Funny things people say and do only on culinary TV

[Kromm]

This probably applies to all cooking shows, but since Top Chef is the King of those shows, I think this is the proper forum for the topic. Within reason though, feel free to mention examples from other shows.

 

Here's one.  Why do people cooking on TV always use a plural when talking about the process of making their dish?  Even when it really IS just them doing it.  "We have a Porterhouse steak, which we made with a mushroom gravy, and we also have a spring vegetable mix in butter sauce, which we simmered and reduced into a glaze!"

[elzin]

While it's not really ha ha funny (and also people do it in their homes), when I see a chef use a spoon to taste their dish, then PUT THAT SPOON BACK IN THE DISH ... I can't. I'm done. I'd really like to think in a proper restaurant a different spoon is used and then immediately put in the dishwashing area.  No one wants your germs.  Plus it shows a real lack of awareness of what you're doing, which makes me question the rest of your actions.  It doesn't bother me as much on instructional shows, as those dishes aren't being served, but on TC? Those dishes ARE being served and aren't just for instructional purposes.

 

Why oh why can't they use another spoon? And please don't use fingers. It's a horror show sometimes. "The licked finger goes back into the soup for another dip."

 

*barf*

[Wings]

 

Carpaccio (/kɑrˈpɑːtʃi.oʊ/ or /kɑrˈpɑːtʃoʊ/; Italian pronunciation: [karˈpattʃo]) is a dish of raw meat or fish (such as beef, veal, venison, salmon or tuna), thinly sliced or pounded thin and served mainly as an appetizer.

 

 

They often use this term to describe raw vegetables too!   It sounds so silly to describe thinly sliced raw cucumbers, carrots, zucchini, etc as carpaccio.   

Edited October 25, 2014 by wings707

[cooksdelight]

The most egregious of sins to me is the mispronounciation of mascarpone and macaron. It's not MARScapone or macaROON, people. At first I'd laugh, now I just tune it out.

Double dipping of the spoons is a good one, elzin, as is swigging liquor or wine out of the bottle to taste it before pouring it into the food. Backwash, anyone?

I also laugh when I see chefs getting as up close to their plating as possible, as if they cannot see what they are doing unless they are 2 inches away. Usually with sweat dripping off their face.

[Wings]

In an effort to sound knowledgeable cheftesants often over sell their dishes by naming them something they are not.  Tom is quick to correct this. You told us this was a _____ and it isn't.  We expect what you say when you describe your dish.  If you had just told us that it was _____, that would have been fine.  

 

I wish I could remember an example of this, it happens frequently in both elimination and quick fire challenges.  

[Julia]

This happens all the time on restaurant fix programs these days, but my favorite example was Amy's Baking Company. Amy, who had no background in cooking or food, wildly indignant that Ramsay didn't like her slop burger, and ranting about the awesome flavor profile.

 

I realize I'm a dinosaur - Julia Child's TV career started the year I was born - but I'm pretty sure before there was a few decades of wall-to-wall food porn on TV nobody ever talked about flavor profiles.

Edited October 25, 2014 by Julia

[cooksdelight]

Flavor profile = I don't know what the heck I'm doing but it sounds good.

[Kromm]

The most egregious of sins to me is the mispronounciation of mascarpone and macaron. It's not MARScapone or macaROON, people. At first I'd laugh, now I just tune it out.

 

Yes, but with macarons vs. macaroons (a real thing) there's a natural reason for the confusion, so I try not to get too hot under the collar about it.

 

 

They're even similarly made from egg whites and sugar.

Edited October 25, 2014 by Kromm

[roamyn]

Or bellini & blini.

Cocktail vs. Pastry. Kinda hard to confuse the two, you'd think the cheftestants would figure out these words need to be enunciated properly.

[cooksdelight]

The worst offenders of butchering the word macaron were Ted and Alex on Chopped. They had them as a basket ingredient, and only one chef in the bunch pronounced it correctly. She was the eventual winner. When pros can't pronounce it right, THAT is when I want to throw something at my TV. My foam Dave & Busters brick will have to do. :)

Elevated = I am going to throw a bunch of fru-fru stuff in and on this omelet.

