Kalani & Asuelu: Cheeto Dust and Slut People

[mamadrama]

11 hours ago, hookedontv said:

That's a lot to unpack! Let me grab a beer to help digest this all. But seriously - great intel mamadrama!

I've got more through private messages. I'm trying to figure out what parts to black out do that it's not so obvious where (who) they came from. This person's chatty and almost every sentence says something identifiable. I don't want them to get in trouble.

[AZChristian]

@mamadrama

I did a bit of googling about the Zion National Park Polynesian Show.

Yep.  Asuelu's picture is there, all dressed up for the show.

Do the folks at TLC not think people are smart enough to find this stuff, and thereby causing them to doubt EVERYTHING they see on TLC?

[1011101010001]

At this point it’s a scripted show like NCIS. 

[libgirl2]

12 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

At this point it’s a scripted show like NCIS. 

I think that is why people are always surprised in Pillow Talk that they like the couples so much. On the show you think they will never make it, they can't stand each other etc.... and then on PT they are so cute together. 

[Elizzikra]

25 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

@mamadrama

I did a bit of googling about the Zion National Park Polynesian Show.

Yep.  Asuelu's picture is there, all dressed up for the show.

Do the folks at TLC not think people are smart enough to find this stuff, and thereby causing them to doubt EVERYTHING they see on TLC?

As long as they keep watching the show, I don't think they care.

[CrazyInAlabama]

Why didn't Asuelu and Kalani just take the money with them, and buy the gifts for his family when they arrived?    There must be a Samoan grocery there somewhere.    Then they wouldn't have to lug heavy stuff on the plane, and probably pay over weight charges for the luggage 

And a certain big box store also sells this, and ships to your house, for about $7.00 a can.    It's very expensive too, it's basically palm corned beef.  It's the same brand, and they could get it shipped right to the sister and mother's house, and not have to lug it on the plane. 

The two half sisters of Aluelu are American Samoa, on lives somewhere in Utah, and the other lives in Washington state, and the mother (she's Samoan, not American Samoan, so she has a green card) lives with the sister.  

 

(I knew someone who was Filipina, and when she few home to visit mom, she had huge hard sided suitcases, and they were filled up with face cream, foods that cost a lot more in the Philippines, etc.     They went home often enough that the baggage handlers who meet you at the curb for check-in would recognize them, and avoid them.   The suitcases weighed well over 100 lbs. each, and it would take 2 or 3 men to take them out of the van, and drag them to the check-in desk.    It also cost a lot of money for the over-weight bag charges.   My friend was a cheap tipper, so it wasn't as if she actually rewarded the baggage people for hoisting those super heavy bags either.  The TSA agents weren't fond of her either, having to search her bags.)

Edited August 2, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[Christina]

On 7/29/2020 at 4:53 PM, gingerella said:

I think it's more of a car driving with occasional stroller walks at scenic turn outs sort of thing, but these two schlubs hiking? No way! 😉

Also known as "hiking with toddlers." It's actually a great way to have a fun family outing. When they can walk further, you take them on shorter paths and allow them to walk.

[gingerella]

9 hours ago, Christina said:

Also known as "hiking with toddlers." It's actually a great way to have a fun family outing. When they can walk further, you take them on shorter paths and allow them to walk.

Be that as it may, this is Kailani and her 3 Toddlers we're talking about...I don't think they're ever going to walk more than the distance from a car to the pick up counter of a fast food restaurant, or the car to a swing set, or from the couch to the outlet to plug in a Play Station...

Edited August 1, 2020 by gingerella

[CrazyInAlabama]

Why did I just get five full minutes of Kalani discussing why she doesn't want to pee on airplanes?   Why doesn't she see why her oldest is crying?   Instead of telling him to stop. I feel sorry for the Airbnb people having this bunch stay in their place. 

[Mrs. Hanson]

4 hours ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

Why did I just get five full minutes of Kalani discussing why she doesn't want to pee on airplanes?   Why doesn't she see why her oldest is crying?   Instead of telling him to stop. I feel sorry for the Airbnb people having this bunch stay in their place. 

