Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

[Marigold]

Oh totally not a TV show.

I think she is angling for a cookbook.  

WTF is with the cooking videos and she isn't even an experienced cook???  There is some $$$ plans in the works. 

They do a year or two of this grub and then it is a self published cookbook.  Not a ton of money but something. Jim Bob is going to turn this "Jessa can't cook" family joke (which is actually true) and after 2 years, voila!!!!  She has taught herself to cook and you can too!

Now Jana could really do something with sewing but that would take away from her sister mom duties... 

[Arwen Evenstar]

What would she call her book? Cooking with Jeebus?

[JoanArc]

6 minutes ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

What would she call her book? Cooking with Jeebus?

Cooking With Your Hair In Your Face

[sometimesy]

She does an amateur job with so much authority. So Duggar. 

[Marigold]

So far, i am predicting two books for the Duggars. Maybe three.

1. Josh and Anna "Through the Fire" 

2. "Cooking with Jessa" cookbook.  Jim Bob is probably taking notes on how Teresa Giudice rises from the ashes. "Teresa, that Eye-talian Housewife  wrote a cookbook. Jessa, you're an Arkansas Housewife!  (hee-haw laugh).  Start making cooking videos!"  (ka ching, ka ching!) 

Jessa gave talk or speech (whatever you call it) at a church a few months ago on "Modern Modest".  There is a potential book too. 

[kokapetl]

I thought she was gonna cut a finger off!

The end result looks exactly like the sum of its parts. 

Edited June 24, 2016 by Kokapetl

[Sew Sumi]

Her wedding ring was missing again. I said when I first saw the engagement ring version of it that it would be a delicate flower and not last long. She didn't mash up the meat with her hands; she could have kept her rings on. OTOH, the hair! Ick. 

[Aja]

Somebody needs to learn that helpmeet how to chop vegetables before she severs a judgment pointer.

[BitterApple]

Note to Jessa: Please invest in a proper cutting board. Sharp knife + plastic sheet sliding all over slippery granite countertop= missing fingertip at some point in the near future.

I remember when Jana was cooking with Jill and she had no clue how to correctly chop or hold a knife either. 

[Sew Sumi]

Thanks for bringing up the cutting board. That thing she was using is seriously dangerous! None of the JSlaves appea properly able to handle cutlery. Her knife skills are abysmal, and she had no clue how to even rough chop an onion. She wasted about half of it. 

[Marigold]

agree. Knife skills are very poor. overall familiarity with cooking is poor.

Teresa Giudice might need to make a visit to Arkansas...

[Sew Sumi]

I'd PAY to see that! 

[Marigold]

That would be a bitchin' crossover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, it would probably be really funny. 

[Sew Sumi]

I'd love to see Juicy Joe mix it up with Kim Jong Boob. Their  collective two brain cells fighting one another would be hysterical. But OT, Jessa and T would make great Mean Girl TV. 

[Marigold]

Sew Sumi,  I think we ratings gold!

Juicy Joe with Jim Bob. Teresa with her gaudy self. Convicted criminal.

Jeremy is also an Italian guy...extended family is probably catholic.  .
I HOPE A PRODUCER READS THIS

[JoanArc]

She doesn't even know to tuck the fingertips in while chopping. Looks like Michelle will be calling 911 again next season for the amputation. "Mom and pinkie need checked out!".

I bet she opens cans like a pro, though.

[Arwen Evenstar]

21 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

She doesn't even know to tuck the fingertips in while chopping. Looks like Michelle will be calling 911 again next season for the amputation. "Mom and pinkie need checked out!".

I bet she opens cans like a pro, though.

Pinkie is bleeding...in that silly baby voice would be the 911 call.

Opening cans and packages to make casseroles was the extent of her cooking. Or slicing packaged cookie dough or heating up frozen something was the extent of her knowledge.  The only thing those Duggars are professionals at is their being so amateur at things and inflating their abilities.

[lulu69]

But...but she watched someone cook once, so in their duggar world that makes her an expert.

[Arwen Evenstar]

2 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Thanks for bringing up the cutting board. That thing she was using is seriously dangerous! None of the JSlaves appea properly able to handle cutlery. Her knife skills are abysmal, and she had no clue how to even rough chop an onion. She wasted about half of it. 

