Indian Matchmaking - General Discussion

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

I didn't find that on Amazon Prime.  But what I did find was a crazy show called "Four More Shots Please."  An Indian Sex and the City.  I love it!  There are a few matchmaking scenes in it as well.

I think the title is A Suitable Girl, - that’s what I found on Amazon Prime Video. 

 

On 7/21/2020 at 5:05 PM, Pepper Mostly said:

Vyasar was my favorite. I just loved him. He was so open hearted and kind. I hope he and Rashi made a go of it, they seemed well matched.  

He reminds me of a guy I went to highschool with. His look, his aura, his height. 

[Angeleyes]

8 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I think the title is A Suitable Girl, - that’s what I found on Amazon Prime Video. 

You are correct. I made a mistake when typing out the title of the documentary. 

[Bunnyette]

On 7/23/2020 at 11:50 PM, Irlandesa said:

But his talk of wanting to be a stay at home husband/dad?  I do think that would make people hesitant, especially if it was brought up so early in the relationship.  I don't think there's anything wrong with that set up but I wouldn't be able to avoid hearing "I want to stay at home and play video games all day."

However the lovely lady who was a vet may not mind that.  She can pursue her career knowing her husband is happy to stay home with the kids.

[Kiss my mutt]

6 hours ago, Bunnyette said:

However the lovely lady who was a vet may not mind that.  She can pursue her career knowing her husband is happy to stay home with the kids.

I got the impression that it did from her Dear John conversation. That might be a tall order for more traditionally minded Indians. 

[zoltana]

On 7/22/2020 at 12:53 PM, humbleopinion said:

Duh.

Locked walk in closet...Calling Doctor Sigmund Freud....The symbolism is as subtle as a sledgehammer to a watermelon...

All that brooding driving around at night.....

Did you catch that when he showed the matchmaker the closet he said, "this is where the magic happens"?  Made me think he has a locked closet for special rendezvous'.

[humbleopinion]

He is happiest in the closet. Double entendre intended.

[FurBabyMama]

One of my best friends is indian, and I spent so much time texting her about this show that she finally watched it. She did bring up the difference between Indians living in India and Indians living in America, where in India they are much more traditional, marry young, etc. Her parents were an arranged marriage, but they’ve been married now nearly 40 years and very happy. She has 2 cousins in the same family. One had a love marriage, one had an arranged marriage. The one with the love marriage got divorced 2 years later, the other is still happily married. In arranged marriages it seems they let love grow over time. 
 

 

[Hudson0325]

On 7/24/2020 at 5:13 PM, Pepper Mostly said:

The greatest, most wonderful book about arranging marriages and everything else Indian is "A Suitable Boy", by Vikram Seth. The central plot is a mother's search for a husband for her daughter. But it is so much more, so rich! Its one of my favorite books of all time.  

I read that years ago and loved it!

[Pepper Mostly]

On 7/24/2020 at 6:38 PM, Irlandesa said:

And if you're interested in seeing what happens once a wedding happens, I recommend Made In Heaven on Amazon Prime. 

Thank you for the recommendation, @Irlandesa! I started watching it yesterday and I LOVE it!

[athousandclowns]

5 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Thank you for the recommendation, @Irlandesa! I started watching it yesterday and I LOVE it!

I can’t find that title other than a 1940s movie and one with babies that are in heaven and finally a one star match made in heaven with blonde on cover ?,  

I goggled  it which brought me to it on amazon.

Edited July 28, 2020 by athousandclowns
Correction

[GrammyPammy]

Okay, seeing that floral loafer stepping out of the car at the valet parking told me everything I needed to know about Pradhyuman.

[GrammyPammy]

BEST movie about Arranged Marriage...hilarious! (Can be rented on Amazon)

 

 

[Scarlett45]

On 7/22/2020 at 8:56 PM, Neurochick said:

One of the things I found interesting is that there seems to be just as much pressure men to marry as there is on women.  In the West, at least in the US, there's more pressure on the woman and almost zero pressure on the man.  That's why shows like "Married at First Sight" suck, because there's more pressure on women, the women come on the show really looking for love, while the men are kind of there. 