I thought she was going to say she doesn't fit in an airplane bathroom.  Before everyone hates on me, my six foot seven hubby doesn't fit one, either!

 

On 8/1/2020 at 12:46 PM, gingerella said:

Be that as it may, this is Kailani and her 3 Toddlers we're talking about...I don't think they're ever going to walk more than the distance from a car to the pick up counter of a fast food restaurant, or the car to a swing set, or from the couch to the outlet to plug in a Play Station...

You are assuming Oliver walks.  

[Wollstonecraft]

I'm mortified that Azzseulo's mom and sis keep insisting on money. Can't they earn a living or is it a "culture" to expect your son who has a wife and 2 little kids to support you? If so, they're in the USA.  It's not like they're disabled.  If I were Kalani. I'd inform them of this and if her 300 lbs kid doesn't get it, I'd leave him there.

[gingerella]

1 hour ago, Wollstonecraft said:

I'm mortified that Azzseulo's mom and sis keep insisting on money. Can't they earn a living or is it a "culture" to expect your son who has a wife and 2 little kids to support you? If so, they're in the USA.  It's not like they're disabled.  If I were Kalani. I'd inform them of this and if her 300 lbs kid doesn't get it, I'd leave him there.

Like everything on this show, I suspect they've been put up to it by producers who've told them they'll get more air time if they keep up with demanding money.

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, gingerella said:

Like everything on this show, I suspect they've been put up to it by producers who've told them they'll get more air time if they keep up with demanding money.

I agree but it is hard as they are so crass about it.  "Hey look could you help us out?  We are a little short due to some bills" but no:  "WHERE IS OUR MONEY???"

[CrazyInAlabama]

I can't wait for next Sunday's episode with the family visit to Mom, and the sister.   

[Mrs. Hanson]

40 minutes ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

I can't wait for next Sunday's episode with the family visit to Mom, and the sister.   

Kalani and her unusually close sister are gonna get the party started!!!

[toolazy]

So I'm pretty sure that these two were in the Vancouver, WA area (or at least Clark County) because they flew into PDX, which is right across the river.*  I googled around and there is no dedicated Samoan grocery store in the Portland Metro area, but there are stores that carry some Samoan products.  

 

I used to live in a house in Vancouver  with a great view of the river and the airport. 

Edited August 4, 2020 by toolazy

[CrazyInAlabama]

That corned beef with palm is sold at Walmart, and they will ship too.    It's much cheaper than what they bought, and lugged with them on the plane.      I can't wait for  Asuelu's sister to tell Kalani to butt out.    I don't care how much Asuelu makes, it's still money that supports his family, not his mother and half-sisters.   If anyone should butt out, it's the in-laws.     I love the previews for next week.   

Edited August 4, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[Christina]

Asuelu is now a Lyft driver:

 

[Elizzikra]

6 hours ago, Christina said:

Asuelu is now a Lyft driver:

 

Have we ever seen him drive? I didn't think he had a license. But hey - it's an honest living so good on him!

[CrazyInAlabama]

Was he driving the rental van from Portland to Mommy Dearest's and the sister's house, and the Airbnb?   Or did I miss something again.    However, I don't see him as a super alert driver, and he seems easily distracted.      I really can't wait for the next episode with his family, it should be entertaining. 

[Gobi]

49 minutes ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

Was he driving the rental van from Portland to Mommy Dearest's and the sister's house, and the Airbnb?   Or did I miss something again.    However, I don't see him as a super alert driver, and he seems easily distracted.      I really can't wait for the next episode with his family, it should be entertaining. 

He was driving when they left the airport.

[Christina]

This is a clip from the most recent episode, which I may now have to watch because it's causing a bunch of comments. Asuelu's mom kisses him on the cheek, but looks to Kalani like on the lips.

 

[CrazyInAlabama]

That was next to his lips, at least for most of it.  However, that was the longest greeting kiss I've ever seen.    That was creepy as hell. Also, when he was denying to Kalani that Mommy was kissing him on the lips, he certainly didn't deny it at the end.    Mommy is really not attached to reality is she?     I'm expecting a fun episode with this bunch next show. 

