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S04.E07: Spit Take


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Underprivileged children are treated to the SUR experience by Lisa, but bad behavior is server by the staffers. Meanwhile, Jax stands up for Kristen; Sandoval considers going to Las Vegas without Ariana; and a business plan fails to impress.

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Haven't those poor kids suffered enough already without being subjected to the "SUR experience"? *shudder*

Oh no, Jax standing up for Kristen? Are they going to hook up next? Is this how Kristen will remain connected to the show?

Bet FI is looking for another hookup, just like when he cheated on Kristen in Vegas with Ariana and then Miami with Miami Girl. Bwah!

  • Love 7
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Oh no, Jax standing up for Kristen? Are they going to hook up next? Is this how Kristen will remain connected to the show?

Bet FI is looking for another hookup, just like when he cheated on Kristen in Vegas with Ariana and then Miami with Miami Girl. Bwah!

Do you mean again? I won't be surprised as these two have one thing in common: looking like they are always in need of a good scrub.

And I'm sure FI Tom is looking for his next storyline hookup/sidepiece.

  • Love 5
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I am watching a repeat wondering how and why I get engaged with this freakin show.  It is beyond commical but I really do like it.

 

I think they are capturing a certain demographic that straddles young-adult to adult.  They are somewhere right in the middle working out careers, relaionships, etc.  Trying to figure themselves out.

 

It is really interesting.

 

...sad note...I think James is on drugs. It's pretty clear when he's on something.

  • Love 4
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I haven't even seen the first look yet, but in what world is taking a bunch of underprivileged kids to a bar staffed by coked up degenerates and maybe-escorts a good idea?  Is Lala going to start up a sugar baby/escort mentorship program?  I guess FI Tom could teach the kids to make a mean scramble and there's always the Tom Sandoval School of Modeling and Schwartz could be a TA.  Ariana could teach them the ways of reason and logic.  Jax should never be around children, so I hope it's his day off.

 

We used to have underprivileged kids come to my old office and follow us around, but I worked at a division of children's cable television network, not a fucking bar.  None of us were high or drunk and there was no bathroom sex, but it was still kind of dicey because we had to not cuss and set a good example and make it look like we were actually adults with real jobs.  Maybe when I actually see the show this will all make sense, but until then, it is making my brain hurt trying to figure out how this would get a green light from anyone with a functioning brain.  As an aside, I've literally been going to bars since I was born.  My grandma used to own a topless bar and after that she was bar manager at a local dive bar.  It was such not a big deal for me that when I was in highschool if she was working days I'd take her lunch at the bar and eat there with her.  So I have nothing against bars.  I just don't think it's a suitable venue for this sort of field trip.    

Edited by yourmomiseasy
  • Love 8
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I haven't even seen the first look yet, but in what world is taking a bunch of underprivileged kids to a bar staffed by coked up degenerates and maybe-escorts a good idea?

Maybe when I actually see the show this will all make sense, but until then, it is making my brain hurt trying to figure out how this would get a green light from anyone with a functioning brain.

I saw the first look, and it still makes no sense. A woman who works with homeless teens wants to grant their wish to eat in a restaurant. But she works nights at a restaurant—why not take them there?

  • Love 5
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I saw the first look, and it still makes no sense. A woman who works with homeless teens wants to grant their wish to eat in a restaurant. But she works nights at a restaurant—why not take them there?

When that woman said she wanted to take them to a fancy restaurant (or did they say they had never been to any kind of restaurant before in their lives, which I find hard to believe, quite frankly) I wondered out loud to myself why she chose SUR instsad of a REAL one and wondered if I misunderstood the part where she said they wanted to see a dive bar/greasy spoon.

Did anyone else think Kristen was sneaking up on James before he introduced her as his mother?

Was the scene in which the Tom-Tom Club discussed their plan for promoting successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbuck's sangria aflashback?

  • Love 3
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I am watching a repeat wondering how and why I get engaged with this freakin show.  It is beyond commical but I really do like it.

 

I think they are capturing a certain demographic that straddles young-adult to adult.  They are somewhere right in the middle working out careers, relaionships, etc.  Trying to figure themselves out.

 

It is really interesting.

