S04.E03: Week 2, Night 1

[OnceSane]

Quote

A guy from Rachel's season shows up with a date card, and the other men grow jealous; one female who's unsure of where she stands with her man sets her sights on the newcomer; one couple stumble upon some dancers and join in on the dancing.

[Armchair Critic]

Is it me or is this cast the least attractive? I mean Iggy? He was lucky to find somebody then he ditched her. smdh

[saber5055]

Oh, man, Dean, what a loser you are. Here's hoping he goes home. IMO, Dean is the worst guy there. Christina should give her rose to AJ.

[nlkm9]

so wait--adam says he met Rachel before? Im so confused....( adam is the dummy guy, right??"

[saber5055]

I think the cast had a get-together party in Dallas during the Corinne-Demario "break." Last week Dean and Cristina talked about being together in Dallas. Maybe that's where the show put them up while the "are-we-continuing" discussions went on. Meanwhile, any grown-ass man who screams and runs from a freaking BUG is O-U-T of my life. Jeezie pete, what a candy-ass. I suppose I'd have to kill all the spiders and any insects that came into that relationship while he ran outside (or inside) to hide. No thanks.

Yes, Adam is the guy with "AJ," the best bach on this program IMO! And AJ is in Paradise! Yeay!

[ByTor]

2 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Meanwhile, any grown-ass man who screams and runs from a freaking BUG is O-U-T of my life.

Same...I'M the one who screams and runs from bugs! 

[Wandering Snark]

Okay all the girls are saying the guys aren't interested and then Adam comes in and he is talking to six bros all in the hot-tub together without a woman to be seen. Does anyone want to talk to girls or do they all have cooties? This is not the time for a huge bro-down. Reminds me of 'Say Anything' where Lloyd asks all the guys who know so much about women why they are at the gas-n-sip on a Saturday night with no women around.

[Jaded]

This first hour has been pretty boring.

[Armchair Critic]

&%$#!  are they interrupting the show for Trump?

[nlkm9]

OMG. They just broke into the show for Trumps speech. isnt this on about 30 other channels?? GRRR. if Kristina still gives Dean a rose shes an idiot. And Alex is an idiot. didnt like him on Jojos season,(never understood why she made out with him), dont like him now.

[Jaded]

I saw it said earlier today that the interruption was going to happen on all stations but watching all the crazy eclipse stuff made me forget. Supposedly the show will finish out in it's entirety after he's done.

[Meowwww]

Ohhh no not Trump!!!! 

First, rain here for the eclipse.   Now Trump interrupting my show????

[hyacinth]

Did Dean not know when this was filming that he might be considered for the Bachelor?    It's almost like he's trying to appear unlikeable.    Having said that, bring on D-Lo!    

I live in Florida but even to me these people seem sweaty.    I ran out of wine and I think I need it to watch this show.   

[LittleCabbage]

Damn you, Trump! I wonder if the second hour is going to be viewable On Demand?

Best thing in the first hour was Jack Stone saying that Dean would be great to date... if you're a twelve-year-old girl. Second best thing in the first hour was Jack Stone talking to Alex (the pina-colada-ordering 'basic ass bitch') about why he got along well with her. By the way, has anyone figured out why the hell everyone calls him Jack Stone? 

[Wandering Snark]

Okay, we're back and they've gone right to the Rose Ceremony, did we miss any grovelling?

[LittleCabbage]

Aw. How could no one have picked Vinny? His mother's going to be so disappointed.

[Armchair Critic]

They took away the suspense of who was getting the last rose because they had showed Robbie in the previews with Amanda. 

Dean's hair is not much better than Robbie's.

[Rabithed]

Vinny was adorable in the back of the "reject" ride. I swooned whenever he mischievously smiled at the camera. 

[saber5055]

Vinny and the seat belt has been the best part of this show so far. I would have kept him over Mr. Bad Personality Dean in a heartbeat. And WTH is with everyone thinking this DLo chick is the hottest ever? Just because she was wearing a boob-revealing dress? Okay, so I answered my own question. She looks no better or worse than anyone else. But Cristina should thank her BIG TIME for taking Dean out and saving her from a big, fat zero relationship with that jerk face. Meanwhile show, thanks for letting me catch up on Frasier reruns while (fill in the blank) preempted BIP. Oh: And Nick, that's what you get for becoming blotto drunk as soon as you hit BIP land. 'Bye.

[LittleCabbage]

And The Most Awkward Series of Side-Hugs Award goes to... D-Lo. Was she doing this to keep her bewbz from falling out of that ill-fitting dress?

