BusyOctober

Ramona is such a narcissistic loon. She has been for years, so why any of her supposed eleventy hundred “girlfriends” act shocked when she behaves so atrociously is stupid. The friends she thinks she has only show up to her birthday parties for the Page Six mentions and the swag bags (filled with Ramona’s products from the clearance or past-expiration date rack). Did I hear Ramona tell the match maker she wanted a man who was “on my level...travels to Europe...” When was Ramona in Europe?? The only trips she goes on are the cat fight expeditions Bravo pays for, or to her house in the Hamptons. Is there a Europe, NY? Or is she confusing the Berkshires For the Alps? Her “friend” Ron? Rod? is such a Star f***er. He likes being on camera, but is sooo awkward. Speaking of awkward, how about Ramona poking that guy’s stomach and commenting on his paunch like it was a costume? What a clueless byotch.

I was looking forward to RHONY returning, but that was a shit show. This whole season has been a shit show. If all Bravo can do to get these shrewish harpies in front of cameras is to ply them with alcohol, I don’t want to watch anymore. These women always had arguments and grudges, but now it’s all about embarrassing drunken screamfests. Unlike Leah, I can’t understand sloppy drunken slurred speech. I forgot that language a few years after I graduated college, since as an educated, working adult I didn’t need it anymore. Watching Leah, Dorinda and especially Sonja lose their collective shit week after week is depressing. I know they were supposed to look spooky or zombie-ish, but Sonja looked 15 years older. She needs serious help for her drinking and her delusional mania. Maybe Bravo can get a group rate if Dorinda and Leah are a bundled package. Leah wants Rob back so bad. Her daughter seems hip to her mother’s BS and it was good to see her skillfully handle Leah at that dinner. I found the self produced talking heads off putting too. But the whole vibe of the filming of this episode (especially the ‘party’) seemed off kilter. The editing, the pacing. Just weird. The ‘girls’ and even the party invitees and background randos seemed to be acting in a very bad play.

“Scusi, mio sono Marco Polo!” I laugh every time...then I walk around my house saying It out loud, to no one, for a few hours.

I love Steve Carell, and most of the actors in this (except the woman playing the daughter...she can’t act, or she was given some reallllly bad advice from the director). However, between the acting choices, such as Carell’s gravely voice, and the writing, this just did not work. I was expecting a mix of a political sharpness and farce in the vein of “Veep”, & a workplace comedy. Maybe they tried too hard to be everything. Or didn’t try hard enough. The writing should have been a home run, but these storylines barely made it on base in any given episode. If it comes back for another season: Lose the awful voice or inflection or characteristic tic, Steve. Lose the daughter....send her off to college or recast her with someone who can act. If Lisa Kudrow’s character is stuck in prison for 40 Yrs, then just don’t bother to show her. Save her salary for a new batch of writers, or use it to give more time to the other Chiefs of Staff...that is a strong and potentially hilarious ensemble that was sorely underused.

Bye Tinsley, good luck and happy trails. I hope you get what you want in Chicago. I hope you and your suitcases of ‘glam’ apparatus and your crates of glue on spider lashes live happily ever after in Scott’s Koupon Kabin Kingdom. I am beyond thrilled that I will not be watching you screeching like a 5 year old, or alternately, twirling with tutus and tiaras like a 5 year old anymore. I am also eternally grateful I won’t be seeing Tinsley’s “Mommmmeeee”, Dale, the Stepford Wife prototype, again. Romona’s Bday extravaganzas get more cringey every season. This year’s theme is her ‘coming out party’ because she’s coming out as single??? Huh? Hasn’t she been single for a while? She’s been “out” troweling every bar and screwing every man she nabs on the UES for several years already! Why can’t she just be honest and tell the clucking hens to STFU, “I am throwing myself an extravagant, over the top catered affair to make up for my horrible childhood. I am inviting dozens of female acquaintances so I can surround myself with imaginary BFF’s to keep reminding myself people really like me. It’s my party, and I will self-promote if I want to!” It probably costs more than I'll make in a lifetime, but damn, Leah’s apartment is small! That kitchen is so tiny...I could never cook or bake in there like I do in my kitchen! And mine is only 8’x8’, but I have good counter space. UGH! Why do we have to watch Luann’s behind-the-scenes cabaret crap? Bad singing was one thing, but now we will subjected to bad comedy? If those auditions were any indication, I’d say it’s more of a ca-BORE-ay show! (Thank you, I’m here all week! Try the veal!)

