Lost In Transition - General Discussion

[Scarlett45]

Thank you for your insight @millennium.

[kicotan]

11 hours ago, millennium said:

Where are the transgender individuals who came clean with their girlfriends before they got engaged?   Where are the transgender individuals who have avoided serious relationships until they feel comfortable as their true selves?  Where are the transgender people who took the time to sit down with their friends and loved ones and share what it means to be transgender and how it's affecting their lives before blowing them away with a Jerry Springer reveal?  

Indeed, I agree with everything you’ve put forward, it struck me the same way.

I initially comforted myself with the thought that ok, they are really focusing this show on folks who have been in heterosexual relationships for a long time~and when I say longtime I mean before transgender folk have become more visible and vocal and participatory in society and on social media, say in the last 10 years?~and so they are specifically targeting older individuals who have been closeted at the onset of their relationships.

When Leslie began with her story I had a lot of hope in that Stacy seemed really accepting and young enough to not be stuck in the past prejudices/stereotypes of some of the older participants of the show.  However, like you, when she knocked up Stacey and decided to transition at the same time it left me a bit confused.  It broke my heart when Stacey said she was concerned that she wouldn’t heal up from having the baby soon enough for Leslie to start her transition therapy because she really needed it.  She really is St. Stacey.

When Troy/Lucy told Cindy and her angry girlfriend that “This is why transgender people don’t say anything” before he stormed out of their pie snack session I thought that he was being incredibly asinine.  No, Troy/Lucy, this is why transgender folk are honest at the onset, before people feel as if they’ve been living a lie for the last 13 years.  They both come off as “my way or the highway” types and I’d be surprised if they stay together.

When Larry/Lawren admitted he’d tried suicide, I felt for her.  But stringing her wife along making her play 50 questions to finally get it out of her made me think she’s also a drama queen, albeit a successful one...her law firm advertises being an advocate for the LGBTQ community and hawks services specifically for the transgendered.  Being on the show is Marketing 101.

When they introduced Karen, having a child come out as FtM and a husband of 25 years as MtF at the same time, I became convinced they were going for shock value/freak show level programming.  Cue Jennifer down at the local watering hole, getting her “bar therapy” on, sharing with her drinking buddies the intimate details of her life with a smile on her face. Barf.

TLC never ceases to disappoint, when you go in with the knowledge that it’s going to be a shitshow.

Edited June 2, 2018 by kicotan
Got some names mixed up

[millennium]

For two long years people like me had to watch helplessly as Caitlyn Jenner made a mockery of the transgender experience with her dog and pony show.  Now this.   I suspect Lost in Transition won't last as long as I Am Cait, but airing this kind of slanted garbage for even one season can leave lasting negative impressions that may hurt transgender people seeking employment, housing or even just the freedom to to walk down the street without being ridiculed or attacked.

So many things about this show get me steamed.   These four individuals say they want to be women yet they're already falling apart.  Women are strong.   The burdens women carry can't truly be understood by anyone born male (including me).   The demands of work, motherhood, running a household, providing logistical and emotional support for children and spouse alike (while receiving precious little themselves), taking care of aging parents, etc., are challenging enough, but they do it despite being constantly underappreciated, underpaid, talked down to, emotionally manipulated, leered at and judged on their physical appearance every single day.    If any one of the transgender people on this show had to assume the full-time, unvarnished life of a woman/wife/mother/homemaker, I suspect they would soon be found balled up in the fetal position crying for their mamas. 

Where's that inner woman they are always talking about?   The individuals on this show exhibit none of a female's resolve or determination.  They come off like men home sick with the flu, needing to be babied and nursed and coddled, all the while emotionally manipulating their spouses to do their bidding.  ("If I don't help him become a woman he may kill himself.")

Their notions of womanhood are painfully superficial.   They don't seem very interested in the things that truly matter to women.   All they talk about are clothes, hair and makeup and looking "pretty."   You never hear them saying they want to succeed in a career as a woman, form female friendships, etc.  You don't hear them wishing they could get pregnant and carry a child.   As individuals who have enjoyed male privilege their entire lives, they know nothing of the insecurities of being female in a world that views women as prey.   They can't know, of course, not really, but at the same time I don't think they want to know.   Just like most men don't want to know.

[Guest]

From TVGuide.com: 

Quote

With Jennifer's support, Larry comes out to their neighbors at Ladies' Night; Troy tells Cindy he's going to get a makeover to look more like Lucy; Stacy and Leslie get romantic; Beverly tries to chill out, and Karen heats things up with a fancy new hairdo.

[princelina]

That's how I felt too - it seems like Leslie is putting their family's financial future at risk just to wear girl jeans and too much blusher to work.  And the one who showers in his clothes - does he then sit around in wet clothes all day until they dry on his body?  I'm sure he was trying to illustrate his feelings but it came off as too much and I spent the rest of the episode wondering about that.  And I also had the same thought that Troy was just bored and looking for something to do!  I do feel for these people, and especially their wives, but I don't like them very much - I guess that's a TLC show for you :)

[Guest]

12 hours ago, millennium said:

Their notions of womanhood are painfully superficial.

