Meet The Putmans - General Discussion

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I've seen people more free to leave Colorado City, than the Putman camp.  

Quote Of The Day!!  

[humbleopinion]

It is going to take the grandkids to rise up against their insane grandfather and his brainwashed children and their spouses.

Color me shocked if accounts of intense verbal and mental abuse do not headline the expose.

Hope the TLC producers and editors who see raw footage of the mental abuse at the hands of these damaged adults are haunted by the children's current living conditions.

Maybe one of them will step forward, risking their job....

[Annb67]

I hope once the daughter leaves and begins socializing with other independent adults, she finally gets it.

[SunnyBeBe]

31 minutes ago, Annb67 said:

I hope once the daughter leaves and begins socializing with other independent adults, she finally gets it.

Me too, but, sometimes that kind of mind manipulation runs deep.  It might take professional help to work it out. 

[mythoughtis]

TLC loves the drama. I miss The Learning Channel.  I doubt TLC will do a thing until/unless they can’t sell advertising spots. Unless one of the adults is proven to be guilty of certain immoral doings or biased quotes.  We’ve seen that bring down family reality shows in the past. 

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Me too, but, sometimes that kind of mind manipulation runs deep.  It might take professional help to work it out. 

Me too - I have known people in therapy who have had way worse done to them by parents who still will say, "Well.....he IS my dad......" so I will not hold out too long.  To go against Dad would be to be cut off from her siblings, and they are all she knows.  Dysfunction knows no bounds......

[jumper sage]

I finally watched almost the entire episode last night.  Still can't find the damn remote.

Wow! Just wow.

The dad pushing, dragging, and manhandling the daughter away from the group was disturbing.  I would not do that to a child.  If you can't say, "Can I see you outside?" then we have a huge problem.  He doesn't even try to treat her like a person.

The daughter's TH was equally disturbing.  I get you will miss your family but when you marry, join with someone, you need to look at their career choice and realize what changes may need to be made.  My niece married a career soldier and spends a lot of time terrified.  We get it, we sympathize but she knew this when she married him.  The daughter on the show is literally crippled by leaving for 1 year.  If her husband has any sense he would consider living and working below the thumb.  I loved when he, the only normal one in the bunch, told her that their boys will be fine IF she is fine.  Exactly!  She needs to worry about her own nuclear family and she needs to be an adult.  His capitulating and changing his name to Putnam was a big mistake.  Usually I don't care about names but this was a control move by the father.  I bet this name change will bite him in the ass later as we know the cracks in the family will come out and then he will be associated with them.

The brother's reaction to his sister leaving for a year was equally disturbing.  "But she was just working with me to arrange her room and bathroom....." Or something like that.  Dude, she has her own family and you should support her and encourage her.

The sister-in-law who is deciding a mastectomy or not and then having to have a vote.  WTF?  The only thing the others need to say is, "How can I help?'

The new house - I noticed that the new house is in Saginaw MI.  This is about 1 hour 20 minutes S/SW of their usual haunting grounds.  Change of county?  Could be they need a fresh start.  Their name is mud in the thumb.  The whole thing about the men not sticking to the plans of the house is crazy.  I get that they are building it themselves but to commandeer more space for the men when they are the minority in regards to women and children is selfish.  I hated when one of the sons said that the kitchen was the women's domain.  Just the fact that everyone needs to be all in for the cost is equally nuts.  The father is setting up his own cult and 2 of the sons are going right along, probably thinking they are the next cult leaders.  15 bedrooms and 17 bathrooms?  If everyone backs out or the cult dissolves how are they going to sell it?  Maybe a group home for the insane?  They can just be the first patients.

The son of the father who is a doctor - He looks like he is ready to crack and crack wide open.  He needs to get away from the family too.

I get the convenience of living close to relatives.  We are Italian and do live down the street, across a field, around the corner, from each other.  The purpose is that with all the parents working we can have an adult put everyone on the bus, take everyone off the bus, let the kids come and go as they please etc.  The difference is that each family has their own way of living, their own way of parenting and their own household in which they can close the door and be a unit.  The adults in the family only walk into another's house if we are expected otherwise we call.  Each family unit has their own way of running their lives and all others respect and support each family unit.  None of this is happening in this family. 

ETA - The eldest son has some serious anger/control issues.  He can barely contain himself on camera.  Just imagine him off camera.  When the father called the group together to tell them, "Something horrible", and then proceeded to say if anyone else wanted to leave yada yada yada, he was just demoralizing and controlling them again.

