Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[DoctorAtomic]

Sounds like my first honeymoon. 

[juno]

 

1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

You may want to make sure that there is no other way for you to get what you need out of someone's house before sneaking in because two things will happen:

1.  They will come home early, causing you to have to hide and

2.  No matter what room you hide in, you will be subjected to listening to a couple having sex. 

3. They will reveal some personal and unflattering opinions about you (I know it is amazing that the minute you are hiding in that closet they choose to reveal their innermost feelings about you).

4. They discuss the crime they just committed just before you make a noise and reveal yourself to them.

[DrSpaceman73]

The robe discussion reminds me of Jim Gaffigan and his bit about them :

"Who has time to wear a robe?  I hope I get sick so I get a chance use it". 

There is more to it, but that is the line I remember. 

[juno]

The Magical Bar

For men this magical bar will allow them to always find the "one" or the one to hook up with, and amazingly on the first time you go. It is magically full of gorgeous single women and if you are rejected there is the female bartender or wait staff to help with your pain.

For women this magical bar will also allow you to find the good looking nice guy or the guy to hook up with and it also is filled with single good looking men and if they reject you the wait staff or bartender will help with your pain.

This magical bar shows up miraculously the time in the episode when characters really need it and it will produce exactly what you need 100% of the time. I am in, who wants to go???

[DoctorAtomic]

I'm posting this from there. The bartender is so nice! 

[Hiyo]

Or the fact that people can live in a huge cosmopolitan city like New York, or LA, or Chicago, or Seattle, or wherever...and only visit one bar. And only one bar. And nowhere else.

[Mabinogia]

18 hours ago, juno said:

For women this magical bar will also allow you to find the good looking nice guy or the guy to hook up with and it also is filled with single good looking men and if they reject you the wait staff or bartender will help with your pain.

Um, what was the address? Just asking...for a friend. 

[Blergh]

20 hours ago, Hiyo said:

Or the fact that people can live in a huge cosmopolitan city like New York, or LA, or Chicago, or Seattle, or wherever...and only visit one bar. And only one bar. And nowhere else.

AND this bar somehow has barely audible background music so no one has to raise their voices much less shout at the top of their lungs for the person standing next to them to hear them! 

[Bastet]

41 minutes ago, Blergh said:

AND this bar somehow has barely audible background music so no one has to raise their voices much less shout at the top of their lungs for the person standing next to them to hear them! 

Unless a character wants to tell that person next to her or him something embarrassingly personal; then, the music is loud, necessitating a raised voice, but the music will momentarily die down between songs - just in time for the whole bar to hear this shouted revelation.

[juno]

On 3/16/2020 at 4:17 PM, Mabinogia said:

Um, what was the address? Just asking...for a friend. 

OK, it is right next to the magical apartment like on Friends that is in Manhattan but you can afford even if you don't work that much or are part time.

It is close to the magical restaurant where you can get in right away, get served right away and can yell and scream without getting kicked out. You may also meet the magical waiter or waitress that will think you are awesome and run away with you.

It is about a block away from the magical hospital where you will get treated by a determined but probably incompetent doctor that may be dating the nurse and during the treatment may kill you but you may be saved by a doctor just trying to get under the shadow of his dad the great surgeon.

[Hiyo]

Quote

the magical apartment like on Friends that is in Manhattan but you can afford even if you don't work that much or are part time.

The magical apartment on Friends had a magical relative who was paying old rent controlled rent prices that one could sublet it from 😉

[meep.meep]

No, Monica was pretending to be her dead grandmother so that she could keep paying the rent-controlled super low rent.  No sublet.

[Bort]

She wasn’t dead, she lived in Florida. Jack’s mother, apparently. It was Judy's mother who’d died.

[Hiyo]

Yes, and she was illegally subletting it from her grandmother...hence why she would have to pretend to be her grandmother on occasion.

I have to give the writers credit for at least addressing that issue. Now whenever I see a TV show with characters who can't afford a fabulous apartment, I just shrug it off and say "Eh, subletting from grandma" (kind of like "A wizard did it" lol).

[merylinkid]

One thing I realized, teenagers rarely have jobs.   Even middle class kids.    Nobody ever has to miss the Big Dance because they are scheduled for the late shift at McDonald's and couldn't get anyone to cover.    They have plenty of time to hang out with their buddies after school, no one is heading off to stock groceries at the local store.    It might be referenced occassionaly if wacky hijinks are required but that's it.   

College kids don't have jobs in summer either (that could be because shows run from Septemberish to Mayish so we don't see summer).   They always have some fabulous plan for summer.   

