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S06.E13: Sorry Not Sorry


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I agree with this.  Everyone talks about everyone else IRL.  Not everything you say about another person is to be considered gossip.  JMO.

 

Yeah. Plus there's always other things to consider -- intent, judgment (or lack thereof), history with similar matters, friendship level, blah blah blah...

I mean, I will assume that none of the above really applies that much to these people, as they're basically saying stuff for airtime, pay, and fame unlike the rest of us. But in real life, people say things about people. Sometimes it's based in malice, sometimes it just "pops out" in anger or a lapse of reason (or drunkenness!), and sometimes it's just how conversations work. Again, not that I completely believe any of this applies to people who want their lives on TV.

 

SnarkKitty, I am sorry for your terrible loss. I am not a parent, and can only begin to imagine this kind of devastation.  

Edited by TattleTeeny
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I just think that everybody gossips.

 

 

I think women are more prone to it because women try to dissect people's behaviors to get down to what's really going on.  I include myself in this.  Sometimes you're gossiping less because it's interesting what the person said or did but you can't figure out for the life of you WHY they did or said something they did or said, so you talk it out with others until you come up with a reasonable explanation.

 

Of course it's still gossip.

 

I do differentiate that from spreading a vicious rumor.  There are some things (like who's sleeping with whose mother in law) that you stop dead in their tracks with "whooooa, no.  Let's not go there!" even if they're about your worst enemy.

 

At least when the cameras are on.

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Yes, everyone gossips. And when you get caught, the classy thing to do is apologize. Teresa not only refused to offer an apology for her part in the situation, but she seems to think her felony, which she caused herself, is a reason why she doesn't have to deal with any other situations. On the other hand, Dina is just as guilty and the twins aren't blaming her at all. So the twins are still psycho.

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I've been trying to follow along for the last few pages but I need ya'lls help.  I've lost sight of whether or not we're debating whether it qualifies as gossip or whether or not Teresa should feel responsible for perpetuating it.    I'm more interested in talking about this small thing with you guys than I am in the show lol.

 

For what it's worth, my $.02 - malicious intent or not, yeah it's gossip.  Victoria is completely insignificant without having this to say and she was pretty much completely insignificant anyway.   The other thing is, they weren't discussing the twins' family, so to bring it up out of the blue, producer driven or not, pointless and busybodyish.   She'd make a great yenta, but they almost always have more charm in their delivery.   So that's A.  In my opinion, yes it's gossip.   Now B is that neither Amber nor Teresa should've passed it on but somehow Amber's slip seems less weird to me.  I think if I'd just heard something nutballs sounding about someone I (and my husband) were very recently in conflict with, I'd tell him, not so much on some whispery schoolgirl shit, though it helps that Jim is a whispery schoolgirl but because I think it's natural to share stuff with your spouse, especially if they're also your best friend, as many marrieds are.     Teresa telling Dina  something doesn't strike me as malicious per se, but the I'm telling you in case it comes up narrative is just weird.   Dina's Teresa's best friend so I feel like it made sense to tell her from that perspective but on camera and in case it comes up is stupid.  Your best friend would say something to you off mic, something more like, look you can't tell anybody I told you this, but....

 

I hate bravo for making me devils' advocate Teresa of all people, but I understand why she doesn't feel as though she has anything to apologize for.  In the interest of peace?  Who gives a shit, the twins aren't her core circle.  My thing is if we're going to start assigning blame, cut Amber a piece of that pie, cut Dina a piece, cut Teresa a piece and shove the rest of it down Victoria and Jim's throats.

 

I already care too much. 

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I think women are more prone to it because women try to dissect people's behaviors to get down to what's really going on.  I include myself in this.  Sometimes you're gossiping less because it's interesting what the person said or did but you can't figure out for the life of you WHY they did or said something they did or said, so you talk it out with others until you come up with a reasonable explanation.

