The Quotes Thread: A Barrier of Bad News

[ghoulina]

All of Jenelle's voiceovers about why she hasn't seen Jace in awhile. "I started a new semester, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile", "I had to move, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile", "I'm glued to Tinder, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile", "My boyfriend and I are doing so much smack that we can't get off the couch, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile". 

[neatoburrito]

All of Jenelle's voiceovers about why she hasn't seen Jace in awhile. "I started a new semester, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile", "I had to move, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile", "I'm glued to Tinder, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile", "My boyfriend and I are doing so much smack that we can't get off the couch, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile". 

 

"I couldn't give a crap about Jace, so I haven't seen Jace in a while"

[CofCinci]

"I've got a cock in my mouth, so I haven't seen Jace in a while."

[ghoulina]

"My feelings for him have dropped, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile". 

[neatoburrito]

"My feelings for him have dropped, so I haven't seen Jace in awhile". 

 

I laughed aloud

[lovesnark]

It's a day that ends in "Y", so I haven't seen Jace in a while.

[starfire]

'I am very good at keeping my temper. I don't yell. I never yell."  -- Jenelle in Season 3, during a job interview at a day care center.

 

http://www.mtv.com.au/teen-mom-2/videos/teen-mom-2-season-3-ep-1-walk-the-line#talk-it-out

[Phoebe70]

I apologize for not having the exact quote.  It's said by Grace (Leah's daughter) in the 2nd episode of this season.  She opens the fridge, looks around for a drink and said something like, "You don't got nothin' for us to drink!  Dang it, Mom!"  She slams the fridge door shut, then goes outside and dramatically falls to the ground.  Meanwhile Leah is glued to the couch, her eyes glazed and unfocused.

Edited April 22, 2016 by Phoebe70

[BitterApple]

'I am very good at keeping my temper. I don't yell. I never yell." -- Jenelle in Season 3, during a job interview at a day care center.

http://www.mtv.com.au/teen-mom-2/videos/teen-mom-2-season-3-ep-1-walk-the-line#talk-it-out

Fresh out of rehab and she applies to work at a daycare?! Only our Jenelle...

[yuriathewitch]

Jenelle: I'm not hungover!

 

Barbara: Well what are you?

 

Jenelle: I'm tired, I have a headache, I feel like I gotta throw up...

[Katt]

"I feel like I'm about to fill this entire street with uppercut." - David, Jenelle's latest ass-soul mate. 

[ktwo]

"I love my Mom because I can play Grand Theft Auto, and that says the "F" word and the "B" word." 
- Jace, age 6, on last night's after show

[BitterApple]

1 hour ago, ktwo said:

"I love my Mom because I can play Grand Theft Auto, and that says the "F" word and the "B" word." 
- Jace, age 6, on last night's after show

Wow, are you serious? I never watch the after show because the host makes me want to stick a fork in my eye. Should we take bets now on how old Jace will be for his first arrest? I'm guessing 12 or 13.

Is a child cussing considered cute nowadays or something? My parents would've popped me in the mouth if I talked like that. Sheesh.

Edited May 4, 2016 by BitterApple

[ReadMeLattice]

I don't think the swearing is really the issue as much as the rape, murder, sexual assault, racism, and robbery throughout that game. Who the fuck gives that to a 6 year old?!

"They found drug paranalia."

-Nathan, future Ivy grad

[Uncle JUICE]

Another Nathan: "Have you ever heard of parental ellenation?"

[ghoulina]

14 hours ago, ktwo said:

 

"I love my Mom because I can play Grand Theft Auto, and that says the "F" word and the "B" word." 
- Jace, age 6, on last night's after show

 

Thank you for this, because I rewound that scene several time. I could not understand what he said. I just knew it was something to do with the "F" word. How lovely, Jenelle. 

[mywinston]

"Because he's gonna grow up to be a man. He's not gonna grow up to be a...wo-man."- David's revelation.

"I am healthy! I go to the gym two to three times a WEEK. I work out VIGOROUSLY. I drink PROTEIN SHAKES!" - Jenelle, the portrait of health.

"The doctors didn't do a goddamn thing for me... I have restless leg syndrome! I can't even walk right now! Something is wrong with me, I think I have MS, I swear to fucking God!" "Oh, you don't have MS." "Okay, sure. Bye, Mom."  - Jenelle and Barb's exchange, Jenelle hangs up like Barb is the one sounding like an idiot.

