S23.E02: Week 2

[JenE4]

I love that this girl has CLOTHES on under this robe but just put a robe on top to screw with these bitches—THEN comes down to announce to them how she gave him a massage and he loved it! Now she’s tracking down the crying fashion police officer. FINALLY things are getting good! Thank you, producer who came up with this one; I presume Elan.

[tennisgurl]

"Does she not have parents?!"

Well her mom is in jail, so...

[LakeGal]

Demi's voice and laugh is getting on my nerves.

[Mu Shu]

Now she’s acting like Fancy, making poor olde Robo Tracey cry. I hope  it gets better

[nutty1]

“Does she not have parents?” Best line! Who said that?!

[Mu Shu]

Who is the one who looks like an Eastern European supermodel?

[bosawks]

There’s not a synaptic spark in this entire group.

[SallyAlbright]

OF COURSE he let the "dog rescuer" go. The only one I had a remote interest in "getting to know."

[saber5055]

He is calling names at the RC that I've never heard before. "Who?" Oh well.

It must be hotter than hades since everyone has shiny-ass faces. Not a good look.

[Ms Blue Jay]

Never Been Kissed and Cassie (?) are both pretty, but they both remind me of each other.  Never Been Kissed has really cute dimples.  And their triplet is the one who had the Aussie accent on Day 1, she's really pretty too.

OMG, I need the GIF of Hannah hissing FOREVER.

Edited January 15, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[tennisgurl]

Next Week: Colton is still a virgin. No one could possibly care.

Oh my God, is Hannah hissing?! YES! 

[dizzyd]

TG for Nick Offerman for at least 1 minute of entertainment!

[saber5055]

End credits: Meghan's "Of course!' when Colton tells her it will "all be worth it" actually made me LOL. I had to wade through two hours of this dreck to find something actually entertaining.

[JenE4]

Thanks for the best part of the show—posting with you guys! Time for Van Der Pump Rules, where we’re guaran-fuckin-teed NOT to hear the word “virgin.” 

[nutty1]

10 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

Who is the one who looks like an Eastern European supermodel?

Do you mean Sydney

[Ms Blue Jay]

11 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Thanks for the best part of the show—posting with you guys! Time for Van Der Pump Rules, where we’re guaran-fuckin-teed NOT to hear the word “virgin.” 

I DVR'd "Happy Together".  It's this really cute show they air at 8:30 PM EST here.  Gonna watch that now.  Love you guys.  

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, nutty1 said:

Do you mean Sydney

No, he let her go.  Long brown hair, full lips.

but I like Sydney.  She reminds me of Shannen Doherty, who I love.  

I’m sorry, but Tracy looks old enough to be his mother.  Tracy dear, please take a chill pill and look for a guy in the 30-45 age range.  This guy is very naive. 

[saber5055]

3 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Thanks for the best part of the show—posting with you guys! 

I agree, this is the best part of Monday night, you guys here, live posting. See ya'll next Monday.

[hyacinth]

Cole-ton says he first looks at eyes, and then teeth.    Is that... normal for a guy?   I don't think I've ever really focussed on the teeth of a guy whom I was dating.   (And I've dated a few.)    

One of my best friends died in her sleep last week and I promptly went off Dry January but even through my wine fog I was like, "Who's Nina?"  when she got voted out of the tribe. 

Cole-ton seems like a nice guy but I managed to see a red flag.   Miss Alabama seemed stumped about a toast idea and was clearly uncomfortable and Cole-ton just kept pressing for a toast.   Then he tipped his big head to look accusingly at Hannah B or G (evil wine) until she finally toasted her own birthday, which I thought was a good toast, all things considered.    

Edited January 15, 2019 by hyacinth

[GracieK]

My Croatian girl Nina made it through.. guess I’ll stick around for another week.

[saber5055]

I'm so sorry for your loss, @hyacinth. Cyber hugs to you.

[dizzyd]

15 minutes ago, bosawks said:

There’s not a synaptic spark in this entire group.

Surely you weren't expecting one!

[bosawks]

1 minute ago, dizzyd said:

Surely you weren't expecting one!

Optimism dies hard....

[ECM1231]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear friend, hyacinth.

[tennisgurl]

This is already a weird season. Colton seems nice enough, but the guy isnt exactly Mr. Personality. And most of the women seem to be somewhere between "nice if unmemorable" to "can literally not string a sentence together they are so slow" to "probably on a watch list somewhere". Granted, that makes the episode a teeny bit more interesting, but this season has been pretty dull so far. Like, its so dull, the thing that the show is most focusing on is the fact that Colton hasn't gotten around to boning anyone yet, Like, are there really people that care THAT much? Who havnt been paid to care?!

