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Tastes Like Feet!: Your Kitchen Disasters

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The muffin tin sounds like a good idea.  I didn't know you could bake falafel, I always pan fry it - so we hardly ever have it. 

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Too bad you can't find a way to remodel your kitchen and keep your vintage oven. I have a Chambers Range, something like this one here: http://antiqueappliances.com/graphics/products/chambers/1952_c_model_gas/1.jpg. I don't know its exact age, but it's been in the house as long as I can remember and I'll turn 60 this next year. A few years ago I took a tour of Georgia O'Keefe's house outside Santa Fe and saw the same one. Still going strong. If it ever does give up the ghost, I think I'll go into mourning.

That is the oven setup I remember from my childhood and covet. I am so envious Greekgeek!

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The muffin tin sounds like a good idea.  I didn't know you could bake falafel, I always pan fry it - so we hardly ever have it. 

 

Looks more like a falafel cake/flat falafel than more "traditional" round balls.  I think I might parboil it next time.  It TASTED falafel-like based on the spices I used, but the texture was just...wrong.  Oh well, at least the quinoa taboulleh turned out.

 

That is the oven setup I remember from my childhood and covet. I am so envious Greekgeek!

 

What's that on the left of the burners?  Is it a warming tray?

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For those of you looking for a 40" electric stove they are getting harder to obtain. I just took delivery on one yesterday that I ordered before Thanksgiving. It is a 40" electric Frigidaire that I was no longer able to order from Sears, Fridgidaire or through my long time appliance repair man. I went online and ordered from USAppliance.com.. So they are still available but hard to come by

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mbaywife123, thanks for the info! I'm going out tomorrow to check out the Sears appliance store here for one, so that's good to know. Do you have to have an electrician hook it up for you? I heard they don't always come with cords/plugs.

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Emma675, Sorry for the late reply. Yes, you are correct that electric stoves do not come with an electric cord (neither do garbage disposals, go figure!). My appliance man will hook this up along with the new 42" hood fan that I purchased for the rental property. We're you able to find the stove?

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Emma675, Sorry for the late reply. Yes, you are correct that electric stoves do not come with an electric cord (neither do garbage disposals, go figure!). My appliance man will hook this up along with the new 42" hood fan that I purchased for the rental property. We're you able to find the stove?

Anyone looking to install a garbage disposal with an electric chord, look into Waste King brand sold at Wal-Mart. I wasn't about to pay an electrician $80 to spend literally 30 seconds to install another disposal, but was not comfortable without an electrical cord. Waste King was the only brand I found that fit the bill and it works perfectly.

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mason lamps, Thanks for the info, with the amount of rentals we have our handyman knows to remove the cord from the old one and install with the new one. One other lesson learned over the years is never to buy anything off of the shelves from Home Depot if the box has been opened as there are always parts/pieces missing!

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This isn't me, but my mom tells of a friend's relative whose husband didn't understand all the fuss about the Thanksgiving turkey. The wife said, "fine, you cook it."

 

He put the turkey in the microwave.

 

Heh. The real trick was getting the turkey to perch on the little turntable. 

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When my family gets together for a weekend breakfast or brunch, I just buy a Starbucks Traveler for the coffee.  Last time I noticed that on the top of the traveler the warning "Do Not Microwave" was printed.

 

I'm guessing someone tried with bad results.

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Yeah, it's generally a bad idea to microwave anything that's sealed in an airtight container. Unless you like cleaning food explosions out of your microwave, that is.

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This wasn’t so much a disaster as a comedy of errors.  I made a cheesecake for a potluck, with ridiculous results!

 

First, I had to make a cranberry  sauce to swirl on top. I had wondered if there would be frozen cranberries at the store and there were, but only in a really big bag (I only needed 1 cup) and they struck me as pricy, so I decided to try making a sauce out of frozen cherries I already had.  The recipe said the sauce would be like “loose jam”, mine was more like a syrup (maybe a jelling problem with no cranberries?).  I’m thinking I should have boiled it longer to get it thicker, or added some cornstarch?  I went ahead and used it and it did make very pretty swirls.

