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All Episodes Talk: Small World, Big Lives

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Culture Check: How can the tropes and stereotypes we apply to TV personalities impact our fellow posters, and how do we remain mindful of these effects while discussing them? Please review for more on stereotypes and tropes.

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Culture Check: How can we express our opinions and consider the effect our assumptions may have on the people around us? What impact might speculation have on others, especially when we speculate about children or complex issues like neurodiversity?

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mythoughtis

mythoughtis

(edited)

Quite the traveler... somehow last minute travelled to a tourist site and then to Arizona the week of thanksgiving... if I read his posts correctly? 

And Matt... when you divorce your kids Mother and then take up with your farm manager, you are not likely to get to be the one your kids spend holidays with. 

Edited by mythoughtis
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Irate Panda
Irate Panda

A rundown of the show imo: Two LP got married because neither one of them thought they could do better than the other. They had 4 kids, despite probably realizing they were not a good mat

VioletNevermind
VioletNevermind

Ugh.  If I were Amy, I would be furious (and holding my cards very close to my chest).  That conversation in Matt’s office was nothing less than a three-on-one pile-on.  I just don’t understand how Am

funky-rat
funky-rat

We all need to remember that we came in to their lives after they had 4 children and had lived on the farm for a number of years.  None of us saw the years leading up to that.  I don't know what Amy w

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Celia Rubenstein

Celia Rubenstein

It sounds to me like Matt is really just trying to rationalize his choice to take off on a vacation instead of stay home for the holiday and be with family. But he's really getting as much mileage out of it as he can, the shameless huckster.

He has to point out that the only reason he left town was because everyone else all had these *awesome* plans .....  plans that didn't include him, though. The poor guy!  Shunted aside by his children that way. But is Matt upset? No, of course not ... Matt is cheerful and supportive. Nothing can get this plucky little survivor down. Amy the bitch obviously didn't include him in the family Thanksgiving dinner, but he doesn't care! Rather than be resentful he throws her a bone .. she helped him with the books! That Matt, what a great guy ... he doesn't have any grudges, not at all, no matter how badly Amy treats him. But just to be on the safe side, he has staked out a claim on Thanksgiving 2018 so everyone can rest assured he really loves his family time ... and also to make sure that Amy the bitch won't be able to ice him out of the festivities again next year. 

This is nothing but a self-serving passive aggressive swipe at his ex and the kids that conveniently gets him off the hook for opting to hit the beach with his drinking buddy then hook up with his girlfriend, which is what he really wanted to do.  He isn't fooling me for one second with this crap!

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ChiCricket

ChiCricket

(edited)
4 minutes ago, Celia Rubenstein said:

It sounds to me like Matt is really just trying to rationalize his choice to take off on a vacation 

This is nothing but a self-serving passive aggressive swipe at his ex and the kids that conveniently gets him off the hook for opting to hit the beach with his drinking buddy then hook up with his girlfriend, which is what he really wanted to do.  He isn't fooling me for one second with this crap!

Well, he's not fooling a lot of people on these forums..but boy oh boy does he get tongue baths in the comments on his social media from his leg humpers.

Edited by ChiCricket
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leighroda

leighroda

3 hours ago, Celia Rubenstein said:

It sounds to me like Matt is really just trying to rationalize his choice to take off on a vacation instead of stay home for the holiday and be with family. But he's really getting as much mileage out of it as he can, the shameless huckster.

He has to point out that the only reason he left town was because everyone else all had these *awesome* plans .....  plans that didn't include him, though. The poor guy!  Shunted aside by his children that way. But is Matt upset? No, of course not ... Matt is cheerful and supportive. Nothing can get this plucky little survivor down. Amy the bitch obviously didn't include him in the family Thanksgiving dinner, but he doesn't care! Rather than be resentful he throws her a bone .. she helped him with the books! That Matt, what a great guy ... he doesn't have any grudges, not at all, no matter how badly Amy treats him. But just to be on the safe side, he has staked out a claim on Thanksgiving 2018 so everyone can rest assured he really loves his family time ... and also to make sure that Amy the bitch won't be able to ice him out of the festivities again next year. 

This is nothing but a self-serving passive aggressive swipe at his ex and the kids that conveniently gets him off the hook for opting to hit the beach with his drinking buddy then hook up with his girlfriend, which is what he really wanted to do.  He isn't fooling me for one second with this crap!

