S16.E01: Marry Me in Tennessee

[Elizzikra]

I am not hopeful...

So no product-placed engagement rings this season. I guess that didn't work out so well for last season's couples or for the jeweler. I miss the exchange of gifts between bride and groom before the wedding. Even though I thought they were largely producer-driven, I still liked seeing what they came up with. In Philly, I believe it was AJ who sent Steph a basket of his favorite beers or beers from his favorite cities or something like that. She loved it and it gave her a clue into his real personality (which seems, in real life, to be less jerky than he appeared in their season). 

I thought Kirsten was a beautiful bride and Shaq was pretty handsome too. I don't have a lot of hope for them, but maybe? They seem to share a strong faith and they both seem goal oriented and well educated. I think they may have one of the best chances this season, but that's not saying a lot.

I don't love Clyde? Clod? Clint! That's it! He seems a little arrogant and I definitely don't think he's a match with Gina. They may both enjoy sailing, but he likes actually working the boat and I think she is more "cocktails and charcuterie at sunset" (no disrespect - that's how I'd sail too). No one with nails like hers is actually going to hoist a sail. I think she will take one look at his rumpled, casual, no-tie wedding get-up and decide he's not for her. 

Mack's story is kind of a heartbreaker and I have to think that his ex was dating him and the other guy at the same time and was going to marry whoever asked first. I don't think he and Dom stand a chance at all. I don't think she even really wants to be married; she's only there for a bump in her socials and because mom applied for her.

I think that Chris and Nicole might also have a shot, not because they are particularly compatible but because they both seem to want marriage a lot and both seem willing to compromise, at least a little. Personality-wise, though, I think they are a total mismatch and watching her for even a minute exhausts me. Plus I really have a visceral reaction to anyone who describes himself/herself as "a lot." PTSD from Lindsey (Boston).

Edited January 5, 2023 by Elizzikra

[LennieBriscoe]

Props to Elizzikra for the names! 🤗

Kirsten gave her cheek to be kissed by bald Shaquile. But if she's as shallow as that seemed, I think she'll be missing out on a real catch of a man. 😕

Dom (or "Nique," as her necklace read) was too attracted to that stripper guy, and he was receptive. 😉

Mac ain't over The One Who Got Away. I mean, he still tears up! 😥

Clint to me is a Poor Man's Bradley Cooper. 😊

Keisha KP has one good-looking hubby! 👍

Woot! Let the games begin! 🥳

 

 

[silverspoons]

This episode felt kind of weird in the edit. We saw the typical tell the family, then just one bride picking a dress and then right to the bachelor party and the starting one wedding. I heard there were like 23 episodes, and while I want to get to the weddings fast, Im surprised we missed the dress shopping for the other 4 women and the men picking their attire and the gift enchange before marriage parts. 

I always hope a season will produce good couples and try to forget the last season. How could they match two men that were in relationships and having sex until the day they were told they were picked? and another man having sex in the two week timeframe (maybe the night before, if you believe the after party talk). Did they learn nothing after  DC Katie and Chris and the baby. is it that hard for people really wanting marriage to not have sex for 2 months while in the matching process? 

[Madding crowd]

I’m not up on names yet but I thought the pageant girl/cheer coach and her intended look like siblings. Also the guy who wants to sail and is passionate about life is another Mitch/Steve who is looking for someone to support him. And he said it would be a dealbreaker if he was matched with someone who isn’t passionate about life. Some of us are passionate but also have to work jobs. 

Edited January 5, 2023 by Madding crowd

[Elizzikra]

Quote

This episode felt kind of weird in the edit. We saw the typical tell the family, then just one bride picking a dress and then right to the bachelor party and the starting one wedding. I heard there were like 23 episodes, and while I want to get to the weddings fast, Im surprised we missed the dress shopping for the other 4 women and the men picking their attire and the gift enchange before marriage parts. 

I think they are organizing episodes by couple, rather than by content. So instead of seeing all the dress/tux shopping, then all the weddings, we see all this for one (or two) couples through to the wedding, then the next couple, until we are through. 

Quote

Props to Elizzikra for the names!

I cheated and googled them. I can't remember who any of them are at this point except Clint, whom I don't particularly like. 

[cinsays]

guess i am an old prude but all this talk about penis length and vaginas and the bachelor/ette party crudeness is not appealing.

i think the only person i have any interest in watching this for is Shaq, but i don't think she'll think he's handsome enough - he would be better matched with Gina

good luck to the guy stuck with Nicole and the gal with Clint

[Cramps]

I think this is the overall worst picks of potential spouses of any season. so many of them are obviously not ready for a marriage at first sight. 

