Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[ganesh]

Friendly advice, just get a roll of athletic tape. You can wrap tissue or tp on a cut and just wrap the tape around. Even for really bad cuts. Athletic tape has a better seal and is water proof. (Clean the cut thoroughly obvs) One roll will last a year+ easy. 

[Sandman87]

On Sunday, September 11, 2016 at 3:30 PM, lordonia said:

Would orange juice work as a disinfectant?

No, but it's great for torturing people by pouring it into wounds.

[paulvdb]

On 12-9-2016 at 0:30 AM, lordonia said:

Would orange juice work as a disinfectant?

No. You have to take a bottle of an alcoholic beverage, pour some on the wound and then drink some from the bottle.

[DeLurker]

Or maybe it is the other way around - drink some and then pour some on the wound.

[atomationage]

37 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

drink some and then pour some on the wound.

Or drink most of the bottle, and save a little to cleanse the wound. 

Only on TV, temporary blindness starts to go away when the person is witnessing some major plot point. 

[ganesh]

And amnesia!

[Sandman87]

And debilitating depression! To be replaced by righteous rage of ass-kicking!

[topanga]

Only on TV do people avoid marrying the wrong person when their true love appears at the wedding, making them realize the error of their ways. 

[proserpina65]

1 hour ago, topanga said:

Only on TV do people avoid marrying the wrong person when their true love appears at the wedding, making them realize the error of their ways. 

Except for those times when they say the name of their true love at the altar but continue to marry the other person anyway.  (Why, exactly, did Emily go ahead with marrying Ross after he said Rachel's name?)

Edited September 15, 2016 by proserpina65
had to alter 'alter' to 'altar'

[topanga]

56 minutes ago, proserpina65 said:

Except for those times when they say the name of their true love at the altar but continue to marry the other person anyway.  (Why, exactly, did Emily go ahead with marrying Ross after he said Rachel's name?)

Ha! That's the show I was thinking about. That, and A Different World. But I'm not a Friends fan, so I don't know what happened next.

[DearEvette]

I wonder how often in real life someone actually does interrupt a wedding to scream out "Don't marry him!  Marry me"  and the Bride is obviously torn and in love with the screamer? 

[ganesh]

The chances of me having any remotely sort of a traditional wedding are infinitesimal. However, *if* I ever did, I would make a massive tv parody wedding. 

Who hasn't wanted to shout when they say "speak now!"

[kiddo82]

Can I come?  That sounds awesome.

[Raja]

5 hours ago, DearEvette said:

I wonder how often in real life someone actually does interrupt a wedding to scream out "Don't marry him!  Marry me"  and the Bride is obviously torn and in love with the screamer? 

Please baby, please

[paulvdb]

Only on tv is someone dead after you put a pillow over their face for 5 seconds. I know that's probably because people would change the channel if they made the scene as long as it would really take to kill someone like that, but everytime it happens I expect the victim to just get up and walk away.

[shapeshifter]

Only on tv or movies — especially scifi and "genre" fare — someone who appears to be fatally shot, stabbed, or eaten by wild animals should be assumed to be still alive if no dead body is shown, even if it is not a vampire show.

[Joe]

37 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Only on tv or movies — especially scifi and "genre" fare — someone who appears to be fatally shot, stabbed, or eaten by wild animals should be assumed to be still alive if no dead body is shown, even if it is not a vampire show.

And even then it's not a sure thing. Sometimes it's a double. Sometimes they can heal. Sometimes they're resurrected from the dead. The only way to kill them off for real is for them to leave the show.

[Haleth]

3 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Only on tv or movies — especially scifi and "genre" fare — someone who appears to be fatally shot, stabbed, or eaten by wild animals should be assumed to be still alive if no dead body is shown, even if it is not a vampire show.

Especially if there is a dumpster handy.

[topanga]

4 hours ago, paulvdb said:

Only on tv is someone dead after you put a pillow over their face for 5 seconds. I know that's probably because people would change the channel if they made the scene as long as it would really take to kill someone like that, but everytime it happens I expect the victim to just get up and walk away.

How do you know how long it takes to smother someone?  Hmmm....

[proserpina65]

18 hours ago, topanga said:

Ha! That's the show I was thinking about. That, and A Different World. But I'm not a Friends fan, so I don't know what happened next.

Divorce number for Ross, the Divorcer.

[paulvdb]

1 hour ago, topanga said:

How do you know how long it takes to smother someone?  Hmmm....

I didn't know exactly, but I knew it had to be longer than is usually shown on tv. After your post I did some searching and confirmed that it will take minutes. There are records of trained divers going 20 minutes without oxygen, but that's after hyperventilating to increase the oxygen in their blood. Without that sort of preparation it wouldn't take that long but probably between 5 and 10 minutes. After that even if the victim survives they'd have serious brain damage.

