Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Nysha]

@Leeds, I'm so sorry. That is a lot to have to process when you can't physically be there. Sending warm and healing thoughts your way.

[Leeds]

7 minutes ago, jcbrown said:

I'm so sorry @Leeds. Everything is so much harder right now.

I lost a friend a week and a half ago who I'd known since about 1980 and all we could do was watch the memorial service livestream. 

I'm so sorry.  For me, I think watching the funeral via Zoom was even worse than attending because I felt so alone, even if I would have had to be socially distanced at the actual service.

These times are so different than anything most of have experienced before.  I think we're all having to come up with new, almost constant, long-term coping mechanisms.

[SunnyBeBe]

Happy Belated Birthday Mindthinkr.  I hope you had some bright moments on your special day and some more throughout this week.  🎂🥳🌹

[Love2dance]

I am so sorry @Leeds for what you and your friends are going through. It is especially hard since we can’t hug those who need our comfort. Sending comforting thoughts to you. 

[QuinnInND]

So I told my husband to read the letter from my mother. He said it pretty much said what we thought. Lots of I'm sorrys and please forgive me and I still and have always loved you, and it broke my heart when you left... Blah blah blah. Ugh. I told him to fold it back up and put it back. I was annoyed enough with his description to not want to read it. At least not now.  Bunch of bullshit. How can I possibly get past my anger and hatred of her? I'd love to give her a piece of my mind though.  

[Love2dance]

So sorry for your loss, @jcbrown. Sending you hugs and comfort, too.

[NotthebadVictoria]

17 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

 How can I possibly get past my anger and hatred of her? I'd love to give her a piece of my mind though.  

IMO: you don’t have to get past it, she wants you to for her sake, not yours. She wants to feel better about what she did/allowed to happen to you, and you don’t owe her a damn thing. Your mother is supposed to protect you, she did not. And as far as I’m concerned giving her a piece of your mind is absolutely deserved, but silence probably hurts more. 

[doodlebug]

25 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

So I told my husband to read the letter from my mother. He said it pretty much said what we thought. Lots of I'm sorrys and please forgive me and I still and have always loved you, and it broke my heart when you left... Blah blah blah. Ugh. I told him to fold it back up and put it back. I was annoyed enough with his description to not want to read it. At least not now.  Bunch of bullshit. How can I possibly get past my anger and hatred of her? I'd love to give her a piece of my mind though.  

You owe your mother nothing, but you owe yourself peace of mind and mental health.  If you decide to allow her back into your life and forgive her (forgetting is out of the question, IMO); do it because it makes you feel better, because it is something that you want for yourself.  If letting her back into your life, in even a limited way, isn't going to help you achieve closure (what a bullshit word and concept, BTW!); then walk away.  Don't do it to make her feel better, she doesn't deserve it.  Do it for yourself because you deserve i to feel better and a whole lot more.

In this situation, you get to be completely selfish and you should only reach out if you think it would be beneficial to you.  If there's nothing in it for you but more misery; then, there's your answer/

Edited February 24, 2021 by doodlebug

[QuinnInND]

5 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

You owe your mother nothing, but you owe yourself peace of mind and mental health.  If you decide to allow her back into your life and forgive her (forgetting is out of the question, IMO); do it because it makes you feel better, because it is something that you want for yourself.  If letting her back into your life, in even a limited way, isn't going to help you achieve closure (what a bullshit word and concept, BTW!); then walk away.  Don't do it to make her feel better, she doesn't deserve it.  Do it for yourself because you deserve i to feel better and a whole lot more.

In this situation, you get to be completely selfish and you should only reach out if you think it would be beneficial to you.  If there's nothing in it for you but more misery; then, there's your answer/

I couldn't let her back in my life at all. No way. What she did and allowed to happen to me was unforgivable. But I'd love to vent at her.  Give her a piece of my mind. Get it all out. Probably not good for me either. But that's what I want. And the whole story about my bio dad. I want her to name him and give me the facts. Without any bullshit. But she's never getting back in my life. That ship sailed when I left home in 1997. 