Seriously, this is one of my pet peeves... when someone sits and cries foul about being left out. I mean I get it, it does happen and it really sucks when it does, but there are tons of families that have to make alternate plans due to everyone being “somewhere else” it just isn’t possible to have everyone together, especially with divorce. Families have to choose sides all the time, one year they do the husbands family, next year the wife... it really isn’t that big of a deal. If he’s that upset about not being invited he could have invited them to his house maybe another day or something. I’m surprised he didn’t play the “if I make it to another thanksgiving” card. Generally Amy hasn’t been too unreasonable when it comes to family events and him coming... but we all saw what happened last year when he came in and had lodged his complaints before he even got all the way inside. Amy’s not a saint, but I can’t blame her for being fed up when Matt tries to screw her over any chance he gets.

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Rap541

Rap541

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I could only stand to read a few of the comments posted ... it was too much to take. The hatred for Amy is so intense and anyone who dares question Matt gets SWARMED by his fan club. They make the Duggar leg humpers look calm and rational in comparison. 

And yet the leg humpers never really want to address the basic facts.

Matt left his wife of 25 years.

He very carefully arranged his exit with extensive planning - he insisted on a house being built on the property so he had somewhere to go.

He refused counseling.

He insisted on the divorce and wanted it done as quickly as possible.

At no point is Matt the guy who begged and pleaded to stay in the relationship. Amy was the one crying about it and if I think she was more crying about the unpleasant reality that she would be deemed a divorced woman than anything else, she still had regrets, which we've never seen Matt have. 

Matt tossed his wife away and merrily replaced her with an average height woman that he clearly had known for years. I won't even address the reality that Matt and Caryn were likely comitting adultery during the marriage, but I will point out that Caryn is obviously who Matt was having an emotional affair with for years.

Amy hasn't been unreasonable or unfair with allow Matt at family gatherings. She doesn't invite her own new fella, and Matt does invite Caryn.

So along with the reality that divorced people generally don't celebrate holidays together (and the ones we've seen on camera indicate Matt's a total prick when invited) there's also the reality that Tory has her own family, Audrey has her own family, and Josh has his own family, and they're going to occasionally want to spend the holidays with THEIR parents.

And Jeremy, Zach, Molly, and Jacob also do love their mom and are going to try to spread their attention fairly. And they are building their own families and will want to have their own traditions, where they have Thanksgiving or Christmas at their own homes.

While I think the kids are mostly spoiled little brats, I do think they love their dad and aren't willfully forcing the fucker to go to Hawaii alone and I dislike Matt painting this as "My kids chose their mom over me so boo hoo hoo I had to go to Hawaii with a friend and it was sooo damn awful to be alone even though I've previously established how I prefer to travel alone on my own agenda and also have established my views of 'I'm going to Hawaii and the family can fuck the hell off until I want their attention'. And even worse, I will spend time with my current lay, rub it in my ex's face and my children's face that Caryn's family accepts me more than they do, and I'll be fucking my new bitch hahahaha but I am the VICTIM here and SO LONELY AND EXCLUDED! YOU ALL NOW OWE ME BECAUSE OF THIS PAIN!!!".

Because it's not true. Matt has openly stated repeatedly that spending time with his family is a waste of his time.  He's openly stated he prefers traveling without the family, he clearly enjoys it. And he clearly enjoys being the family martyr, up on the cross in Hawaii, having fun in the sun and cheerfully grinding it home to the public how his family abandoned him for the holidays.

Seriously, Matt, no wonder they don't want to be around you, you treat them like shit and you encourage the public to take your side against them. What a passive aggressive bitch you are. 

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spankydoll

spankydoll

On 11/24/2017 at 8:42 PM, leighroda said:

Who goes to Hawaii that often without having at some point lived there themselves or having family there? He goes to Hawaii more often than I go to target.

What??  Have you been there?  Hawaii is a tropical paradise. Who wouldn't travel there repeatedly given the chance. If you have the travel bug you make it work. My favorite city is Paris and I've managed to get there three times this year. 

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Rap541

Rap541

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What??  Have you been there?  Hawaii is a tropical paradise. Who wouldn't travel there repeatedly given the chance. If you have the travel bug you make it work

Oh I think Hawaii is lovely and Matt clearly does too.

