S03.E16: Highway to Hell

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

Destinie's court date leaves her in tears; Maurice's move stuns Jessica; Kristianna is a fugitive.

Oh no!  Poor, dear, sweet Destinie is in tears.  Please don't let them be tears of joy.   We've had enough of her rage. 

Fringe-laden John goes on a Kristianna hunt.  Will his Daniel Boone-like tracking skills be used? Is that why he wears that terrible jacket? Should we get him a coonskin hat? 

Methinks Jessica is easily stunned so that little tip tells me nothing. Jessica is stunned when she sees a squirrel sitting up, when the buzzer on the drier sounds, when the sun rises in the morning. Jessica is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Original air date 2020.10.30

[hookedontv]

3 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

Methinks Jessica is easily stunned so that little tip tells me nothing. Jessica is stunned when she sees a squirrel sitting up, when the buzzer on the drier sounds, when the sun rises in the morning. Jessica is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Dead. 💀

[OoogleEyes]

9 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

 when the buzzer on the drier sounds, 

Hey, I have to admit, that sometimes stuns me, too

[1011101010001]

At least we were spared Flappy this week.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

2 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

At least we were spared Flappy this week.

There was probably a strong wind so Flappy is busy weighting himself down so the wind doesn't get under his flap and send him air born. Dumbo had his ears; Flappy has his flap.

[Darlabutterfly]

MrBuhBye said: At least we were spared Flappy this week.

Something got stuck to my tire this week and as I was driving it was flapping. All I could think about was Flappy.

[Adeejay]

Dylan has been out for two days and Heather almost killed him twice. He was safer in prison. 

When Quaylon told Shavel that he was going to Houston and that it wasn’t up for debate, I got the feeling he wasn’t planning on returning. 
 

[Auntie Anxiety]

12 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

When Quaylon told Shavel that he was going to Houston and that it wasn’t up for debate, I got the feeling he wasn’t planning on returning. 
 

So did Shavel.

[mamadrama]

Okay, Heather, when the producers of a trashy reality show think you're acting crazy it might be time for some self reflection.

[RealReality]

LOL....this show never fails to entertain.  

I love Quaylon's mom.  She seems to have built a nice little life out in Texas and while I appreciate that Quaylon wants to keep his word to Shavel, I dont think she should have ever put him in the position to be in an insta-family the minute he got off of a 12 year stretch.  That is her son and she need to try to steer him to what she feels is right, and I agree with her.  Staying in Kansas City, where he got into trouble is a bad idea.  Living off of Shavel is a bad idea.  The pressure of an insta-family is a bad idea.  Shavel's dress is a bad idea.  

I'm confused as to why anyone thinks Quaylon is in demand.  He has no job, just got out of jail and has face tattoos.  I predict we meet some sad women desperate for a literal fifteen minutes on TV.  

Also - he wants to be a rapper and only wants to cut hair on the side.  Goodness.  

LOL, Destinee could not be any less into Shawn if she tried.  The entire walk in the park she looked pissed off that he was simpering all over her.  He seems annoying.  

I'm glad Tyrice found a girlfriend.  I wonder if she saw the blue suit.....it seems like the sort of thing he'd wear to an art gallery.  New girl looks pretty rough, but they seem happy.  I cannot believe any woman wants to hear about how a man chewing on a toothpick is gonna "tear her ass up" later, but a lid for every pot and Im' glad he found his lid.

Why does Heather always have to leave the house looking like a goth party video vixen circa 1995?  Like if she wanted to do her hair and makeup, maybe just throw on some cute sweats or something, why you wearing heels to take him to the DMV?  And why did you think that declaring he was a recently released felon was going to help anything.  Like "oh, well I won't let these law abiding citizens take the test, but you're just out of jail.....you can cut the line!"

Edited October 31, 2020 by RealReality

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, mamadrama said:

Okay, Heather, when the producers of a trashy reality show think you're acting crazy it might be time for some self reflection.

Were they telling him to stay out of the car because Heather was clearly insane and they were concerned for his safety or did they just want to get the interview?  I'm so used to thinking of reality show producers as unconscionable monsters, but it sincerely sounded like they were concerned. 

