S01.E01: Is Love Blind?

[Jane Tuesday]

Quote

This season's singles enter the dating pods and talk romance, religion and sexuality. Who will feel a spark... and who will find a soulmate?

 

[aradia22]

S1E1: My immediate thought as with a lot of reality shows... these people are not the ages they are claiming to be. Most look older than their stated ages.

I feel like it's weird that the living areas look like an early 2000's reality show set and the pods are this fancy thing (well, at least when they are shot from above).

I was curious if any of the daters would have some compatibility that the show pre-determined. Otherwise, it's a big ask to find your potential soulmate at speed dating. Even with physical attraction removed, how often is your perfect match going to be in such a small sample size? 

I also wondered if the producers gave them some rules about describing their physical appearance and what would happen if someone broke a rule. It's hard to talk about yourself in a real way without talking about your ethnicity or your background. Given the problems with The Bachelor/Bachelorette, I think I was most curious if we might actually get interracial couples because the white contestants wouldn't know who they were talking to. But, I mean, we immediately saw a couple where the guy revealed that he was Mexican and the girl revealed her age. That doesn't give everything away but it is a hint at what they look like... like, if you were playing Guess Who. A lot of the other daters gave away similar info but less explicitly. 

I was very skeptical to begin with. I do think physical attraction and having compatible backgrounds (not necessarily ethnicity and age but those can apply) are important. And then there are the non-physical things like living near to each other and having similar schedules. And watching the daters talk, it brought home the importance of all those nonverbal cues when you're talking to someone. It's harder to flirt just with your voice. It's more difficult to make a connection.

It was mean but funny to see Carlton peace out and reject one girl based on her personality. 

It was interesting how quickly a lot of the daters started to fixate on the other person's voice as a measure of attraction. Like, oh, this person sounds sexy. As someone who listens to a lot of podcasts, I know plenty of people don't look like what you might think from the way they sound. I did notice that Jessica had a different voice in the pods than in her talking heads. It was a kind of Paris Hilton baby voice with a tiny bit of vocal fry. 

There's a kind of Bachelor in Paradise thing where I think if you're smart, you suss out who is making connections and you avoid going after the same guy or girl unless you think you really have something.

I'm a sap. When Cameron and Lauren exchanged "I love you's" I totally fell for it. I do think it was infatuation at the most but it was still adorable.

I think it's very much possible that the producers prompt them with potential subjects before they go in the room and I'm sure they push them in the talking heads but I like that it doesn't feel as fake as The Bachelor. It feels like they're talking about what they want to talk about rather than reciting tragic backstories or explaining quirky hobbies that make them stand out.

It was a little jarring to focus on a few couples and then keep seeing all these other daters who we didn't know anything about talking to them back in the living quarters. 

I didn't like Barnett and Jessica as much as Cameron and Lauren. I feel like B/J were drawn to each other's Ken and Barbie energy over making connections with people who would challenge them. It felt like they looked for their "types" even if they couldn't see the other person.

[Jane Tuesday]

There are so many people, and we're getting time with so few, it's a little frustrating.  Oh well.

I was hoping this show would be total cringe, but it was actually kind of... sweet?

My first impressions:

Lauren and Cameron are love.  They both seem like such sweet, genuine people.  Out of everyone who was shown, I feel like they were the most sincere about truly trying to cut out the shit and find someone.  Their ILYs were premature for sure, but heartfelt.  I'm digging them separately and together.  I'm wondering if he still lives in Maine, and where she lives.  Realistically, that should be a consideration, I would think?

Carlton is a massive "no" for me.  He turned me off with his first confessional, talking about wanting to be Hugh Hefner and now it's time that he "has" to settle down and get married.  If you see it as something you "have to do", then you're not ready.  Don't waste these women's time.

Barnett is super shallow, and I think he thinks he's on a competition show.  I don't buy for one minute that he feels anything real for Jessica.  But she seems shallow, too, so maybe they're a match.  Run, Mark!

Mark seems sweet, but he latched onto Jessica way too quickly considering the lack of depth in the conversations they showed us.

Amber and Diamond (and anyone else I'm forgetting) are just kind of there.

