Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[MargeGunderson]

I had a very good bagger at Target the other day, meaning he packed things just like I would. I worked at Trader Joe’s many, many years ago and learned valuable packing skills there. 

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, WinnieWinkle said:

What bugs me is when I say "use as many bags as it takes" and they still put everything into one bag.  Hey I know I don't look like the richest woman in the world but trust me I can splurge an extra nickel or two for more bags at a grocery checkout!

I do self-checking whenever possible for this reason, but if I must go through a line with a bagger I will either

• very specifically say: Please do not put all of those (3 half gallon containers) in one bag.

Or:

• rebag them myself as I put them in the car

Maybe because I look as frail as I am, most baggers don’t make them too heavy for me anymore. 
But some do. I imagine these are also people who don’t do their own laundry either. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by shapeshifter

[isalicat]

2 hours ago, Bastet said:

My spouse related pet peeve is that he has closure issues.  By which I mean he cannot shut a cupboard, a drawer or a door to save his life.

Is this a guy thing? (As in, anyone out there know of a woman who does this as well?) My late husband and I had our first really big fight after he moved in with me and I discovered he seemed to be incapable of remembering to close the kitchen cabinet doors and I would then bump my head on the edge of an open cabinet door (the ones above, obviously). He was very contrite but simply never could retrain himself to do this and I got so mad one day I gathered up all his clothes and threw them out of the front door. Clearly I forgave him but he never (in over 40 years of marriage!) completely remembered to just shut the damn door/drawer/whatever.

[shapeshifter]

 

9 minutes ago, isalicat said:

Is this a guy thing? (As in, anyone out there know of a woman who does this as well?) My late husband and I had our first really big fight after he moved in with me and I discovered he seemed to be incapable of remembering to close the kitchen cabinet doors and I would then bump my head on the edge of an open cabinet door (the ones above, obviously). He was very contrite but simply never could retrain himself to do this and I got so mad one day I gathered up all his clothes and threw them out of the front door. Clearly I forgave him but he never (in over 40 years of marriage!) completely remembered to just shut the damn door/drawer/whatever.

I did the cupboard not-closing thing after my 3rd baby was born. I only remember it because when my mom came to visit it drove her nuts. But I outgrew it --probably from hitting my head on the open cupboard door.

[ginger90]

13 minutes ago, isalicat said:

Is this a guy thing? (As in, anyone out there know of a woman who does this as well?) My late husband and I had our first really big fight after he moved in with me and I discovered he seemed to be incapable of remembering to close the kitchen cabinet doors and I would then bump my head on the edge of an open cabinet door (the ones above, obviously). He was very contrite but simply never could retrain himself to do this and I got so mad one day I gathered up all his clothes and threw them out of the front door. Clearly I forgave him but he never (in over 40 years of marriage!) completely remembered to just shut the damn door/drawer/whatever.

I call this laststepitis, and diagnosed one of my daughters with it years ago. 😁

[WinnieWinkle]

Another household related pet peeve - people I am related to who put knives in the sink - when it is filled with dishes and soapy dish water.  An accident just waiting to happen! 

Edited July 19, 2021 by WinnieWinkle

[TattleTeeny]

I have an OCD-related peeve (not directed at anyone here!)—when people assume it’s only about neatness. Neatness is not really the issue (and not the hard part).

And a spouse peeve too—when mine assumes I’m being bossy or controlling for wanting things to be put away where they “go.” The obvious reason is so that we can find it again. And if he’d let go of this bossy business sometimes, he’d know that I almost always have a reason for why things are where they are; those reasons are not OCD related, but often because I’m 5’4”, haha!

Edited July 18, 2021 by TattleTeeny

[WinnieWinkle]

8 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

And a spouse peeve too—when mine assumes I’m being bossy or controlling for wanting things to be put away where they “go.” The obvious reason is so that we can find it again. And if he’d let go of this bossy business sometimes, he’d know that I almost always have a reason for why things are where they are; those reasons are not OCD related, but often because I’m 5’4”, haha!

For me I want things to have a place they always go because I grew up in a house where I could never find the scissors, or the scotch tape, or the TV Guide.  Whatever I was looking for was never, ever, where anyone would expect it to be.  I figured there may not be a ton of compensations to getting older but one of them is sure going to be being able to put my hand on the scissors when I need them and not having to search the entire house for them!