I say it jokingly, but there is a part of me that truly believes Heather would run that car into a wall as a desperate act of murder/suicide.  

Whoever gave or loaned her that car needs to take it back.  She is a menace and I'm surprised she hasn't seriously injured someone yet in a car accident.  

 

[RealReality]

As for the Jessica/Maurice nuptials, is it just me or did that chapel/venue look particularly cheap and cheesy.  I think its fine to embrace kitcsch and camp and do a cheesy Vegas wedding.  But its kind of embarrassing to try to do some glam and classy high brow event in some strip mall chapel.  

Jessicas dress was also a bad idea. 

[mamadrama]

1 hour ago, RealReality said:

Were they telling him to stay out of the car because Heather was clearly insane and they were concerned for his safety or did they just want to get the interview?  I'm so used to thinking of reality show producers as unconscionable monsters, but it sincerely sounded like they were concerned. 

I say it jokingly, but there is a part of me that truly believes Heather would run that car into a wall as a desperate act of murder/suicide.  

Whoever gave or loaned her that car needs to take it back.  She is a menace and I'm surprised she hasn't seriously injured someone yet in a car accident.  

 

Between them interrupting her and asking her to let it go during #makeupgate and them asking him not to get in the car I think a big part of them was legitimately concerned. I wonder if the drug rumors are true and if they were afraid of culpability should Dylan get hurt. In the reality TV days of yore they wouldn't have given a shit. Things have changed in the past few years, though. If he still got into the car then at least for legal reasons they got themselves on camera asking him NOT to. 

I can't believe that in 48 hours she drove like a demon and almost killed him, threw a shit fit at 80yo Aunt Diane and accused her of trying to steal Dylan, almost killed him by driving down a one way street at a breakneck speed, and publicly fought with him after she made him late to the DMV.

I'd rather return to prison.

[SevenCostanza]

I thought it was so weird that Destiny and company were having their lunch on the benches right outside the courthouse. 

Heather is freaking insane.  She gets so angry over absolutely nothing then drives like a lunatic.  I'm not surprised she's got that big dent on the front of her car, I feel sorry for anyone getting into an accident with her.   Dylan needs a safer place to parole to, she's bad news.

I think Shavel has seen the last of Quaylon. 

 

[Pepper Mostly]

5 hours ago, RealReality said:

Why does Heather always have to leave the house looking like a goth party video vixen circa 1995?  Like if she wanted to do her hair and makeup, maybe just throw on some cute sweats or something, why you wearing heels to take him to the DMV?  And why did you think that declaring he was a recently released felon was going to help anything.  Like "oh, well I won't let these law abiding citizens take the test, but you're just out of jail.....you can cut the line!"

I don't believe that Heather owns any sweats, cute or otherwise. She owns only spandex dresses that will fit easily in a number 10 envelope. But I agree, even the Girls Next Door didn't dress like tarts all the time. And that was their job! 

All these people are living in Felon World. Their reality's been skewed. Shavel's whole world has been Quaylon; going to visit him in jail, writing to him, dealing with the prison system's restrictions and rules. They've both been in jail. And of course, there's the whole "good girl who loves a bad boy" persona. Shavel's another, like Andrea, like Jess, like stupid Cabbage Patch Sarah, who are in love with the idea of being a bad boy's moll. So they LOVE saying "he just got out of prison!". It makes them edgy and worldly and streetwise. 

Heather is in a class by herself. I've seem some crazy over my reality TV watching career--I mean, I've watched Bridezillas. I've watched The Surreal Life. I've watched Flavor of Love. But I have never seen crazy like Heather's crazy. That woman needs a straitjacket and a Xanax smoothie.

[1011101010001]

I was wondering if production told them to call it the DMV because in Illinois you get your license from the Secretary of State.  On other shows they use the term district attorney even though we don’t have those here.  I used to think the writers didn’t know this stuff but now I think they don’t want the majority of viewers confused.

[1011101010001]

7 hours ago, RealReality said:

I'm glad Tyrice found a girlfriend. 

When she was seated at the restaurant at first glance I thought it was Caitlin Jenner.  She is either older than him or has had a rough life (well we know she did time).