 

...sad note...I think James is on drugs. It's pretty clear when he's on something.

 

I thought he was the night the guys all went out. He was jabbering and flapping his arms around too much for it to just have been alcohol.

I thought coke or meth.

There is a podcast I listen to called Pumped Podcast.

The hostess said she went to a club to get some recreational supplies. After she made her own purchase...James went up to the dealer to score a plethora of drugs. She mentioned Mally - which I can definitely see him doing.

  • Love 6
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I'm curious as to what value the Toms bring to LVP wines and spirits. Apparently, LVP sangria is available at practically every grocery store in my area in Texas.

 

I think they just want to be the faces/models that promote the drink. They are probably fantasizing about print campaigns and getting to go to clubs and drinking for free. That's why they have no "ideas" - this isn't their idea, it's probably Lisa's camp working LVP liquor into a few episodes. I can definitely see the knuckleheads getting an appearance fee to go to a club, some LVP signage in the background and bottles of liquor available for autographing.

 

On a side note, in the last episode, towards the end everyone was hanging out in the alley. Inclusive of Kristen and Lauren lurking. For some reason this reminded me of a Little Rascals scene and I LOL'd and thought of wooden crates and what mischief Spanky and Alfalfa would lead them to.

  • Love 2
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While I agree the Toms should at least try to present a plan more detailed than "I'll drink it in St. Louis and everyone will copy because I'm so popular, and then they'll go home and talk about how Cool Tom drank LVP sangria, and then profit BOOM", I think they're in a tough spot for being unable to break the fourth wall. They're nationally known reality stars who make more money from promotional club appearances and the show itself than they do bartending or sporadic modeling shoots. Everyone knows selling LVP's booze means a VPR tie-in at clubs and college bars. And sorry FI, but I agree he likes to do club appearances for the random hookup potential.

Edited by The Mighty Peanut
  • Love 6
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Did anyone else think Kristen was sneaking up on James before he introduced her as his mother?

 

 

Yep.  Makes perfect sense why he hooked up with Kristen.  Mommy issues, maybe.  And seeing him crying and emotional over his parents' pending divorce in this twenties gave me horrifying flashbacks to RHOOC's Tamra.  Help me, baby Jesus.

 

Regardless, shame on James for telling his mom that it was Kristen who destroyed their relationship by cheating.  Not saying she didn't cheat but it was James who was bragging about it on film. 

 

Lala seemed way too horrified at Sur for nothing to have happened with Jax.

  • Love 3
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I think James is still very hung up on Kristen. I saw him on the aftershow and I just think he still loves Kristen. She was probably his first real relationship....spittin' on her door...gaw!

I sort of agree with this.  At first, Kristen and James seemed like an odd match.  I chalked it up to both needing and wanting a way to stay engaged in the show somehow and wanting to be with "someone". But, after a few intereviews and such, I think there was more.  Not that it would have lasted, but they seemed to care about each other - James maybe even cared for Kristen more than the reverse. 

  • Love 1
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I think James is still very hung up on Kristen. I saw him on the aftershow and I just think he still loves Kristen. She was probably his first real relationship....spittin' on her door...gaw!

 

Kristen was probably his first sexual experience other than his own hand.

 

He was totally dazzled by her because of her "celebrity" on this show. She manipulated and played him very well....he kept saying she said he was the best sex she ever had...and he believed every word she said. I'm sure he had his suspicions of her infidelities (not sure if she did or didn't cheat) but I think she hinted at it then played coy to make him jealous and crazy. I don't think Kristen did this necessarily to be cruel but this was her "normal" relationship she had with Tom.

 

I think he has daddy issues more than mommy issues. Daddy was much older than his mom and he then hooked up with an older woman. If daddy was the musical manager of WHAM why didn't daddy use his connections to get James a job at a radio station or record label or even a DJ internship at a real Club.

 

And I agree he is still hooked on Kristen as he is way tooooo angry to be indifferent

  • Love 6
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Oh man, the chucklefuck Toms kill me.  What the fuckety fuck did they get themselves into with Pandy & her hot husb?  They'll brand for her & not get paid for it.  OK, what?  I mean it.  WHAT???  Oh, thanks for the giggles, chucklefucks!