Why did they even bother hiring the Lacheys?  lol

[2727]

8 hours ago, Jane Tuesday said:

Carlton is a massive "no" for me.

Thinks he's all that, pffft.

[SFoster21]

Just started watching.  These guys are not sincere.  Barnett?  Counting on her walking.  That is his game.  Blame it on her for her failure to be “open-minded.”

whatta creep

 

[PityFree]

I got really annoyed with Jessica when she started going on about how because Mark‘s parents were from Mexico he was from another race. My eyes rolled out of my head.

The women in general are better looking than the guys. But that’s probably because it was more difficult to recruit men for this experiment and women are usually more forgiving about looks.

Also, Jessica (and many of these women) talks with such a nasally voice.  Some even add vocal fry on top of that. Ugh. How can men stand it??? Blow your nose, Jessica!

The Lacheys. Dear gawd. I have no idea why they were chosen to host this show other than they had no budget for a host and the Lacheys were the only people willing to work for the low salary plus a free trip to Mexico. It’s only a matter of time before the couple is hocking vitamin supplements or ninja blenders on infomercials. 

[Racj82]

4 hours ago, PityFree said:

I got really annoyed with Jessica when she started going on about how because Mark‘s parents were from Mexico he was from another race. My eyes rolled out of my head.

The women in general are better looking than the guys. But that’s probably because it was more difficult to recruit men for this experiment and women are usually more forgiving about looks.

Also, Jessica (and many of these women) talks with such a nasally voice.  Some even add vocal fry on top of that. Ugh. How can men stand it??? Blow your nose, Jessica!

The Lacheys. Dear gawd. I have no idea why they were chosen to host this show other than they had no budget for a host and the Lacheys were the only people willing to work for the low salary plus a free trip to Mexico. It’s only a matter of time before the couple is hocking vitamin supplements or ninja blenders on infomercials. 

When is this notion that women are more forgiving than men when it comes to looks going to die?

All these types of shows I watch. I see it all the time. The women are far more likely to run from someone they are not attracted too. I see it in the real world all the time. A lot of people are superficial. What percentage of what gender is more likely to reject someone based on looks is insignificant. 

No one on here is drop dead gorgeous anyway. Not ugly at all but no room here for most of them to be shallow. And yet several of them would/will be because ones looks does not stop them from being shallow.

[SFoster21]

In my earlier post, I said “Barnett” when I meant Carlton.  I mean, the guy first appears in lace and a purple suit with this cartoon beard going on about how fine he knows he is, but he has to “settle down.”  Then casually remarks that he is not strictly heterosexual and HAS HAD HOMOSEXUAL LOVE AFFAIRS in the past.  Not just a restroom guy then.  I mean... how desperate would a woman be?  The girl he picked seems just as superficial, but hardly interested in that.  As someone above pointed out, you won’t find that at random.  Still, he expects the “wife” he has chosen to do his bidding and not judge.  Whatta creep.
 

Now Barnett is a player.  He had three women in love with him sight unseen.  And the sight is nice.  He is here for fun and resume.

But virtually all these folks mentioned being aware of their looks and how they felt their good looks foreclosed intimacy with partners.  So none of them expected rejection for looks.  So Mark, who is quite cute, cannot cut it with Jessica, who wants a blond jock.  Everyone is equally manicured and coiffed, but all is not equal.

[OldButHappy]

 

 

Ha!  Just started this show (15 minutes in) and have lots to say (b/c I'm procrastinating on paperwork):

On 2/13/2020 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

I think I was most curious if we might actually get interracial couples because the white contestants wouldn't know who they were talking to. But, I mean, we immediately saw a couple where the guy revealed that he was Mexican and the girl revealed her age.

What about the dude who told the black woman she sounded black?  She lied (and I loved her for it), saying she's white, and he, immediately, leaned in. Yuk.

On 2/16/2020 at 3:08 AM, Racj82 said:

But that’s probably because it was more difficult to recruit men for this experiment and women are usually more forgiving about looks.

Agree, and these producers were smart to cast much better looking people than those I've seen on similar shows. I've observed that men tend to upvote themselves 3 points on the 1-10 looks scale, while we tend to downvote ourselves 2 points from what an unbiased observer might think...