So much this. I live with my brother and I'm lucky - once in a while he will talk out certain situations with me that have happened to us at the hands of others. But most of the time I end up struggling alone trying to figure out other people's behavior that leaves me gobsmacked. 

 

I am so very sorry about your loss, SnarkKitty

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Just to clarify, Jac hasn't had four years to adjust to Nicholas's autism.  He was three years old when he was diagnosed.  He was four when that was filmed.  So , about a year and a half.  Personally, I wouldn't criticize any parent's emotions when it comes to dealing with having a child with a serious disability.

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Just to clarify, Jac hasn't had four years to adjust to Nicholas's autism.  He was three years old when he was diagnosed.  He was four when that was filmed.  So , about a year and a half.  Personally, I wouldn't criticize any parent's emotions when it comes to dealing with having a child with a serious disability.

 

 Jac doesn't cry for Nic and the struggles he faces and will face over his lifetime, she is crying for herself and how this has affected her life, the fact that she didn't have a "perfect" child. Jac is all about Jac and always wants the attention on herself. Nic is a convenient method for her to gain sympathy and attention. IMO,The way she treated Ashley and the way she uses Nic for attention is no better than the way Tre uses her girls, esp Gia to garner sympathy.

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Bobby feeling the heat: http://www.allabouttrh.com/bobby-ciasulli-talks-florida-trip-denies-ever-cheating-nicole-napolitano/

 

 

 

I think women are more prone to it because women try to dissect people's behaviors to get down to what's really going on.  I include myself in this.  Sometimes you're gossiping less because it's interesting what the person said or did but you can't figure out for the life of you WHY they did or said something they did or said, so you talk it out with others until you come up with a reasonable explanation.

 

Of course it's still gossip.

 

I do differentiate that from spreading a vicious rumor.  There are some things (like who's sleeping with whose mother in law) that you stop dead in their tracks with "whooooa, no.  Let's not go there!" even if they're about your worst enemy.

 

At least when the cameras are on.

I think that is all twin Teresa wanted from felon Teresa.  As Dina said "entertaining" the gossip.  She doesn't even have to say she is wrong all she has to say is "I am sorry that your family has been hurt and embarrassed by Victoria Gotti's claims.", I guess it is not in the RH handbook to do that though.

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Bobby feeling the heat: http://www.allabouttrh.com/bobby-ciasulli-talks-florida-trip-denies-ever-cheating-nicole-napolitano/

 

 

 

I think that is all twin Teresa wanted from felon Teresa.  As Dina said "entertaining" the gossip.  She doesn't even have to say she is wrong all she has to say is "I am sorry that your family has been hurt and embarrassed by Victoria Gotti's claims.", I guess it is not in the RH handbook to do that though.

IMO, Bravo likes to select people for their shows who are for the most part...rude, self-absorbed and selfish people, usually uneducated as well.....put it all together and you've got a Bravo Housewife show.....a bunch of people who don't mind looking like idiots.  

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Just to clarify, Jac hasn't had four years to adjust to Nicholas's autism.  He was three years old when he was diagnosed.  He was four when that was filmed.  So , about a year and a half.  Personally, I wouldn't criticize any parent's emotions when it comes to dealing with having a child with a serious disability.

I always feel bad for the family when I see the spots with Nicholas and I do want to keep seeing his progress.  I will say this about Jacqueline her quirky, obsessive behavior has served her well with dealing with her son's autism.  She is constantly talking about treatment modalities, conferences and fundraisers to help in her son's recovery.

 

There are a lot of things that can be said about Jacqueline but I think her concern and quest for her son's recovery are about one of the most real things I have seen on the RHONJ.   I can't fault her for choking up because I still do every time I see the little guy trying so hard and getting so frustrated. 

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IMO, Bravo likes to select people for their shows who are for the most part...rude, self-absorbed and selfish people, usually uneducated as well.....put it all together and you've got a Bravo Housewife show.....a bunch of people who don't mind looking like idiots.