 

The crust came together fine, but it was tricky to get the whole bottom of my springform pan covered, which made me wonder if I was using the wrong size pan?  I didn’t measure it, I only have the one springform pan.

 

Then it turned out the springform pan was too big to fit in the one deep pan that would have worked for a water bath, so I elected not to use one.

 

As for baking it… the crust had to be baked briefly first, that went fine.  Except what I think happened is I took the crust out of the oven and automatically turned it off.  And then forgot to turn it back on when I put the assembled cheesecake back in, probably because I got a blast of residual heat when I opened the oven door.  So after 30 minutes when I went to check it, I was thinking “wow this has not set up at all!” and then I looked up and discovered the oven wasn’t on – oops!  Turned it on and set the timer for 30 minutes.  It still wasn’t set up after 30 minutes, added some time but also looked at the recipe and found out I’d flipped some times, 30 and 45 minutes are not the same (good thing it wasn’t the other way around!).

 

Needless to say, the cheesecake ended up fairly dark around the edges, sunk in the middle and had a bunch of big cracks in it.  I texted a picture of it to a friend to ask if she thought it looked too bad and should I put a layer of ganache on top to hide the flaws?  Elected not to and took it to the potluck anyway, it tasted fine, but was nothing amazing.

 

The other funny thing is that this isn’t the first cheesecake baking debacle I’ve had!  The other one was more of a timing problem though, because I had planned to bake it on a Friday night for a friend’s birthday on Saturday, and based on some events/ carpooling I didn’t get home to get started on it until something like 11 p.m.  And had to bake it that night so it would have enough time to set up in the fridge.  Late, crabby night on that project!

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Last weekend I tried braising an oxtail.  The recipe I was using called for five pounds of oxtails, three large carrots, four shallots and half a bottle of red wine.  I didn't have five pounds of oxtails, and I used the whole bottle of wine plus two cups of water because I looked at the liquid level after half a bottle and said "Are you kidding?"

 

Three hours of simmering later, I had shallot-and-wine jam stuck to the bottom of the pot, with carrots and oxtails stuck in it. What was salvageable was tasty, but my entire apartment smelled like simmering wine for three days (until I made garlic shrimp, which took five minutes and came out marvelous).

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Not sure where to post this so I'll ask here.

I've started making my own dry ranch mix for salad dressing instead of buying the dry packets from the store. With the store bought packets I add the mix, 1 cup of mayo and 1 cup of milk. About an hour in the fridge thickens it up nicely. With my homemade packets of ranch I add the same ingredients and it never thickens up. It's th consistency of water. What's going on here? I'm tired of throwing out watery salad dressing (yuck!)

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Not sure where to post this so I'll ask here.

I've started making my own dry ranch mix for salad dressing instead of buying the dry packets from the store. With the store bought packets I add the mix, 1 cup of mayo and 1 cup of milk. About an hour in the fridge thickens it up nicely. With my homemade packets of ranch I add the same ingredients and it never thickens up. It's th consistency of water. What's going on here? I'm tired of throwing out watery salad dressing (yuck!)

Add some cream of tartar?

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I actually tried a buttermilk/mayo combo once and it turned out just as watery.

I tried sour cream and milk one time and it was so thick I couldn't get it out of the bottle.

What kind of additives do they put in the packets that make it so different than the homemade version?

Ranch dressing is its own food group in my house and it's bothering me that I can't get it right anymore.

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If you used a lower fat buttermilk, that might be a contributing factor.

Most recipes I've seen use some combination of mayo, sour cream and buttermilk although the ratio is all over the place. Also you may need to add a touch more buttermilk before serving if you need to adjust consistency - all the chemicals in the store bought ones probably do this automatically.

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If you're trying to do it at home, you might want to try Arrowroot* , Mountain Air, the thickening agent in most ranch dressing packets is Xanthum Gum.  

Here's a list of substitutes for that, Mountain Air, some are best used in cooked products as they are activated by heat (cornstarch tends to be under that category, by the way) .  

