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Most of the relationships on this show are based on a male/female being desperate for a relationship so they establish one online along with the fantasy that this other person loves them. Then they meet up expecting this magical relationship to work instantly and be true love.  They are still strangers letting their "partner" only know positive things about them so there is a lot of fraud going back and forth.  However, on the main 90 Day Fiance show, it seems that most have met each other on vacation or on business trips, etc.  Even though they don't usually know each other very well either, it's definitely harder to hide some of the negatives that this group is doing.  I can't see any among this group even get to the point of being on 90 Day Fiance.  But they have been an interesting group to watch!

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16 minutes ago, ethalfrida said:

Mixed cultural relationships have existed far longer than we can count. To doom them right out of the gate is to deny history and what already exists.

Frida, we are not saying they are doomed.  They just require a lot of work and ultimately fizzle.

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1 hour ago, ethalfrida said:

Mixed cultural relationships have existed far longer than we can count. To doom them right out of the gate is to deny history and what already exists.

The difference though, as others have said, these people are virtual strangers to each other -- and in some cases, can't even communicate with each other without media devices.  Plus, in most cases, the bride or groom to be is escaping an impoverished life and therefore may not have love as the motive for the relationship.  In the case of the American, it's typically someone who is looking for a younger, more attractive mate that they could never attract here in America.  And they are controlling the relationship through green card.

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2 hours ago, ethalfrida said:

Mixed cultural relationships have existed far longer than we can count. To doom them right out of the gate is to deny history and what already exists.

True. They can work. These cannot, though, because these people don't know each other and have no real interest in learning about each other's cultures and personal histories.

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On 9/27/2017 at 1:49 PM, Granny58 said:

For women (and men, I guess) who live in these kinds of environments, I don't disapprove of their prostitution at all.  If I was in the same situation, I can't say I would be above it.  (I thank the Lord I'm not in that situation).  People gotta do what they gotta do.  Since Abby doesn't seem like a pro (not so sure about Jenny) AND (speculating) if she has been doing this, she may want to be getting out of it and hoping to snag an American.  Truthfully, again I can't say I wouldn't do it.

After reading the horrific article about mothers making mud pies using dirt, butter and salt, I can agree with you on that.

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I'm so happy I found you all. I went home to visit family and ended up binge watching this season. This is the best show I've ever seen in my life and deserves all the awards. (I previously said that about Hamilton. But I'm not ashamed.)

So many of my thoughts have already been expressed but I'll just add a few things:

It was really suspect that Jesse told Darcy that she would need to adapt to his people being blunt but as soon as Darcy got blunt and "sassy," Jesse said it was a problem. Hmm, I wonder why...

Also, I don't think he was actually upset that she was drunk. Darcy started drinking to develop that liquid courage and sure enough her frustration with him started coming out. Jesse would have hated and banned anything that gave Darcy personal autonomy. If it was a friend who encouraged her to stand up for herself, he would have told her to never see that friend again. Same thing if she had developed a hobby that encouraged independent thought. He's deathly afraid that people with whole self-esteem will leave him, so he controls them by making them feel small, unworthy and fortunate to have his guidance.

And another thing, I'm over him and his friends chiding Darcy for talking about wanting to marry Jesse. It's not like she's just pulling the idea out of her butt. They, as a couple, signed up for a show called 90 Day Fiancé where the premise implies that these are people thinking about getting married in a short period of time. If he needs years to get married, maybe he should go on The Bachelor, that show heavily implies famewhore. 

Now Paul. Paul is a comedic genius. You can tell during some of his more flamboyant scenes that he's showing off for the producers and he just comes up with words and one liners that I will remember for the rest of my life. Penis Fish is right up there with other great aquatic legends like Loch Ness and Swamp Thing. I'm going apple picking with friends soon and as soon as we pass a lake I'm bringing up that fish. I do question why it only attacks penises though. Wouldn't hu haas be prime targets for it as well. I hope someone has a picture of what it looks like. 

I wish I could see the whole scene again where Paul threatens to jump into the poop water of death. I could have sworn that in the middle of all the angst and drama, Karine yells out, I don't care and for a second Paul stops and says, "Aww, that's sweet." But then he goes right back to his death wish. He was truly psycho - like he has 2 personalities psycho. 