[SunnyBeBe]

Leeds, I’m sorry to read about the loss of your friend’s father and your dear friend’s illness.  It’s heartbreaking to know our loved ones are in such pain.  I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way and including you and yours in my prayers.  Prayer has been invaluable for me since covid.  I hope you will find some solace from the support of family, friends and places like this.   

[SunnyBeBe]

JCBrown, I’m so sorry to see that you lost your friend recently.  Friends that we’ve had for so many years are rare and precious.  That has to be tough.  I’m sorry for your loss. 

[Oldernowiser]

37 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

But I'd love to vent at her.  Give her a piece of my mind. Get it all out. Probably not good for me either. But that's what I want.

If you think that would help you, hey, go for it! And please remember I am available for freelance shin kicking and vicious glaring. My husband says I could glare paint off a wall...he’s not wrong. 😈

But maybe ask yourself this? What kind of reaction would you be expecting, or hoping, or dreading? If all you want is to speak your mind and it doesn’t matter what happens in response, that’s one thing. If on some level you want her to feel some of the pain you’ve felt, that’s completely understandable and justifiable.

But sometimes revenge doesn’t feel as satisfying as you’d expect...if at heart you’re a kind person and I think you are, you have to weigh the catharsis from screaming your hurt against how you might feel later about causing hurt to someone else, no matter how justified. And she may just not be capable of feeling anything much, anyway. Some people are just emotionally stunted. 

In the end, it’s your decision. Please remember your virtual posse here...we’ll have your back no matter what.

Big hug!

[Leeds]

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Leeds, I’m sorry to read about the loss of your friend’s father and your dear friend’s illness.  It’s heartbreaking to know our loved ones are in such pain.  I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way and including you and yours in my prayers.  Prayer has been invaluable for me since covid.  I hope you will find some solace from the support of family, friends and places like this.   

Thank you SunnyBeBe.  I've been pulling a lot of spiritual- and faith-based books off my shelves recently.  I'm not big on self-help, but I have found solace in some tried and trued texts and books, and in the wisdom of scholars and teachers, and comfort in the connection to countless generations.

[SunnyBeBe]

9 minutes ago, Leeds said:

Thank you SunnyBeBe.  I've been pulling a lot of spiritual- and faith-based books off my shelves recently.  I'm not big on self-help, but I have found solace in some tried and trued texts and books, and in the wisdom of scholars and teachers, and comfort in the connection to countless generations.

I hope this doesn’t sound trivial, but I saw a movie last weekend that really provided me with a lot of perspective on things like loss, friendship, change......it’s a different kind of film.  I mentioned it upthread.  It’s difficult to describe.  It has a lot of beautiful scenery, interesting people and an excellent story.  The death of loved ones is addressed in a sensitive way.  It’s very highly rated with multiple award nominations.  It’s called Nomadland.  I look forward to watching it again this weekend.  It makes you think.  

[Jeanne222]

2 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

So I told my husband to read the letter from my mother. He said it pretty much said what we thought. Lots of I'm sorrys and please forgive me and I still and have always loved you, and it broke my heart when you left... Blah blah blah. Ugh. I told him to fold it back up and put it back. I was annoyed enough with his description to not want to read it. At least not now.  Bunch of bullshit. How can I possibly get past my anger and hatred of her? I'd love to give her a piece of my mind though.  

She's  already causing you heartache and feeling like you have to make decisions and intruding into your life.

I suspect she knows more about you and your life than you suspect!  Had your life gone south would she have contacted you?  Would she have wanted to be a part of the downside?

Sometimes I try and imagine my little girl life.  That would include two loving parents, Christmas, good things cooking on the stove.  Walking into a room and being the Apple of their eye.  Getting an ice cream with my dad and giggling with my mother.

That didn't happen for you and me but baby.....look at us now!!!!  We done good!