Edited October 17, 2017 by jumper sage

[Mollysmom]

One thing that I just remembered after reading Jumper Sage's post - I thought it was really dismissive and disrespectful when the women were talking about the craft room and one of the men (I wasn't actually looking at the tv, just listening) referred to it as the "crap" room. Way to diminish their wants, Jackass. If it weren't for the women, those guys would not survive. 

[Koalagirl]

26 minutes ago, Mollysmom said:

One thing that I just remembered after reading Jumper Sage's post - I thought it was really dismissive and disrespectful when the women were talking about the craft room and one of the men (I wasn't actually looking at the tv, just listening) referred to it as the "crap" room. Way to diminish their wants, Jackass. If it weren't for the women, those guys would not survive. 

That was the eldest son, the heir to the "throne" who referred to it as the crap room.

[ShaNaeNae]

16 hours ago, Annb67 said:

Blake thanked HIS DAD for getting him through med school with no mention of his wife?! Oh hell no

My jaw dropped.  I was thinking oh how sweet, he'll thank his wife and then he thinks that ass of a dad that sits like he's sulking all the damn time.  Did they all purposely marry passive women?

 

On 10/12/2017 at 5:45 PM, WhatsUpDummy said:

Putting all the dysfunction and the creepiness of this family aside, the Dads awful sunglasses tan is so incredibly distracting.  It’s all I see when I look at him. 

Yes!  I'm dying to put some concealer on him or something.  Cover up those white bags.

Food fights stress me out so the whole cake in the face thing was weird.  I don't even like to watch brides and grooms do it at weddings with a piece.  

The 2 older sons were like bullies to their own little sister at the graduation because she was moving.  She even admitted she felt out of place.  She's going to be a basket case soon.  Worried all the time what her dad will think.  Checking with him over every decision.  And the one brother, "we were just picking out room colors the other day.  Now, she's.....gone" as if she died.

The dad. Ugh.  Horrible.  Master manipulator.  When they told him about Indiana, all I heard was "me" "my feelings" "I" "my heart" "why are you doing this to me".  Then he goes inside with a manipulative control speech, "if I'm holding ANYONE back..." just so they'd all go, "no we want to be here, we want to live with you!"  It's like a teenage girl with no self esteem that tells a guy, "I'm so ugly and fat" so he'll go, "no...".

And damn why did the internet get scrubbed?  I'm dying to see what locals thought of them.  I will miss the show because reality TV drama.  Come on, all of us *Reality TV Experts live to snark on shit like this.

*Earned at JocelynCavanaughs Life Experience Degree in Reality TV.

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, ShaNaeNae said:

Did they all purposely marry passive women?

Yes, yes they did.  I am a Minnesota Nice Kinda Gal (trademark pending) and I would have been so incredibly HELL! TO! THE! NO! on this whole shitshow that tries to pass itself off as a normal unit it would have made your head spin.  I am a special education teacher which makes me a mandated reporter, so yes I would have been calling CPS on all this "sharing rooms and sharing two bathrooms with a squadron of people" shit going on........and I would sleep eight hours that night.

 

1 hour ago, ShaNaeNae said:

I don't even like to watch brides and grooms do it at weddings with a piece.  

We skipped it at our wedding ten days ago.  We didn't feed it to each other - God gave Mr. Hanson two hands and the ability to use a fork.

 

1 hour ago, ShaNaeNae said:

The dad. Ugh.  Horrible.  Master manipulator.

Yes to the tenth degree!!

[gonecrackers]

Imagine if a stomach virus ran through that house with all those people & just TWO bathrooms??

[keetmommy]

I can see saying I am having this surgery so I will need tough, It is a ROUGH recovery...but NO one should have to give her permission.

As I have said before I really tried to like this family the women all seem to help each other and like each other, I found last night deeply disturbing. Jamie looked PISSED in the TH I hope he gets her away and she gains some confidence. The only reason I could see the others being upset being at all understandable and I don't think it is but the family was planning on their $$ towards the house, will their part not being there make a difference? Will they actually come back???
 

[b2H]

1 hour ago, keetmommy said:

 

I can see saying I am having this surgery so I will need tough, It is a ROUGH recovery...but NO one should have to give her permission.

 

Except that the reality is the other moms will absorb more of the childcare for her little ones while she recovers.  Although it seems to be standard operational procedure for the moms to take care of a mess of kids, it will be weeks after the surgery before she will be able to do the most minimal work.