[Wandering Snark]

Yikes... how hot was that shot of Kristina in the 4th of July bikini?? I mean damnnn. Dean is such an idiot. I feel like if we were playing upgrade/downgrade her to DLo is a definite downgrade, no matter how awestruck these morons were when she walked in with her chest hanging out of her dress. Also, I hate girls that can't stop giggling every 5 seconds even mid-kiss!!

ETA: When you ask someone if they're mad and they say "I don't hate you." in response? Yeah... not good.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Wandering Snark

[Armchair Critic]

Kristina needs to move on. Dean has turned out to be a dude bro douchebag, glad he will not be Bachelor.

[saber5055]

Hey, we don't know yet that Douche Dean will not be the Next Bach! And yeah, all the side hugs with DLo and that ... dress. All I could think was, she was doing side hugs so all the guys could get a better look at her boobs. And LOL at Dean saying DLo "isn't afraid to get dirty" because she's sitting on a shiny clean ATV and driving it. Right. Let's have her clean a cattle barn with a pitchfork or digging potatoes and THEN we'll decide if she's "not afraid to get dirty."

[sistersledge]

Was that the worst advice Diggy could have possibly given Kristina? "You have nothing to worry about!" Come again? What show is he watching? She should have moved on immediately and not dragged it out for another 20 minutes, middle schooler indeed.

I do not get the Adam love. Or the Raven love but maybe it's bc she is 'dynamic.' I think Alexis is actually prettier, but it might just be the stringy long hair. She needs a fresh cut.

[saber5055]

So that date was just riding around on an ATV? Wow, big whoop. I barely recognize Robby, his bump-it hair is deflating, a victim of the humidity. It's almost back to a normal 'do.

[Armchair Critic]

Dean is also a liar - "we had a peck". 

[TomGirl]

DLo is a cute enough girl, but Kristina puts her to shame.  She is drop dead gorgeous.

[Armchair Critic]

Way to make it awkward Dean with the half birthday cake.

Awww Dolphin Girl is a sweetheart laying next to Kristina.

[saber5055]

Deja vu to last year and Josh's pizza habit. I KNOW there is more pizza in Paradise, Alexa, don't cry. And LOL at Amanda telling one of the dudes he's "all sweaty." Bad Josh mojo, that problem!

[Rabithed]

Ugh Dean, what a douchebag...and his mouth/teeth bug me. Kristina made a huge mistake giving him a rose but I'm finding it hard to believe she is that crazy for him. She can do WAY better. 

Adam?, he's lucky this seasons guys are not all that. 

Matt brings the mature sexiness.

Alexis is funny but her eyes are really creepy. What a snooze fest. 

[saber5055]

I'm thinking TPTB tells all the new people coming in whom to ask on their date, just to cause Trouble in Paradise. It's just too much of a "coincidence" that every new person asks out someone and DRAH-mah ensues.

Remember when Kaylon (I think that was his name) took himself on a date? I might ask AJ out if I were in Paradise.

[Armchair Critic]

6 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

It's just too much of a "coincidence" that every new person asks out someone and DRAH-mah ensues.

I wouldn't doubt it. Or else she looked around at the other guys and saw it was slim pickings and went with the best looking?

[Rabithed]

Quote

I wouldn't doubt it. Or else she looked around at the other guys and saw it was slim pickings and went with the best looking?

Yeah, even that's a stretch! I think Derek is the best looking (but he's taken). 

[saber5055]

Would Derek say no if he were asked on a date? I'd like to find out. Stuff like that happened last year, people from established couples got asked out. And DRAH-mah ensued! Memory test: Has anyone ever said no to a date on this show?

[Meowwww]

46 minutes ago, Rabithed said:

Ugh Dean, what a douchebag...and his mouth/teeth bug me. Kristina made a huge mistake giving him a rose but I'm finding it hard to believe she is that crazy for him. She can do WAY better. 

Adam?, he's lucky this seasons guys are not all that. 

Matt brings the mature sexiness.

Alexis is funny but her eyes are really creepy. What a snooze fest. 

His teeth!!!!!!  So totally fake.  Too big for his mouth.  He can't even breathe around them!   Sooooo unnatural. 

[bequialife]

Oh, come on, Adam, why Raven!  You just asked all the guys the lowdown on the girls and they said Raven is highly popular, so why would you pick her for a date.  Especially when others have connections with her.  There are plenty of other gals there to get to know, whom have not been on any dates.  It is early on so get to know the others first.  It is not as if you are bringing Raven to home dates!

[yorklee2]

I think Dean wants the right to date whomever he wants but keep Christina on the hook just in case. That was really mean for him to bring out the birthday cake and not only hurt Christina but embarrass her in front of her friends. He turned a lot of people off right there. I think even the guys thought that was a shitty thing to do.

