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This Is The Quotes Thread

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Besides the acting, This Is Us also has some great writing going for it. For example, this quote:

Kate, to her twin brother Kevin: "You know, you are so much smarter than you look."

Kevin: "That's what Michael Bay told me." 

Post your favorite quotes here. 

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Randall: And he's a former crack addict, by the way.
Beth: Oh, well, then he can stay forever!

Annie: My vice is asthma. [William's] is cocaine.

Justin: Victor, my man, how you been?
Hector: I've been Hector.

Lainey: I made you so famous, you could wear a ski cap when it's 80 degrees outside and no one would say a damn thing.

Kevin: I was not a very good brother to you, was I?
Randall: No, you weren't, but you still got time.

Beth: Damn, now I feel like a bitch.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Randall, to Kevin: "Mom & Dad didn't raise no whores-except briefly, during Karen's eyeliner phase." 

Beth, to Randall: "I want to tell you something, but I don't know how to say it." 

Randall: "Since when do we censor ourselves around each other? You don't have to censor yourself with me; not ever. So, what's your question?" 

Beth: "How long is your crack-addict bio daddy gonna stay in our daughter's bedroom?"

Randall: "Damn."

Beth: "I know, right?"

Randall: "You need to censor yourself, woman."

Love them. 

Edited by DollEyes
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Randall: Thanks for dropping by unexpectedly, Miguel. Rewind. Thanks for dropping by.

Randall: Hi, white people. Just your friendly neighborhood black man.

Dr. K: I brought [these babies] into the world, Jack. I'm perfectly qualified to sit here and watch them sleep and crap themselves for a couple of hours.

Kevin: A brother who locks himself in his master bedroom closet that happens to have a minibar in it.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Jack, to Rebecca: "I thought you ran off and abandoned the kids."

Rebecca: "I would never run off and abandon the kids without you." 

Edited by DollEyes
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Jack: I had to sleep with someone to get this [chair]. I hope that's okay.
Rebecca: Yeah, I'm fine with it as long as his wife is okay with it.

Jack: Enjoy Misery.

Kevin: You're the screenwriter.
Sloan: Playwright.
Kevin: Well, you gotta start somewhere.

Randall: Now try on the damn slim cut flat front chinos. I think they'll look nice on you.

Jack: You know where I got this shirt?
Kate: I heard mommy say it was from a drugged out drifter.

Jack: I was wearing this shirt the night I met your mom and she thought I was the handsomest man in the world.
Kate: You?

Toby: So you stalked [my ex-wife] like a serial killer?
Kate: Josie and I prefer to call it research.

William: Was that the Manny?

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Young Kevin, to his parents: "You're always making sure Kate does eat too much and Randall's not too adopted. But where's Kevin? Oh, right-he's dead."

Randall, to the girls: "Mom & I gotta get to work to pay for all this hair product." 

Olivia, to Kevin, re his audition: "It's call a 'pause.'"

Kevin: "It doesn't say 'pause'."

Olivia: "It doesn't say 'suck,' either, but here we are."

Toby, to Kate, about his ex-wife: "We weren't good together. But you know who are?"

Kate: "Matt Lauer & Savannah Guthrie?"

Toby: "Yeah, duh."

Kate: "I love them & I want them to be my family."

Randall, to William: "You wear whatever you want tomorrow."

William: "I like my new flat-front khakis just fine." 

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Jack: I got it in Florida, in a magical land called Daytona Beach.

Kate: Can we go there?

Jack: NO. No, you may never go to Daytona Beach. I want you to say that out loud, "Daddy, I will never go to Daytona Beach."

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"You're always making sure Kate does eat too much and Randall's not too adopted. But where's Kevin? Oh, right-he's dead."

That suddenly makes me think of the third triplet, who indeed is dead. And wonder if Kevin and Kate knew they were triplets, but one of them was never born. I don't think they do

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Rebecca: I refuse to be my mother staring at my father as he stares at the television.

Kevin: You've got a great voice. You ever do any voiceover work? You should. You could be an owl in a Pixar movie. No offense.
William: Not sure why I would take offense to that.

Kevin: I don't do blueberries.
Annie: Me neither.
Randall: Since when?
Annie: Since now.
Kevin: it's not the taste, right? It's the texture of the skin. It's gross.
Tess: Yeah, I don't want blueberries either.
Randall: Any other dietary restrictions I should let the staff know about?
Kevin: No, man, you're busy. I'll just make a list for you later when I've got some time.

Kevin: So you told the girls that he's grandpa but not that he's sick, right? That's ballsy.

Randall: I was wondering, how can I say this politely?
Beth: When are you leaving?

Beth: Where are we going to get a sitter?
Randall: We've got two family members living in our house right now for free. One of them played a nanny on tv.
Kevin: No, actually an au pair. Technically I played an au pair on tv. There's a difference. Not a lot of people know that.

