Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[jjane]

Hello all. I've been away from the board for a while. We moved to a new house and a new town and I am seriously behind on everything. When I say don't pay any attention to the mess people say it looks allright but I know what lurks in the closets. Not to mention never being able to find paperwork because my husband and nephew tried to help out by doing a lot of the packing and unpacking because of my fibromyalgia. I should have insisted that I at least be there when the packing was done but they meant well. I take care of all the bills and things that keep a household going so it is driving me crazy. Then there's the fact that my doctors are still an hour away and I have tp pick up my medicine according to when I have to be in my old town. It used to be easier because we still had our old house there but we just sold it so I need to bite the bullet and have my prescriptions transferred and find new doctors. Anyway I totally did not come here to bitch.

@magpye29, so happy to hear things are looking up. I remember when you told us about your marriage ending and I'm so glad your situation is improving. And I think going back to school is awesome. I'm 60 and reluctantly going back to school so I can take the new test to change my notary public commission from seven parishes to statewide. Not at all happy that the legislature refused to grandfather present notaries in, especially since I was commissioned in 1995. It sounds like you have a much better outlook on it than I do. Anyway, it's never wrong to follow your dream. That's what keeps us alive. And @bigskygirl, I  feel you with the dry eye. Every time I slack off on the medicine it keeps roaring back. Between all the meds for fibromyalgia, migraines, etc. etc. I spend a lot of days trying not to fall asleep and every new thing just feels like a pile on. 

Edited August 8, 2018 by jjane
wall-o-text. Figured at least one paragraph break would help

[bigskygirl]

{{{HUGS}}} @jjane  It is never fun with the medications and doctors. The first night I took my night time meds after getting my first allergy shot I ended up with chest pain/tightness, bad headache and having mild breathing problems when I went to bed especially when I was lying on my back. I was not able to get my second shot today because I was not able to do the lung function test. Yesterday when I went for a short walk around the block I was having a hard time breathing. UGH!!! No idea if the Acid Reflux Disease is acting up, possible Asthma, thyroid levels off again, or side effects from going off the med because of the blasted side effects which have been bothering me since I have tried three different meds since late June. I have to get the problem with the breathing and chest pain and tightness under control before I can get my next shot. Oh goody!

I hope everyone is doing well. {{{HUGS}}} everyone

Edited August 8, 2018 by bigskygirl

[jjane]

See, that's the thing. Some of us have so many things wrong with us that it's hard to know what is causing what problem. You end up treating everything at once. Last night I took a muscle relaxer, ibuprofen, and requip at one time and tried to go to sleep. Two hours later, still in horrible pain, I took gabapentin and oxycodone. I try not to take the oxycodone too often but sometimes it is the only thing that lessens the pain. That's why I get so mad when people try to say no one needs opiates. Yes, I do and I know a lot of other people who do. I take less than I should and so do a lot of other people I know, strictly because of the stigma. On my better days I can look pretty good and people have no idea about my problems. Sometimes you just want to look good and feel normal. On the bad days, my husband, whose answer to how do I look is always "You look fine", says "you look really bad. Do you want to go back to bed?".  Thank God he understands. For all of you who also struggle with multiple problems, I know how you feel. Feel free to pm me any time the frustration with the outside world gets to be too much. I've been there and I believe you.

[bigskygirl]

I am at the point where I am afraid to try out a new med or a new treatment. This morning when I tried to do the lung function test was bad enough. I could not take a deep breath and try to blow it out long enough to see how my lungs were doing. And yesterday when I went for a short walk and was having a hard time breathing was not fun either. I know the heat and wildfire smoke play a small part in it, but still...

[jcbrown]

50 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

This morning when I tried to do the lung function test was bad enough. I could not take a deep breath and try to blow it out long enough to see how my lungs were doing. And yesterday when I went for a short walk and was having a hard time breathing was not fun either. I know the heat and wildfire smoke play a small part in it, but still...

As an asthma sufferer with allergies who has to do peak flow tests before each shots, too, I can attest that the wildfire smoke plays a huge part in it. Last fall when the smoke was so bad here in Northern California, I was doing nebulized Xoponex (it's a bronchodilator like Albuterol but without the excipient that makes me shake) twice a day just to keep the wheezing in control. You might ask about something like that. Wildfire smoke is nasty, especially for compromised lungs.

[magpye29]

@jjane and @bigskygirl, the struggle is real.  People don't get it, and they always want to make out like we're faking it or being crybabies or just not trying hard enough.  My aunt, God love her (not the one I live above), would ask me why I couldn't just cheer up, and I had to try to explain to her that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain.  I'm not depressed because of anything specific; it's not event-triggered.  My brain is not wired correctly, and I feel bad unless I take my meds every day.  Now I do actually also have PTSD, confirmed by more than one doctor, as a result of my crappy childhood, my brother's death, and my son's death.  That is a struggle I fight frequently.  Every time my mother is mean to me, I'm still surprised by it.  Every time I give her another chance, she treats me like dirt.  She didn't speak to me at all during my daughter's bridal shower, and people noticed and asked me about it.  The only thing she said to me at the wedding was that I looked nice (I really did), but she wouldn't talk to me during the whole reception.  My niece and my son both called her out for bad behavior during the wedding--she took her shoes off and wore these god-awful red slippers for the formal pictures, and when my niece called her on it, she screamed at my niece that she would wear whatever she wanted.  She sat in the front row during the ceremony and kept getting up to take pictures, then during the reception, she was blocking the view of the dance floor when my daughter and her husband, so my son went over and hugged her and said she needed to sit down, and she did, but she didn't talk to him again for the rest of the night.  He went back home to another state without going to see her to say goodbye.