[keetmommy]

49 minutes ago, b2H said:

Except that the reality is the other moms will absorb more of the childcare for her little ones while she recovers.  Although it seems to be standard operational procedure for the moms to take care of a mess of kids, it will be weeks after the surgery before she will be able to do the most minimal work.

If not months....I know...but I didn't have other moms to take over for me, I had to do it eventually, luckily my DH helped a lot which I cant see hers doing.

[Mom2twoNonna2-3]

F'in A. It's a year. Why would you treat your son in law like his passion and want for further education to be unnecessary and contradictory to your wants and therefore, bad. Support him in his passion and that he wants more for his family, your daughter and grandsons. F off dad.

They said it's a year, brother, not YEARS. They really don't need your permission. 

Edited October 18, 2017 by Mom2twoNonna2one

[humbleopinion]

The THs given by the wife, adult kids, in laws is for an audience of ONE...Dad Putman.

His insecurity, his emotional fragility keeps them all on their toes how to best please him and make him happy.

You bet Dad is just sitting out of camera range watching the filming to make sure the script is being followed.

The family cult was built with  his brow beaten enabler wife and now enforced by the eldest sons both who think they will be able to keep this family together when Dad kicks the bucket.

Think the 2 MDs will eventually inch their families and salaries out of the common pot and let the rest of the family have the construction business.

TLC is becoming the best of finding the worst, most cringe worthy glimpses into the underbelly of society.

[mythoughtis]

I thought both  MDs might leave, but after this last episode, I think only Jamie and Blair might leave. Blake now seems firmly assimilated. Didn’t even thank his wife for her support during this medical training. A wife who has been there long enough for them to have 4 kids. 

I hope Jamie and Blair never move back into the residence. To the same town? Not even sure about that being a great idea. Of course, I’m not sure their marriage will survive because Blair doesn’t understand the concept of  her weddIng vows and her husband and children vs her extended biological family. There is a balance that is to be met there. Jamie expects more from her than the daughter in laws expect from their husbands in terms of the balance. 

Do any of the spouses have parents, siblings, nieces or nephews? Are they even allowed to alternate holidays? I ask because my own MIL made that very difficult for us.  

Edited October 18, 2017 by mythoughtis

[Mindthinkr]

17 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

Imagine if a stomach virus ran through that house with all those people & just TWO bathrooms??

That comment is going to give me a nightmare! It's ok tho. I have 3 bathrooms for just me! 

[jennylauren123]

I think I would be creeped out if my boyfriend of a year told me, "I love you so much it hurts."

Now, if my father said the same thing? Sooooo creepy!

I think the dad fears Jamie and Blair moving out because once they see the outside world, they might realize how very effed up their family of origin is. Like a cult. The FLDS limits outside info, no Internet, no TV, no outside newspapers or news of any kind. Papa Putman seems to be creating the same kind of outsider-free environment, except for a couple of random neighbors, and I'm not convinced they're not plants.

Papa Smurf Putman also said something very angrily, and it was telling. It was something like, the only thing Jamie has to gain from a fellowship in another state is being able to practice as an OB/GYN in a metropolitan area, like Detroit, and this ain't Detroit! 

All of this is completely, totally, up to Jamie and Blair. If Jamie wants to be able to practice in a big city, so be it. Sheesh!

Edited October 18, 2017 by jennylauren123

[Mindthinkr]

10 minutes ago, jennylauren123 said:

 

I think the dad fears Jamie and Blair moving out because once they see the outside world, they might realize how very effed up their family of origin is. Like a cult. The FLDS limits outside info, no Internet, no TV, no outside newspapers or news of any kind. Papa Putman seems to be creating the same kind of outsider-free environment, except for a couple of random neighbors, and I'm not convinced they're not plants.

 

I think Papa Putdown is scared of these two leaving because (harsh reality coming) they might actually thrive and have fun. The others would be jealous of their joy and want to get out and try living (not as a suppressed person) a normal life. It could make his house of cards fall down. Better now than later. The McMansion hasn't been built yet. 

[gonecrackers]

I watched last week; haven't caught up with this week. It's so difficult to watch at all.

The women & beauty day - one mentioned that a salon couldn't take them 'all 5 at the same time'.  Well, it doesn't have to be a group activity. So I'm getting the feeling that no woman is allowed out of that house on her own - ever.

Blair looked truly terrified when Jamie mentioned IN. And did you know she has THREE kids?  And that she had a c-section??  And that she's alone with these THREE kids all day while her husband works??? Only. woman. ever.