 

I think you're right. While I would, in all likelihood. look like an idiot on a reality show, my kind of idiocy is not this kind of idiocy, which is, I assume, what (Bravo thinks) people want to watch. Though, I guess I do want to considering that I do watch it.

Edited by TattleTeeny
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I always feel bad for the family when I see the spots with Nicholas and I do want to keep seeing his progress.  I will say this about Jacqueline her quirky, obsessive behavior has served her well with dealing with her son's autism.  She is constantly talking about treatment modalities, conferences and fundraisers to help in her son's recovery.

 

There are a lot of things that can be said about Jacqueline but I think her concern and quest for her son's recovery are about one of the most real things I have seen on the RHONJ.   I can't fault her for choking up because I still do every time I see the little guy trying so hard and getting so frustrated. 

Her constant crying doesn't help anyone especially, Nicholas. For his sake, she needs to come to terms with his condition. I understand that everybody mourns differently and on their own schedule but, every time she is shown she is crying about him. It makes me think she is in need of help to accept his reality.

Edited by Higgins
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When Jacqueline was working with Nick, Chris looked like he couldn't give a shit.

 

 

He was so stone faced. But then, the three of them were sitting at the table and Chris went to do one of the cards with Nick. Jacqueline put her hand up and told Chris no. That is not helping any of them, imo.

 

Btw, was that even on this show or the dumb ass Manzo one, LOL!

Edited by ginger90
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Rino was there. I don't think he wanted to be around Jim under any circumstances.  The last time they were together Rino had called Jim a jerk-off.  There is a part of me that would like to think that if one had a couple of successful restaurants, they would not want to keep stooping to Jim's level.  I could not figure out why twin Teresa and Rino didn't go yachting the next day. 

Maybe Teresa wanted time to talk with Rino off camera to figure out how they wanted to approach this on camera/what had happened/etc.

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 Jac doesn't cry for Nic and the struggles he faces and will face over his lifetime, she is crying for herself and how this has affected her life, the fact that she didn't have a "perfect" child. Jac is all about Jac and always wants the attention on herself. Nic is a convenient method for her to gain sympathy and attention. IMO,The way she treated Ashley and the way she uses Nic for attention is no better than the way Tre uses her girls, esp Gia to garner sympathy.

Unfortunately, though I hate to judge, this is also the impression I get as well.  Why is it always about Nicholas saying "I love you" to Jacqueline, or reading "I love daddy"?  I mean, not telling his parents "I love you" is going to hurt Nicholas how, in fact?  Because it just didn't seem to go with the TH of Jacqueline crying abut how she hates to see him suffer.

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Unfortunately, though I hate to judge, this is also the impression I get as well.  Why is it always about Nicholas saying "I love you" to Jacqueline, or reading "I love daddy"?  I mean, not telling his parents "I love you" is going to hurt Nicholas how, in fact?  Because it just didn't seem to go with the TH of Jacqueline crying abut how she hates to see him suffer.

I would prefer to hear a child learn "I love you" as opposed to "butthole". YMMV.  I think he also learning to identify food and various wants. 

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I would prefer to hear a child learn "I love you" as opposed to "butthole". YMMV.  I think he also learning to identify food and various wants.

 

Hearing Milania screaming "butthole" was disturbing but I don't see what that has to do with Jac wasting valuable time and wasting Nic's energy and attention span on learning a phrase that does absolutely nothing to help him. It only serves to make Jac feel better to hear her child says those words to her - even though he cannot connect the words with the emotional feeling which makes it an empty gesture and comes off to me as a party trick for Jac to parade around in front of company. Her time is better spent teaching him things like, as you said, identifying food and expressing his needs - thing that will help him, not things that make Jac feel better about herself.

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Thank you for the hugs and support, truly. Didn't really mean to go there, I shouldn't post at 3am on a tear. Hope I didn't make anyone too uncomfortable. Please, return to your regularly scheduled snarking.