I don't remember if I mentioned that I took all the wedding flowers and put them on all the family graves on my side and my husband's side, but I sent photos to my family members, and every single person commented except my mother.  I took my MIL with me to put flowers on my FIL's grave, and we also put some on my husband's grandparents' grave and his aunt and uncle's, as well as his uncle's brother.  I just couldn't figure out what to do with them, and I didn't want to just throw them away.

So anyway, here we are a week later, and I've had complete radio silence with my mother except when I texted the pictures on our family group text.  I came home yesterday, and she had left some mail for me on the downstairs hall table (she thinks I lock my apartment, so she didn't even try the door) and she also left me two packages of beads for my earring making.  I'm just so over this lather-rinse-repeat that I haven't even responded because I don't feel like opening another dialogue with her.  I really think my biggest feeling when she dies is going to be relief.  Not that she's going to die any time soon--the women in her family usually live to be about late 80s, and she's only in her early 70s, but I like half a mile straight down the road from her and I have almost no contact with her.  I drove her an hour each way for the wedding rehearsal, and I literally had nothing to say to her.

Anyway, when I read about other people's family dynamics, please know I believe your pain and your mixed feelings.  We put so much emphasis on blood connections, but often, it's the people we're related to who make us the most miserable and who really should be ejected from our lives.  I can't make a complete break, but I keep as much distance as I can because it's just that bad.

My niece told her she knew my parents were really hard on my sister and me, and my mother responded that they weren't that hard on us, and besides, times were different then.  Really?  I don't know anyone else who got beaten with a 1X4 with a handle cut into it, or a wire hanger that was stretched out to a switch.

Step away from the keyboard, magpye...

[lookeyloo]

I feel for everyone's pain.  We've had our share of health and family issues.   Right now it is about our grand puppy.  We saw her last Friday when my son asked could I make her some chicken soup because she wasn't eating.  I did, and she ate it.  But that was it.  After going to the vet, and the specialty vet, they have diagnosed her with an aggressive cancer spread through her lymph system.  We are going to say goodbye to her tomorrow and the vet is coming to the house on Friday to send her over the rainbow bridge.  She has the sweetest disposition. Always smiling and tail wagging.  She has a brother and they've been together since birth and they are 12.  We are worried about him.  Not comparing their value to a human person.  She means a lot to us.  

[bigskygirl]

@jcbrown  No idea if it is Asthma, but Acid Reflux Disease can cause Asthma type symptoms. I will be taking the one med they put me on for the Reflux Disease twice a day instead of once a day to see how I do. If I do not feel better, we will try to figure out what the heck is going on.

@magpye29  I am so sorry for what you have went through with your mom. My mom is the same way. I cannot stand to be around her at all. I do feel bad for her because her childhood was not pleasant at all, but all I can feel for her is feel bad for her. I do not love her or even like her anymore. And yes, I have been told to lighten up. *rolling eyes*

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I feel for everyone's pain.  We've had our share of health and family issues.   Right now it is about our grand puppy.  We saw her last Friday when my son asked could I make her some chicken soup because she wasn't eating.  I did, and she ate it.  But that was it.  After going to the vet, and the specialty vet, they have diagnosed her with an aggressive cancer spread through her lymph system.  We are going to say goodbye to her tomorrow and the vet is coming to the house on Friday to send her over the rainbow bridge.  She has the sweetest disposition. Always smiling and tail wagging.  She has a brother and they've been together since birth and they are 12.  We are worried about him.  Not comparing their value to a human person.  She means a lot to us.  

I am so sorry about your grand puppy. It is so hard to say goodbye to our four legged animal family members. {{{HUGS}}} for you and your family and for her brother. Hope her brother will be fine after saying goodbye.

Edited August 8, 2018 by bigskygirl

[ginger90]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I feel for everyone's pain.  We've had our share of health and family issues.   Right now it is about our grand puppy.  We saw her last Friday when my son asked could I make her some chicken soup because she wasn't eating.  I did, and she ate it.  But that was it.  After going to the vet, and the specialty vet, they have diagnosed her with an aggressive cancer spread through her lymph system.  We are going to say goodbye to her tomorrow and the vet is coming to the house on Friday to send her over the rainbow bridge.  She has the sweetest disposition. Always smiling and tail wagging.  She has a brother and they've been together since birth and they are 12.  We are worried about him.  Not comparing their value to a human person.  She means a lot to us.  

Sending good thoughts, so sorry.