-an arrogant woman who is extremely picky about looks and penis size. 

-a 25 year old whose mom applied and who worries about losing her girls nights out (and that was before scenes of her and the stripper)

-a woman who introduces herself by saying “let me know if I’m to much” - although those two might work because they are both so desperate to be married. 

- a man whose sister is adamantly insisting he is not ready or equipped to be married (I agree with her). 

- and pairing a hairdresser with a guy who specifically asks for a natural woman. (No tie at his wedding?)
 

Obviously this show is going to have a low success rate even in the best possible circumstances, but these people are all waving giant red flags! 

 

 

[Retired at last]

I didn't watch much of it or bother to record it, but it sounds like we have couples who are just like all the other seasons. Like the woman who didn't want a bald man matched with someone who is (a la Miles and Karen); the woman who knows and is proud of the fact that she is "too much"( Lindsey, Alexis, and many others). None of what/who I saw was very interesting. 

[suzeecat]

Airris (can't even try to spell it) is destined to FAIL at this!  He admits he's a player but wants to "give this a try" because it's something new.  No, no, NO!!!  This isn't a new dating app, it's serious, for real permanent MARRIAGE.  The first time something happens that he doesn't like, he'll be out of there, and I think he will be one that will NEVER delete the dating apps. 

And, shame on McKinley, Clint, WHATEVER, for showing up to HIS WEDDING looking like he just rolled out of bed.  Back many, many years ago there used to be a board game called something like "Dream Date" where different "boys" were waiting behind a plastic door, and when you got the chance to open the door, you never knew who you were going to get.  One was a handsome fellow in a tux, another a sporty type holding a pair of skis (or tennis racket?).  The "Loser" looked like Clint.  He. Was. The. Loser.  Getting Married.  I can't.  This is the first bachelor that, if I were to see him at the altar, I would seriously turn around and leave. 

There was something about the young one with the curly hair that made me think she is what Mitch might have had in mind.  Pretty girl, natural beauty. 

No shame in wanting to know someone's penis size before committing, but if that's you, this is not the way to find a husband.  She should have been automatically disqualified for that alone. 

I didn't stay up for all of the After-Party episode, but did I hear that there will be two segments, one with women, one following with men?  I like that idea!  I'll hopefully catch up on my dvr soon.

There's my two cents, I'm here for this shit-show!

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, Cramps said:

r

- a man whose sister is adamantly insisting he is not ready or equipped to be married (I agree with her). 

 

 

 

I think that’s actually his cousin…

[Kiss my mutt]

Kirsten said she made sure the experts knew she wanted a guy with big peen and I’m wondering do the experts go off the honor system or do they measure. Those church ladies are some of the rauchiest on these shows. 
 

Dom reminds me of Virginia. The reality of marriage is going to be too much for her. I fear for Chris getting Nicole, the FBI girl. She will be too “full on” for him and her larger than life persona is going to make him shut down. Plus she was so gross at the stripper party. 

[Crashcourse]

Kirsten thinks she deserves Michael B. Jordan (assuming he has a big peen), so I don't think she'll be happy with her husband whose name I can't remember.  

FBI Nicole is too much and not at all pleasant.  

[StatisticalOutlier]

2 hours ago, suzeecat said:

And, shame on McKinley, Clint, WHATEVER, for showing up to HIS WEDDING looking like he just rolled out of bed.  Back many, many years ago there used to be a board game called something like "Dream Date" where different "boys" were waiting behind a plastic door, and when you got the chance to open the door, you never knew who you were going to get.

Mystery Date!  I can still sing the song from the commercial:   "Open the door for your -- sigh -- mystery date."

[spunky]

Before Nicole said she was from Queens, I was getting strong South Brooklyn/Staten Island vibes (also a former NYC resident). Also her mouth goes a mile a minute, she would get on my last nerve. Good luck to Chris.

Shaq is cute and Kirsten is gorgeous. I hope she isn't on Alyssa's level of superficial and is willing to give him a chance. 

Why was Dominique chosen? She's still in her party girl era and is no where near ready to be married. I won't compare her to Virginia for now, I'll give her a two week grace period. 

Arris reminds me of the "men" I used to date when I was the President and CEO of Build-A-Man-Workshop. His closet was bare. Is he another Matt, getting married so that he has a place to stay?

Dollar Tree Chuck Norris (I forgot his name) and Arris seem like they are going to be this season's villains.

[LakeGal]

Why didn't Shaq have his jacket buttoned?  He is at his own wedding and he doesn't button up his jacket.  Was it too small and he could not do it up?

[Shauna]

Domynique calls her mom on her way to work, during her lunch break, and on the way home from work?  And this is a woman who is ready to be married? 

[LennieBriscoe]

If it's the exact jacket we saw Shaq trying on, it's  way too small for him! 

 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

His closet was bare. Is he another Matt, getting married so that he has a place to stay?

I think he has a place to live and other clothes but, red flag - they were with his mom. She does his laundry.

Quote

Dollar Tree Chuck Norris (I forgot his name)

Clint, but "Dollar Tree Chuck Norris" is so apt, I vote for keeping it.

[LakeGal]

I wonder if Dom's mom is sick of her daughter constantly calling her.  Mom wants Dom to get married so she has someone to keep her busy.

 

PINEAPPLE

[silverspoons]

My husband asked me if they said what Clint does for a job? Did I miss it? We heard about his 1,000 hobbies but did we hear his job? I looked up articles that introduce the couples and none list his job (and his wife's job is listed as well as the other particapants). 

 

I hope that Chris is not so wanting to be married he will take less then an ideal match. Chris and Nicole are the one couple I think has a chance or at least are 2 people that seem to want marriage and are committed to the process,  but will it because he lets her get her way and does not want to disagree or even hear the word divorce. 

The other couple I have maybe a small hope for is Arris and Jasmine. I was pretty negative on Keith and Kristine when they were first on and I m glad I was proven wrong. Maybe just maybe Arris and Jasmine could be another Keith and Kristine. She seems committed to the process. He says he is over his California party days. He moved cross country and got some education and a new career. Maybe he does want to settle down and Maybe Jasmine will help him like Kristine did Keith. One thing that stood out on the afterparty, was even though Arris seemed like a player on the show, he did not seem to approve of Clint's bachelor party behavior and lack of committment to the show. Mack kind of laugh about it but Arris seemed to be be more mature and serious. I guess I need to have hope we might have 1 or 2 couples this season that work. 

[Empress1]

56 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

Clint, but "Dollar Tree Chuck Norris" is so apt, I vote for keeping it.

Legit a perfect description. He and Gina aren’t going to make it at all - she’s too glam for him and he’s too outdoorsy for her.

I have the dress, or a dress very similar to, the black and white one Kristen was wearing in one of her opening montages. She’s gorgeous. I think she and Shaq could make it - he’s everything she says she wants, though she’s more attractive. (He’s not bad at all but she’s really beautiful.)

I have a cousin named Dominque so I’m trying to like her, but she’s not ready at all. Her mom signed her up?! On the superficial, her lighter hair color is too harsh. Beautiful smile though. She and Mackinley aren’t a match but she wouldn’t be ready regardless. There’s nothing about her that says “old soul.”

Nicole’s friends don’t know she’s going through this process, so why do they think the cameras are there? I already dislike her. She’s too extra and thinks it’s cute. Chris reminds me physically of Philly Luke and does seem sweet. She’s going to run all over him.

Arris isn’t ready either. His cousin had it right. Pastor Cal was basically like “Arris wants someone hot.” Okay, and…?

[bref]

3 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Mystery Date!  I can still sing the song from the commercial:   "Open the door for your -- sigh -- mystery date."

"Will he be a dream...or a dud?" 

[spunky]

2 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I think he has a place to live and other clothes but, red flag - they were with his mom. She does his laundry.

Clint, but "Dollar Tree Chuck Norris" is so apt, I vote for keeping it.

Dollar Tree Chuck Norris it is.

[Alexander Pope]

When Dollar Tree Chuck Norris (brilliant moniker) asked the other grooms if they were willing to be stuck with one vagina for their entire life, I hated him with the heat of a thousand suns.  And I didn't appreciate Arris's picking up the locution.  

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Chris reminds me physically of Philly Luke and does seem sweet

How so? I don't really have an opinion on Chris yet but I loathed Philly Luke. Easily one of the worst grooms ever on this show.

[Lurk]

6 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Kirsten said she made sure the experts knew she wanted a guy with big peen and I’m wondering do the experts go off the honor system or do they measure. Those church ladies are some of the rauchiest on these shows. 
 

Dom reminds me of Virginia. The reality of marriage is going to be too much for her. I fear for Chris getting Nicole, the FBI girl. She will be too “full on” for him and her larger than life persona is going to make him shut down. Plus she was so gross at the stripper party. 

Speaking of peen size.... I could have sworn she said 8-9 in her original shots. Then on afterparty, she said 6-7? 

I know that in the timeline of the show being discussed on afterparty, they hadn't been married yet. But the time of the filming they are. So why the change in what size she wanted? Shrinkage at the altar?

 

[Mr. Miner]

I imagine if a guy started requesting a specific type of vagina it would probably end up on the editing room floor.

[Empress1]

10 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

How so? I don't really have an opinion on Chris yet but I loathed Philly Luke. Easily one of the worst grooms ever on this show.

I think they look similar - I wasn’t talking about their personalities.

[LennieBriscoe]

12 hours ago, Lurk said:

Speaking of peen size.... I could have sworn she said 8-9 in her original shots. Then on afterparty, she said 6-7? 

I know that in the timeline of the show being discussed on afterparty, they hadn't been married yet. But the time of the filming they are. So why the change in what size she wanted? Shrinkage at the altar?

 

Calling George  Costanza! 

I heard what you originally heard, re: size. 

This show is getting cruder by the season. Shame on me for watching! 🤭🤫😁

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I could have sworn she said 8-9 in her original shots. Then on afterparty, she said 6-7? 

I think she lowered her expectations too. Maybe she did a little research and went with something a little more common?

Quote

I think they look similar - I wasn’t talking about their personalities.

Oh - got it. I have a visceral reaction to mention of some of the grooms - Philly Luke;  Chris (of Chris and Paige), homeless, lobotomized Matt that married Amber (North Carolina, I think); and the arrogant jerk who married Mindy the ice skater in DC. The list goes on but those are the worst off the top of my head.

Edited January 6, 2023 by Elizzikra

[thatsall]

44 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

This show is getting cruder by the season. Shame on me for watching! 🤭🤫😁

I'm not sure anything could get more crude than Justin telling Alexis that her "...pH was off."

What's next.

[Madding crowd]

1 hour ago, thatsall said:

I'm not sure anything could get more crude than Justin telling Alexis that her "...pH was off."

What's next.

Alexis saying he needs to work on his thrusting was right up there!

[Alexander Pope]

2 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

Alexis saying he needs to work on his thrusting was right up there!

She is in a class by herself for the self-portrait of her vagina, the boob sling, and a million other ways in which she flaunted her assets and put down her spouse in the crudest way possible.

Edited January 6, 2023 by Alexander Pope

[Lindz]

On 1/5/2023 at 1:12 PM, spunky said:

Why was Dominique chosen? She's still in her party girl era and is no where near ready to be married

She reminded me of Alyssa. She wanted to hang with the girls too! Dom seriously said she's most looking forward to the bachelorette party & birthday parties. Sounds like she doesn't want a husband then. What a weirdo & she has the worst voice.

[Lindz]

Wow. 2 guys had sex right before they were notified they were matched. YIKES! Airris only put his apps on snooze. Yup. He's committed. I need Olajuwan to freak out on him like he did Katina over her having an app. 🤣🤣 Clint is wayyy too negative with all his what-ifs. Terrible mindset. I wonder if he's already sabotaging with all the negativity. Makes me wonder WHY these fools signed up for this!

Edited January 7, 2023 by Lindz

[Lindz]

Kirsten's picky & doesn't want a bald man. PERFECT CANDIDATE!!! Hopefully she'll give it a chance like Myrla, but I'm doubtful. She's gunna be out at the altar & coast til DD.

[Lindz]

Nicole reminds me of Krysten with her theatrics, but is chatty like Lindy. The other girls need more personality & Nicole needs less. Kirsten & Nicole have weird mouths. So distracting! 😳

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Clint is wayyy too negative with all his what-ifs. 

I noticed that none of his "what-ifs" were "what if she doesn't like me?"

[Lindz]

KKP's husband is on the After-party now?!?! FOR WHAT?!!! So stupid. How is where they got married and who he first told he wanted to marry her about the show?!?!! Is she using the show to find out that information?! Like, WHAT?!! The advice question is always stupid. Advice for the first year was relevant, but doesn't matter if they're already divorced. Advice for embarking their marriage journey? For an experiment that's already over?!! NO! STOP IT! The episode's longer, with more participants and still doesn't address what we want to know. 😒😒

 

Edited January 7, 2023 by Lindz

[Lindz]

Kirsten's dad's not there because he wouldn't take a covid test? I mean, I thought anti-vaxxers were bad, but refusing to take the test?! WTF?! I wonder if that means he won't be on the show at all. Too bad we won't see the stubborn, old, dumb goat.