Demi is presumably our new villain. I mean, Cougar attacks? Woman who are about 30 are cougars now? You keep using that word. I dont think it means what you think it means. But, as one girl helpfully mentioned, she might not have parents...that arent in jail...

I do feel like the producers wanted to do something different with the Bachelor this season, and wanted to have a guy from an underrepresented group. But instead of a Black bachelor...or an Asian bachelor...or even a gay or bisexual bachelor...we get the Virgin bachelor. Ok then.

[saber5055]

3 minutes ago, tennisgurl said:

But instead of a Black bachelor...or an Asian bachelor...or even a gay or bisexual bachelor...we get the Virgin bachelor.

Oh, if only. Any of the above except the Virgin, please. Can we call for a Do Over? Maybe when Col-ton leaps the privacy fence we can bring in a Black Asian Bisexual guy to take his place.

[Mu Shu]

15 minutes ago, hyacinth said:

Cole-ton says he first looks at eyes, and then teeth.    Is that... normal for a guy?   I don't think I've ever really focussed on the teeth of a guy whom I was dating.   (And I've dated a few.)    

One of my best friends died in her sleep last week and I promptly went off Dry January but even through my wine fog I was like, "Who's Nina?"  when she got voted out of the tribe. 

Cole-ton seems like a nice guy but I managed to see a red flag.   Miss Alabama seemed stumped about a toast idea and was clearly uncomfortable and Cole-ton just kept pressing for a toast.   Then he tipped his big head to look accusingly at Hannah B or G (evil wine) until she finally toasted her own birthday, which I thought was a good toast, all things considered.    

Oh man, that’s sad.  Sorry to hear that.

[Sepalma23]

Wow Annie chick he let go is spitting image of Erin Andrews!!

[Wandering Snark]

Wow, I need a lineup sheet desperately... (eta: Ooh here's one. Now I know it's Courtney who is the girl who needs a new part in her hair to draw away from her fivehead not accentuate it.) so little to differentiate so many of these women! And they again snuck in women (I feel more like saying 'girls' actually!) we'd not seen before at the rose ceremony. What's up with that? I mean that brunette (Alex... who at least didn't have to change her name in the transition so that's nice) with the way open back dress that got cut? To quote Austin Powers "Doesn't she look, kind of... mannish?" 

I think we can all collectively take back anything nice we said about Demi before tonight... she's VERY calculated, see robe over a dress just to fuck with the rest of the girls' minds. She knows exactly what she's doing and doesn't care. So that just makes her kind of pathetic, not exactly mean, maybe just cold? I think she thinks she is doing what she can to "win" but that's what is making me roll my eyes at her silly little games. Very young in action and thought.

16 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

bring in a Black Asian Bisexual guy to take his place.

And they can replace half this 'dating pool' with men suggested by tonight's gay guest! We'd see who was fabulous then! Oh and the Bach would need to be left handed with green eyes as we've learned previously to make him really rare!

And f that girl with the air horn (Onyeka)... and she thinks that calling other women bitches is the height of edgy comedy. Yeah, how about you sit down.

Edited January 15, 2019 by Wandering Snark

[Mu Shu]

17 minutes ago, Wandering Snark said:

Wow, I need a lineup sheet desperately... so little to differentiate so many of these women! And they again snuck in women (I feel more like saying 'girls' actually!) we'd not seen before at the rose ceremony. What's up with that? I mean that brunette with the way open back dress that got cut? To quote Austin Powers "Doesn't she look, kind of... mannish?" 

I think we can all collectively take back anything nice we said about Demi before tonight... she's VERY calculated, see robe over a dress just to fuck with the rest of the girls' minds. She knows exactly what she's doing and doesn't care. So that just makes her kind of pathetic, not exactly mean, maybe just cold? I think she thinks she is doing what she can to "win" but that's what is making me roll my eyes at her silly little games. Very young in action and thought.

And they can replace half this 'dating pool' with men suggested by tonight's gay guest! We'd see who was fabulous then! Oh and the Bach would need to be left handed with green eyes as we've learned previously to make him really rare!

And f that girl with the air horn... and she thinks that calling other women bitches is the height of edgy comedy. Yeah, how about you sit down.

 

Oneonyka and her eyebrows are annoying and boring.  So she’s Catherine and Tracy’s nemesis.  They’re also annoying and boring.

Heres what you need to know.  The one with red hair looks like Lauren Bacall.  The basketball dancer one looks like Shannen Doherty.  There may or may not be 2 Hannah’s.  There is one who looks like Reese Witherspoon and Beverly d Angelo.  According to Fancy, the one with the prison mom, there are ladies there old enough to be drawing social security.  I believe it about Tracy, who looks like Danielle Staub. 