[Rabbittron]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

I feel for everyone's pain.  We've had our share of health and family issues.   Right now it is about our grand puppy.  We saw her last Friday when my son asked could I make her some chicken soup because she wasn't eating.  I did, and she ate it.  But that was it.  After going to the vet, and the specialty vet, they have diagnosed her with an aggressive cancer spread through her lymph system.  We are going to say goodbye to her tomorrow and the vet is coming to the house on Friday to send her over the rainbow bridge.  She has the sweetest disposition. Always smiling and tail wagging.  She has a brother and they've been together since birth and they are 12.  We are worried about him.  Not comparing their value to a human person.  She means a lot to us.  

I understand because we had to put our cat Pumpkin Spice to sleep last Thursday because we took him to the vet because he kept bitting his leg and I thought he had fleas but it was cancer. He was only 5 years young ??

[bigskygirl]

@Rabbittron I am so sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

[Mindthinkr]

I am so sad to read about all of the challenges that y’all are facing...not to mention the losses. My condolences. I’m so grateful to be here. I was going to vent something but now it seems of no importance. I will be praying for each and every one of you tonight. 

[jjane]

Hell, vent away. If its  important to you get it out. We won't laugh.

[Mindthinkr]

Sorry. I can’t burden y’all at this time. There’s too much going on in your lives. It’s something that was brought up today from my past and it hurt but I’ll be ok. Heck, I lived thru that, I can get thru now. Another time my dear friends. I appreciate your caring. 

[Rabbittron]

17 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

@Rabbittron I am so sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

Boytron, Teentron and I  thank you.

[jcbrown]

1 hour ago, bigskygirl said:

@jcbrown  No idea if it is Asthma, but Acid Reflux Disease can cause Asthma type symptoms. I will be taking the one med they put me on for the Reflux Disease twice a day instead of once a day to see how I do. If I do not feel better, we will try to figure out what the heck is going on.

My understanding from the allergist who finally diagnosed my asthma is that reflux is the most common cause of adult-onset asthma. Not applicable in my case but I've heard that more than once. Mine took forever to get diagnosed, partially because they kept asking me about wheezing and I would say no, I don't think so, but there is this purring sensation. Turns out that my language in how I experienced it and their language in how they described it took a long time to mesh.

@Rabbittron, I'm so sorry for the loss of your furry family member.

[bigskygirl]

6 minutes ago, jcbrown said:

My understanding from the allergist who finally diagnosed my asthma is that reflux is the most common cause of adult-onset asthma. Not applicable in my case but I've heard that more than once. Mine took forever to get diagnosed, partially because they kept asking me about wheezing and I would say no, I don't think so, but there is this purring sensation. Turns out that my language in how I experienced it and their language in how they described it took a long time to mesh.

@Rabbittron, I'm so sorry for the loss of your furry family member.

No wheezing for me either, but it has felt like an elephant has been sitting on my chest at times since Monday night. Hopefully the double dose of the one med will help.

[magpye29]

@Rabbittron, I'm so sorry about your puppy.  I know that pain.  I got a second cat when I knew my dog was failing, because I didn't want my avatar kitty (see pic to the left) to be alone when my dog passed.  It was a good decision, because the two cats keep each other company for chunks of the day.

@bigskygirl, I have no words of wisdom for you.  If I miss my meds, I feel queasy all the next day.  I don't miss my meds, even if I don't take them till 10 at night.  I get heartburn now, which is a new thing, but the doc said it was normal.  I really hope they find a protocol that works for you.

@Mindthinkr, I once read a parable, I guess you'd call it, about grief.  In it, a woman was carrying around a load of bricks, and lamenting that someone else was carrying a load of feathers, so God told her to switch burdens with the other person.  To her surprise, the bag of feathers was exactly as heavy as the bag of bricks.  I feel that way about most things.  The things that hurt and trouble me may seem minor to others.  I never had a broken bone or a physical scar from the beatings I was given, but that doesn't mean I wasn't treated badly.  I KNOW lots of people have had it a LOT worse than I did, but that's not really a comfort, because it was bad enough as it was.  So whatever had you hurting ISN'T less important than anything I've been whining about.  I'm not alone in thinking that I would like to have the opportunity to offer you sympathy and maybe even comfort for whatever you're going through because that's what we do here--we really care for each other.

Seriously, I'll share the story later, but if you guys knew what was going on in my house tonight and why I'm reluctant to go to sleep at 4 in the morning, I know you'd have some good advice for me.

Watching Cast Away for the umpteenth time.  Tom Hanks is a national treasure.

[bigskygirl]

@magpye29  For me, the side effects from the meds they were putting me on for anxiety were worse than the anxiety itself. Being constantly tired to the point I felt like a zombie, bad headaches, stomach cramps keeping me up at night, dry eyes, light sensitivity acting up, heat making me more sick, and the anxiety getting worse was not worth taking the med. I was told I had chemicals in my brain which was causing sensitivity to the meds. I also wonder if the chemicals are causing sensitivity to the thyroid med also. Maybe I need a brain scan or some type of testing to see what is going on inside my brain.

[zoomama]

friends, in an effort to keep relevant, i am reading but not putting much effort into commenting. i am 62 this month and full-time raising a 12 year old boy. (that would say enough, i know). said boy has been sicker than sick for the last 11ish days straight. we finally got a diagnosis of pneumonia. he is off his regular daily meds and IS taking antibiotics, breathing treatments, steroids and using an inhaler. he goes back to have his lungs rechecked tomorrow morning. all this to say....sleep is elusive when your kid is coughing-to-the-brink-of-puking around the clock. i am tired. and this kind of tired has nothing to do with my regular physical issues. i am going back to bed now and rest up myself. if you are the praying type, W. would appreciate it. school starts next week and he is in no way healthy enough to go back yet.