[annzeepark914]

41 minutes ago, isalicat said:

Is this a guy thing? (As in, anyone out there know of a woman who does this as well?) 

I do this and it drives MrP914 nuts. But I only do this when I'm preparing dinner. I don't have time to keep opening & shutting the pantry door but I'll do it once I'm finished using several pantry items. Also the refrigerator door (I don't leave the fridge open for long, but when I'm getting stuff out while cooking, I tend to leave it open for a few minutes). 

[SuprSuprElevated]

10 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

You have to watch them like a hawk, along with the grocery bag packers.   I don't like my dry goods, pasta, rice, etc,, anywhere near the frozen, cold, damp, items.  Plus, cookies and chips need to be packed on top of the bags.  We all know cookies and chips are part of the four basic food groups.

The grocery store has become my ground zero for horrid customer service, horrid staff training, and well just a horrid shopping experience in general.  This has nothing whatever to do with Covid, as these things were in place well before.

Our (formerly local, now regional conglomerate) grocery store used to have exemplary service and very well-trained staff, but apparently that costs a couple hundred bucks, so nah.  Um, no kiddo, I wouldn't like to have all 5 jars of pasta sauce, or all 8 bottles of ice tea dropped into the same 5lb test plastic bag.  (Yeah, we still have those).  You know kid, sometimes you have to be smarter than your hair.

 

[ratgirlagogo]

10 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

What drives me nuts is when the put all the heavy shit in the same bag. Cans, jugs of milk and juice. I can't even lift them. I beg the kids not to do it but hey still do it anyway.

OMG yes. The crazy thing about it happening where I live is that basically nobody is shopping with a car.  Very few of the supermarkets in NYC even have parking lots for this reason, certainly none of the four that I normally go to that are all about six blocks from the apartment. Everybody is carrying their own bags home by hand and walking (perhaps taking the bus or subway - and in the case of the subway walking up and down a couple of flights of stairs with the bags).  Yet, if I don't jump up and start packing my own bags some of the kids will do this.  Why? 

Edited July 19, 2021 by ratgirlagogo

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, ratgirlagogo said:

OMG yes. The crazy thing about it happening where I live is that basically nobody is shopping with a car.  Very few of the supermarkets in NYC even have parking lots for this reason, certainly none of the four that I normally go to that are all about six blocks from the apartment. Everybody is carrying their own bags home by hand and walking (perhaps taking the bus or subway - and in the case of the subway walking up and down a couple of flights of stairs with the bags).  Yet, if I don't jump up and start packing my own bags some of the kids will do this.  Why? 

Well, it’s either a passive-aggressive move to get you to “pack your own damn bags” or…? IDK. Maybe they’re too high to open more bags?

Edited July 19, 2021 by shapeshifter

[Katy M]

4 hours ago, ratgirlagogo said:

OMG yes. The crazy thing about it happening where I live is that basically nobody is shopping with a car.  Very few of the supermarkets in NYC even have parking lots for this reason, certainly none of the four that I normally go to that are all about six blocks from the apartment. Everybody is carrying their own bags home by hand and walking (perhaps taking the bus or subway - and in the case of the subway walking up and down a couple of flights of stairs with the bags).  Yet, if I don't jump up and start packing my own bags some of the kids will do this.  Why? 

I hate to ask a stupid question, but if you're carrying all the bags at the same time, won't they weigh the same amount regardless of how many bags they are in?

[shapeshifter]

47 minutes ago, Katy M said:

I hate to ask a stupid question, but if you're carrying all the bags at the same time, won't they weigh the same amount regardless of how many bags they are in?

Yes, but the distance to the kitchen is inversely proportional to the likelihood of the bags breaking, with the weight of the contents of each bag being the deciding factor as to whether or not your groceries will burst the bag and wind up in the gutter (or neighbor’s pet poop, etc.).

A sharp or pokey item can be problematic too (sometimes just a banana stem or a cracker box) but then the total weight of the bag really makes a difference. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by shapeshifter

[Hangin Out]

On 7/13/2021 at 12:12 PM, peacheslatour said:

We weren't that patient but there wasn't anything we could do about it. One time though, when they were home, with their balcony doors open, I put my drummer husband's giant stage speakers in the window facing their house and blasted Communication Breakdown on a loop for about an hour. Full volume, of course.