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1 minute ago, AmyBre said:

This forum has the smartest participants of all the boards in the www.

Well, THAT is a post that should "go pink" for getting more than 25 likes.  Just remember who was here for that first!!!

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On 10/2/2017 at 6:22 PM, wovenloaf said:

I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here.  (Well, no, actually - I think I do get your implication, I just find it uncalled for and am hoping you meant something else.)  I haven't seen a single person here object to Jesse's decision to avoid alcohol/dealing with drunk people.  What I have seen (and agree with) is people objecting to the manner in which he seems to have failed to previously explain to Darcey that that was important to him, and went from "Enjoy some wine with my mom!" to "Never drink a single drop again or this relationship will immediately be over!" in a matter of hours.  And in context (of what we see on the show anyway), it seemed over the top and controlling. 

 

On 10/2/2017 at 8:59 PM, Meowwww said:

See, I have been Darcey to an extent. 

Not an alcoholic, but in a relationship with a controlling narcissist for 8 years.  Jesse reminds me SO MUCH of my ex.  It starts small....by the time my relationship ended, I had no friends, was separated from family, and my self esteem was non-existent.  I had been conditioned to feel like my opinions don’t count. 

The way Jesse said “let me finish” and “what is up with the attitude” brought me right back to my hellish past.  I had therapy for years after it ended, it’s no joke  

And yes, ex and I would have fights where I would need to just run away.  Normal?  No. But nothing was normal in that relationship.  I see Darcey realizing it and it breaks my heart. 

So maybe the focus shouldn’t be on her being an “alcoholic”  I think anyone who has been in my shoes recognizes it  

I completely recognize the controlling, narcissistic behavior you described.

Jesse's "Let me finish" and "what is up with the attitude?" brought back dark memories for me, as well.  I can't tell you how many times my ex would snap at me with the "Let me finish!" command.  

When Darcy said, "Problem solved," after Jesse told her that he resolved the closet situation, he shot back with, "But that's just it; there is no problem."  

Jesse will never allow Darcy to act naturally, to be herself.  His contentious approach to everything she says or does, and his need to control, will kill any chance of a lasting relationship. 

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3 hours ago, StayingAfterSunday said:

Jesse will never allow Darcy to act naturally, to be herself.  His contentious approach to everything she says or does, and his need to control, will kill any chance of a lasting relationship. 

Yeah and the lack of discussion about the drinking, just you will never drink again indicated he doesn't give a shit about her, her issues, and feelings.

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4 hours ago, StayingAfterSunday said:

Jesse will never allow Darcy to act naturally, to be herself. 

Maybe we need to define "naturally," and send her  for therapy to help her be herself.   Isn't that called "her authentic self" ?

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8 hours ago, StayingAfterSunday said:

Jesse's "Let me finish" and "what is up with the attitude?" brought back dark memories for me, as well.  I can't tell you how many times my ex would snap at me with the "Let me finish!" command.  

When Darcy said, "Problem solved," after Jesse told her that he resolved the closet situation, he shot back with, "But that's just it; there is no problem."  

Jesse will never allow Darcy to act naturally, to be herself.  His contentious approach to everything she says or does, and his need to control, will kill any chance of a lasting relationship. 

I recognized him through those responses as well.  Darcy should do a 180 toute de suite.  

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On 10/6/2017 at 7:30 AM, Awfarmington said:

A few guys (at least) have said they are looking for a foreign wife for the above reasons. But I find it interesting they're all finding woman above their pay grade. If they're truly looking for family oriented ladies, why aren't they marrying average women that are equal in their looks department? Like Mark...does he really think he could attract a pretty, 19 year old girl in this country? I know that's an extreme example but the others aren't too far off. It would be refreshing to hear one of these guys be honest and say they are looking for a babe that would be out if their reach in their own country. 

Yeah, they can't find afford someone sexy enough for them in the U.S., so they have to take their wallets overseas, where the U.S. dollar goes further. I know it sounds crass, but they can't find love in the U.S. because they're losers. So they make it sound as though we women are the losers, and we're too career oriented or too independent or whatever.