[1011101010001]

7 hours ago, RealReality said:

 

Whoever gave or loaned her that car needs to take it back.  She is a menace and I'm surprised she hasn't seriously injured someone yet in a car accident.  

There was body damage to the front passenger side.

[Persnickety1]

1 minute ago, MrBuhBye said:

When she was seated at the restaurant at first glance I thought it was Caitlin Jenner.  She is either older than him or has had a rough life (well we know she did time).

Well, come sit by me, because as soon as it showed her face I told Mini Persnickety, "Call me Caitlyn!"  

Girl looked and sounded rough.  

7 hours ago, RealReality said:

Were they telling him to stay out of the car because Heather was clearly insane and they were concerned for his safety or did they just want to get the interview?  I'm so used to thinking of reality show producers as unconscionable monsters, but it sincerely sounded like they were concerned. 

I say it jokingly, but there is a part of me that truly believes Heather would run that car into a wall as a desperate act of murder/suicide.  

Whoever gave or loaned her that car needs to take it back.  She is a menace and I'm surprised she hasn't seriously injured someone yet in a car accident.  

 

I got the feeling it was concern because they saw she was spiraling out of control.

I think they were probably hoping to do his interview and let her calm her ass down before they drove off.  Maybe they'd already viewed the dash cam footage from the day before when he had to get back to meet with the parole officer.  

And to whoever speculated that perhaps this story unfolded so quickly that they can only show small bits at a time, I believe you're correct.  I can't believe all of this insanity has happened over a 36-48 hour period.  

That's a whole lotta crazy in a short period of time.  

3 hours ago, SevenCostanza said:

I thought it was so weird that Destiny and company were having their lunch on the benches right outside the courthouse. 

Heather is freaking insane.  She gets so angry over absolutely nothing then drives like a lunatic.  I'm not surprised she's got that big dent on the front of her car, I feel sorry for anyone getting into an accident with her.   Dylan needs a safer place to parole to, she's bad news.

I think Shavel has seen the last of Quaylon. 

 

The little town down the hill from me has their beautiful park right across the street from the police station.  Crazy, but there's never any criminal activity in the park.  

[1011101010001]

Destinee has said a few times that she prefers being in prison so her meltdown seemed less than convincing.

[Persnickety1]

2 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Heather is in a class by herself. I've seem some crazy over my reality TV watching career--I mean, I've watched Bridezillas. I've watched The Surreal Life. I've watched Flavor of Love. But I have never seen crazy like Heather's crazy. That woman needs a straitjacket and a Xanax smoothie.

And even more frightening...

Spoiler

We know it's not acting because he actually did have to take out a restraining order against her.  

 

[sempervivum]

'Your look is EVERYTHING' says Qualude. Good luck with that rap 'career', little almost-30-year-old Urkel looking dude with big alien skull. 

Glad to see Tyrise has settled (for now) on an age-appropriate big ol' ass. How does he talk, eat and slide a toothpick in and out of his mouth at the same time?

I didn't get the whole DMV scene with Heather/Dylan. Here in my city, there are 5 locations you can choose from, and there are a couple in nicer suburban-ish areas that sensible people go to; we also check hours online and get there in plenty of time for testing. Why were there a bunch of potential test-takers hanging around the back door like day laborers waiting to get chosen for work in the parking lot of Home Depot? I was amazed at the DMV person going outside and yelling that they were done with testing for the day, and everybody waiting grumbles and acts surprised. Can this possibly be how they run this place? Oh, wait, it's Illinois.

Jessica has legs like tree stumps; why does she insist on making me look at them? When Maurice picked her up, my husband murmured, 'Wow, he must be really strong'. I bet she'll gain 100 lbs with the pregnancy. Maurice acts like the middle school's favorite class clown. He's excited when everything is fun (house, car, wedding and ring that somebody else is paying for); bet his personality will take a dark turn once Jess and her parents start making demands on him.

We didn't actually see Density accept Shawn's proposal, did we? He looks like a rat, with those projecting dentures (or whatever they are), the whiskers, and the beady little black eyes.

[heatherchandler]

35 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

I was wondering if production told them to call it the DMV because in Illinois you get your license from the Secretary of State.  On other shows they use the term district attorney even though we don’t have those here.  I used to think the writers didn’t know this stuff but now I think they don’t want the majority of viewers confused.

