S11.E09: Opening Up Is Hard To Do

[becauseIsaidso]

I went back to the match-up episode just to see if it could shed some (albeit production driven) light on a couple of things. One thing that really jumped out was some early life info they gave on Bennett - specifically how his mom wrote the plays and on stage he played the part of Bennett and his mom played the part of Bennett's mom in whatever plot she had written, so even as a little kid he was in a way 'performing' his own life - maybe that's why it may look as if his participation in MAFS is just another performance. I still don't get that vibe from him, but I can see how others do. Another thing he was specifically asked (which was only shown when the terrible three were selling their choices) was if he had the flexibility to move if his partner's situation required it. He did not appear at all unreceptive to that  possibility and his body language, facial expressions and voice did not, to me, show any deception or waffling.

One other thing that came up was with Miles - he was talking about himself and indicated that since his career has him interacting with kids so much, he does sometimes have a rather lighthearted approach/attitude, but has shown the dedication and effort to make solid career path preparation and choices and do what he needed to enhance his ability to be successful.

I just didn't feel very convinced by their reasons for putting Karen with him - none of them had the level of sincerity or enthusiasm they had expressed for some of the others. I did note that Karen gave off a much congenial/upbeat vibe during the pre-match segments of her.

I wanted to smack Cal for dismissing Henry's preference for women with a smaller frame - they all admitted to knowing how 'reserved' Henry is, so they ( especially sociologist Pepper) should also have realized that he may have felt the way he stated it was enough for the experts to pick up on. I'm shallow enough to have spoken up during a selection process and given both age and height as deal breakers (him older and taller) because deviation these two details have always bothered me and I'm sure I've lost out on some potentially great relationships because of it. If someone has to ask you if their height or age bothers you, that vibe has already been given and the hurdle is up.

[qtpye]

14 hours ago, Lindz said:

How much physical attraction matters depends on the person. These people have to choose to try to build a marriage with their match. Most don't. Simple. Some still have that single person mindset: looking for reasons to end it. The WORST! 

It is very annoying that people who have rigid physical standards for attraction come on this show, but it seems to happen every season. I also think people lie in the interviews about how flexible they are with attraction because they get caught up in the excitement of being on a crappy reality show with a bad track record.

That being said, Henry straight up told them his preference and they ignored it. I could understand it if Christina was amazingly patient or had a very warm personality, but that is not the case. They said they thought her diva ways will make Henry more assertive....which I do not quite understand. Christina also does not seem to like Henry, whose personality is much too passive for her.

I think Olivia wanted a man to share her life and Brett said they would vacation and eat out, only on her dime, not his. I think Olivia wants to share expenses (though I might be wrong) and Brett wants to keep them separate, because he does not like her "lavish" ways. Olivia said that she specifically asked for a man to share her lifestyle with her and the panel seemed to ignore this...mostly because they both had cats?

If Karen wanted a Chris Brown type physically (who is actually 1 year older than her), then cuddly huggable Miles just might never do it for her. Truthfully, Miles deserves better.

By the way, I think Chris Brown stepped out on his girlfriend and had a baby with another woman.

2 hours ago, becauseIsaidso said:

I went back to the match-up episode just to see if it could shed some (albeit production driven) light on a couple of things. One thing that really jumped out was some early life info they gave on Bennett - specifically how his mom wrote the plays and on stage he played the part of Bennett and his mom played the part of Bennett's mom in whatever plot she had written, so even as a little kid he was in a way 'performing' his own life - maybe that's why it may look as if his participation in MAFS is just another performance. I still don't get that vibe from him, but I can see how others do. Another thing he was specifically asked (which was only shown when the terrible three were selling their choices) was if he had the flexibility to move if his partner's situation required it. He did not appear at all unreceptive to that  possibility and his body language, facial expressions and voice did not, to me, show any deception or waffling.

One other thing that came up was with Miles - he was talking about himself and indicated that since his career has him interacting with kids so much, he does sometimes have a rather lighthearted approach/attitude, but has shown the dedication and effort to make solid career path preparation and choices and do what he needed to enhance his ability to be successful.

I just didn't feel very convinced by their reasons for putting Karen with him - none of them had the level of sincerity or enthusiasm they had expressed for some of the others. I did note that Karen gave off a much congenial/upbeat vibe during the pre-match segments of her.

I wanted to smack Cal for dismissing Henry's preference for women with a smaller frame - they all admitted to knowing how 'reserved' Henry is, so they ( especially sociologist Pepper) should also have realized that he may have felt the way he stated it was enough for the experts to pick up on. I'm shallow enough to have spoken up during a selection process and given both age and height as deal breakers (him older and taller) because deviation these two details have always bothered me and I'm sure I've lost out on some potentially great relationships because of it. If someone has to ask you if their height or age bothers you, that vibe has already been given and the hurdle is up.

I think Bennett looks at life as a performative adventure, but that does not mean he is not sincere in his actions. Also, this experiment has been nothing but a win for him. He seems very happy to raise children and keep the home. Amelia earning a nice living as a doctor will also allow him to pursue his creative interests, without worrying about how the bills are going to be paid 

Also, some people might not find Amelia's grooming appealing (neither is his) but Bennett seems to be quite attracted to her physically.

I think there are some ladies in his circle who are little crushed that Bennett is getting along so well with his wife and are going to be very sad when he moves away. That is on them, not Bennett.

[Kira53]

2 hours ago, qtpye said:

It is very annoying that people who have rigid physical standards for attraction come on this show, but it seems to happen every season. I also think people lie in the interviews about how flexible they are with attraction because they get caught up in the excitement of being on a crappy reality show with a bad track record.

I think Bennett looks at life as a performative adventure, but that does not mean he is not sincere in his actions. Also, this experiment has been nothing but a win for him. He seems very happy to raise children and keep the home. Amelia earning a nice living as a doctor will also allow him to pursue his creative interests, without worrying about how the bills are going to be paid 

Also, some people might not find Amelia's grooming appealing (neither is his) but Bennett seems to be quite attracted to her physically.