You would think after all the wedding gifts they grifted for, that a decent cutting hoard and set of knives would be part of their registry. 

The reason none of the JSlaves know how to handle cutlery is they don't actually ever use it! They eat using p,attic everything.

[Joe Jitsu913]

Jessa the Domestic Goddess?  Bitch, please! 

[Vaysh]

Poor Spurge, she gave him total stink eye when he made too much noise. Then, of course, she covered it up with with her typical ahaha insincere fake laugh.

And seriously, that knife is not supposed to be handled in that way. She should watch some Gordon Ramsey or Jamie Oliver cooking tutorials. Or any cooking shows really.

[Arwen Evenstar]

7 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

That's not a recipe. It's a crime against nature.

That dish was an abomination. Dry, unappetizing, no sauce or broth or color.

[GeeGolly]

There is so much in life that I don't understand and this clueless cooking with cutlery video is one of them.

[toodles]

That potato thing was just gross.  She didn't cook the meat at least part way?  It must have been a greasy mess.  I hate onions, so I may be a poor judge, but who wants to eat big chunks of onion?  I started laughing when she was reading the ingredients from the Italian season.  I almost expected to see a "beautiful" tablescape ala Sandra Lee-or Slop as she is known here.  

I smell boob all over this.  Why we're witnessing the birth of the Cooking with jessa blessa empire.  She will be the new Paula Deen!  She can cook with her wacky husband!  Cooking utensils with bible verses on the handles coming to a dollar store near you.

Edited June 25, 2016 by toodles

[toodles]

Ok, one more thing.  Maybe blessa will make a beautiful Kwanzaa cake to prove how diverse she is.

[Joe Jitsu913]

43 minutes ago, toodles said:

Ok, one more thing.  Maybe blessa will make a beautiful Kwanzaa cake to prove how diverse she is.

Ahhh yes! Who could forget the infamous Kwanzaa cake complete with candles and nuts!

[Arwen Evenstar]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

Jessa Bleesa's Kitchen: Cooking with the Duggalos

or is Duggaloos? Or the Buggaloos? 

Anyway, special guests will be Jinger and Jeremy who will salvage the funeral piece of a meal

[BitterApple]

I think Pioneer Woman has the right-wing Christian demographic on lock. Blessa better come up with a new plan. She can't even really sell herself as a lifestyle brand because there's nothing enviable or interesting about her or Bin. Maybe she can hone in on Erin Bates' turf by doing crappy makeup tutorials? 

[smlait]

1 hour ago, toodles said:

I hate onions, so I may be a poor judge, but who wants to eat big chunks of onion?

I do!  Big chunks of roasted onions are delicious!  I toss together onions, zucchini and peppers with olive oil, salt, pepper and herbs and roast or BBQ for major yumminess.

That recipe, not so much.  And the video is just bad except for the Spurge bits.  *He* is adorable.

[BitterApple]

1 hour ago, toodles said:

Ok, one more thing.  Maybe blessa will make a beautiful Kwanzaa cake to prove how diverse she is.

Aunt Sandy's Kwanzaa cake was one of the most embarrassing moments in Food Network history, I don't know how Jessa could top that. 

[awaken]

11 hours ago, Marigold said:

 

WTF is with the cooking videos and she isn't even an experienced cook???  There is some $$$ plans in the works.

Hmmm, just like the relationship book when they'd never even had a relationship before, and their current dispensing of sage marriage advice when they've barely been married a year.  

[ariel]

25 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Aunt Sandy's Kwanzaa cake was one of the most embarrassing moments in Food Network history, I don't know how Jessa could top that. 

I think if Jessa was given the chance, she could top SL's cake of shame.

[awaken]

That was the most appalling, mind-numbingly stupid video.   What a waste of time.  I agree, looks like this is the first time she's stepped into a kitchen or held a knife.   