[DeLurker]

7 hours ago, paulvdb said:

Only on tv is someone dead after you put a pillow over their face for 5 seconds. I know that's probably because people would change the channel if they made the scene as long as it would really take to kill someone like that, but everytime it happens I expect the victim to just get up and walk away.

I'm always waiting for the victim fakeout - they struggle, then play dead and when the attacker lets the pillow go, they throttle him.

[atomationage]

The fakeouts have gotten so common that, in one series that I used to watched, people wouldn't believe that a character was dead when he was shot right in the forehead.  

[zxy556575]

1 hour ago, atomationage said:

The fakeouts have gotten so common that, in one series that I used to watched, people wouldn't believe that a character was dead when he was shot right in the forehead.  

But it could have been a clone!

[ABay]

On Lost, I didn't really notice at first that Jack--DR. Jack Shepard--never checked the pulse of the allegedly dead because there was usually some Smoke Monster or other hovering and it wasn't immediately apparent that the Island had special powers other than Smoke Monsters. But by the 3rd time someone assumed dead shows up again, very much alive and annoying, maybe you should remember you're a doctor and check that throat or wrist, huh?

[Shannon L.]

2 hours ago, lordonia said:

3 hours ago, atomationage said:

The fakeouts have gotten so common that, in one series that I used to watched, people wouldn't believe that a character was dead when he was shot right in the forehead.  

But it could have been a clone!

Well, Rod Randall was brought back from the dead after being decapitated.......*

*Yes, it's a movie reference, but I couldn't resist  :)

Edited September 16, 2016 by Shannon L.

[Cherpumple]

I love you for making that reference Shannon L! I heard he was saved in a precedent setting two-day operation. I guess it was less serious than having a rare case of brake fluid..... bran fluid..... bran flavor.... or what the Austrians call "kopfgeschlagen".

[Cobalt Stargazer]

5 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

Well, Rod Randall was brought back from the dead after being decapitated.......*

*Yes, it's a movie reference, but I couldn't resist  :)

On a similar note, on the actual soap opera Days Of Our Lives, a character named Jack died and his organs were harvested for transplant, and then he came back to life a few years later.

[DittyDotDot]

10 minutes ago, Cobalt Stargazer said:

On a similar note, on the actual soap opera Days Of Our Lives, a character named Jack died and his organs were harvested for transplant, and then he came back to life a few years later.

Pfft, they probably weren't the important organs, right? ;)

[atomationage]

Speaking of DAYS, only on TV can the same doctor perform any possible kind of medical procedure that the plot might require, even brain surgery, or a  heart transplant involving putting the heart back in after it was stolen by another evil doctor who wanted to sell it.   You could go on forever with DAYS.  Besides Jack D, How many lives has The Evil Stefano had?   Another one on DAYS, people trapped in coffins never have to drink anything, but they're not dehydrated at all, and are able to speak to their menacing captors for as long as the plot requires. 

Edited September 16, 2016 by atomationage

[MaryPatShelby]

We need a new thread called Only on Soap Operas.  That would be incredible!

[Moose135]

It's just a flesh wound...

[zxy556575]

I don't know about you guys, but if I wake up after a bad dream, I do not bolt upright in bed, sweating and panting loudly enough to scare the neighbors. Yet every single person on TV does that.

[ABay]

Brothers on TV never call each other by their names, they always address each as "brother." At least in scripted dramas and especially those in historical settings. One brother is always evil, too.

[ohjoy]

Or, if they (or any other siblings) do call each other by name, they use their names way more than normal -- almost every sentence or paragraph starts or ends with the sibling's name.

[shapeshifter]

40 minutes ago, RandomMe said:

Or, if they (or any other siblings) do call each other by name, they use their names way more than normal -- almost every sentence or paragraph starts or ends with the sibling's name.

Like on Numb3rs:
Charlie...
Don...
Chuck...
Donny...
Charles...

[ChromaKelly]

58 minutes ago, RandomMe said:

Or, if they (or any other siblings) do call each other by name, they use their names way more than normal -- almost every sentence or paragraph starts or ends with the sibling's name.

People on TV use other people's names a lot more than IRL life, especially siblings, spouses, close friends. I can't tell you the last time I've called my husband by his name. It feels weird when I do.

[Shannon L.]

I was going to post about names myself. It seems that no matter how often you do business the same people over the years, you must address them by their first and last name when talking about them-even when there is no one else by that name that you could be talking about. Case in point: Jack Bauer on 24. "It's Jack Bauer", "Get Jack Bauer on the line", "Jack Bauer will handle it".  I've heard this on tons of shows over the years.