I think there are some ladies in his circle who are little crushed that Bennett is getting along so well with his wife and are going to be very sad when he moves away. That is on them, not Bennett.

The best part is that Amelia will have no problem being the main or even only breadwinner because it mirrors her parents relationship and she actually was looking for someone like this. Bennett and Amelia have stars in their eyes when they look at each other. In addition Bennett said that in the past he's sometimes presented his what he thought the other person would want him to be like. But since they're married he doesn't feel the need to curate his presentation and so he's really more of his best self and it's quite apparent that Amelia likes that best self.

Many women can adjust to a physical appearance that is not their ideal in a partner. I hope eight weeks is enough time for Karen to make some adjustments and for her to have made enough progress that Miles will still be all in. I'd rather be loved pretty soon in a new relationship but growing to love someone tends to be the longer proposition. If you fall in love at first sight, the relationship has nowhere to grow except down when you get to know the person. There may be more people who grow out of love what is instantaneous often because you're in love with how someone looks Without knowing much about their inner workings.  I think Karen will keep trying and that there are some editing monkeys that are making look things a little worse than it really is. 

[princelina]

On 9/12/2020 at 8:04 PM, TheMediumBopper said:

I'm tentatively raising my hand to join the not-really-crazy-about-Bennett-and-Amelia club either. I don't dislike them, and I don't think they're phony, but I do think they probably signed on for this due to whimsicality rather than because they were really hungering for a life partner. They're being a little performative with all of this because that's fun for them; I don't have a problem with that. But I almost get more of a brother-sister vibe from them than a romantic partner/spouse vibe. You know those brother-sister duos that are so closely bonded that it's a little... creepy? That's the kind of brother-sister vibe I get from them.

People mentioned above that we have never seen Christina/Henry or Brett/Olivia kiss.  Have we seen these two kiss?  She's given him some snuggly hugs and he said they had sex, but I agree with you that they don't have a romantic or sexual vibe at all.

On 9/12/2020 at 9:04 PM, configdotsys said:

I don't think Karen is "lucky" to have been paired with Miles. She said from the get go that he was not her type so that, to me, makes her unlucky. That is not to say that there is anything wrong with Miles, but it does not appear that he is going to be able to "flip her switch" (c.Jasmine). I think he's a very nice guy, good looking and has a lot to offer a relationship but having all those things does not mean that every woman will be attracted to you. 

If this show hadn't so blatantly sold out on its original premise - 2 people who had tried everything to find love and were now giving this a try to see if "experts" could do better than they had - then I would say she was lucky to get a nice spouse who wanted to try.  I think we tend to say that someone on this show is lucky because we are harking back to that original premise.

5 hours ago, qtpye said:

I think Olivia wanted a man to share her life and Brett said they would vacation and eat out, only on her dime, not his. I think Olivia wants to share expenses (though I might be wrong) and Brett wants to keep them separate, because he does not like her "lavish" ways. Olivia said that she specifically asked for a man to share her lifestyle with her and the panel seemed to ignore this...mostly because they both had cats?

I feel like Brett said if she wanted lavish vacations and expensive wine, he couldn't afford it, and she made no offer to pay for the fancier things for both of them, so he told her she'd be on her own 😄  I don't think they communicate well, or at least they don't on camera, and his sarcasm paired with her lack of humor doesn't help.  I think he's somewhat amusing but I wish he'd read the room and see that she doesn't.  It looks like he's going to piss me off next week though 😄 

Edited September 14, 2020 by princelina

[becauseIsaidso]

On 9/11/2020 at 8:29 PM, spunky said:

I have a sliver of hope for Christina and Henry. Now that she explained why she's so impatient.  

I think Karen and Miles will make it. I call producer shenanigans with how Karen comes across sometimes. Miles was doing so well until he took her sarcasm too literally. 

Woody/Amani,  Amelia/Bennett continue to warm my heart.  For a minute I thought Bennett had covid when Amelia was saying how sick he was.

 

I wondered the same about Bennett's illness - and given the time frame as this season seems to have started when NOLA was having less than summery temps, and given the HUGE influx of tourists to NOLA (been there, done that LOVED IT!!!!) Bennett may very well have had one of those very early cases that often happen before anyone really knows that there is a serious something to worry about.

[LuvMyShows]

On 9/10/2020 at 11:56 PM, Yeah No said:

Today nobody thinks less of anyone with ADD.  

On 9/9/2020 at 11:29 PM, humbleopinion said:

ChristinA’s mom attitude about meds is wrong headed especially guilting her daughter over them.

I find it unlikely that "nobody" thinks less of anyone with ADD, but I know for darn sure that there are lots of people who judge those who choose to medicate for ADD.  If ChristinA, a grown woman, really caved on taking meds because her mommy didn't want her to take them, then that really seems to show her insecurity and lack of self-certainty and agency, which she desperately tries to hide behind her bitchiness.  That is consistent with her having dated these previous guys who flatter her initially, get into a volatile relationship (as she described to Henry) that she keeps going back to, and of course they don't send flowers (which she apparently has been unable to tell them that she would like).

On 9/10/2020 at 10:16 AM, Empress1 said:

The whole swamp tour, I was thinking about Tiffany Haddish's story of taking Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith on a swamp tour. 

Tiffany's story was hysterical...I had never seen the clip before.

On 9/10/2020 at 2:01 PM, dirtypop90 said:

It’s been offensive to hear that when a black woman says she wants a masculine man that must mean she wants a “thug” as if there aren’t masculine black men who are good men like a Barack Obama type. Assertive, confident, leader etc I’m not sure why “alpha” and “masculine” have become negative terms because of some bad apples. As if good men can’t be alphas. Good for those that do but not everyone likes beta males like miles and that’s ok.

On 9/10/2020 at 7:10 PM, Racj82 said:

The history Karen herself has described have led people to believe that a more thuggish type of guy is what she wants.

