Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[yourpointis]

My experience is fairly extensive, but that wasn't the original point. I'm surprised they don't show kids sniffing papers when they're handed out. 

Now that brings back memories lol. 

[Sandman87]

My experience is fairly extensive, but that wasn't the original point. I'm surprised they don't show kids sniffing papers when they're handed out.

 

It turns out that one can still get mimeograph ink and stencils. Now if I could just find a source of spools for my wire recorder...

Edited December 4, 2015 by Sandman87

[Kromm]

It turns out that one can still get mimeograph ink and stencils. Now if I could just find a source of spools for my wire recorder...

Not quite as impressive, but I was at a Staples store on Black Friday and saw a section set aside where they have supplies for Brother TYPEWRITERS.

[ganesh]

Well, I didn't think anyone was going to get that joke, so kudos all around. 

[janie jones]

No, it doesn't. All my materials are on free online resources like prezi and piazza that have phone/tablet apps. My supplemental textbooks are on free hosted sites. They have been at three universities, one international, and a community college.

Actually, that's really dismissive of my actual, real-life experience that I was talking about and not some comment that I pulled out of my ass.  At one of my schools, that is literally not an option, because putting everything online would make it inaccessible many of our students, not to mention we don't have a projector in every room to project a prezi onto the board.

 

But also I think I should amend what I originally said by saying that it probably depends on the program/discipline, because I imagine that somewhere at my university, course materials are completely online.  I think some subject areas probably have gone more completely digital sooner than others; texts that we use have only just started being offered digitally rather than supplemental materials being digital.

[ganesh]

There's a huge and growing library of digital textbooks on coursesmart. They'll even let you review them for free. 

[Ohwell]

It turns out that one can still get mimeograph ink and stencils. Now if I could just find a source of spools for my wire recorder...

As a kid, I used to love the smell of mimeograph ink.

[Rockstar99435]

Actually, that's really dismissive of my actual, real-life experience that I was talking about and not some comment that I pulled out of my ass.  At one of my schools, that is literally not an option, because putting everything online would make it inaccessible many of our students, not to mention we don't have a projector in every room to project a prezi onto the board.

 

Yeah, I work at high school where 85% of our students live below the poverty line. I can't use online materials for my students because the majority of them do not have access to a computer at home. I have a white board in my classroom that I use daily. I write questions on the board, journal prompts, homework assignments, etc. Also, several of the teachers in my building still have chalkboards because that is what they were used to and they didn't want to switch to whiteboards when our school got a grant to pay for it. It's not weird or outdated to see teachers using whiteboards or chalkboards. It's a fact of life in a lot of high schools. 

[Kromm]

Yeah, I work at high school where 85% of our students live below the poverty line. I can't use online materials for my students because the majority of them do not have access to a computer at home. I have a white board in my classroom that I use daily. I write questions on the board, journal prompts, homework assignments, etc. Also, several of the teachers in my building still have chalkboards because that is what they were used to and they didn't want to switch to whiteboards when our school got a grant to pay for it. It's not weird or outdated to see teachers using whiteboards or chalkboards. It's a fact of life in a lot of high schools. 

Also there's this weird assumption that the boards are just absent--like they were taken out or something--from the classrooms simply because online methods also exist and are being used. 

 

Really?

 

Most schools are relics that are decades old. Because you know... no money. When are old blackboards taken out? I imagine when either the classroom is rebuilt, or at best when they might have been replaced anyway and the school instead just leaves the wall space empty.

 

With all those old blackboards around, do we really think nobody writes their names on them on the first day, even if they never use the blackboard again the whole year?  The cliche IS after all just about Day 1 of the school year.

 

==============

 

Okay new thing. Today it occurred to me how often on TV you see people with printed out utility or credit card bills that say "Past Due" or "Final Notice" in a big red ink stamp. This seems to me to be a fantasy.  First, a shit-ton of people have gone with paperless options. Second, even if you get behind, I don't really think they use red ink stamps, where someone has a little rubber thing they press against an ink pad and stamp onto the correspondence. But that's what we STILL often see on TV. In real life, the times I HAVE rarely gotten that bad with a bill, I think they do something more like printing the bill on pink paper.  NOBODY SITS THERE WITH A RUBBER STAMP! Really a real live person probably never goes near those bills when they're generated, even the final ones.

 

I know these are still sold in little stationary stores and such... but come on...