Too bad Spam isn't the favorite food in Samoa, because it's a whole lot cheaper than the Corned Beef with Palm Asuelu likes.   (Spam is very popular in Hawaii, and all over the Pacific basin).   They also sell it at every grocery store on earth.  

Edited August 8, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[Elizzikra]

22 minutes ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

That was next to his lips, at least for most of it.  However, that was the longest greeting kiss I've ever seen.    That was creepy as hell. Also, when he was denying to Kalani that Mommy was kissing him on the lips, he certainly didn't deny it at the end.    Mommy is really not attached to reality is she?     I'm expecting a fun episode with this bunch next show. 

It looks similar to a Maori greeting, in which two people press their foreheads together. As an American, it was very unusual for me but it's common in their culture.

[Christina]

I think these were posted by someone before but they most be back a few pages.

 

[greekmom]

Does anyone know if Asuleu's sister was actually using ASL or just hand signals ??

[CrazyInAlabama]

If it's Samoan custom to support the family back in Samoa, then why should Low support his daughter, and grandchildren instead of his other relatives?    The mother makes zero sense.    

I got a kick out of the previews for next week, and hope the show lives up to the little we saw. 

I don't care how much money Asuelu and Kalani, and her parents make, they owe nothing to that disgusting, greedy family of his.   If his family is so broke, how do they afford to live in Washington state, and have mom commuting back and forth to Samoa every year?     

My opinion is that the only reason that Mother Asuelu, and her greedy daughters are interested in the little boys is because they think that will be their chance to extort money from the Kalani family.     Kalani isn't going to give the mother and sisters another penny.    Since the stories appear to be true about Asuelu having a much better income, then he better pay the household bills, and support his kids first.    

I really would love to punch Asuelu's mother and sisters in their greedy noses.     What kind of person says their brother/son should let the in laws support his children, because they want money to look like big shots in Samoa?

If the entire Portland trip is legit, then maybe Asuelu is finally realizing how his family is using him.     It has always amazed me that people refuse to realize that their blood relatives don't care about them, and I hope Asuelu can make that realization.      

Edited August 12, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[Caoimhe]

Wrong topic!

Edited August 11, 2020 by ThereButFor

[CrazyInAlabama]

There are three main religious groups in Samoa.   19% Roman Catholic, 15% LDS, and 32% Christian Congregational Church of Samoa, according to one source I read.      Of course, considering we're talking about Asuelu's mother, who knows who she's sending money to.   She might be sending money to some TV preacher too. 

Edited August 12, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[gingerella]

ASSuelo looks exactly like his mother...and those looks aren't great, but they look infinitely better on a man than a woman, just leaving that here...and yes, she and her daughters are disgusting.

[1011101010001]

22 minutes ago, gingerella said:

ASSuelo looks exactly like his mother...and those looks aren't great, but they look infinitely better on a man than a woman, just leaving that here...and yes, she and her daughters are disgusting.

They look like the Dancing Bear from Captain Kangaroo.

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 8/11/2020 at 11:14 AM, PearlClutcher said:

If Big Pork and her two piglets

Okay, this was unfair.  Why?  I was laughing and choking on my Diet Coke so hard I thought my son was going to call 911!!!!  LOL!!!

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, PearlClutcher said:

Apologies Mrs. Hanson.  I'm a mother and I went crazy when all 3 of those broke azz women were screaming for money.  I'd never demand money from my child who had a spouse and 2 little ones to take care of.  

Apology accepted but dammit I have been giggling all evening about this!!

Big Pork and her two piglets!!!!  Gold!

[Christina]

Kalani again states that Asuelu does not have autism

 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Shut up, Kalani.

If he was on the spectrum, at least there’d be a reason for his strange behavior.

ETA—In the above Instagram or whatever the fuck it’s called, first she say he isn’t autistic, then she says he IS autistic. Color me confused. One thing is for certain, Kalani is an idiot.

