S09.E12: Bear With Me

[Elizzikra]

18 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

I think Matt's got what Tiger Woods had regarding sex!  

A penis and a lack of personal responsibility?

[LuvMyShows]

6 hours ago, Lindz said:

Are they asked what they imagine marriage will be like? Overall? Daily? How it will be? What makes a healthy marriage? Come on!

I know they ask them some things, but I don't think they go to this level, and they should!  For Matt to have said that he has been surprised how much work marriage has been, indicates that clearly no realistic discussion occurred.

[Delta Blow]

On 8/29/2019 at 1:27 AM, Ms.C. said:

Last comment.  KEITH IS SO TOTALLY. HE KED OUT he can hardly tolerate Iris. He can’t hide it.

So much so, that Iris doesn’t even C him.

[Delta Blow]

Have to repost.

Edited September 1, 2019 by tvtubebaby
Couldn’t figure out how to fix.

[Delta Blow]

On 8/29/2019 at 10:32 AM, KateHearts said:

And he is also the type that won't let something go. In the car last week when he started in again about the NASCAR track idiocy, he would not. stop. going. on. and. on.  "I can't believe you aren't sorry for what you did. I can't believe anyone would want to act that way. I've never...." all just drilling and drilling and drilling. 

This trait of Jamie’s is a learned one that can be tempered.  I came by this trait myself, quite honestly, as it was foisted on me as a kid, and have been both victim and victimizer with in this as an adult.  I sabotaged relationships with this, and if Jamie doesn’t get a clue, he will too. I make conscious decisions all the time about  tone and words I use with my husband—we belabor very little that’s unnecessary because  love and respect. These two lobs are flinging daggers that aren’t even in my array. I don’t know that Jamie can change because I don’t think he sees himself as part of the problem. 

Jamie is no better than Elizabeth; if one must compare, he is actually worse because he is publicly contemptuous of her and verbally abusive toward her in her boisterous moments, internalizes it, and then basically berates her because of her personality. I am boisterous and make best friends in the hot dog line, and my husband is shy around strangers. We’ve developed gentle signals for me to tone it down that don’t hit my feelings, and so he’s not mortified.  This shit ain’t built in 8 weeks.

[Delta Blow]

On 8/30/2019 at 9:41 AM, Lindz said:

Show EVIDENCE! PICS! VIDEO! It's not that bad if he doesn't touch her or kiss her. It better not be overhype.

Receipts! We need receipts! 

tm Whitney Houston, RIP. 

[LennieBriscoe]

I love this "trashy forum,"  ilovepie! I laugh; I wince; I say, "Aha!" 

Not everything needs be viewed or assessed through an "appropriate for children?" lens, IMO.

This show, what with its discussions and portrayals of "sexy times" (tm Big Red) or not ("Virginity! Virginity! Virginity!"); its "bleeped but not very well" language; its "wild and crazy adults" basic premise (the attempted gravitas of Pastor Cal and Dr. Viv notwithstanding) all adds up to an obvious "Not for Impressionable Minds" (maybe even an obvious "Not for Any Minds," but that's another story!). 

Even so, childless though I am, I'm pretty sure kids have been known to make "harsh judgments on people [they] don't know."

Human nature: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Edited September 1, 2019 by LennieBriscoe

[KateHearts]

re: Amber's need for daily sex. I don't find this odd, except for in her case, it seems to be a need for validation through sex rather than a real physical desire.  Sex has been the only way Matt has remotely shown any interest in her, so she equates that with interest and affection. She has immature views of love, which makes sense since she has mom/abandonment issues. Interesting that her sister doesn't seem as damaged, from what we've seen.

I would venture a guess that Jamie and Elizabeth continue in their charade after decision day, because they are all about the histrionic relationship- break up to make up, throw furniture, freeze each other out, disappear for a few days, etc. Jamie is liking it because he can portray his "calm" demeanor- sitting there blankly while she carries on and then pat himself on the back for being logical and reasonable. I really don't know what they see in each other and it appears that the affection they display is really just play-acting. 

[Ilovepie]

9 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

I love this "trashy forum,"  ilovepie! I laugh; I wince; I say, "Aha!" 

Not everything needs be viewed or assessed through an "appropriate for children?" lens, IMO.

 This show, what with its discussions and portrayals of "sexy times" (tm Big Red) or not ("Virginity! Virginity! Virginity!"); its "bleeped but not very well" language; its "wild and crazy adults" basic premise (the attempted gravitas of Pastor Cal and Dr. Viv notwithstanding) all adds up to an obvious "Not for Impressionable Minds" (maybe even an obvious "Not for Any Minds," but that's another story!). 