You do you!

[Leeds]

30 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I hope this doesn’t sound trivial, but I saw a movie last weekend that really provided me with a lot of perspective on things like loss, friendship, change......it’s a different kind of film.  I mentioned it upthread.  It’s difficult to describe.  It has a lot of beautiful scenery, interesting people and an excellent story.  The death of loved ones is addressed in a sensitive way.  It’s very highly rated with multiple award nominations.  It’s called Nomadland.  I look forward to watching it again this weekend.  It makes you think.  

Thank you for the recommendation.  There's nothing trivial about recommending something that you found meaningful and comforting.  Certainly films shouldn't be dismissed in this context.  I'm generally not a fan of graphic novels, but I found/find "Maus" extraordinary. 

[Temperance]

5 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

So I told my husband to read the letter from my mother. He said it pretty much said what we thought. Lots of I'm sorrys and please forgive me and I still and have always loved you, and it broke my heart when you left... Blah blah blah. Ugh. I told him to fold it back up and put it back. I was annoyed enough with his description to not want to read it. At least not now.  Bunch of bullshit. How can I possibly get past my anger and hatred of her? I'd love to give her a piece of my mind though.  

That line. Did she really say "it broke my heart when you left"? Like the rest of it, I see why she's saying that, but I'm laughing bitterly on your behalf. How did she think you could stay?  If she really loved you, she would have been glad to see you escape. 

I disagree with @Oldernowiser. I don't think you'll regret causing her pain she deserves, but it will never end. She'll want to talk to you again, and you'll get mad again and nothing will ever be resolved. It'll bring stress and bitterness for you. 

I think if you contact your sister, there's a good chance she'll tell your mom everything you tell her. I think she will try to reunite you guys.

Think it over. We'll be here for you no matter what. I've been a little worried about you; I'm sending good vibes. 

[Leeds]

8 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Leeds, I’m sorry to read about the loss of your friend’s father and your dear friend’s illness.  It’s heartbreaking to know our loved ones are in such pain.  I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way and including you and yours in my prayers.  Prayer has been invaluable for me since covid.  I hope you will find some solace from the support of family, friends and places like this.   

Being on this site has been a huge comfort.  Thank you everyone for your support, thoughts, and prayers.

[Minivanessa]

@Leeds and @jcbrown - I'm so sorry for the losses you've experienced.

I'm not the world's biggest hugger, but after a year of this pandemic even I am feeling the emptiness of being physically distanced from friends and family. I've been spared (so far) from losing anyone close to me, to death during this mess. The thought of going through it under these conditions is a nightmare. I'm so sorry it's happened to you. 

 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Jeeves

[Mindthinkr]

@jcbrown I can’t even imagine a livestream memorial service. I’m sorry about the loss of your friend of 40 years. This year has had too much loss ind very little in ways to cope with it or allow us to have closure. 
 

I’m another person who watched Nomadland and agree that besides a lot of interesting scenery, there were some subtle lessons imbedded in it and it is definitely worth some time to watch. I’ve been recommending it to some of my friends. 
 

@QuinnInND  You have gotten some good advice from our fellow members here. Please just don’t feel to compelled to do anything right away. Take all the time that you need to process this new information and then (agreeing with others here) do what is best for you. Remember she wrote that because she thought sending is what was what's best for her. I’m so glad you have a husband right now to preread her letter, talk with you and add to your emotional support. We all really care about your emotional well-being. 

[Scarlett45]

@Leeds I am so very sorry for the loss of your loved one. 

 

@QuinnInND I am glad you had your husband pre-read. You have been given tons of good advice here, but I want to reiterate you dont owe your mother anything, and you should only do what brings you emotional and mental peace. 

[BetyBee]

13 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

@Leeds I’m so sorry and will pray. You could consider writing a nice note to your friend telling her how much she has meant to you and a memory or two that you share. It might give her comfort. 