[bigskygirl]

11 minutes ago, zoomama said:

friends, in an effort to keep relevant, i am reading but not putting much effort into commenting. i am 62 this month and full-time raising a 12 year old boy. (that would say enough, i know). said boy has been sicker than sick for the last 11ish days straight. we finally got a diagnosis of pneumonia. he is off his regular daily meds and IS taking antibiotics, breathing treatments, steroids and using an inhaler. he goes back to have his lungs rechecked tomorrow morning. all this to say....sleep is elusive when your kid is coughing-to-the-brink-of-puking around the clock. i am tired. and this kind of tired has nothing to do with my regular physical issues. i am going back to bed now and rest up myself. if you are the praying type, W. would appreciate it. school starts next week and he is in no way healthy enough to go back yet.

@zoomama  {{{HUGS}}} Prayers and good thoughts for you and your grandson to get better soon.

[Barb23]

It seems that that dark cloud is hovering over us again with all the negative things going on.

Prayers & hugs to everyone. 

What happened to us saying 2018 was going to be a good year?

BTW @Happyfatchick, maybe you can give us a funny post.  I think we need it. 

Edited August 9, 2018 by Barb23

[Mindthinkr]

2 hours ago, zoomama said:

friends, in an effort to keep relevant, i am reading but not putting much effort into commenting. i am 62 this month and full-time raising a 12 year old boy. (that would say enough, i know). said boy has been sicker than sick for the last 11ish days straight. we finally got a diagnosis of pneumonia. he is off his regular daily meds and IS taking antibiotics, breathing treatments, steroids and using an inhaler. he goes back to have his lungs rechecked tomorrow morning. all this to say....sleep is elusive when your kid is coughing-to-the-brink-of-puking around the clock. i am tired. and this kind of tired has nothing to do with my regular physical issues. i am going back to bed now and rest up myself. if you are the praying type, W. would appreciate it. school starts next week and he is in no way healthy enough to go back yet.

Consider my prayers coming W’s way and also for you so you can get some much needed rest. *hugs* 

[Natalie68]

20 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

I feel for everyone's pain.  We've had our share of health and family issues.   Right now it is about our grand puppy.  We saw her last Friday when my son asked could I make her some chicken soup because she wasn't eating.  I did, and she ate it.  But that was it.  After going to the vet, and the specialty vet, they have diagnosed her with an aggressive cancer spread through her lymph system.  We are going to say goodbye to her tomorrow and the vet is coming to the house on Friday to send her over the rainbow bridge.  She has the sweetest disposition. Always smiling and tail wagging.  She has a brother and they've been together since birth and they are 12.  We are worried about him.  Not comparing their value to a human person.  She means a lot to us.  

I am so sorry!  This bites big time.  My baby girl kitty (who was 11) had aggressive mouth cancer almost 2 years ago (can't believe its been that long, feels like yesterday) and we tried to save her until we couldn't.  Then end of June I lost another to a really fast cancer.  I feel for my last boy.  He is the remaining kitty of his bunch (he was 1 of 4).  I have another young cat but still, Gidget was his best friend and he grieved quite awhile.  I still see he and Pippi looking for Napolean who passed in June.  This may sound harsh but I feel the value of animals is the same as humans to me.  My animals have never treated me like shit, ignored my feelings, or been a complicated family member.  They have loved me unconditionally and given me peace when I needed it.  I say this having lost my parents, all my grandparents, most of my aunts/uncles. and some cousins.  My thoughts are with you all!

19 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

I understand because we had to put our cat Pumpkin Spice to sleep last Thursday because we took him to the vet because he kept bitting his leg and I thought he had fleas but it was cancer. He was only 5 years young ??

I am so sorry.  Head bumps your way,

[magpye29]

@zoomama, I'm sending prayers and healing thoughts W's way.  I am so happy to be home alone tonight, I can't even tell you.

[lookeyloo]

2 hours ago, Natalie68 said:

I am so sorry!  This bites big time.  My baby girl kitty (who was 11) had aggressive mouth cancer almost 2 years ago (can't believe its been that long, feels like yesterday) and we tried to save her until we couldn't.  Then end of June I lost another to a really fast cancer.  I feel for my last boy.  He is the remaining kitty of his bunch (he was 1 of 4).  I have another young cat but still, Gidget was his best friend and he grieved quite awhile.  I still see he and Pippi looking for Napolean who passed in June.  This may sound harsh but I feel the value of animals is the same as humans to me.  My animals have never treated me like shit, ignored my feelings, or been a complicated family member.  They have loved me unconditionally and given me peace when I needed it.  I say this having lost my parents, all my grandparents, most of my aunts/uncles. and some cousins.  My thoughts are with you all!