One question.  Did that work?  Did they quiet down?  (Two questions) lol.

[Mondrianyone]

2 hours ago, Katy M said:

I hate to ask a stupid question, but if you're carrying all the bags at the same time, won't they weigh the same amount regardless of how many bags they are in?

It's the uneven weight distribution that kills you. If you sprinkle the heaviest stuff around among all the bags, it's easier to deal with than having it all in just one bag that weighs as much as a Buick.

[SuprSuprElevated]

7 hours ago, ratgirlagogo said:

Yet, if I don't jump up and start packing my own bags some of the kids will do this.  Why? 

They're not old enough (in most cases) to have fully cooked brains, so they have to be trained by someone who has the sense to come in from the rain.  I have found that in general, retailers of all varieties are not training personnel.  Yes, I know it's expensive to do it, and yes, I know that employee turnover is high and that sucks, but you know what sucks worse?  Having your customers start shopping elsewhere.

Here's a pet peeve - seeing an endless stream of posts on various social and mainstream media telling me that I just need to be patient and kind with every single person working in every single job because .. reasons.  How about the customer who is under the same stresses and hardships because .. reasons, how about the customer gets treated with a little respect and consideration as well.

-End of rant-

[Hangin Out]

26 minutes ago, Mondrianyone said:

It's the uneven weight distribution that kills you. If you sprinkle the heaviest stuff around among all the bags, it's easier to deal with than having it all in just one bag that weighs as much as a Buick.

I bought a grocery wagon to cart the bags from the car to our condo down the path and eight steps to the condo.  Husband refuses to use it.  Too macho.

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, Hangin Out said:

One question.  Did that work?  Did they quiet down?  (Two questions) lol.

Yeah, for about three days. She wasn't too bad but he was awful. Big meaty creep who had a Harley he never rode, he just sat in the driveway revving it as loud as he could for half an hour at a time. We could never figure it out because she was very attractive and she owned the house. We looked it up on the county website.

Edited July 19, 2021 by peacheslatour

[WinnieWinkle]

40 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

How about the customer who is under the same stresses and hardships because .. reasons, how about the customer gets treated with a little respect and consideration as well

Courtesy is definitely a two way street.  But that said I've witnessed a lot more customers being incredibly rude and dismissive to servers in restaurants and store employees than paid employees being rude.  Working in a public library i was also on the receiving end of some verbal abuse that would surprise anyone who thinks working in a library is a nice quiet job.  The self absorbed entitled nasties seemed to forget that a library employee doesn't have to take crap the way a cashier does.  They'd threaten to leave and never come back and we'd respond "yes, not a problem." 😊

[TattleTeeny]

Hahahhaaa—“meaty creep”!

[Hangin Out]

13 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

Courtesy is definitely a two way street.  But that said I've witnessed a lot more customers being incredibly rude and dismissive to servers in restaurants and store employees than paid employees being rude.  Working in a public library i was also on the receiving end of some verbal abuse that would surprise anyone who thinks working in a library is a nice quiet job.  The self absorbed entitled nasties seemed to forget that a library employee doesn't have to take crap the way a cashier does.  They'd threaten to leave and never come back and we'd respond "yes, not a problem." 😊

I always feel sorry for the high school and college kids in the drive thru places like McDonalds, etc.  people yell at themfor no reason.  I could never work there.  I would screw everything up.

 

 

 

[MargeGunderson]

18 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

Courtesy is definitely a two way street.  But that said I've witnessed a lot more customers being incredibly rude and dismissive to servers in restaurants and store employees than paid employees being rude.  Working in a public library i was also on the receiving end of some verbal abuse that would surprise anyone who thinks working in a library is a nice quiet job.  The self absorbed entitled nasties seemed to forget that a library employee doesn't have to take crap the way a cashier does.  They'd threaten to leave and never come back and we'd respond "yes, not a problem." 😊

I worked at the circulation desk of a library when I was in library school and that was very eye opening. My favorite (not sure that’s the right word) interaction was the student who was babysitting 2 young girls and brought them to the library to stay while she went to class. She stopped by the desk to tell me to keep an eye on them and not let them leave. When I told her she could not leave the kids unsupervised she had a loud conniption fit, complete with creative profanity. She was later expelled because apparently she behaved this way regularly. 