Edited by jennylauren123
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On 10/5/2017 at 2:26 PM, MrSmith said:

This is true. They can. It's a lot work, though. Most people aren't very good at it for a number of available reasons, with the preceding sentence being but one of those. I suspect, and have no empirical evidence to back me up, that most people aren't very good at it both because it's a lot of work and because they either aren't motivated to do the work or are unable to figure out how to go about it. If people are able to open themselves up, they can have a successful relationship. I still don't think this applies to every relationship with an age gap, particularly the ones where the age gap is very large (such as Hugh Hefner and any of the women he enslaved ... sorry, "dated" ... over the last 20 years of his life or so).

I agree with this. Abby and Chris have a seemingly effortless connection because both have allowed it to happen. There's genuine chemistry between them. They seem to focus on what he can offer her and she him. There are indeed benefits to be gleaned from the age difference.

Abby can be truthful about who she is with Chris. They share a peculiar honesty together. There's nothing Sean can do to rival that connection. Abby could pick up the phone after ten months, talk to Chris, and their dance would resume effortlessly.

With Sean, it's forced. He's trying to fit his relationship with her into the same box that two people of equal ages will have. It can't work. He's expecting the wrong things from her. And he's got no clue how mean and manipulative she is. She's going to wreak havoc on his family in the US!

Sean thinks her love for him will "grow" or whatever, but in actuality her resentment for him will grow if he keeps her from Chris.

The only thing that probably took Chris by surprise was how rigid Sean was. He expected him to be more of an openminded man-of-the-world to be marrying a woman like Abby, but of course Chris was prepared for this ripple.

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1 hour ago, jennylauren123 said:

Yeah, they can't find afford someone sexy enough for them in the U.S., so they have to take their wallets overseas, where the U.S. dollar goes further. I know it sounds crass, but they can't find love in the U.S. because they're losers. So they make it sound as though we women are the losers, and we're too career oriented or too independent or whatever.

Might sound crass. I don't know for sure. My usual "no bullshit" approach makes it hard for me to determine such things. :D That said, your post is 100% spot on.

7 minutes ago, CoachWristletJen said:

I agree with this. Abby and Chris have a seemingly effortless connection because both have allowed it to happen. There's genuine chemistry between them. They seem to focus on what he can offer her and she him. There are indeed benefits to be gleaned from the age difference.

Abby can be truthful about who she is with Chris. They share a peculiar honesty together. There's nothing Sean can do to rival that connection. Abby could pick up the phone after ten months, talk to Chris, and their dance would resume effortlessly.

With Sean, it's forced. He's trying to fit his relationship with her into the same box that two people of equal ages will have. It can't work. He's expecting the wrong things from her. And he's got no clue how mean and manipulative she is. She's going to wreak havoc on his family in the US!

Sean thinks her love for him will "grow" or whatever, but in actuality her resentment for him will grow if he keeps her from Chris.

The only thing that probably took Chris by surprise was how rigid Sean was. He expected him to be more of an openminded man-of-the-world to be marrying a woman like Abby, but of course Chris was prepared for this ripple.

Maybe it's just me giving her the benefit of the doubt, but I think the first is a result of the second.

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9 hours ago, biakbiak said:

Yeah and the lack of discussion about the drinking, just you will never drink again indicated he doesn't give a shit about her, her issues, and feelings.

I agree with the bolded part. I'm just not sure the cause of that. Is it because he and she aren't really "people" to each other yet? As in, they don't know each other well enough to see each other as fully-formed people with their own life experiences, motivations, and self-determination. Or is it because he's a controlling asshole? Or is it even possibly just because he's young and doesn't realize that he can only control himself? Possibly some combination of the three? After all, young people around that age don't realize the importance of open and honest communication with their romantic partners. And immature, desperate, needy people like Darcey tend not to learn it, no matter how old they are. So, you've got a young person with limited life experience, and then you've got a 42-year-old vampire cougar who acts like she's emotionally stunted and emotionally equivalent to a 24-year-old, and neither of them appear to grasp the importance of being patient, supportive, and compromising while having an adult discussion about their different choices and attitudes regarding drinking.

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*I read that Lifetime has some new movies in the pipeline (all based on true stories); if anyone knows of any others on the horizon, do tell!  