I am so sorry.  Head bumps your way,

Thanks so much and to everyone else - we went over there and laid with her on the floor for a couple of hours. She is the sweetest thing. Obviously not feeling well but wagged her tail and tried to stand up. She has lost so much weight her body looks like a sharpei.  She is just so not her happy self. We have had pet loss of our own and are still raw even though it has been years and many $$$$ spent. A lot of cats and one big dog whose back end failed and his front end was alert and happy. We sobbed all the way to the vet and he was happy to be on a ride. And sobbed on the way home and took a detour to all you can eat Chinese buffet and laughed over that while we cried and gorged.  Totally agree about the love these pets give. Nothing like it. Thanks again. It is good to have us!  I feel like we are in the same corner. 

[jjane]

I think I may have been one of us who said I hoped 2018 would be better. Maybe I jinxed it, sorry. But to all of you with losses and challenges, my heart and my prayers are with you. Much love. 

[Happyfatchick]

Oh wow.  We’re pretty much a mess, aren’t we?  I may or may not have mentioned (on thread) that I’ve been having some issues of my own since spring.  It all started on mother’s day when I accidentally caught a catfish.  No, really!  We were camping, and I had cast some bait in the middle of the cove (lake just below us), anchored the pole and left it.  Later that day, I was lazily paddling around in the lake (kayak) and checked my line.  LO and behold, it fought back!  I had caught a catfish!  At this point, I decided I might stay awhile, and wanted to go back to the camper for my drink and my phone (for music).  I paddled into the bank like I have a thousand times before.  Scooted to the front of the yak like I’ve done a thousand times.  Put my left foot on the muddy bank, and my right foot stayed in the kayak as it shot down the slick mud away from me.  I pulled (badly) my left hamstring.  [no joke, the worst pain I ever had in my life!!!].  I yelled,  tied and begged, but my husband stayed oblivious while I butt crawled up the hill and across the gravel lot to the camper.  I was laying on our mat at the bottom of the stairs, drenched and coated in mud, thinking I was surely going to die when he came out -beer in one hand, cig in the other.  Looks at me curiously, and completely deadpan says “what the hell are you doing?”

blah blah blah, and about 4 weeks later, it had healed.  Basically.  I mean, I’m not running a marathon, but I was walking straight and unassisted.  Still, the leg was weak from weeks of downtime for healing.  (I’m generally a mover and shaker, downtime is NOT my friend). 

By now, it’s june and my son asked me to go to destin with his family, and off we go.  While there, we went to the outlet mall.  I was on the sidewalk and there was a jutted out entrance to a store.  I intended to bypass the store and stay on the sidewalk.  Instead, I took one step too many and walked into... air.  I fell flat out on the pavement, and my left butt cheek landed squarely on the cement curb.  I couldn’t feel my left foot for a full minute.  I was rolling back on the sidewalk, gasping for air, SO embarrassed,and it hurt like RIP!  A man runs up and offers to call someone for me.  Yes, please!  He’s holding out his phone and says “911?”  I am HORRIFIED!!  NOOO!  I tried to give him my DILs number but could only manage the first few digits.  

The upshot of that was I eventually was able to stand and hobble back to find my son.  I was shaken but could at least feel (sort of) my foot.  Right now, this very second, there’s a muscle on the side of my calf that is numb and the first 2 toes on that foot are numb.  Still.  (Yes, I’ve been to the doctor about ‘leventy million times, and she says - quoting here - “Huh.  That’s weird”.)

Fast forward to 2 1/2 weeks ago when we were in NC for some cool mountain air.  Leg is still not healed, and still weak.  All together I’ve fallen 11 or 12 times, because my leg doesn’t respond quickly to the brain announcing “BIG FALL AHEAD!  Mayday!  Mayday!”   And.... I fell going down the camper steps and sprained the same damn leg.  Yes I did.  In fact, my daughter (RN) believes I’ve chipped a bone in my ankle.  Still have numbness in that muscle and my toes.  Oh, and did I mention my foot is the size of a Christmas ham?  My left leg is swollen all the way to my knee.   That little knob thingy that sticks out on the side of my ankle hurts.  Burns.  Is painful.  (Huh.  That’s weird.)

So the DOC says I need an ultrasound to rule out blood clots.  Thankfully, no blood clots.  So this morning, her office chick calls and says “Dr. O says she wants you to see (...wait for it....) a podiatrist”.  I was speechless.  Am I the only person on earth who thinks a simple X-ray is in order here?  And am I the only person who meekly says “wellllllll, ok......” when you KNOW good and well it’s not your FOOT that’s the issue???  I fought hard for my parents with their health care people.  I would fight for my kids.  I would fight for my husband.  WHYYYYYY can’t I say “a PODIATRIST??? Are you kidding me?”  I need an advocate.

so.  My kids, one of which is about to get married AND has been called to work at a second job as a school nurse temporarily and has four children, and another who is just concerned and hovering are watching this with wide eyed disbelief - I mean, it’s   CRAZY, right? We’ve talked about it ad nauseum until we can’t talk any more without it being a family joke.  My oldest son (who loves me) looked at me and said: “Mom, you really need a helmet and some lunch lady shoes”.

well, you know.  He’s my kid.

