19 Things I Hate About You: How the Duggars Infuriate

[bigskygirl]

Here is one of my major pet peeves with this family. The constant giving God credit or using God to explain their actions. Derick gave God the credit for saving his mother. I guess the medical team had nothing to do with it. Should God get the credit for their bigotry and trying to take rights away from certain people? Josh says he loves gays and lesbians, but he has to save them by taking away their rights. Seriously...

[Darknight]

Here is one of my major pet peeves with this family. The constant giving God credit or using God to explain their actions. Derick gave God the credit for saving his mother. I guess the medical team had nothing to do with it. Should God get the credit for their bigotry and trying to take rights away from certain people? Josh says he loves gays and lesbians, but he has to save them by taking away their rights. Seriously...

This. I'm a christian but I give credit where credit is due. Doctors saved Cathy life as well as Josies not God

[msblossom]

I'd like to share my thoughts on this:

Does God not work through and guide the skill of the surgeon's hands? How does that take away from the giftedness of the surgeon? It seems they work in harmony and God created and empowered man with the ability to heal through science and medical expertise.

[Hpmec]

I think by now it's probably dawned on Derick that he married a young woman he doesn't know well who expects to have many children, perhaps even as ridiculously many as her mother -- and he's finding that a very intimidating and frightening scenario.

The courtship restrictions did not give them the opportunity to have intimate one on one frank discussions about their expectations for the future. It's quite possible that while Derick wanted children, he didn't expect to start so soon. Newlyweds who never even kissed before the wedding need plenty of time to adjust to married life. A baby can wait, except, in this case, it can't.

It's sad to see the confident, independent Derick from Nepal blindly going along with the Duggars. He needs to start asserting himself before he becomes little more than the resident sperm provider in a household overflowing with howlers.

Edited February 22, 2015 by Hpmec

[mbutterfly]

Here is one of my major pet peeves with this family. The constant giving God credit or using God to explain their actions. Derick gave God the credit for saving his mother. I guess the medical team had nothing to do with it. Should God get the credit for their bigotry and trying to take rights away from certain people? Josh says he loves gays and lesbians, but he has to save them by taking away their rights. Seriously...

I am a liberal Christian, fully in favor of gay marriage for example, and my father was one of several MDs in his family. Still, when a surgeon comes out after caring for a loved one, I say, "Thank you, Doctor" out loud (and mean it) and say "Thank you, Jesus" inside myself (and mean it. I think the Duggars have a similar emotion response but verbalize it differently, perhaps. 

[floridamom]

I agree with you, mbutterfly, that God's will is a major input in many serious events in our lives, but it is the physicians, etc, here on earth that physically carry out His will that makes the outcome possible. I give thanks to BOTH myself. These people should realize that God's will works in unison with physical outcomes on Earth. Where would Miracle Josie be without the earthly intervention of the NICU and it's staff? If not so, they should have delivered Josie, and brought her home with them for God's will to prevail....no need of doctors, etc...BUT they didn't, did they?

msblossom: You said it!

bigskygirl: What signs is Michelle showing of hyperthyroidism? I don't notice anything...Thanks!

[floridamom]

I think that Jill's parents viewed that ONE HOUR of private telephone conversation they allowed them a day was the time to discuss any private married matters they wanted to. So unrealistic of those two silly old people. derickdillard should have known better than to ride the Duggar Fame Train; an express train to the altar, to boot.

His mother should have given him some good guidance.....when he bought that engagement ring, Cathy seemed fine, healthwise, went with him to pick it out, didn't she? She really needed to have that all important conversation with him before then. He got what he deserved. Sorry to say. Let's see how quickly Dilly#2 is launched. That would tell us something.

[lookeyloo]

I think that Jill's parents viewed that ONE HOUR of private telephone conversation they allowed them a day was the time to discuss any private married matters they wanted to. So unrealistic of those two silly old people. derickdillard should have known better than to ride the Duggar Fame Train; an express train to the altar, to boot.

His mother should have given him some good guidance.....when he bought that engagement ring, Cathy seemed fine, healthwise, went with him to pick it out, didn't she? She really needed to have that all important conversation with him before then. He got what he deserved. Sorry to say. Let's see how quickly Dilly#2 is launched. That would tell us something.

Maybe she did have that conversation. Maybe he said in a respectful way "lay off Mom. I'm sure about this" and she decided to,go along rather than not being involved in anything.

[Barb23]

Florida mom: love, love your line "Let's see how quickly Dilly #2 is launched." How appropriate for this family.

