friend in our class. He's been like an ornery brother to me for 40 years and I love him. When Daddy died in downtown Atlanta, my family left me alone in the room with him - at my request - for a moment. When I came out a royal mess, there was my ornery pal Brad, come from the funeral home to collect. Wearing a suit and looking extremely professional, standing at attention against the wall with his hands clasped in the middle (like they do, you know). He looked at me, and I looked at him and i watched it dawn on him that he was picking up MY Daddy. Forget the funeral pose, he opened his arms and held me while I snotted all over his nice suit and tie, and I will never forget how he kissed the top of my head and cried with me, saying, "I'll take care of your Daddy, I'll take care of your Daddy...". All that to say that Brad is a very special guy,

and has just been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's.

Ok, I just sat there and stared at the keyboard for 2 full minutes. Where, exactly, do you go after that? This week I'll have lunch with his wife. I sure hope I get some bolt-of-lightening insight before then, because right now, I got nothin.

[Love2dance]

So sorry, HAPPYFATCHICK. Sometimes life is so confusing and cruel. There are no words. But hugs to you as you help him, just like he helped you.

[lookeyloo]

Gosh HFC, that is not good news.  So sorry.  FFcyberhugs on way.

[CofCinci]

I'm a mental health clinician for the Dept. of Veterans Affairs. Today is my busiest day of the year. I'm sitting in my car not wanting to even go into my office. I need a break. :/.

[lookeyloo]

CofCinci - they need you!  I hope the day passes without incident and you get your break.  Too much to hope for?  

[NextIteration]

I'm a mental health clinician for the Dept. of Veterans Affairs. Today is my busiest day of the year. I'm sitting in my car not wanting to even go into my office. I need a break. :/.

 

Is the Monday after the Fourth a particularly hard day?  Or is it just the overwhelming need for mental health care in the V.A.?  You're an angel either way.

 

@HFC, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, you seem exceedingly qualified to find the right words, I have faith in you. 

 

♥

[msblossom]

HFC, my heart goes out to you and your dear friend and his wife. It's really unfair. I'm sorry.

[GeeGolly]

CC, I'm sure you are a Rock Star!!! It must be tough for Vets w/PTSD after the 4th if they are triggered by the noise, as well as the meaning of the holiday.

 

And HFC, Alzheimers is a tough one, so sorry for you and your friend. 

[CofCinci]

Is the Monday after the Fourth a particularly hard day? Or is it just the overwhelming need for mental health care in the V.A.? You're an angel either way.

♥

I'm far from an angel. Just a Veteran who is dedicated to helping other Veterans. The week after the 4th of July is one of the busiest for new consults because many have their first big panic attack during the weekend -- not because of a big fireworks show --- it's those stray rockets and firecrackers that are lit off randomly around the 4th. My division is in really bad shape with low staffing. Mental health out on the community is even worse.

[Happyfatchick]

CofCinci, I agree, you are a ROCK STAR with angel wings. Big ones, too, like John Travola's in that movie.

[emma675]

CofCinci, you're amazing and we need thousands more like you. Mental healthcare in this country is a joke, it makes me sad and frustrated.

 

HFC, Alzheimer's is a bitch. There is nothing good about it and it robs us of our loved ones twice over (once when they lose their memories and again when they pass on). My grandmother had it and I worry about my mom and myself getting it.

 

On a happier note, Seashell, thanks for the link and I hope your grandsons get all of the equipment they need for school. I donated, but let us know if you need more help.

Edited July 6, 2015 by emma675d

[NEGirl]

HappyFatChick - I am so sorry to hear this about your dear Friend. Prayers and hugs to you.

 

CoCinci - God Bless you for the work you do. You are so needed and thank you for the work you do.

[msblossom]

Sometimes I forget the battles people fight of mental health or the ones of just having a really hard day. Thinking of you today, CofCinci.

[Jenniferbug]

Thinking of you both, CofCinci and HFC.

Today seems like a rotten day. I was supposed to be induced today to have my second baby, but we got bumped due to labor and delivery being crazy full. It's a small thing, I know, but when you have your heart set on having the baby on Monday, have made childcare and arrangements with work, and then to get a phone call this morning saying "never mind"...Well, I'm bummed. Even though I understand, I'm really bummed.

[barbedwire]

Jenniferbug!  I know that feeling.  You want to see your baby today, as promised.  Will you go in tomorrow?  Then your baby will have a cool birthdate: 7/7 :)

[Jenniferbug]

They can't get us in till Wednesday, so 7/8 will have to do :-)

My poor husband has been up since 4:30 saying it was like Christmas morning so we're having a gloomy day at our house. Some of the stress also comes from us living 45 minute from the hospital so my anxiety over going into labor on my own and being so far away is not helping- I was relieved to not have to worry about it after today, but no such luck!

[Love2dance]

Aww. Jenniferbug, so sorry for the delay. Waiting is the hardest. Hope the next few days go quickly and smoothly for you. The little one will be in your arms soon. Hugs.

[zenme]

It's okay, Jenniferbug. I know you're excited about meeting your new baby, but we forget about the immense changes coming. Just enjoy right now. These last few days are baby #1s last days with ALL the undivided attention. Enjoy that!! Just roll with it. It's all good. Congratulations on that new baby!!

Edited July 6, 2015 by zenme

[NextIteration]

I'm far from an angel. Just a Veteran who is dedicated to helping other Veterans. The week after the 4th of July is one of the busiest for new consults because many have their first big panic attack during the weekend -- not because of a big fireworks show --- it's those stray rockets and firecrackers that are lit off randomly around the 4th. My division is in really bad shape with low staffing. Mental health out on the community is even worse.

 

That makes soooooo much sense.  And yes, you are an angel. ♥  Thank you for all you do.

[Seashell Lover]

I an writing this letter with tears in my eyes. We can not believe how generous all of you were with helping my grandsons get their Ipad and computer. With All of your help I can give the school the down payment and I will be able to make payments for the rest. Once again we thank all you who made it happen.

[Skittl1321]

Does anyone have experience with the Bradley method for childbirth?  I'm trying to figure out what class to take, because I'm hoping to have an unmedicated (hospital) birth, and the hospital prep classes are basically "now, when you receive your epidural..."

 

But my only experience with Bradley is watching Anna- and well, that looked horrible.  So I'm leaning to hypnobabies...but the idea of being promised a "painfree birth experience" seems like complete bullshit, so I'm back to Bradley...

[Julia]

I'm far from an angel. Just a Veteran who is dedicated to helping other Veterans. The week after the 4th of July is one of the busiest for new consults because many have their first big panic attack during the weekend -- not because of a big fireworks show --- it's those stray rockets and firecrackers that are lit off randomly around the 4th. My division is in really bad shape with low staffing. Mental health out on the community is even worse.

 

My dad used to say that he thought about Korea all night on July 4, and that was a while ago.

 

HFC, your post made me think of my dad too. I'm so sorry.

[Happyfatchick]

My mom also has Alzheimer's, as I speak. She's recently taken a hard left turn (going downhill far more rapidly than ever before - been dealing with this for 14 years). I hate it for my mom - she's not capable of hooking a bra anymore and were buying Depends by the truckload. So degrading, and so so pitiful. But my mom is EIGHTY FIVE, and while it's hard, it's not an unexpected part of life. Brad, on the other hand, is MY AGE. Everybody who knows him is just devastated. He has a new grandson too (a year). Poo!!!!!

Edited July 6, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[Happyfatchick]

Oh! I forgot to say (for those interested...) the parents have requested a meeting with my daughter and SIL (headed for Nicaragua) for updates and questions. Supposed to happen Thursday night. My youngest son had a flash of brilliance today when he asked me what were my questions: he said, "ask them what you need to do to become a board member". That is GENIUS!!!!! They would never let that happen, of course, I'm far too vocal and an obvious poo-pooer. But it sure got me thinking about a level headed third party to offer! [my current plan is to ASK to be on the board myself. Then when I offer the other non-invested suggestion, it'll seem like a pretty good idea. Right?]

[questionfear]

Does anyone have experience with the Bradley method for childbirth?  I'm trying to figure out what class to take, because I'm hoping to have an unmedicated (hospital) birth, and the hospital prep classes are basically "now, when you receive your epidural..."

 

But my only experience with Bradley is watching Anna- and well, that looked horrible.  So I'm leaning to hypnobabies...but the idea of being promised a "painfree birth experience" seems like complete bullshit, so I'm back to Bradley...

I don't know a whole lot (my wife gave birth to my son via c-section after it was determined he was overcooked and a wee bit too large for a safe natural birth).

 

But from what I understand Bradley is great for learning natural birth techniques, but can get very militant about medical intervention. We looked at it briefly before deciding it wasn't for us (and it would have been moot anyway). But that's just something to keep in mind. 

[Julia]

Bradley worked well for me. It's mostly concentrating on the muscle groups involved so you have an idea what to do to help the first time rather than the not at all useful "push."

One major note, though: make sure if your husband/partner is cowed by men/women in uniform you have a doula, because unmedicated labor without an IV is a lot more work for the medical staff and they're not all on board for it. My OB was the Chair of Obstetrics, and our labor nurse resented my not having an epidural badly enough that she tried to go behind his back and get the intern on duty to administer one. And my husband? was freaked out so badly that he caved. You really shouldn't have to be battling the nursing staff while you're trying to focus.

Edited July 6, 2015 by Julia

[Skittl1321]

The first thing I said to my OB was that I wouldn't be using medication, and she said no problem, just made sure I'd be okay with antibiotics if I tested positive for strep (otherwise she wouldn't have taken me into her practice, but that isn't an issue for me); but I also plan to hire a doula. If only because I'm not sure my husband is totally into the crunchy granola birth I'm planning :)  So I want someone there who isn't thinking I'm crazy while also trying to be reassuring.  My husband is the perfect fit for me, but he can be very sarcastic, and I'm not sure that is 100% what I will need while in labor.  But it might be, who knows.

[GEML]

Can I also make a suggestion? If you have a doula and really trust her, don't be afraid of 1) laboring for awhile at home, and taking some nourishment. 2) if you have a long labor asking for some pain relief such as a shot of Demerol or looking into something like laughing gas. The reason most women cave to the pressure to an epidural or even have the Caesarian (it's happened) is because they are exhausted and weakened from lack of food. It's called labor for a reason, and some food and a chance to take a nap will do wonders for your long term stamina if it needs to go that long.

And I hear you about the induction date changing. My son was to be induced on a Monday and in we went. They did a bunch of things, but he wouldn't budge. They sent me home. I went back Tuesday, more things. I labored all day, and he was finally born early Wednesday. It was two years before I could say what his birthday was without thinking about it, because it was so set in my mind that he was SUPPOSED to be born two days earlier!!

[HundFan]

 

But from what I understand Bradley is great for learning natural birth techniques, but can get very militant about medical intervention. 

I did Bradley with my first daughter 29 years ago, and if what they still teach is any iteration of what I experienced, run. When pregnant with my first, I was very crunchy and determined to do everything "naturally," so Bradley's premise that women could give birth silently and without pain meds (since that's how animals do it) seemed logical to me.  And when I asked my instructor about contractions, I believed her when she said the sensation would be "intense" and "some discomfort," but certainly not unbearable. 

 

My 7 hour labor with my 9 1/2 pound baby blew those notions to kingdom come. I needed pain meds and a vacuum extractor to push that watermelon out and anyone within 2 miles of me could assure you I was NOT silent while doing so. Having my Bradley instructor approach me 3 weeks later at the parents' reunion party and tell me she was so sorry I "failed" was the cherry on top I didn't need. Now, one more daughter and many decades later, I realize that of course I didn't fail. I had a beautiful healthy child in my arms and that was what mattered most. 

 

I hope Bradley has grown to become less judgmental about pain meds and other sometimes-necessary medical interventions. And I think women should have all possible information, relaxation/breathing/screaming techniques - and yes, medication - in their arsenal when they prepare to give birth. That way they can make informed choices that work for THEM - not for some rigid ideology - and hopefully have the wonderful birth experience all women  deserve. That's certainly my hope for my own two girls. 

Edited July 6, 2015 by HundFan

[Julia]

That's a shame. It wasn't my experience at all. My Bradley coach was noticeably more open-minded than the women who wrote the What to Expect books. The only thing she really put her foot down on was that panting was a terrible idea.