Toby: Breakfast in bed? What did I do to deserve this?
Kate: I don't know. You've done a lot of really nice things for me so I wanted to return the favor.
Toby: Awww. By cutting up cardboard into little squares and putting them in a bowl?

Beth: Bedtimes are at 8 and 9. That's teeth brushed and in bed.
Kevin: So one sambuca to chase down the Ambien and then lights out, right?

Randall: Okay, babe, here's the plan - sex first. Right away. Loud, adult, no kids in the next room sex. And it doesn't have to be marathon sex. We just need to get the job DONE! And under no circumstances are we allowed to fall asleep afterwards watching House Hunters. Ooh, we'll do it in the shower. That's good. Won't fall asleep in the big fancy shower. And we'll order room service before. That way we'll finish our loud adult shower sex just as room service arrives and we will slip on robes and eat burgers - no, wait, spaghetti. No, I like burgers  better. We will eat burgers in bed. The big question is what to order on pay per view. Ooh, I hope they have that Hugh Grant/Meryl Streep movie that sounds like a black lady. Florence Foster Jenkins. Baby, they already got Florence Foster Jenkins!

Toby: We've got carrots, celery, broccoli, no dip. You're welcome.

Rebecca: You knew when you met me and married me that I did not want to be one of those women whose sole purpose in life was to be a mother. If that's what you wanted, you should have married my mom.
Jack: I was thinking more your sister.

Annie: What happens when you die?
Kevin: What happens when you die is you die.

Jack: When did you guys know you wanted to have kids?
Miguel: About four months into her first pregnancy.

Beth: Damn Carolina punkass kids!

Kevin: Sorry if I was a jerk before. You're really not going to forgive me? What if I told you a secret that I've never shared with anyone before?
Tess: Is this about you dating Demi Lovato? Because everyone knows.
Kevin: No, it's not about Demo Lovato and we are just friends!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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I totally LOL'd at Randall's comment on falling asleep while watching House Hunters.  Because, well, that's happened to me.  Many, many times.  :S

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Kevin, to William, about William's voice: "You could be an owl in a Pixar movie."

Annie (or Tess), to Kevin: "I have to pee."

William: "I kinda do, too." 

Heckler, to an arguing Jack & Rebecca: "Hey, 'Sid & Nancy,' take it outside!" 

Randall, to Beth: "What has two thumbs and loves his wife so much it hurts?" 

Edited by DollEyes
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Tess: Can grandpa speak at my career day?
Randall: I don't think so, baby. You're only allowed one speaker and I'm already signed up.
Tess: I pick grandpa. He had a cool job.
Randall: What are you saying? That daddy doesn't have a cool job? But you guys love visiting me at the office! ...Right?
Annie: I like spinning in your chair.
Tess: You kind of have a boring job, dad.
Randall: Trading commodities futures based on long term weather patterns is not boring!
[Kevin snores]

Randall: Daddy's doing career day. End of discussion. And it's going to be lit!
Kevin: That's not how you use lit, right?
[Tess, Annie, and William all shake their heads]

Jack: This place is whiter than Randall's already pretty white school.

Tess: What was that?
Beth: That was a mid-life crisis, but just a little one so go on and eat your waffle.

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School principal (a teacher?  I don't know.  He just said that Randall was "Tess's dad," not "Tess and Annie's dad") calling Randall a "weatherman" was LOL-funny. But he was just reading from his notes...

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"You're going to have to find yourself a new black person"-- neighbor lady, dressing down Jack when he tries to get her to agree that Randall shouldn't take the opportunity to go to the new fancy school.

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Beth: Hey, Kevin, did you see a yellow legal pad in my office?
Kevin: You mean my bedroom?
Beth: Do I though?

Kevin: It's Miguel's gout?
Randall: Yeah.
Kevin: I didn't know they made gout anymore.

Kevin: You and me.
Randall: You and I.

Randall: You're the mayor of free shrimp!

Seth: Kevin! Hey, Kevin! You alright, man? Do you want me to call someone?
Kevin: No, this is my brother.
Seth: Oh. Hey, man.
Randall: Hey, Seth Meyers.

Kevin: Whoa, someone's high.
Beth: Goodnight.
Randall: You and my wife got high together?
[William nods]
Randall: That's pretty cool.

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Beth, about the pot brownies: "These are adult brownies. These are work brownies."

Beth, to William, after he let the truth about he poetry book slip out: "Oh, Hell no, old man. You're not cancering your way out of this one." 

Randall, to Kevin, after their fight: "We gotta go, 'cause I'm still Black." 