[Julia]

"silken" puree: made with a root vegetable that costs next to nothing because it tastes like warm earwax

[Kromm]

Here's one.  Worry so much about if their dish is served in a bowl or on a plate.  I mean I suppose the decision is made in a real restaurant, but nobody is going to agonize over it the way they do when some obnoxious panel of judges is nitpicking at them.

[cooksdelight]

Oh, and there's the bowl that looks like a plate. Or a flying saucer with a little round hole in the middle for you to put a grape. And that plate that is flat with two rounded edges that serve as the "legs".... somewhere out there is a fussy dinnerware designer coming up with a plate that looks like the Enterprise.

[Julia]

or the one that's shaped like an infinity symbol with an extra loop, for all of us who serve trios of, well, anything.

[Wings]

I love all those fancy dishes.  My son, excellent cook, has a set of the bowlie/platey dishes.  I love to eat his precious food out of them. I feel like I am dining on Top Chef.  

[The Solution]

In an effort to sound knowledgeable cheftesants often over sell their dishes by naming them something they are not.  Tom is quick to correct this. You told us this was a _____ and it isn't.  We expect what you say when you describe your dish.  If you had just told us that it was _____, that would have been fine.  

 

I wish I could remember an example of this, it happens frequently in both elimination and quick fire challenges.  

 

Casey Thompson made a coq au vin that wasn't. It was hilarious! Tom couldn't get past it. He kept saying "but it's not  a coq au vin, is it?"  over and over and over again. It was like she slapped his mama.

Yeah, but it's not a coq au vin.

[Julia]

Casey Thompson made a coq au vin that wasn't. It was hilarious! Tom couldn't get past it. He kept saying "but it's not  a coq au vin, is it?"  over and over and over again. It was like she slapped his mama.

Yeah, but it's not a coq au vin.

 

And yet any bits of grilled potato dough smaller than a hot dog roll are gnocchi and all porridge is risotto (with the exception, apparently, of congee).

Edited October 28, 2014 by Julia

[Wings]

Casey Thompson made a coq au vin that wasn't. It was hilarious! Tom couldn't get past it. He kept saying "but it's not  a coq au vin, is it?"  over and over and over again. It was like she slapped his mama.

Yeah, but it's not a coq au vin.

 

 

i remember that!   It is done with an old rooster.  Who does that anymore?  Silly. 

[BC Mama]

i remember that!   It is done with an old rooster.  Who does that anymore?  Silly. 

 

I remember that vividly! Tom was looking for something to snark at! Not even Julia Child's Coq Au Vin recipe calls for a rooster.

[AngYouDontStop]

I'm completely over when chefs use nouns as verbs to describe how they cooked things: truffled deviled eggs. Minted vegetable salad. Tonight, I think I'll make a bowl of Cap'n Crunched milk.

[Kromm]

I'm completely over when chefs use nouns as verbs to describe how they cooked things: truffled deviled eggs. Minted vegetable salad. Tonight, I think I'll make a bowl of Cap'n Crunched milk.

Good one!

 

In addition to that, and the annoying use of the plural I mentioned before, one other I have is the way they always salt in the phrase "a little" when describing a dish (like over and over again in the same description, I mean). It's not inaccurate, mind you, just annoying.

Edited October 29, 2014 by Kromm

[Wings]

I'm completely over when chefs use nouns as verbs to describe how they cooked things: truffled deviled eggs. Minted vegetable salad. Tonight, I think I'll make a bowl of Cap'n Crunched milk.

 

 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[larapu2000]

"Cook my flavors."  Uh, what exactly makes them yours?  

[Lillybee]

What does a "party in your mouth" mean exactly?

Edited December 4, 2014 by Lillybee

[Lamb18]

When someone says that I always picture food hopping around in your mouth, pinging the insides of your cheeks, as if you had Mexican jumping beans in your mouth.