@Leeds - I think @Mindthinkr's suggestion is a good one. I lost a friend from many years ago a few years ago. We were next door neighbors from age 5-10, when my family moved away. We reconnected on FB many years later. Later I learned from her brother that she had cancer and was not expected to live for long. I sent her a message full of memories and my phone number. Some time later she called me and we had the most wonderful conversation. She passed away a week later and I was so glad that we had that great conversation. It meant so much to me. I'm so sorry you are dealing with loss during this awful pandemic

@jcbrown I'm sorry for the loss of your friend too. Thinking of you. Hugs!

@SunnyBeBe - thanks for the suggestion to watch Nomadland. It was so good!

[QuinnInND]

8 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

She's  already causing you heartache and feeling like you have to make decisions and intruding into your life.

I suspect she knows more about you and your life than you suspect!  Had your life gone south would she have contacted you?  Would she have wanted to be a part of the downside?

Sometimes I try and imagine my little girl life.  That would include two loving parents, Christmas, good things cooking on the stove.  Walking into a room and being the Apple of their eye.  Getting an ice cream with my dad and giggling with my mother.

That didn't happen for you and me but baby.....look at us now!!!!  We done good!

You do you!

Thank you! We have done good!  I never thought of her knowing more about my life than she is letting on. 🤔 Not sure how she would, but yeah. Something to think about. 

@Temperance she actually did write that line. My husband shook his head in disgust when he read it, and made me ask him what caused that reaction. And he said that's exactly what she wrote. My reaction was "bitch, please".

I'm fairly certain that my sister would tell my mother everything I say. Maybe not. But I thought of that. Which makes me leery of contacting her either. 

Thank you, everyone, for your advice and "listening" to my story.  I appreciate it more than you know. ❤️

Edited February 24, 2021 by QuinnInND
Because ask and say are two totally different words.

[QuinnInND]

32 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

@Leeds

 

@QuinnInND I am glad you had your husband pre-read. You have been given tons of good advice here, but I want to reiterate you dont owe your mother anything, and you should only do what brings you emotional and mental peace. 

Thank you. My husband is the best man in the world. I wouldn't be here without him, and that's not hyperbole.

My mother and sister know I'm alive, so they've got that. They probably won't get anything more from me. Although I do in a way want to talk to my sister. At least tell her a couple of things. 

[ozziemom]

When my mom died in January we decided not to have a virtual funeral or wake. I don’t live in my hometown anymore so I’m not in touch with most people from my past. I received so many lovely cards and notes, it was really nice to hear from people I hadn’t seen in years. Most had a memory or two about my mom, so it was comforting to realize she had touched so many. So I’m totally in favor of sending cards or notes! I’ve heard people say that in this digital age no one cares, but I would disagree.

@QuinnInND not much to add to the great thoughts of other posters, but give it time. You owe your mother nothing. 

[doodlebug]

5 hours ago, Temperance said:

That line. Did she really say "it broke my heart when you left"? Like the rest of it, I see why she's saying that, but I'm laughing bitterly on your behalf. How did she think you could stay?  If she really loved you, she would have been glad to see you escape. 

I disagree with @Oldernowiser. I don't think you'll regret causing her pain she deserves, but it will never end. She'll want to talk to you again, and you'll get mad again and nothing will ever be resolved. It'll bring stress and bitterness for you. 

I think if you contact your sister, there's a good chance she'll tell your mom everything you tell her. I think she will try to reunite you guys.

Think it over. We'll be here for you no matter what. I've been a little worried about you; I'm sending good vibes. 

Saying that Quinn broke her heart is also somewhat of a guilt trip aimed to make Quinn feel bad for saving herself when her mother wouldn't.  Mama was apparently ok with Quinn's heart being broken every single day while she didn't do anything to prevent it.  So, would she have rather Quinn stayed and grown up to be the empty shell of a person that that kind of heartbreak causes?  What was the alternative here?  Quinn knew her mother wasn't willing to leave, that she didn't even attempt to protect her own daughter from abuse.  If Mama thinks her heart is broken, she should think about what it might be like to be a kid whose mother allows her to suffer at the hands of others and does nothing to stop it.  Mama has no right to complain about her heartbreak, it is trivial in comparison.