Edited July 19, 2021 by MargeGunderson

[Ohiopirate02]

55 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

Courtesy is definitely a two way street.  But that said I've witnessed a lot more customers being incredibly rude and dismissive to servers in restaurants and store employees than paid employees being rude.  Working in a public library i was also on the receiving end of some verbal abuse that would surprise anyone who thinks working in a library is a nice quiet job.  The self absorbed entitled nasties seemed to forget that a library employee doesn't have to take crap the way a cashier does.  They'd threaten to leave and never come back and we'd respond "yes, not a problem." 😊

As another public librarian who also used to work in pharmacy, people only see you as their servant.  And this includes pharmacists, a profession where many have a doctorate.  For some, if you work a public facing job, you are nothing.  I remember one time a lawyer wanted to get into it and play the semantics game with us.  It was a bit fun because the bitch did not realize the entire staff working that day had at a minimum a bachelor's degree.  It was me, a graduate student in the local pharmacy program and the pharmacist.  She was not happy to see that we could actually formulate our position and defend it.  She assumed that she, a lawyer, could argue her way into us doing what she wanted because we worked retail and must have barely passed high school.  The kicker was she dropped off her prescriptions and told us she would be back tomorrow but then decided to wait in the store.  So no, bitch, your prescription was not ready in 20 because you told us you would be back tomorrow.  You have to communicate that you changed your mind, not insinuate we were too stupid to understand what you said.  

[SuprSuprElevated]

I too have been on both sides (of the counter), and agree that patrons can be very rude and nasty.  I'm not forgiving bad behavior by anyone, and I just feel that all people in all places can do better.  Just don't keep preaching to me about the trevails of a singular group, when all have crosses to bear.

[TattleTeeny]

I worked in a Barnes & Noble (one of the big, then-new superstores with a cafe) for a long time when I was young. I could totally write a book about the obnoxious, inappropriate, and insane customers. Run-of-the-mill rudeness was a good day there, haha! I do not know what about that place inspired such craziness.

Edited July 19, 2021 by TattleTeeny

[peacheslatour]

24 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

I worked in a Barnes & Noble (one of the big, then-new superstores with a cafe) for a long time when I was young. I could totally write a book about the obnoxious, inappropriate, and insane customers. Run-of-the-mill rudeness was a good day there, haha! I do not know what about that place inspired such craziness.

That word. OMG, the number of men I had to smile at, be nice to and pretend I didn't just want to just slap their stupid faces. Men who flirt with and/or say outrageous, degrading, sexualizing things to women trapped in behind the counter or because "the customer is always right" or because "it's a compliment!" It was horrible and dehumainzing.

[TattleTeeny]

YUP. And that place totally encouraged -- or at least accepted -- it in somewhat subtle ways. (I'll attribute that to "different times"; I cannot imagine that the few B&Ns we have left around here would tolerate some of that shit.)

Edited July 19, 2021 by TattleTeeny

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

I too have been on both sides (of the counter), and agree that patrons can be very rude and nasty.  I'm not forgiving bad behavior by anyone, and I just feel that all people in all places can do better.  Just don't keep preaching to me about the trevails of a singular group, when all have crosses to bear.

Given my really low tolerance level for thoughtless people like dog owners who, IMO, shouldn't even have cats, and the non-violent ex-husband who turned me off relationships for the rest of my life (30+ years so far), it will probably be shocking to read here that in the 3 academic libraries in which I worked for 26 years, I was the one all my coworkers relied on to deal with Difficult Patrons (that is a real term). The other staff members marveled at my ability to tame these seemingly wild beasts and possessed creatures, sending them off in much better moods. I believe this magical ability of mine is a result of my own inner demons always simmering just below my sunny surface, which allows me to relate to the worst of the worst, and also means I have my tool kit of self-talk always holstered for use, which could easily be flipped when needed to dispel the monster mirrored in front of me on the other side of the reference desk.

[peacheslatour]

33 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

YUP. And that place totally encouraged -- or at least accepted -- it in somewhat subtle ways. (I'll attribute that to "different times"; I cannot imagine that the few B&Ns we have left around here would tolerate some of that shit.)