 

*Sorry, you know I actually meant Agar Agar  vs. Arrowroot, as I haven't actually used Arrowroot outside of baking, so I don't know if i is highly dependent on heat.  Agar Agar has worked for me as a sub but it is a pain in the butt to find, but you can usually get it at Vitamin House).  The easiest one is going to be gelatin, by the way.  

 

I just tend to discount it because it isn't vegetarian, but good ol' Knox gelatin may be what you need. 

Edited by stillshimpy
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I've seen xanthan gum at my local Price Chopper. I believe that Bob's Red Mill makes it. It didn't seem like it was very expensive.

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Here are the ingredients of  Hidden Valley Buttermilk Ranch Mix:  Salt; Monosodium Glutamate; dried garlic; modified food starch; dried onion; maltodextrin; spices; less than 2% of guar gum; buttermilk; calcium stearate; natural flavor (soy),   There are at least three thickeners in there - maltodextrin, modified food starch, and guar gum -- so no wonder the commercial product is so thick.  (And no wonder you're making your own from scratch.)  

 

I would bet either xanthan gum or agar would work, or maybe both; but I believe people who are allergic to shellfish are warned to stay away from agar, just in case that's a factor.  

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Thanks for the input guys! I'll let you know if something works! Of course, DH has the simplest answer, just add some sour cream!

I think I'm just frustrated that I can't have friggin decent consistency of my favorite product in the world. I eat salad everyday but have had to stop because I can't get my stupid ranch dressing right and I'm tired of wasting so much in the process!

It's not even like I'm an über healthy person but I'm trying to make small steps and this feels like a setback. I know, it's just ranch but ranch is a serious part of my life!

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I'm thinking corn starch might work better...

Seconded! Corn starch is my go-to thickener, because it doesn't affect the taste and is totally smooth. Just dissolve it in a tiny bit of hot water so it's a paste, and then add that into your recipe.

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Try freezing it. My mom did that with a chocolate pie that didn't set up once. It still wasn't quite right for a chocolate pie, but it wasn't runny, and it still tasted good.

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emma675, the only thing I can think of is -- and I know you followed the directions EXACTLY - , did you make sure it reached a boil and boiled for two minutes?  For some reason, I believe a corn starch slurry must boil in order for the corn starch to thicken whatever you're cooking.  I haven't made this, I haven't baked in a while, but that's just my shot in the dark.  I hope this gets figured out -- the recipe looks tasty.

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Thanks, harrie! I did make sure it was a full, roiling boil for 2-3 minutes, but maybe I need to double that? Or maybe it needs more cornstarch than it calls for? It was a damn good coffee cream soup, though, it had amazing flavor. I just would like to try it in a tart form at some point, lol!

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Silly question, but you've checked the expiration date on your cornstarch, right?  That's not a lot of cornstarch for that recipe, so I'd suggest increasing it by half, as well as making sure you get a good cook time on it.  Try making sure you're using a fresh bag of flour and check your cornstarch expiration.  Also, it's going to visibly thicken in the pot.  It won't be stiff, but it will be slightly beyond the old "coating the back of a spoon".   You should see some drag marks (not extreme but visible, where it takes the parted liquid just a tiny lag to fall back in on itself....not quite ribbon-stage, but close to that viscosity ) .   

Hold on while I get you a link :-)    Here, now clearly this is a different recipe entirely, but if you check the visual on the lemon filling, you'll see about the consistency, while hot that you'll be looking for in your coffee custard :-)  

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Over in the "Say What" thread, Rick Kitchen mentioned the Honey Baked Ham commercial about how it's better than your mama's ham.

 

It reminded me of the Gallery of Regrettable Food, a website that snarks on old cookbooks & food advertising.  If you decide to visit, my humble recommendation is to save "Aunt Jenny's Real-Life Stories" for last; I laughed until I cried.

 

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/

This seemed like the closest appropriate spot for this.  I totally found it abhorrently delightful. 