I live in Illinois and I call it the DMV.  I’m trying to figure out which location they were at, maybe the one in Melrose Park?  Or did that close?  It looked like they were driving down 290.  From the looks of the neighborhood I’d guess Aunt Diane lives in Berwyn.

[Persnickety1]

11 minutes ago, sempervivum said:

We didn't actually see Density accept Shawn's proposal, did we? He looks like a rat, with those projecting dentures (or whatever they are), the whiskers, and the beady little black eyes.

Not sure if that was autocorrect or intentional, but it's positively brilliant 😂

[1011101010001]

13 minutes ago, sempervivum said:

Can this possibly be how they run this place? Oh, wait, it's Illinois

Yeah those are mostly patronage workers. When George Ryan was SOS before he was governor they pressured employees to purchase tickets to fundraisers so there was a lot of bribery such as unqualified people paying to get commercial trucking licenses.  Then the employee would use the bribe money to meet their fundraising quota.  But yeah they are pretty surly at some of the offices:

7 minutes ago, heatherchandler said:

I live in Illinois and I call it the DMV.  I’m trying to figure out which location they were at, maybe the one in Melrose Park?  Or did that close?  It looked like they were driving down 290.  From the looks of the neighborhood I’d guess Aunt Diane lives in Berwyn.

In my experience mostly transplants do.  But I guess in certain families or towns it may differ.

[Keywestclubkid]

Heather takes her time getting ready and makes him miss getting a license she knows he needs to stay out of jail and she has the nerve to get mad at him??? this nut job needs therapy stat 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Keywestclubkid

[sempervivum]

53 minutes ago, Persnickety1 said:

Not sure if that was autocorrect or intentional

Oh, I've been automatically George McFly-ing the word 'destiny' for the last 40 years.

[heatherchandler]

1 hour ago, MrBuhBye said:

 

In my experience mostly transplants do.  But I guess in certain families or towns it may differ.

Lived here my whole life, in the suburbs (Hinsdale) and in the city in my 20s.  Even in college, in Illinois we called it the DMV.  I’ve heard people talk about the downtown location as the Secretary of State but rarely.

[1011101010001]

Some things are neighborhood quirks. Like we call the expressways by their names (Kennedy, Edens etc.) while some people say 94 or 290 etc.

[Keywestclubkid]

The Dylan I was so comfortable with over the phone in person is super judgy... and it doesn’t feel like I’m with the same person......

well Heather it was your fault for him missing out on taking the test ... you even said in the car they stop testing at a certain time and smiled. You fucked him over and didn’t give a shit you nut bag.  Your own family can’t be around him without you getting super jealous and you freaked out because producers wanted to talk to him and stomped away like a 2 year old. I’m sure he didn’t know he was dating someone who has multiple personalities himself...Good God she is like a women who kill episode on ID just waiting to happen. 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Keywestclubkid

[Auntie Anxiety]

3 hours ago, sempervivum said:

Glad to see Tyrise has settled (for now) on an age-appropriate big ol' ass. How does he talk, eat and slide a toothpick in and out of his mouth at the same time?

I couldn’t follow the Tyrice—Not Caitlyn Jenner dinner theater conversation because I kept asking myself, “Wait, is he eating something? Or is he just chewing on a toothpick? Is he doing both? Are my eyes deceiving me? Why can’t I stop looking at his mouth? What the hell?”

[WahooLAH99]

12 hours ago, RealReality said:

As for the Jessica/Maurice nuptials, is it just me or did that chapel/venue look particularly cheap and cheesy.  I think its fine to embrace kitcsch and camp and do a cheesy Vegas wedding.  But its kind of embarrassing to try to do some glam and classy high brow event in some strip mall chapel.  

Jessicas dress was also a bad idea. 

I am almost positive that last room was the same place Colteee and Larissa on 90 day Fiancé got married in. So it must be a popular cheap place to get married in Vegas!

[psychoticstate]

Heather is nuts.  I think she wants Dylan back in prison, where she doesn't have to worry about Aunt Diane or other women and can be the only female in his life.  I hope he gets away from her and gets his life straightened out -- because if he stays with her, his best option is returning to prison.