Agreed -- and I am wondering how much of the superficiality is due to the network this show airs on. Everything TLC does is superficial. I think all their shows give a dishonest narrative to the struggles of people with physical or emotional problems—the morbidly obese, little people, and now transgender persons get a turn at the TLC trough. I really thought this show would be different from the "everyone sit on a sofa and reenact something that happened when the cameras weren't on" but ... that's egg on my face for thinking TLC could produce provocative programming without resorting to their own tired tropes of "storytelling."

This show is the polar opposite of the great Transgeneration that aired on Sundance over 10 years ago. 

And thanks for your thoughtful, intelligent insight @millennium.  

[ArmenianGirl]

I know that being transgender must be difficult. I dont want to be insensitive but since these men are transitioning later in life well after puberty many do not look very attractive as women. It is no wonder that they are misgendered.

Conversion therapy. How awful! That is just abuse.  No one should have to go through that.

[Emkat]

Dis tew much!!! My god these poor people! 

[Granny58]

9 hours ago, ArmenianGirl said:

Conversion therapy. How awful! That is just abuse.  No one should have to go through that.

Yeah, that was terrible!!  But I wouldn't call that conversion "therapy," JUST abuse.  

[Granny58]

On 5/22/2018 at 10:34 PM, surveyandprotect1 said:

along with FTM

I doubt that a husband of a FTM would stick around long enough to even consider options.  

On 5/24/2018 at 8:27 PM, IvySpice said:

If there is such a thing as trans-dar, Troy didn't ping it for me. "I feel like a teenage girl!" I've been a teenage girl, and I just didn't recognize a fellow traveler in Troy. He just seemed creepy and gross.

is he the one in So. California?  If so, I agree.  I got a more autogynephilia vibe from him.   

[chickenella]

The couple selling their house, I think the wife's name is Beverly, when the realitor asked her while signing some paperwork and the spouse jumped right in and answered for her, omg, I just wanted to go through the tv and slap him! And the wife, too! One of the emotions she must be experiencing with the transition  would be anger, use some of that anger and speak up for yourself! That person is no longer your husband, don't let him talk for you! I feel so bad for Beverly (and the rest too) she seems sweet and must be holding back a breakdown over that smile.

I wonder about the sex lives of these couples. If the spouse doesn't feel like a man, how is he suppose to perform as one during sex? Their sex lives might be non-existent. Or a fake performance of the husbands' part. (I'm trying not to misgender these people but trying to get my thoughts understood at the same time, sorry if I'm messing up). The younger couple, she mentioned that they haven't had sex in over a month. Also, if they're taking hormones and testosterone blockers that isn't helping in the bedroom department. I am friends with a transman and he's said on more than one occasion that he wished he had a penis and hates anyone seeing his existing breasts, how can anyone perform with such body issues? I don't know but a sexless marriage would be going into deal breaker territory, no matter how much the couple loves each other, I guess? What a difficult situation for all involved.

[mellowjoi]

Millennium, I love you for telling it like it is.  I'll continue to watch if you'll review each episode with the truth about what should have happened.  Your recap was spot on.  

[SunnyBeBe]

I'm not sure how it works either, but, I have seen several women, who had transgendered from men, and they continued in their marriage to their wife and even when that ended, began intimate relationships with other women.  So, I would suppose that they describe themselves as lesbian.  Dr. Marcy Bowers, comes to mind.  She is transgender and a well known sex assignment surgeon. I would suppose that once you feel comfortable with yourself and confident with your body, your propensity to share your love and life increases.    

[CraftyHazel]

This show has the potential to be so much more than it is.  I understand that it's TLC, but still...

Whoever "transformed" Troy into Lucy?  I hope she wasn't paid for that!!  Lucy's body type is very obviously top heavy and muscular, and putting her into a snug little sweater dress was never going to look good.  Actually, aside from a wig and some eyelashes, Troy and Lucy looked exactly the same.

Leslie needs some help with that hair.  But if she did her own makeup, her skills are not bad!  

I like Lawren.  I like Jennifer.  But they make me sad.

And Karen, if you're going to pay for hair...pony up for something with a little style!

I liked Beverly much better this week, but she's going to complain about her spouse telling the real estate agent that she's (Karen) transgender, when she just told a bar full of strangers the same thing??

Miss Fame should be the transformation consultant for the show...I bet she could even make Lucy look good!

Edited June 7, 2018 by Marmiarmo
Language

[NinaH]

It’s funny what a couple episodes will do to change your perspective. Now I am wondering how long Stacey and Jennifer, esp Jennifer, can continue to shove down their own feelings, disappointments, bitterness, etc in order to keep their depressed husbands from offing themselves.  It’s not enough that they are being the utmost supportive, they also have carry the weight of their spouses mental/emotional well-being on their shoulders as well. I’d be very resentful.  