I think restaurant management are the worst examples of this crap but a lot of corporations just don't care.

[TattleTeeny]

2 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

I think restaurant management are the worst examples of this crap but a lot of corporations just don't care.

Agree. And I had the fun of waiting tables at night after my 8-hour B&N shifts back then! Oy. (Sometimes, though, I do kind of miss those jobs after sitting at a desk all week.)

[peacheslatour]

7 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

Agree. And I had the fun of waiting tables at night after my 8-hour B&N shifts back then! Oy. (Sometimes, though, I do kind of miss those jobs after sitting at a desk all week.)

Yeah, when I moved into office work, I really started having to watch what I eat. Plus sitting on 'roids all day can kill ya!

[MargeGunderson]

One summer between graduate schools I worked 35 hours a week at a law firm, and 35 hours a week at Trader Joe’s, basically 8am until midnight 4 days week, 8-5 on Fridays, and one 8 hour shift on the weekends. It was a toss up between who was worse, the lawyers or the Trader Joe’s customers. (But I loved working at Trader Joe’s, it was often fun and my co workers were awesome.)

[SoMuchTV]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

Given my really low tolerance level for thoughtless people like dog owners who, IMO, shouldn't even have cats, ...

On behalf of my cats, may I just say, "Hey!  I'm right here!"

[Bastet]

I'm hardly ever treated rudely by a server, cashier, etc. or see someone else treated rudely by one, but I frequently witness them being treated that way by customers.  Of course transgressions occur on both sides of the counter, but it's far more common for customers to be inappropriate.

People have such a dismissive attitude towards the "peons" in these jobs that any perceived "slight" (a store policy they don't like, an item not being available, etc.) leaves them feeling entitled to turn downright disdainful towards them.  I spend a lot of time talking to managers, not to complain about service I received, but to state the customer was at fault and the employee responded appropriately.  Because, a lot of times, the managers are just as bad as the customers, and the last thing anyone working retail needs after dealing with an asshole customer is getting in trouble with the even bigger asshole who has power over them.

Edited July 19, 2021 by Bastet

[WinnieWinkle]

18 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I spend a lot of time talking to managers, not to complain about service I received, but to state the customer was at fault and the employee responded appropriately.  Because, a lot of times, the managers are just as bad as the customers, and the last thing anyone working retail needs after dealing with an asshole customer is getting in trouble with the even bigger asshole who has power over them.

I've never done that (but I like the idea) but I have definitely spoken up either on behalf of an employee or to the employee afterwards to let them know I witnessed the incident and they did nothing wrong.  Too many times it's one crappy incident with a customer that is going to ruin someone's day.  

It's human nature - and to bring this to the topic of pet peeves : a pet peeve of mine is how I can let one crappy news story or one crappy interaction with a nasty person completely colour my day.  I wish I could shrug stuff off more easily.

Edited July 19, 2021 by WinnieWinkle

[Annber03]

6 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I spend a lot of time talking to managers, not to complain about service I received, but to state the customer was at fault and the employee responded appropriately.  Because, a lot of times, the managers are just as bad as the customers, and the last thing anyone working retail needs after dealing with an asshole customer is getting in trouble with the even bigger asshole who has power over them.

I appreciate that you do things like that. I've been lucky in that in the jobs I've had, the manager's backed up the employees, but my mom worked retail, too, and she had a few managers over the years who used to take jerk customers' side in disputes over the employee's and bend the rules and store policies for them even when they really shouldn't have. She said it was always so infuriating and embarrassing, because then the customer would get this smug look like, "See, I'm right!" when they really weren't, and it would also give the customer the impression that the employees were idiots who didn't know what they were doing.

And it also gave customers the idea that if they act like big enough jerks, they can intimidate workers into doing what they want and getting their way*. They're being rewarded for bad behavior when they should be tossed out of the store. But the managers would rather placate them than have to risk some kind of big hassle and lose a customer, no matter how rude they were. It's frustrating. 

*I remember a customer trying to pull that "intimidation" thing once when I worked at a bookstore. This woman had come in wanting to return an item, but she didn't have a receipt or it was well past the time she could return the item or something of that sort, and my co-worker and I tried to explain this to her. Of course, she argued, but we stood firm, and finally, she left.