So just my two cents, but I think there is a confusion here between "thug" and "playa".  I don't at all think Karen wants a thug, but I do think she has been socialized to want a playa because of what is externally visible with a playa.  They are usually handsome, charismatic, well-built, conventionally masculine, and stoic (think "Que Dogs" if she went to college).  It hasn't worked for her, but she has not been able to un-program that mindset, and because she is not aware enough of that (unlike Jamie Otis, who knew what bad matches her previous preferred types had produced), she will continue either being with the playa and getting played, or being unsatisfied with the good guys.

 

[Elizzikra]

On 9/12/2020 at 7:56 PM, seacliffsal said:

I'm in the unpopular opinion group about not being as in love with Bennett and Amelia as others are.  It must be my cynical nature as I think they are both just always "on" and actively performing for the cameras and the audience.  I actually believe Bennett's friend from last week who stated that he signed up for this as absurdist performance art (and, just because she may have been jealous of Amelia does not mean that she was wrong...).  And, I'm probably the only one who wondered if Amelia made sure that the line activity would not hurt the trees she used for it (well, I'm also one who kind of hates modern windmills used for wind energy because of the hundreds of thousands of birds who are killed by them...).

I'm always amazed by the participants who think that they are better than the spouse with whom they were paired, because, you know, you signed up for this show BECAUSE you could not find a spouse on your own.  Maybe not so much a prize...

Add me to the camp of people who don’t love Amelia and Bennett (though I think they are a good match). I think they both are sort of aggressively quirky and it just annoys me. It all seems designed to capture attention and a little inauthentic. They want to be childlike and unique and such special, special snowflakes - they had a BRIDESMAID on a UNICYCLE! They build a FORT on their HONEYMOON! Those crazy kids. They can be as zany and full of hijinks as they want to be but I’d find it tiresome to be around for too long.

[Rae Spellman]

1 hour ago, LuvMyShows said:

So just my two cents, but I think there is a confusion here between "thug" and "playa".  I don't at all think Karen wants a thug, but I do think she has been socialized to want a playa because of what is externally visible with a playa.  They are usually handsome, charismatic, well-built, conventionally masculine, and stoic (think "Que Dogs" if she went to college).  It hasn't worked for her, but she has not been able to un-program that mindset, and because she is not aware enough of that (unlike Jamie Otis, who knew what bad matches her previous preferred types had produced), she will continue either being with the playa and getting played, or being unsatisfied with the good guys.

Right. Karen said she wanted to be part of a power couple. That suggests that she wants a spouse that is an educated professional who is respected in the community. Someone who presents as being fluent in the ways of the solidly middle class. Someone she could take to an event w/ her colleagues. Someone she could take to an event w/ her seemingly middle class family.

Maybe handsome in a different way than Miles. That Karen wants someone stoic sounds about right.  Miles is young, expressive, nurturing, works in a female dominated field, and spends most of his waking hours around elementary school aged children!  

Miles is plenty masculine. But, more masculine to Karen wouldn't have to mean an unexpressive thug. It could simply mean a less expressive, slightly older guy, who works in a more traditionally male field. From what Karen told us I could see her dating a Henry/Brett hybrid more easily than a thug.  

 

 

 

[JapMo]

22 hours ago, princelina said:

If this show hadn't so blatantly sold out on its original premise - 2 people who had tried everything to find love and were now giving this a try to see if "experts" could do better than they had - then I would say she was lucky to get a nice spouse who wanted to try.  I think we tend to say that someone on this show is lucky because we are harking back to that original premise.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Olivia told Brett she hadn't dated since she moved to NOLA 3+years ago, and just decided to sign up for the show and let the experts find someone for her.  Brett expressed surprise at that.  Olivia is 30...that means she was maybe 26-27 when she had her last date.  No available doctors someone could fix her up with in all that time?  

I actually couldn't stop laughing at Brett this episode.  I totally relate to his type of humor.  Olivia doesn't get it and I don't fault her for that, but what I do hate is her constantly repeating this blueprint she has in her mind of how they should be discussing everything to death and going places together and being together all the time and blah blah blah.  Maybe if she would have shut up for 2 mins when they were laying in bed together, reading the show's dumb questions, she would have gotten into the whole silliness of it like Brett did and had a good laugh about it, and maybe relaxing together could have turned into something intimate.  

[princelina]

23 minutes ago, JapMo said:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Olivia told Brett she hadn't dated since she moved to NOLA 3+years ago, and just decided to sign up for the show and let the experts find someone for her.  Brett expressed surprise at that.  Olivia is 30...that means she was maybe 26-27 when she had her last date.  No available doctors someone could fix her up with in all that time?  

I actually couldn't stop laughing at Brett this episode.  I totally relate to his type of humor.  Olivia doesn't get it and I don't fault her for that, but what I do hate is her constantly repeating this blueprint she has in her mind of how they should be discussing everything to death and going places together and being together all the time and blah blah blah.  Maybe if she would have shut up for 2 mins when they were laying in bed together, reading the show's dumb questions, she would have gotten into the whole silliness of it like Brett did and had a good laugh about it, and maybe relaxing together could have turned into something intimate.  

Yes I agree.  He was annoying me at the beginning of the swamp boat ride, but eventually relaxed and got into it.  I wish she could relax as well.  But he also needs to settle down a little when she's trying to be serious if he wants to give her a shot.

Edited September 15, 2020 by princelina

[ShowFan]

On 9/10/2020 at 11:44 PM, Yeah No said:

So it bugs me no end to see Amelia's hair looking a rat's nest. 

I saw a professional picture of her in her doctor coat, from the hospital’s webpage where she works, and...believe me...she cleans up REALLY nice! She’s got soft, clean, well brushed hair..shoulder length, just perfect. 

[Rae Spellman]

1 hour ago, JapMo said:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Olivia told Brett she hadn't dated since she moved to NOLA 3+years ago, and just decided to sign up for the show and let the experts find someone for her.  Brett expressed surprise at that.  Olivia is 30...that means she was maybe 26-27 when she had her last date.  No available doctors someone could fix her up with in all that time?  