IMO, that’s because marriage in India is seen as an institution to advance and protect the FAMILY (join the two families), where in mainstream North American culture (if there is such a thing), marriage is seen as the best institution for hetero women to raise children and get their sexual, emotional and financial needs met. Thus women face pressures to marry because marriage greatly increases their social status- men not so much. Now if a man is straight, over 40 and never married people may think he’s immature (or gay) but they don’t think he’s DEFECTIVE the way they do women. Marriage here for the most part is seen as what’s best for the individual, and the way our society is structured men don’t benefit from marriage in the short term as much as women do. (Now later in life marriage greatly benefits men but by then the gender ratios are skewed) 
 

Personally I think this was a misstep with second wave feminism (not that it was a bad idea- but every movement has missteps), teaching women and girls they can be and do anything they want was fine, but then they insinuated women and girls would do everything and the men don’t have to do anything but have a pulse. 

[Neurochick]

5 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

IMO, that’s because marriage in India is seen as an institution to advance and protect the FAMILY (join the two families), where in mainstream North American culture (if there is such a thing), marriage is seen as the best institution for hetero women to raise children and get their sexual, emotional and financial needs met. Thus women face pressures to marry because marriage greatly increases their social status- men not so much. Now if a man is straight, over 40 and never married people may think he’s immature (or gay) but they don’t think he’s DEFECTIVE the way they do women. 

Very true.  It used to be that way in America.  In the past, women would marry for financial security and children and men would marry to get regular sex with a "good girl," have a clean house and home cooked meals.  The problem was that many people married for different reasons.  Today, even though marriage isn't NEEDED, women still feel the pressure but men don't.  I have a friend whose son (in his 40's) told her, "If I want a clean house, I'll hire a maid, if I want home cooked meals, I'll use a service, and if I want sex I'll have a girlfriend."

 

8 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Personally I think this was a misstep with second wave feminism (not that it was a bad idea- but every movement has missteps), teaching women and girls they can be and do anything they want was fine, but then they insinuated women and girls would do everything and the men don’t have to do anything but have a pulse. 

Correct, and with black women it's worse.

[Scarlett45]

16 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Correct, and with black women it's worse.

PREACH!!!!

 

16 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I have a friend whose son (in his 40's) told her, "If I want a clean house, I'll hire a maid, if I want home cooked meals, I'll use a service, and if I want sex I'll have a girlfriend."

Makes sense to me. 
 

Im a hetero woman but I feel no need to marry or partner with a man. I am Childfree, and I don’t think all of the emotional labor is worth it to have a male partner. Sex is pretty easy to get and once COVID-19 is over and we can vacation again I have friends for that. Nothing wrong with other women wanting a male partner (I hang out with married ppl all the time), but for me it seems like a lot of unnecessary work. (Even if they have an income equal to yours and you can share expenses)

 

In a society where marriage was expected I’d volunteer to care for the parents in their old age and keep my single status. 

[sugarbaker design]

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Im a hetero woman but I feel no need to marry or partner with a man. I am Childfree, and I don’t think all of the emotional labor is worth it to have a male partner. Sex is pretty easy to get and once COVID-19 is over and we can vacation again I have friends for that. Nothing wrong with other women wanting a male partner (I hang out with married ppl all the time), but for me it seems like a lot of unnecessary work. (Even if they have an income equal to yours and you can share expenses)

Since lockdown, my Covid-19 mantra has been "It could be way worse, I could be married!"

[Auntie Anxiety]

Still watching and don’t want to read spoilers; this might have been addressed already. Why does Pradhyuman(?) have a pinkie finger growing out of the side of his face? So unsightly and distracting. Calling Dr. Pimple Popper.

[TexasGal]

On 7/28/2020 at 12:19 PM, Auntie Anxiety said:

Why does Pradhyuman(?) have a pinkie finger growing out of the side of his face?

I'm surprised he hasn't had it removed, or stopped the crew from filming him from that side.  I didn't notice it until the scene where he was having dinner with his sister.  Then I couldn't unsee it!