  • Love 7
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Kristen was probably his first sexual experience other than his own hand.

He was totally dazzled by her because of her "celebrity" on this show. She manipulated and played him very well....he kept saying she said he was the best sex she ever had...and he believed every word she said. I'm sure he had his suspicions of her infidelities (not sure if she did or didn't cheat) but I think she hinted at it then played coy to make him jealous and crazy. I don't think Kristen did this necessarily to be cruel but this was her "normal" relationship she had with Tom.

I think he has daddy issues more than mommy issues. Daddy was much older than his mom and he then hooked up with an older woman. If daddy was the musical manager of WHAM why didn't daddy use his connections to get James a job at a radio station or record label or even a DJ internship at a real Club.

And I agree he is still hooked on Kristen as he is way tooooo angry to be indifferent

I think he is in some pain. His Mom trying to tell him to just relax and enjoy himself: youth is wasted on the young! Everything is such a big deal! Oy! Kristen is over him, if she ever was moved by him at all.

Jax, you are sleazy beyond reckoning. Way too old to behave the way that you do.

  • Love 2
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Loved the look Sandoval shot Jax as James walked away from their conversation at the SUR bar. Those meticulously waxed eyebrows can dish out some wonderful expressions!

I think the Toms working as "brand ambassadors" is... Well, I won't say "brilliant," but... A not-bad idea. They could demo cocktails and pose in front of step-and-repeats with the fans. I'd go see that for kicks. Hashtag SURgria!

But OH NO... There's trouble in paradise as Sandoval TOTALLY fails to consult Ariana on the ins and outs of lemonade! Maybe he's not ready to be a brand ambassador after all.

I was skeptical about the whole "teen dinner" thing but it ended up kind of sweet.

And back to Ariana. She's not mad because Peter's trip is "heteronormative." She's nervous because of Sandoval and his propensity for sketchy behaviors on trips.

I can't believe these people are in their 30s. Their behavior makes me forget until they mention it.

  • Love 11
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"Two Toms coming to a market near you...unless it's someone's birthday party...or we go to Vegas or Miami...or, you know, summer isn't a good time to make this commitment and sales might be too much pressure, so maybe we can be brand ambassadors...or just look cool drinking LVP sangria...well, let's not think about it too much--business proposals are for squares!"

Oh, damn, I was typing the above and missed what Jax and LaLa were saying. Did they hook up after Pride?!

Three exes (loosely in Jax's case) of Kristin's fighting over how none of them want her. Both James and Kristin are SO adamant that they'd never in million years want to be together, but neither can bear the thought of the other moving on--as they're both moving on. I'm having flashbacks to Tom getting his DVR and mail after their breakup. ... Oh, never mind, that stuff exchange was MUCH worse! Yikes! Kristin, you should have just dumped his crap in the SUR alley.

Wait, what? They're NOT paying the Toms for their "new careers"? Or, they'll get paid in free business trips to St. Louis and all the sangria they can drink? ... But now that they got the job Sandoval is complaining about having to do it. Sigh. Ok, enough of this stupid storyline unless we just flash forward to a brand ambassador non-sales visit.

Uh-oh, Ariana's 6-times cooler than the average 5-year-old's birthday party with bubble wands and water balloon slingshots was quickly overshadowed by Peter's boys' birthday bash in Vegas. We all know nothing good ever happens in Vegas...or Miami...or the SUR alley...

More fighting between Jax and James over Jax's friendship with Kristin...but really just because they hate each other. We almost got a rehash of the James/Sandoval Beemer/Civic selfie fight with the big age gap behavior accusations.

These poor homeless people must be like the streets aren't so bad after all!

  • Love 7
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Seriously, the homeless kids were probably like, "so..rich people problems?" back and forth to each other. That is really embarrassing for Lisa. 

 

I like to think those who edit this show dislike these people as much as I do, the way they edited Aaraina tonight, THANK YOU FOR THAT. For someone who tries to act so mature and so above everything, well...tonight she proved she is not. Have fun at your trampoline 30th birthday party. (Side note: I'm sure it will be fun, but it is more fun to snark on her crying about how FI is leaving the next day after her birthday, like, he isn't leaving on your actual birthday. Stop crying).