[doodlebug]

32 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

Thank you. My husband is the best man in the world. I wouldn't be here without him, and that's not hyperbole.

My mother and sister know I'm alive, so they've got that. They probably won't get anything more from me. Although I do in a way want to talk to my sister. At least tell her a couple of things. 

In a way, it might be somewhat satisfying to let your mother know that you have not only survived, but thrived.  That you've got a rich marriage with a man who loves and respects you and your children.  That your kids go to bed every single night knowing that their parents love them and will protect them always.  That you've gotten an excellent education and now have a great job that is so rewarding.  No details, of course, but just the bare bones so she knows that your life began the day you decided to leave her behind and you are NOT looking back.

[doodlebug]

18 minutes ago, ozziemom said:

When my mom died in January we decided not to have a virtual funeral or wake. I don’t live in my hometown anymore so I’m not in touch with most people from my past. I received so many lovely cards and notes, it was really nice to hear from people I hadn’t seen in years. Most had a memory or two about my mom, so it was comforting to realize she had touched so many. So I’m totally in favor of sending cards or notes! I’ve heard people say that in this digital age no one cares, but I would disagree.

@QuinnInND not much to add to the great thoughts of other posters, but give it time. You owe your mother nothing. 

Absolutely.  I am a huge fan of the hearfelt, handwritten message.  I have received them and also tried to send them as often as I can.  Even the tiniest memory can be such a treasure for a family who has lost someone.  When my nephew died, my sister got so many messages from teachers, the parents of his classmates and neighbors detailing funny things he had said, little things he had done; things she didn't know anything about but it meant so much to her that so many people loved her boy, too.

[Scarlett45]

35 minutes ago, ozziemom said:

When my mom died in January we decided not to have a virtual funeral or wake. I don’t live in my hometown anymore so I’m not in touch with most people from my past. I received so many lovely cards and notes, it was really nice to hear from people I hadn’t seen in years. Most had a memory or two about my mom, so it was comforting to realize she had touched so many. So I’m totally in favor of sending cards or notes! I’ve heard people say that in this digital age no one cares, but I would disagree.

Yeah when my Mom's old friend and former co-worker died this past summer, she sent her husband a letter rather than going to the viewing. I think that was a good idea. 

[Oldernowiser]

@QuinnInND, I reread my post from last night just now and I wasn’t clear as to what I was trying to say. So I’ll try again, but shorter!

 You do what you believe will be most consistent with keeping your hard-earned good life happy. I know that I am not very good at any sort of conflict and tend to obsess and obsess about what I said when I do finally speak my mind. And obsessing just uses up valuable time left on earth.

But if you know that letting her have it would be freeing for you, by all means, go for it! I’ll hold your beer. 

Do whatever is best for you.

[MargeGunderson]

@QuinnInND, I totally get wanting to let your mother have it. I have done that on a couple of occasions myself. Unfortunately I was disappointed by the reaction: lots of brushing off, excuses, making it my problem, etc. It made me feel better to say it in the moment, but the recipient clearly didn’t get it and/or agree, which just made me more frustrated in the end. Not getting a satisfactory response was a different kind of pain. I don’t say this to discourage you from contacting your mother or sister, but just to help you be prepared for one of the possibilities. 
 

From everything you’ve told us, you are handling this with amazing grace, and I am impressed. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by MargeGunderson

[rue721]

@QuinnInND this is all way out of my depth and you know how to handle your family much better than I do.

But I will say that in my experience, unless you are going to go really deep and spend a lifetime really trying to rebuild a fulfilling relationship with your mother (which in my opinion would be a terrible idea anyhow), then I don't think you should interact at all. The intense pain of the interaction isn't worth it unless it's in the service of building a real relationship.