Does that mean she has gone on zero dates or that she hasn't dated anyone regularly? She asked Brett if he'd seen any of the wives on the apps and he asked her if she'd seen any of the husbands on the apps. Her answer was that she hadn't seen the guys on the apps not that she hadn't been on them. So her not dating and Brett's 45 dates in two years could basically mean the same thing. Neither has dated anyone seriously.  

[TheMediumBopper]

4 hours ago, princelina said:

Yes I agree.  He was annoying me at the beginning of the swamp boat ride, but eventually relaxed and got into it.  I wish she could relax as well.  But he also needs to settle down a little when she's trying to be serious if he wants to give her a shot.

Did anybody else chuckle when Brett said "Hey, Buddy" to the baby alligator like it was a puppy or a kitten? I found that endearing.

 

[Ilovepie]

16 hours ago, JapMo said:

I actually couldn't stop laughing at Brett this episode.  I totally relate to his type of humor. 

Me too. And I would rather hang with someone who is ready to joke around than someone lacking a sense of humor. But he needs to understand time and place like when to answer seriously because there are times that being a smartass is not acceptable. I keep wondering if he is doing this because he wants to screw production and give them nothing, and maybe they have had serious conversations without the camera?

[JapMo]

4 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

16 hours ago, JapMo said:

I actually couldn't stop laughing at Brett this episode.  I totally relate to his type of humor. 

Me too. And I would rather hang with someone who is ready to joke around than someone lacking a sense of humor. But he needs to understand time and place like when to answer seriously because there are times that being a smartass is not acceptable. I keep wondering if he is doing this because he wants to screw production and give them nothing, and maybe they have had serious conversations without the camera?

I do think Brett is determined not to discuss anything personal on camera.  That must really piss off the show.  Last week they kept focusing on him drinking beer like he was knocking back one right after the other, while Olivia was in the bedroom complaining to her friend about him.  So I guess if they can't get him to admit if they've had sex or done anything salacious, they will manufacture something like put a seed out there that Brett might have a drinking problem.  I have been impressed with Brett and Olivia in regards to their communicating right from the start about their likes and dislikes.  Although we didn't actually see it, they both said that on their honeymoon night they talked about religion.  Brett discussed that with her family at brunch.  And when they were exercising together at the honeymoon site, they discussed children. 

The thing is, during their conversations Olivia hasn't conveyed exactly how much she wants to travel, and not to city-wide parks, etc., but out of the country for weeks at a time, and she really hasn't told him how much she doesn't want children.  She's left the door open a crack on both issues, but you see the sick look on her face whenever she discusses it with friends or other MAFS.  She wants to travel and remain childless, and she's never going to be happy with a compromise.  

 

[Dena0033]

I don't think they're necessarily trying to suggest Brett has a drinking problem, I think they're just trying to show him as a bit of a tightwad rube.

 

[Ilovepie]

1 hour ago, JapMo said:

The thing is, during their conversations Olivia hasn't conveyed exactly how much she wants to travel, and not to city-wide parks, etc., but out of the country for weeks at a time, and she really hasn't told him how much she doesn't want children.  She's left the door open a crack on both issues, but you see the sick look on her face whenever she discusses it with friends or other MAFS.  She wants to travel and remain childless, and she's never going to be happy with a compromise. 

I feel like the travel question could be resolved by both of them compromising. Maybe they take one really big trip a year together, and she can travel with friends other times, or something like that. Or they do smaller trips and one nice trip every other year. Something, you know? Either way, I think there is a compromise there if, and it's a big if, they liked each other and cared at all about making this work. But I don't think they do.

The children question is a complete and total deal breaker. There is no compromise to be reached. Why this isn't a major point for "the experts" to match appropriately boggles my mind.

[TheMediumBopper]

I was rewatching the second half of the episode because there were a lot of distractions going on when I saw it the first time around. The frown Olivia has in that scene with Amani ages her by about 30 years. A couple of weeks with Brett is turning her into a bitter sea hag but quick. Also, Karen's comment (as previewed next week) about "not feeling safe" because Miles brought up S-E-X is just lame. Where did they dig up these humorless women? Thank goodness Amelia and Amani were cast to show that at least some of us know how to laugh.

2 minutes ago, TheMediumBopper said:

 

Also, on another shallow note: I think Amani dresses well. I wasn't into her wedding garb, but she's had some good outfits since then and I think she should get props for that.

I meant to add this as an edit but somehow ended up accidentally quoting myself instead. Posting is hard, y'all.

 

Edited September 16, 2020 by TheMediumBopper

[humbleopinion]

8 minutes ago, TheMediumBopper said:

 Where did they dig up these humorless women?

Have yet to see Pinched Faced Olivia, Slack Faced ChristinA and Easily Offended Karen break out in a genuine smile since their wedding day.

No laughing with their eyes, guffawing or get a giggle attack with their spouses....except from Amelia and Amani.....

Olivia does look like like she has aged unattractively during  3 weeks of marriage to Brett...Geez, what's she going to look like in the next episode....a dry husk of herself...

[Elizzikra]

7 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Me too. And I would rather hang with someone who is ready to joke around than someone lacking a sense of humor. But he needs to understand time and place like when to answer seriously because there are times that being a smartass is not acceptable. I keep wondering if he is doing this because he wants to screw production and give them nothing, and maybe they have had serious conversations without the camera?

I get Brett’s sense of humor and i don’t mind it at the appropriate time. I think Brett uses it to avoid hard questions and conversations though and I find that passive aggressive and annoying.

[humbleopinion]

5 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

I get Brett’s sense of humor and i don’t mind it at the appropriate time. I think Brett uses it to avoid hard questions and conversations though and I find that passive aggressive and annoying.

Brett thinks he will just smirk and deflect from the stupid producer prompts to encourage conversation and intimacy.

Olivia just reads the cards like she's reading a menu aloud since she knows Brett will be a bag of dicks about answering anything seriously.

[TheMediumBopper]

11 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Have yet to see Pinched Faced Olivia, Slack Faced ChristinA and Easily Offended Karen break out in a genuine smile since their wedding day.

No laughing with their eyes, guffawing or get a giggle attack with their spouses....except from Amelia and Amani.....