Even so, childless though I am, I'm pretty sure kids have been known to make "harsh judgments on people [they] don't know."

 Human nature: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I love it too @LennieBriscoe - it’s why I look at it every day! I was more responding to someone else’s comments than issuing an indictment of this forum. I myself am guilty of what I was describing here!

Of course all people, not just kids, issue judgements on people they don’t know. That’s exactly what this forum is for. I’m just trying to raise some decent humans who were born in the era of social media where everyone feels entitled to speak whatever awfulness they like under the blanket of anonymity. It’s hard. 

“Not for any minds” - ha! True story- I think my iq drops a smidge every time I watch this show! 😂

[KateHearts]

19 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

We will have to agree to disagree @Yeah No. I don’t think monitoring what my kids watch and making sure it’s age appropriate is turning them into special snowflakes.

I applaud you for wanting to monitor what your kids watch. But just be aware that although your daughter "only watches YouTube," there is a lot of crap available there, too. Including full episodes of shows such as this one.

[Yeah No]

On 8/31/2019 at 7:42 PM, Ilovepie said:

We will have to agree to disagree @Yeah No. I don’t think monitoring what my kids watch and making sure it’s age appropriate is turning them into special snowflakes. I think that’s good parenting. I do think a lot of the comments on here, if uttered out loud and to someone’s face would come across as incredibly mean. I think we come here to vent and snark and that’s ok, but I just don’t think a place where people are making fun of others hair, body, clothes, etc. is ok, nor do I want them reading comments about these people’s sex lives. This is not a kids show, and this is not, in my opinion, a forum for kids.  My kids go to public school; I am not naive - I’m sure they know more than I am comfortable with. But I do think being exposed to everything at a young age is not always good or beneficial, and I try to monitor it while I still can. I sometimes think I shouldn’t be watching this horrible show - why would I want my kids doing it?!?

Oh for sure I think monitoring what kids watch is what any parent should do.  I personally don't think this show is good for young teens to watch in the first place - I was referring to Amber's students, who are probably watching the show anyway because their teacher is on it.  I am with you on not thinking this is good TV for young teens to watch.  I just think there are a lot worse places on the internet than this board.  You can't go anywhere where people are posting and NOT see a lot of truly vile, nasty and mean spirited comments that make pretty much anything posted here seem decent and kind by comparison.  A lot of what is out there is not moderated like this board is.  We have to be somewhat respectful and decent here.  Not so on sites like You Tube, which has some of the most vile and nasty crap posted under videos that I've ever seen (and a lot of it posted by kids, too).  That's why I say that if they're going to read anything about this show it might be better to read this board than most others out there. 

6 hours ago, KateHearts said:

I applaud you for wanting to monitor what your kids watch. But just be aware that although your daughter "only watches YouTube," there is a lot of crap available there, too. Including full episodes of shows such as this one.

Exactly.  Probably along with some pretty crappy comments underneath that make anything here look positively decent.

[Ilovepie]

@Yeah No & @KateHearts - I completely agree about YouTube. I do monitor what my kiddos watch on there, which unfortunately results in some of the most mind numbing stuff I have ever seen or heard. They mostly watch gamers discussing and playing video games. Talk about mind numbing! Have you ever heard of Dan TDM?!? Or Markiplier??? If you want to slowly lose your mind just turn that on and listen for 10 minutes......And it’s true - the comments here are nothing compared to there. I don’t think my kids read them though bc they are watching on the tv. 

Good grief, how did this discussion get here? Back to the show......ummm......isn’t Greg awesome? 😋

[Scout Finch]

Over the course of two hours this morning:

Going to the bathroom, which is upstairs, and one of the biggest spiders I've ever seen in my townhouse comes crawling out from under the counter less than a foot away. Spider in wad of TP is frantically dispatched down the toilet.

About an hour later, I open the front door to get the Amazon Prime Now order off the doorstep and a small black spider runs inside. The body type--for the few seconds it took me to have to look at it before grabbing it with a tissue--looks similar to a black widow! It is dispatched via the downstairs standard operating procedure: frantically run into the kitchen, shove tissue/spider into garbage disposal, and then run hot water and the disposal for a minute or two, periodically shouting, "DIE! DIE!"