Panties in the Wind

The Lush he Met Online

The Perfect Chump

Bimbos For Sale

He's Too Old

She’s Too Dumb

                        *jk

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6 hours ago, CoachWristletJen said:

The only thing that probably took Chris by surprise was how rigid Sean was. He expected him to be more of an openminded man-of-the-world to be marrying a woman like Abby, but of course Chris was prepared for this ripple.

Chris made the assumption that Sean was just like him and and that they could share the prostitute.

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14 hours ago, CoachWristletJen said:

I agree with this. Abby and Chris have a seemingly effortless connection because both have allowed it to happen. There's genuine chemistry between them. They seem to focus on what he can offer her and she him. There are indeed benefits to be gleaned from the age difference.

He gives her money, she gives him sex? I don't really see anything special about their relationship.  He uses her, she uses him.  Then she wants to use Sean.  But for what?  190 pairs of panties?  To make Chris jealous?  Chris doesn't seem to give a shit about Sean and isn't worried about him at all.  But why would he worry about him anyway if he has no interest in anything more than sex from Abby?

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7 hours ago, sasha206 said:

He gives her money, she gives him sex? I don't really see anything special about their relationship.  He uses her, she uses him.  Then she wants to use Sean.  But for what?  190 pairs of panties?  To make Chris jealous?  Chris doesn't seem to give a shit about Sean and isn't worried about him at all.  But why would he worry about him anyway if he has no interest in anything more than sex from Abby?

This is where Abby shows her age and immaturity. She tries to make Chris jealous in hopes that she gets a commitment from him. That tactic would have worked on him 45 years ago when he was a young man!  He goes to the DR to fuck. Yeah, he took her to a few nice dinners and to a zoo. Maybe even gave her some cash for school. Those niceties are not a relationship — just efforts to assuage his own guilt that he is participating in human trafficking.  He’s doing it for himself, not for her. Again, Abby’s immaturity makes her blind to what is happening with Chris. 

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8 hours ago, sasha206 said:

He gives her money, she gives him sex? I don't really see anything special about their relationship.  He uses her, she uses him.  Then she wants to use Sean.  But for what?  190 pairs of panties?  To make Chris jealous?  Chris doesn't seem to give a shit about Sean and isn't worried about him at all.  But why would he worry about him anyway if he has no interest in anything more than sex from Abby?

Special in it's not the average prostitute/john relationship. I agree with the theory that Chris probably coached her in how to get to the states.  

Maybe it helps Chris rationalize his decisions because he's not a John. He's a boyfriend and coach?

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On 10/5/2017 at 4:28 PM, AmyBre said:

You go girl!!!   Wear something nice, but not your best (save that for later).   Good luck with that, and if he turns out to be a dick, please come back and tell us.

Please have something to say that is not weather related and not "do you eat here all the time?"   From how you write, it is obvious you are an intelligent person.

I send you positive energy and hope that it goes where you want it to go .... and not an inch more or less.

Update!

Sadly, Mark was not at the bar last night.  But I did actually have an attractive 40 year old sit next to me who noticed my being there last week!  That was just an ego boost to me.  But I did learn that this bar/restaurant has a set of regulars who are there. The bartenders are really fun so it draws them in.  40 year-old Tim, who owns his construction firm, knows Mark and said he was surprised he wasn't there.  I mentioned to the bartender how much I enjoyed the ribbing of Mark on his cologne and she said something like he is a fun and sweet.  I didn't want to say too much to either about my interest in Mark!  I rather slyly made it sound like this is going to be my new hangout because I love how people seem to know everyone there --- like a Cheers type of bar!

So now the problem is going to be Tim getting in the way of Mark as I got the impression Tim might be interested..  Not a bad problem to have though!  

Edited by sasha206
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18 minutes ago, sasha206 said:

Update!

Sadly, Mark was not at the bar last night.  But I did actually have an attractive 40 year old sit next to me who noticed my being there last week!  That was just an ego boost to me.  But I did learn that this bar/restaurant has a set of regulars who are there. The bartenders are really fun so it draws them in.  40 year-old Tim, who owns his construction firm, knows Mark and said he was surprised he wasn't there.  I mentioned to the bartender how much I enjoyed the ribbing of Mark on his cologne and she said something like he is a fun and sweet.  I didn't want to say too much to either about my interest in Mark!  I rather slyly made it sound like this is going to be my new hangout because I love how people seem to know everyone there --- like a Cheers type of bar!