Olivia does look like like she has aged unattractively during  3 weeks of marriage to Brett...Geez, what's she going to look like in the next episode....a dry husk of herself...

Has Olivia even TRIED calling Lil Wayne though? I mean, I think he might be single and rich. Could be the answer to her rapid aging syndrome and champagne appetites.

[ladyscorpio]

The only couples that I can see working out is Amelia/Bennet and Woody/Amani. I can tell Henry wasn't attracted to Christina at the wedding.  She had to ask him if he thought she was pretty or looked good because he didn't compliment her at all the way alot of the others do after they see their new spouse. I think maybe he is gay and doesn't want to come out or he's just not into her at all.  I know how she acts bugs him but right from the beginning I could tell he wasn't  into her.  I like how Woody treats Amani. It surprised me how good of a husband he turned out to be because the people that knew him kept saying he's a player and goes out partying all the time an they can't picture him settling down with someone. I think him and Amani have a cute and fun relationship together. He has been the best husband out of all of them this season. And Miles too. It was so dumb how Karen freaked out saying she feels so unsafe around Miles just because he was joking around with what he put on the calender. That's ridiculous! He has been nothing but a gentleman to her this whole time, catering to her every whim and he gets nothing back in return. She's being way too dramatic about what he wrote. It was a joke!! He can't win no matter what he says or does. I think he would be a good husband and father and she doesn't see it. Their age difference isn't even that much. I do think Bennet is funny, the only thing I don't like is how he doesn't seem to take care of his hygiene and same with Amelia. She always looks a mess like she just rolled out of bed. I think it's gross how Bennet keeps wearing those dirty ass socks and the mustard nightgown with stains all over it. They're on TV and don't care if they have clean clothes or look presentable. They do look like brother and sister. Despite the hygiene issue,  I do think they are a good match. It bugs me when people try out for the show that know they aren't ready to take it serious. They lie to the experts and are on their best fake behavior and then when they actually get picked, we see their true colors! I 100% agree with someone that said they have to go in to it knowing they are serious about it and are ready for marriage when they apply for the show. When they only care about being seen on TV or only caring what the other person looks like and not giving it a chance to at least figure out why they were matched together, they ruin it for their spouse that is taking it serious and is committed to the marriage.   Perfect example- Zach and Mindy. And so many others I can't remember every one of their names. And with Karen, why did she sign up for this show if she only cares about looks an is put off immediately thinking he's a wuss instead of trying to find out the reasons they were matched. What does she want, an asshole? The experts should make it clear that the people who only care about looks or being on tv do not apply. And let the people know that they might get something different as in looks/ personality  than what they are used to. Because clearly the old types haven't worked out for them. But people signing up for the show won't be honest ( the fake lying ones) about their intentions anyway. They will keep putting on their fake ass personality and tell the experts exactly what they want to hear. 

[Ilovepie]

4 hours ago, TheMediumBopper said:

Also, Karen's comment (as previewed next week) about "not feeling safe" because Miles brought up S-E-X is just lame.

I am gearing up to be pissed about this scene this week. If I was Miles I would be seriously offended by her using that term, especially since he has been nothing but nice. And frankly, she was the one who started the joking about sex when she looked at her watch. He just took it up a notch, but he definitely meant it in the same way, so for to say she was feeling “unsafe” was uncalled for. It’s time for him to stand up for himself. I fear he is going to fall all over himself apologizing, when frankly she owes him an apology for insinuating he is harassing her for sex.

[LennieBriscoe]

On 9/14/2020 at 7:44 PM, Elizzikra said:

Add me to the camp of people who don’t love Amelia and Bennett (though I think they are a good match). I think they both are sort of aggressively quirky and it just annoys me. It all seems designed to capture attention and a little inauthentic. They want to be childlike and unique and such special, special snowflakes - they had a BRIDESMAID on a UNICYCLE! They build a FORT on their HONEYMOON! Those crazy kids. They can be as zany and full of hijinks as they want to be but I’d find it tiresome to be around for too long.

And that is why they are perfectly matched to each other, and not to the outside world! 

Indeed, what better metaphorical expression of their self-sustainability could Amelia and Bennett have made to the rest of us who might find them exhausting, than to build a honeymoon fort?!

[Madding crowd]

11 hours ago, ladyscorpio said:

The only couples that I can see working out is Amelia/Bennet and Woody/Amani. I can tell Henry wasn't attracted to Christina at the wedding.  She had to ask him if he thought she was pretty or looked good because he didn't compliment her at all the way alot of the others do after they see their new spouse. I think maybe he is gay and doesn't want to come out or he's just not into her at all.  I know how she acts bugs him but right from the beginning I could tell he wasn't  into her.  I like how Woody treats Amani. It surprised me how good of a husband he turned out to be because the people that knew him kept saying he's a player and goes out partying all the time an they can't picture him settling down with someone. I think him and Amani have a cute and fun relationship together. He has been the best husband out of all of them this season. And Miles too. It was so dumb how Karen freaked out saying she feels so unsafe around Miles just because he was joking around with what he put on the calender. That's ridiculous! He has been nothing but a gentleman to her this whole time, catering to her every whim and he gets nothing back in return. She's being way too dramatic about what he wrote. It was a joke!! He can't win no matter what he says or does. I think he would be a good husband and father and she doesn't see it. Their age difference isn't even that much. I do think Bennet is funny, the only thing I don't like is how he doesn't seem to take care of his hygiene and same with Amelia. She always looks a mess like she just rolled out of bed. I think it's gross how Bennet keeps wearing those dirty ass socks and the mustard nightgown with stains all over it. They're on TV and don't care if they have clean clothes or look presentable. They do look like brother and sister. Despite the hygiene issue,  I do think they are a good match. It bugs me when people try out for the show that know they aren't ready to take it serious. They lie to the experts and are on their best fake behavior and then when they actually get picked, we see their true colors! I 100% agree with someone that said they have to go in to it knowing they are serious about it and are ready for marriage when they apply for the show. When they only care about being seen on TV or only caring what the other person looks like and not giving it a chance to at least figure out why they were matched together, they ruin it for their spouse that is taking it serious and is committed to the marriage.   Perfect example- Zach and Mindy. And so many others I can't remember every one of their names. And with Karen, why did she sign up for this show if she only cares about looks an is put off immediately thinking he's a wuss instead of trying to find out the reasons they were matched. What does she want, an asshole? The experts should make it clear that the people who only care about looks or being on tv do not apply. And let the people know that they might get something different as in looks/ personality  than what they are used to. Because clearly the old types haven't worked out for them. But people signing up for the show won't be honest ( the fake lying ones) about their intentions anyway. They will keep putting on their fake ass personality and tell the experts exactly what they want to hear. 