THEN, about 15 minutes ago I was vacuuming the stairs and on the wall right between the upstairs and downstairs was a spider exactly like the one in the bathroom (and I know I got rid of that one). All I can think of is to suck it up with a hose even though I'm 99% sure it won't kill it. I have a small place so I quickly did the downstairs in about five minutes and then looked to see if I needed to empty the clear plastic canister. Sure enough, evil is still alive halfway down but advancing upward. White knuckle panic as I run it over to the sink but am scared to open it to get it out because it keeps getting partially blocked by dust bunnies. Finally, though, I manage to dispatch it down the garbage disposal, too. YAY!

People, I live in an urban setting in the Pacific Northwest. WTF? Three fucking spiders so far today?! If I find one in the bedroom, I may have to move suddenly...

The above preface is necessary so that you can fully comprehend the fury behind my "FUCK YOU!" to Elizabeth for not being the least bit understanding!

(If any fellow arachnophobes want to see the most hilarious comedy routine about being one of us, search for British comedian "Phill Jupitus" and "spiders." He's arranged them into three categories and the first one is nailing the door shut and never using the room again where you spotted a C1 but couldn't get to it before it got away. I've watched it an infinite amount of times and it still cracks me up!)

Edited September 3, 2019 by Scout Finch

[Ohwell]

I'm not afraid of spiders but, unlike Elizabeth, I certainly would have smashed the sucker or at least let the other couples know that there was a spider so they could kill it.

[Yeah No]

I'm not afraid of spiders either and thankfully because I see them every now and then in my house, although not quite as large as the one on this show.  Then again I don't kill them, I let Mr. Yeah No do the honors.

Now, I'm originally from NYC so I consider spiders relatively "cute" and harmless compared to the bugs I grew up with.  I think if you grow up around roaches and huge honking water bugs spiders are downright  innocuous by comparison.  I am scarred for life by the nasty disgusting bugs in NY so ants and spiders are absolutely NOTHING by comparison, LOL.  Besides, they eat other bugs!  The only thing that annoys me about them is the mess they leave behind with the carcasses of the bugs they eat.....

Edited September 2, 2019 by Yeah No

[Ilovepie]

I am deathly afraid of spiders, and I don’t like killing things. If I had encountered that thing that was on this show I would have backed slowly out of the room and waited until someone else killed it.......

[Kareem]

I saw Charlotte’s Web on tv when I was very young, after reading the book.  Afterwards I was never afraid of spiders and would’ve taken it outside. I would not have made a production of it. Beth could have done that rather than making the others live with it. 

[Scout Finch]

 

 

 

1

4 hours ago, Kareem said:

I saw Charlotte’s Web on tv when I was very young, after reading the book.  Afterwards I was never afraid of spiders and would’ve taken it outside. I would not have made a production of it. Beth could have done that rather than making the others live with it. 

I loved the Charlotte's Web book and also recall getting up really, really close to a spider web when I was 11 and watching what happened to the fly that had been caught. I was so close that I swear I could see the spider's fangs biting into it. I'm pretty certain that was not the turning point, surprisingly, but I eventually became deathly afraid of them as I got older. It's SO bad that if I suddenly come across a picture of one in a magazine or whatever, after a loud "GODDAMMIT!" I gingerly turn the page to ensure that I am not touching the photo. Intellectually, I know it's not suddenly come to life if I touch it but my irrational phobia doesn't want to risk it!

[Lindz]

On 8/29/2019 at 7:20 PM, Elizzikra said:

If she works in a faith-based program with tweens and teens, I'm sure her virginty is seen as a great asset and one she should vocally model for the young folk.

Model how to be a ho virgin that has other types of sex? 😂😂 Yeahhhh. Noooo. NOT PURE!

[Ilovepie]

@Scout Finch - you sound exactly like me! I cannot stand them! My family thinks I'm pathetic because if one gets on or near me I scream like a little girl. It's so ridiculous - my 10 yo and 14 yo will kill them for me if my husband isn't around, and they now just roll their eyes and look at me like, "get a grip, lady!"...........

[suzeecat]

HATE Spiders and guess what, 'tis the season!  When it starts to get cool outside they are looking to come in where it's warm.  I'm not a complete monster but sorry (not sorry), I hate 'em and will absolutely smash them if I see them in my house.  It's MY house, not theirs!  I will leave them alone outside because that is technically their home and hey, they have a whole lotta space compared to what I consider "mine"!  It's called BOUNDARIES, spidey!