  • Love 10
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Seriously, the homeless kids were probably like, "so..rich people problems?" back and forth to each other. That is really embarrassing for Lisa.

I like to think those who edit this show dislike these people as much as I do, the way they edited Aaraina tonight, THANK YOU FOR THAT. For someone who tries to act so mature and so above everything, well...tonight she proved she is not. Have fun at your trampoline 30th birthday party. (Side note: I'm sure it will be fun, but it is more fun to snark on her crying about how FI is leaving the next day after her birthday, like, he isn't leaving on your actual birthday. Stop crying).

I am suspicious of the woman who works part time in a restaurant wanting to take those youngsters who allegedly have never been in a restaurant before going to one of Lisa Vanderbuck's crappy ones, but knew someONE was going to have a screaming match in the back. OK, the camera totally cut away before that one kid spat out of his escargo or calamari. Ha!

I don't blame Ariana getting her dander up about the "boys' trip" to Vegas. Those never turn out well, do they?

I totally knew the Tom-Tom Club was going to totally botch that meeting with mega-businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks daughter and husband.

Edited by Ubiquitous
  • Love 3
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I just can't get over James spitting on Kristen's door---I'm not expecting typical manners or refinement from these chucklefucks, but good lord, that's just so low, just beyond trashy and animalistic.

George Michael certainly would not have approved of tainting your good family name like that, James; and that's from a bloke who got arrested for humping on dudes in a public park!

  • Love 11
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But OH NO... There's trouble in paradise as Sandoval TOTALLY fails to consult Ariana on the ins and outs of lemonade! Maybe he's not ready to be a brand ambassador after all.

 

HAHAHAHAHA! And pour that lemonade in glasses for Christ's sake! 

 

Oh Scheana, you selfish cow. Lets compare homeless teens to your marriage woes.

 

I am still waiting in anticipation of Britney finding pants and a resume by seasons end.

  • Love 5
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I am still waiting in anticipation of Britney finding pants and a resume by seasons end.

Oh me too! I'm starting to wonder if she even owns any pants period?

And those poor Tom's...such pretty vacant himbos, trying so desperately to come across as remotely professional and intelligent in a business-setting, and yet failing so spectacularly.

I dare say that serving/bartending is likely as high up the career ladder as they'll ever hope to climb if that's the best way they know how to conduct themselves within a business meeting.

What makes it all the sadder is that the dumber of the two actually has a chick dying to marry him---how is that eternal manchild ever going to be able to support himself AND a wife, let alone a potential child down the line??!! All he has is his looks and his sweet prettyboy charms, and that is in shorter supply as he ages.

  • Love 7
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Kristen's new guy has money and a career. OK, but does he have a television? Someone needs to get him one ASAP so that he knows what he's getting into.

 

I hate James more and more each week, especially knowing that he's George Michael's godson. How dare he embarrass George this way?! His mom is really beautiful though. Too bad her son is a douche.

 

What is the hell is going on with Jax's forehead?

 

Ariana, get yo' life girl! Do you not have friends outside of Tom? Sure, you should be concerned about his faithfulness. But Tom going out of town should not equal you staying home doing nothing. Plan your own damn trip!

Edited by MitaJo
  • Love 5
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When Jax recounted how he and LaLa were wasted and he took her home but nothing happened, even tho he wanted to "destroy her" (ugh), did anyone get the impression nothing happened b/c he was unable to, ahem, awaken lil'Jax?

Edited by Ubiquitous
  • Love 3
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James is such an immature little shit. I don't think he even believes that Kristen cheated, but he doesn't have balls to say to Kristen that "last season Kristen got the crazy villain edit and he, James, got the young puppy in love edit. And as a result he's getting offers for so much hotter, younger, less crazy ass and would rather hook up than settle down with Kristen." The worst part is that he can't even read a room the right way. Everyone in the cast is telling him to calm down, but he keeps getting turnt up to 11. Like when Jax thinks you look like an ass, then you really look like an ass.