I wanted to smack the shit out of Destinie or Destinee or however she spells her name.  (I like the poster who used Density, far more appropriate).  Yeah, Density -- it's not worth getting your shit together because now you have to pay for what you did in the past.  First, how exactly have you gotten your shit together?  You're not working, you're not contributing to society in any way or atoning for your crimes.  Secondly, you don't get to walk because you're so, so sowwy.   She might have made a better impression arriving more than THREE MINUTES before the start of your hearing and dressing in a bit nicer outfit that hides your horrible prison tats.  

Shawn is a fucking moron.  He and Cabbage Patch Sarah would be a great match because they're both idiots.  I'm trying to understand why Shawn is so enchanted by this tatted up Oompa Loompa.   I hope Shawn's baby mama kicks Density's ass up and down the street next week.  

I feel sorry for Kristianna.  LAL is making Dubuque seem like an absolute drug-infested shithole.  

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Destinie:  Ugh, Shawn wants to walk by this river or some shit . . .

Shawn: Marry me

Me: Way to read the room moron!

Tyrice's new lady friend has a bit of meth mouth going on.  I guess when your idea of romance is describing tearing up someone's ass including comments about it starting out tight and not being tight when you're done, your dating pool is greatly reduced. 

[Andyourlittledog2]

Tyrice thinks he is sex machine.  I am guessing he is not. Also, eww.

My fave line of the night was Dylan: 'I've had some high maintenance girlfriends before but this is next level shit.'    I'm with those who think Heather likes Dylan better either in bed or in prison where no other females can see or get to him.  Run Dylan, run!

Forgot to mention that Dylan said that if crazy means great sex then I guess the sex is...great? Meanwhile Heather is disturbed that Dylan seemed 'distant' during sex.  He was probably scared.

Destiny doesn't even try to act like she likes Shawn. At all. And he just tries harder to please her. I detect a serious masochism streak in this guy.  He lives to be dominated. His poor kids. Can you imagine having sex with him long enough to produce even one?  That we would be even hinting at a catfight over this loser astonishes me.

When Shavel was standing in that doorway I was nervous and looking for the knife she was gonna use to make sure Quaylon didn't leave her. I think he was kinda nervous too.  He needs to cut that clinging mastadon out of his life stat.  And way to tempt him back from Texas. honey.  I'll bet he can't wait to get back to your pissed off entitled face and the insta family you demand he father.  Run Quaylon, run!

Edited October 31, 2020 by Andyourlittledog2

[RealReality]

27 minutes ago, Andyourlittledog2 said:

Tyrice thinks he is sex machine.  I am guessing he is not. Also, eww.

My fave line of the night was Dylan: 'I've had some high maintenance girlfriends before but this is next level shit.'    I'm with those who think Heather likes Dylan better either in bed or in prison where no other females can see or get to him.  Run Dylan, run!

Forgot to mention that Dylan said that if crazy means great sex then I guess the sex is...great? Meanwhile Heather is disturbed that Dylan seemed 'distant' during sex.  He was probably scared.

Destiny doesn't even try to act like she likes Shawn. At all. And he just tries harder to please her. I detect a serious masochism streak in this guy.  He lives to be dominated. His poor kids. Can you imagine having sex with him long enough to produce even one?  That we would be even hinting at a catfight over this loser astonishes me.

When Shavel was standing in that doorway I was nervous and looking for the knife she was gonna use to make sure Quaylon didn't leave her. I think he was kinda nervous too.  He needs to cut that clinging mastadon out of his life stat.  And way to tempt him back from Texas. honey.  I'll bet he can't wait to get back to your pissed off entitled face and the insta family you demand he father.  Run Quaylon, run!

Like who wants to talk about sex when you're at dinner!?!?!?  Not me, let me eat my burger in peace dude!

Never forget, Shavel also has the lure of that $5000 truck.  You know, the one she is paying insurance on and he cannot even drive, to get to a job he doesn't have?  I felt the weight come off of Quaylon's shoulders as soon as he got into that van.  

 

Edited October 31, 2020 by RealReality

[1011101010001]

2 hours ago, Andyourlittledog2 said:

Meanwhile Heather is disturbed that Dylan seemed 'distant' during sex.  He was probably scared.