Edited by DollEyes
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"Thanksgiving dad is a hot dad." Randall, while doing the robot

"We've already listened to Graceland like five times! We get it, dad! We can call him Al!" - young Kevin (I love that kid actor)

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Olivia: I am definitely not getting together with relatives I hate so we can gorge ourselves on dry bird while pretending that we'd ever have anything to do with each other if we weren't related by blood.

Kevin: My mother is married to my dead dad's best friend. I have a twin sister who is seriously overweight. And I have an adopted black brother who just recently reconnected with his biological father who is dying. Now don't you want to see that up close?

William: VCR? Even I'm too young to use a VCR.

Miguel: How's the play going? You having fun at rehearsals?
Kevin: Fun? No, Miguel, I'm not having any fun. It's emotionally brutal work, but thank you for asking.

William: When a nice boy who adores you offers you pie, say, "Thank you."

Rebecca: Police Academy 3? You sure that's appropriate [for the kids]?
Jack: It was either that or 9 1/2 Weeks.
Rebecca: Police Academy 3, guys!

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Kevin: Ha, you know what's funny? With the language barrier, sometimes Olivia's funnier than she means to be.
Kate: She's British. She speaks English.

Kevin: Forgive me for not learning in high school. I was having sex.

Kevin: On a scale of ripping off your Barbie dolls' heads and forgetting where I hid them to spilling marinara on your junior prom dress, how mad are we?
Kate: More than prom.
Kevin: Really?

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During the tripping memory flashback of a  watching the family play a board game, Randall wants to confront his mom.

Older Randall: "No, give me the dice"

Younger Randall memory rolls dice

Older Randall "Dammit Randall"

Edited by callmebetty
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3 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

William to Olivia:  when a nice boy who obviously adores you, offers you pie, say thank you.

William could see she was a little shit before I could. 

That's because he's the Wise Owl from a Pixar movie. He knows things.

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Beth: Understanding and forgiveness are two very different animals. The adult in you is all good but the little boy in you is still hurt.
Randal: So I got him a boat. You're welcome little boy!

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15 hours ago, J0nas3 said:

"Dad, Grampa's gay. Or at least bi."

I LOVE that.  When I was around that age, I didn't know what gay was.  Mind you, it was 1988-1989 or so...(I know, I know, it was the height of the AIDS crisis, but all I knew was it came from the exchange of bodily fluids).

Edited by PRgal
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 Sloane's Mother: Oh, Sloane do the story.  Kevin you are in for a treat. She tells it beautifully. 

Sloane's Sister: Why is it always her? I can tell it beautifully.

Sloane's Mother: Honey, no offense, but you tell it like it's a hostage video.

Edited by RachelKM
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Rewatching clips because this show owns part of my soul, and caught this beautiful Kevin/Randall moment I missed before.

Randall: So what are you going to do?

Kevin: I was kinda hoping you'd tell me.

Randall: Oh because you care what I think?

Kevin: I care what everyone thinks, man. You know that.

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Kevin: How's the sequel to Beginners going? It's a Christopher Plummer movie that came out a few years ago about a guy late in life who comes out of the closet. I say that because you're gay now.
William: I'm not gay NOW.

Kevin: Your bio dad's only half gay.

Toby: I'm going to do it - the surgery, in an hour. I wanted you to be informed but I didn't want you to freak out.
Kate: Okay, is that why you texted me in all caps GET BACK HERE ASAP 911 exclamation point crying face?
Toby: Yeah, the original version of that text had like ten more crying faces.

Kevin: Sloan is like hot librarian sexy whereas Olivia is more like intense artist kind of sexy. But she's also British which makes her hot librarian sexy by default.

Kate: We are a hot mess, aren't we?
[Randall raises his paper coffee cup to toast]
Randall: Yeah. Big three?
Kevin: Big three.
[Randall, Kevin, and Kate clink their coffee cups together]

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Rebecca: I am going to have to duct tape garbage bags to my swollen clown feet.

Miguel: Being a father means that every once in a while, you get to buy yourself something because your kids get everything else.
Jack: I don't like golf.
Miguel: Nobody likes golf. I don't like golf. That doesn't matter.

Dr. K: My son is about as subtle as an elephant with gas.

Jack: What the hell could this thing possibly be for?
Dr. K: It's for rectal examinations. That one's from the dirty pile.

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Jack: The kids are turning ten tomorrow. They don't need more toys. They need a dog. Our beautiful children need a beautiful dog.
Rebecca: Okay, get them a dog. And then get them a new mommy who will walk it.
Jack: That's fair enough, but do you want to interview these women or do you trust my judgment?

Kate: Guys, we need to have a meeting.
Rebecca: What happened to knocking? And since when do you call meetings?
Jack: Last I checked, we call the meetings, you attend the meetings, and then we continue to feed you. That's the deal.