The problem  I have is when Matt Roloff makes his sad little puss face about how he hates travel and how it tuckers his tired broken body out so and doesn't everyone see how much agony and pain he's in while his *ungrateful family* ignores him. And when he goes on about how he loves *the farm*! His only real pleasure and joy is the time he spends on the farm! Doing projects ON THE FARM is all he wants and no one understands how all he wants is to spend his days on his property dreaming....

Matt loves travel except when he can use travel as a bitch point against his family and stage little pity parties for himself. I've seen fans defend him over being a prime dick with "Matt hates travel and only does it to please his family, it's basically torture on his poor body and they're so ungrateful!" - and thats bull shit. Matt's all smiles when he's ditching the family for fun in the sun. 

Basically, it's Matt being a passive aggressive shit stirrer, encouraging the public to praise him as the cute lil dickens suffering and to deride his nasty ex and his nasty ungrateful children who should, everyone of them, stand behind him and say "Yes Matt, what's your pleasure, Matt, we're all nothing without you, Matt."

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leighroda

leighroda

On 11/26/2017 at 11:16 AM, spankydoll said:

What??  Have you been there?  Hawaii is a tropical paradise. Who wouldn't travel there repeatedly given the chance. If you have the travel bug you make it work. My favorite city is Paris and I've managed to get there three times this year. 

I was being sarcastic, I’m aware Hawaii is a lovely place and if I had half the chance I’d go so maybe I’m just bitter... but my point was who has the funds and time to drop everything and go to Hawaii at every whim.

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spankydoll

spankydoll

On 12/3/2017 at 9:55 AM, leighroda said:

I was being sarcastic, I’m aware Hawaii is a lovely place and if I had half the chance I’d go so maybe I’m just bitter... but my point was who has the funds and time to drop everything and go to Hawaii at every whim.

I am willing to bet that Matt stashed away a bit of cash when he was married. There was probably a period of time that he knew that he wanted out of the marriage and into Karyn. Lots if people buy their pumpkins with cash. Just sayin' 

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Rap541

Rap541

So it's time for a review of Amy's Pumpkin and Orange Cranberry bread Holiday Pairing!

I ordered it last Friday, and received it this Saturday.

The Pros:

The packaging of the bread was professional and well done. Like, you could wrap up the box and gift it to someone and they would be all "oooh nice".

There were no obvious rat feces! :D

The pumpkin bread had nuts on top, which I haven't seen on storebought pumpkin bread and I liked it.

Both breads were tasty - I'd have no concerns feeding friends and family.

Both breads were nicely sized portions. You're getting an actual loaf.

I REALLY liked the orange glaze on the Orange Cranberry bread. It was tangy and tart and just really nice.

The Cons:

This is likely a matter of personal taste but both loaves were a little dry. I allow I tend towards sweet breads bought at the grocery store and those tend to be super moist for preservative purposes. Your mileage may vary.

The pumpkin bread was tasty but it didn't taste like pumpkin bread. It tasted like spice bread - which I like, but while there were trace elements of pumpkin, it really didn't taste like pumpkin bread at all. 

The Orange Cranberry Walnut had that tangy glaze on the top and I wish more of it had soaked into the bread because it was the drier of the breads otherwise and I would have liked more cranberries and walnuts to break it up.

Shipping was a bit spendy considering I ordered the bread on Friday, it didn't ship until Tuesday, I was supposed to receive it Friday but then it arrived on Saturday .

 

So, it's good but I probably wouldn't order again. If you're local, I could see it being a fun thing to gift someone with at a Christmas party but the shipping costs are pretty high otherwise.

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ginger90

ginger90

(edited)

According to a tweet of Amy’s she’s trying to “hunker down” editing a book that will be released in March. She doesn’t say what type of book. Has It been mentioned?  

Edited by ginger90
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Mindthinkr

Mindthinkr

26 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

According to a tweet of Amy’s she’s trying to “hunker down” editing a book that will be released in March. She doesn’t say what type of book. Has It been mentioned?  

Not that I'd heard of but I will venture a guess. A cook book? 

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ginger90

ginger90

Just now, Mindthinkr said:

Not that I'd heard of but I will venture a guess. A cook book? 

That would be my first guess. Then I was thinking perhaps it’s related to her “second act”.