[Stan39]

Somebody needs to tell Aparna that she’s an asshole. I understand she became less negative on dates later in the series, but she still seemed very full of herself and didn’t seem to grasp this wasn’t just about giving her what she wanted. Most men aren’t going to be attracted to her personality. And her, “He did that thing I hate. Where we’re on a date and he talks to other people. Like the bartender or waiter. He shouldn’t be concerned with people who are inconsequential in his life.” Wow. How do her friends not call her out on that. Poor tipping and being rude to wait staff is on EVERYBODY’s red flag list. 
 

Agree that this matchmaker sucks. She matched Nadia and Arapna with the same guy and, other than being women, they have nothing in common. 

[Stan39]

I’ll also point out this. A good friend of mine is very smart and worldly, loves to travel, so I assumed he’d be attracted to all the women we see on dating apps posting travel pictures or talking about travel as a hobby. He said it was just the opposite. That his experience dating women like that is that they don’t travel for the leisure or experience, but rather because they think it makes them interesting. I think he may be right. I’ve met people who travel that way, just check off boxes of things they’re supposed to see and do, take a quick selfie, then head back to the hotel. I got that feeling from Arapna. That she thinks “Traveling” is an identity for her. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

On 7/21/2020 at 10:44 PM, Kiss my mutt said:

I liked the guidance counselor but I always felt he was too “on” all the time. I’m sure it’s how he coped with insecurity but he would wear me out. 

Just watching him on this show was exhausting me. It’s like having to be a constant audience to an unfunny stand up comic. Either insecurity or he should switch to decaf.

[Stan39]

I had this on in the background to begin so I may have missed a lot of back story, but I appreciate that most of the people on the show aren’t the typical vapid, superficial reality stars only concerned with looks and social status. For the most part people seem open to getting to know one another and connecting beyond looks. Maybe there’s a sense of urgency pushing that, but it’s still refreshing. 
 

That being said, it always bugs me when a woman complains about men being superficial and caring about looks, then she turns around and says a guy needs to be a certain height to date her. And I’m tall, so it never really impacts me, other than it’s extremely hypocritical. I’ve even called out some of my girl friends on this, and shockingly they don’t even see it as superficial (even though they’re literally judging people based on appearance). I think Atinka did that on this show. 

[Neurochick]

I am watching "A Suitable Girl" and liking it.  

Don't watch "Four More Shots, Please."  It's crap, predictable garbage.  Season 1 was great.  Season 2...crap, pure crap.  

You know a show sucks when you know exactly what is going to happen, and it happens. 👎

[Auntie Anxiety]

After reading about where these people are now, I think the name of the show should be changed to Failed Indian Matchmaking.

[Stan39]

40 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

After reading about where these people are now, I think the name of the show should be changed to Failed Indian Matchmaking.

I tried a matchmaker years ago (nothing to do with Indian). It’s a total scam. Lots of marketing and false promises but ultimately they just throw two warm bodies together and hope for the best. You pay upfront before they start so they’re really not too incentivised. And in this case I would think it was extra difficult because of all the cultural and specific requests the families make. It sounds like they’ve made online dating sites for this, and I imagine those algorithms are just as good. By the time you type in required: age, height, religion, ethnicity, previous marriages, kids, education, job you’ve really reduced your dating pool. And then it gets further narrowed by the other side having to include you in their list. Then further narrowed down by picture. This is all before you even meet. 
 

What these people (and all single people) really need is a website or app that has you enter in all this information that then spits out how many people actually exist that fulfill those criteria. These families are delusional thinking there is an unlimited pool of available single people that meet their standards. That one dad who got really judgmental that the matchmaker chose a divorced guy with a kid, when his own daughter was divorced with a kid??? Made no sense. I don’t personally care and think it’s wrong, but it sounded like that divorced mother was going to have trouble finding a match just from her circumstances and needs. 

[sugarbaker design]

54 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

These families are delusional thinking there is an unlimited pool of available single people that meet their standards.

But they don't think that, that's why they got the matchmaker, that's why some traveled across the country to meet someone, because their exacting criteria has such a small pool of prospective mates.

 

56 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

That one dad who got really judgmental that the matchmaker chose a divorced guy with a kid, when his own daughter was divorced with a kid??

That was crazy.  But daddy was paying the matchmaker.

59 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

What these people (and all single people) really need is a website or app that has you enter in all this information that then spits out how many people actually exist that fulfill those criteria.