Edited August 13, 2020 by Auntie Anxiety

[AZChristian]

7 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

ETA—In the above Instagram or whatever the fuck it’s called, first she say he isn’t autistic, then she says he IS autistic. Color me confused. One thing is for certain, Kalani is an idiot.

I don't know their Instagram names, but what I think I understood was that "90dayfiancetweettweet" is NOT Kalani (kalanifaagata), but she is quoting Kalani.

"90dayfiancetweettweet" seems to be taking exception to being accused of "making fun of autistic people when [she] makes fun of asuelu" because - according to her - "HE IS NOT AUTISTIC."

She goes on to say, "My husband is autistic."  So she's not referring to the same person.  One - Asuelu - is NOT autistic; the other - her husband - is."

[Biosynth]

On ‎8‎/‎10‎/‎2020 at 7:31 PM, greekmom said:

Does anyone know if Asuleu's sister was actually using ASL or just hand signals ??

My husband is Deaf and we communicate with ASL.  Asuelo's sister was not using ASL.  I'm not sure what version they use in Samoa, but this looked more like pantomime than sign.

[greekmom]

1 hour ago, Biosynth said:

My husband is Deaf and we communicate with ASL.  Asuelo's sister was not using ASL.  I'm not sure what version they use in Samoa, but this looked more like pantomime than sign.

Thank you. I am not fluent in ASL but I have seen enough tv shows with ASL to know that was not ASL but pantomiming or just hand signals that they have come up with.

[1011101010001]

They must have shown Siskel and Ebert in Samoa.

[CrazyInAlabama]

I don't think Asuelu has any disorder, he's just an under educated person, who's entire life seems to be appearing in tourist shows.   I'm guessing he knows a lot about the dancing, and discussing that, but has not been exposed to the wider world, outside of Samoa, and his family.     I hope the talking head with him after the money grubbing at the food court was real, and he's realizing his mother and sisters only care about money, and not him, his wife and kids, and the Samoan relatives would be fine if he gave them every penny he earns.    

Everyone gets paid, according to what I read, and for  additional seasons (like Happily Ever After?), both members of the couples are paid.   Also, like other reality shows, the first season isn't paying much, but after that the pay goes up a lot.    

There is a surge in interest in comfort food, like grilled cheese on food trucks.    It's not just the grilled cheese on Wonderbread, with a slice of American (in my mother's case either virtually cold, or charred), but various types of cheese, some with added ingredients, and sometimes with gourmet fries or other sides.   The ones I saw on the MeltPDX (or whatever the name is) were $10 each, even a regular grilled cheese was $6.00.     Plus some of the sides were pricey at the various trucks.   However, the food truck owner said the crew bought the sandwiches, and ate them, so they didn't go to waste. Also, like with other food stands, they get you with the added costs for drinks, fries, or other sides.    I'm sure the crew enjoyed their food.    

From what Asuelu said he's from the Samoan family, which is his Samoan father and mother, then the mother married someone else who is American Samoan, and that's where the half-sisters are from in Washington state, and another sister in Utah.     The mother has a green card, and lives half time with the sister in Washington state.    I don't know if the other sister at the food truck melee lives in Washington, or if she's the half-sister from Utah.     Then Asuelu's family in Samoa he was going to visit are from the mother's marriage to Asuelu's father.     The sister who demanded money on early episodes is the Samoan branch, I guess. 

When the mother said that she doesn't care if Asuelu's family is homeless, or starving, because they gave all of the money to her, then I was done with her.   She's a money grubbing, lazy, heartless b-word.        I was proud of him for walking out at the family ambush at the sister's house, and standing up to the mother at the Goat petting farm.     

I've met many Pacific Islanders over the years (I worked for the Army for many years), and the people from American Samoa, Palau, Guam, etc were always so nice, and warm, and gracious.    Family Asuelu is ruining that image with everyone that sees this show.     

Edited August 19, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[CrazyInAlabama]

...

Edited August 19, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[AZChristian]

26 minutes ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

I can't wait for next week, and hope there is a real beat down of Mama A, and her evil daughter.     When the mother said that she doesn't care if Asuelu's family is homeless, or starving, because they gave all of the money to her, then I was done with her.   She's a money grubbing, lazy, heartless b-word.        I was proud of him for walking out at the family ambush at the sister's house, and standing up to the mother at the Goat petting farm.     