[NinaH]

I posted this on another episode thread but I think it belongs here:

 

It’s funny what a couple episodes will do to change your perspective. Now I am wondering how long Stacey and Jennifer, esp Jennifer, can continue to shove down their own feelings, disappointments, bitterness, etc in order to keep their depressed husbands from offing themselves.  It’s not enough that they are being the utmost supportive, they also have carry the weight of their spouses mental/emotional well-being on their shoulders as well. I’d be very resentful.  

QUOTE

 

[Guest]

I know it was staged by TLC, but when the realtor asked why Beverly and Karen were selling the house I yelled, "it's none of your business!" OMG?! Really? Why would some realtor care why they were selling their house? The only thing she should be caring about is if her check cashes.

4 hours ago, Marmiarmo said:

And Karen, if you're going to pay for hair...pony up for something with a little style!

 

Yeah, that hairstyle was pretty unfortunate. I liked that Karen liked it, but UGH. Come on. I don't know how they managed to attach the front to the top of her head though as she had no hair there to weave it to. That being said, the hairpiece was far and away a 100% upgrade from that bargain-basement wig she had on. 

I also nominate Stacy as Saint of the Year. While I applaud all of her efforts in helping Leslie during this time, Leslie also has a responsibility to her as her spouse as well. It seemed like the whole weekend in Seattle was structured around Leslie's happiness and without a single concern for Stacy's. While I get this is particularly trying time for Leslie, she still has a responsibility as Stacy's spouse to ensure Stacy's happiness as well. 

[CoachWristletJen]

Of all of these people, Cindy's spouse just seems very selfish and lacking in understanding of others.

Obviously, it's a beautiful thing for Lucy to live her truth.  That being said, does she expect her wife to become a lesbian? That's certainly not Cindy's truth! 

Someone who has been denied the chance to live their own truth should be all the more sensitive to another person's right to live as they truly are as well, but I don't think Lucy gets that.

It seems like Cindy has most of the money.  I get the impression that's another reason Lucy wants to hang onto her. But it's not fair. Cindy is not a lesbian, and she loved her husband, Troy, with her whole heart.  Troy knew he was a woman when he married her. That's not fair! Cindy had a right to know what she was getting into.

Troy should have married a bisexual woman who would have been compatible with Troy and Lucy. 

Now he's blowing up at her like she's done something wrong.

Not fair. 

On 5/28/2018 at 12:12 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

I am finding the show interesting.  As more and more people go public, I think we'll see this happening more and more in our communities.  And if it's not taboo, then, perhaps, less unsuspecting people will marry someone they did not suspect was secrectly transgender. 

I agree about how a spouse who get's tricked, might need some time to digest things.  They were not the one to hide their true self.  Granted, it may be understandable, but, pretending to be one person and then changing after many years of marriage, doesn't give you carte blanche rights to complete absolution, imo. 

I agree. I like the fact that we're seeing more shows about transgender people. We have a whole generation of kids who will grow up seeing this stuff and accepting it as normal. It's just like any other thing that a person wants to do, and that's how it should be! Love and acceptance. 

All of the women on the show feel that they were tricked. It would be nice to see another show with transgender people who didn't trick anybody. However, that's just TLC for ya.

[Irlandesa]

10 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I'm not sure how it works either, but, I have seen several women, who had transgendered from men, and they continued in their marriage to their wife and even when that ended, began intimate relationships with other women.  So, I would suppose that they describe themselves as lesbian. 

I think watching the couples where the spouse is supportive of their partner's transition fills me with more dread than watching the marriages that are ending or likely will end with a full transition.  With the marriages that are ending or could end, at least the question as to whether or not their marriage can survive is answered.  Whether these women continue to support their former partners or not, they don't have the added stress of making sure the romantic connection still works.

But with the supportive wives, there are so many unanswered questions.  They don't just have to worry if they can adjust their thinking to be attracted to their spouse regardless of their gender but there's also the real possibility that, even if that does happen, their spouses could realize they're not attracted to women any longer.  While a majority of people who transition remain attracted to the gender they were attracted to pre-transition, it isn't unheard of that their self-reported attraction changes.  So many questions for both partners and so while the supportive spouse is definitely a plus, it does add the stress of trying to figure out who they will be romantically during the transition process.

5 hours ago, Giant Misfit said:

I know it was staged by TLC, but when the realtor asked why Beverly and Karen were selling the house I yelled, "it's none of your business!" OMG?! Really? Why would some realtor care why they were selling their house?