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I love that site. The Aunt Jenny part was hysterical.

 

With some of those recipes, they were decent enough, but due to bad photography they looked awful.

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I love that site. The Aunt Jenny part was hysterical.

 

With some of those recipes, they were decent enough, but due to bad photography they looked awful.

I love it too, and I agree that the recipes are probably badly photographed rather than really bad. Cream sauce really gets Lileks going with the gross-out snark, but it doesn't taste bad once it's seasoned. I do wonder, though--did anyone really cook and serve those weird jellied main dishes?

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I love the Gallery of Regrettable Food (and the whole site, for that matter)!

 

I know I've posted these kitchen disasters somewhere, but obviously not on this thread (probably somewhere on TWoP at some point).  Anyway, here's a couple of mine:

 

I made a gray cake once.  I was making a blackberry layer cake from scratch and didn't know (I blame it on the fact that I was a newbie in scratch baking and the recipe didn't specify), but I didn't know that you should gently fold the blackberries into the batter.  Well, I put those berries in the bowl and mixed the heck out of them.  The batter turned out gray, but I baked it anyway.  I forget what type of frosting I put on it, probably cream cheese.  I took the cake to work anyway, because I hated to throw it out (it tasted good, even if it looked moldy).  Everyone liked it (I work with people that'll eat anything left in the break room).

 

One time I was making spaghetti sauce.  The bubbling sauce spit at me and burned me on the wrist.  I instinctively jerked my arm back (the one holding the wooden spoon).  I slung spaghetti sauce across the stovetop, the wall and the ceiling.  I had to get a ladder to clean it all up. 

 

A friend of mine made some banana punch for a party once (it tasted better than it sounds).  For some reason, she sealed up the remainder in a big empty plastic jug (like you would find mustard in at restaurant kitchens).  She left it on the counter for days and days before she decided to open it instead of just throwing it out.  Well, the bananas had--I guess--fermented and it exploded all over her kitchen when she took the top off.  I wasn't there when it happened, but she told the story well.

 

Finally, not a kitchen disaster, but I had always avoided making any type of soufflé, because I know that they don't 'keep'.  You have to eat them immediately.  I'm sure that's true of some of them, like cheese souffles, but I took a chance and made a chocolate soufflé (full-sized recipe, not mini ones in ramekins) because I really wanted to try making one.  Well, of course, I had tons left over, and I put the dish in the fridge just because I hated to throw it out.  The next day I tasted it and it tasted like chocolate mousse.  I ended up eating all of it.

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(I work with people that'll eat anything left in the break room).

Ditto! To test this theory, I brought in brown bread in a can (I got acquainted with this culinary wonder on an episode of "Chopped"), sliced it up, displayed it on a platter and left it in the break room. It was gone by mid-day lol

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I made a gray cake once.  I was making a blackberry layer cake from scratch and didn't know (I blame it on the fact that I was a newbie in scratch baking and the recipe didn't specify), but I didn't know that you should gently fold the blackberries into the batter...

Reminds me of a dish I deliberately made once for a Halloween party. It looked like rotten meat with eyeballs and tendons in slime. It was actually beef marinated in teriyaki with some green food coloring, stir fried with green onions and oyster sauce, and garnished with some plastic eyeballs from one of those Halloween shops that pops up every year. Half the people who saw it refused to have anything to do with it, the other half raved about how good it was. I found both responses gratifying.

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I once followed a recipe that required that I roast dry chilies. I left them on slightly too long and we choked on chili pepper smoke. It took a good while to clear out all the smoke.

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I once followed a recipe that required that I roast dry chilies. I left them on slightly too long and we choked on chili pepper smoke. It took a good while to clear out all the smoke.

 

I'll bet everyone's sinuses were nice and clear, though!

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Finally, not a kitchen disaster, but I had always avoided making any type of soufflé, because I know that they don't 'keep'.  You have to eat them immediately.  