Finally, Colton is the lead.  Yeah, he’s pretty forgettable.  And he may have vaginaphobia.   That is all. 

Also, I hate the habit of younger women of calling other women bitches.  It sounds pretty lame what with all the uptalk.  These marshmallows trying to be hard, and failing.  Go get a cup of broth you infants. 

Edited January 15, 2019 by Mu Shu

[Ms Blue Jay]

I can't believe Billy is single.

[SHD]

Can we have a season where Billy Eichner replaces Chris Harrison? 

[saber5055]

7 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I can't believe Billy is single.

Man, I would sign up for his season ... and I'm straight.

[Kiss my mutt]

Did the woman who interrupted chat time with an air horn get a rose? The screen was getting garbled during live stream.  

Demi, wow, she’s shameless and I feel like there is some sinister element with her.

I really wish Tracy would have been sent home. She doesn’t seem to have the emotional stamina for this if she’s bawling in the second episode.  I’m not sure what’s going on with her skull.  It was like she was malnourished growing up.

[Ms Blue Jay]

12 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Man, I would sign up for his season ... and I'm straight.

Same :(

11 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Did the woman who interrupted chat time with an air horn get a rose?

Yes.

[Mu Shu]

8 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Did the woman who interrupted chat time with an air horn get a rose? The screen was getting garbled during live stream.  

Demi, wow, she’s shameless and I feel like there is some sinister element with her.

I really wish Tracy would have been sent home. She doesn’t seem to have the emotional stamina for this if she’s bawling in the second episode.  I’m not sure what’s going on with her skull.  It was like she was malnourished growing up.

Oh shit.  Poor Tracy.  I’m sorry, but I’m laughing.  Back in far away olden times, some babies got flat heads.  I got one, but I’m not dumb enough to go on TV with my deficient skull,  thanks for the laugh! 

Unrelated, but if Megan last name I can’t spell is the SO of that bearded guy, their home life must be exhausting with all the sarcasm and one upping.  I wasn’t amused by the guy who was supposed to be funny, either.  All the jokes about Colton’s virginity are getting really stale. 

Edited January 15, 2019 by Mu Shu

[EllenB]

I figured out why I don't care for beefy athletic types.  Colton's jaw is wider than his temple, so I just assume teeny tiny brain.  So far, nothing to negate that impression.

Where the hell did the attractive bunch of young women from last week go?  This RC was full of bored-looking, wonky-eyed, melty-faced, cranky-looking losers.

[Wandering Snark]

2 minutes ago, EllenB said:

Where the hell did the attractive bunch of young women from last week go?  This RC was full of bored-looking, wonky-eyed, melty-faced, cranky-looking losers.

I think that pretty much sums up todays RC perfectly actually.

And this of course:

16 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

 It was like she was malnourished growing up.

This is perfect. I'm totally working that phrase in to day-to-day convo. "What were you malnourished growing up??" will be very useful I predict. Thankyou.

[Lemons]

That never been kissed was such bullshit.  She tried to upstage the virginity story and came off ridiculous.  Claiming she was saving her first kiss for someone special and then says she disappointed that someone she doesn’t know didn’t kiss her. 

2 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

I'd have been more inclined last week to believe this but tonight for the 1st time Colton said his virginity was b/c of his religious upbringing. He had never actually said that before. He was raised to wait until marriage but now he told Hannah he will wait until he falls in love.

It’s always a religious thing with these people who announce it to the world.  

[TomGirl]

2 hours ago, GracieK said:

Tracy get a grip. It’s a group date rose, not the Shroud of Turin.

Effing brilliant, Gracie!

[SHD]

They should have a counter at the bottom of the screen and tally in real time how many times these women use "like" as a verbal filler. Though I'm not sure I could watch the numbers spin that fast. 

[angelamh66]

For the last time... virginity is not a personality trait. The only possible significance it should have is as a possible indicator of one’s religious beliefs. There were so many conversations about it that I found myself yelling SHUT UP at the television. Is this a bigger deal than I think it is? In a dating scenario it just would not seem worth bringing up unless you were heading in a sexual direction. But as first date dinner conversation?? Wtf?

[EllenB]

14 minutes ago, angelamh66 said:

For the last time... virginity is not a personality trait. The only possible significance it should have is as a possible indicator of one’s religious beliefs. There were so many conversations about it that I found myself yelling SHUT UP at the television. Is this a bigger deal than I think it is? In a dating scenario it just would not seem worth bringing up unless you were heading in a sexual direction. But as first date dinner conversation?? Wtf?

It would be wonderful if one of the women would ask him if he's bragging or complaining.  If neither, just STFU.

[tinkerbell]

I realized that Colton has an odd shaped face.  his chin is too long and narrow.  If he didn't have facial hair, it would be more noticeable.   