Why can’t people just come out with it in tweets? Big mystery crap bugs me.

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Rap541

Rap541

Well, here are the options.

Amy is:

1. Writing a cook book again. I give this a maybe. I think it appeals to her ego to have her cooking acknowledged. This is essentially a vanity project.

2. Children's book. A children's book is like a go to option for reality show participants. They think it's not that hard and they're guaranteed a few sales and interviews because they're on tv. Note how Matt's children's book didn't set the world on fire.

3. Some sort of #secondact book. Gotta be honest, I actually think this is unlikely although I do hope to be proven wrong. I think it's unlikely because I don't see any way for it to not be a bit of a tell all about her marriage, and I think anything other than "Matt was a perfect husband and I was totally at fault" would torpedo their weird little truce over the failed marriage.

4. Some sort of Christian self help deal. I actually could see this because I think Amy is the most demonstrative and genuinely religious person in the family (ironic that Jer and Auj disdain her for being divorced). I just think that its a saturated marked and I find the subject matter dull. 

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Mindthinkr

Mindthinkr

7 hours ago, Rap541 said:

Well, here are the options.

Amy is:

1. Writing a cook book again. I give this a maybe. I think it appeals to her ego to have her cooking acknowledged. This is essentially a vanity project.

2. Children's book. A children's book is like a go to option for reality show participants. They think it's not that hard and they're guaranteed a few sales and interviews because they're on tv. Note how Matt's children's book didn't set the world on fire.

3. Some sort of #secondact book. Gotta be honest, I actually think this is unlikely although I do hope to be proven wrong. I think it's unlikely because I don't see any way for it to not be a bit of a tell all about her marriage, and I think anything other than "Matt was a perfect husband and I was totally at fault" would torpedo their weird little truce over the failed marriage.

4. Some sort of Christian self help deal. I actually could see this because I think Amy is the most demonstrative and genuinely religious person in the family (ironic that Jer and Auj disdain her for being divorced). I just think that its a saturated marked and I find the subject matter dull. 

After reading your well thought options I'll pick # 2. For her grandchildren. 

On # 4: I've never understood why Jer and Auj have "disdain" for Amy over the divorce. It was Matt who wanted it and was having (allegedly) the affair. Probably because Matt told her some kind of lie about her (and the divorce) being the  reason that he couldn't give them the big farmhouse. ('Oh gee kids, your Mom and I were going to build the neatest cabin, move into it and be sooo happy but then this marriage broke up and she took the big house right out from under me' type of bull crap). He can be a class A weasel. 

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Rap541

Rap541

Quote

On # 4: I've never understood why Jer and Auj have "disdain" for Amy over the divorce. It was Matt who wanted it and was having (allegedly) the affair. 

Honestly I have never understood why fans totally take Matt's side on the divorce and never acknowledge the basic fact that *Matt left Amy*, not the other way around, 

Point - I do tend to take Amy's side in things more, but divorces happen because of both partners. Amy married the first man who showed her any attention at all and allowed him to walk all over her for years. While I don't see Matt as capable of altering his basic personality, a lot of why they got divorced is that Amy decided her role in life needed to change.  Now, because I am a woman myself, I am more sympathetic to Amy's story than Matt's - because Amy was clearly told from an early age that if she was lucky, she might qualify as a wife and thats about it because of the dwarfism.  And she was clearly told her children might be taken from her, and that she was very very lucky to have scored a husband at all due to her dwarfism and all around uselessness. She accepted her role of mother and wife without complaint while Matt took on the traditional provider role and became unhappy only when her oldest kids were out of the house, and her husband was increasingly openly disdainful of the role he assigned her. Every idea she had, he dismissed on camera, and until the point he walked out, she was all about preserving the marriage... because that was all she had, being a wife and a mother. It's really rather obvious her identity was wrapped up in being a wife and mother. 