[Hpmec]

Regarding who to thank for good outcomes, I think President Kennedy was on to something when he said, "Here on earth, God's work must truly be our own." So thank God for the brains and talent of doctors and medical personnel who save lives, but never forget who's doing the heavy lifting.

It definitely is annoying, though, that the Duggars routinely see doctors and dentists, but woudn't think of allowing one of their children to pursue such a career. Their level of control is mind boggling.

[okerry]

in there case, practice did make perfect (almost).  They got that tardiness down pat as to when they can get away with being late and when they can't.

I'm catching up on this thread and haven't read it all yet, but wanted to respond to "Duggar Time:" Chronic lateness is one of the signs of narcissism. Narcs believe everyone else should be happy to wait for them, and then the narcs get to enjoy being the center of attention when they finally stroll in late. It's rude, selfish, and definitely narcissistic to be chronically late.

[Gemma Violet]

Derrick is teaching Jill about healthier eating and he took her to a Broadway play.

 

 

I must have missed this.  What show did they see?

[Betweenyouandme]

I must have missed this. What show did they see?

Cinderella , I believe

[bigskygirl]

In my opinion, God gives people a conscious and certain skills to use to help people. What they do with their talents is up to them. I do believe in a superior being and guardian angels, but I do not give God the only credit when I am feeling better after being diagnosed with a chronic medical condition or when I went into remission after treatment for the chronic condition. I also do not believe the spiel about evil taking over my mind and body and this is the reason why I became ill. Yes, certain illnesses can be caused by bad choices and habits, but to blame it on evil beings taken over and not praying and turning your life over to God completely, imo, is not addressing the issues at hand.

 

What would have happen to Michelle, Josie or Cathy if they had a quack for doctor? Would the family say evil beings took over the doctor, and the doctor did not pray or follow the bible before trying to treat one of them? Poor Josie may be dealing with issues from being born premature and the family are in major denial. Should they blame it on evil beings taken over Josie and their minds for not getting the proper care for her?

 

Imo, I find it interesting people say Michelle seems addicted to pregnancy, but I find it more interesting how the Duggars hide behind the bible and God to defend their religious and political beliefs. They are, in my two cents, addicted to God and certain religious beliefs, but for all the wrong reasons. Gothard was able to take over their minds, bodies and souls. They have been brainwashed to the core, and I do not think one of them have a single thought when it comes to certain things because they were taught it is evil to have so-called impure real world thoughts.

 

Derick may take Jill to a play, introduce her to healthy foods, and take her to sporting events, but she is still her parent's daughter. Her mind, body and soul have been taken over by Gothard and JB, and she is now trying to get Derick to join her. Derick is being controlled by her and daddy Duggar, and he may be too afraid to rock the boat and/or in way over his head.

[floridamom]

bigskygirl:  YES, that!!! I whole heartedly applaud you. You said it.

[Betweenyouandme]

What does it mean to hide behind God to defend their religious and political beliefs?

How is it different than looking to God and the Bible for guidance and answers of what to believe in these areas?

Or, do you see both as the same and wrong?

[floridamom]

I think the Bible is an excellent reference book for guidance. The Duggars are bible literalists, although the interpretation they believe is that of Mr. Gothard and his handouts,, pamphlets and seminars that they have paid to hear....anyone see a contradiction here?

[Gemma Violet]

Cinderella , I believe

 

Thanks.  I wonder if Jill even knew the story of Cinderella beforehand.

[Hpmec]

Jill most likely never heard of Cinderella before attending the show. On a tv interiew not long ago she was asked her favorite nursery rhyme and couldn't come up with a single one. You'd think as one of 19 children she'd have had her fill of nursery rhymes. Illustrates just how sheltered the Duggar offspring are.

[bigskygirl]

I see nothing wrong with reading the bible for guidance when dealing with an illness or other stressful life event. The Duggars take the bible and use it to suit their own purpose. God decides how many children I will have, but did God tell me to dump a baby after six months to his or her buddy so I can start humping like a rabbit to have another child. Did God tell me to take away the rights of certain groups of people because I know what is best for them. Did God tell the Duggars to use Josie as a prop to sell their anti-abortion spiel to the masses because God got rid of the evil beings fighting to take Josie's life? Did God tell me to pop out children right and left to build up God's Army so we can have a country who controls women's rights, taking away certain freedoms for heathens who do not go along with the Duggar message, and have control over a citizen's right to education, birth control, etc. etc. Did God tell me to sell my children's souls to TLC and tell TLC to hide my political and religious views from our fans and make believe my children are happy and well adjusted.