She needs to move to IN & find some mom groups or something; branch out a bit & break out of her Putman trance.

I see something in that Mama Putman's eyes - fear is what it seems to be. She's very on guard. I see fear in Blair too, just in a different way. She seems to fear for her mother -her safety, maybe? I am concerned about those two the most.

The DILs seem on board with this crap & I'm not liking any of them much at all. So if the family says she should have her breasts cut off then so be it? Is that the deal?  I don't even understand the convo given 1- the tests were neg  and 2- it's something the doctor said she doesn't need to decide on right now. Wtf with her.

And what did DIL #1 think was going to happen when she married her younger husband who was the oldest of the family? Of course she's the oldest of all of them aside from Mom & Pop, so she's aging, & now feels crappy next to her younger SILs.  She says her husband has given her 'no reason' to feel insecure but I'm sensing she has reasons.

I also noticed when she came down in that dress Papa Putman had to be walking by at that very moment & be the first to mention she 'looks beautiful' while her husband was the afterthought on the couch. Then PP sits his ass on the couch to watch their interactions before they leave on the 'date' (accompanied by cameras which is probably the only date they've ever had alone). PP had to have that moment with them too.

I'm suspecting he has many 'moments' with all of them. (throwing up now)

[Mindthinkr]

9 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

And did you know she has THREE kids?  And that she had a c-section??  And that she's alone with these THREE kids all day while her husband works??? Only. woman. ever.

I'm going to tell my daughter that she's a miracle of nature for having 3 c-sections and managing on her own. She'd laugh tbh, because of a misdiagnosis she lived with severe kidney stones for 4 years while raising those 3 kids and a full time job (hardly complaining and just taking Tylenol for the pain). Her husband helps which does matter and count. 

[WhatsUpDummy]

51 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

The women & beauty day - one mentioned that a salon couldn't take them 'all 5 at the same time'.  Well, it doesn't have to be a group activity. So I'm getting the feeling that no woman is allowed out of that house on her own - ever.

No kidding!  I thought one of the perks of this living together cult thing is that they have built in babysitters.  Why can't one of the women go out and run some errands, go get her hair and nails done while one of the other women watches the kids?  Aside from being super creepy and weird, they seem to do everything in the most inefficient way possible.  

[Whyyouneedaname]

Not sure which episode it was but when Blair was nursing the baby & it was just her & dad putman in there, creepy the way he looked at her. This whole setup is disturbing. 

[humbleopinion]

Here is the thought bubble above Dad Putman's head as he stares at his daughter breastfeeding his grandbaby....

Pop! The camera crew will film me having this intimate moment with my daughter so I can look grandfatherly rather than giving her the privacy away from the cameras, crew so she can bond with the baby... It is all about how I come off in the show, that I am omniscient, control the narrative and MY family is my personal kingdom..Pop!

[gonecrackers]

I do believe that whole ceremony/dinner thing was staged so PP could get his 'moment' (not the grad, of course). It's was probably a season wrap party with a bunch of 'plants' to fill the room.

[beeziebee]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

I do believe that whole ceremony/dinner thing was staged so PP could get his 'moment' (not the grad, of course). It's was probably a season wrap party with a bunch of 'plants' to fill the room.

I think you're on to something there, because they kept saying that Blake was finally an MD.  Excuse me?  That's graduation from medical school, and that was not a medical school graduation that was filmed.  Was it his graduation from a residency program?  Didn't really seem like it, because they usually are more formal affairs, but what do I know?  I live independently from my parents, siblings, extended family, and I don't belong to a cult.

And the elective double mastectomy survey?  You've got to be kidding me.  If they all love each other as much as they profess, Kacie would NEVER have to even ASK whether her sisterwives, er, I mean husband's sisters-in-law would help take care of her children during her recovery.  It would simply be a given.  The surgery choice is Kacie's and Kacie's alone.  Sure, it's nice if she consults her husband, but that's HER body, not his nor anyone else's, and what she does it up to her, not up for a vote with Papa Pervert.

[Snickerdoodle]

On 10/17/2017 at 2:28 PM, Mollysmom said:

One thing that I just remembered after reading Jumper Sage's post - I thought it was really dismissive and disrespectful when the women were talking about the craft room and one of the men (I wasn't actually looking at the tv, just listening) referred to it as the "crap" room. Way to diminish their wants, Jackass. If it weren't for the women, those guys would not survive. 