 

 

You know who still uses these?  The local contractor you hired to mow your lawn or reshingle your roof. Not every damn bill you get, like in the classic "Only On TV" (anymore) shot of the person with the desk full of "Final Notice" bills from everywhere. 

[DittyDotDot]

You know who still uses these?  The local contractor you hired to mow your lawn or reshingle your roof. Not every damn bill you get, like in the classic "Only On TV" (anymore) shot of the person with the desk full of "Final Notice" bills from everywhere. 

 

I was just about to say something to this effect...and then I saw you did. And, yes, I do get a couple hand-written bills...my snowplowing guy for one.

 

I used to do bookkeeping for a couple small businesses and never used a stamp. The statements would automatically be printed with an "overdue" graphic on them if that was the case, but individually stamping the statements? Never. I did go through all the statements while hand-folding and stamping them, though. 

[andromeda331]

Most schools are relics that are decades old. Because you know... no money.

Ah, now that sounds like my school. Chalkboards, 50 year old desks and textbooks just as old.  

[ganesh]

Our current president is Harry S Truman from Missouri. He used to sell hats.

[Constantinople]

Only on TV can you NEVER trust a local lawman (a local Sheriff or small town Chief of Police). They're always dirty/secretly in league with the bad guys (or the actual bad guys themselves).

I knew it!

I knew Andy Griffith was on the take!

But when I think of more recent shows, it's difficult. I thought I had one, but then I realized that though the "sheriff" in that show is one of the (relative) good guys, he's not actually the sheriff because he's an impostor.

[Demented Daisy]

Only on TV can you NEVER trust a local lawman (a local Sheriff or small town Chief of Police). They're always dirty/secretly in league with the bad guys (or the actual bad guys themselves).

 

For what it's worth, Sheriff Jodi Mills and Sheriff Donna Hanscum on Supernatural are "good guys".  Actually, most of the local police are helpful and supportive of the Winchesters.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv are all private detectives either alcoholics or at least always have a bottle of whiskey in a desk drawer.

[ChromaKelly]

Only on tv are all private detectives either alcoholics or at least always have a bottle of whiskey in a desk drawer.

People on TV tend to drink a lot more straight alcohol than IRL, at least in my experience.

[praeceptrix]

Only on tv are all private detectives either alcoholics or at least always have a bottle of whiskey in a desk drawer.

At this point in the semester, I often wish I had a bottle of scotch in my desk drawer. Sadly, I am not a character on television.

[ganesh]

You never see them pour some in their coffee nearly enough. Jessica Jones, though, she took that to another level. 

 

And they always buy little bottles. Just buy a handle; it's more economical! 

[legaleagle53]

It turns out that one can still get mimeograph ink and stencils. Now if I could just find a source of spools for my wire recorder...

 

Did I fall through a time portal and land in 1975?

[topanga]

Only on TV does someone walk through their front door at the end of the day, push one button on a remote, and their music automatically starts with the perfect song to match their mood, and it's always at the perfect volume.  I suppose these days someone would open itunes or amazon music on their phone, but on TV, people still have stereos. 

[ganesh]

Or more commonly you use your phone to hit up satellite radio and play it through your bluetooth speakers. I have a radio in the kitchen to play the news and sports when I'm in there, but that's it. 

 

And the remotely is always easily locatable. 

Edited December 10, 2015 by ganesh

[proserpina65]

Only on TV does someone walk through their front door at the end of the day, push one button on a remote, and their music automatically starts with the perfect song to match their mood, and it's always at the perfect volume.  I suppose these days someone would open itunes or amazon music on their phone, but on TV, people still have stereos. 

As opposed to my house, where I have to walk across the room, turn on the stereo, put in the right cd, find the right song to fit my mood, and by that time my mood has probably changed.  I wish I lived on tv.

[ganesh]

CD?! How's the weather back in 1997, over there?

[merylinkid]

 

And the remotely is always easily locatable.

 

This is the most unbelievable thing EVER on tv.

[proserpina65]

CD?! How's the weather back in 1997, over there?

Hey, I still use both my cassette deck and my turntable too.  Far too expensive to replace all my albums, cassettes and cds just for the dubious pleasure of having teeny-tiny earphones stuck in my ears.  I do have an Ipod, but I only tend to listen to it at bed time.

[ChromaKelly]

Or more commonly you use your phone to hit up satellite radio and play it through your bluetooth speakers. I have a radio in the kitchen to play the news and sports when I'm in there, but that's it. 