Jack: Wasn't Randall cute?
Rebecca: He's still cute!
Jack: He's fine. He was cuter when he was five.

Kevin: How's camp?
Kate: I'm not sure. It feels like a cult. Or Whole Foods. Hey, can you call Toby? He doesn't know anyone [in New York] and it would be nice if you could hang out with him.
Kevin: Are you serious? I can't believe this. I call to get help and now I gotta end up doing something nice?

Rebecca: Don't get emotional.
Jack: I'm not emotional. You're emotional.

Toby: I've never spent a whole day with a famous person before. I went to a dinner party once with the guy who came in eighth in Carrie Underwood's season of American Idol but obviously you're way better than that.

Toby: While you were out seducing women with your master race bone structure and your perfect man bod, I was logging two solid decades of actually doing nice things for women so that they fall for me. And on top of that, and I'm not exaggerating here, I have seen every romantic comedy ever made.

Toby: A romantic gesture of this magnitude is only effective if it is directed at the love of your life. The end of Notting Hill completely falls apart if Hugh Grant thinks Julia Roberts is just kinda aight. Then he's just kind of annoying her at a press conference, right?
Kevin: I've never seen that movie.
Toby: Shut up! What?
Kevin: Never.
Toby: What?

Kevin: Toby, you're a stud!
Toby: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

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Beth: Please take off that shirt. It wasn't cool on Sisqo in 2001. It's not cool now. I love you. I just don't like that shirt.

Kate: I take this place seriously and you were acting like a total ass.
Toby: Wow, okay, and here I was thinking I was just being myself. I was just trying to do something nice for you.
Kate: I didn't ask for you to do anything nice for me, Toby.
Toby: Did you ever think I needed you to do something nice for me?

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Kevin: You look phenomenal.

Sophie: What the hell is the matter with you?

Kevin: Stunning.

Sophie: Who the hell do you think you are just showing up at my doorstep like that? Do you have any idea how invasive that is? You better be dying! And soon! But you're not are you? Look at you you're glowing. God, that is so annoying! Why don't you age?! I only came here today to tell you to go screw yourself.

Waitress: Lava fries.

Sophie: Dammit.

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On 1/27/2017 at 9:05 PM, ProudMary said:

Young Randall (after having just been called into his parents' bedroom):  "Are we getting checked for lice again?"

Once Rebecca located a proper barber for Randall, I hope she would learn that American lice are adapted for while folks' hair. She had little or nothing to worry about with Randall.

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Teen Kevin: I disown you! You're de-twinned!

 

Rebecca: I don't know what's going on with Kate, but she's wearing a lot of eyeliner so it can't be good!

 

Kate: Do I have issues? Yes, but deep down, I am awesome!

Edited by bettername2come
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Jack: For the next month, I'm going to ply [the kids] with greasy Chinese food and when the boys start to stink. I'm going to take them out back and hose them down.

Miguel: It wouldn't matter if this guy were Jeff Goldblum. [Rebecca] only has eyes for you.
Jack: Jeff Goldblum? Really?
Miguel: Have you seen Jurassic Park?

Miguel: You know what I'll do? I'll wear that new fedora I got.
Jack: Don't do that.
Miguel: I'm going to.
Jack: You'll embarrass yourself and me.
Miguel: I look great in that hat.

Toby: Now that I know you're not going to leave me for the Jared Leto of fat camp, I need to get some clothes for your brother's opening tonight.
Kate: Jared Leto?
Toby: Yeah.
Kate: Uhh, no.
Toby: He's like a bad boy.
Kate: Jared Leto?
Toby: He was kind of Jared Leto-ish.
Kate: I don't know.

Toby: Who was your first celebrity crush?
Kate: Aladdin.
Toby: Did you say Aladdin?
Kate: I did.
Toby: The cartoon?
Kate: Yeah. Did you see his abs?
Toby: Fair play.

Miguel: She's looking over here. What should I do?  Should I wink? Should I wave? I just winked and I waved at the same time. I think it was too much at once. Was it too much?

Miguel: You remind me of [Jack], you know that? The way that you move your hands when you talk, the way you walk across a room. Sometimes you remind me so much of him that the hair on my arm stands up. It's why it breaks my heart that you don't like me, Kevin. Because when I'm around you, I feel like I get a little piece of my best friend back.

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On 2/15/2017 at 5:46 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Miguel: You remind me of [Jack], you know that? The way that you move your hands when you talk, the way you walk across a room. Sometimes you remind me so much of him that the hair on my arm stands up. It's why it breaks my heart that you don't like me, Kevin. Because when I'm around you, I feel like I get a little piece of my best friend back.

He gets his best friend's little piece whenever he's around Rebecca.    Too soon?

 

Rebecca (to Randall): You knew about this?

Randall: Honestly, I just assumed. 

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