  • Love 6
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Seriously tho, what exactly were the Toms interviewing for?  Was it sales rep jobs to shill Lisa's pre-made sangria?  Oh my goodness, I'm still yukking it up over the thought of either of those 2 having a job with regular hours & actual responsibilities.  So is Sandoval as crappy a bartender as Jax?  Cuz Ariana was acting like he really sucks as a bartender.  I also got the vibe she really is over him.  I mean totally over him.  Anyone else get that?

  • Love 4
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^ It seems like there is some other stuff going on between Ariana and Tom... Didn't she even allude to it? Saying something about it really being a Tom and Ariana problem, and not the lemonade... Trouble in paradise?

And OT, but I'm watching WWHL with Lala and James right now. They are never going to be asked back on because they've already had to have their words bleeped over eight times. Klassy! Andy seems really annoyed.

  • Love 4
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LaLa and James are on WWHL right now and man Andy is getting really pissed about all of the cussing going on with the both of them!

He is genuinely angry--I've never seen Andy this mad including after Teresa Giudice threw him. And James said Jax has herpes, which...well, seeing as Jax fucked half the show including Kristen he kinda just outed everyone's herpes including his own.

Edited by The Mighty Peanut
  • Love 4
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Kristen's new guy has money and a career. OK, but does he have a television? Someone needs to get him one ASAP so that he knows what he's getting into.

I kept thinking when she referred to her date as Alex a yacht captain, that it might be Alex from the first season of Below Deck. Isn't he a captain on a yacht? It is probably a coincidence, but I know how Bravo shows like to intermingle.

 

 

  • Love 4
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^ Not a coincidence ... Same guy!

I am not surprised. Even though I wasn't a fan of Alex, he did look like he cared about hygiene. Maybe he likes women who look like they do not wash their hair. Jax and Kristen both look like they need to shower more. Jax in particular looks so greasy.

 

The good news is for Alex that when he and Kristen break it off he can be on a boat in the middle of an ocean, so maybe she will not go all psycho stalker on him like she did for FI Tom.

  • Love 1
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I thought it was hilarious that Sandoval was all like "I'm the better speaker, let me take the lead." I thought Schwartz actually sounded better than Sandoval during the meeting.

Edited by Elizabeth
  • Love 4
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I am not surprised. Even though I wasn't a fan of Alex, he did look like he cared about hygiene. Maybe he likes women who look like they do not wash their hair. Jax and Kristen both look like they need to shower more. Jax in particular looks so greasy.

The good news is for Alex that when he and Kristen break it off he can be on a boat in the middle of an ocean, so maybe she will not go all psycho stalker on him like she did for FI Tom.

Going by Bravo tropes, she might just get a job as a stew on his yacht and dive off the moment things get to be too much for her!

  • Love 3
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But as I recall, for the past two Seasons, she's been the "cool" girlfriend. And sold herself as not the jealous, clingy type... Way too mature and above that type..(a la the anti- Kristen). So, it just seems hypocritical now for her, (the cool girlfriend) to suddenly be portrayed as jealous. And then whining about it being the day after her birthday! God, shut up and take a seat!

 

That's why I find it funny too. She and FI both talked about how "understanding" she was and so unlike his previous girlfriend, Kristen. They have such a healthy relationship. Ick. Blah. And then talking about how the trip is happening the day after her birthday? If the trip happened on her birthday and Tom was all, "yeah I'm in, let's go!" that's something, but it's.. not, so do the "adulting" thing you and your boyfriend talk about and just deal with it. Yeah I know it's FI Tom and stuff, but seriously? You sound like a child. Maybe she really is Amazing Amy you guys and now her psycho side is finally coming out. Hey, as Amy said we can only be the "cool girl" for so long.

  • Love 4
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My God this shiz is so damn boring without Stassi. Its gone from one of my cant-miss favorite guilty pleasures to meh-i will watch if I'm in the room.

However-how have I never noticed that Pandora's husband is the hottest dude on this show?!

Edited by I8A 4RE
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Loved the look Sandoval shot Jax as James walked away from their conversation at the SUR bar. Those meticulously waxed eyebrows can dish out some wonderful expressions!

I think the Toms working as "brand ambassadors" is... Well, I won't say "brilliant," but... A not-bad idea. They could demo cocktails and pose in front of step-and-repeats with the fans. I'd go see that for kicks. Hashtag SURgria!