Speaking of which, there was a first-season episode of Hart to Hart called "A Question of Innocence," and in that episode was a scene where Max (Lionel Stander) made a cheese souffle. He said to the Harts, "This cheese souffle is gonna tickle your tummies." When it came out, he said, "This must be eaten moments after it cools." Unfortunately, the Harts were called away before they could eat it, and the souffle fell in. Max said to the souffle, "I know just how you feel." 

 

That episode aired Jan. 15, 1980, and here it is from YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkUvDlQxC6Y&list=PLsMlLgUZAMwIjPoDkHUXO68YqzLPVw8Pl&index=12

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Ive done what probably most people have done, tried to take the pizza out of the oven and managed to turn it upside down all over the rack and into the gas burners.  And I like a lot of cheese.

 

For the past 25 years I've always cooked my rice in the microwave.  No burner underneath to scorch, built in timer.  Well, of course one memorable day I didn't double check the cooking level was turned down to 2 after I set the time and the broken, tarred pyrex dish was too hot to move for a good long time and had to be thrown out.  I sure hate losing old dishes that were better quality than now. 

 

One time I made homemade yogurt and put it into sterilized canning jars that sat on the counter overnight and set up perfectly per directions.  Then I was too scared to try them.  I've never had yogurt turn out that well again.

 

I guess the saddest thing is I have 4 quarts of homegrown strawberries and raspberries from last summer and never got around to making jam, having trouble with the math on the pectin.  Not sure why, I did it the year before and it turned out great.  Probably have to waste them now.  I'm bad.

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Not necessarily a disaster, but I had a pouch of oatmeal cookie mix that I needed to use because it had been in the pantry for a while.  I went online to find something easy to make with it (instead of just the cookies).  I have some recipes in my 'cook these one day' pile that use the mix, but I didn't have all of the ingredients and didn't want to go to the store.  I found a recipe online for 'Oatmeal Lemon Bars' that looked pretty tasty, and I had all of the ingredients.  It called for the mix, with butter cut in and then an egg added.  You put half the mixture in a square baking pan and bake for 15 minutes.  In the meantime, you take a can of condensed milk, 1/4 c. lemon juice, and lemon zest and mix.  You pour that mixture on top of the hot crust and sprinkle the rest of the cookie mixture on top (like a streusel), then bake.  Well, when I opened the can of condensed milk (one that i'd had for a while in the pantry) it had turned to dulce de leche.  I know that unless the can is pierced or is dented, it's generally okay to eat--it just looks different and the taste has changed.  I went ahead and baked them and they tasted okay (but they definitely aren't 'lemon bars').  So, I'm taking them to work tomorrow and will advertise them as 'Oatmeal Dulce de Leche Bars (with a touch of lemon)'.  I do want to make the original version soon, though.  They looked good on the website.

 

I did remember a kitchen mess I had one time.  It wasn't a cooking disaster, but I reached into the fridge one time to get out a pitcher of iced tea.  The handle broke off and the pitcher spilled all over the inside of the fridge--and I mean everywhere!  What made it worse was that it was sweet tea (so sticky) and it was a full pitcher.  At least the pitcher was plastic or I would have had broken glass to clean up.  As it was, I had to take everything out of the fridge and clean everything off.  Then I had to wipe out the entire fridge.

Edited by BooksRule

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I would totally eat a gray cake if it was blackberry! I love blackberry anything. Hell, I'd probably even eat it if it was blue (I don't eat blue food - yes, it's weird).

 

My kitchen disaster didn't taste weird, but I certainly made it wrong. My mom's favorite cake was pineapple upside down cake. Well I decided to make it for her one year for her birthday, sans instructions (I'm a pretty good baker). Well, I didn't know that you put the pineapple and cherries in the pan, then poured the batter on top. Instead, my dumb ass puts the batter and proceeds to place the fruit, ever so lightly (because it kept sinking!) on top of the batter. After a couple of tries, with battery fingers to prove it, I got it in the oven. Then I pulled it out to find no fruit - it had, predictably, settled into the center of the cake. My family laughed so hard that they started choking.