I could see this as real estate agent small talk to see if she could maybe help them find a new house if they were downsizing.  But the real estate agent was not a good actor and it was all super awkward.  The big "none of your business" moment for me was when Lawren and Jennifer shared the news that Lawren was a transgender woman and the neighbors were asking Jennifer questions like "are you a lesbian now?"  Pardon my language but Jesus...fuck, lady, give her some space.  Both of them have to navigate so much without having to come up with labels to define themselves so you can put them in nice little predetermined boxes. 

[configdotsys]

Jennifer and Lawren: The lady at the coming out thing in the yard was asking too many personal questions. Lawren did not tell these friends about her situation so they could throw intensely personal questions at them. I'm sure it was producer-driven but it really put both of them on the spot.

I think all this truth telling is great for Lawren and probably provides a great deal of relief, but the more it comes out, the more real it becomes for Jennifer and her emotional state is traveling in the opposite direction from Lawren's. Lawren is feeling relief at finally being able to tell people who she is: Jennifer is not dealing with how she feels and she HAS to be feeling confused, hurt, etc. but is terrified to say so because of Lawren's fragile state. She is not focusing on dealing with her own feelings.

I'm not feeling Karen and Beverly. Beverly going on about her life situation in a bar last week completely turned me off. Then this week Beverly has the audacity to say, "I don't think everyone has to know," after Karen told the broker (which I thought was ridiculous). Right, but strangers in a bar can know? Karen taking over the conversation was off-putting. Beverly should have continued what she was saying and told Karen that she was not finished talking, she had something to say, and that half the house belongs to her and she has every right to have input. I wasn't wild about Karen's new hair but you could feel her joy through the television so that's what matters. Still, I'm just not into this couple's story at all.

Stacy and Leslie: Stacy is such a wonderful, supportive person but was maybe a little naive in thinking that Leslie would transform and everything would be the same except she would be a woman now. Leslie is so into her newfound freedom to be who she is (and that is wonderful!) but I think it's inevitable that Stacy is going to begin seeing incompatibilities developing. A case in point is their sex life. She will have to make whatever adjustments are necessary if she wants to stay with Leslie and at some point may feel that she is doing all of the accommodating.    

Cindy and Lucy: They need to follow Beverly and Karen and just split. Neither side is willing or able to change who they are. I must say that I thought Lucy looked terrible after the makeover. None of the choices that were made by the make up person were good ones and that's sad because even Lucy looked alarmed and dismayed. A different outfit and hairstyle and we might have seen a reaction similar to Karen's when she first saw her new hair in the mirror.

[Pepper Mostly]

16 hours ago, CoachWristletJen said:

I agree. I like the fact that we're seeing more shows about transgender people. We have a whole generation of kids who will grow up seeing this stuff and accepting it as normal. It's just like any other thing that a person wants to do, and that's how it should be! Love and acceptance. 

Truth. My son is 24 and knows/is friends with a number of transgender people. Its no big deal at all with his group of friends. He's always been very open and accepting of others.

[OrchidThief]

Gotta say I'm impressed by the gun-shop transwoman's beauty techniques. She's got it together a lot better than most cis women like me! I wonder if, in a situation like this, the cis-wife (is that a word?) gets jealous. That said, even drugstore makeup and products add up financially pretty quick. These two have known each other since forever and I think they'll make it.

Lucy doesn't seem comfortable with the work it takes to fix herself up. Guess what, transwomen, it's a lot of work to look good! Of course that was an extreme makeover for a party, but I wonder how she will fare in everyday life. The cis-wife is an engineer, so obviously very bright and high-earning, I think she might be happier if they split and Lucy can seek a new companion in the LGBTQ world.

I'm a middleaged woman who's onboard the "I give up" express in terms of fixing myself up. So my heart goes out to the transwomen just now crossing the beauty routine threshold. I'm also a southerner, so Leslie's interaction with her small hometown warms my heart and I hope changes non-southerners' view of us...and maybe they'll see us as more inclusive than they thought.

Edited June 5, 2018 by OrchidThief

[ChristmasJones]

34 minutes ago, OrchidThief said:

 I'm also a southerner, so Leslie's interaction with her small hometown warms my heart and I hope changes non-southerners' view of us...and maybe they'll see us as more inclusive than they thought.

I thought Leslie lived in Washington state.

[Irlandesa]

57 minutes ago, ChristmasJones said:

I thought Leslie lived in Washington state.

She does.  Stacey mentioned last week that they lived in a state that couldn't fire Leslie for being a transgender woman.  She was worried about the more subtle ways they could do it.

Edited June 6, 2018 by Irlandesa

[OrchidThief]

45 minutes ago, Irlandesa said:

She was worried about the more subtle ways they could do it.

I'm thinking she might be enough of a reality star to bring business *in* to a gun shop.