[louannems]

If you can make it to the very, very end of the potato video, you will be rewarded by watching Spurgeon trying out his pincer grasp on the potato.  He gives up and begins slamming the food into the table.  Just as Jessa says "Oh!", the video ends. My first thought was in wondering if that was a punishable offence.  After reading Train Up A Child, and Growing God's Tomatoes, (or something like that), I know fundies start very early, and actually look for moments of ,"disobedience" to use as training moments.

[Arwen Evenstar]

2 hours ago, BitterApple said:

I think Pioneer Woman has the right-wing Christian demographic on lock. Blessa better come up with a new plan. She can't even really sell herself as a lifestyle brand because there's nothing enviable or interesting about her or Bin. Maybe she can hone in on Erin Bates' turf by doing crappy makeup tutorials? 

Pioneer Woman is at least pleasant to watch...I would eat anything she ccoks. It looks good.  She didn't strike me as being right wing other than the whole cowboy lifestyle...they are ranchers.  that's  a likely conclusion based on the rural demographic.

[Tabbygirl521]

2 hours ago, Joe Jitsu913 said:

Ahhh yes! Who could forget the infamous Kwanzaa cake complete with candles and nuts!

Corn nuts, actually! O lord, how I miss the Aunt Sandy snark on TWOP. I do realize her show isn't on anymore, but good times. Good times. Maybe Jessa can fill that void. 

[MunichNark]

A what cake? Kwa......? And what are corn nuts (hastily trudging off to prayer closet forthwith for entertaining lewd thoughts)?

[kokapetl]

This is the kwanza cake

It has apple pie filling in the centre, those are absolutely table candles jammed into a cake, and those nuts are "acorns" (I don't know what corn its are either). Sandra Lee didn't make the cake or frosting, they were store bought, that's what her show was all about, "semi home made" food. I think it was 70% store bought and 30% "ho" made. 

No expensive was spared for cocktail time. 

[momofsquid]

Having only read the comments at first, I thought you guys were being a little bit harsh. Despite having raised two kids to healthy adulthood, I have to admit that cooking isn't really my thang and I probably hold the knife wrong too. But everyone's right, that looked like a kindergarten kid making pretend food in the play kitchen. And she forgot to preheat the oven?! Even I know that's the first flippin' thing you do. Plus, if you're making a video, you have the freedom to pretend that the oven is preheated, shove the food in and then turn the oven on when the camera is off. You can try to pretend to be competent. I suppose in her mind this was a FU internet video because she was using fresh food. I guess that's a start.

[Churchhoney]

21 hours ago, BitterApple said:

What the fuck is that recipe supposed to be? It looks like two day-old hamburger patties crumpled up and thrown on random vegetables. Jessa's struggle dish is the stuff Internet memes are made of.

Why doesn't she just buy a beginner's cookbook?

You mean read? Take the advice of someone who's -- shudder -- edumacated? Take time to -- double shudder -- learn something? Start on the bottom rung instead of presenting herself as an instant expert? .... Nope. JB and M have taught her much better than that.

Edited June 25, 2016 by Churchhoney

[BradandJanet]

12 hours ago, toodles said:

That potato thing was just gross.  She didn't cook the meat at least part way?  It must have been a greasy mess.  I hate onions, so I may be a poor judge, but who wants to eat big chunks of onion?  I started laughing when she was reading the ingredients from the Italian season.  I almost expected to see a "beautiful" tablescape ala Sandra Lee-or Slop as she is known here.  

I smell boob all over this.  Why we're witnessing the birth of the Cooking with jessa blessa empire.  She will be the new Paula Deen!  She can cook with her wacky husband!  Cooking utensils with bible verses on the handles coming to a dollar store near you.

The reading of the seasonings was my favorite part. She struggled through a few of them and then just gave up. Must have missed the seasonings names lesson in the Wisdom Books. 

[kassygreene]

That's the first time I really looked at the picture of that "cake".  It looks like play-dough.

The Pioneer Woman also blogs and stuff, and is quite proud of the fact that she and her family are deeply conservative (and wealthy) Oklahoma ranchers.  I find her interesting in small doses, and she does seem to have the skill of cooking large quantities of food for large groups of people, and I very honestly lust after that kitchen (which is apparently not her house kitchen, but the bunkhouse kitchen) - and the income that would support it (gotta be practical).  BUT, her recipes are pretty much open cans and boxes and stir together.  You can almost see the salt and sugar permeating the air.  Making things from scratch she does not do.