 

And the remotely is always easily locatable. 

And they never have to call to their spouse/roommate/SO "Hey, the bluetooth isn't working, which input is it?" "Ugh, now it's linking to your phone, not mine."

I swear they made the Apple TV remote so small on purpose so that you lose it and have to replace it every 6 months.

Edited December 11, 2015 by ChromaKelly

[ganesh]

Records are still a hip thing, though. There's high end turntables on the market. 

[proserpina65]

Records are still a hip thing, though. There's high end turntables on the market. 

True, but I've had mine since sometime before 1991, and it's far from high end.  But it's been with me through a bedroom switch and two house moves, so it must be halfway decent.

[ganesh]

Is it Fisher-Price?

[kiddo82]

The tan one with the orange turn table? I had that!

[Ronin Jackson]

Perusing this thread, I am curious, do you folks actually want to see people on TV searching for their remote, going through their ipod library, or actually have to read the text of the bills the character reads (that doesn't have nice, easily readable "Final Notice" red stamp on them?) There are certainly tons of things that tend to happen in movies and TV that don't happen the same way as real life, but that's because it's a visual medium that has to communicate ideas to an audience efficiently and effectively.... especially on TV where often times every episode needs to be the exact same length. I actually wish real life were more like that!

[ABay]

That's kind of the point of the thread.

Edited December 12, 2015 by ABay

[ganesh]

Once, just once, I'd like to see a character spend 10 seconds looking for the remote. 

[Ronin Jackson]

Fair enough. Another thing that only happens on TV and Movies.... no one ever says "goodbye" or "talk to you later" when they end a phone conversation. They just say what they gotta say and hang up.

[Kathcart]

Only on TV do you see someone answer a phone, listen for 1.5 seconds, and then say "Throckmorton P. Higganbotham has been kidnapped and is being held at the abandoned warehouse at the corner of South Murgatroyd Boulevard and the Rufus T. Fluffernutter highway and I need to find Superman and get him out there as soon as possible?"

[Kromm]

Only on TV do you see someone answer a phone, listen for 1.5 seconds, and then say "Throckmorton P. Higganbotham has been kidnapped and is being held at the abandoned warehouse at the corner of South Murgatroyd Boulevard and the Rufus T. Fluffernutter highway and I need to find Superman and get him out there as soon as possible?"

Hmm.  To me this seems more like a Batman (the 60s TV series) setup, with Chief O'Hara standing there right next to Commissioner Gordon when the call comes in.

 

[Joe]

According to fiction, when French people have trouble with English, they always say, " 'ow you say" before using the right word anyway. I work with a French woman, she's a pretty fast talker, but I've never heard her say that.

[Kromm]

According to fiction, when French people have trouble with English, they always say, " 'ow you say" before using the right word anyway. I work with a French woman, she's a pretty fast talker, but I've never heard her say that.

Or there's the alternative where they simply spit out an unlikely malapropism.  Unlikely usually because it's usually a "hilarious" double-entendre or outright sexual term.

You know. Like saying "I have to get the cock" instead of "I have to get the cook". 

[shapeshifter]

According to fiction, when French people have trouble with English, they always say, " 'ow you say" before using the right word anyway. I work with a French woman, she's a pretty fast talker, but I've never heard her say that.

Back in prehistoric times when I was in high school, and French was taught with an emphasis on communicating, we were taught that if we didn't know the correct word for something, that we should ask in French, "Comment dit on?" which literally translates to, "How does one say?" So maybe having a fictional character say "ow you say" is an American, non-bilingual writer's logical reversal of this means of communicating in a non-native language, but it is not used by people who grow up multi-lingual?

[DittyDotDot]

Only on TV can someone evade capture by running down a street in some little village in Afghanistan, on a cell phone, ducking in and out of buildings, no more than ten feet from dozens of "terrorists" who are looking for him. Because the man running down the street yelling, "where do I go now," is not at all suspicious, I guess?

[Popples]

Fair enough. Another thing that only happens on TV and Movies.... no one ever says "goodbye" or "talk to you later" when they end a phone conversation. They just say what they gotta say and hang up.

 

I know it's considered rude, but I kind of wish it worked this way in real life. I know more than a few people who won't get off of the phone even when I've said "good-bye, I have to go" more than once.

[Shannon L.]