That talking head really disturbed me.  He was such a jackass, and his wife just laughed it off.  I couldn't get through the whole episode because it just made me so angry.

[Lee]

Brandon I hope you and your wife think very long and hard about reconstruction surgery. My wife had a double this year and after listening to everything and everyone we realized that the biggest and worst problems we're in reconstruction. I felt like you that the person was the most important thing. Best of luck I think she is lucky to have a strong supportive husband. 

[Gyproselee]

Has anyone ever asked in this forum about the place on mom's face and I'm pretty sure I saw one on her leg that is a different shade of skin?  It reminds me of a friend of mine who had a skin graft after an accident. Even though it's her own skin the shades are a bit different.

[Grandjete]

The mom said that she was hit by a car when she was 18 and had scars. This came up when she was trying to comfort her oldest DIL about insecurities. The mom said she used to wear pants at the beach, because she was so self-concious of her scars.

Speaking of the mom, I agree that she seems fearful, but even more so I see such strain and tension in her face. She looks like she has been through hell and back.

I enjoyed reading all of your opinions and I agree that there is major dysfunction here. I also have another theory I didn't see mentioned: I had read that there was past abuse (Bill Putnam hitting his wife, I forgot her name). If that was the case, I wonder if she and the adult kids feel the need to stick around to keep the dad from getting violent. The dad needs them around for his own neurotic needs and they need to be there, because they feel the need to protect their mom. I'm just speculating. Anyway, I enjoy this show with all of it's dysfunction, because I have never seen anything like this and it boggles my mind.

[mythoughtis]

A large portion of her strain could be 26( well actually 21 with Jamie and Blair gone) people in the house 24/7/365. Even when the school age kids are at school, there is never any privacy, or peace and quiet. She’s 50-something.  There’s a lot of work involved in that home, a lot of money involved in dealing with all the expenses, and so on.  There’s only 2 bathrooms- I bet there’s never time or an open bathroom to just take a long bath.  The last thing I want  now that our children are raised and out of the house  is to be tripping over people in my home every day and night.  

[gonecrackers]

I agree she looks quite stressed, & that's an interesting theory about them sticking around to watch out for the mom. I could see that maybe being the case with Blair. She's very attached to her mom. But maybe she's worried about her & that's part of why she doesn't want to be so far away.

[thebigboot]

On 10/17/2017 at 5:36 AM, SunnyBeBe said:

So, what's the general feedback on this family in the public?  I've only read about on this site.  I would imagine that there's a lot of flack, but, TLC loves that kind of thing.  I mean, the more dysfunctional the better with that network.  I'm not sure how twisted it would have to be for them to pull out. I would suspect the house is finished and we will see it in the finale. But, honestly, I don't really care.  I just pray that more members can escape.   

A lot of circle jerking on how great and wholesome the family is. The fact these fans can’t differentiate what normal human behavior is from this proves why these kinds of families do so well on TLC.

[Red Bridey]

Oh these people.  What a big pile of dysfunction.  I would just kill myself if I couldn't be alone for even one minute of the day.  These women can't leave the house to get their nails done...by themselves?  No wonder they all keep crying.  I would SLIT MY WRISTS.  Now I'm watching Jen bawling because she's feeling fat and old, so why the hell can't she go to the gym by herself?  Ugh, these people are trapped in a hell inflicted by the vile old man who won't let them go.  Cut is not too strong a word.  SHUT UP, Papa P.

[b2H]

I assume, since we never see the sons’ wives going to work outside the home, that they are stay at home moms.  The kids do not appear to be home-schooled, so for at least eight months of the year, there is a possible quiet period.  

Edited October 22, 2017 by b2H
Clarity

[humbleopinion]

Hope TLC is "one and done" with this dysfunky family....

[b2H]

This is already the second, I think.

[MakingBacon]

What’s really interesting is that TLC is not giving a kind edit to Papa Putnam or really anyone other than the wife who was worried she had the cancer gene and Jaime. If anything, I almost feel like this is shown from Jaime’s point of view. It is obvious Jaime does not want, nor intend, to move to the family home. The show really does reflect the ridiculousness of  the entire living together situation. I think when they get out of state for the fellowship, it’s likely they will not go back. I think if Blair gets a little freedom, she might enjoy it. She is scared because she has never not lived under Daddy’s thumb. She might be like the kid who needs to go far away to college in order to learn to be more self-sufficient. It’s good she has Jaime because he seems like a guy who wants her to make her own decisions and isn’t looking to control her like Daddy. Blair doesn’t yet seem to realize how good a male role model Jaime will be for their kids because he seems so different from her dad. I can say that Blair does seem to really love Jaime and appears to be trying to put her marriage first. 