Well, not all single people, some single people are happy being single.

[Neurochick]

1 hour ago, Stan39 said:

What these people (and all single people) really need is a website or app that has you enter in all this information that then spits out how many people actually exist that fulfill those criteria.

Isn't that what sites like Match.Com do?

 

1 hour ago, Stan39 said:

I tried a matchmaker years ago (nothing to do with Indian). It’s a total scam. Lots of marketing and false promises but ultimately they just throw two warm bodies together and hope for the best.

That's basically what dating apps and sites like Match.Com do.  There is no way of knowing who or what will get along.  It's all a crapshoot.  

[Stan39]

19 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Isn't that what sites like Match.Com do?

 

That's basically what dating apps and sites like Match.Com do.  There is no way of knowing who or what will get along.  It's all a crapshoot.  

At least those sites don’t charge outrageous fees. 
 

And sites like Match.com tell you who’s out there who matches YOUR criteria, but nobody gives you feedback on the likelihood you meet other people’s criteria. There’s no real incentive to do this, other than a lot of people think very highly of themselves and assume everyone will be attracted to them. 

[Neurochick]

11 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

At least those sites don’t charge outrageous fees. 

True.  But people will pay if they think the matchmaker will give them better odds than a site like Match.Com.  In reality it's a crap shoot.

[sandwoman]

A catch-up video with lots of the participants: 

https://www.vulture.com/2020/07/indian-matchmaking-cast-reunites.html

[Irlandesa]

1 hour ago, Stan39 said:

And sites like Match.com tell you who’s out there who matches YOUR criteria, but nobody gives you feedback on the likelihood you meet other people’s criteria. There’s no real incentive to do this, other than a lot of people think very highly of themselves and assume everyone will be attracted to them. 

I remember hearing stories, back in the day, that eHarmony (the more 'traditional' matchmaking site that used to have its users fill out this massive profile--or at least it used to be, I have no idea what it's like now) used to give you some indication about matches.  IIRC, I remember an anecdote from someone who was in her 30s, an atheist and didn't want kids.  eHarmony told her she was basically unmatchable by saying there were 0 people who'd fit her criteria and want to date her based on things she said. 

But yeah, based on what we've seen, it didn't really seem like Sima gave great matches.  I mean, with someone like Aparna, why wouldn't she just walk away knowing that there was probably no one out there that would match her criteria?

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

True.  But people will pay if they think the matchmaker will give them better odds than a site like Match.Com.  In reality it's a crap shoot.

I don't know how the pricing structure works but I think the assumption is that people who pay more money for a matchmaker are more serious about actually settling down and getting married as opposed to dating sites where users use the site as both a hookup app and a place to find real relationships.

That's not how it seemed to work on this show, though. I think only one of the guys, the college counselor, actually seemed interested in settling down.  The two guys in India were being pushed into it by their families. 

[TwirlyGirly]

On 7/21/2020 at 6:57 PM, Pepper Mostly said:

Because he practically visibly winced/cringed whenever he spoke of actually marrying a woman. He couldn't name a quality or personality trait he'd like to see in a potential wife. He practically said "ew". Not because he likes to cook. I don't have very good gaydar but mine was pinging so loud everyone in the house heard it.  

"'I decided to be a part of #indianmatchmaking on @netflix as I am personally always looking forward to new experiences and also thought I could try a different way to find my life companion,' Maloo wrote in a lengthy Instagram post about the reasons why he joined the show in the first place. 'It was a radical yet conscious decision to find one of the most meaningful aspects of my life. I did end up in a rather intense process but leaving me with a beautiful experience. Also having a camera around was not easy as it makes you conscious but it made me push my boundaries and out of my comfort zone.'

Later on in the post, Maloo also decided to answer some questions from fans about himself, and after revealing that he had to look at over 150 dating profiles during the matchmaking process and that things with model and Miss India contestant Rushali Rai didn't work out in the long term after being introduced to her on the show, Maloo addressed the topic of his sexuality for fans and viewers who were curious to know. 

'And for those of you who are curious, I am not gay nor bisexual,' the Indian Matchmaking star said emphatically."