She probably says weird shit like am I a good girl daddy.

[Mothra]

On 10/30/2020 at 10:12 AM, PrincessPurrsALot said:

Fringe-laden John goes on a Kristianna hunt.  Will his Daniel Boone-like tracking skills be used?

I want him to kneel, grab a fistful of fresh spoor, sniff it, and tell us how far away she is.

[Mothra]

17 hours ago, RealReality said:

I cannot believe any woman wants to hear about how a man chewing on a toothpick is gonna "tear her ass up" later

That toothpick chewing.  And when he takes a drink, he tucks it under his tongue or something; anyway, it disappears and I think maybe he's swallowed it, but then it pops back out.  Is chewing on a toothpick like sending women photos of your dick?  Is any woman attracted by that?  I think it's one step away from keeping a Qtip stuck in your ear--you know, just in case you have to get something out of there.

[Phoebe70]

Did my eyes deceive me, or was Tyrice eating dinner with a toothpick dangling out of his mouth? How does one even do that? In earlier episodes I thought he was a somewhat normal, decent-looking man. Yeah, the blue suit was hideous but I can overlook that. I actually felt bad when Chonda ghosted him. 
 

Then we see him with his new hooker, I mean girlfriend, and he’s talking about her big ass and how he wants to “tear it up” and I realized he’s just a skanky perv with a butt fetish. 

[Mothra]

8 minutes ago, Phoebe70 said:

Did my eyes deceive me, or was Tyrice eating dinner with a toothpick dangling out of his mouth? How does one even do that? In earlier episodes I thought he was a somewhat normal, decent-looking man. Yeah, the blue suit was hideous but I can overlook that. I actually felt bad when Chonda ghosted him. 

He has had that fucking toothpick in his mouth since day one, I'm sorry to report.  Maybe it's a medical condition, and it's a hinge for his tongue.

I would never, ever date a man, even Brad Pitt, who kept a toothpick in his mouth like that.  And I mean it.

[renatae]

If she's your Destinie, Shawn, you're screwed.

[Adeejay]

3 hours ago, Mothra said:

I would never, ever date a man, even Brad Pitt, who kept a toothpick in his mouth like that.  And I mean it.

I could make an exception for Brad Pitt, Colin Firth and Jon Hamm.

[Empress1]

15 hours ago, Andyourlittledog2 said:

Destiny doesn't even try to act like she likes Shawn.

She can’t stand him. She doesn’t even try to hide it.

Hesther is terrifying, and really immature. Why is she in cocktail attire and full makeup (excessive makeup) to go to the damn DMV, when all she would be doing is sitting there waiting for Dylan to do what he has to do? It would be one thing if she wanted to look cute in her license picture* but to just sit there? And if she was going to do all that, she could have gotten up early. Dylan wasn’t kidding when he said they were late because of her. They’re the Cheryl & Josh of this season.

*My driver’s license picture is really good. Neutral day makeup and I had a good hair day! I wore jeans and a t-shirt though, not a cocktail dress. Does heather not own any regular daytime clothes?

[Pepper Mostly]

28 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Does heather not own any regular daytime clothes?

She, like Darcey and Stacey, has to be fully decked out in her slutwear at all times. Imagine waiting in line at the DMV and seeing Heather bearing down on you. 

[Empress1]

2 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

She, like Darcey and Stacey,

Who?

[AZChristian]

17 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

She, like Darcey and Stacey, has to be fully decked out in her slutwear at all times. Imagine waiting in line at the DMV and seeing Heather bearing down on you. 

I'd be pretending to text while snapping pictures and posting them on Facebook.

[OnceSane]

25 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Who?

Twins on the 90 Day Fiance franchise.  They stay dressed for the club...and have had more plastic surgery than Kim Kardashian.

[sempervivum]

The Heather we're seeing in the talking head segments-plain brown soccer mom hair and no makeup-has to be 'Heather on her meds', right?

[AZChristian]

9 minutes ago, OnceSane said:

Twins on the 90 Day Fiance franchise.  They stay dressed for the club...and have had more plastic surgery than Kim Kardashian.

You left out the word "each" . . . LOL.