[merylinkid]

Derek is over the age of 18.   If he doesn't want his whole life filmed, he can say no.   Even if his wife signed a contract, he didn't.   He can draw the line and say "when you are with family, you can film, but they are NOT coming int out home."    He could also have insisted on birth control if he did not want to start a family so soon.    He could have told his wife, who believes her husband is always right, that is they way it is was going to be and not to tell her family.   

 

he has not done these things.   He has no one to blame but himself if he is in over his head.

[Mrsjumbo]

I absolutely agree, Merylinkid! Derek has to take responsibility for his own family now, & if he's not ecstatic about having a honeymoon baby then he could have prevented it, being the more "wordly" one in this couple. Same with media exposure- if I were him I would have been limiting the TV crew from the courtship on...but it seems they are willing to compromise their privacy for certain perks (Jill's trip to see him when courting, financial help with the wedding). I'm sure Jill loves all the media attention but if he doesn't he could have put a stop to it. She's so infatuated I think she would have agreed (though she would have to go against JB).

Edited February 22, 2015 by Mrsjumbo

[Jellybeans]

Things like pregnancy and the first child child changes people. Bothe Derrick and Jill will find their "rules" may not be in line with Michelle's. Look how much they are changing.

it will not surprise me if Jill wears pants one day. One day, I said.

[Mrsjumbo]

What gets on my nerves? The local community college (NWACC) just had an open house for home schooling kids & I'm sure the Duggars didn't attend!

[bigskygirl]

Jill becoming more obnoxious, and Derick letting Jill and JB take over his life is not an improvement. Just because Jill may wear pants one day does not mean she is getting away from her family and becoming her own person. You can take Jill away from the Duggars, put you cannot take the Duggar out of Jill.

[floridamom]

About Jill not knowing any nursery rhymes, that's right she didn't. She also didn't know the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...that TV host was really surprised. I wonder what Meechelle has sung to her babies? ( yeah, I know, she didn't)....that's why the little girls made up that "dirty dog" song, no one allows them to listen to "kid recordings" nor do any of those girls know anything go sing to them except religious hymns.

[Mrsjumbo]

My DS had violin lessons & played that same song- but did not do the "dirty dog lyrics". I think my DS learned "up, up, down, down, etc" as a way to learn how to hold the bow. He said they never learned any lyrics to it.

[Fosca]

What does it mean to hide behind God to defend their religious and political beliefs?

How is it different than looking to God and the Bible for guidance and answers of what to believe in these areas?

Or, do you see both as the same and wrong?

 

To me, the difference is this:

 

The first is saying "Because God/Gothard" any time they are asked about their behavior or beliefs, and not putting any more thought into it than that.

 

The second is actually thinking about why they do or believe things, taking the Bible into account but also using the free will and the brain that (they believe) God gave them to correlate what they believe and what the Bible says and why.

[GEML]

I think Jill and Derrick are happy, but they aren't blissful, and because they aren't blissful, they feel like they are doing something wrong. A lot of very young couples feel that way, and they will almost certainly figure it out. But the idea that Jill's emotional state is somehow going to hurt the baby is one I find rather silly, honestly. Now if Jessa were pregnant, I will admit I might have some concerns.

[flyingdi]

Okay, they can just stop saying "She`s marrying her best friend!" Soon. No, she is really not. IMO, it takes quite a bit longer than 6 months or so to become best friends with a person.

[floridamom]

flyingdi: I agree "totally" with you..(sorry for that word)...One can't become someone's BEST FRIEND inside of 6 months; and with limited meetings and NEVER be alone together..these kids have NO friends outside of their siblings,, so their future spouse is their only "friend" and I use that term loosely.

David Waller and Pris use that "best friend" term also...I'm sure it's a Gothard Commandment..that you marry your best friend...

My best friend is someone I met 28 years ago....now, that's a best friend...These people are completely out of reality.

Someone please give Jill and Michelle a thesaurus...I'm so tired of their overuse of the same word and expressions.

[WeAreAllJudges]

I do love that morality still exists in families.

I don't mind anything about the Duggars EXCEPT for Michelle's voice!!!

Maybe it's because she has had such small children to talk to her all her adult life, that she never grew out of using such a soft, sweet, baby voice(?), but it is soooooo annoying!!!!!!!!

[Vaysh]

I do love that morality still exists in families.

 

 

I'd say that morality still exists in most families, but I'm not sure I agree that it exists to any great extent in the Duggar clan. Following made-up, arbitrary rules like Gothard's "Character Qualities" does not equal morality to me. In fact, the thing that annoys me the most about the Duggars is that they try to make themselves out to be so good and godly and morally superior but when you scrape the surface they are not only immoral in "worldy" ways (neglecting their children's education, blanket training, child labour, and indoctrinating their daughters into believing they are only good for housework and child bearing), they also come across as immoral in a Christian sense (and I'm saying this as an atheist!).