"Maybe ya have diabeetus, Junelle!" - Barb, cackling.

"It would be nice if I can just share my stories with you." - Javi. "SO TELL ME THEM. I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND." - Kail, being so warm and inviting.

 

And I'll just leave this here. This all sounds pretty legit, guys, everyone knows Spidey senses and "hard to read good" are symptoms of restless leg syndrome.

 

Edited May 25, 2016 by mywinston

[ghoulina]

7 hours ago, mywinston said:

"Because he's gonna grow up to be a man. He's not gonna grow up to be a...wo-man."- David's revelation.

Because apparently wo-men don't need male role models. 

 

7 hours ago, mywinston said:

"I am healthy! I go to the gym two to three times a WEEK. I work out VIGOROUSLY. I drink PROTEIN SHAKES!" - Jenelle, the portrait of health.

One week later, can't even drive because of a "thyroid problem". 

 

Jenelle - "I can see molecules". Everyone in NC/SC is now trying to find her dealer. 

[DangerousMinds]

We can only hope that the insomnia and hot flashes are due to early menopause!

[Nancybeth]

Jenelle's inclusion of "cannot spell," in her list of symptoms made me legit LOL.

[DoctorWhovian]

17 hours ago, Nancybeth said:

Jenelle's inclusion of "cannot spell," in her list of symptoms made me legit LOL.

And hard to put sentences together. 

She obviously went to web md and just clicked a bunch of boxes. Surprised she's not saying she has cancer.

[MissMel]

I thought she was going to decide she needs a new kidney or two. Or maybe just a few blood transfusions or a couple rounds of dialysis. Something along those lines. I think she stayed away from "the big c" because that would bring too much scrutiny. Usually something blood related tends to not get many questions about details. People don't like thinking about needles. I'm really disappointed she didn't come up with something slightly more clever than withdrawal symptoms.

Uncle Bad Touch seems to be zapping her creativity. She didn't even give her signature "leave me aloooooone!" its trademark emphasis and tone when her mom was over and getting all worked up. I'm used to a bit more dramastical nonsense from lil miss "ya know Juhnelle" and her booooyfriends. 

[neatoburrito]

Caught a season 2 episode the other day and was reminded of this gem - Jenelle rings Barb and says "Hi mom, I'm in jail..." and without missing a beat Barb replies "Well, that doesn't surprise me."

[AhFillAck]

I will forever enjoy Javi's "A fresh of breath air." because I make mistakes like that often! I do ceramics at my kids' school, and when I mean to ask for the "Clay key" at the office, I often say "Cay Kley". Because I'm me, I guess.

[Elizabeth9]

"you're like a hypochondriac, for Christ's sake!" Barb

[GreatKazu]

On 4/20/2016 at 1:16 PM, CofCinci said:

"I've got a cock in my mouth, so I haven't seen Jace in a while."

The best. lol.

Jenelle: "The MTV cameras are here. I have to see Jace. I haven't seen him since last season."

On to a real quote from the episode "While You Were Out".

Leah says to her mom how well she and Cory are co-parenting..

Leah: "We should have been like this 40 COURTROOMS ago."

Edited June 13, 2016 by GreatKazu

[Elizabeth9]

"You have no business worrying about what time you get to school.  You guys just need to...school."  -Leah

[MaggieG]

"I have not touched another man's skins for 2 years. 2 YEARS!!"  - Jenelle, when she's not seeing molecules

[GreatKazu]

After the airing of the Being Barbara special, Jenelle posted this in response:

"Never promoting for another show unless I've saw the episode first. @MTV makes me look so f*cking stupid all time."

[MargeGunderson]

27 minutes ago, GreatKazu said:

After the airing of the Being Barbara special, Jenelle posted this in response:

"Never promoting for another show unless I've saw the episode first. @MTV makes me look so f*cking stupid all time."

Oh, Jenelle, never change.

[ghoulina]

MTV makes her look stupid? That sentence makes her look stupid. 

[ReadMeLattice]

On 8/31/2016 at 0:18 PM, MaggieG said:

"I have not touched another man's skins for 2 years. 2 YEARS!!"  - Jenelle, when she's not seeing molecules

That was so weirdly...intimate or creepy or something. 

[Rebecca]

“I just want some fuckin’ respect, dude.”

- Jenelle Evans Eason, esquire 

(This thread needs to be reactivated, we need some levity up in here! The kids are safe for now! I feel like we can snark for the time being and not feel too terrible about it...despite all that has happened. Oh how I miss the halcyon days of Kieffah and smokin’ weeeeeeed wit her booooyyyfriend.)