I am still on the bandwagon that the doctor son will move his family out at some point. He always looks like he is saying what he is expected to say but doesn’t really believe it. What is going to happen when doctor son starts bringing in real doctor money and he and his wife want to spend their new money? I think that’s where there are going to be problems. Doctor son is about to be the cash cow in the family and that is likely to cause resentment when others get to decide how  he/his wife gets to spend their disposable income. 

[camom]

I wonder if some of Papa Putman's distress over Jamie and Blair moving is because they'll be taking 3 grandSONS with them.  Isn't there only one other boy?  

I don't know what Blair would do if Jamie said he didn't want to move back to the compound after his fellowship.  She would have to choose between daddy and hubby, and I really don't feel confident that hubby would win.  The whole "we'll put on a brave face for Jamie and Blair even though they're tearing the family apart" was such BS.

[Spiderella2]

I’m not having such a hard time with this show as others, in fact, I enjoy it. There is a saying, “One mans meat is another man’s poison,” I think this applies for this situation. 

I come from a culture where multi-generational families are the norm, and if you live solo, people would think there was something ‘off’ with you. Both my grandmothers lived with us my entire childhood, my very first memories have both of my grandmas in them. They were with us in their golden years (60 on), once their spouses died and my parents wanted them nearer so they could keep an eye on them. On top of that, we always had several cousins, aunts, or Uncles living in the house as well. I grew up in a packed house (not as packed as the Putnams however). 5 bedrooms, 3 baths. All the girls shared 1 room, boys another. So the concept of the multigenerational family is not shocking to me at all.

In fact, now that I have twin boy toddlers, I would love to have an extra set of family members to help out! My mom just visited us for 3 months, and it was heaven! The enmeshment that most of you are titling as dysfunctional...that often happens when you share close quarters with close family members. You no longer have your ‘private business’....it’s all family business. You knew that your decisions would affect the family, so you made decisions with the best interest of the family in mind. The affectionate nature of the dad, that’s how my dad still is, super close with all his kids. I’m 37 and I still kiss him on the lips. I kiss my boys on the lips. In most European cultures, that is normal practice. It’s only creepy if you make it creepy. 

Moving to the individualized society of America, now that was a culture shock!

I’ve tried to replicate the multigenerational family here, but everyone has such an individualized more selfish mentality that it doesn’t work as well as back home in Nigeria. When you are in a family like that, there is more communal living, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours. We shared everything together. We all pitched in for chores and cleanup duty, everyone had a responsibility.  I discovered I loved building furniture, and was designated as the family builder. My sister was super savvy with tech, and she got to set up all the electronics. We each had our talents, quirks, and responsibilities. We cooked and ate all our meals together, Minday was market day, Friday was deep housecleaning day, Sunday was laundry day, Thursday we worked on the garden, and most family excursions and vacations were all done as a group. I’m an introvert, and I actually thrived in that setting because I was not forced to be social or interact if I didn’t want to. The extroverts were the life of the party, telling stories and playing music for hours. I could just go to my bed or reading nook with a good book. I could choose to spend time with the family en masse, hang out with just my siblings, or spend time by myself. My dad wasn’t  chauvisinistic like Papa P, he could throw down in the kitchen and cooked often and better than my mom. Expenses were shared, as were bonuses, tips, and blessings. We were on a budget, but didn’t feel like we were poor, struggling, or lacking.  It actually forced us to make smarter decisions with our money and not waste it on frivolities. We were a middle class family, and all 6 kids, (4 of us plus 2 cousins), would pile into a minivan for school. This was our normal, and it was fine. It’s only dysfunctional to you because you are looking in from the outside. 

When I moved to America at 18, I was able to go to college and thrive in that setting as well. I was already self sufficient because you take on more responsibilities in that communal dynamic. So that transition wasn’t rough for me at all.  After college, my sister and I rocked our sweet bachelorette pad/life for 5 years, and then I moved alone cross country to start a new job. Met my husband a few years later, fast forward a decade, here I am, wishing that I could rewind the clock. We are seriously considering moving back to Nigeria full-time, just so my boys can experience the vibrant childhood of a multigenerational family. 