[theatremouse]

"Perfectly seasoned". Considering the subjectivity of saltiness, and that chefs tend to have a preference for much more than average folk, the notion that it could possibly be done "perfectly" to me is absurd. And even if it were possible, under what other circumstances do you have to actually say that outloud. Well-seasoned or properly seasoned I'll give you as normal useful phrases, but unless someone's teaching you how they want you to make a specific dish, how are you going to come across the need to state whether the seasoning were done "perfectly"? Only in judging on TV.

[Lura]

Giada, when she rattles along in good English, then switches a word to its Italian pronunciation to make the word authentic:  "spa-GAY-tee."  Yes, Giada, we know that you were born in Italy.  *rolling my eyes*There is nothing wrong with proper pronunciation, but watching the exaggerated mouth action can be nauseating or hilarious, depending on one's mood.

Edited December 7, 2014 by Lura

[Lillybee]

I have a problem with the chefs or even any restaurant using "home made" to describe their food. Homemade is something I make in my kitchen. I would like them to use "house made" instead.

[The Solution]

"House made" drives me insane. It's a restaurant. Unless it's a dump, I expect you to make it there.

[Wings]

"House made" drives me insane. It's a restaurant. Unless it's a dump, I expect you to make it there.

 

 

Restaurants buy so much from restaurant supply places that I look for house made or home made on the menu.  I like seeing either there. 

[jackjill89]

No one simply roasts, sears, or cooks -- they roast UP, sear OFF, cook UP, bake OFF...etc. None of the prepositions are needed, you can simply roast the chicken, sear the steak, cook the potatoes or bake the cookies. Drives me insane.

 

I am also driven insane at work meetings when they say "share OUT" -- if you are sharing, that's all you need to do, not share out. Argh. 

 

A majority of the time on cooking competitions the cheftestants will begin with "Today I made for you..." when presenting their food. Of course, they did it today! 

[JTMacc99]

What does a "party in your mouth" mean exactly?

Well, the first time I heard it was in the Flaming Moe's episode of the Simpsons in 1991, and then they had Ken Griffey Jr. (page 2).say it again later that season in Homer at the Bat.  So The Simpsons probably didn't invent it, but I would guess it made it a common phrase.  It's number 45 on this list, and there are a few other ones on this list I use without even thinking about it. (It's not the greatest list. I could put together a better one in 30 minutes after two beers and a nacho hat.)  Futurama also used the line but with Fry adding his twist: "It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everybody's throwing up!"

 

I don't remember hearing it too often on Top Chef, if ever. I know I've heard it from time to time on various cooking shows, and it tends to make me smile because I associate it with the stuff I linked above.  I also probably give most of the people who say it too much credit when I assume they are aware it was a Moe Syslak statement, and it is not the kind of thing you say seriously.

Edited December 26, 2014 by JTMacc99

[Julia]

I don't remember hearing it too often on Top Chef, if ever. I know I've heard it from time to time on various cooking shows, and it tends to make me smile because I associate it with the stuff I linked above.  I also probably give most of the people who say it too much credit when I assume they are aware it was a Moe Syslak statement, and it is not the kind of thing you say seriously.

 

There was an episode of Kitchen Nightmares (DownCity) where the menu said that about the (apparently awful) nachos. Ramsay kept mocking that for a good part of the hour.

[JTMacc99]

Oh man, that show represents the exact two groups who wouldn't get the joke. The business owners are usually delusional or stupid, and Ramsay has NO patience for delusional or stupid people attempting to use humor, let alone using it incorrectly.

[Oinky Boinky]

My pet peeve of stupid not funny things they do on cooking shows is loose hair.

 

Those zoom in shots of the cook putting their face into their food ie that thing of plating 2 inches away from your food, just grosses me out. 

 

Rachel Ray is the worst in combination with her screaming. Anna and Kristina do it too but I like them so I still watch their show. 