But OH NO... There's trouble in paradise as Sandoval TOTALLY fails to consult Ariana on the ins and outs of lemonade! Maybe he's not ready to be a brand ambassador after all.

I was skeptical about the whole "teen dinner" thing but it ended up kind of sweet.

And back to Ariana. She's not mad because Peter's trip is "heteronormative." She's nervous because of Sandoval and his propensity for sketchy behaviors on trips.

I can't believe these people are in their 30s. Their behavior makes me forget until they mention it.

 

Oy, Sandoval & those eyebrows.  Man, I gaze at those manicured things above his eyes & just think -- how much time does he spend plucking those fuckers?  Or does he go to one of those eyebrow places -- like every week?  Yikes!

 

The chucklefuck-Toms ONLY said they'd be "brand ambassadors" and, er, that was about it.  Yup, that was all their combined teensy-weensy brain power could come up with.  But you, on other hand, came up with a very good idea -- to "demo cocktails and pose in front of step-and-repeats with the fans".  The Toms NEVER said anything like this.  I like this idea, BUT I'd never in a zillion years trust EITHER of those 2 irresponsible chucklefucks to show up anywhere.

 

Now, I'll add to your good idea & suggest they do vids to promote the sangria -- and place these vids strategically where fans of the show would see them.  This way they'd only have to depend on the chucklefucks to show up to make the vids.  Ugh, that would be hard enough, given Schwartz's possible meltdowns/freakouts.  Anyhoo, is it any surprise we came up with better ideas than those 2 lazy idiots could?

 

Is it me, or is Ariana dull as all fuck -- and totally ready to bolt away from Sandoval?

 

OK, so we're supposed to believe Jax & Kristen are all of a sudden best buds?  Huh?  Who wrote this bullshit?  Satan Andy?  Lisa?  The other scuzzy producers?   Eh, it makes absolutely no sense, but I don't care.  Actually, it's fine with me cuz I like Kristen still sticking around.  So how will they write the now completely forgotten & totally irrelevant Stassi back in?  Still waiting for that one.

Edited by ScoobieDoobs
  • Love 2
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The chucklefuck-Toms ONLY said they'd be "brand ambassadors" and, er, that was about it. Yup, that was all their combined teensy-weensy brain power could come up with. But you, on other hand, came up with a very good idea -- to "demo cocktails and pose in front of step-and-repeats with the fans". The Toms NEVER said anything like this. I like this idea, BUT I'd never in a zillion years trust EITHER of those 2 irresponsible chucklefucks to show up anywhere.

Now, I'll add to your good idea & suggest they do vids to promote the sangria -- and place these vids strategically where fans of the show would see them. This way they'd only have to depend on the chucklefucks to show up to make the vids. Ugh, that would be hard enough, given Schwartz's possible meltdowns/freakouts. Anyhoo, is it any surprise we came up with better ideas than those 2 lazy idiots could?

First off--thanks!

And yeah I like the video idea! Don't these people spend all their waking hours on Instagram and Twitter? They can make super short video clips and share them on "social media." That shouldn't require too much commitment, even for people who are too nervous about making plans (aka working) in the likely event of birthdays, road trips, parties, weekends, weekdays, and lunar eclipses.

  • Love 3
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I think Stassi truly hated the people on this show and wanted out when she realized the media attention wouldn't catapult her modeling career and provide acting roles (she is weird looking and stuck up) she left the embarrassment hell hole, settling for marrying a rich man instead (good choice I say). The chin implant and realty show exposure didn't do anything for getting real jobs. Plus, I think she was disgusted by Jax and Scheana and didn't want to be associated with them. 

 

Kirsten and James I think do some substances together, party drugs at least. When Kristin tells him he is on a path downward, I think she is referring to his drug use. I think James is taking Molly-- it's relatively cheap, a social party drug, and keeps people slim-- frequent users are often just as thin if not thinner than James. I would say he's rolling, but I'm not a drug user, so it's just intuition based on the way he looks and acts. 

 

James looks like an elf-- maybe he thinks being skinny will accentuate his bone structure (which is will) but it will also make that ugly dent in his chin more pronounced. 

  • Love 1
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