[lh25]

23 hours ago, Scout Finch said:

People, I live in an urban setting in the Pacific Northwest. WTF? Three fucking spiders so far today?! If I find one in the bedroom, I may have to move suddenly...

I'm with you!  We've noticed more spiders this year then in many past years

[Lindz]

Just started watching Unfiltered this season, any other seasons go without a spouse participating the entire season? Guesses for why Deonna hasn't been on.... Greg blindsided her on D Day or she's preggo & showing. 😉😝

[Rae Spellman]

6 hours ago, Lindz said:

Just started watching Unfiltered this season, any other seasons go without a spouse participating the entire season? Guesses for why Deonna hasn't been on.... Greg blindsided her on D Day or she's preggo & showing. 😉😝

Greg has only been on Unfiltered once.

The wedding was approximately 3/21. What are the chances that Deonna got pregnant in early April, the first time they had sex, and was so visibly pregnant 2-3 months later that the show decided not to have her on Unfiltered? When I mentioned the timeline weeks ago, there was that speculation that maybe Deonna was already pregnant on her wedding day from one of the situationships. That seems doubtful, though.

[Yeah No]

8 hours ago, Lindz said:

Just started watching Unfiltered this season, any other seasons go without a spouse participating the entire season? Guesses for why Deonna hasn't been on.... Greg blindsided her on D Day or she's preggo & showing. 😉😝

There was one other recent season in which a female spouse only appeared once on "Unfiltered" but I don't remember who it was.  Maybe someone with a better memory can clue us in.  And I don't think it was because they were pregnant although I'm not really sure about that either.  I seem to remember some talk about it being a conflict with their work schedule.  I think the entire season is filmed in a day or only a few days so there may be scheduling conflicts that prevent a spouse from participating.

[suzeecat]

12 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I seem to remember some talk about it being a conflict with their work schedule.  I think the entire season is filmed in a day or only a few days so there may be scheduling conflicts that prevent a spouse from participating.

This is what I think it is about Deonna not being on Unfiltered.  The way they are all wearing the same clothes in every episode, it's clear they film this all in one day.  That may have been a day that for whatever reason - work, illness, family emergency, etc. - Deonna just wasn't available to film.  I would be ecstatic to find that she is expecting, but if she is, it's doubtful she would be showing enough that it couldn't be disguised. 

[sara416]

On 8/28/2019 at 7:17 PM, cinsays said:

So Liz saw nothing wrong with her behavior at the race car event? Really? Talking over the guy trying to talk was fine.  And the others said nothing either.  Dang

This show does a lot of editing to  ake things seem one way when they really weren't. Something about that scene seemed off to me, and I wonder if it was quite as blatant as the editing made it out to be. 

[Drogo]

On 8/28/2019 at 8:17 PM, cinsays said:

So Liz saw nothing wrong with her behavior at the race car event? Really? Talking over the guy trying to talk was fine.  And the others said nothing either.  Dang

Liz only cares about Liz and will do whatever Liz wants to do at any given moment.  The reason why no one took up for her is because she was in the wrong - Jamie shouldn't have STFU'd her, but she did need to stop talking. 

If there was any doubt she's as self-centered, then she snaps at the track employee who wants to give them a souvenir because she was in the middle of screaming at Jamie.   

[configdotsys]

My DVR description says Deonna and Jamie are on tonight's Unfiltered.

[ChristmasJones]

Not defending Jamie's actions, but sometimes I get the feeling that he is reacting to deeper poor character traits in Beth.... aspects of her that are subtle, that he notices the more time they spend together. Then eventually he blows up about it. Again, his approach is incorrect, but he might have some legit complaints. 

Two of the things he has been angry about are her focusing on herself when looking at the album, and then not having humility about how she acted at the race track.  Both of those are aspects of character, not just someone having an off day or being in a grouchy mood.

Maybe on a deeper level he is realizing that while he is attracted to her physically  and finds her entertaining, there are aspects of that he really doesn't like.  

I can see how this could happen on this show. 

Edited September 4, 2019 by ChristmasJones

[humbleopinion]

Jamie needed to bring Lizzy a bouquet of flowers every night if he wanted a chance of sexy time...a 10-15 dollar investment with a bunch of flowers at Trader Joes or Costco would have done wonders for putting his wife in the mood...Beth tells him she wants flowers...

If Deonna told Greg that she liked flowers you bet he would have brought home bouquets of flowers every single day of their experiment on the outside chance that he would have a  infinitesimal  chance for sex....