I do think there was genuine love at the start of their marriage. On Matt's side, I think the problem is that he got famous and it went to his head. His ego is off the charts and he's obviously into proving how he's as good as an average height guy and I imagine it does the ego good to have thousands of women posting on your Facebook how cute you are and what a great dad you are and what a great man you are. And Matt's a guy who always looks at the best opportunity. As the show went on, he started to realize that he didn't have to stay with a wife he no longer respected or even liked (and he pretty clearly played the "I'm up here and you are definitely down there" game with her). (While we're at it, Matt definitely played at driving wedges between the kids and their mom, just as Amy tried to turn the kids on her side)

It just surprises me that while Amy was certainly a shitty housekeeper and often bitchy,  Matt's almost routine "get pissed and crutch away" attitude towards her is... a man's right? Sometimes I feel like there are fans who believe Amy's role as a wife is to say "yes Matt, you're the man!" and drop to her knees to blow him if he snaps his fingers for servicing. He's the prince who openly states on camera that he intentionally lies to his wife about the money he's spending.

And that right there is something I'd like to see 27 year old married Jeremy address. As a man, a married man, does he think it's his right as a man to lie to his wife's face? As his father did and does?

I mean, thats probably the big reason I tend to take Amy's "side" in the marriage - because I would not want to be married to a man who not only lies to me about serious issues... but fucking brags to the public how he lies to me and how dumb I am to accept his word as a man. And thats the kind of man Matt Roloff is - a liar who brags how cool it is to lie and get away with it and thats why I am continually astounded by the fans who profess to be Christians who heartily endorse Matt in the divorce. Including Jer-Bear, whose marital advice is in direct opposition to how his father behaves and yet who grins and says not a word of protest when Daddy brags about how he *has to lie* to his now ex wife?

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

(edited)

@Rap541 I agree with a lot of your post, but there’s also the cultural narrative (if we take out the messages both Matt and Amy received growing up as LP and their religious backgrounds) is that it’s the woman’s job to keep her man happy and if he leaves her it’s HER FAULT because she wasn’t “good enough”. In 2017 we usually make exceptions to this rule in cases of extreme physical abuse or neglect (it’s okay for a woman to leave if her life is endanger or he is in prison etc), but being a general asshole who doesn’t respect his wife is because the wife is at fault. 

 

Im not a very loyal viewer but knowing how sexist Matt is and how sexist he raised his sons to be (which also fits into his experiences as an LP, despite his disability he at least is higher on the social hierarchy than a mere WOMAN), yeah I can see Jeremy expecting Amy to just “deal with” whatever Matt wanted from the marriage. And how dare Amy say “okay” to the divorce with a bit of dignity and move on, having a companion and joy in her own life, no she is supposed to be mourning the loss of her marriage to Matt until the end of her days. 

I think Matt asking for divorce was the best thing to happen to Amy. 

Edited by Scarlett45
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Rap541

Rap541

Quote

I think Matt asking for divorce was the best thing to happen to Amy. 

Totally agree. And due to the cultural narrative and religious background, she was never going to leave him. How long did it take her to move on? About a year.. all while Matt was throwing himself little stud parties and praising himself. 

The only reason I chide Jeremy for his "Mom should be waiting for Dad to forgive her and take her back, her happiness is wrong!" attitude is that the vast majority of his marriage advise is directly opposite of how his father treated his mother and he doesn't chide his father for things that he does theoretically disagree with.

Point - Jeremy is a bit of a dumbass and doesn't realize that he married his father in that Audrey clearly controls their lives as effectively as Matt used to control Jeremy. Jeremy thinks he's making decisions but it's been pretty clear that Auj "asks" him and tells him what to do. I mean, she controls his hair length. 

Matt's problem, and Jeremy's to a lesser extent, is that Amy is supposed to be unhappy and alone... and she's not. However people feel about Chris (not my cup of tea but nice enough) the fact is, he clearly seems to like dating Amy. Ie: I don't think he's being paid to date her or is dating her merely to be on tv. Is he going to be her new husband blah blah blah? Probably not but I don't think he's fucking her over.

And I will be honest and say, I doubt Caryn has some ulterior motive to dating Matt. I doubt Matt will marry again and I really doubt he realizes he's not the prize he thinks he is. 

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Scarlett45

Scarlett45

(edited)

@Rap541 I 100% believe that Chris is happy dating Amy for WHO SHE IS, and Matt despite being a dumbass doesn’t have a low IQ, he knows deep down inside that Caryn probably has ulterior motives. 

A year is not a “long time” to wait to move on after a divorce (from a long term marriage with children), Amy did the emotionally healthy thing and took some time for herself. All of her kids are grown and capable of caring for themselves. She seems to love being a grandmother, Jeremy should be glad she’s happy. No she may not marry again, a lot of older people don’t see the point of their kids are grown, they just have “companions” etc (again I don’t think there’s anything wrong with middle aged or elderly people getting married).