I was on such a roll with the happy tears and good vibes. Then I watched Abby the Activist. Her activism is admirable, she is living her convictions. Abby has more passion and purpose then most 18 year olds. She will go on to do great things with that passion. However, in addition to learning how to care for herself and amp up her style and confidence, she needs to learn to stop saying “like” in between every other word. I had to FF through some of her scenes because the like count was approaching the thread count of my favorite Egyptian cotton sheets ( total indulgence, totally something Abby would not approve of). That, and the nervous anxiety based giggling make her less credible. And until all of us Boomers and Gen X-ers die off, speaking like a tween and giggling could be detrimental to her causes.

Such a nice surprise to see this new season after a spectacularly sh**** week! As per usual, I cried for the Pastor and the Dog Groomer episodes. Love theses guys so much.

Sonja and Romona are two of the tackiest, classless, clueless, uneducated shrews ever. All of these women (except Elyse) have been messy and inappropriate, but Sonja and Romona are the most embarrassing when they are out in public IMO. Watching them flirt with the two guys from Hair Club for Men was weird. It was incredibly rude to the restaurant staff to not sit at the table. They all behaved badly in the restaurant, and once again my sympathies go out to the staff and other patrons. Tinsley is pathetic with the baby voice, the pretty pretty princess clothing, the teary tantrums... at her age it’s just pathetic. Watching these woman behaving badly all these seasons, and especially this season, a thought popped into my head tonight. Remember the Barry Manilow classic, “Copacabana”? This is what I think of when I see these women prowling around for men in bars and over drinking and crying over what had been... Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl But that was thirty years ago, when they used to have a show Now it's a disco, but not for Lola Still in dress she used to wear Faded feathers in her hair She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind She lost her youth and she lost her Tony Now she's lost her mind These Housewives are all aging, sad, has been LOLAS.

Aaron is certifiable. He looks stoned or hypnotized whenever he’s on. Maybe all the A1 smothered filet mingnon is counteracting with his crystals and his tin foil hat? Or that giant penis is draining all the blood and oxygen from his brain? I get that he was trying to defend his and Denise’s position, but I don’t think any of the other women understand Aaron’s dialect of Bat Shit Crazy. Rinna and Erika talking about missing out on their “once a year hot dog” at Kyle’s...really? You are both millionaires (allegedly). If you want a hot dog, send the help out to get one. Did Teddi learn nothing from “puppygate”? Don’t try to play head games, or “run’n tell dat“, or try to throw shade, or attempt to read any of these women. You do not have the required skill level.

I’m sure Bravo won’t agree with me, but I would love to see an episode where these woman have a dinner or a mini vacation where only ONE glass of wine (or cocktail) is served at each meal, and no extra booze is supplied. I am curious how these people would interact without being lubricated by copious amounts of alcohol. My theory is, they would discover they really have nothing in common other than getting blitzed and can’t related to one another as true friends do in the real world. I don’t find Tinsley’s pillow to be an issue. I think her dependency on 5lbs of fake lashes is more concerning. Dorinda needs deep therapy to deal with the death of her husband. He is gone and never coming back. To keep dragging the weight of his death and absence around is unhealthy. Keep the memories, treasure his spirit, and how you felt as a couple. Bring that happy, positive energy to your present life. Wallowing in depression and reminiscing over what you had 7-8-9 years ago is grounding you in emotional cement. Luann must have suffered some memory loss due to her drinking. She said with such conviction that she “never” behaved as bad as Leah when drinking (cue to roll into the bushes footage). However, that wasn’t the ONLY drunken antic for Lu. It’s the one of the few filmed. How about her whole arrest story? Walking into the wrong hotel room with some rando from the bar? Resisting arrest and assaulting a cop? Running through the backyard in her nightgown, screeching for millions to buy a house? Elyse is trying sooooo hard to get that apple, huh? She has some Jill Zarin- level of thirst going on! Thank God Sonja wasn’t the focus this week. As uncomfortable as it was to see Leah’s behavior, I was thankful I didn’t have to hear about the yacht, the toaster, her ex, her pussy. As for Leah, that was disturbing and sad. She seems to have been pushed into a slump over whoever “Pita Pocket” is and his no show date. It shows me for all her tough girl attitude, Leah is a pretty fragile person with self esteem issues. Alcohol (or drugs) is not ever gonna help. I wonder if her daughter’s father ends up using this footage to keep the daughter away from Leah, even short term? Finally, I attended a wedding at Castle Hill a few years ago. Absolutely stunning. One of the most gorgeous places I’ve visited. I live 2 hours away from Newport, and we go on day trips often to shop, or tour the mansions. I had second hand embarrassment for every single store owner, hotel guest, waitstaff, tourist, squirrel and seashell who had to witness one minute of these women. For all their pretenses of class and etiquette, there is not one of them who knows how to behave in public.