[millennium]

Random thoughts:

Troy/Lucy comes across as a textbook heterosexual crossdresser.    The "transformation" joint Troy/Lucy visited is of a type that caters nearly exclusively to crossdressers, particularly those who engage in the behavior clandestinely.   Did you catch Gina's (the proprietor) surprise when she said, "Your wife knows about this?"  Probably 95% of her clientele are in the closet.   They go there because they have few other options outside of lugging a suitcase full of dresses and wigs to a lonely hotel room.  And people like Gina, who always make a big show of "being there to help" individuals like Troy and "show them how to wear makeup," etc. exact a handsome price for their attention and companionship (taking the client out to a club, shopping, etc.).   A package like the one Troy signed up for was probably in the $500-$600 range or more, not including any clothing, wigs, makeup, etc. purchased from Gina (they tell you how great you look, then try to get you to buy the stuff) and/or "photo shoot" services she may have provided.   Gina's business is not unique.   Shops like that have been around for years and advertise all over the internet.   They play to the crossdresser's craving for glamour and fantasy, not to give them the age-appropriate appearance of an everyday woman.   That's why "Lucy" got out of the chair looking like a transvestite prostitute.   

Stacy is a doll.  She has beautiful eyes and a beautiful heart.   Leslie should not be surprised if one of these days local men start pursuing Stacy -- and she likes it.

The Leslie story seems like a non-starter to me, the primary reason being money.   Already she has placed her family in financial jeopardy by going to work en femme.   I get that she wants to be her true self, but sometimes practicality outweighs personal desire.   There are scores of transgender people across the United States -- many who are not only more financially secure than Leslie but who also don't have a pregnant wife and child to support -- who cannot risk losing their jobs.  They go to work dressed in male clothing, then revert to their true selves at night and on weekends.   It's a sucky arrangement, sure, but not having food on the table or a roof over your head sucks pretty bad too.   They bide their time until they think they can safely transition without being fired (or fired upon as the case may be at the GUN SHOP.)    But seriously, a gender transition costs tens of thousands of dollars.   Hormones can be obtained from Planned Parenthood but everything else?   The cost is astronomical.   Breast augmentation, facial feminization surgery, the "gender confirmation" surgery (orchidectomy, penectomy and reconstructive surgery), voice training ... to have it done in the US today probably ranges in the $50,000-$75,000 range, if not more.   They never say it on shows like this, but "transitioning" is a privilege mostly reserved for upper middle class to wealthy individuals.  That's one reason many transgender people hated the way Caitlyn Jenner publicly flaunted her costly plastic surgery, designer gowns, Kardashian lifestyle, etc.   Because many transgender people have no such options.   They're stuck where they are, in bodies they don't like, simply because they can't afford to change anything. 

How will Leslie ever hope to afford more than hormones when a trip to the nail salon almost broke the bank for Stacy?   I don't know, maybe the limited hormonal changes will be enough for Leslie.   Impossible to say.

AJ/Karen ... Typical.   Announces "I am a woman inside" and almost immediately behaves like a boorish male, cutting Beverly off in mid-sentence and making decisions for her when sitting with the realtor.   I also noticed Leslie apparently forgetting which gender she is while seated on the couch with Stacy, seated further back and her arm draped behind Stacy in a mannish fashion.  Comportment counts for a lot when you want the world to see you as a woman.   Caitlyn Jenner comes to mind again -- there's another who never made the least attempt to alter her mannerisms or body language to a more feminine carriage.

I am struck by the contrasts between the transgender individuals and the cis-women as captured by the camera.   The transgender individuals are totally absorbed with themselves, their appearance, and being "out."  "Look at me!  I'm transgender!"   The cis-women, meanwhile, all exhibited heartfelt concern and empathy for each other, whether it was the girlfriends at Ladies' Night worried about Jennifer, the realtor's (mostly) unspoken sympathy for Beverly, the quiet but firm support Beverly received from her teenage daughter and friend, or the honest exchange between Cindy and Jo the salon owner.   All I'll say is I know which group I'd rather belong to.

[suzeecat]

6 hours ago, millennium said:

 That's why "Lucy" got out of the chair looking like a transvestite prostitute.   

OMG, that WAS bad!  Way too much and not practical for everyday life either.  I guess the "big finale reveal" was for the cameras, but it may have been more useful to Lucy if she could have watched the process unfold in front of a mirror and maybe given some input along the way instead of going from male to drag queen in the blink of an eye.  She looked like she wanted to run and hide when she saw her reflection.

 

Quote

The Leslie story seems like a non-starter to me, the primary reason being money.   Already she has placed her family in financial jeopardy by going to work en femme.  

Keep in mind that this show is Leslie's job now.  I think being on a reality show pays more than working in a gun shop so it's a win-win.  The show may also even provide for the reassignment surgery if the show is successful enough to continue. 