A few minutes later, she comes back in with her husband in tow, as if his presence would somehow make us change our minds or something. It didn't. 

[theredhead77]

I rarely complain and I won't fill out a survey if I can't truthfully leave good marks. I frequently compliment, either in person, via survey or via a contact us form. The customer is not always right and kindness goes a long, long way. I think everyone should have to work in retail or restaurant, an in-person customer facing job for at least a year. But my customer service peeve are companies that require their call centers to use scripts. It drives me fucking bananas and adds so much time to the call. 

[shapeshifter]

33 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

But my customer service peeve are companies that require their call centers to use scripts. It drives me fucking bananas and adds so much time to the call. 

It's driving the employees nuts too. A family member is very frustrated at being unable to get emergency assistance to callers in a timely manner because management recently went to scripts to prevent law suits and insurance claims. Scripts should be used for training and guidance, not to second-guess or supplant the professional's response.

 

4 hours ago, SoMuchTV said:

6 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Given my really low tolerance level for thoughtless people like dog owners who, IMO, shouldn't even have cats, 

On behalf of my cats, may I just say, "Hey!  I'm right here!"

Sorry Taffy, Casper, Catterpaws, and Jack. I just meant that cats don't need to be trained not to attack people on the beach.
Although, now that I've typed that, many years ago I temporarily cared for a cat whose people had moved 30 miles away and somehow he came home; he used to lay in wait to bite my ankles while I worked in the kitchen. Turned out his name was Laser Beam.

 

[Hangin Out]

8 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

That word. OMG, the number of men I had to smile at, be nice to and pretend I didn't just want to just slap their stupid faces. Men who flirt with and/or say outrageous, degrading, sexualizing things to women trapped in behind the counter or because "the customer is always right" or because "it's a compliment!" It was horrible and dehumainzing.

[Hangin Out]

14 minutes ago, Hangin Out said:

8 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

That word. OMG, the number of men I had to smile at, be nice to and pretend I didn't just want to just slap their stupid faces. Men who flirt with and/or say outrageous, degrading, sexualizing things to women trapped in behind the counter or because "the customer is always right" or because "it's a compliment!" It was horrible and 

Running out of steam.  Need a charge.

Edited July 20, 2021 by Hangin Out

[RealHousewife]

I've probably said it before, but women who do that fake baby or wannabe Disney princess voice. It's not sexy; it's not easy on the ears, make it stop! 

[Katy M]

7 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I've probably said it before, but women who do that fake baby or wannabe Disney princess voice. It's not sexy; it's not easy on the ears, make it stop! 

Gosh yes.  I had a supervisor that talked like that.  You're my boss.  Speak like an adult!!!!!  I actually find it annoying when people talk baby talk to actual babies, but I'll be the bigger person and let that pass:)  

[BookWoman56]

On 7/18/2021 at 4:36 PM, Quof said:

I have posted, probably many times, about my childhood as the unpaid housekeeper in the family home, while my brother The Golden One had no chores whatsoever.   He was prone to throwing his dirty laundry toward the hamper, rather than walking over and opening the lid.  Finally, in a moment of rebellion, I announced I was not going to pick his dirty laundry off the floor, and the least he could do was put it in the proper place.  That lasted about a day, before I was told in forceful (yeah, physical force) terms that I would indeed pick up his dirty laundry, along with unrolling the sleeves, unballing the socks and emptying the pockets.   Cuz boys don't do that stuff, that's women's work. 

This mindset is undoubtedly responsible for all the relationship advice posts on Reddit that boil down to, “My boyfriend and I are both mid- to late 20s and both have full-time jobs. We moved in together a year ago, and he refuses to do any household chores other than taking out the trash. He spends his evenings and weekends gaming, while I handle cooking, cleaning, and so forth. His parents reinforce this behavior by telling me that he deserves to relax after work, and that housework is the woman’s responsibility. What should I do?” 
 

My favorite answer so far: Pack up his clothes and belongings, and drop him and his stuff at his parents’ house. Inform them they have failed to raise a functioning adult and need to start over. 

[MargeGunderson]

1 hour ago, BookWoman56 said:

This mindset is undoubtedly responsible for all the relationship advice posts on Reddit that boil down to, “My boyfriend and I are both mid- to late 20s and both have full-time jobs. We moved in together a year ago, and he refuses to do any household chores other than taking out the trash. He spends his evenings and weekends gaming, while I handle cooking, cleaning, and so forth. His parents reinforce this behavior by telling me that he deserves to relax after work, and that housework is the woman’s responsibility. What should I do?” 
 