[Minivanessa]

2 hours ago, momofsquid said:

Having only read the comments at first, I thought you guys were being a little bit harsh. Despite having raised two kids to healthy adulthood, I have to admit that cooking isn't really my thang and I probably hold the knife wrong too. But everyone's right, that looked like a kindergarten kid making pretend food in the play kitchen. And she forgot to preheat the oven?! Even I know that's the first flippin' thing you do. Plus, if you're making a video, you have the freedom to pretend that the oven is preheated, shove the food in and then turn the oven on when the camera is off. You can try to pretend to be competent. I suppose in her mind this was a FU internet video because she was using fresh food. I guess that's a start.

The amateur aspects of that video, and your comment, got me thinking. (Not necessarily my best thinking, early in the a.m. while insufficiently caffeinated, but still.)

So, the Duggar kids essentially grew up in front of professional TLC camera crews. I realize the crews weren't filming all the time, but they must have spent a lot of time around the crews and in front of video cameras. It's so odd, as noted, that Jessa would leave that "oops" in the video, or not do another take. Or something. I'm not into video, I've never been on a TV show whether live or taped, but I could figure that out. You shoot the video and then you sit down at teh computer and edit it. Seriously, for me that's just a "D'uh" thing.

And here's what I'm now wondering. Did Boob let the kids actually watch the final shows as aired? Has Jessa ever watched the final cut of any 19K&C episode and if so has she related it back in her tiny mind to what she saw the videographers actually shooting and thus understood the concept of editing? Are the Duggars, including JessaBlessa, so dim and incurious about everything that they can be the darling stars of a major cable TV brand for YEARS, and still know jack sh*t about how to produce a finished edited home video?

Even if it was Bin holding the camera you'd think Jessa would have cared enough to call in the Duggar Video team to edit it. 

Edited to add: Or maybe this is just fallout from the kids' not getting to watch TV, not even cooking shows. She may not have a good idea of what a professionally produced cooking video would look like. Sheesh. And further edited to add: And apparently it wouldn't occur to her, if she wanted to make her own cooking video, to watch some professionally produced ones first to get tips. The more I think of it, that looked like how the crew did some "kitchen" shots on 19K&C. Mostly from the side, almost over the cook's shoulder, which I suppose is fine for a "reality show" segment. But a pro cooking video is almost always set up so that you're looking at the cook from the front and the food is front and center. Couldn't they have found a table or counter so Jessa could stand behind it with the food in front? Not sure it occurred to them.

Edited June 25, 2016 by Jeeves

[Arwen Evenstar]

28 minutes ago, kassygreene said:

That's the first time I really looked at the picture of that "cake".  It looks like play-dough.

The Pioneer Woman also blogs and stuff, and is quite proud of the fact that she and her family are deeply conservative (and wealthy) Oklahoma ranchers.  I find her interesting in small doses, and she does seem to have the skill of cooking large quantities of food for large groups of people, and I very honestly lust after that kitchen (which is apparently not her house kitchen, but the bunkhouse kitchen) - and the income that would support it (gotta be practical).  BUT, her recipes are pretty much open cans and boxes and stir together.  You can almost see the salt and sugar permeating the air.  Making things from scratch she does not do.

Thanks, Kassy. I like to think the Food  Network is about food and that the personal lives (politics religion etc) of the chefs are incidental. The Drummonds seem like a lovely family, notwithstanding.  Alton Brown, who is hilarious and articulate  and is a born again Christian, does not come off the least bit sanctimonious, which makes him super cool.

Living on a ranch is pretty labor intensive so I would understand shortcuts. I don't make everything from scratch but the cans or jars usually say organic on the labels. Texas and Okie cuisine has lots of meat, salt, and sugar.  I would tend to cut back on salt and sugar autonatically since Mr E has high blood pressure and he's worried about the diabetes in his family. 

That Kwaanza cake was indeed something to behold..Looks like a turd with colored pencils sticking out of it. When Jessa bakes a Pride cake...THEN she's really arrived in the tolerance department.