Your sister, on the other hand, maybe you could build a fulfilling relationship with if you're really committed to it. If you want to make that (lifetime) commitment, then I think it's worth contacting her regardless of what she brings back to your mother. But that's a huge commitment that will take a LOT of energy, pain, and time to become something positive, so I don't think you should feel any pressure to go all in with her, either.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, in my experience, unless you're 100% all in on spending the rest of your lives building something with these people, then just leave them be. Because that investment in time, effort, love, and pain is worth it if in a decade you have a fulfilling relationship, but it's not worth it in and of itself.

Just my two cents, I haven't been through anything like what you have and I'm sorry that you've suffered so much.

[andromeda331]

I'm so sorry @Leeds.

 

[Leeds]

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

Absolutely.  I am a huge fan of the hearfelt, handwritten message.  I have received them and also tried to send them as often as I can.  Even the tiniest memory can be such a treasure for a family who has lost someone.  When my nephew died, my sister got so many messages from teachers, the parents of his classmates and neighbors detailing funny things he had said, little things he had done; things she didn't know anything about but it meant so much to her that so many people loved her boy, too.

I totally agree, and if I ever think being with someone who is grieving might be awkward, I find it helpful to remind myself in advance of a funny/loving/sweet encounter I had with the loved one.  I have found that recalling something personal, whether in person or in writing, can be very comforting, even if it causes tears.  If you didn't know the person well, using another's anecdote is fine:  "I remember hearing about the time X did Y . . / B told me that A's support of B was incredible and meant so much to B."

[QuinnInND]

My tiny humans are so happy to be back in class. They're behaving perfectly and are so bright and happy. It's really amazing. 

[Minivanessa]

1 hour ago, QuinnInND said:

My tiny humans are so happy to be back in class. They're behaving perfectly and are so bright and happy. It's really amazing. 

Aww, thanks for sharing that. I'm having kind of a meh day, nothing really wrong, I'm just a little in the doldrums. And just now, reading your post made me smile and feel happy. 🙂

[doodlebug]

4 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

@QuinnInND, I totally get wanting to let your mother have it. I have done that on a couple of occasions myself. Unfortunately I was disappointed by the reaction: lots of brushing off, excuses, making it my problem, etc. It made me feel better to say it in the moment, but the recipient clearly didn’t get it and/or agree, which just made me more frustrated in the end. Not getting a satisfactory response was a different kind of pain. I don’t say this to discourage you from contacting your mother or sister, but just to help you be prepared for one of the possibilities. 
 

From everything you’ve told us, you are handling this with amazing grace, and I am impressed. 

Alas, I agree with Marge.  The only time this approach seems to work out is in books and movies.  In real life, it is almost never satisfying and the object of the dressing down doesn't respond the way you would hope.

[QuinnInND]

24 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

Aww, thanks for sharing that. I'm having kind of a meh day, nothing really wrong, I'm just a little in the doldrums. And just now, reading your post made me smile and feel happy. 🙂

I'm so glad.  😊

[QuinnInND]

33 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

Alas, I agree with Marge.  The only time this approach seems to work out is in books and movies.  In real life, it is almost never satisfying and the object of the dressing down doesn't respond the way you would hope.

I know. I did it with my dead stepfather at his grave. But with the living, it's a different thing.  I know it sounds horrible, but I hope my mother has been miserable about me leaving, and she's spent all these years wishing she'd done things differently. 

[Oldernowiser]

Just now, QuinnInND said:

I know it sounds horrible, but I hope my mother has been miserable about me leaving, and she's spent all these years wishing she'd done things differently. 

Speaking as an old person, it’s been my experience that people capable of doing that kind of stuff (or ignoring it while someone else did it) are always victims in their minds. It’s never their fault, because (fill in blank here) made them do it. 

From what you’ve say about that letter, I’m guessing she’s one of those. 