Indian Matchmaking Star Pradhyuman Maloo Responds to Those Gay/Bi Rumors

[Auntie Anxiety]

I don’t see any reference to the pinky finger growing out of his head. Or maybe I missed his answer to that?

[Irlandesa]

3 hours ago, sandwoman said:

A catch-up video with lots of the participants: 

https://www.vulture.com/2020/07/indian-matchmaking-cast-reunites.html

Thanks for that.  It was interesting to see these people outside of the show.  For the most part, they were in these interviews who they seemed on the show except Akshay came off 100% more human than he ever did on the show.  He smiled, he laughed, he seemed casual,  and he put together more than one sentence at a time. 

And Guru (the non-drinking health nut who seemed to judge Nadia for drinking) somehow came off as even worse than he did on the show.

[Neurochick]

I am watching "A Suitable Girl" and I find it kind of sad.  The saddest thing was

Spoiler

when one of the newly engaged men said he hopes he'll be reborn a European and marry at 40, if at all.  That he knew he HAD to get married because, that's just their culture. 

Maybe I'm just a dumb American.

[Paws]

Ashlkays  mom Preeti is like Reese Witherspoons characters in Big Little Lies and Little Fires Everywhere. Super controlling but she’s so pretty in that square chinned. determined, eternally young kind of way.
 

Aparna seems like a pill but at least she knows what she wants and doesn’t put up with bullshit. Vyasar seems so nice but he would grate on me after 30 minutes. 
 

it’s so interesting to me how quickly the conversations In India move in and out of Hindi and English Mid sentenc. My ear would never pick it up even if i were fluent in Hindi. I’m reliant on captioning. 

Edited July 31, 2020 by Paws

[hula-la]

2 hours ago, Paws said:

It’s so interesting to me how quickly the conversations In India move in and out of Hindi and English Mid sentenc. My ear would never pick it up even if i were fluent in Hindi. I’m reliant on captioning. 

I love hearing people flip back and forth between two languages! How their brains are able to do that is amazing. 

[Adiba]

8 hours ago, hula-la said:

I love hearing people flip back and forth between two languages! How their brains are able to do that is amazing. 

There was a large Spanish-speaking population where I went to high school. Many flipped between Spanish and English frequently--called "spanglish."

[Neurochick]

11 hours ago, hula-la said:

I love hearing people flip back and forth between two languages! How their brains are able to do that is amazing. 

Yes, I hear people do that in Spanish all the time.  

[QQQQ]

OMG, Akshay is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. Minus Larry. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

I’m pretty sure I read in the list of new streaming content for August that Season 2 starts mid-month. 

 

[ClareWalks]

Good Housekeeping wrote a "where are they now" article

[gingerella]

We watched the first 4 epis of this season and I knew you guys wouldn't disappoint me here! So let's get to it, shall we?

Aparna, what can one say? She's a fucking bitch and there's a reason she's single and rarely gets a second date with anyone, she's insufferable! I was so happy when she was gloating about the lawyer dude and thinking it was up to HER if she'd see him again, and there he is saying she's so negative and totally not a match. HA. She needs to get knocked down a few pegs, though I don't think she'd ever see that SHE is her biggest problem. I loved how Auntie Simi was able to suss out each person pretty much immediately. I wonder if watching this back, people like Aparna and her nasty mother even see how awful their behavior is...I pity the schmuck who marries this chick, but the face reader was so on the money - she needs a subservient man who will worship her and allow her to steamroll over his life 24/7. She can't handle someone standing up to her, and who would want that job anyway, when your reward is to look at that bitchface all the time?

Nadia was sweet I thought, and the guy who ghosted her will not find better IMO. I laughed aloud when I realized she was being set up with the lawyer who didn't like Arpana! I hope those kids make it.

Pradyawhatsit is definitely gay. I mean, the cooking, the metrosexualism, the closet, I mean he literally and figuratively built himself a closet he can live in forever! Pun intended, you're welcome! His sister was a treat though, wasn't she? She looked like her torso was swallowing her head and soon her neck would disappear into her shoulders, such an odd posture.

I loved the face reader, the astrologer, and life coach, and Simi.