[LuvMyShows]

2 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

Unrelated, but if Megan last name I can’t spell is the SO of that bearded guy, their home life must be exhausting with all the sarcasm and one upping.  I wasn’t amused by the guy who was supposed to be funny, either.  All the jokes about Colton’s virginity are getting really stale. 

Oh thank goodness.  I was beginning to think that I saw three different "comedians" than the rest of you did.  I'd never heard of Billy Eichner before, and haven't missed anything.  Megan and Nick were just so lame...seemed like they were relying on their fame to make their un-funny lines funny.  (And they looked so different from how I'm used to seeing them, that I actually wouldn't have recognized either of them if they hadn't said who they were.)

1 hour ago, Lemons said:

That never been kissed was such bullshit.  She tried to upstage the virginity story and came off ridiculous.  Claiming she was saving her first kiss for someone special and then says she disappointed that someone she doesn’t know didn’t kiss her. 

I was disgusted by that, which actually makes a mockery of Colton's virginity choice...he appears sincere about why he hasn't had sex yet, and her me-too act was so shallow as to be undone in the space of one conversation with a guy she barely knows.  And I couldn't help but wonder, when she was saying that she hopes Colton doesn't dismiss her as not being ready for a relationship, if she has actually had any relationships before...and if so, for how long, and what did she do physical-wise with the guys?  

[tinkerbell]

Hannah B - once I knew she was a pageant girl, that's all I saw.  Big toothy smile, like she's onstage modeling a swimsuit,  coy grin and then a giggle, when she has to answer a question,  Then, not being able to come up with words for a TOAST - like "here's to getting to know each other better"  or "Here's to learning to ride a horse on your birthday!"   She seems so empty headed, just dim, unable to form a coherent sentence.  

[Andromeda]

I read the description of this episode and thought we would be subjected to another CH hosted nightmare. Thank goodness it was a run of the mill date instead. 

So Demi is the villain. Can't say I care for her. I wish he'd cut Hannah - - what an insipid twit. Even he is more interesting. 

Nicole sounded like an SNL character during her talking head, with all of her weird giggling, but I'm not sure which one. Maybe the Kristen Wigg one who brags and mutters at the same time? 

Oh, and if no-kiss chick had zipped it, he would have kissed her, then she could have told him it was her first. Instead she made a huge deal out of it, so he's intimidated, lol. 

1 hour ago, angelamh66 said:

For the last time... virginity is not a personality trait. The only possible significance it should have is as a possible indicator of one’s religious beliefs. There were so many conversations about it that I found myself yelling SHUT UP at the television. Is this a bigger deal than I think it is? In a dating scenario it just would not seem worth bringing up unless you were heading in a sexual direction. But as first date dinner conversation?? Wtf?

I know, right? I told my SO I was a virgin after we both hit the bed. He'd already guessed... 

Edited January 15, 2019 by Andromeda

[Blintzie]

During the end credits scene, I could swear Colton said a “celibatory” dance, rather than celebratory!

[EllenB]

1 hour ago, Blintzie said:

During the end credits scene, I could swear Colton said a “celibatory” dance, rather than celebratory!

I guess it's on his mind!

[JudyObscure]

5 hours ago, tinkerbell said:

Hannah B - once I knew she was a pageant girl, that's all I saw.  Big toothy smile, like she's onstage modeling a swimsuit,  coy grin and then a giggle, when she has to answer a question,  Then, not being able to come up with words for a TOAST - like "here's to getting to know each other better"  or "Here's to learning to ride a horse on your birthday!"   She seems so empty headed, just dim, unable to form a coherent sentence.  

Yes, and she actually seemed angry at Cole-ton for "stealing her words." She's not even part of the, "Miss America" pageant program where they  have to have a talent and be able to answer questions about current events.  At least those young women are usually college students hoping to win scholarship money. 

Hannah and Miss North Carolina are part of the Miss USA contest where the only requirement is that big toothy smile you mentioned and a willingness to walk up and down a stage in a bikini while strangers inspect you for cellulite.  When Hannah started talking about her deep insecurities and an underlying fear that she wouldn't measure up, I thought, whose bright idea was it that pageants would be good for this girl?  Now she's placed herself in another position where she'll be judged  superficially.  Why, Hannah?  Just stop it!  Go home and get a degree in something useful and self-esteem will follow.

  Another sad case is the never been kissed girl who had me wondering how such a pretty, surfer girl could have missed out on romance -- and then she answered all my questions by telling Cole-ton her long boring me-too-virgin story then holding her face up to be kissed while giving him a gums-only grin.

I'm not going to have fun here if I start feeling sorry for these girls.