On 2/16/2020 at 3:08 AM, Racj82 said:

The women are far more likely to run from someone they are not attracted too.

There is no science more fraught with nonsense than sociobiology...but...my experience is that we have really strong, yet unconscious, reactions to pheromones and visual cues that are independent of social cues like money and power.  We've developed those systems for millions of years to keep this whole human race thing going.  So I think that sometimes our choices seem capricious to men. But I've met several men through my life who were smoking hot but not for me - when the chemistry is wrong, it's a dealbreaker.

On 2/16/2020 at 5:59 AM, SFoster21 said:

Then casually remarks that he is not strictly heterosexual and HAS HAD HOMOSEXUAL LOVE AFFAIRS in the past.  

I lived in South Beach for 30 years and had lots of gay pals who consistently reported that 80% of men in gay bars during happy hour after work were straight.  Even factoring in my friends' general tendency to use story-enriching exaggeration, it was an interesting insight that I would not otherwise have imagined.

Wait????  Someone got engaged???? On episode ???? Another couple already had an "Are you mad at me?" fight???Ha!  Too many names, but I am IN.

Edited February 17, 2020 by OldButHappy
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[Lovecat]

I'm only 10 minutes in, but I find myself wondering why these women are dolled up like they're going to a Rose Ceremony on the Bachelor.  I think I may have inadvertently given Jessica a gynecological exam when she re-crossed her legs.  Most of those dresses looked so binding and uncomfortable--not what I'd wear to relax and get to know a potential partner.

[JTMacc99]

2 minutes ago, Lovecat said:

I'm only 10 minutes in, but I find myself wondering why these women are dolled up like they're going to a Rose Ceremony on the Bachelor.

It does feel like they were instructed to dress that way...  because this is their First Date!

 

[Neurochick]

On 2/13/2020 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

I do think physical attraction and having compatible backgrounds (not necessarily ethnicity and age but those can apply) are important.

If that is true, then what happens with people who are blind, who can't see what the other person looks like? 

I actually think people get blinded by what they see.  Backgrounds are more important than what someone looks like.

What's interesting about this show is these people are spending ALL their time 24/7 looking for love, they have absolutely no distractions.  The reason it's hard for most people is that we all have distractions, things to do, work, family obligations, etc.  If all you had to do was look for love, it would probably be quite simple.

On 2/13/2020 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

Given the problems with The Bachelor/Bachelorette, I think I was most curious if we might actually get interracial couples because the white contestants wouldn't know who they were talking to.

???? I don't get this.  Just the white contestants wouldn't know?  Maybe the black contestants wouldn't know either.  My voice has fooled people of all races, meaning most people assume that I am white, because of my voice. 

[aradia22]

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If that is true, then what happens with people who are blind, who can't see what the other person looks like? 

I feel like there's an assumption that everyone lives the same experience. Which is not even true even if you've more fully assimilated into American culture. There are so many things that go into compatibility. There are societal pressures that help define what physical attributes and styles you find attractive. There are cultural bonds that get created via ethnicity, age/generation, education, region/location, etc. 

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???? I don't get this.  Just the white contestants wouldn't know?  Maybe the black contestants wouldn't know either.  My voice has fooled people of all races, meaning most people assume that I am white, because of my voice. 

I meant that the white contestants on the Bachelor/Bachelorette tend to eliminate all the non-white contestants early on so not knowing that might help people make connections with people they might have written off if they could see them. 

[Jeanne222]

Just curious.  What network is this show on?  Just did a search on my tv and nothing!  Love is blind!

[JenE4]

7 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

Just curious.  What network is this show on?  Just did a search on my tv and nothing!  Love is blind!

It’s on Netflix.

[roseslg]

why is everyone dressed up like they are going to the club?  I'd be in sweats and flip-flops, no makeup.  Also, I know they ply them with booze, but jeez (i say this as I was drinking a glass of wine and watching).  Jessica and Amber are hella annoying. Carlton is hella annoying.  The guy they are fighting over is hella annoying.