Sister Asuelu would be making a MAJOR mistake if she puts a hand on Kalani.  Look how quick the LDS girl changed when she said, "If she touches me, I will DROP her."

[lilysmom]

On 7/18/2020 at 5:33 AM, silverspoons said:

 

I think we will see in the next two years if they will ever move out. Their home is not in what I would consider a good school area. The home and neighborhood is fine but the school borders here are crazy weird. There are about 20 elementary schools and only 2 I would not send my kids to (and I have personally visited all the schools) and their school is one of the two I would not send my kids to. There are no real private schools here so it is just public school so it will be telling to she if she moves or not when school is starting for her kids. 

Do any of those schools allow children to come to school in their footed pajamas? Just askin' for a friend!

[Colfrmb]

People keep talking about Asuelu’s mother having a green card but I know I heard her say that she “can’t work” for whatever reason.  So out of curiosity I’ve been guesstimating her age. How old is Asuelu? 24? He is the eldest, I believe.   So supposing his mother Had him when she was somewhere between the ages of 18 and 24, let’s say. That would make her between the ages of 42 and 48.  That’s pretty young to be no longer working at all.  

[Elizzikra]

5 minutes ago, Colfrmb said:

People keep talking about Asuelu’s mother having a green card but I know I heard her say that she “can’t work” for whatever reason.  So out of curiosity I’ve been guesstimating her age. How old is Asuelu? 24? He is the eldest, I believe.   So supposing his mother Had him when she was somewhere between the ages of 18 and 24, let’s say. That would make her between the ages of 42 and 48.  That’s pretty young to be no longer working at all.  

She looks 70 if she is a day but that would make her a little long in the tooth to have a son Asuelu’s age. I loathe her.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Could Assholeu be her oldest SON? Because there is no way Shakedown Sister is younger than he is.

Unless MoneyGrub Mom is not legal or has a health issue that makes it impossible, she could work. Most of the baggers at my local supermarkets are elderly or young adults with special needs. As I say every single week, when this was filmed, unemployment numbers were at a record low. More jobs than people available to fill them.

Mother A just seems to think she’s entitled. How had she managed all the time before Assholeu became attached to lovely Kalani and her enormous breasts?

[AZChristian]

59 minutes ago, Colfrmb said:

People keep talking about Asuelu’s mother having a green card but I know I heard her say that she “can’t work” for whatever reason.  So out of curiosity I’ve been guesstimating her age. How old is Asuelu? 24? He is the eldest, I believe.   So supposing his mother Had him when she was somewhere between the ages of 18 and 24, let’s say. That would make her between the ages of 42 and 48.  That’s pretty young to be no longer working at all.  

If those are his half-sisters, he could be the oldest son from the marriage between Mama and Papa Asuelu.  I think she's close to or over 60 at least.

[CrazyInAlabama]

I don't think Mother A. is less than 60.      She did say to Kalani that before she met Asuelu, that he gave her and the father (or is that the step father?) almost all of his paycheck from performing at the resort.      So now Mama A, and her daughters, that are Asuelu's half sisters expect Asuelu to give them every penny he makes, and sponge off of Low, and Kalani?     Why should he send a penny to his mother's other kids?    

I think the whole send every penny to the parents demands from Asuelu's family is probably the kind of behavior that Low was talking about when he didn't want his daughters to marry someone from Samoa, or the traditional culture.     Also, according to another poster very recently, Kalani said she hasn't been in the LDS church for years, so I'm wondering if her family still belongs either? 

Edited August 18, 2020 by CrazyInAlabama

[magemaud]

From what I've read, Kalani's mother, at least, is still active in the LDS church. But another thing I just came across says that Kalani first met Asuelu on a FAMILY vacation to Samoa (to see Low's relatives, perhaps?) but that when she lost her virginity, it was on a second trip. 

[Christina]

This has been making the rounds and I have no idea who the original creator is: