S13.E12: Is There Someone Else?

[Lindz]

Gil not making a shake for his wife when she asked was whack as hell. Like. Very rude. I don't like that. Why not be kind? I think that definitely cost him some points. Jerk.

[Lindz]

Johnny is a total bitch! He told his wife not to go to the family function. WTF?!!!! OH HELL NAW!! THE WORST!! HOW DARE HE!! STUPID PUNK!

[Lindz]

Did Brett invite Johnny & Rachel, hoping their "love" would rub off on them?? 😅😂

[Empress1]

11 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

How the heck did Ryan segue to "I need my sleep, and nothing good is gonna come from me not sleeping, in any scenario in life"?

Oh, wait; his brain acted as EDITOR. What Ryan thought he was going to say was, "I need to be attracted to a woman I sleep with, and nothing good is gonna come from me sleeping with you, in any scenario in life."

Yeah, he doesn’t want to be the bad guy so he’s not saying outright “I am not attracted to you and I’m not going to be.” He’s framing it as “I’m tormented and can’t sleep so I need to sleep alone so my tossing and turning doesn’t bother you” but they both know he’s tormented over not being attracted to her. I think part of Brett wanting him to just say it is her not letting him off the hook.

[Lindz]

Johnny is sad because his gel really shows his male pattern baldness. 😂😂😂😂

[JocelynCavanaugh]

7 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Rachel's brain is just fine. Preferring a trip to Europe to taking up a hobby in Houston is a plus in my book! 

Maybe Jose can take his vacation time in the summer and travel overseas with his wife. 🛫

Whom am I kidding? White Board Jo$e would never agree! 🗒🖊

I guess I wasn’t clear; I wasn’t implying that she shouldn’t want to go to Europe. It’s just a little troubling that she seems to think her options are “Europe” or “stuck in José’s house all day.” She acted like there were literally no other options for her summer.  Her processing speed worries me. If we’re being chased by javelinas, we only have to outrun Rachel, apparently. 

4 hours ago, Ms.C. said:

Summer isn’t all that long. Usually workshops, still meetings, credentials to maintain.  I doubt she spends the whole summer traveling.  Must be friends to do local stuff. And when kids, she’ll be busy.  I like her. But boredom doesn’t make sense to me.  Maybe just forewarning she expects summer independence. 

It’s strange to me when there are people in education who are so lacking in creativity or seeing possibilities in a situation. That’s usually an important skill in our world. Maybe she was trying to explain some other aspect of the problem but she couldn’t quite get there since the show is only two hours long. 

[Lindz]

Johnny really blew it this episode. Him saying those hurtful things to Pastor Cal was the final straw. HOW is he being desirable? HOW is he fitting an ideal husband? GTFOH!!

[Lindz]

Brett messed up being emotional about being rejected before. Now her husband's too afraid to tell her the truth because he can't handle her being emotional like that.

[Lindz]

Wowwww! Did Michael's sister really say she didn't think Michaela was capable of behaving better??? That really makes me wonder about the people around her who tolerated it. Like the guys. Were they trash too, so they just accepted that bs? 😅 WHAT is wrong those people who just let her be that way???

[Lindz]

No Ryan did not "joke" about washing dishes with a smile if he was married to a Victoria's Secret model!! HOW DARE HE!!! Him & Johnny think wayyyy too highly of themselves. Too many great women must've gone along that shouldn't have. One "date" was too many. 😅

Edited October 7, 2021 by Lindz

[Lindz]

Johnny screaming & cursing in the room while Bao was complaining to the camera... Showed their dysfunction perfectly! 😅😂

Edited October 7, 2021 by Lindz

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Yeah, he doesn’t want to be the bad guy so he’s not saying outright “I am not attracted to you and I’m not going to be.” He’s framing it as “I’m tormented and can’t sleep so I need to sleep alone so my tossing and turning doesn’t bother you” but they both know he’s tormented over not being attracted to her. I think part of Brett wanting him to just say it is her not letting him off the hook.

I thought that Ryan wasn't sleeping well because he was sleeping on the sofa. He wasn't sleeping with Brett because he's not attracted to her but he thought that having a completely separate room would be too hurtful to her, so he was sleeping on the sofa instead of moving into the second bedroom. Whereas Brett seemed to feel like she didn't care if Ryan slept on the sofa or the in the second bedroom; she just cares that he isn't sleeping with her.

Anyway - yeah. He pulled his punches by making this about sleep rather than his lack of attraction to Brett. And I think he is "open" to being attracted to Brett if it were to happen but I also think he knows it isn't going to happen. 