 

Some of what passes as deep id laughable. Yet, I watch. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Neurochick]

On 2/20/2020 at 10:26 PM, aradia22 said:

There are societal pressures that help define what physical attributes and styles you find attractive. There are cultural bonds that get created via ethnicity, age/generation, education, region/location, etc. 

Physical attributes and styles people find attractive change with time.  I went to college in the 1970's, at that time there were looks people didn't find attractive that are considered attractive now. 

[Elligirl]

On 2/15/2020 at 10:53 PM, PityFree said:

Also, Jessica (and many of these women) talks with such a nasally voice.  Some even add vocal fry on top of that. Ugh. How can men stand it??? Blow your nose, Jessica!

Her voice was annoying me and then I noticed she spoke with a deeper less cutesy voice when talking to the other women, so then I was doubly annoyed. 

[PityFree]

I needed something on in the background for noise so I re-watched this episode. It struck me that both the men and the women were giving all kinds of cues that they were conventionally attractive. For example, Amber made sure to mention that she had been a cheerleader; some of the men talked about playing sports; Jessica talked about how people think she’s such a girly, girl when they see her; etc. 

It was interesting to me that some of the people who did this show who usually relied on their looks made certain to convey that information even when their dates couldn’t see them.

[carrin817]

Side notes:

The Lacheys needed to be there...Why? 

Amber is trying to be a guys girl.  She is telling everyone how rough & tough she is.

Jessica said to Barnett "tell me what you want?  You want this other thing done tomorrow, I'll do it".  That is not following her heart it's following his directions!

Absolutely no date shown with the virgin

Do they have to propose before they actually see each other?  According to the preview it looks like some of the daters left the reveal heartbroken.

Barnett is not there for "the right reasons"

[JTMacc99]

1 hour ago, carrin817 said:

Do they have to propose before they actually see each other?

Yes.  

[DearEvette]

Ok I am finally jumping onto this train because all my people are talking about it and it sounds like... something...

First impressions

I agree with @Jane Tuesday that Barnett thinks this is a competition.  He is acting like he needs to collect a rose or something to stay in this.  Dude just comes off as kinda pervy, tbh.

I am not gonna lie, I cackled when Carleton left the room while Amber was still talking.  Although while I could respect the sentiment - yeah why waste time when you know it just isn't working -- I wish he would have at least said 'Hey, you know, I am just not feeling this so think it is best we just cut this short.'

Also, not gonna lie, but he raised a few flags for me with his revelation that he was bisexual.  And not because he said he was bi, because the way he said it it didn't feel like he was saying he was bi, it really came across as someone who was trying to suppress being bi and trying to force himself into a solely hetero relationship.  Also, I did not like that 'nurturing' line he said about women.  I mean, are you looking for a wife or a mother?  I kinda question why he feels he can only limit himself to women to find that sort of relationship?

Jessica is kinda... messy.  She is gonna be messy isn't she?

Amber is trying way too hard to be the girl who is 'not like other girls.'  She is selling that 'I'm just a like a dude, but sexy!

Lauren/Cameron -- holy cow.  I am kinda... liking them.  Yikes.  I kinda had second hand embarrassment when they said 'I love you' on day 4.  And I realize that they probably spent a lot more time talking than what we see.  Still, though, yikes!  But the conversation right after was kinda... sweet.   And you could see the 'oh holy fuck what is happening here...' revelation on both their faces and it didn't read as fake to me. They made my cold, cynical heart thaw a bit.

[aradia22]

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Amber is trying to be a guys girl.  She is telling everyone how rough & tough she is.

Quote

Amber is trying way too hard to be the girl who is 'not like other girls.'  She is selling that 'I'm just a like a dude, but sexy!

I think the term you're looking for is "cool girl." 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEKNFX7LWRk

[rebel2u]

On 2/17/2020 at 1:20 PM, OldButHappy said:

What about the dude who told the black woman she sounded black?  She lied (and I loved her for it), saying she's white, and he, immediately, leaned in. Yuk.