Edited May 21, 2019 by Rebecca

[druzy]

Jenelle: No one loves me no one cares about me and my mom never even tells me that she loves me. No one tells me they love me. No one hugs me.

Kieffer: I've been telling you I love you and hugging on you all day.

Jenelle: But before you came along that's how it was. I cried myself to sleep every night.

Kieffer: Well the past is history and the future is a mystery and now is a gift that's why we call it the present.

[Rebecca]

“I’m not going to lie about that, I tested positive for THC and Ensley did not test positive. I did. So CPS [Child Protective Services] were like — I was in the hospital — they said, ‘Did you smoke when you were pregnant?’ I said, ‘I did within the past 30 days. I said I have really bad esophageal spasms and I throw up every 5 minutes, I can’t even eat.’ And they said, ‘Okay, some moms do that. We are not here to judge, we are writing down your information.'”

CPS, not here to judge and down with illegal drug use. She’s so fucking dumb.

[Rebecca]

“That’s mah change jar, Jenelle!!!” - Incredulous random guy friend with a southern drawl whose change jar Jenelle had just hurled at Kieffer.

(someone beat me to this one like 3 years ago on the other page, but it’s my fave)

Edited May 21, 2019 by Rebecca

[Rebecca]

“Oh, by the way, you're a whore." 

-Jo, to Kailyn

[Rebecca]

“I don't feel bad about going out because I’m a teen, and I’m a mother. I make time for myself!!!!!!"

-Guess who

[Rebecca]

“He’s so different from the other men I had been with,” Evans, 25, writes in her memoir. “I finally snagged a good man.”

[FairyDusted]

Good Gravy! I forgot about this thread! UBT....talking about Nathan, something to the effect of ," If he comes at me with talking words, I'll take them as fighting words."

Fucking WHAT? Dumbfuck 

[Kb60]

"If we have a baby we won't have time to argue" Jenelle about Nathan. 

[Rebecca]

“You’re like the worst piece of shit mothah!” 

-Barbara Anne Evans the Third

I also found this thing of beauty:

I would love a comic book graphic novel in this fashion of the early Kieffah episodes.

Edited May 21, 2019 by Rebecca

[druzy]

You know how many people can't see out of their rear view mirror

 Leah responding to Jeremy in the car scene when he couldn't see out of the rear view mirror and everything was falling on Addie.

[TimeToCancelTM]

9 hours ago, druzy said:

Jenelle: No one loves me no one cares about me and my mom never even tells me that she loves me. No one tells me they love me. No one hugs me.

Kieffer: I've been telling you I love you and hugging on you all day.

Jenelle: But before you came along that's how it was. I cried myself to sleep every night.

Kieffer: Well the past is history and the future is a mystery and now is a gift that's why we call it the present.

He was so deep... by far the best she’s ever had! Even with the meth lab. At least he was motivated, remember when he was starting his weed pipe making business? Plus he never beat the kids and wasn’t a racist piece of shit. Oh keefah, how I miss you! Lol

[CandysWrapRoom]

3 hours ago, Rebecca said:

“You’re like the worst piece of shit mothah!” 

-Barbara Anne Evans the Third

I also found this thing of beauty:

I would love a comic book graphic novel in this fashion of the early Kieffah episodes.

best thing I've seen today.

2 hours ago, TimeToCancelTM said:

He was so deep... by far the best she’s ever had! Even with the meth lab. At least he was motivated, remember when he was starting his weed pipe making business? Plus he never beat the kids and wasn’t a racist piece of shit. Oh keefah, how I miss you! Lol

who knew he would be the best of the lot

[Rebecca]

“Y’all sure y’all fine? I just wanna make sure you’re..comfortable.”

-Kieffer, when he met his (temporary) soullessmate, Jenelle, for the first time.

[Rebecca]

“I said if God did not grace her with a vagina in between her legs, I said, I would knock you clear through the fucking wall."

- Nathan Griffith

[Brooklynista]

11 hours ago, Rebecca said:

“I said if God did not grace her with a vagina in between her legs, I said, I would knock you clear through the fucking wall."

- Nathan Griffith

I see why David hates you Nathan😏.

[FozzyBear]

Brianna “Stella’s fine. Nova is my main concern.”

i know she was talking about them meeting her  new boyfriend, but I do feel like that’s Brianna’s general attitude about her kids.