 

To me they are people who will strain out a gnat and swallow a camel; they prattle on endlessly about that inch of cloth that will keep them modest, they preen about how the daughters can't even hold hands with their boyfriends at prayer without being engaged. While at the same time acting hateful and judgemental towards people who are not exactly like themselves and stumping for politicians who crusade not only against GLBT persons and women but also against the very poor and sick that Jesus said we should help. That, combined with their very performative version of Christianity (I seem to recall that Jesus had a few choice words to say about people praying on street corners and announcing their charity with trumpets; I wonder if the Duggars have ever had "Bible study" on Matthew 6...) they look more like Pharisees and hypocrites to me than genuinely moral Christians. YMMV.

[GEML]

They don't seem very happy or joyful to me. You never see them sit together and tell a story that has them laughing so hard that tears come to their eyes. It's not their religion per se - I can see the Bates doing it. But the Duggars seem so cautious and even fearful. The Bible says "Be not afraid" or "do not fear" in some form more than any other phrase. Would be nice if the Duggars could put that phrase up on their wall along with their other verses.

Edited February 26, 2015 by GEML

[galax-arena]

I do love that morality still exists in families.

But what exactly is more moral about the Duggars than what you'd find in other families? 

[Gianthambeast]

I'd say that morality still exists in most families, but I'm not sure I agree that it exists to any great extent in the Duggar clan. Following made-up, arbitrary rules like Gothard's "Character Qualities" does not equal morality to me. In fact, the thing that annoys me the most about the Duggars is that they try to make themselves out to be so good and godly and morally superior but when you scrape the surface they are not only immoral in "worldy" ways (neglecting their children's education, blanket training, child labour, and indoctrinating their daughters into believing they are only good for housework and child bearing), they also come across as immoral in a Christian sense (and I'm saying this as an atheist!).

 

To me they are people who will strain out a gnat and swallow a camel; they prattle on endlessly about that inch of cloth that will keep them modest, they preen about how the daughters can't even hold hands with their boyfriends at prayer without being engaged. While at the same time acting hateful and judgemental towards people who are not exactly like themselves and stumping for politicians who crusade not only against GLBT persons and women but also against the very poor and sick that Jesus said we should help. That, combined with their very performative version of Christianity (I seem to recall that Jesus had a few choice words to say about people praying on street corners and announcing their charity with trumpets; I wonder if the Duggars have ever had "Bible study" on Matthew 6...) they look more like Pharisees and hypocrites to me than genuinely moral Christians. YMMV.

Very well said and spot-on.  The Duggars remind me of  those "whited sepulchers" Jesus spoke of: they present a Godly veneer to the world with the whole "stay sweet" spiel, fake smiles, and exaggerated modesty, but are all neglected and emotionally screwed-up on the inside.  Even scarier is that people buy this bunk. They think a two-parent family, with a buttload of kids, that professes to worship God=morality. 

Edited February 26, 2015 by Gianthambeast

[galax-arena]

They're like a shiny red apple with a big fat worm inside, IMO. 

[floridamom]

Putting such restrictions on their daughters IMO, do not make them "more moral or religiously believing". It makes them controlling....which when I checked last, isn't Godly, now, is it?

[floridamom]

Their stifeling, restrictive allowances will one day implode upon them...they are afraid of everything and trust themselves little to none at all. Jill's famous "if you have a problem with alcohol, stay out of the tavern" quote is unnecessary for most people. Do any of the Duggar/Ruark blood relatives have a problem with alcohol and are alcoholics? If it doesn't run in their family, why would it be a problem/sin to have a glass of celebratory champagne at an inaugural dinner? In their mindset, it COULD lead to alcoholism, being alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend COULD lead to kissing, touching over clothing, THEN SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE....In keeping with that mindset, driving anywhere could also lead to a terrible accident, but they continue to drive, don't they, taking that risk?

I believe that one day, one of those kids WILL attempt to break away in some fashion and their very delicate system will self destruct.

[Gianthambeast]

Thing#2,000,000 that bothers me about the Duggars:  For all their claims of deep Bible study and following God's will they seem to have forgotten that text where Jesus says: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."  In other words, being a Christian is  not about observing all the rituals and tangled legalisms of the Pharisees (or following all the prescriptions of  Gothard to the letter), but love and charity for the other.

Edited March 1, 2015 by Gianthambeast

[DoctorWhovian]

I do love that morality still exists in families.

 

Let's not equate religiousness to morality. That's ridiculous. There is nothing more moral about how the Duggars are than the majority of other families. And it's insulting to insinuate otherwise.