[Jeanne222]

6 hours ago, doodlebug said:

In a way, it might be somewhat satisfying to let your mother know that you have not only survived, but thrived.  That you've got a rich marriage with a man who loves and respects you and your children.  That your kids go to bed every single night knowing that their parents love them and will protect them always.  That you've gotten an excellent education and now have a great job that is so rewarding.  No details, of course, but just the bare bones so she knows that your life began the day you decided to leave her behind and you are NOT looking back.

Honestly I think all of that is why momma wants back in.  Just saying.  Older women no longer able to grab another husband, job, friend sometimes start to think about their children and how they can become close to them at this time in their lives.

They want nothing better than to be welcomed into a lovely home like the one Quinn talks of having.   Being grandma and now mother. 

Sometimes it's just too late.  The train has left the station. 

[Scarlett45]

In a bit of joy, look at this sweet face. 

[QuinnInND]

45 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Speaking as an old person, it’s been my experience that people capable of doing that kind of stuff (or ignoring it while someone else did it) are always victims in their minds. It’s never their fault, because (fill in blank here) made them do it. 

From what you’ve say about that letter, I’m guessing she’s one of those. 

She was a victim too. For whatever reason she stayed with my stepfather, he abused her just as much as me. But she had a choice to leave. I did not. I would have left earlier but didn't have the nerve, and I stayed for my sister. But all that doesn't change what she did. 

14 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Honestly I think all of that is why momma wants back in.  Just saying.  Older women no longer able to grab another husband, job, friend sometimes start to think about their children and how they can become close to them at this time in their lives.

They want nothing better than to be welcomed into a lovely home like the one Quinn talks of having.   Being grandma and now mother. 

Sometimes it's just too late.  The train has left the station. 

She can be with my sister and be grandma to her kids. My kids will never know her. And she will never know them.  As for her being old, she's only 56 or 57. 😂 I can't remember exactly when her birthday is. 🤔 There's a lot of her back story I don't know. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by QuinnInND

[iwantcookies]

15 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

In a bit of joy, look at this sweet face. 

I’d let Cosmo sleep next to me in bed 🤣🤣🤣. What a sweetheart.

[QuinnInND]

7 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

I’d let Cosmo sleep next to me in bed 🤣🤣🤣. What a sweetheart.

Me too! Of course, he'd have to deal with 2 bed hogging doxies and my husband, but yeah. 😂

[Leeds]

4 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

Me too! Of course, he'd have to deal with 2 bed hogging doxies and my husband, but yeah. 😂

Don't you mean that your husband would have to deal with an extra bed-hogger?

[Scarlett45]

22 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

I’d let Cosmo sleep next to me in bed 🤣🤣🤣. What a sweetheart.

 

13 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

Me too! Of course, he'd have to deal with 2 bed hogging doxies and my husband, but yeah. 😂

View from my bed this morning. It’s too high so I don’t have to worry about him trying to get in, but I’ve noticed he moves from his bed to right here after my alarm goes off. 

[MargeGunderson]

@Scarlett45, Cosmo looks like such a sweetheart. He would get me with those eyes every time. 
 

Sophie is having a hard afternoon (this is her after a good tummy scratching session, which she loves more than any cat I’ve ever known)

 

[lookeyloo]

I see there have been some monumental struggles with my Small talk family.  My heart is really with you as you grapple with all of it.  Life isn't easy sometimes.  Maybe never.  

I did get back into my sewing room and turned on the machine and did something.  Oddly, I now need all conditions to be perfect.  Nice warm day outside, bright sunlight, etc.   Since where I live doesn't have that much this time of year, my ventures will be limited.

Every day continues to be a struggle.  Son in law is struggling too.  But his path will be different from mine.  

[QuinnInND]

1 hour ago, Leeds said:

Don't you mean that your husband would have to deal with an extra bed-hogger?

He's the bed hogger.  😂😂 I'm the cover hog.