[monagatuna]

7 hours ago, millennium said:

I am struck by the contrasts between the transgender individuals and the cis-women as captured by the camera.   The transgender individuals are totally absorbed with themselves, their appearance, and being "out."  "Look at me!  I'm transgender!"   The cis-women, meanwhile, all exhibited heartfelt concern and empathy for each other, whether it was the girlfriends at Ladies' Night worried about Jennifer, the realtor's (mostly) unspoken sympathy for Beverly, the quiet but firm support Beverly received from her teenage daughter and friend, or the honest exchange between Cindy and Jo the salon owner.   All I'll say is I know which group I'd rather belong to.

I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, my heart goes out to their wives. They married a cis het man, being a cis het woman, and they intended to have a cis het marriage. Then 5, 10, 20 years later, gets this bomb dropped on them. They have to decide to stay and be a lesbian, or divorce and uproot their entire lives.

On the other hand, my heart goes out to the transwomen. I just came out myself, last year, and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops (my partner literally did this when she came out). I almost married a man twice, because I thought I could convincingly live in the closet. I fought against every male partner I had with respect to gender roles, having kids, changing names upon marriage...turns out I was fighting the wrong fight, just as these women are. They're breaking hearts, but their hearts have been broken all along. They're only just now finding the freedom to be their true selves.

My heart aches for those trans people who have passed without ever finding the freedom and safety to be who they are. Times are changing and it's wonderful, but along the way there will be trouble and strife and heartbreak and confused families. 

[millennium]

2 hours ago, monagatuna said:

They're breaking hearts, but their hearts have been broken all along. They're only just now finding the freedom to be their true selves.

 

I'm sorry but I don't agree that they get a pass on hurting others because the've been hurt themselves.   The flagrant self-interest in this show and near lack of empathy for the cis-women partners is a complete turnoff to me.   It makes me cringe.  

Take Leslie in the nail salon.   Stacy made a really beautiful gesture, spending what precious little money she had on something she thought would make Leslie happy.  Rather than show her appreciation to make Stacy feel good, Leslie soured the visit by pouting "That guy said I look like a man."  Which left Stacy feeling bad and probably second-guessing herself.

The transgender members of the show say they love these women, and maybe they do, but they love the woman they see in the mirror more.   The cis-girls can't compete.   I'm not sure they've put it together yet that staying with their transgender partners will, in some ways, be like welcoming their husband's mistress into their homes.  The wife will always come second.   And after all the heartache and humiliation, there's a decent chance the day will come when the new woman will decide she wants to try life on her own and perhaps find someone who is truly attracted to her rather than someone who just goes along.

[monagatuna]

I don't disagree with you, millennium, and I don't think they get a pass either (although comparing a person's true/trans identity to "the other woman" is a new one to me). I just think it's sad all around. There is just no winning in these situations. Breaking their spouse's heart is not acceptable, but neither is being pushed back into the closet.

[Muffyn]

So much of what we are shown seems to be altered by them being on the show.  I can't say if Leslie is being selfish for pushing to transition now or if she is stuck because they have a contract with TLC.  TLC won't be particularly interested in the storyline of we've decided to wait until a few months after the baby is born.  Then I'll start the physical transition.  That won't leave them much to show. 

I also feel thats why we see so much focus on hair, makeup and clothing.  It's a visual medium and this is what we can see.  I don't take that to mean that the transgender women featured don't have deeper things that have prompted their desire to transition. If the primary focus in wanting a more feminine style is to feel like they look the way they feel inside, then they are addressing body dysmorphia.  Also it is one of the steps in physical transition.  

As for Troy/Lucy's transformation, that was atrocious.  That stylist (using the word very loosely.  What do you call a stylist with no style?  Just an ist?).  The makeup is so extreme.  I wear less when I am on stage and I am really pale.  The hair was overdone and out of fashion.  The dress made Troy/Lucy look broad-shouldered and boxy.  Unlike the other folks who seemed so happy to see their new hair or put on tasteful makeup and more commonly seen women's clothing styles, I expect poor Troy/Lucy to be horrified.  I do wonder if Troy/Lucy will be held up as the person who changes their mind about transitioning.  

[Muffyn]

On 5/30/2018 at 4:46 AM, Marmiarmo said:

Yes!!  When her friend asked that question, I melted.  It's a response of tolerance and acceptance and support.  Leslie now has at least one person outside of Stacy who will have her back, and I'm glad for that...because I think she is going to need all the help she can get.

Not a big Beverly fan so far.  She acts willfully ignorant, and she sure talked a lot of personal stuff to a large group of people she seems to have just met.  She's not really considering how her behavior could impact the safety of her family.

I have an almost visceral dislike of Beverly.  She seems to play the victim always.  I feel for her having married a transgender woman who did not reveal their gender until this many years later.  Beyond that, she infuriates me.  She airs her dirty laundry in the bar but does it in a poor me sort of way.  I sense her spouse is a jerk and has always been one; has nothing to do with being transgender - sometimes a jerk is just a jerk.  But Beverly doesn't seem like she was abused (in which case I would be more understanding).  She seems more like the type be a doormat then be really passive aggressive about how they were treated.  Stand up, speak up or keep your eye rolling and heavy sighs to yourself! (Okay, I am more cranky about this than I like to admit).  