 

Joe is off to a bad start with being the only parent to those girls. They teased a story for my local 11pm news about him pushing a reporter today. I missed it, but it's here:

http://www.realitytea.com/2014/10/15/joe-giudice-shoves-video-cameraman-in-courthouse-fraud-case-license/

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SnarkKitty, just one more thing. I've never been married and I have no children. I knew, obviously, on an intellectual level how much parents love their children, but it wasn't until my niece, whom I love more than anything, had a baby boy that I finally got an inkling of the magnitude of the affection between parent and child. Brian is the light of my life and I cannot accept how painful you losing your son must have been, how painful it still must be. My heart goes out to you and all parents who have suffered a similar loss.

Edited by ub40fan
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Sirens Media aka Bravo selects what 'we' the viewers see.  There can be hours of tape when Jac is not crying.  There can be hours of tape of Nicholas doing other things besides saying, I 'love you'.  There can be hours of Kathy and Jac not talking about Tre.  And I have no doubt that there are but they CHOOSE what we see to tell the story they want told.   That's reality TV. 

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Hearing Milania screaming "butthole" was disturbing but I don't see what that has to do with Jac wasting valuable time and wasting Nic's energy and attention span on learning a phrase that does absolutely nothing to help him. It only serves to make Jac feel better to hear her child says those words to her - even though he cannot connect the words with the emotional feeling which makes it an empty gesture and comes off to me as a party trick for Jac to parade around in front of company. Her time is better spent teaching him things like, as you said, identifying food and expressing his needs - thing that will help him, not things that make Jac feel better about herself.

There is a school of thought that working on tying feelings to words is helpful and stimulates communication on a global level.

I'm not saying that's what Jaq is doing, just that it isn't necessarily uncommon.

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comes off to me as a party trick for Jac to parade around in front of company.

 

 

 

This.  So much this.   Thank you.

 

Snark Kitty-- We are first class snarkers, some of the best in the business, but it's been my experience that we are all here for each other whenever someone needs a lift.

Edited by One More Time
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There is a school of thought that working on tying feelings to words is helpful and stimulates communication on a global level.

 

 

I can see where that would be a useful thing.  I think maybe it would be more pertinent to teach phrases like "I'm sad" or "I'm angry" when the kid is completely melting down, if the goal is communicating feelings.  Not sure how you'd get the Helen Keller "wa wa" moment of recognition about the emotion of love for your parents at a point when you're screaming with frustration at them.

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Sirens Media aka Bravo selects what 'we' the viewers see.  There can be hours of tape when Jac is not crying.  There can be hours of tape of Nicholas doing other things besides saying, I 'love you'.  There can be hours of Kathy and Jac not talking about Tre.  And I have no doubt that there are but they CHOOSE what we see to tell the story they want told.   That's reality TV. 

Then she shouldn't give them basket case Jac and they can't use it.

Edited by Higgins
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Nobody answered my question about Rino's eyebrows, so I did a little bit of searching around.  I found a reference to a tweet by Jim Marchese about Rino's "overwaxed" eyebrows, so an eyewitness has identified them as hair, not ink.  Still doesn't explain why he grooms them to look like that, but at least one mystery is solved.

 

And honestly, is there ANYTHING Tiny Jim The Lost Ikea Monkey hasn't tweeted about?  Sheeeeeeesh.

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Nobody answered my question about Rino's eyebrows, so I did a little bit of searching around.  I found a reference to a tweet by Jim Marchese about Rino's "overwaxed" eyebrows, so an eyewitness has identified them as hair, not ink.  Still doesn't explain why he grooms them to look like that, but at least one mystery is solved.

 

And honestly, is there ANYTHING Tiny Jim The Lost Ikea Monkey hasn't tweeted about?  Sheeeeeeesh.

 

LOL!  This is the funniest damn sentence I've read all day! 

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I can see where that would be a useful thing.  I think maybe it would be more pertinent to teach phrases like "I'm sad" or "I'm angry" when the kid is completely melting down, if the goal is communicating feelings.  Not sure how you'd get the Helen Keller "wa wa" moment of recognition about the emotion of love for your parents at a point when you're screaming with frustration at them.