So now the problem is going to be Tim getting in the way of Mark as I got the impression Tim might be interested..  Not a bad problem to have though!  

I think we need a new thread just for Sasha because I, for one, am rooting harder for her than I am for any of the 90DF folks ... 

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3 minutes ago, PamelaMaeSnap said:

I think we need a new thread just for Sasha because I, for one, am rooting harder for her than I am for any of the 90DF folks ... 

Hee hee, I love you all.

Wouldn't it be funny if I become the Darcey of the bar?  Well, I haven't dipped into the plastic surgery pool and do have age-appropriate hair (short bob).  But a drunk?  Sure! :)

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1 hour ago, sasha206 said:

Hee hee, I love you all.

Wouldn't it be funny if I become the Darcey of the bar?  Well, I haven't dipped into the plastic surgery pool and do have age-appropriate hair (short bob).  But a drunk?  Sure! :)

If you see that I looked at your profile, it's not because I am a creepy stalker. Was just hoping you lived near me so I could be your wing-woman.

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1 hour ago, PamelaMaeSnap said:

I think we need a new thread just for Sasha because I, for one, am rooting harder for her than I am for any of the 90DF folks ... 

The Small Talk thread is built for this. ;)

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I say RUN Corine RUN! Paul is mentally unstable and acts like a dramatic fool. He flies half way across the country to tell her he isn't good enough for her and ya know what he ISN'T!!!!! The fact that he made her get all those tests is laughable when he is a pyro maniac and a stalker. She seems too nice to hook up with a guy carrying all that baggage literally LOL!!!!

Sean well what can I say his jealousy is beyond control. He basically called Abby a whore. And if any guy gave me an ultimatum like that I would kick him to the curb. Can you just imagine how controlling he will be if they get married????

The guy that stares at women's asses and that chick I haven't even bothered to catch their names that is a classic waste of time.

Oh and Darcy and whatever his name is what a train wreck! She needs to cut that god awful hair! It makes her look like an old hag. Her desperation is a turn off and his controlling DRY personality is boring. I can't see him going to The States and being a Step Father NOR can I see Darcy never drinking again she is WAY to insecure!

 

Let's see who else have I missed.....Hmmmm it really doesn't matter this show is for desperate people that can't get anybody in their own country. What a waste!

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Oh oh oh where to start.

If Larry wanted a wife, he should have gone on one of those bride tours.  His 401k would have been better spent.  Jenny looks just beyond dead. Amrika is the prize – Larry is the means. For gawds sake if he was smarter, he would ask her to call him by his first name.   I wonder where Jenny’s mom is.  Maybe Australia?

Courtney is just plain stupid. European men are not more family oriented, they have a roving eye and are just plain lazy.  She would have more luck with Larry above.

Karine honey, Paul will never “man up”.  Marry him for the green card and take off.

I really don’t care about Abby and Paul.

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Re: Larry insulting Jenny's family - if you aren't open minded and totally willing to embrace another culture and their food, don't go looking for love outside your comfort zone.  I am picky AF and know what I'm willing to try or not try and would hate try to force something down while everybody was staring me down.  I wouldn't be successful at looking for foreign love. But I'm also not desperate for anybody with a pulse either. 

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I'll never understand WHY these people don't do a quick Wiki about appropriate cultural norms.  But then...we wouldn't have a show.

Cortney continues to be a big ole' idiot.   Samuel was obviously playing wingman for Antonio, and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker.  In the same way I laugh at Jorge's suffering b/c "all American girls are evil feminists", I laugh at Cortney for "I thought Europeans were all about family".  Ya dumbass.

Larry, Larry, Larry...homie.  This chick isn't even a little into him.  Every talking head is about her going to America, and Larry is soooo awkward.  Family Jenny are obviously trying to be kind, but the second they step out of Larry's comfort zone, he behaves terribly.  I can tell you in my culture (we are Indo Caribbean), it would be very offensive to treat the food my family spent time, effort, and money to acquire and make, and behave like Larry did that lechon.  Also, Larry lives in Pinellas....HOW HAVEN'T YOU BEEN TO A CUBAN'S HOUSE FOR CHRISTMAS LECHON BEFORE?!  I don't eat pork and I've been invited multiple times for lechon.  Come on, man.