[DittyDotDot]

26 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

I was going to post about names myself. It seems that no matter how often you do business the same people over the years, you must address them by their first and last name when talking about them-even when there is no one else by that name that you could be talking about. Case in point: Jack Bauer on 24. "It's Jack Bauer", "Get Jack Bauer on the line", "Jack Bauer will handle it".  I've heard this on tons of shows over the years.

And, they put their full name into the cell phones rather than just their first name or their nickname. 

[Moose135]

5 minutes ago, DittyDotDot said:

And, they put their full name into the cell phones rather than just their first name or their nickname. 

I do that...

[DittyDotDot]

9 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

I do that...

Really? Even for your family? I really thought that was only on TV so the audience could know it was Joshua Johnson calling rather than Joshua...whatever. 

[Moose135]

Yes, family, friends, everyone.  It all syncs with Outlook, and keeps everything in order.

[DeLurker]

If someone is sadly watching old home movies, when the video is over it will always show a greyed out screen with black & white static.  Doesn't matter if they are watching old timey reel-to-reel, vhs, dvd, ...

[ganesh]

4 hours ago, Moose135 said:

And, they put their full name into the cell phones rather than just their first name or their nickname.

I rarely use my phone to communicate with anyone. So I have a short contact list, but it's got full names, email address, etc. 

[Anela]

On 9/16/2016 at 5:16 AM, Joe said:

And even then it's not a sure thing. Sometimes it's a double. Sometimes they can heal. Sometimes they're resurrected from the dead. The only way to kill them off for real is for them to leave the show.

Sometimes they're kidnapped and given plastic surgery, so that they can return as a new actor or actress. Then if the original actor wants to come back, they're suddenly an imposter, and the spouse is caught in one of those horrible love triangles. 

On 9/16/2016 at 8:36 AM, Haleth said:

Especially if there is a dumpster handy.

haha!

On 9/16/2016 at 6:49 PM, Cobalt Stargazer said:

On a similar note, on the actual soap opera Days Of Our Lives, a character named Jack died and his organs were harvested for transplant, and then he came back to life a few years later.

I used to watch "Days" but don't remember that. I only watched for a few years, though (the Carly and evil Stefano years - I watched until 1994, and was glued to the "buried alive" episodes). Now I'm tempted to look up old episodes. 

5 hours ago, DittyDotDot said:

Really? Even for your family? I really thought that was only on TV so the audience could know it was Joshua Johnson calling rather than Joshua...whatever. 

I don't do that, but when I was a kid, I signed Mother's day cards with my full name. I remember mum chuckling at that.

Edited September 19, 2016 by Anela

[Sandman87]

All I know about my full name is that I'm in big trouble when someone in my family uses it.

Speaking of "dead" people who aren't dead: I once watched an anime show which had genuine demon & vampire types running around and killing people, and one of the characters got her head bitten off on screen (blood everywhere), but showed up again later perfectly fine. Was she a supernatural critter? Nope. A clone? Uh-uh. Brought back to life with magic? No. From an alternate universe? Not even. The real story: She faked her death with Hollywood special effects just to mess with the protagonist. The one situation where all those bizarre explanations would have made perfect sense...

8 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

IRL life

In real life life?

[DittyDotDot]

14 hours ago, Moose135 said:

Yes, family, friends, everyone.  It all syncs with Outlook, and keeps everything in order.

Interesting, I just put in the nicknames for my family and friends, only use full names for contacts I don't really know all that well. I already know the last names of my friends and family. Another sign the universe is a balanced place and nothing is ever "only" anywhere. ;)

10 hours ago, Anela said:

I don't do that, but when I was a kid, I signed Mother's day cards with my full name. I remember mum chuckling at that.

That is so adorable!! I can just see those cards in my head. ;)

[legaleagle53]

17 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

People on TV use other people's names a lot more than IRL life, especially siblings, spouses, close friends. I can't tell you the last time I've called my husband by his name. It feels weird when I do.

That's how I always knew I was in trouble -- any time my mother called me by my full name, I was doomed!

[ChromaKelly]

9 hours ago, Sandman87 said:

In real life life?

Sorry, I guess my fingers typed ahead of my brain. Or something.

Speaking of names - OK, now I'm not a doctor or an FBI agent or a cop or a wizard, so maybe this really does happen - calling each other by their last names. As in Mulder, Scully, House, Wilson, Cuddy, Malfoy, Potter... then you know they really love each other when they use first names.

[ganesh]

Mulder even made his parents call him Mulder.