[RazzleberryPie]

Sandra Lee Kwanzaa cake - corn nuts are basically fried parched kernels of corn. Bar snacks.

the chef who actually invented the recipe for her admitted on a blog that Sandra was clueless and they purposefully invented a nasty recipe to see if it would fly and make it on air. It did. Sandra was not in on the joke.

if these Duggar girls can't follow a recipe or make a basic meal from scratch by now, they're flat out stupid. 

Their sole purpose and training in life was to be homemakers, and they haven't figure out how to make toast. They're stupid. 

[Arwen Evenstar]

1 minute ago, RazzleberryPie said:

Sandra Lee Kwanzaa cake - corn nuts are basically fried parched kernels of corn. Bar snacks.

the chef who actually invented the recipe for her admitted on a blog that Sandra was clueless and they purposefully invented a nasty recipe to see if it would fly and make it on air. It did. Sandra was not in on the joke.

if these Duggar girls can't follow a recipe or make a basic meal from scratch by now, they're flat out stupid. 

Their sole purpose and training in life was to be homemakers, and they haven't figure out how to make toast. They're stupid. 

Razzleberry, you hit the nail on the head! You would think if they were trained from birth to be homemakers that they could be so slovenly and not even show competence in making toast! It boggles the mind! Only Jana and maybe Jinger seem competent. Remember how Muffy registered for fecking Cheerios on her Wally World registry? Derick feeds her Froot Loops for breakfast; she's a grown ass wife and mother, but that's just her chronological age.  Jilly Muffin is a hot mess and likely the worst cook and homemaker of the bunch.  I think Derick does most of the cooking so he can have food that's at least edible.

[RazzleberryPie]

Even if something else had been their jurisdiction, anyone with average intelligence - or less - can pick up enough life skills to follow a simple recipe from a box. Most boxed things even have pictures of ingredients and steps. 

They're not making soufflés and beef Wellington. This is minute rice from boxes and dump,  heat, and serve casseroles. 

[Arwen Evenstar]

34 minutes ago, RazzleberryPie said:

Even if something else had been their jurisdiction, anyone with average intelligence - or less - can pick up enough life skills to follow a simple recipe from a box. Most boxed things even have pictures of ingredients and steps. 

They're not making soufflés and beef Wellington. This is minute rice from boxes and dump,  heat, and serve casseroles. 

They're really hopeless, aren't they.? Boob and Me-Chelle should be brought to a courtroom to be held legally accountable for what they've done to those kids! You can see there's a world of difference in maturity between Jeremy and Smuggar, who are the same age. 

[RazzleberryPie]

34 minutes ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

They're really hopeless, aren't they.? Boob and Me-Chelle should be brought to a courtroom to be held legally accountable for what they've done to those kids! You can see there's a world of difference in maturity between Jeremy and Smuggar, who are the same age. 

Yes and seriously, I have a husband who came from a big Italian family with lots of elderly women who basically spend their entire waking moments cooking, shopping to cook, planning events to cook, etc. They constantly mail cookies, deliver meals, feed church and community members, etc. You can' be near them without getting fed.

So........basically, he's (and his siblings, cousins, basically anyone in a three mile range) never in his life be required to cook to feed himself. They were all shooed out of the kitchen if they tried. However, all of the younger (as in under 50) crown can follow a recipe and cook. If they decide they want some spaghetti or apple pie or mashed potatoes or whatever, they can all say 'hey, mashed potatoes, let's clean and boil some potatoes, peel them, and mash them. Hmmm butter might taste good. Still see lumps, let's mash some more.' It's not rocket science. Even the three year olds who can't read can look at a box of muffin mix and see it needs two eggs, a cup of oil, and stir. 

Jinger seemed to know how to bake bread, so there's some hope for her, but i'm still  baffled by the whole scene of Jill freaking out and needing to call Jana to make minute rice, and then them both looking confused. 

[cmr2014]

I wonder if this is part of the reason that JB is having such a hard time marrying his daughters to Gothard boys. I don't know enough about Gothardism to be sure, but I would think that his obsession on gender roles and "help-meets" would lead Gothard boys to expect that their future wives can keep house - including cooking and cleaning.