My favorite answer so far: Pack up his clothes and belongings, and drop him and his stuff at his parents’ house. Inform them they have failed to raise a functioning adult and need to start over. 

I’d be tempted to add that the parents clearly failed to raise a male child capable of providing 100% for his family without his wife working, so he’s their problem.

My own mother once asked me why my husband was ironing his own shirt and I replied because he’s the one wearing it. It’s not like she ironed my stepfather’s clothes for him so I was really surprised by her comment. She also advised me not to ask my husband to do something fairly trivial (think put the milk back in the fridge) because he would resent me for nagging him (apparently me resenting him for not putting the milk back for the next 50 years was a cross I should bear quietly) I wondered who replaced my mother with this Stepford Wife. She is a perfect example of Midwest passive aggressive though, so I guess it’s not surprising. I come from long and proud line of passive aggressive practitioners, and they really hate it when I call them out on it and/or completely ignore their attempts to use it to get something from me. 

[Shelbie]

My mother once said to me that is was wonderful that my husband was vacuuming. My response back to her was that I had made dinner the night before. 
She looked confused at the response so I told her that if he deserved praise for doing ordinary things around the house so did I. She never said anything that like again.

[Lya167]

2 hours ago, Katy M said:

Gosh yes.  I had a supervisor that talked like that.  You're my boss.  Speak like an adult!!!!!  I actually find it annoying when people talk baby talk to actual babies, but I'll be the bigger person and let that pass:)  

Same. There's this scene in the 2004 movie 'Meet the Fockers'', where Robert de Niro's characters has quite the frowned face when his future son-in-law Greg (played by Ben Stiller) starts talking to his 2 year-old grandson with that silly baby talk and he goes: "Greg, Greg, Greg, don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult!" It never gets old.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, BookWoman56 said:

This mindset is undoubtedly responsible for all the relationship advice posts on Reddit that boil down to, “My boyfriend and I re both mid- to late 20s and both have full-time jobs. We moved in together a year ago, and he refuses to do any household chores other than taking out the trash. He spends his evenings and weekends gaming, while I handle cooking, cleaning, and so forth. His parents reinforce this behavior by telling me that he deserves to relax after work, and that housework is the woman’s responsibility. What should I do?” 

My favorite answer so far: Pack up his clothes and belongings, and drop him and his stuff at his parents’ house. Inform them they have failed to raise a functioning adult and need to start over. 

Because I love a good social experiment, I'd first want the employed woman in the relationship to drop just the laundry off at the partner's parent's house with a cheerful: "Since I just got off work and I'm too tired to do your son's laundry, I knew you'd be glad to do it. You can drop it off after you're done."

And would this be an example of Positive Passive Aggression? Or is there a better term for it?

Edited July 20, 2021 by shapeshifter

[peacheslatour]

4 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Because I love a good social experiment, I'd first want the employed woman in the relationship to drop just the laundry off at the partner's parent's house with a cheerful: "Since I just got off work and I'm too tired to do your son's laundry, I knew you'd be glad to do it. You can drop it off after you're done."

And would this be an example of Positive Passive Aggression? Or is there a better term for it?

When we were first married our little house had no laundry facilities so my MIL would pick up our clothes and do our laundry every week. Then when my job was closer to my parents house my mom did the same thing. After a year of this, we could finally afford a washer and dyer. Whew. Thanks ladies. Of course they were both retired and my dad and my FIL still worked but I know my dad would have done it too because when I was growing up, my dad had no problem doing any housework that needed doing . Not so much my FIL.

[TattleTeeny]

56 minutes ago, Shelbie said:

My mother once said to me that is was wonderful that my husband was vacuuming. My response back to her was that I had made dinner the night before. 
She looked confused at the response so I told her that if he deserved praise for doing ordinary things around the house so did I. She never said anything that like again.

Almost this same conversation happened with my BF's stepfather! My BF mentioned that he'd vacuumed and his stepfather was baffled. Meanwhile, I am the "breadwinner" and also do most of the housework; to his credit, my BF said that.