Can we please stop saying a man must be gay if he isn’t attracted to a particular woman? How come a woman is never presumed to be gay if she isn’t attracted to a certain man? I believe someone is gay if they tell me they are. I doubt if Henry would go on a show to be matched with a woman if he really wants a man.

[gonecrackers]

Karen just wants to feel emotionally safe with Miles - she wants some time to form an emotional connection to drive a physical one. Given this is supposed to be a long term marriage that's not too much to ask. Nothing is more of a turn off than a man pining for sex from a woman who is not feeling close to him. If Miles can be patient they'll get there, & I believe they will.

[LuvMyShows]

On 9/14/2020 at 10:20 PM, ShowFan said:

I saw a professional picture of her in her doctor coat, from the hospital’s webpage where she works, and...believe me...she cleans up REALLY nice! She’s got soft, clean, well brushed hair..shoulder length, just perfect. 

Do you have a link?

[brilliantbreakfast]

On 9/10/2020 at 4:24 PM, Archer27 said:

I get that Brett is trying to be funny, but his sarcasm is infuriating. I did not like him from the first time he appeared on screen, and my dislike has only intensified. Olivia may be a bore, but she does not deserve his feeble attempts to amuse. No way will they stay married. I predict they will never speak again after decision day.

Amelia and Bennett are wonderful together. But, how does an adult only have so few socks? I have way too many...I should sent them some. 

Woody and Amani are great. I do understand her hesitation the whole love thing. In the end, I think they will stay together.

ChristinA and Henry...definitely top 3 worst couples ever matched on MAFS.  She acts as though she is too good for him. She is not. He does not like her at all. They will never speak again after this is done.

And finally...Karen...I must separate her from Miles. As some other posters here have mentioned, she does not know what she wants. I also do suspect that she is not over her previous boyfriend (creep that he is), and cannot accept love. She never should have applied to be on this show. Miles will be fine after this. He is a handsome, caring, and generous guy. At the end, he will know that he tried to make this relationship work with an unwilling Karen. (I CANNOT stand when she constantly talks about being "unsafe" - girl, please. If she did not want to risk feeling insecure and vulnerable, she never should have applied. 

 

 

 

1)  I'm sarcastic. I know what sarcasm is.  Brett isn't sarcastic, he's cruel.  And so are his brothers, and I'm guessing everyone in his family is too.  Rather than resolving conflicts, they resort to what they insist is "sarcasm."  By the way, "I was only kidding" is part of the gaslighting that narcissists do.  Just sayin'.

2) I love Bennett.  He reminds me of my late husband in that he's like the world's oldest living adolescent.  My husband used to say that I brought the structure and he brought the slack.  It can be a very good match, and Amelia seems to have the ability to do both.  Whether she finds being married to the world's oldest living cute boy (oh wait, that's Billie Joe Armstrong) in 10 years remains to be seen.  (I was with mine for 30 years until he died.)

3) Amani and Woody are so natural together that she can't believe it's real.  Good for her for applying the brakes a bit to balance Woody's "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" attitude.  Sometimes men go overboard too fast and scare the living daylights out of themselves. Amani will keep that from happening.  I like them.

4)  Henry and Christina are like human sacrifices for drama.  I've been DVR-ing the show just so I can skip over them.

5) If I'd been hurt as much as Karen has by the kind of "masculine men" (whatever that means to her) she's been with in the past, I'd be open to someone completely different. In fact, I was.  "Alpha males" tend to be insecure little boys inside.  Miles seems very confident in himself despite the things like his depression that Karen regards as weakness. She can't handle him because he's the real deal of what she thinks she wants, not the poseurs she's used to.

[Ilovepie]

4 minutes ago, brilliantbreakfast said:

Brett isn't sarcastic, he's cruel. 

I don't see him as being cruel. Smartass? Yes. I think he uses the humor to deflect from getting into an argument with Olivia because he completely disagrees with her. These two don't belong together, he knows it, and I think she does too.

[JapMo]

9 minutes ago, brilliantbreakfast said:

1)  I'm sarcastic. I know what sarcasm is.  Brett isn't sarcastic, he's cruel.  And so are his brothers, and I'm guessing everyone in his family is too.  Rather than resolving conflicts, they resort to what they insist is "sarcasm."  By the way, "I was only kidding" is part of the gaslighting that narcissists do.  Just sayin'.

I'm sarcastic too, and that's why IMO he's not cruel as much as flippant and dismissive of other's opinions.  I can totally see how that happened once I saw his family.  But by the same token, I don't think he's a liar, so I do believe him when he says he really likes Olivia.  But unless there's something going on behind the scenes we don't know, I doubt these two will continue on after the day of reckoning.

Somebody mentioned compromise with these two regarding travel.  I don't see that.  My take on what Olivia has repeatedly said is that she wants to travel several times a year.  One big trip every other year just won't cut it for her,  And she wants to go first class.  Even if Brett had the money, he just doesn't think big vacations are important.  I don't think it's necessarily cheapness.  

[Ilovepie]

4 minutes ago, JapMo said:

Somebody mentioned compromise with these two regarding travel.  I don't see that.  My take on what Olivia has repeatedly said is that she wants to travel several times a year.  One big trip every other year just won't cut it for her,  And she wants to go first class.  Even if Brett had the money, he just doesn't think big vacations are important.  I don't think it's necessarily cheapness. 