 

I'm with Kassa in that teaching the autistic child to say "I Love You" as an accomplishment is more of a parlor trick to stroke the egos of the parents versus teaching the child to articulate their OWN needs. As I recall, it was especially repugnant as the kid was trotted out to perform like a trained monkey.

 

Isn't I Love You a spontaneous utterance by non disabled children? 

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I'm with Kassa in that teaching the autistic child to say "I Love You" as an accomplishment is more of a parlor trick to stroke the egos of the parents versus teaching the child to articulate their OWN needs. As I recall, it was especially repugnant as the kid was trotted out to perform like a trained monkey.

 

Isn't I Love You a spontaneous utterance by non disabled children? 

First a child has to learn the words before he or she can spontaneously utter something.  I think comparing an autistic child to a trained monkey act is harsh.  We have no idea of what else the child can do other than what Bravo chooses to show us or what Jacqueline relays to the viewers and even then that is edited.  To me, I don't see how a teacher teaching Nicholas to say, "I love you, Daddy", is all that different than a teacher teaching a child to draw a picture for a Fathers' Day card.   In this case Nicholas saying the words, is filmed and aired in the case of a Father's Day drawing it may be put up on the refrigerator.  In both cases the parents are happy about their child's accomplishments.

 

Working with Special Olympic kids I appreciate all that the parents do for the children, I guess I have just never thought what the kids accomplished was just for the stroking of the parents' egos. 

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I'm with Kassa in that teaching the autistic child to say "I Love You" as an accomplishment is more of a parlor trick to stroke the egos of the parents versus teaching the child to articulate their OWN needs. As I recall, it was especially repugnant as the kid was trotted out to perform like a trained monkey.

 

Isn't I Love You a spontaneous utterance by non disabled children? 

My nephew used to say I love you whenever he was up to some shit he shouldn't have been. An I love you and a kiss. It's how he would try to get out of trouble.

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How sad is it I taped this on Sunday and didn't even bother to watch till Thursday night? Oh how the mighty have fallen. This season was a mess it was stupid and the people are totally obnoxious and not in a good fun to watch way but a stomach turning way. If they come back I'm out. I've watched since season 1 and it was fun to snark at and laugh at but now it's just disgusting. Get rid of all the new people...there all disgusting and Marcrazy leads the pack in stomach turning. What the hell Jim?? You cry like a little girl and on bended knee, for Gods sake! Drama Queen.

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Sorry, but I'm with Tre on this one. I don't think she told Dina about the rumor to spread gossip. I think she did it because she was skipping the Florida trip, and if the rumor came out through Amber she didn't want to be thrown under the bus. I think maybe she thought Amber would repeat the rumor on the trip and say that Teresa was involved since Victoria is her friend, and she wanted Dina to let them know that she was just there when the info was repeated, not that she somehow set this whole thing up. I can't blame her for trying prepare herself for that scenario because the last 2 season she's been accused of setting up Melissa. I don't think Teresa owes them an apology. The Twins just need to laugh this off and let it go.

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Snark Kitty,

I don't know what else to say except that I'm so sorry for the pain you've been through and the pain you deal with every day.

Your post is an important reminder to Count Your Blessings.  

 

I think Jac has poor coping skills. Overall, Jac does not appear to be a strong person emotionally and has limited abilities to deal with her son's autism. 

Jac impresses as an emotional wreck and unstable. 

 

I enjoy a few pieces here and there about Nick and his autism.

 

I don't begrudge a parent for wanting to hear "I love you".  I work with children with autism and moms usually break down into tears the first time their child says "mama" or "mommy".  Speech is often so so so delayed with autism so that one moment that we take for granted.... I usually work on that word because it is just so darn important for a family! And, we want children with autism to call a person (which they don't in the beginning of their therapy) but it's a sweet moment to hear "mama".  I guess Jac is waiting to hear that moment of "I love you". My 3 year old says that to me spontaneously now and it makes me smile every time. 