Yeah, I saw that, but I don't begrudge anyone for wanting to date within their race. If you're Asian, black, white, whatever, if you want to date and marry only within your race, I think that's a valid and acceptable choice.  Now, I don't know what the prerequisites were for taking part in the show; if they were told that one of the requirements was to be willing to "date" and  possibly marry outside their race and they agreed to that, then tried to eliminate a participant from their dating/marriage pool by trying to suss out their race by commenting on their voice, then yes, that would be grounds for being removed from the show imo. 

 

[Melina22]

I've put off watching this for ages. I've never watched a single Bachelor type show because I hate fake romances. But one of my daughters kept bugging me to watch, and I'm not going to lie, I was fascinated. 

I was relieved to see my worst fears weren't realized, and that the producers had created a pretty level playing field, looks-wise. It's true that some of the people are a little more attractive than others, but not to such an extent that the "fiancés" would gasp in shock or embarrassment when they saw each other.

I did wonder if the cast had been assured that all their prospects were at least reasonably, conventionally attractive. Otherwise, I wonder if they would have been able to find enough people for the season. Plus... it could have been so cruel. "I thought I loved you but now I see you... ewwww." 

I expect Lauren and the scientist to like each other's looks though. Just a hunch. 

Jessica is coming off as a flake though. 

I didn't like Carleton being allowed to keep such a big personal secret from Diamond though. It seems unethical. What if they get married before he tells her? 

[Empress1]

6 hours ago, Melina22 said:

Plus... it could have been so cruel. "I thought I loved you but now I see you... ewwww." 

I really would not have wanted to see someone's face fall when they saw their person. Apparently that happened on the first season of Married at First Sight (though that couple remains married and now has a child).

[Ilovepie]

A couple of my friends that know I watch MAFS told me to watch this, and holy cow! I am here for it! This has to be trashy, right????

I have only watched the first episode, but already Jessica and Barnett are on my last nerve. Barnett is the type of guy I would run from after 5 minutes. He's a dick for sure, so of course she likes him. Good luck to her.

I love Cameron and Lauren. I hope they don't turn out to be terrible. I think the fact that he lives in Maine and she doesn't could be problematic though.

Why exactly are the Lacheys here????

I loved that everyone was totally decked out on day one and by day four they were schlepping into those pods in sweats and no shoes.......

Why are there sooooo many people there but they only focused on a handful? My sister who has watched the whole season says not everyone makes it out of the pod phase. It might be interesting to see some of that too.......

I have reached my last straw with this season of MAFS, so this is going to be taking it's place. Thank you Netflix!!!!

[EarlGreyTea]

On 2/15/2020 at 9:30 PM, SFoster21 said:

Just started watching.  These guys are not sincere.  Barnett?  Counting on her walking.  That is his game.  Blame it on her for her failure to be “open-minded.”

whatta creep

 

I was liking Barnett and thought he was cute....right up until his comment about Diamond being a stripper name. I'd have walked right out the door if I was her. Asshole. I hope he ends up alone.

[Kiss my mutt]

I just climbed aboard the Blind Date party train after my son, of all people watched a few episodes and said I would like it. Lol

The clincher to me was how how sweet Cameron and Lauren we’re together. My defenses have come down but Barnett and Carleton got my back up and the guy who went straight to “you sound African American”.  Army girl is probably the only one that could keep him in his place, but who wants that for a job? 
If Carleton is bi, maybe they should have some men he can date. 
 

 

[Ilovepie]

4 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

The clincher to me was how how sweet Cameron and Lauren we’re together.

Me too! Too much reality tv has me worried it’s going to go south quickly though.....

[Court]

On 2/19/2020 at 1:22 PM, Lovecat said:

I'm only 10 minutes in, but I find myself wondering why these women are dolled up like they're going to a Rose Ceremony on the Bachelor.  I think I may have inadvertently given Jessica a gynecological exam when she re-crossed her legs.  Most of those dresses looked so binding and uncomfortable--not what I'd wear to relax and get to know a potential partner.

I wondered this too. I'd be all in yoga pants and a t-shirt. If the goal is marriage, you might as well get by real self.

Why the heck does Jessica talk in such a baby voice in the pods instead of what I assume is her real voice in the talking heads? 

 

What happened to the people that didn't get paired up? 

[DearEvette]

I think they were only really dressed up that first meet.  It was the same day, iirc, that Vanessa came in and gave her big speech.  So it was probably the very first day they were on camera.  They knew this was going to be on tv.