 

You always see them put on their aprons which is to protect them but never put on a hat or tie their hair back which is for the person eating the food.

[cooksdelight]

Add dripping sweat to the falling hair. I've seen closeups where I swear I've seen beads of sweat fall into the food.

[Lillybee]

I don't understand why the big sweaters do not use a sweat band around their heads.

[Lamb18]

I heard a couple of funny things in the last few days:

 

CutThroat Kitchen: Rerun of Food Network celebrities tournament.  Johnny Iuzzini (sp?) (pastry chef) had to do his prep work on cutting boards floating in a kiddie pool.  He says (approx.): "A lot of my ingredients are falling into the water but luckily most of them float." He was so matter-of-fact about it as though he normally deals with floating ingredients.

 

Worst Cooks in America:  One guy was saying (approx): " I like to show creativity in my food. My goal now is to make it edible."

Edited January 5, 2015 by Lamb18

[Muffyn]

There's a party in my mouth is also a variation of a punchline from a dirty joke.  

 

person 1:  Hey, are you going to the party?

person 2:  What party?

person 1:  It's a big party, it's happening now.

person 2:  Where is it?

person 1:  In <female name>'s mouth.  Everybody's coming.

 

I'll let myself out . . . 

[lh25]

Flavor profile = I don't know what the heck I'm doing but it sounds good.

 

 

Kind of along those lines "I did _____ wrong, but I hope my flavors make up for it"

[Wings]

Odd and annoying.  When Tom says, "do you think this is a 500k dish?" when they have been asked to prepare a picnic in one pan,  on the hood of a 57 Chevy that has heated in the sun.  

Edited December 9, 2015 by wings707

[needschocolate]

Giada, when she rattles along in good English, then switches a word to its Italian pronunciation to make the word authentic:  "spa-GAY-tee."  Yes, Giada, we know that you were born in Italy.  *rolling my eyes*There is nothing wrong with proper pronunciation, but watching the exaggerated mouth action can be nauseating or hilarious, depending on one's mood.

 

Or scary, depending on the size of the mouth.

[cooksdelight]

"This is not in my wheelhouse"

What is a wheelhouse? Really? I always think of one of those old mills with the big round wheel and water falling off into the river to make the millstones inside grind the corn.

[Bastet]

To me, wheelhouse is a baseball term.  A pitch to the batter's wheelhouse means a pitch in the area most likely to yield a great hit. 

 

Now, since it's also part of a ship (I think), that's probably not the primary origin.

 

Oh, look - apparently the Chicago Tribune looked into this a few years back.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Bastet

[cooksdelight]

Thank you!! And I agree with what someone said in the article... I hope it's on it's way out. Soon.

[Bastet]

It has never bothered me; it comes up a fair bit in discussing Jeopardy! categories in which we are particularly likely or unlikely to succeed.

[ratgirlagogo]

"I cooked this with love!"    I'd prefer you'd cooked it with skill, but okay.

 

"Enjoy!"    Slow down, bossyboots.

[Katmai]

"I cooked this with love!"    I'd prefer you'd cooked it with skill, but okay.

About all I recall of Carla Hall's time on TC is she said this about everything she made, and I think at one point she said it was her "secret" ingredient. ugh

[Kromm]

"Enjoy!"    Slow down, bossyboots.

Yeah, that gets me almost as much as the "we" thing.  I guess it has legit meaning, but it's just this weird phrasing nobody uses under any other circumstance.

[Giselle]

This probably applies to all cooking shows, but since Top Chef is the King of those shows, I think this is the proper forum for the topic. Within reason though, feel free to mention examples from other shows.

 

Here's one.  Why do people cooking on TV always use a plural when talking about the process of making their dish?  Even when it really IS just them doing it.  "We have a Porterhouse steak, which we made with a mushroom gravy, and we also have a spring vegetable mix in butter sauce, which we simmered and reduced into a glaze!"

 

 

Habit? Maybe from the time they worked under a known chef and this was a way of linking themselves to greatness? I don't know, it's just a guess.