The school counselor...he's a big manchild, who wants to be a stay at home dad? Good fucking luck with finding an Indian wife who'll put up with that bub! Go find a nice American girl who likes that idea instead.

Looking forward to meeting the other numnuts tonight!

 

Oh, and to whomever asked about being gay in India, it's very unacceptable, especially in the upper class families like Prad's. Some might be more accepting but overall one can generalize that your mother, even if she knows or you tell her directly, is still going to expect you to marry a woman and turn out some children, for the sake of the family's reputation.

[EarlGreyTea]

According to this site, season two will drop August 16. If true, I CANNOT WAIT.

[ClareWalks]

1 hour ago, EarlGreyTea said:

According to this site, season two will drop August 16. If true, I CANNOT WAIT.

I wonder if it's actually a second season or if it's a second half of season one. Not trying to be pedantic because I would love more episodes, I just thought the "last episode" was kind of weird because it didn't give updates on a bunch of the participants. Maybe the "second half of season 1" would tie up those loose ends?

[EarlGreyTea]

1 hour ago, ClareWalks said:

I wonder if it's actually a second season or if it's a second half of season one. Not trying to be pedantic because I would love more episodes, I just thought the "last episode" was kind of weird because it didn't give updates on a bunch of the participants. Maybe the "second half of season 1" would tie up those loose ends?

I'll take it. You may be right. For some odd reason they left a lot of couples hanging, and there were a few people who were shown in the very first episode, then dropped. I wonder if the pandemic has made Netflix stagger their programming.

[Neurochick]

15 hours ago, gingerella said:

Aparna, what can one say? She's a fucking bitch and there's a reason she's single and rarely gets a second date with anyone, she's insufferable!

I think her problem was that she's allowed her mother to tell her who she is.  Her mother told her to be a lawyer, now she's a lawyer (even though she said she hates being a lawyer)  I think her mother had run her entire life, she's pissed at her but can't show it.

[Enero]

On 7/22/2020 at 7:04 PM, Hanya2 said:

With some of these people, I wonder if they just wanted to be on TV.

 

Isn’t that every reality TV show? LOL. Though the show revealed some interesting aspects of the Indian culture and what is expected with regards to marriage, I didn’t think any of these people were truly sincere in finding everlasting love and marriage through the matchmaker. I think they all had agendas for coming on the show and most had nothing to do with love. 

On 7/21/2020 at 2:46 AM, Memphisbelly said:

I thought Akshay was in love with his cousin.
 

I’ve seen several people mention this and I just didn’t see it. They seemed to get along well but there was no sexual tension between them. More like a friendship vibe than anything else. 

Was I the only one who thought Vinay was gay? When Nadia spoke so highly of their commonalities and how great the date went I thought girl it’s never going to work because dude is gay. Then not surprising he eventually flakes without an explanation.

 

[TexasGal]

4 hours ago, Neurochick said:

I think her problem was that she's allowed her mother to tell her who she is.  Her mother told her to be a lawyer, now she's a lawyer (even though she said she hates being a lawyer)  I think her mother had run her entire life, she's pissed at her but can't show it.

To be fair, speaking as a lawyer who many years ago thought about changing paths but couldn’t figure out what else I’d do AND as someone who has many other lawyer friends who hate it, that part is not that unusual.  She seemed like she had just inherited her mother’s stank attitude and believed everything her mother was telling her about people not being good enough for her.

I also found it odd that her sister seemed so different, friendly, and had already married a non-Indian man.  How’d she break away?

[Neurochick]

10 minutes ago, TexasGal said:

To be fair, speaking as a lawyer who many years ago thought about changing paths but couldn’t figure out what else I’d do AND as someone who has many other lawyer friends who hate it, that part is not that unusual.  She seemed like she had just inherited her mother’s stank attitude and believed everything her mother was telling her about people not being good enough for her.

I also found it odd that her sister seemed so different, friendly, and had already married a non-Indian man.  How’d she break away?

I think Aparna followed her mother's playbook to the letter.  Her mother probably pushed her to be a lawyer and she caved.  She's like the women I knew in college, whose parents picked out the courses for them. 

Her sister probably refused to be what her mother wanted her to be. 

Edited August 2, 2020 by Neurochick