I am not gonna lie, I comb my hair and put on some lip gloss when all I know I am gonna do is go to the gas station to pump gas.  LOL.  So I can imagine these women are thinking, hey I am gonna be on Netflix with 51 million subscribers, I can't go looking broke-down.  Also, they had no idea what to expect with the pod dates. They do dress way down later as they get more comfortable in the pods. 

[nlkm9]

On 2/13/2020 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

S1E1: My immediate thought as with a lot of reality shows... these people are not the ages they are claiming to be. Most look older than their stated ages.

I feel like it's weird that the living areas look like an early 2000's reality show set and the pods are this fancy thing (well, at least when they are shot from above).

I was curious if any of the daters would have some compatibility that the show pre-determined. Otherwise, it's a big ask to find your potential soulmate at speed dating. Even with physical attraction removed, how often is your perfect match going to be in such a small sample size? 

I also wondered if the producers gave them some rules about describing their physical appearance and what would happen if someone broke a rule. It's hard to talk about yourself in a real way without talking about your ethnicity or your background. Given the problems with The Bachelor/Bachelorette, I think I was most curious if we might actually get interracial couples because the white contestants wouldn't know who they were talking to. But, I mean, we immediately saw a couple where the guy revealed that he was Mexican and the girl revealed her age. That doesn't give everything away but it is a hint at what they look like... like, if you were playing Guess Who. A lot of the other daters gave away similar info but less explicitly. 

I was very skeptical to begin with. I do think physical attraction and having compatible backgrounds (not necessarily ethnicity and age but those can apply) are important. And then there are the non-physical things like living near to each other and having similar schedules. And watching the daters talk, it brought home the importance of all those nonverbal cues when you're talking to someone. It's harder to flirt just with your voice. It's more difficult to make a connection.

It was mean but funny to see Carlton peace out and reject one girl based on her personality. 

It was interesting how quickly a lot of the daters started to fixate on the other person's voice as a measure of attraction. Like, oh, this person sounds sexy. As someone who listens to a lot of podcasts, I know plenty of people don't look like what you might think from the way they sound. I did notice that Jessica had a different voice in the pods than in her talking heads. It was a kind of Paris Hilton baby voice with a tiny bit of vocal fry. 

There's a kind of Bachelor in Paradise thing where I think if you're smart, you suss out who is making connections and you avoid going after the same guy or girl unless you think you really have something.

I'm a sap. When Cameron and Lauren exchanged "I love you's" I totally fell for it. I do think it was infatuation at the most but it was still adorable.

I think it's very much possible that the producers prompt them with potential subjects before they go in the room and I'm sure they push them in the talking heads but I like that it doesn't feel as fake as The Bachelor. It feels like they're talking about what they want to talk about rather than reciting tragic backstories or explaining quirky hobbies that make them stand out.

It was a little jarring to focus on a few couples and then keep seeing all these other daters who we didn't know anything about talking to them back in the living quarters. 

I didn't like Barnett and Jessica as much as Cameron and Lauren. I feel like B/J were drawn to each other's Ken and Barbie energy over making connections with people who would challenge them. It felt like they looked for their "types" even if they couldn't see the other person.

I watched it last nite and my first reaction was everyone was fairly to very attractive. they obviously casted with physical appearance in mind, because noone was super overweight or what would be considered unattractive. 

[Lunula]

On 2/13/2020 at 5:44 PM, aradia22 said:

I was curious if any of the daters would have some compatibility that the show pre-determined. Otherwise, it's a big ask to find your potential soulmate at speed dating. Even with physical attraction removed, how often is your perfect match going to be in such a small sample size? 

I have just started binging the show, but maybe a primary point of the show is to illustrate that so many of us have this very narrow idea of "what we want in a mate" when in truth, if we really got to know people without the baggage of "what he/she looks like" we would find we can have deep connections with more individuals than we would otherwise imagine. 

I can see it as a valid experiment, though we've clearly met a few people already who I strongly feel will not be able to overcome their insecurities of being with someone they may not immediately deem as physically "attractive enough" after they meet. 