[TeapotWakeen]

2 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

This episode he clarified that she was a liar because he helped.. so she wasn’t allowed to say she cooked gourmet meals.   This is a fault several men have. They deny a wife credit for something that took an hour if they helped for one minute. 

Ugh, people who don't understand emotional labor really frustrate me. Bet ya $100 that Bao planned the meal, bought the groceries, pulled out what needed to be prepped... and because Johnny helped put the salmon on the baking sheet, he considers that "helping cook the gourmet meal."  I have had to work really hard to get my (late) husband and 2 20-something boys to understand the role of emotional labor in the household. Had to stop automatically replacing things that I knew we were out of... had to buy my meals at restaurants when they couldn't figure out what they wanted to eat this week... ONLY buy the items they put on the shopping list even when I know they're wrong. Thank goodness it's worked!! I could more easily deal with a Gaslighter Chris from last season than I could deal with a male like Johnny in a relationship.

Don't think I've seen anyone mention that there MAY POSSIBLY BE a cultural component to Bao's "childlike" enthusiusm. I've hosted exchange students from China, Vietnam, Korea and Thailand, and I've seen this "little girl joy" in young women from each of these countries. Or maybe because they are so young and haven't moved away from what worked when they were in high school. I haven't seen that behavior in exchange students from other countries. Certainly the movies/TV shows I've seen from Korea and Japan model "childlike joy."  No matter the cause of it, Johnny still sucks and is in the Top Five Worst Males on this show, ever.

There was something that I wanted to say about one of the other guys, but my mouth-frothing at the suckitude of Johnny has pushed it away. 😕


 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

There was something that I wanted to say about one of the other guys, but my mouth-frothing at the suckitude of Johnny has pushed it away. 😕

This episode should have been called "The Suckitude of Johnny." Maybe even the entire season...

[Retired at last]

9 hours ago, GettingGray said:

What they need to do is find Rachel several hobbies that she will like and keep her busy during the summer months.

OR, why can't she take a trip to Europe with a friend or even by herself? If that's what she wants to do, and he isn't going to ever do it, then call Olivia and have fun!

[Empress1]

28 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

He wasn't sleeping with Brett because he's not attracted to her but he thought that having a completely separate room would be too hurtful to her, so he was sleeping on the sofa instead of moving into the second bedroom. Whereas Brett seemed to feel like she didn't care if Ryan slept on the sofa or the in the second bedroom; she just cares that he isn't sleeping with her.

Right. The couch vs. spare bedroom thing is immaterial. Brett seemed to be like “I mean, nobody told you to sleep on the couch.” As you say, she only cares that she’s sleeping alone. I feel bad for her - she seems like a really genuine, warm person, and she’s being hurt. I at least think Ryan is upset by the idea of hurting her but if it’s not there, it’s not there.

(Those hanging chairs she & her friend were sitting on were filthy - did anybody else see that?)

Edited October 7, 2021 by Empress1

[JocelynCavanaugh]

28 minutes ago, TeapotWakeen said:

Don't think I've seen anyone mention that there MAY POSSIBLY BE a cultural component to Bao's "childlike" enthusiusm. I've hosted exchange students from China, Vietnam, Korea and Thailand, and I've seen this "little girl joy" in young women from each of these countries. Or maybe because they are so young and haven't moved away from what worked when they were in high school. I haven't seen that behavior in exchange students from other countries. Certainly the movies/TV shows I've seen from Korea and Japan model "childlike joy." 

Maybe, but Bao is American. We also want to be careful about infantilizing or exoticizing Asian women or people as a whole. Japan has a kawaii subculture but they also have plenty of young people who act like adults. Japan and Korea are also really different from Vietnam and Thailand in a lot of ways. 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

(Those hanging chairs she & her friend were sitting on were filthy - did anybody else see that?)

Someone mentioned that upthread too. I was thinking about it since her friend was wearing that nice clean white shirt.

Quote

OR, why can't she take a trip to Europe with a friend or even by herself? If that's what she wants to do, and he isn't going to ever do it, then call Olivia and have fun!

She and Olivia should be travel buddies. Maybe Myrla wants to go too?

I think that Rachel CAN go by herself but I also think one of the things she pictured herself doing with her husband was traveling. Also I think that she is able to travel by taking on credit card debt and Jose is going to have a problem with that. I suppose to some degree that's her choice but I can understand a partner having difficulty with a spouse taking on credit card debt for something that isn't a necessity. It will impact their joint financial picture and goals.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Johnny is the type who would say he is “babysitting” his own children. Have we ever seen him asking Bao what HER needs are?