Leslie's reveal at the bar was so TLC.  I would expect her to tell her friend prior to showing up in (tastefully done) makeup and women's clothing.  But TLC likes the big reveal.  Leslie is lucky TLC didn't get access to the clothes in the Botched closet and force her into a bikini or a super tight, really short dress for the reveal.  Guess she's lucky that's on a different channel.   

[IvySpice]

Quote

And Karen, if you're going to pay for hair...pony up for something with a little style!

Yeah, it was pretty unfortunate. I want to be a woman...a middle-aged DMV employee from Ass Backwards, Ohio.

[millennium]

29 minutes ago, monagatuna said:

I don't disagree with you, millennium, and I don't think they get a pass either (although comparing a person's true/trans identity to "the other woman" is a new one to me). I just think it's sad all around. There is just no winning in these situations. Breaking their spouse's heart is not acceptable, but neither is being pushed back into the closet.

I agree.   Hopefully these sad situations will become a thing of the past as our culture becomes more accepting of transgender individuals, and we become more accepting of ourselves. 

I condemn this show for focusing only on depressing transgender stories.   It's not a realistic portrayal of how things are today.   In fact, this show could have been made in the 80's, with all the participating couples reuniting on the Sally Jesse Raphael show.   Today there are many, many young transgender people out there who are rocking it and taking a truly positive approach.   They're all over youtube and elsewhere.  Just not on this shitshow.    Watching the new generation is bittersweet .  I'm happy for them, but at the same time I have to face that I'll never have the opportunities and possibilities they enjoy simply because I was born in the last century.  

[monagatuna]

I had the same thought. I was initially pleasantly surprised at how sensitively they treated the cast, but after watching two episodes I'm seeing TLC up to its old tricks. I wish they had included at least one FtM transition, or a younger person (though the "Lost in Transition" title might indicate they are looking for married, older trans people who might struggle more from both an emotional, logistical and physical perspective), and I hope they are at least paying for all or some of the physical transition. It's the least they can do for this level of exploitation.

[IvySpice]

Quote

Today there are many, many young transgender people out there who are rocking it and taking a truly positive approach.

That's true, but (small voice) the I Am Jazz show is really boring. Nice people living authentic lives with the support of a loving family = bad TV.

[Spike]

Boy that stylist who worked on Lucy didn’t even have her own makeup and hair done in an appealing manner.

I was surprised Beverly and Karen’s house was worth that much in Bumble Ohio.  Maybe it’s on a large lot.  With four cats it may have a certain scent as well.

Lucy is a smoker.  I assume Cindy must be as well because she has the yellowest teeth I have seen in a long time.  These big screens and HD we have nowadays are merciless.

[SevenCostanza]

On 6/4/2018 at 6:09 PM, Giant Misfit said:

I know it was staged by TLC, but when the realtor asked why Beverly and Karen were selling the house I yelled, "it's none of your business!" OMG?! Really? Why would some realtor care why they were selling their house? The only thing she should be caring about is if her check cashes.

Yeah, that hairstyle was pretty unfortunate. I liked that Karen liked it, but UGH. Come on. I don't know how they managed to attach the front to the top of her head though as she had no hair there to weave it to. That being said, the hairpiece was far and away a 100% upgrade from that bargain-basement wig she had on. 

I also nominate Stacy as Saint of the Year. While I applaud all of her efforts in helping Leslie during this time, Leslie also has a responsibility to her as her spouse as well. It seemed like the whole weekend in Seattle was structured around Leslie's happiness and without a single concern for Stacy's. While I get this is particularly trying time for Leslie, she still has a responsibility as Stacy's spouse to ensure Stacy's happiness as well. 

I agree!  Stacy is heavily pregnant and needs some pampering too.  Personally I think it was a little insensitive for Leslie to come out at this exact time, she should have waited until after the baby was born. I feel bad for Stacy being pregnant is hard enough without the stress of all these major life changes.

[OrchidThief]

Fun, light, ladies' night, Jennifer and Lawren ! No matter what one's marital issues are, probably not the place to bring your spouse to wet-blanket the mood with that, and with confessions of suicide attempts...there must be a better way or event to clue in the neighbors, if it's even their business. Was this just to share the news (if so, why only the women, why were men not present)? Or is Lawren expecting to attend ladies' night in the future? I bet this buzzkill ended the get-togethers for awhile. They must know these people well enough to understand they wouldn't have a problem with it (and they clearly didn't have a problem with it), so there must be a better way. I don't see how Lawren's transgender identity needs to affect everyone around her...it smacks of the self-absorption seen in this show that other commenters have mentioned above.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

I suspect they signed up for the show prior to knowing that Stacy is pregnant, and now they are stuck with the show's timeline.  This is yet another show that confirms the PurrsALot clan will never sign up to be on reality TV.  