 

The La Leche League rep, on the other hand, who I didn't ask to speak to, suggested that I should be considering suicide over being unable to breastfeed after reduction surgery.

Edited July 6, 2015 by Julia

[GEML]

Oh my word, don't get me started on the people who make women feel badly because they either do or do not breastfeed. (I did one with each child, so I know both sides and like all "wars" think a hard line is pretty overrated.)

[Seashell Lover]

I am going to miss all of you. We just got invited to one of my oldest grandsons friends grandparents ranch near 4 corners Co. The boys are very excited about going there. I can not believe how many generous people there are in the world. We leave tomorrow morning for 2 weeks and I was told by my grandsons to leave all computer stuff home. Will miss all of you.

[BradandJanet]

I did Bradley with my first daughter 29 years ago, and if what they still teach is any iteration of what I experienced, run. When pregnant with my first, I was very crunchy and determined to do everything "naturally," so Bradley's premise that women could give birth silently and without pain meds (since that's how animals do it) seemed logical to me.  And when I asked my instructor about contractions, I believed her when she said the sensation would be "intense" and "some discomfort," but certainly not unbearable. 

 

My 7 hour labor with my 9 1/2 pound baby blew those notions to kingdom come. I needed pain meds and a vacuum extractor to push that watermelon out and anyone within 2 miles of me could assure you I was NOT silent while doing so. Having my Bradley instructor approach me 3 weeks later at the parents' reunion party and tell me she was so sorry I "failed" was the cherry on top I didn't need. Now, one more daughter and many decades later, I realize that of course I didn't fail. I had a beautiful healthy child in my arms and that was what mattered most. 

 

I hope Bradley has grown to become less judgmental about pain meds and other sometimes-necessary medical interventions. And I think women should have all possible information, relaxation/breathing/screaming techniques - and yes, medication - in their arsenal when they prepare to give birth. That way they can make informed choices that work for THEM - not for some rigid ideology - and hopefully have the wonderful birth experience all women  deserve. That's certainly my hope for my own two girls. 

 

I had a similar experience with Bradley and my own watermelon baby, who will be 30 in September. It must have been an 80's thing. I had a very necessary c-section. The doctors held out a long time, and later I was criticized by various people for "giving in." Baby and I would certainly have not survived without intervention. 

 

I insisted on a planned c-section for baby 2, who was also large and stubborn. By that time, I knew that the goal was a healthy mother and baby, and everything else had to be considered through that one outcome. Skittl, you will do fine and the circumstances of little Skittl's birth will become secondary to the wonderful presence of this new little person in your family.

[Jenniferbug]

Skittl, I would recommend asking people in your community what the Bradley classes are like around there. And I wouldn't discount doing classes through the hospital either- I know some have had lousy experiences, but the hospital where myself and many friends have given birth is great about working with all types of mothers- from my friend who had a doula and no drugs to me who very much wanted an epidural :-) It all depends on the people involved.

Bottom line is that you need to choose the birth experience you feel is best for you and your family. Parenting is without a doubt the hardest thing I have done, and the "mommy wars" only make it more difficult.

[Julia]

My OB referred me to my Bradley coach - maybe that's why I had a better experience? I don't think a militant anti-interventionist would be willing to work with a doctor.

+1 on the mommy wars. I wrote about politics for years and I've rarely encountered a discussion more flat-out nasty and aimed at damaging the vulnerable than the Usenet battles over breastfeeding and circumcision I read when I was pregnant. I think it's magical thinking, honestly. Because if my preferred way of doing it isn't the only way to do it, then I haven't found the secret to being sure nothing bad will ever happen to my child. Because bad things only happen to the children of bad parents. Not that it excuses the vicious behavior, but I always think the people in those conversations must be terrified.