[Madding crowd]

Can people really afford to spend every summer in Europe? I know I can’t. I think that people with very specific lifestyles need to consider those things before coming on a show like this. Of course there is nothing wrong with travel, but for Rachel to say there is nothing else she could possibly fill her summer with is ridiculous. How about hanging out with friends, taking a class, volunteering, taking up a hobby, etc. I can’t stand Jose but Rachel seems tense and negative a lot.

I felt so bad for Bao when she was told she couldn’t go to the family gathering. So she wasn’t good enough to spend time with Johnny’s family. Johnny has serious mental issues and I hope she quits trying with him. Ryan is another one that thinks he is better than his spouse. He is decent to her I suppose but not really trying to make the marriage work. Gil and Myrla seem kind of fake to me, like they are just pretending for the camera. This might be the first season with all couples deciding to divorce unless the show can talk on of them into hanging in there.

Edited October 7, 2021 by Madding crowd

[Crashcourse]

Johnny doesn't care about Bao's needs.  There's a reason(s) he ghosted her in the past, and now he's (temporarily) fucked for being married to her.  I just wish he'd try to be kinder until Decision Day.  

[Auntie Anxiety]

31 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

Johnny doesn't care about Bao's needs.  There's a reason(s) he ghosted her in the past, and now he's (temporarily) fucked for being married to her.  I just wish he'd try to be kinder until Decision Day.  

Yet it’s okay for him to be having sex with her. 

The three “experts” are more concerned with keeping the show going than in making sure the couples don’t kill each other.

I’m a strong proponent of living within one’s means and keeping credit card debt to a minimum, but if Rachel wants to travel, it’s best to do it before she has a child OR she can put it off because Jose doesn’t want to do it and then resent Jose for the rest of her life.

Edited October 7, 2021 by Auntie Anxiety

[karenbrady]

16 hours ago, Crashcourse said:

Bao and Johnny are truly painful to watch.

Excruciatingly. I enjoyed getting crowns put in more than sitting thru these two.

[Blissfool]

Johnny is trying to out-Chris Chris.

[bichonblitz]

10 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Rachel's brain is just fine. Preferring a trip to Europe to taking up a hobby in Houston is a plus in my book! 

Plus summers in hot, humid sweltering Houston are miserable. I thought Florida summers were bad when I lived there until I went to Houston!  I don't blame her for wanting to go far, far away.  

[evansmom10]

15 hours ago, Straycat80 said:

Oh no, I could not live with someone like Brett who is a slob. I’m with Ryan on the cleanliness thing. 

Agree, and I am someone who can tend toward messy but that bathroom was just NASTY

[LennieBriscoe]

1 hour ago, Madding crowd said:

Can people really afford to spend every summer in Europe? I know I can’t. I think that people with very specific lifestyles need to consider those things before coming on a show like this. Of course there is nothing wrong with travel, but for Rachel to say there is nothing else she could possibly fill her summer with is ridiculous. How about hanging out with friends, taking a class, volunteering, taking up a hobby, etc. I can’t stand Jose but Rachel seems tense and negative a lot.

I felt so bad for Bao when she was told she couldn’t go to the family gathering. So she wasn’t good enough to spend time with Johnny’s family. Johnny has serious mental issues and I hope she quits trying with him. Ryan is another one that thinks he is better than his spouse. He is decent to her I suppose but not really trying to make the marriage work. Gil and Myrla seem kind of fake to me, like they are just pretending for the camera. This might be the first season with all couples deciding to divorce unless the show can talk on of them into hanging in there.

My late husband and I, both teachers, traveled to Europe/UK many summers! A couple summers we did the US coasts, and then, in this century, we vacationed in either Maine or Canada. We simply loved seeing the sights and sites!

The travel bug doesn't bite everybody, but  when it does, friends, classes, volunteering, and hobbies can only calm, not cure, the fever. 

ETA: Cheap NEA flights; have no kids; stay in BnBs, sometimes even the car; eat from store delis or inexpensive restaurants. 

Edited October 7, 2021 by LennieBriscoe

[Madding crowd]

That sounds great for those that can afford it. You probably wouldn’t go on a show to find a husband though because you wouldn’t know if the person you are matched with had the ability or desire to travel every summer. 

[LennieBriscoe]

8 minutes ago, evansmom10 said:

Agree, and I am someone who can tend toward messy but that bathroom was just NASTY

It was bizarrely so. Did Brett not know there are cameras everywhere?! 

Speaking of cameras in the bathrooms: Please, TPTB, for the love of all things sane, do NOT show us again Johnny brushing his teeth! 

[evansmom10]

5 hours ago, Empress1 said:

 

Gil’s friend should have a podcast or be a phone sex operator. He has one of the sexiest voices I’ve ever heard.