Karine should be done with Paul.  I'm completely with his continued "poor me" POV:  He should be alone.  And sad.  And leave all the women alone.  

Myriam and Patrick are frustrating.  Why, WHY is Patrick always flipping and tumbling on things?  That's weird.  Stop.  And Myriam needs to pick a situation and stick to it.  This is getting sad.

Whatever, Sean.  You experienced Abby for real last episode, and you still are considering marrying her?!  My.  Gawd.  I hope she fleeces you for every Buckeye penny you got, man.  Lame.

Edited by TrininisaScorp
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Myriam really enjoys the ego boos she gets from Patrick, doesn't she? She really grates on me...although Patrick is acting a fool.

There aren't enough words to describe how awkward and cringe worthy Larry is. He's never eaten pork? And all that hugging and bowing to Jenny's family.

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Cortney, many Italian men live at home for a looooong time. Antonio wants his bed back. You have no business giving him orders in his own home. His friend was just scamming you along. Antonio does not want you.

Larry, the family roasted a pig. You were not expected to eat jellied pigs feet - an Eastern European delicacy. You could have eaten a few bites with some rice. Jenny’s family is poor. You were the savior for them and you acted like a donkey.  For Jenny, you are probably one of many options for a Green Card and you sending money to her family. Maybe go home and find a counselor first and deal with your own demons. Jenny, find another savior on the Cupid site.

Patrick, you don’t go jogging shirtless in Paris. And do not play Myriam. She chooses between her boyfriend, you, or someone else. Step back and give her the space to make the right choice for her. You are just filling a need for her right now and she likes it.

Paul, Karine must really want to go to Merica. Yeah, most women would run from a guy who has spent time in jail, burned his house down  and has a restraining order.

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Just now, kacesq said:

Myriam really enjoys the ego boos she gets from Patrick, doesn't she? She really grates on me...although Patrick is acting a fool.

There aren't enough words to describe how awkward and cringe worthy Larry is. He's never eaten pork? And all that hugging and bowing to Jenny's family.

He works at McDonald’s.  He’s likely eaten far more “exotic” and questionable than pork.

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It's a roast pig. People in the US have pig roast all the time. If he was offended by the fact that he was eating an animal,he wouldn't be working as a McDonald's manager. 

Courtney thinks men in Europe are more family oriented ? What planet is she from? 

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None of these people should be in relationships with ANYONE until they learn how to communicate like adults.  It helps to actually speak the language and not have an app to communicate with the person YOU WANT TO MARRY.

Larry is too dumb to do any research or even at the very least ask his cousin’s wife? about cultural norms or even understand that his behavior was just plain rude.  It’s asking a lot of him because he just isn’t smart or barely functioning on an adult level.  I think Jenny and her deadpan “yes love” self was more upset that her family was upset that she couldn’t even be bothered to explain to Larry what she said on camera about how big of a deal it was.

Run Karine.  Paul is looney.  Granted, I’m sure he wasn’t aware that you would be mugged by machete, but he isn’t all there upstairs. He’s pushed you away and told you he set his own shit on fire.  Girl, get back on that dating app.

I think Patrick must have some sort of sensitive skin condition that prevents him from wearing a shirt at all times.  I love hearing about his knowledge of all American women and how we are with his limited experience.

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3 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

It's a roast pig. People in the US have pig roast all the time. If he was offended by the fact that he was eating an animal,he wouldn't be working as a McDonald's manager. 

Courtney thinks men in Europe are more family oriented ? What planet is she from? 

Planet delusional.  Something is severely “off”with her.

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4 minutes ago, poeticlicensed said:

It's a roast pig. People in the US have pig roast all the time. If he was offended by the fact that he was eating an animal,he wouldn't be working as a McDonald's manager. 

Courtney thinks men in Europe are more family oriented ? What planet is she from? 

Had some BBQ pork last night myself, yhe pig had been on the spit mere hours earlier, family cook it. 

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