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Wow, no kitchen disasters in two months? Never fear, PTV-ers, I have a good one for ya! Today's Dad's 86th birthday, so I asked what dessert he wanted. He said a lemon icebox pie. I decided to make a diabetic-friendly one so Mom and my sister (not diabetic, but she watches her sugar closely) could enjoy it, too. I blended a can of evaporated milk, half a pack of sugar free cheesecake pudding mix, a block of low-fat cream cheese, and a bit of lemon juice. I poured it in a graham cracker crust and chilled it a few hours.

 

The pie never set up, so we ate it with spoons. Everyone but me thought it tasted good (I don't like artificial sweeteners), so I'll leave the rest for them and just eat the dark chocolate-covered cherries I got in my stocking. And the shortbread cookies one of my Sunday School kids gave me.

This reminds me of a recipe I did for my volunteer tester for America's Test Kitchen for Key Lime Pie. One of the ingredients was sweetened condensed milk, and I used evaporated milk. Needless to say, the result was a disaster.

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Well, it is a standing order in my house now that I do not make the gravy for our Sunday dinners, even when I'm hostess. Let me tell you how this order came about:

Gravy Attempt, Family Dinner #1: Used gravy browning to colour gravy - turned out to be essence of ginger instead. (Same type of bottle.)

Gravy Attempt, Family Dinner #2: Used cornstarch to thicken gravy. Once gravy bubbled up like a volcano experiment in fourth grade, realized I'd actually used baking soda.

Gravy Attempt, Family Dinner #3: Used all the right ingredients. Thickened with flour this time. Gravy coming along nicely, but needed a bit more thickening. So I did it up, poured it in - only to see a dead earwig pour into the gravy along with the flour mix.

I know when I'm beaten.

Edited by Miss Dee
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I saw Giada make sweet potato gnocchi once, and I thought it sounded so good, so I tried it. Complete disaster. They were like little hockey pucks and did not taste good at all, I thought because I had to add so much flour because the mixture was so sticky and impossible to roll out. Tried them again a couple months later. I let the sweet potatoes cool for awhile, so the dough would be easier to work with, and it was, but they still came out like little hockey pucks. I gave up.

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Was just making some panfried noodles to use up some leftover pork and veggies before they went bad. In my hurry, I didn't remember that the new white pepper I bought has a fliptop; if you unscrew the lid the entire bottle top is open,  i poured about 1/3 of the bottle into my veggies.  I got as much out as I could which meant sacrificing about 1/2 the veggies.  

The noodles were pretty good despite being excessively peppered.

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DeLurker:  I've done that too.  One thing I've done with a chicken seasoning container that I use for a lot of things is I adhesive-taped the "pour" side so it only gets used when I really want to pour a specific amount out.  This way I now can grab it and when I flip it open, it's just the side with the tiny holes.  It may be a different bottle that the one you had your incident with but it's along the same lines--potential disaster just waitin' to happen :>)

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Tonight I made two new recipes for dinner:  Shrimp Moqueca, and Grilled Corn & Bean Salad.  The bean salad is from Valerie Bertinelli and is wonderful (maybe because I subbed black-eyed peas for the chickpeas).  The lime vinaigrette dressing is delicious.  The shrimp dish (can't remember where I found it, maybe the NYT?) needed help: some garlic powder, Mural of Flavor, and at the last minute I tossed in some shredded Parmesan.  I wish the shrimp I used were better (frozen organic from Wegman's and not the greatest).  Next time I make this recipe I'll be more careful buying the shrimp.  It really does have potential (the sauce was excellent after the extra seasonings & cheese were added).

Awww...DeLurker.  So sorry to hear you're still suffering :>(

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12 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

The bean salad is from Valerie Bertinelli and is wonderful (maybe because I subbed black-eyed peas for the chickpeas).  The lime vinaigrette dressing is delicious.

This does look really good.  I'm a big fan of chickpeas, so I would go with it as is.

My problem would be that I love salads like this, and because my kids wouldn't be too into it, I would end up either making way more than I need, or EATING way more than I need.  

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