Yes she wants that, but she also wants to be married. Which is more important to her? Obviously, it's not Brett. As I said up thread, if she was really into him she might be more willing to bend to be with him, but I don't think so.......

[becauseIsaidso]

Holy crap! I tuned into Lifetime at about 2PM (Eastern) and MAFS was already on and in the first (I think) honeymoon episode! I'm in hog heaven! I'm seeing things I'd forgotten or missed the first time around. Like Bennett responding to a question by saying that he and Amelia had 'smooched' but no 'hanky-panky' yet.

I'm really glad to see these reruns as I am sure I heard in one episode either Bennett or Amelia saying something about either not wanting to or not being comfortable discussing their sex life with others, and for the most part, they have stuck to that. I do recall it was Bennett who admitted in a TH that, after Amelia had gone out of her way to get him ginger for his tea when he was ill (interesting as ginger is good for stomach upsets, which is often a part of Covid symptoms) things did get very cozy/intimate between them and finally said that , yes, they had sex.

I'm lovin' on Woody/Amani more and more - he's very flirty, even overtly sexual, but she matches him move for move and NEVER hesitates to speak her mind - but it's always done in such a gentle and (almost) fun way (pee in the shower? Seriously? Who discusses THAT so early on!?!) that I see a really happy/truly involved with each other future for them. I think the secret is that each of them is so comfortable with who they are individually that they are equally comfortable expressing themselves to each other. I think I even have to give them the edge over Bamelia, who are still my faves (in large part because of their spontaneous lack of inhibition), but Wamani fit into a more conventional-non-wacky lifestyle that is still free-spirited and much more in keeping with my idea of a 'perfect union' - I love them both.

[TheMediumBopper]

Much has been said about Bennett's dirty white socks. But has anyone considered how dirty his floors must be for his socks to turn that vile charcoal color? When he and Amelia were going over their chore schedule and allocating tasks, I was here in my living room shrieking, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO SIGN UP FOR FLOOR WASHING DUTY!" I'm about to go over there myself with a mop if this keeps up.

[ladyscorpio]

6 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

Can we please stop saying a man must be gay if he isn’t attracted to a particular woman? How come a woman is never presumed to be gay if she isn’t attracted to a certain man? I believe someone is gay if they tell me they are. I doubt if Henry would go on a show to be matched with a woman if he really wants a man.

I didn't say it in a negative way. I get that vibe from him not just because he's not attracted to her. 

[qtpye]

4 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I don't see him as being cruel. Smartass? Yes. I think he uses the humor to deflect from getting into an argument with Olivia because he completely disagrees with her. These two don't belong together, he knows it, and I think she does too.

But the results are the same...using humor to deflect any real communication.

 

4 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Yes she wants that, but she also wants to be married. Which is more important to her? Obviously, it's not Brett. As I said up thread, if she was really into him she might be more willing to bend to be with him, but I don't think so.......

The same can be said of him. These two actually seemed to like each other at the wedding but are very stubborn in their life philosophies. Weirdly, in some ways they are a worse match then the couples who seemingly hate each other on first sight.

I could actually see Henry and Christina becoming casual friends even though they are horrible together as a couple. At this point, I think Brett and Olivia would be happy never to see each other again.

[Ilovepie]

1 hour ago, qtpye said:

At this point, I think Brett and Olivia would be happy never to see each other again.

I completely agree. I guess that was my original point - if they really cared about each other they would be willing to compromise, but they don't. At all.

This couple is so weird - I was all prepared to loathe Brett from the get go and pity Olivia, but things have played out very differently than I thought. She is not quite so sweet as she was first portrayed, and he is not the total pig he was portrayed as being either. I don't think either is as great or awful as I thought they would be, but they are just a total mismatch. Strangely, I am more on Brett's side at this point because I find his snarky attitude amusing and her demeanor rigid and lacking a sense of humor, but there are a lot episodes left for me to swing the other way! 😛

 

[humbleopinion]

Olivia gets in a snit and that amuses Brett so he takes it up a full notch and antagonizes her further by purposefully being a pill.

Things an exasperated Aunt Ollie says to a smirking Brett:

"That's not funny"

"Why can't you just give me a straight answer?"

"If you cooperate we would get done"

"I'm calling Cal to make you act right"

[dirtypop90]

On 9/12/2020 at 12:56 PM, DrewPaul2010 said:

Lack of facts and data never stop us from offering opinions, if they did no one would comment in here. I'm judging from the fact that the mere mention of sex sends her into hives, or even passionate kissing and hugging. I have reason to think she isn't sexually attracted to anyone because of her past hurts and wounds. That's the baggage she needs to have checked and put into storage especially since she was willing to start a relationship already married.

women don't act the same with men they aren't sexually attracted to and men they are. Most women get hives when men we're not attracted to mention sex because we don't want to sleep with them. Karen has more chemistry with his friend Woody; she could probably discuss sex with him.

[qtpye]

13 minutes ago, dirtypop90 said:

women don't act the same with men they aren't sexually attracted to and men they are. Most women get hives when men we're not attracted to mention sex because we don't want to sleep with them. Karen has more chemistry with his friend Woody; she could probably discuss sex with him.

Yes, people are totally different if they are sexually attracted or perhaps a better way to put it, is if they feel the chemistry.

If Henry liked Christina (not his fault...they purposely matched him with "not his type") we would not be witnessing this nervous boring dud. He will never be Mr. Party Animal but it would be almost like a totally different person. He would be much more upbeat and charming (sort of how he is like around his pretty and petite brunette friend).

People talk about getting put in the dreaded friend zone but I think there is a worse fate...the brother/sister zone. I think once someone is put in the brother/sister category...you are actually revolted by the idea of getting intimate with them.

Anytime I hear someone introduce someone (particularly heterosexuals describing opposite gender friends) as "they are like a brother/sister to me...I know they are tight but nothing physical will ever happen in the future.

I hate game playing but I think if Miles was a little more aloof...Karen would be way more into him. This would probably make her read him as a little more mature, rightly or wrongly.