That voice was doing "things" to me. Growl. 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Ryan is another one that thinks he is better than his spouse. He is decent to her I suppose but not really trying to make the marriage work. 

I don't know what else he could do to try to make the marriage work. He just isn't attracted to her. What could he do to make that happen?

[Madding crowd]

Well the idea behind this show is that marriage should be about other things than sexual attraction. During this trial period they are supposed to live and sleep together and make an effort to get to know the person and see if they have similar values and goals. Saying you refuse to do that because you don’t like the way the person looks is realistic in real life but why go on a show like this? Almost everyone on this show is matched with an average looking person. If you require Victoria Secret model level of attractiveness, you aren’t going to find it on Marriage at First Sight.

[Boo Boo]

I didn't like Johnny from the minute he was introduced and now I really despise him.  I think in the normal world, Bao would've told him to fuck off by now.  Well, he would've ghosted her b/c he's a jackass.

 

Edited October 7, 2021 by Boo Boo

[Rightside]

I wish I could get interested in this season.

The only couples I pay attention to are Brett/Ryan and Gill/Myrla. 

[greeneyedscorpio]

I just rewatched the scene with the argument (actually the scene where Johnny berates Bao for everything she's not doing) and am more disturbed than I was before.  He asked the "How much are you putting into this" question as a total set-up just to be able to tell her that she's not doing enough.  Then when she defends herself and names the things she's doing, he invalidates it by saying, "that's all stuff I can do myself".  Yeah, Johnny, but now you don't have to because your wife did it for you as an act of service.  It may not be his love language, but it's not nothing.  

Then the classic "you're saying I'm not doing it?" when she names the day-to-day things she's doing to show she cares.   Then he gets angry while she sits there calmly taking his crap.  I wish she'd just leave him.  She will never please him, even if she does the things he thinks she should be doing. 

 

ETA:  He says she never does stuff with him, and that he wants to do stuff with his wife, then goes and uninvites her to his family get-together.  I can't with this guy.

Edited October 7, 2021 by greeneyedscorpio

[mythoughtis]

42 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Cheap NEA flights; have no kids; stay in BnBs, sometimes even the car; eat from store delis or inexpensive restaurants. 

All true.  But the episodes have never once shown Rachel commenting on the possibility of  any of that to Jose.  She’s never been shown being the least bit frugal about any purchase either. 

Some of her comments about the subject to Jose: 

she doesn’t have any savings beyond the mandatory pension deduction from her paycheck.  She got a new ( translation: additional) credit card last year specifically to travel.  She want to spend her money on experiences now and that makes not having any savings perfectly acceptable. She doesn’t know what her credit score is. 

I don’t like Jose, and he is too cheap.  But she’s totally off the chart the other direction. 

[Mr. Miner]

Brett plans a physical outing thinking Ryan will enjoy. She thinks there is no way she can do the first task. She tries anyway and succeeds without a word of encouragement from Ryan. He's just standing there like a fucking robot. 

[Elizzikra]

1 hour ago, Madding crowd said:

Well the idea behind this show is that marriage should be about other things than sexual attraction. During this trial period they are supposed to live and sleep together and make an effort to get to know the person and see if they have similar values and goals. Saying you refuse to do that because you don’t like the way the person looks is realistic in real life but why go on a show like this? Almost everyone on this show is matched with an average looking person. If you require Victoria Secret model level of attractiveness, you aren’t going to find it on Marriage at First Sight.

Ryan is living there (as far as we know) and he is getting to know Brett. He can't make himself be attracted to her. I can understand him not wanting to sleep in the same bed with her knowing that she's attracted to him and he's not attracted to her. He doesn't want to lead her on. 

[Allison1]

17 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

So find something to do.  Take a class, find a hobby, volunteer. 
She said she’s never had a relationship in the summer.  I thought she had previously said she’d dated someone for 8 years? 

I taught school; now I'm a lawyer whose work load usually lulls in the summer (not the last two years unfortunately).  I've always got summer projects lined up.  I feel sorry for her if she doesn't.   

[pdlinda]

2 hours ago, karenbrady said:

Excruciatingly. I enjoyed getting crowns put in more than sitting thru these two.

ESPECIALLY painful when they're displaying physical acts of a "romantic nature,"  I literally cringe because both seem so awkward!

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, greeneyedscorpio said:

ETA:  He says she never does stuff with him, and that he wants to do stuff with his wife, then goes and uninvites her to his family get-together.  I can't with this guy.