Jac might be taking it a bit far because she mentions it a lot but that might be a bad edit.  Who knows? Or maybe she does say it a lot but considering the other stuff that Jac has said, this is pretty mild.

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According to RealityTea...........Victoria Gotti aka She Who Shall Not Be Named, took a polygraph about the Rino/Santa rumor and passed.  She claims that proves that Rino did tell her that he slept with his MIL.  The article goes on to say that she will make an appearance at the reunion because of the way she was "set up."

 

I read it and still haven't decided who she thinks wanted her to spill the rumor on TV or exactly how she was set up.  It's either Jim, Amber or the twins. That part isn't really clear.....at least it's not to me.  Hopefully, one of you will do a better job deciphering it.

 

http://www.realitytea.com/2014/10/17/victoria-gotti-passes-polygraph-test-prove-didnt-lie-rino-aprea-claims-tricked/

Edited by AnnA
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Working with Special Olympic kids I appreciate all that the parents do for the children, I guess I have just never thought what the kids accomplished was just for the stroking of the parents' egos.

 

Kids in the Special Olympics accomplish goals they have set for themselves. They know what they have acheived, that they have reached a milestone. Nic doesn't have a clue what the words "I love you" mean when he says them. He cannot connect the feelings he has for Jac with the words as he is saying them in the moment. It's not the same as when he's feeling angry and he can - or will-  learn  to identify that spontanious feeling with the words "I'm angry". I just don't see any equivalency between what Jac is doing and a parent helping train a child for Special Olympics. Both parent and child feel joy at the accomplishments of Special Olympics.

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Kids in the Special Olympics accomplish goals they have set for themselves. They know what they have acheived, that they have reached a milestone. Nic doesn't have a clue what the words "I love you" mean when he says them. He cannot connect the feelings he has for Jac with the words as he is saying them in the moment. It's not the same as when he's feeling angry and he can - or will-  learn  to identify that spontanious feeling with the words "I'm angry". I just don't see any equivalency between what Jac is doing and a parent helping train a child for Special Olympics. Both parent and child feel joy at the accomplishments of Special Olympics.

 

How do you know that Nic doesn't have a clue what the words, "I love you" mean when he says them  and that he cannot connect the feelings he has for his mother and father?  Yes, there is a rote element of initially teaching any child to say I love you.  The child eventually puts it together.  And many autistic children do this as well. Every autistic child is different and unless they have personally worked with this child, they are in no position to make claims about his autism.  Autistic children can love just as deeply as someone who is not autistic.  And many of them can also feel joy.

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Kids in the Special Olympics accomplish goals they have set for themselves. They know what they have acheived, that they have reached a milestone. Nic doesn't have a clue what the words "I love you" mean when he says them. He cannot connect the feelings he has for Jac with the words as he is saying them in the moment. It's not the same as when he's feeling angry and he can - or will-  learn  to identify that spontanious feeling with the words "I'm angry". I just don't see any equivalency between what Jac is doing and a parent helping train a child for Special Olympics. Both parent and child feel joy at the accomplishments of Special Olympics.

 

Nick is still relearning HOW to say words and short sentences. Like a baby/toddler just learning to talk, he does not know what the words mean as of yet. The hope is that 1 day he will remember what they mean or again learn what they mean. You can NOT think in terms of his current physical age and how he should know what love, mommy, daddy, CJ, Ashley, morning, night, sleep....whatever means, because developmentally he is at a very young toddler stage. And although I am sure that Chris and Jac know that Nick does not know the meaning of "I love you", hearing him say it may be enough to evoke the memories THEY have when he did know, to hold them over until he does again. They also feared Nick would NEVER be able to even say those words just a year or 2 ago so, although the meaning/emotion is not there YET, he is now in the race!

Edited by WireWrap
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