I haven’t been a big fan of Denise, but I am on her side in this stupid, boring, nit-picking, pot stirring “plot”. My house, my kids and their friends present, then my rules. She is not in the wrong for asking these horny middle aged women to chill with the sex talk in the presence of children. If anything, I will put blame on Denise for actually inviting the stupid, vapid, disloyal, petty bunch of bitches to her home in the first place. As for the Pit of Vipers, is this the ground they want to plant their Mean Girl flag? Over a diamond shaped ice sculpture, and whether it’s cool to discuss adult topics in front of teens (and tweens) just because of past risqué or outrageous behaviors by the parents? Then Kyle would have no problem with her girlfriends discussing Aunty Kim’s whacko behavior, addictions, shop lifting and hospitalizations in front of Portia? How about how Kyle’s mom was a controlling, alcoholic stage mom who pushed her daughters into acting to help pay the mortgage, and caused irreparable damage to their psyches (addiction, self-esteem issues, anxiety, eating disorders)? Rinna would be all cool beans if the ladies want to hang out at the (fake) DNA store with Thing 1 & Thing 2 to discuss the rumors about Harry’s past allegations, or the long swirling rumor that he is gay, and Rinna has been his beard for decades? Do Dorit and PK welcome lengthy poolside cocktails & conversation in front of their toddlers about their Daddy’s gambling debts, and how he has such abysmally poor credit that he can’t put his name on the house they live in? Now THOSE are the scenes I would love to see on RHOBH.

I thought I missed a huge scene between Perez and Nick discussing the chief and his possible involvement with the Greeks...but I don’t think I did. There was no mention of him being a dirty cop. The money hidden in Judy’s paintings was a cool “happy ever after” plot device, but I wondered how no one in the police dpt Noticed how heavy those paintings were. They were medium sized canvas paintings with wooden frames. They don’t weigh much. But addIng a few hundred dollars of stacked bricks to each one would make them considerably heavier than they should be, no? I had a feeling as soon as I saw J & J driving the SUV that Jen’s stop sign (or possibly lack of one) would come into play. I didn’t see Ben being the driver who hit them...I thought it would be Perez. I don’t know who the actress is, but I’m not a fan of Judy’s love interest. I’ve seen her in a few other things, and I just don’t think she can act. Overall, I enjoyed S2. I guess they semi- wrapped up most of the storylines in case S3 isn’t on the books. I would like to see another season, but if it doesn’t happen, I can live with this ending.

So Dorit has left her swimwear line to become an interior decorator? Wasn’t she “all in” and 120% committed to her trashy, derivative bikini biz a couple of years ago? Now she is “investing in”, or decorating what looks like a glorified Olive Garden with more “authentic, EYE-talian” tchotchkes tossed on the walls? She told the owner she’s 120% committed to this project. I think Dorit’s “120%” is code for how much money is owed on PK’ gambling debts, and how much time she and PK need to work it off.

Audrey looks like she’s hunkering down to fart in every photo. Add her huge gaping maniacal maw, and she definitely looks like she getting her kicks “crop dusting” during her photo shoots.

I sure hope Bravo reimburses all these businesses for the damage and hazmat services required after any Housewives outing. Not to mention therapy for the men who are sexually harassed by Sonja, Ramona and Lu. For fuck sake...I don’t think a bunch of drunken frat guys would destroy shit like these women. I’ve seen a classroom full of kindergarteners with behavior issues act more respectfully. Climbing the apple trees? Ripping off ears of corn and stuffing them in your purse? Taking a piss in the middle of a corn maze where other guests will be walking through??? I guarantee Sonja and Leah left their used toilet paper or corn leaves behind in the maze. All this atrocious behavior on top of drunkenly screaming at each other as other paying customers tried to have a nice lunch is appalling. Messy Drunk Sonja has never been funny to me. It is sad and distressing, and it gets worse every season. I am no Prohibitionist and enjoy letting lose with a few drinks. But as a 40+ year old mother to a teen daughter, slurring my ramblings, flashing my pubic area or boobs, and molesting anyone sitting near me is just not anything that would ever happen. I know my limit, and have true friends who would shut that shit down and toss my ass in an Uber before I made a fool of myself.