[antfitz]

On 9/11/2020 at 7:11 AM, psychoticstate said:

I used to think that Christina and Henry were the worst matched couple but nope, that honor now goes to Olivia and Brett.  I liked Olivia at first but she's becoming Molly 2.0 in my book.  She said at first that she was fun, loved to go out and do things, has a great sense of humor, etc.  but we've seen precious little of that.  I get that Brett is no prize but I was laughing at some of what he said. Of course, I love sarcasm but still . . . Olivia acts like an annoyed mother.  It's slightly ironic that the partner who is frugal as all get out has the sense of humor and the partner who is more laid back financially has a stick up her butt regarding everything else.

Speaking of Christina and Henry, I have to admit that I was actually smiling -- SMILING! -- during their scenes.  Maybe I ate some bad food or something but I am starting to hope that maybe these two can find some common ground. Or at least try to enjoy each other's company during the next 5 weeks.  I will give it to them that neither of them got impatient or frustrated with the golf or the salsa dancing, where one of them was clearly out of his/her comfort zone in each activity.  

Amelia and Bennett should have zero concerns.  The work situation is probably a nonissue, just like it was for Jessica and Austin last season.

I'll be the first to admit that I thought Amani and Woody had zero chance of making it in the first episode but they really do seem well matched.  I don't blame her for being hesitant to put the "L" word out there so quickly and I hope he understands that.  

Does anyone know how long before MAFS that Karen's last relationship ended?  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  She needs therapy, real therapy, and if the "experts" were worth a pinch of their salt, they would recognize that.  She strikes me as someone who applied on a whim, or thinking it would help her get over her ex, and was probably freaked out when she got chosen.  She was probably desperate to see who her intended was and recruited friends to find out for her, so that she could have something to use from the start as her escape clause.  She's using Miles' sensitivity as a cockblock, basically -- and I don't mean that just in the physical sense.  She's terrified to get close to him because she's terrified to be receptive to anyone right now.  Again, she needs therapy.  Deep down, I'm guessing she knows that Miles is a really good, decent guy.  There's a reason that she's chosen the lying, cheating alpha males she has.  Again, therapy, Karen.  

As another poster said upthread, I see Karen as more emotionally immature than Miles.  Miles tried to have an honest conversation with her about intimacy (since he has zero idea what her thoughts are since she won't even hold his hand and has only kissed him maybe twice).  She was very clearly uncomfortable.  If it was because of the cameras, she should have said so but she reacted like a 14 year old might, trying to change the subject and busying herself with activities so she didn't have to look at him.  I think Miles was attempting to joke around with her by scheduling any kind of intimacy but she is so terrified of any kind of connection with him that she recoiled and bolted.  If the "experts" were shown this footage, they should have hauled ass over to their apartment pronto.  

 I really thought I saw all the scenes, but what in the heck did miles say to Karen that she got so man?  I'm at a loss to understand her.

[ShowFan]

8 hours ago, LuvMyShows said:

Do you have a link?

I have the picture but I’m not supposed to post here. It’s from Reddit

[Kira53]

1 hour ago, ShowFan said:

I have the picture but I’m not supposed to post here. It’s from Reddit

Why aren't you supposed to post a photo here? Is it because it's on another social media site? I don't know a lot about the rules.

[ShowFan]

7 hours ago, Kira53 said:

Why aren't you supposed to post a photo here? Is it because it's on another social media site? I don't know a lot about the rules.

There is a separate spoiler thread

[spunky]

On 9/14/2020 at 4:10 PM, becauseIsaidso said:

I wondered the same about Bennett's illness - and given the time frame as this season seems to have started when NOLA was having less than summery temps, and given the HUGE influx of tourists to NOLA (been there, done that LOVED IT!!!!) Bennett may very well have had one of those very early cases that often happen before anyone really knows that there is a serious something to worry about.

It's a strong possibility.  NOLA is on my bucket list of places to visit. 

[OdinO.]

On 9/9/2020 at 8:21 PM, Kiss my mutt said:

Can anyone with ADD give some insight on what Christina is experiencing? 

Yes, you are tired and angry and depressed. Sometimes to suicidality. 

On 9/9/2020 at 8:27 PM, gonecrackers said:

Yeah, & I think ChristinA is full of shit. So many people, young & old, take ADD meds. I have a 50 something yo friend who just started them. She also wasn't bitchy & impatient before starting them.

If ChristinA's going after a sympathy lay from Henry that ain't happening.

It's withdrawal.

[evansmom10]

On 9/14/2020 at 1:54 PM, LuvMyShows said:

I find it unlikely that "nobody" thinks less of anyone with ADD, but I know for darn sure that there are lots of people who judge those who choose to medicate for ADD.  If ChristinA, a grown woman, really caved on taking meds because her mommy didn't want her to take them, then that really seems to show her insecurity and lack of self-certainty and agency, which she desperately tries to hide behind her bitchiness.  That is consistent with her having dated these previous guys who flatter her initially, get into a volatile relationship (as she described to Henry) that she keeps going back to, and of course they don't send flowers (which she apparently has been unable to tell them that she would like).

Tiffany's story was hysterical...I had never seen the clip before.

So just my two cents, but I think there is a confusion here between "thug" and "playa".  I don't at all think Karen wants a thug, but I do think she has been socialized to want a playa because of what is externally visible with a playa.  They are usually handsome, charismatic, well-built, conventionally masculine, and stoic (think "Que Dogs" if she went to college).  It hasn't worked for her, but she has not been able to un-program that mindset, and because she is not aware enough of that (unlike Jamie Otis, who knew what bad matches her previous preferred types had produced), she will continue either being with the playa and getting played, or being unsatisfied with the good guys.

 

My two cents is this, I am bothered by the continued characterization of Black men as "thugs" and "playas". It just distasteful and something I am thinking us AAs are actively trying to avoid being characterized. I am troubled by my thinking that if we were talking about White men, we'd be using terms like "cocky", "playboy", "confident", "arrogant" which are not racially motivated terms.