[CaliCat]

On 8/29/2019 at 4:10 PM, Ilovepie said:

Wow. That seemed downright tame compared to last season with drunk AJ. I guess I was expecting more drama, but no.

I cannot believe an entire group of grown ups were peer pressuring another adult into drinking tequila first thing in the morning. Yes, Iris needs to remove that giant stick she has up her butt, but what a bunch of asses. I wouldn't have drank (or drunk? what is the right tense??? Grammar nazis school me please!) that either.

Everyone has talked about how damaged Amber is, but last night I really see that Matt is a giant emotional mess as well, just in a different way. Amber saying on Unfiltered that "Matt doesn't have a love language", and "Matt loves himself so much he doesn't need a lot of human companionship" raises a lot of red flags to me. These are things that someone who has been deeply hurt says to avoid being hurt more. As someone who recognizes the false bravado and has been to therapy to deal with childhood hurts, I recognize the massive walls up to avoid real intimacy. His estrangement from his family and being on his own from a young age is telling. I think he needs a boatload of therapy. He's a mess and he's lying to himself. And other people. That was quite a show he put on at the retreat. He's Luke all over - says the right thing while the cameras roll, and does another when they're gone. I hope there is some comeuppance in the works and he is forced to own up to what he has done. "I've worked really hard". What a load of horseshit. People keep saying Iris is emotionally immature, but I think Matt is too - his behavior is stunted and he's acting like a college kid, not a grown married adult man.

What were Iris and Keith and Matt and Amber doing while Jamie and Liz went to the salt cave and Deonna and Gregg ate bugs???? Bad editing.

I think Keith is pulling a Will - just playing nice and riding this out until D-day.

Seeing Raven really made me pissed that these were the guys that got chosen this season. For the love of Anthony D'Amico, why?????? Why, when there is a perfectly attractive and seemingly well adjusted guy available for the show? Or are they only allowed to pick one per season? (Greg being the chosen one this season)........

Grammar nazi here!🙋🏻 We’re so rarely asked for our input that I had to respond. 💜 It’s “I haven’t drunk.” So many people say it wrong that it sounds funny when you say it right, but I encourage you to say it right anyway.  

Thanks for the analysis about Matt, btw. You have a lot of insight. 

[AmyBre]

On 9/1/2019 at 1:34 AM, LennieBriscoe said:

Human nature: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Lennie, this is for you. 

Once in the late 90s, I saw Jerry Orbach (the actor who played Lennie on Law & Order) at a corner of Madison Avenue and the 40s.  He was at a light waiting to cross.  I glanced in that direction and there he was.   A tall and handsome older gentleman, with tons of presence.  I looked at him and smiled and he smiled back and nodded.  Super cool and approachable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TgJz3BDqS8    Let the video run to the end to see Mr. Orbach give a lesson on good acting.

 

[LennieBriscoe]

2 hours ago, AmyBre said:

Lennie, this is for you. 

Once in the late 90s, I saw Jerry Orbach (the actor who played Lennie on Law & Order) at a corner of Madison Avenue and the 40s.  He was at a light waiting to cross.  I glanced in that direction and there he was.   A tall and handsome older gentleman, with tons of presence.  I looked at him and smiled and he smiled back and nodded.  Super cool and approachable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TgJz3BDqS8   Let the video run to the end to see Mr. Orbach give a lesson on good acting.

 

JEALOUS MAXIMUS!!

I walked into a street scene of  "L&O" once, but by then it was "Green and Fontana."

P.S. The screen is on FIRE with charisma in that clip! I'm like the chick who "WOOOO"s! Jerry "made his bones" on Broadway as a song-and-dance man! 

Edited January 5, 2020 by LennieBriscoe

[AmyBre]

On 1/4/2020 at 8:12 PM, LennieBriscoe said:

JEALOUS MAXIMUS!!

I walked into a street scene of  "L&O" once, but by then it was "Green and Fontana."

P.S. The screen is on FIRE with charisma in that clip! I'm like the chick who "WOOOO"s! Jerry "made his bones" on Broadway as a song-and-dance man! 

That's funny Lennie.  I tell you another related story that could only happen to a Law and Order superfan like me.  Many many years ago, I was flying from either San Francisco or Las Vegas to New York and watched Green, Fontana and their Lieutenant Anita Van Buren walk by me as they came out of a plane I was taking back to New York.   If you've lived in New York, it is very likely that you have seen a Law and Order episode being filmed.   Very common as one can imagine.