 

[Lindz]

Not only does Jas have bad teeth, she's also missing a tooth...like her aunt*. DOUBLE YIKES!!! 😬 Where's the preacher father we keep hearing about?? I'm so suspicious of Airris. He doesn't seem to really want to be married & he's hard to look at. Clint is the only guy that's somewhat okay looking.

[Lindz]

Who didn't we see exercising?! It looked like an exercise ad there was so much footage! Them before pics of Nicole! WHAT HAPPENED?!! Covid lbs? Poor thing. I hope her & Chris can get in shape together. Gina's size seems to vary. Guess Clint & Mack didn't need an exercise clip. 😂

[bichonblitz]

C'mon now. Why would the therapists choose a guy that has no clothes in his closet? Just an overnight bag of clothes? He clearly did not live there! So why didn't they dig more to find out what his deal is? Where does he really live? With a girlfriend? Home with mama? On a friends couch?  He is hiding his life and I can't believe he was  matched. I'm already pissed off. 

Edited January 7, 2023 by bichonblitz

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

C'mon now. Why would the therapists choose a guy that has no clothes in his closet? Just an overnight bag of clothes? He clearly did not live there! So why didn't they dig more to find out what his deal is? Where does he really live? With a girlfriend? Home with mama? On a friends couch?  He is hiding his life and I can't believe he was  matched. I'm already pissed off. 

Pepper did ask about the empty closet - that’s when he admitted his mom does his laundry…

[Retired at last]

Sounds like a bunch of winners. I will check here for the comments before I start watching this season. So, the man had NO clothes??? His mother does his laundry so everything he owns was dirty? And they picked him? There you go.

[Starlight925]

There don't seem to be separate "After Party" threads anymore, so I'll post this episode's After Party comments here:

I absolutely freaking adoooore Keisha KP.  And her husband is to die for.  Normally, I hate all the extraneous guests they have on AP, but her husband can stay on all season, as he's not only a super hottie, he had so many meaningful things to say.

One of my favorite things that he & KP said was to Shaq, when his grandmother was brought up.  "If it's for you, it's for you".  I love that, and I do hope for Shaq's sake that this marriage works out, but I don't have hope.  

I think Kirsten has too many particulars, too long of a list, and any man will fall short.  It hurt me to see that Kirsten's dad, who lives across town, wouldn't come to the wedding, and that her own mom wasn't answering her phone, leaving Kirsten on eggshells.  

Kirsten, I'm afraid, is creating a life of perfection to combat a life of insecurity.  When a child is constantly left teetering on uneven ground, they often build a "perfect" life, as "perfect" is absolute.  She has a strict list of X, Y, and Z.  All of these things are planned, they are in concrete, they are sure things, as far as she's concerned, because her own parents are not.

Shaq seems like such a great guy, and I do hope he helps her open up.  Reminds me a bit of Miles & Karen, who may be divorcing.

Edited January 8, 2023 by Starlight925

[Retired at last]

1 hour ago, Starlight925 said:

There don't seem to be separate "After Party" threads anymore, so I'll post this episode's After Party comments here:

That's the plan. There weren't enough different responses to the After Party, so they all go together with each episode.

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 1/6/2023 at 4:08 PM, Alexander Pope said:

She is in a class by herself for the self-portrait of her vagina, the boob sling, and a million other ways in which she flaunted her assets and put down her spouse in the crudest way possible.

Don't forget the plaster cast of her vulva she had sitting out in her living room. 

4 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

her own mom wasn't answering her phone, leaving Kirsten on eggshells.  

What the hell was up with that?  I think she was actually IN THE HOTEL and wasn't answering her phone.  "She's always late."  Fuck "she's always late."  At least answer your damn phone--it's no doubt no more than 2 inches from your hand.  Even if you're waffling on whether to go--answer the damn phone and say you're waffling.  Don't make the poor girl wonder if you're in the emergency room somewhere. 

[Crashcourse]

I think Kirsten's mama just wanted the drama.   

[princelina]

On 1/7/2023 at 12:20 PM, bichonblitz said:

C'mon now. Why would the therapists choose a guy that has no clothes in his closet? Just an overnight bag of clothes? He clearly did not live there! So why didn't they dig more to find out what his deal is? Where does he really live? With a girlfriend? Home with mama? On a friends couch?  He is hiding his life and I can't believe he was  matched. I'm already pissed off. 

Why do we need to waste time with "experts" if the show is not even going to pick people who want to be married?