[Guest]

Quote

Troy goes to a club as Lucy, but it fuels a fight with Cindy; Jennifer gets emotional after taking Lawren to get women's clothes and her hair done; Stacy and Leslie's investigation of facial feminization is followed by a surprise romantic proposal.

Episode description from TVGuide.com

[Meowwww]

My heart breaks for Leslie and Lucy.  

Leslie cuz people don’t recognize her change.  Lucy for her need for hormones and her wife who is a huge wall.  

[CraftyHazel]

I honestly think Leslie's hair holds her back from looking more like she wants to look.  Maybe a wig would help?  Because $28K for facial feminization surgery seems outside of her and Stacy's budget.

Speaking of Stacy, what a sweetheart she is!!  Leslie is so lucky to have her.

[DVDFreaker]

Leslie is very lucky to have Stacy! They are both a very cute couple!

[bref]

We would all be very lucky to be loved by someone like Stacy. Jennifer, too, but man. Stacy is seriously ride or die.

I can't look away from this show, even though I feel a certain amount of dread watching it. This shit is REAL. I honestly have empathy for every participant, even the less than pleasant ones, and I can't help but worry for them all in different ways.

Edited June 11, 2018 by bref

[Guest]

I think the realest thing I've seen on this show was Leslie breaking down in the plastic surgeon's office. Like @bref said, that shit was real. That kind of pain and hurt is only possible after living a lifetime in a society that forces you to conform to a gender not your own because of some old, unenlightened "norms." How much hurt and pain could have been wiped out of Leslie's life had she just been allowed to be who she was more than a decade earlier? Is it really worth the human suffering (both to those transitioning and their partners) to maintain that kind of facade? 

Even Jennifer in that hair salon. That poor woman was gutted. What could have saved her the heartache (and Lawren the same)? Having a society depend on science and medicine who can explain things much better than superstition and misreadings of ancient texts might be a good start. 

Lucy. Sigh. That whole transformation was just OTT. Why was she given Dolly Parton boobs? Why was she wearing some bodycon dress that even the thinnest among us would have trouble pulling off? (That said, her legs were ENVIABLE!) Also, wrt to Lawren and Leslie who probably secretly spent years applying make up to their faces in front of the bathroom mirror, had Lucy never done the same? I find it hard to believe that after all those years, she hadn't tried on clothes or worn make up as Lucy on her own. Why wait for some two-bit "transformation specialist" to do that for her? 

And would it be that hard for TLC to hire a continuity specialist? Last week, Stacy and Leslie went to get their nails done and then afterwards, allegedly go to the plastic surgeon for a consultation. At the plastic surgeon's office, Leslie's nails are clearly not done and I believe she was wearing the engagement ring on her finger. You know we can see these things, TLC!

[configdotsys]

The lady that dressed Lucy was very rude and impatient with her. For goodness sake, lady, this was Lucy’s first time getting dolled up and she has every right to dislike the wig you decided on or whatever. “I’m gonna rip the wig off your head…” wtf was that?

Lucy is very difficult to figure out. As soon as Leslie put on female clothing and make up, she seemed to fall into herself. Lawren seems terrified of the reactions she will receive, not of herself being a female. Lucy seems very uncomfortable and out of place. She’s also not very supportive of Cindy’s feelings and pain and I think that contributes to Cindy’s attitude about the whole thing.  

Lawren: I don’t agree with these clothing trips to small, shops. I’m sure it’s producer driven but the discomfort level would be so much less if they went to a large department store and if going in the dresing room was an issue, they could buy a bunch of stuff and return it if it did not fit.

Since Lawren is so fragile, I wonder if it would be better for her if she waited until the fear factor dissipated a bit and the “I can’t wait to get a female haircut” or whatever took over. My only small criticism of Jennifer is a general criticism: If someone is a nervous wreck about something, saying, “You’re fine” or “You’ll be fine” is an attempt to be helpful but it typically has the opposite effect.

Right before Jennifer said it, I thought to myself that she looks like she is mourning the loss of her husband as this gets more and more real for her. 

Stacy is a wonderful human being. 

Was glad the other couple was not on this week. I just have no interest in their story.

I hope @millennium adds her thoughts to this thread and every thread about this show. 

Edited June 11, 2018 by configdotsys
Fixed a typo and added a line.

[OrchidThief]

Stacy is such a beautiful person, inside and out. And incredibly thoughtful!

[Guest]

3 hours ago, configdotsys said:

Was glad the other couple was not on this week. I just have no interest in their story.

 

Apparently neither does TLC since they've been (mostly) absent from two of the four shows! 

[Kid]

If it were me, Lucy would have been out of the house by now.  Because, an asshole is an asshole in any gender!!!

Asking a straight person to be a lesbian is like asking a lesbian to be a straight person. It doesn’t work that way. What about that doesn’t dear Lucy get?