 

I know it's considered rude, but I kind of wish it worked this way in real life. I know more than a few people who won't get off of the phone even when I've said "good-bye, I have to go" more than once.

I have a friend who is a wonderful person and I love spending time with her every so often, but I only call her when I have to leave the house or start something important about 10 minutes later or we'd be on the phone for an hour, the last 40 minutes of which I'm thinking "I called to ask if you wanted to have lunch tomorrow, you agreed, so why are you telling me all of this now?"

 

I know why they do this, but it still make me roll my eyes:  Only on tv can you and the same person be calling each other all day long on a particular topic that you are trying to nail down details on and the person who needs the most information will state exactly what it is every single time they answer the phone "Were you able to find out information on....[insert situation]?" as opposed to "Hi!  Tell me you have good news", or "Hi, what did you find out?"  or "Hi.  How's it going?" etc, etc.

[Joe]

Back in prehistoric times when I was in high school, and French was taught with an emphasis on communicating, we were taught that if we didn't know the correct word for something, that we should ask in French, "Comment dit on?" which literally translates to, "How does one say?" So maybe having a fictional character say "ow you say" is an American, non-bilingual writer's logical reversal of this means of communicating in a non-native language, but it is not used by people who grow up multi-lingual?

Interesting, I hadn't thought about where it might have come from. Good stuff!

[Bastet]

People on TV tend to drink a lot more straight alcohol than IRL, at least in my experience.

 

It seems the opposite to me, although I don't watch nearly as much TV as I used to so I'm not seeing a representative sample.  (Plus, I still play CDs, so, apparently, what do I know?)  Pretty much the only thing I've ever liked about Blue Bloods is that several of the characters are seen casually drinking Scotch or other liquor without it being some "uh oh, they have a drinking problem" portent. 

Edited December 13, 2015 by Bastet

[Sandman87]

Fair enough. Another thing that only happens on TV and Movies.... no one ever says "goodbye" or "talk to you later" when they end a phone conversation. They just say what they gotta say and hang up.

That takes me back to all the episodes of The X-Files. Every single phone call they had started like this, with the character names being the only difference:

 

(phone rings)

(answering) "Scully."

"Scully, it's me."

"Mulder, where are you?"

 

Every. Single. Phone. Conversation. And at the end they'd hang up without saying goodbye, as you mentioned.

[shapeshifter]

That takes me back to all the episodes of The X-Files. Every single phone call they had started like this, with the character names being the only difference:

 

(phone rings)

(answering) "Scully."

"Scully, it's me."

"Mulder, where are you?"

 

Every. Single. Phone. Conversation. And at the end they'd hang up without saying goodbye, as you mentioned.

So maybe like me, when you got your first cell phone, you regularly said aloud to your phone and yourself when calls were cutting out, "This never happens to Mulder and Scully!"

[Kathcart]

 

To me this seems more like a Batman (the 60s TV series) setup

May be, but I saw it happen on a rerun of Superman about five minutes before I posted that.

 

My point was, the person listens for a very short time and then repeats an incredibly long-winded message that they could not possibly have had time to hear the person on the other end of the phone say. Only on TV!!!

[Sara2009]

Hey, I still use both my cassette deck and my turntable too. Far too expensive to replace all my albums, cassettes and cds just for the dubious pleasure of having teeny-tiny earphones stuck in my ears. I do have an Ipod, but I only tend to listen to it at bed time.

I know of people( including myself) who still buy CDs occasionally.

[shapeshifter]

I just bought a stack of DVD RWs from Amazon because it was a fraction of the cost of what's available in brick 'n' mortar stores now since they are "old technology." But I do not pay for cable--I use a Mohu Leaf antenna to watch broadcast TV (*cough*and do unmentionable things to watch other stuff*cough*). Right before DVRs from cable companies became ubiquitous, I bought a DVD/VHS recorder/dubber because I often work nights. It was $200, which my daughter thought was a waste of money--but she's still paying for cable...

So, to tie this into the thread, I am able to watch lots of shows and to notice stuff that happens "Only On TV" because of my "old technology."

[roseha]

According to fiction, when French people have trouble with English, they always say, " 'ow you say" before using the right word anyway. I work with a French woman, she's a pretty fast talker, but I've never heard her say that.

 

I worked for a number of years on and off with a French woman, and noticed that she and other real French people say "oh la la" not "ooh la la" as TV would have you believe.