And how about HE asks HER to do stuff? He was all, “you don’t tap me when I wake up and ask me to go running with you!” Boy, what? If you want to go for a run with your wife, ask her if she wants to go for a run! Make plans to do that. “Hey, wanna run before work tomorrow?” “Sure!” “Cool, I’ll set the alarm.” Dassit! He seems to expect to be catered to, and he’s not putting in any effort to show Bao he cares about her.

[Kiss my mutt]

Johnny must have been coddled growing up and thinks he can do no wrong. I’m still trying to figure out his appeal. 

[Vanderboom]

4 hours ago, Retired at last said:

OR, why can't she take a trip to Europe with a friend or even by herself? If that's what she wants to do, and he isn't going to ever do it, then call Olivia and have fun!

Rachel can go with Brett; Brett will probably be available this summer. Ryan can act as if he's too noble to fake attraction for Brett, but he's actually insulting her intelligence. She knows you're not physically attracted to her, Ryan. You guys might have a chance at working things out if you stop treating her like she's made of neurotic glass.

Now that I think about it . . . what exactly happened with Brett on the airplane? It seems like that is where this battle was lost.

3 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Johnny is the type who would say he is “babysitting” his own children. Have we ever seen him asking Bao what HER needs are?

He is. Apparently, Bao is being a terrible wife by cooking, cleaning, memorizing his family's Mandarin names, and spending time with Johnny. Instead, she should come up with activities that neither of them normally do, cook for him by herself, and be solely responsible for making sure Johnny is never bored. He pretty much wants a sexy Camp Counselor with no needs of her own. Good luck, guy. As Pastor Cal said, have a funeral for your Ideal Wife and join the rest of us on Planet Earth.

[Auntie Anxiety]

16 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Johnny must have been coddled growing up and thinks he can do no wrong. I’m still trying to figure out his appeal. 

I figure all the women he dated became “incompatible” when they told him they wanted HIM to do something for THEM and he thought that that was simply unacceptable. 

[Crashcourse]

3 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Yet it’s okay for him to be having sex with her. 

And she knows he ghosted her in the past, yet she's ok being filmed crawling all over him.   She could have declined having sex.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Just now, Crashcourse said:

And she knows he ghosted her in the past, yet she's ok being filmed crawling all over him.   She could have declined having sex.

Yes, plenty of bad decisions to go around.

[kristen111]

20 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Johnny is so angry all the fucking time. What is his problem??? He's like a toddler having a tantrum.

He didn’t want her in College, and doesn’t want her now.  He wants out.

[glitterpussy]

I know when someone insinuates I don't shower enough, calls me a liar and flat out says they don't like me, that really puts me in the mood to flirt and initiate romance! I can't even make the caps big enough--FUUUUUUCK THAT GUY BAO!  Although I kinda agree with the poster who said she is playing this for the victim edit. Who is THAT understanding?!

Love that greasy old Myrla is a dog person now. Who could NOT love Hype, what a good boy.

Zero interest in Jose and Rachel anymore. I shrieked at the closeup of his horrid lips drinking wine.

Still waiting for the return of Hurricane K. She's such a fakeity fake liar to her sister. Sis knows it too.

I have the most thoughts on Brett and Ryan!  That bathroom was disgusting.  That is a turnoff for sure. And she really is TOO eager, she should play it cool a little bit.  But damn Ryan, come on man! TELL HER WHAT IS UP.  Enough with the word salad and I'm sleeping on the couch for your benefit, wtf was that. It's clear from his convo with his sis that he thinks she is ugly and he'll NEVER change his mind.  It pisses me off because he is NO prize and I think Brett's cool, but he's a shallow motherfucker, what can you do? I can see why Brett's frustrated. Like, I get he doesn't want to hurt her feelings but what's his endgame--just stay married to her forever and sleep in separate bedrooms to avoid that conversation? You want the cowboy Barbie. Fine. Say it, own it, live with the consequences.

Edited October 7, 2021 by glitterpussy

[Crashcourse]

3 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Speaking of cameras in the bathrooms: Please, TPTB, for the love of all things sane, do NOT show us again Johnny brushing his teeth! 

I don't want to see any of these people brushing their teeth.

[bichonblitz]

3 hours ago, evansmom10 said:

Agree, and I am someone who can tend toward messy but that bathroom was just NASTY

Not only that, she had towels and clothes all over the floor of the bathroom and closet. I bet she throws wet towels on the floor and dirty clothes on the closet floor and picks them up and wears them again.  I don't see her as the type that does much laundry. 

Why couldn't Pastor Cal ask Johnny what he is doing for Bao instead of letting him ramble on about everything that is wrong with Bao? The poor girl was in tears and he sits there stone cold. I also can't stand their bedroom pillow talk. Uggggh! Yes, Johnny, I will try to get up earlier so I can have coffee with you. WTF????