And for Danielle L.? She's pretty but I don't think she's prettier than Christina. And I still think she acts like a airhead. She uses her physical assets to attract men because that's all she's got. I think it was Ben Z who said, "come on she knows what she's doing with that dress". I hope someone better comes along for Christina because Dean doesn't deserve her.

Edited August 22, 2017 by yorklee2

[Wandering Snark]

4 minutes ago, yorklee2 said:

That was really mean for him to bring out the birthday cake and not only hurt Christina but embarrass her in front of her friends. He turned a lot of people off right there. I think even the guys thought that was a shitty thing to do.

Everyone seemed to be a little appalled at his crass "half birthday" shenanigans. There was a lot of 'C'mon man!!' expressions. It's all about timing too. This was the absolute wrong time to be making gestures to another woman in front of the whole group. I think Dean's problem is he really just doesn't think, but this did NOT look good. Ass.

[Rainsong]

A shorter post..the first segment of tonight’s episode was gobbled up by the DVR gremlins but no matter – very little happened on a 2-hour show so it was hardly a loss.

Speaking of losing and losers, Kristina is well shot of Dean but can’t seem to muster the courage to break away.  Surely she must know that the producers will move heaven and earth to keep her face and her bod and her fetching accent on the show by flying in more males?  She may be on the fast track to Bachelorette anyway but let’s give her a fair crack of the whip in Paradise first.

Raven’s complexion has signed the instrument of unconditional surrender on the deck of the SS Mexico.  It has officially lost the war with the heat and humidity of the tropics.

Nevertheless, she is bouncing between dates and dudes.  At one point there’s even a Gone With The Wind style camera shot with Scarlett aka Raven framed by eager suitors.  Coming from tiny Hoxie, AR she is giddy with the attention but the ego meter is starting to bounce into the red.

Speaking of perspiration, Robby has inexplicably opted for a tight button up black shirt with a mint green bow tie and is absolutely dripping with sweat as his dodgy combover reveals.

ABC, Fleiss and CH seem mighty sure of their audience loyalty – they flat-out spoiled tonight’s rose ceremony last week by showing Robby & Amanda getting amorous in the pool.  So while Amanda may reject his pathetic ‘kiss me’ speech she still gives him the rose and we know at least part of the rest of the story.  And why is she playing hard to get?  She’s been on this show longer than Chris Harrison and should know the ropes.

‘Fashionable’ Diggy with his vast shoe collection has chosen old man’s Top Siders.  What’s the male equivalent of a frump?

Fair play to Alexis who is suddenly displaying some wit even if she punctuates it with profanity.  But her idea of a courtship is looking around the bar at 3 AM when the house lights come up and the TVs are turned off so she seems ill-suited to the whole ‘finding love in Paradise’ thing.  Scientific note:  her fake lashes are approximately the same length as the blades of the ceiling fan and move the same volume of air but in a vertical plane.

Adam does a drunken-uncle-at-a-wedding and demands that Raven dance with him with the inevitable spins and dips and the more inevitable flamenco guitar cues from the music editor who can always be relied on for hoary clichés.

Raven’s response to someone’s demand for information is ‘I don’t know.  Does that answer your question?’  No, my dear, that’s not how questions and answers work.

Iggy and Lacey’s interaction is painfully forced.  Their fake laughter is worse.

Speaking of forced, Alex’s door-to-door salesman-style quest for a rose is as pathetic as it is futile.  He’s got a devastating case of the ‘likes’:  like, every other, like, word is, like, like.  We really like that he’s gone.

The rose ceremony holds very few surprises but that doesn’t stop CH from helpfully explaining the tricky math of 12-4 = 8.  As the producers push harder and harder for couples to form early the RCs will continue to be robbed of drama.

Derek’s ears perk up when Taylor calls his name.  Correction:  his ears are like that all the time.  Never mind.

Matt leans his head sharply to one side when he does an on-camera interview.  Is that side of his head much heavier?

The second half of the show was, regrettably, the Dim Dean Hour.  Every sentence begins with Dean looking away or over the shoulder of his partner in conversation.  Nervous quirk?  Rudeness?  The more likely explanation is that Dim Dean struggles to form complete sentences and is relying on cue cards held up by the producers.

But Dim Dean is one of the few lads in this year’s cast who might reasonably be considered photogenic.  Most of the others border on the unattractive.  I imagine some also-rans from prior seasons are kicking themselves that they didn’t have this lot of average joes to compete against for female attention.

Danielle L arrives with her cleavage and her thighs.  The men swoon and the ladies fume.  What’s the point of having an intelligence briefing on current couples if she’s going to ignore the information she gathers anyway?

Dim Dean annoys Kristina and the viewing public by gaining a date card.  He then loses a different card - his man card - when he allows Danielle to drive the ATV.  He avoids eye contact with Danielle as he did with Kristina but still manages some awkward kisses.  It’s difficult to shake the feeling that Danielle may have an agent managing her interactions with ABC and that she has less of an interest in ‘finding love’ and more of an interest in remaining on television for as long as possible.