I had to say all this because most of the PTV posters seemed to go beyond snarking and were very judgemental and harsh. It’s okay to snark (that’s why we are here after all), but I don’t see any consideration for those who are enjoying the show. I’ve watched 5 of 6 episodes, and I don’t think the family is cult-ish at all. They have been living like this for 15 years, and so it’s  not just for the show.  I like the fact they are building a huge mansion, and I hope to see it when it’s finished. 

Gen 2 Putnams do seem a bit immature. But I notice with both my husband and my families, when we all get together, we seem to revert to some of our childhood idiosyncrasies. Perhaps that is what is happening in a more concentrated fashion. Maybe having that huge mansion will allow the family nuclei to develop a bit more. 

Re: Papa P being a creeper because he watched his daughter breastfeeding? Okay...ummm, how do I say this delicately...I don't think it correlates. America has such a weird obsession with the breastfeeding issue, it’s not like she just whipped out a naked boob, she was adequately covered. In other countries (not just Nigeria), the modesty cover is not even included and it’s not considered creeping. It’s a woman feeding her child as nature & God intended, not the apocalypse! 

Re: Papa P being controlling and manipulative. To a certain extent, yes, I concur. He seems to have a huge abandonment issue, perhaps triggered when his mom died at 8. It’s obvious from his reaction about the Indiana move that he has not sought effective therapy to deal with his abandonment issues. He is the head of the household, and he wields that title with ferocity. But even though he is overly dramatic, I don’t think he’s a bad person. He is just very codependent. He needs the attention and adoration of his family. 

Re Jamie & Blair, it’s obvious that Jamie is the one pushing for them to move, Blair is going along with it for now, even though she really in her true heart does not want to be so far from the village. To me, it seems like she hates being at the apartment alone all day, but since Jamie is bringing home the bacon, she has very little power in this decision. Once the fellowship is over, will they move back to the village? I also don’t think their relationship will last, unless Jamie relents after fellowship and stops trying to drag her away from the village. Jamie hates living there, and he does not see the benefit or value. I just wish he pitched in more when he was at home, and not expect Blair to do all the heavy lifting with the kids 24/7. She needs a break too. 

Re: cancer scares as a plot device, that initially bothered me too. I went through the same thing as Mama P last year and I still remember all those scary emotions. But if they allowed it to be filmed to educate women on Breast cancer awareness...if filming it made even one woman who was at risk decide to get tested, then isn’t it worth it? I don’t think either scanario is a hoax, they obviously went through it as a family. 

Re: Medical doctor son as family doctor. I also work in healthcare, and it’s recommended that you don’t treat family members because it may be hard to stay objective. However, it looks like they live in a fairly rural area. Dr. Hines is also the family doctor, so maybe the things that they don’t want Doc Son to be involved in, they take to Dr. Hines. When Barb went in for the mammogram, the admitting ruse asked her who else she wanted to have the results sent to, and she elected her son and Dr. Hines. We have medical doctors in hubby’s family, and usually every few weeks they are fielding calls from family members on one Health issue or another. Even though they don’t treat family directly, they are trusted by family, and often go to them for a 2nd opinion. It’s also nicer I think to hear Bad news from family, at least you have that additional emotional support. 

Re: Papa P Domestic violence, is this true? If so, can you provide links? I would like to read more about this issue

Re: Gen 3 hating the way they live, and wanting to ditch the family as soon as they can. I’m not getting that vibe at all. The kids all seem to get along, and they all seem happy, well adjusted, and content. Once they move out of the cramped quarters, I think that will also make a positive impact. 

Re: this family being worse than the Sister Wives....ummm, not buying that at all. The Browns are truly something else. They belong in a different category completely. At least they aren’t a drain on the society. All the men have jobs, and are providing for their families to the best of their abilities. 2 medical doctors, 3 construction/project managers. Not bad at all.  Way much better than my Sister wife’s closet and all the other nonsense the browns have tried to sell to us. 

Edited October 23, 2017 by Spiderella2
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[Hero]

Personally, I don't care if more than one generation lives together. I also come from a culture where that is prevalent. 

What I do have a problem with is the dad being emotionally abusive and physically (if the rumors are true). It's obviously his way or no way. It's disturbing that he guilts and puts down his family just to make sure that he is comfortable. 

His need to reign over others and be the one that makes all the decisions is shitty. 

Everything he does is for his own comfort, not for the confort of his family. His kids and wife are obviously very afraid of him and his temper. 