***I didn’t tell this as a “pray for me” notice.  I told it because someone -sadly - mentioned upthread I should tell a story.  This’ll teach ya!***

there is sooooo much going on, so many, many serious issues with so many of our posters.  I’m sending virtual hugs, prayers and good thoughts to everybody.  I love this forum, but it still feels kind of impersonal when so many are really in some serious deep poop.  It comes in waves, doesn’t it?  

[andromeda331]

Thoughts & prayers to everyone. I'm sorry for all your going through and hope things get better soon.  lookeyloo, I'm sorry to hear about your grand puppy. jjane, zoomama, magpye29, bigskygirl I understand a lot of what your going through if you ever need to talk or vent I'm here or you PM me. I've been dealing with medical problems of that the past three years trying to figure out what's wrong. I understand the anger and frustration at getting doctors to listen and going from doctor to doctor to get someone to listen (I finally found a good doctor a little over a year ago who has been helping), dealing with pain, flare ups, good days, bad, anything else, how much or how little you can do, to dealing with family members who either don't understand or won't understand. The latter is more frustration because I have explained repeatedly all my issues and they won't get it. I'm housebound because I have to be its not a choice but they still seem to think I do. The former is a little easier because eventually they do understand. When my cousin came out for the holidays and wanted to do stuff together, I had to explained to her that I can't do anything. She suggested simple things like going for a walk or sitting in the park. I told her I can't even do that. It was really only then she realized that when I mean I can't do anything its really means anything. We ended up hanging out together in the evening while her family went and did stuff during the day because that's all I could do. If you ever need to talk or vent I'm here.    

[lookeyloo]

6 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

Oh wow.  We’re pretty much a mess, aren’t we?  I may or may not have mentioned (on thread) that I’ve been having some issues of my own since spring.  It all started on mother’s day when I accidentally caught a catfish.  No, really!  We were camping, and I had cast some bait in the middle of the cove (lake just below us), anchored the pole and left it.  Later that day, I was lazily paddling around in the lake (kayak) and checked my line.  LO and behold, it fought back!  I had caught a catfish!  At this point, I decided I might stay awhile, and wanted to go back to the camper for my drink and my phone (for music).  I paddled into the bank like I have a thousand times before.  Scooted to the front of the yak like I’ve done a thousand times.  Put my left foot on the muddy bank, and my right foot stayed in the kayak as it shot down the slick mud away from me.  I pulled (badly) my left hamstring.  [no joke, the worst pain I ever had in my life!!!].  I yelled,  tied and begged, but my husband stayed oblivious while I butt crawled up the hill and across the gravel lot to the camper.  I was laying on our mat at the bottom of the stairs, drenched and coated in mud, thinking I was surely going to die when he came out -beer in one hand, cig in the other.  Looks at me curiously, and completely deadpan says “what the hell are you doing?”

blah blah blah, and about 4 weeks later, it had healed.  Basically.  I mean, I’m not running a marathon, but I was walking straight and unassisted.  Still, the leg was weak from weeks of downtime for healing.  (I’m generally a mover and shaker, downtime is NOT my friend). 

By now, it’s june and my son asked me to go to destin with his family, and off we go.  While there, we went to the outlet mall.  I was on the sidewalk and there was a jutted out entrance to a store.  I intended to bypass the store and stay on the sidewalk.  Instead, I took one step too many and walked into... air.  I fell flat out on the pavement, and my left butt cheek landed squarely on the cement curb.  I couldn’t feel my left foot for a full minute.  I was rolling back on the sidewalk, gasping for air, SO embarrassed,and it hurt like RIP!  A man runs up and offers to call someone for me.  Yes, please!  He’s holding out his phone and says “911?”  I am HORRIFIED!!  NOOO!  I tried to give him my DILs number but could only manage the first few digits.  

The upshot of that was I eventually was able to stand and hobble back to find my son.  I was shaken but could at least feel (sort of) my foot.  Right now, this very second, there’s a muscle on the side of my calf that is numb and the first 2 toes on that foot are numb.  Still.  (Yes, I’ve been to the doctor about ‘leventy million times, and she says - quoting here - “Huh.  That’s weird”.)

Fast forward to 2 1/2 weeks ago when we were in NC for some cool mountain air.  Leg is still not healed, and still weak.  All together I’ve fallen 11 or 12 times, because my leg doesn’t respond quickly to the brain announcing “BIG FALL AHEAD!  Mayday!  Mayday!”   And.... I fell going down the camper steps and sprained the same damn leg.  Yes I did.  In fact, my daughter (RN) believes I’ve chipped a bone in my ankle.  Still have numbness in that muscle and my toes.  Oh, and did I mention my foot is the size of a Christmas ham?  My left leg is swollen all the way to my knee.   That little knob thingy that sticks out on the side of my ankle hurts.  Burns.  Is painful.  (Huh.  That’s weird.)