[Mindymoo]

So with the Supreme Court's wonderful ruling on June 26th, my fiancee` and I finally set a date! August 5th, 2017. It will be at a winery in Essex County, Ontario, which is near Windsor. (There's a bit of a story behind that. There are some people that we kind of don't want to have at the wedding, but will raise a stink if they're not invited. So if we make it so they have to have passports, which most of them don't have and won't bother getting, problem solved!) We are wearing saris, and each member of the wedding party (maid of honor, man of honor, three maids, one groomsman) are wearing a different color. I'm having a man of honor instead of a maid of honor, and it's my cousin and best friend. He's going to wear a sari because, in his words, he "doesn't believe in traditional gender roles or expression." Cutest part of all? I had my Busia over for dinner last night to discuss it all. She wants to wear a sari too, is so excited for us, and told me not to worry about to people in the family who are against our marriage and will poo-poo the whole affair, because they don't matter. All that matters is that we love each other, and that the people we want to be there will be there to celebrate with us. And she told us we better not do it any later than 2017, because she's 82 now and she's not getting any younger. I'm so excited and have been finally taking a serious look at wedding saris. We celebrate our five year anniversary in August, so it will be nice to be married close to our seven year anniversary.

[Seashell Lover]

Bon voyage, Seashell! Have a grand time out there!!

Thank you :)

[HundFan]

Glad you had a great experience with Bradley, Julia. Truly. (I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone, even a med-free, silently birthing goat.) I also had a reduction, though mine was after my children were grown, at which point I felt SO much better I couldn't fathom why I'd waited so long!

 

I'm sorry La Leche treated you badly. There's NO excuse for that. They should be ashamed of shaming new mothers who are already likely overwhelmed by exhaustion and postpartum hormones. I only lasted a little while breastfeeding both my girls. (I felt so ... what's the word? ... oh yea, bovine). La Leche guilted me too. The baby losing IQ points and immunity and a Ph.D. and all that ....) At one point I almost considered throwing a blanket over my shoulder and taping an upside down bottle to my bra strap just to fake it. Who'd know??

 

In any case, I believe educated women should be allowed to make their own choices, both re giving birth and giving milk. It took me awhile to wise up, but NO ONE is ever again going to tell me what's supposed to happen   ... either down there or up here. 

 

ETA: Skittl, I too know you'll do great. You've obviously educated yourself re the options. And you will absolutely know what's right to do. That's what becoming a mom is all about. You go girl!

Edited July 7, 2015 by HundFan

[Readalot]

Seashell, I hope you and the boys have a wonderful vacation. You deserve it! Can't wait to hear all about it! Mindy, there is a huge smile on my face! I'm so happy for you and your beloved.

[HundFan]

Cheers from me too Mindy! My precious oldest daughter married her amazing wife 1 1/2 years ago here in California. (In fact, they had a Domestic Partnership filing and a City Hall wedding prior to the big formal to-do we threw them, so they like to joke they were "thrice married!") My husband of 36 years and I couldn't possibly have been happier or prouder! Wishing you and your beloved a lifetime of joy and laughter! 

Edited July 7, 2015 by HundFan

[emma675]

Congrats, Mindy! I'm so happy that so many of my friends now have the same right to marry as the rest of us, it took long enough.

[Mindymoo]

Thanks everyone! When the news came down, it took every ounce of self control for us to not run down to the courthouse and get married on the 26th. (Ours was prepared, already had paperwork that said "applicant one" and "applicant two", it was approved by the city and there were ministers and justices of the peace willing to do the ceremonies. We didn't have jerks refusing to hand out licenses like they have had in other places.) But we decided to wait and just have the celebration with family and friends. It's great to finally have the right, and to see all of our friends' wedding announcements coming out in droves. I thought this day wouldn't come for a long time, but it's so nice that when we do get married, it will be the same as everyone else's in the eyes of the law. It won't be a huge lavish wedding, but it will be a hell of a party and a celebration of our love.

[lookeyloo]

Our son and his husband got married in DC two years ago. It wasn't legal in their state. Happy for them and for you, MindyMcIndy and your beloved.

[RedPonyDriver]

Congratulations to all the newlywed and soon to be wed couples! May you all have a lifetime of peace, happiness and joy.

[jacksgirl]

Yay, Mindy!! Excited for you. So proud to be an American after the SCOTUS ruling. Keep us posted on the wedding plans.

[Love2dance]

MINDY MCINDY, Congratulations!! A sari wedding will be so beautiful. Have an amazing ceremony and celebration!

SEASHELL LOVER, you deserve a vacation with your grandkids. Enjoy every minute.