[mythoughtis]

spiderella- let’s call you similar to the current Putman grandchildren for generational discussion. 

Your grandparents allowed(?) your parents to move out and have their own nuclear family. Your grandmothers moved in later.  The family home was your parents.  Your grandmothers didn’t take over the family, they had their own place within the family dynamics. 

Your parents encouraged you to go to another country for college, and stay there afterwards.  They didn’t tell you that an American degree and life ‘wasn’t worth it’  They didn’t go to the rest of the family and shame you or your sister saying how distraught they were because you were leaving the family. They didn’t turn the rest of the family against you. 

You and your spouse are considering  moving back to be closer to the family. You aren’t being ordered or manipulated  to come back. You’ve been encouraged to find your life’s desires, and develop your own family dynamics. 

Thats the difference between your upbringing and the Putmans. 

Edited October 23, 2017 by mythoughtis

[Love2dance]

@Spiderella2, thank you for your post. We are so used to our small nuclear families (especially in California) and I really have no idea how a multigenerational family can work. I appreciate your explaining it to us.

[CofCinci]

On 10/22/2017 at 10:57 PM, camom said:

I wonder if some of Papa Putman's distress over Jamie and Blair moving is because they'll be taking 3 grandSONS with them.  Isn't there only one other boy?  

I don't know what Blair would do if Jamie said he didn't want to move back to the compound after his fellowship.  She would have to choose between daddy and hubby, and I really don't feel confident that hubby would win.  The whole "we'll put on a brave face for Jamie and Blair even though they're tearing the family apart" was such BS.

Yes, I think part of his distress is that the majority of HIS grandsons are leaving.  He most likely plans for them to work the family business (because, you know, women can’t work construction - barf - so his granddaughters are worthless). Also, that they’ll need money for living expenses while gone and that will take funds away from the compound he’s building.  HIS compound.

BTW, I’m so curious about the layout of the family prison....  Are they building it with adult/partnered grandchildren in mind?

[humbleopinion]

Pa Putman's worst nightmare...diminished omnipresent influence if he isn't in those grandsons' faces ever single waking moment in their formative years and they aren't within HIS arm's reach.

Free thinking grandsons will influence the other grand kids to escape from Grandpa's clutches...

The break away family will need to spend Faux Putman's salary as an MD to live on so the total family combined financial resources will be smaller.

That must be driving the Eldest Son to fits as he sees any Putman income earned money as HIS money.

The new prison house is a giant money pit that they may not be able to sustain unless they can come up with more income...hopefully not from TLC.

Edited October 30, 2017 by humbleopinion

[ChiCricket]

On 9/20/2017 at 4:02 PM, Annb67 said:

What was extremely disturbing to me was when the crazy dad was talking to the others in the family and said "She's going to talk about how much she misses her husband and wants to leave". He then instructed them to discourage her from leaving. This is sick. Its like watching abductees and the abductor.

Here's a thought...how about grandma goes and helps out AT THEIR APARTMENT?

(Obviously I'm way behind you guys in watching this)

Edited November 7, 2017 by ChiCricket

[ChiCricket]

On 10/17/2017 at 4:48 PM, Mrs. Hanson said:

We skipped it at our wedding ten days ago.  We didn't feed it to each other - God gave Mr. Hanson two hands and the ability to use a fork.

 Congrats on your wedding :)

[JennaMSN]

I'm sure I will be crucified for making this statement but to each his own. I have a masters degree in nursing just so you can understand I am educated not a hillbilly from some no named tent park. I find this family admirable in many ways, although I do have an issue with the voting/guilting meetings. If I had the opportunity to live with my inlaws who are wonderful loving beautiful people, I would do it! The thought of having sisters and grandmother so close to my children, spending so much time with family is something I wish I had before she passed away. Our society is so far removed from what we used to be, multi generational family living together, caring for each other especially in times of need. What is wrong with that??? These women are blessed to be able to stay home with their kids & their kids are lucky to have what kids in this country are missing! Why are so many lunatics shooting every one and treating others with horrible behavior? We've lost human kindness & that starts from home... I love most of what they are doing & admire the husbands for being loving of their wives & sister. Again what the heck is "creepy" about loving your sister? And for the record I have 2 brothers I raised who adore me & a husband who Does say mushy loving statements that are so criticized in this forum. I'm thankful & I don't feel they, nor myself, should feel embarrassed because we have the love of family. For the record there is no way I could live in that small house , but knowing the big one is being built would give me hope. I was bummed the show was cancelled