So the DOC says I need an ultrasound to rule out blood clots.  Thankfully, no blood clots.  So this morning, her office chick calls and says “Dr. O says she wants you to see (...wait for it....) a podiatrist”.  I was speechless.  Am I the only person on earth who thinks a simple X-ray is in order here?  And am I the only person who meekly says “wellllllll, ok......” when you KNOW good and well it’s not your FOOT that’s the issue???  I fought hard for my parents with their health care people.  I would fight for my kids.  I would fight for my husband.  WHYYYYYY can’t I say “a PODIATRIST??? Are you kidding me?”  I need an advocate.

so.  My kids, one of which is about to get married AND has been called to work at a second job as a school nurse temporarily and has four children, and another who is just concerned and hovering are watching this with wide eyed disbelief - I mean, it’s   CRAZY, right? We’ve talked about it ad nauseum until we can’t talk any more without it being a family joke.  My oldest son (who loves me) looked at me and said: “Mom, you really need a helmet and some lunch lady shoes”.

well, you know.  He’s my kid.

***I didn’t tell this as a “pray for me” notice.  I told it because someone -sadly - mentioned upthread I should tell a story.  This’ll teach ya!***

there is sooooo much going on, so many, many serious issues with so many of our posters.  I’m sending virtual hugs, prayers and good thoughts to everybody.  I love this forum, but it still feels kind of impersonal when so many are really in some serious deep poop.  It comes in waves, doesn’t it?  

wow, Happy, that is surely no fun at all. Having fallen I know it is scary even if nothing else happens.  I hope you can get someone to X-ray the parts that need it.  Keep us posted.

[latetotheparty]

I need some good energy sent out into the universe that I can find my left hearing aid.  It somehow wasn’t there when I went to take them off last night. I’m very dependent on my hearing aid and can’t afford to replace it. To say I’m freaking out would be an understatement. 

[bigskygirl]

21 minutes ago, latetotheparty said:

I need some good energy sent out into the universe that I can find my left hearing aid.  It somehow wasn’t there when I went to take them off last night. I’m very dependent on my hearing aid and can’t afford to replace it. To say I’m freaking out would be an understatement. 

Sending good energy your way. Hope you find your hearing aid soon. 

{{{HUGS}}} @Happyfatchick  Hope your foot gets better soon.

[questionfear]

@Happyfatchick Maybe the universe is telling you to sit down and write a book of all your adventures? Sitting should be safer for now. Just avoid paper cuts and carpal tunnel. ;)

[latetotheparty]

1 hour ago, bigskygirl said:

Sending good energy your way. Hope you find your hearing aid soon. 

{{{HUGS}}} @Happyfatchick  Hope your foot gets better soon.

Good energy!  I’ve found it!

[bigskygirl]

2 minutes ago, latetotheparty said:

Good energy!  I’ve found it!

Wonderful!

[Barb23]

@Happyfatchick, that was me that suggested one of your funny stories. No I didn't expect your injuries but there were still funny parts in your post. I can totally relate to your husband looking at you on ground with "what the hell are you doing?" That would totally be Mr Barb. 

Hoping your leg/ankle are on the mend.

I've also had the "oh no" feeling when you step down & realize its air there.  Mine was coming down stairs years ago, while holding railing, thought I was at bottom of steps but wasn't. Ended up with broken leg & a gash in our wall from my shoulder hitting it. 

Think I'll take my mind off my troubles this afternoon by watching one of the Alfred Hitchcock movies I've taped. Just recently watched The Birds & Psycho for the millionth time so I found some more Hitchcock movies on different cable channels. "Rear Window" anyone? 

Edited August 10, 2018 by Barb23

[bigskygirl]

Did the shower scene in Psycho scare you? I remember watching the movie for the first time and jumping when my phone rang at the same time the detective was going up the stairs.

[lookeyloo]

Our sweet grand puppy is in doggie heaven.  She had a peaceful passing around 2 p.m.  The rest of us are not so peaceful!!!!

[bigskygirl]

22 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Our sweet grand puppy is in doggie heaven.  She had a peaceful passing around 2 p.m.  The rest of us are not so peaceful!!!!

I am so sorry! It is never easy to lose a furry animal family member. {{{HUGS}}} for you and your family.

[Mindthinkr]

5 hours ago, latetotheparty said:

I need some good energy sent out into the universe that I can find my left hearing aid.  It somehow wasn’t there when I went to take them off last night. I’m very dependent on my hearing aid and can’t afford to replace it. To say I’m freaking out would be an understatement. 

Saint Anthony, 

Saint Anthony, please come down.

Ive lost something that won’t be found. 

He has saved me so many times that we are on a first name basis and I call him Tony. Tell him that I sent you. 

Good luck. 

[Mindthinkr]

42 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Our sweet grand puppy is in doggie heaven.  She had a peaceful passing around 2 p.m.  The rest of us are not so peaceful!!!!

My condolences. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your fur baby. *hugs*

[CalicoKitty]

2 hours ago, Barb23 said:

@Happyfatchick, that was me that suggested one of your funny stories. No I didn't expect your injuries but there were still funny parts in your post. I can totally relate to your husband looking at you on ground with "what the hell are you doing?" That would totally be Mr Barb. 

Hoping your leg/ankle are on the mend.

I've also had the "oh no" feeling when you step down & realize its air there.  Mine was coming down stairs years ago, while holding railing, thought I was at bottom of steps but wasn't. Ended up with broken leg & a gash in our wall from my shoulder hitting it. 

Think I'll take my mind off my troubles this afternoon by watching one of the Alfred Hitchcock movies I've taped. Just recently watched The Birds & Psycho for the millionth time so I found some more Hitchcock movies on different cable channels. "Rear Window" anyone? 