I think S2 should all be divorcees - what better group could we have than people who divorced after marry the "wrong" person? One would hope they learned something from the experience and would be better at choosing a future mate based on connection and compatibility rather than physical appearance.  

Edited April 9, 2020 by Lunula
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[aradia22]

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I have just started binging the show, but maybe a primary point of the show is to illustrate that so many of us have this very narrow idea of "what we want in a mate" when in truth, if we really got to know people without the baggage of "what he/she looks like" we would find we can have deep connections with more individuals than we would otherwise imagine. 

I... don't think that's actually true. I think you can certainly get along with a lot of people. And in a very general way you can share interests... the way that everyone on dating sites talks about travel and Netflix and pizza. But that's not a deep connection. I think that kind of shallow connection is what contributes to the breakdown of a relationship past the initial attraction and infatuation when you don't share a lot of real interests and you don't have compatible values and priorities on a more minute level. 

[DearEvette]

1 hour ago, Lunula said:

I have just started binging the show, but maybe a primary point of the show is to illustrate that so many of us have this very narrow idea of "what we want in a mate" when in truth, if we really got to know people without the baggage of "what he/she looks like" we would find we can have deep connections with more individuals than we would otherwise imagine.

Yeah, I think this is kind of what they are trying to show and I think to use Cameron's words it depends on 'the confounding variables' of the people involved.  For some people something like this would never work because I they are hardwired to receive/give romance in a certain way.

I do think that you can miss out on a potentially great romantic partner if you dismiss someone out of hand because they don't necessarily fit into your 'normal type' when it comes to looks. 

For instance, I don't doubt that if Lauren saw Cameron in a bar, she would have never really given him a second thought.  She might have found him objectively attractive but  she never out-dated, so may have sub-consciously or even consciously dismissed him out of hand as a potential romantic partner.

Getting to know him this way, she was able to accept that he may not be black and get to like him without that self-imposed impediment.

That is not to say that people in the pods are not also self-selecting on superficial appearance-based things they learn (the one guy who looked way more interested in Lauren when she lied that she was white, for instance), but it is be harder to dismiss right off the bat because at least they have an initial conversation that might pique their interest.  Whereas the other way, they wouldn't have even gotten to that step.

I also think it is possible to get blinded by a person's looks and to let that be the driving factor in how to receive them, so you dismiss or downplay things that might be a better predictor of whether or not you are compatible.

But even all that is a crap shoot, because in the end what something like this can't account for is physical chemistry.  Even if you are super compatible and you are in alignment on everything and you have the best connection and you are both smoking hot and like each others' looks, you can still just not feel it at all.  Because that  -- that physical spark thing where your pheromones are singing in harmony -- is just missing.

[Lunula]

5 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I... don't think that's actually true. I think you can certainly get along with a lot of people. And in a very general way you can share interests... the way that everyone on dating sites talks about travel and Netflix and pizza. But that's not a deep connection. I think that kind of shallow connection is what contributes to the breakdown of a relationship past the initial attraction and infatuation when you don't share a lot of real interests and you don't have compatible values and priorities on a more minute level. 

I liken it to the deep, lasting connections I made with people who lived on my hall in my college dorm freshman year. We certainly had a limited pool of people, but my three closest friends - 30 years later - are still those women. I didn't choose those friends based on looks, it was purely proximity, repeated contact, talking a lot and developing a deep connection. I know it's not exactly the same as a romantic relationship, but I consider them kindred spirits. I have never believed in the concept of "perfect match" or "soulmate" but I do believe in kindred spirits. 

Now, are these people really achieving that? I can definitely see a few who I don't think will be able to form deep connections due to shallow thinking (as you also mentioned) - but would they be able to do that by seeing someone first? (I'm guessing not, since they are on the show!) 

Yeah, I do agree, it is a small dating pool and I wonder also if any compatibility matching was done ahead of time to help the odds. I was pretty shocked at the speed this is all taking place - what is it, a week or something? Seems like if they really wanted to form those strong bonds they'd need longer than a week? People saying, "I love you" in a couple of days? I cringed, literally cringed, at that. I wish them well, but it made me feel a little sick!