The rationing of booze has, predictably, made Paradise rather boring for the cast who spend most of their days doing absolutely nothing.

Dim Dean returns and manages to alienate Kristina not once but twice by first relating the details of his date, temporarily making up with her then crushing her spirit once and for all with his contrived half-birthday nonsense.  Kristina looks stunning in her US flag bikini but she needs to muster more of that Russian cut-your-throat-for-fun stoicism.

Next week’s episode will be another disjointed mess as, for reasons unclear, a studio audience is gathered to listen to DeMario’s confession and defense about the Corinne incident.  In other words, a large chunk of the airtime will be devoted to something that was never actually shown on camera.  Gee, what are the chances he fully exonerates his actions before, during and after?

Edited August 22, 2017 by Rainsong

[Jaded]

I fell asleep during the last half of the show after it came back from the preemption. I woke up to the preview showing the studio audience. 

[PhysNerd]

My thoughts on this episode:

1) Danielle L and Dean are perfect for each other:  they both giggle and speak like middle schoolers.  
2) Dean is a total jerk. I can't believe he thought that stupid half-birthday was a good idea with Kristina around. Kristina should thank her lucky stars that Dean is showing is true colors. 
3) Raven: can someone please explain to me what the big deal is about Raven? She's not ugly; she's just odd looking.  I can't figure out why Raven is more popular than Kristina.

[yorklee2]

7 minutes ago, PhysNerd said:

My thoughts on this episode:

1) Danielle L and Dean are perfect for each other:  they both giggle and speak like middle schoolers.  
2) Dean is a total jerk. I can't believe he thought that stupid half-birthday was a good idea with Kristina around. Kristina should thank her lucky stars that Dean is showing is true colors. 
3) Raven: can someone please explain to me what the big deal is about Raven? She's not ugly; she's just odd looking.  I can't figure out why Raven is more popular than Kristina.

I think the men are drawn to Raven because she is so easygoing which makes it easy to talk to her. She's outgoing but natural. And I'm not sure she's that photogenic. Maybe it's a case of someone looking much better face to face than through the camera?

[PhysNerd]

13 minutes ago, yorklee2 said:

I think the men are drawn to Raven because she is so easygoing which makes it easy to talk to her. She's outgoing but natural. And I'm not sure she's that photogenic. Maybe it's a case of someone looking much better face to face than through the camera?

Ever since Raven told Nick about beating up her ex boyfriend with a stiletto, I have had a hard time seeing her as "easy going." Lol. There is a lot of rage underneath that sweet exterior. 

[yorklee2]

1 minute ago, PhysNerd said:

Ever since Raven told Nick about beating up her ex boyfriend with a stiletto, I have had a hard time seeing her as "easy going." Lol. There is a lot of rage underneath that sweet exterior. 

I see your point but I've always had a problem believing if that was the true story. Not saying she didn't confront them but I believe the producers blew that up out of proportion to create as much drama as possible. I could be wrong but that whole story didn't ring true to me. I'm sure she has a temper when provoked but there are many women the same. If her story was completely the truth then she needs anger management classes.

[SnapeCharmer]

What a funny episode! Breathed life into this boring season. Poor Dean. Not. How stupid can one man be? I guess his stupidity is only topped by the silly women taking his B.S. Both of these young women can do so much better.

[Teddybear]

Drink every time Ben Z mentions his dog.  

Who wears a pearl choker to the beach, and leaves it on for an ATV ride?  And who is this D. Lo person anyway?  I've never seen her before. 

Update: OK she was on Nick's season.  I don't remember her at all.  

Edited August 22, 2017 by Teddybear

[HappyDancex2]

No one should allow themselves to continue to be called "D.Lo."   Her voice grates so much like I cannot like stand listening to her like choice of like words like either.  She was insufferable with Nick with the giggle talking.  And when she kissed Dean, he smiled (of course) and she kissed his teeth and got lipstick all over them.  Barf.

[Etta Place]

I didn't realize pearls were the appropriate accessory for riding ATVs. 

[HappyDancex2]

Many speculated Dean was this flaky kid who wasn't ready to settle down when he was on Rachel's season.  Rachel dodged a bullet there. 

RUN KRISTINA RUN!!

[Refresh]

Wouldn't have thought I'd be enjoying Alexis's commentary but I am.

 

Diggy: "you say yes to the dress".  

That was funny and lightness was needed. More Diggy! 

 

I feel like Dean has the potential to be a really good guy but his balls need to drop first. He's still very much a boy and wants everyone to like him. Or something. Bad strategy.