Rear Window!!  One of my absolute favorites.  I can watch it any time, any where.  That was an actual apartment building they build for the set, and the cast was so perfect.   I think I may watch it again tonight.  

[Barb23]

2 hours ago, bigskygirl said:

Did the shower scene in Psycho scare you? I remember watching the movie for the first time and jumping when my phone rang at the same time the detective was going up the stairs.

It did the first couple of times but now I think I'm used to it.

36 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

Saint Anthony, 

Saint Anthony, please come down.

Ive lost something that won’t be found. 

He has saved me so many times that we are on a first name basis and I call him Tony. Tell him that I sent you. 

Good luck. 

I forgot all about St Anthony when I was on a search for my missing ins cards & license.  

@lookeyloo  sending my condolences too.

@CalicoKitty That is interesting they built the apartment building for Rear Window. I never heard that.  You're right, the cast was perfect. Grace Kelly was so beautiful & classy & I loved her wardrobe. 

I'm not a fashion person by any means but loving seeing the actresses wardrobes in all the old movies.

[zoomama]

guys -- its going from bad to worse around here too. first, grandson is still sick. apparently, the antibiotic was not the right one and a week has been wasted. he now has a double ear infection on top of the pneumonia! the coughing is a mess still. they did a swab to see what the germ is, i guess to determine what med to give him. dr said to expect TWO antibiotics when we got back tomorrow.  his 02 is dipping so i am monitoring that. if it stays low, i am to take him to the ER. 

and if that weren't enough, we live within reach of the 'holy' fire currently going on in southern cali.  today especially, there is so much smoke you cant see far ahead...and the smell. we are in no danger but get the affects from it and can see flames in the distance from certain areas of town. my son who just closed on a house out there is the next area in line to voluntarily evacuate. the good news is, he has not moved there yet.  the transaction has turned out to be a bit fraudulent with the reports/inspections/disclosures made by the seller and the home is uninhabitable in its current state.  so, possibly no harm, no foul if it were to be in the burn area. for his sake, i hope not. he really wants to settle the problems and fix it to move in. 

so now, i am going to try to nap just in case i have to run to the hospital. 

[bigskygirl]

{{{HUGS}}} @zoomama Hope your grandson feels better soon, and your son has no problems with his new house. We have wildfires in Montana, and the smoke gets worse when the temps go up. I remember how bad last summer was, and the smoke and fires in 2015 were not great either.

This morning the chest pain and tightness along with the Acid Reflux Disease was bad. I took a nice hot bath, and it is seems to help, but I still feel like crap. My eyes are not doing better either.

I hope the Fall weather gets here soon with cooler temps and some rain and yes even the dreaded snow to help with the drought and fires. I just hope Montana does not have another long cold and snowy winter again.

Edited August 10, 2018 by bigskygirl

[Sew Sumi]

It's supposedly an El Niño year. I don't know how that affects Montana, but we get months (Nov-Mar) of the Pineapple Express here in NoCal. Shit tons of rain.

Hugs and healing vibes to all. 

Edited August 10, 2018 by Sew Sumi

[zoomama]

29 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

It's supposedly an El Niño year. I don't know how that affects Montana, but we get months (Nov-Mar) of the Pineapple Express here in NoCal. Shit tons of rain.

Hugs and healing vibes to all. 

we thought we'd get a lot of rain last winter but not so much. just enough to green up the hills so they can burn now. 

[Mindthinkr]

There are so many unpredictable awful things effecting too many people. Wildfires and smoke. Too much rain. Not enough rain and drought. Earthquakes. Volcanoes. Hurricane season. 

To everyone who has to deal with any of the above issues (and let me know if I have forgotten any) you have my sincere best wishes. All of that on top of the normal challenges we face is making for difficult and stressful times. Fret not my friends. Things will get better and change will come. I’m a glass half full person and I’m praying for everyone. May relief come to you soon. 

(Gosh I hope that I didn’t sound preachy...sorry if I did) 

[latetotheparty]

4 hours ago, Barb23 said:

Mine was coming down stairs years ago, while holding railing, thought I was at bottom of steps but wasn't. Ended up with broken leg & a gash in our wall from my shoulder hitting it. 

Think I'll take my mind off my troubles this afternoon by watching one of the Alfred Hitchcock movies I've taped. Just recently watched The Birds & Psycho for the millionth time so I found some more Hitchcock movies on different cable channels. "Rear Window" anyone? 

Barb, that is exactly how I ruptured my Achilles’ tendon. Stupid trickster stairs  

Rear Window is my fave movie of all time.  I’m always up for it. 

[DragonFaerie]

4 hours ago, Barb23 said:

Think I'll take my mind off my troubles this afternoon by watching one of the Alfred Hitchcock movies I've taped. Just recently watched The Birds & Psycho for the millionth time so I found some more Hitchcock movies on different cable channels. "Rear Window" anyone? 

I still cannot watch the Birds.  My much older brother was baby sitting me when I was like 3 and watched the Birds on the TV.  I was terrified of birds for years.  I later wound up with a pet conure and a roomate with a pet parrot, but still not watching that movie