I think Matt likes to play the “I am man hear me roar” to overcompensate, although he likes to play the machisomo role, statistically LP women partner with average height men at MUCH HIGHER rates than LP men with average height women (same thing goes with men with other physical differences/disabilities). Amy wasn’t a perfect wife, but she did want to be with him, he is the one that wanted to leave the marriage and something tells me she will be the happy one when all is said and done. 

Edited by Scarlett45
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MargeGunderson

MargeGunderson

10 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Want a clean house like Amy's ? ...........

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1746154668731060&id=191460144200528

Most assuredly not. All the cleaning products in the world won’t help if you don’t use them/can’t find them buried under a ton of crap, Amy.

In the spirit of the holidays, I will say that she looks nice in the picture. That shade of blue is lovely on her.

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BusyOctober

BusyOctober

18 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:
On 12/17/2017 at 7:36 AM, ginger90 said:

Want a clean house like Amy's ? ...........

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1746154668731060&id=191460144200528

Most assuredly not. All the cleaning products in the world won’t help if you don’t use them/can’t find them buried under a ton of crap, Amy.

In the spirit of the holidays, I will say that she looks nice in the picture. That shade of blue is lovely on her.

Maybe Amy plans on strapping little wash cloth booties on the cat so he can clean as he wanders all over the counters? If she lays down a spritz of all purpose cleaner, the cat can pad through and at least sanitize small sections of her food prep area.  

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Guest

Guest

19 hours ago, BusyOctober said:

Maybe Amy plans on strapping little wash cloth booties on the cat so he can clean as he wanders all over the counters? If she lays down a spritz of all purpose cleaner, the cat can pad through and at least sanitize small sections of her food prep area. 

And..please let the all purpose cleaner be green.  We do not want chemicals to injure the cat mop's paws.

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AZChristian

AZChristian

7 hours ago, ChiCricket said:

Why is Auj Poj wearing that stupid hat in the house?

I'm surprised she doesn't have a hat on Ember.  Ever since she started getting so many internet comments about the child never wearing a hat, she's ALWAYS wearing one.

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Celia Rubenstein

Celia Rubenstein

Nice to see Jerm and Odd have deigned to tolerate the presence of Chris at their little family gathering. They probably just agreed to it because they knew they were getting presents. 

Can someone please Photoshop Matt's sad frowning face peeping through the window?  Because I like to think of him regretting being a selfish ass during happy family moments like these, from which he is now excluded! Thanks!

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Rap541

Rap541

Honestly I try to keep an open mind since I am a firm believer in people being allowed their personal tics and choices - I live my life, and if you want to live yours differently, as long as you're not hurting other people, do what you like.

But since Jeremy seems to not want to be considered a whipped bitch girly boy, and does (on rare occasion when he thinks it won't be noticed much) like to snot how he's a straight man married to a woman and that is God's way, and therefore the ONLY way* then I have to question when he's going to sack up, nut up, and stop being Mr. Audrey Botti. I mean really, he moved from Bend to Portland because she wanted it, he wears his hair as SHE likes, and he dresses in her rather feminine clothing line.

*I asterisk because Jeremy does not love Jesus enough to keep his clear comments about how he does not approve of gay marriage and therefore believes gay people should be denied basic civil and government rights due to his religious beliefs public. When people actually pay attention to his words, Jeremy gets scared, and tucks his cock and balls down until he's as smooth as a girl down there, and shuts his mouth when his religious beliefs might offend the people who pay him. 

I don't like people who have loud hateful beliefs but I at least respect them for being adult enough to own the consequences. Kirk Cameron pretty much blew his career because of his love of Jesus... Jeremy Roloff so far has not been willing to follow his example so when he prances about on camera in his matching jammies and his wife's hat, and his wife's flowery sweatshirts... Yeah, I find myself questioning his masculinity and his manhood. I mean, at the end of the day, his main source of income is STILL sucking off his mommy and daddy's disabilities. He's a man now, with a child. Is he ever going to do anything other than nod as Daddy speaks, or nod as Auj lets us all know how she's trained him to jizz at the sound of their wedding vows?

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