[Wellfleet]

Let's not equate religiousness to morality. That's ridiculous. There is nothing more moral about how the Duggars are than the majority of other families. And it's insulting to insinuate otherwise.

 

So true. Reminds me of that line "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car..."  Actions speak louder than words, Duggars. Think about it. Seriously...

[Literata]

I do love that morality still exists in families.

 

I equate morality with teaching one's children to respect the choices of each individual, even those they might not agree with our understand. I equate it with fostering gender equality over sexism, honesty over hypocrisy, and humility over ... well, fake humility. Morality is about so much more than covering one's collarbone and knees; in my opinion, those things have nothing to do with morality. Case in point: Judging from their social media posts, Jessa and Bin are narrow-minded, judgmental, and probably not the nicest people to be around (unless you believe exactly as they do). But, hey, they saved their first kiss for marriage. That makes them moral?

[maraleia]

So here is my thought about why the Duggars and their ilk bother me so much. For all that they preach about living outside the mainstream they are willing to sell themselves out to the highest media bidder. I'm not just talking about the Duggars and Bateses to a lesser extent, I'm also talking about the other families that have websites that are used to prosthelytize to the masses.

I say if you want to live outside of mainstream society stop preaching your beliefs via blogs, Facebook, twitter and in the Duggars case lie to the public about your lives in magazines like People.

Oh and I'm not giving the media a pass on this. They need to stop pandering and ask them pointed questions like Katie Couric did when she interviewed Sarah Palin and unveiled just how uninformed she really is.

I feel sorry for the kids because they have no idea what this is doing to them since they have no real sense of what the world is really like.

[Betweenyouandme]

So here is my thought about why the Duggars and their ilk bother me so much. For all that they preach about living outside the mainstream they are willing to sell themselves out to the highest media bidder. I'm not just talking about the Duggars and Bateses to a lesser extent, I'm also talking about the other families that have websites that are used to prosthelytize to the masses.

I say if you want to live outside of mainstream society stop preaching your beliefs via blogs, Facebook, twitter and in the Duggars case lie to the public about your lives in magazines like People.

Oh and I'm not giving the media a pass on this. They need to stop pandering and ask them pointed questions like Katie Couric did when she interviewed Sarah Palin and unveiled just how uninformed she really is.

I feel sorry for the kids because they have no idea what this is doing to them since they have no real sense of what the world is really like.

Are you saying you don't like inconsistency in that the families are outside mainstream in most things but participate in media that is mainstream?

[maraleia]

Are you saying you don't like inconsistency in that the families are outside mainstream in most things but participate in media that is mainstream?

Yes I am and it's because they preach modesty and then have their faces plastered on the cover of People Magazine. A magazine which has articles about 50 Shades of Grey, the Kardashians, et.al.It's hypocritical that is all.

[jnymph]

Can't stand how they all use the word "like" all the time. I don't understand how that word got so indoctrinated into their vocabulary if they are sheltered from mainstream culture & media.

"Duggar speak" is similar to "Kardashian speak" -just without the obscenities.

[satrunrose]

 

I do love that morality still exists in families.

I was always taught that morality is what you do when no one is watching. My family taught me very strong morality while still supporting gender equality, racial equality and sexual orientation and identity equality. My family also encouraged me to go out an explore my own interests with actual friends, not siblings or accountability partners. When I grew up and moved out on my own, I had become a person who strives to be ethical and moral, not because I never have the chance to fail, but because I know how to make good decisions. I don't just regurgitate some iconoclast (i.e. Gothard)'s  pamphlets. I think about how what I'm about to do might affect others and whether it helps the world or hurts it. That's morality (if, admittedly not modesty).

 

Are the Duggars moral? I think the Boob and J'chelle are far too narrow-minded, judgemental and hypocritical to be considered moral. As for the kids? Who knows? They've never had the chance to try.

[BitterApple]

Can't stand how they all use the word "like" all the time. I don't understand how that word got so indoctrinated into their vocabulary if they are sheltered from mainstream culture & media.

"Duggar speak" is similar to "Kardashian speak" -just without the obscenities.

The obscenities and that obnoxious vocal uptick the K sisters use at the end of their sentences that makes every statement sound like a question. Makes my ears bleed. I completely agree the Duggar girls should have outgrown "like" by now, these women are well into their 20's for goodness sake.

[floridamom]

saturnrose: Wonderful post....you said it. I agree with the sentiment that morality IS doing the right thing when no one is watching...YES, something the Duggars obviously don't trust themselves to do....so how moral are they....REALLY? Parents included....