But yet, despite this lack of employment history, as soon as they graduate from college they have a job with a nice apartment that they are not subletting from grandma.   What do they put on their resumes?    Planned fabulous pools parties all summer?    Was in charge of social activities for my friends in high school which involved plotting, errr, planning?

[Hiyo]

If they do have jobs, it will conveniently be where all their friends hang out at anyway (think Brandon from BH 90210) or conveniently at a place owned by a parent of one of their friends, where they can basically set their own hours (and will most like be a cafe/coffee shop/restaurant).

Edited March 19, 2020 by Hiyo

[praeceptrix]

1 hour ago, merylinkid said:

One thing I realized, teenagers rarely have jobs.   Even middle class kids.    Nobody ever has to miss the Big Dance because they are scheduled for the late shift at McDonald's and couldn't get anyone to cover.    They have plenty of time to hang out with their buddies after school, no one is heading off to stock groceries at the local store.    It might be referenced occassionaly if wacky hijinks are required but that's it.   

College kids don't have jobs in summer either (that could be because shows run from Septemberish to Mayish so we don't see summer).   They always have some fabulous plan for summer.   

But yet, despite this lack of employment history, as soon as they graduate from college they have a job with a nice apartment that they are not subletting from grandma.   What do they put on their resumes?    Planned fabulous pools parties all summer?    Was in charge of social activities for my friends in high school which involved plotting, errr, planning?

One wonderful exception to this was Cordelia on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who had to work in that dress (formal wear?) store during their senior year.

Other than that, yeah, money just miraculously appears and nobody has to go without. Unless there's a Very Special Episode (& it's all back to normal the next episode).

Edited to add: Veronica Mars also had to work, as did the computer-genius character whose name I have forgotten. And some of the minor teen characters on Big Love.

Edited March 19, 2020 by praeceptrix
added a few more examples

[Hiyo]

Yeah but even that job had extremely flexible hours too, no?

[Katy M]

I've also noted that male teenagers have jobs way more than female teenagers, even in the same family.  On 90210 Brandon worked, Brenda didn't (besides her Laverne weekend).  On Growing Pains, Mike got a couple of jobs, Carol didn't until after high school.  On Happy Days, Richie had some jobs, Joni never did, but that was the '50s, so I'll let that one pass.  

[merylinkid]

All jobs have extremely flexible hours.   How else can you have long lunches with your significant other every day, be able to talk on the phone about every family issue and hang out at the bar/coffee place during daylight hours?   Unless the show is a work place show, then everyone is there all the time and has no outside life.   Family members must show up at work to discuss matters because no one goes home.

[auntlada]

7 hours ago, Katy M said:

I've also noted that male teenagers have jobs way more than female teenagers, even in the same family.  On 90210 Brandon worked, Brenda didn't (besides her Laverne weekend).  On Growing Pains, Mike got a couple of jobs, Carol didn't until after high school.  On Happy Days, Richie had some jobs, Joni never did, but that was the '50s, so I'll let that one pass.  

This does not work for Brenda, but Carol was pretty smart, so her parents might have thought her job should be school. (She was bound to get lots of scholarships.) That doesn't let out summers, though. She could have worked then. Was her proofreading (or whatever it was) job after high school? (Or was that some other girl on some other show?)

[Katy M]

24 minutes ago, auntlada said:

hat doesn't let out summers, though. She could have worked then. Was her proofreading (or whatever it was) job after high school? (Or was that some other girl on some other show?)

That was after school.  She got a job when she got waitlisted at Columbia.

[DrSpaceman73]

On ‎3‎/‎19‎/‎2020 at 1:14 AM, Hiyo said:

Yes, and she was illegally subletting it from her grandmother...hence why she would have to pretend to be her grandmother on occasion.

I have to give the writers credit for at least addressing that issue. Now whenever I see a TV show with characters who can't afford a fabulous apartment, I just shrug it off and say "Eh, subletting from grandma" (kind of like "A wizard did it" lol).

Did she really pretend to be her grandmother?  I recall the part about the apartment being her grandmothers and that was why the rent was so cheap, but I don't remember her having to pretend to do that?  But then I haven't watched in years. 

On The Middle the kids had jobs.  One of the reasons I liked that show, even though based on the thread on it many on here didn't.  One of the most realistic portrayals of lower middle class life in the Midwest.  Roseanne as well, they at least addressed money and finances whereas money sitcoms just don't.  Modern Family being the worst offender.   I know Jay has money, but Phil and Clair and Mitch and Cam........just ridiculous the storylines they write in. 

[Bort]

1 hour ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Did she really pretend to be her grandmother?  I recall the part about the apartment being her grandmothers and that was why the rent was so cheap, but I don't remember her having to pretend to do that?  But then I haven't watched in years. 

It was a line Monica said to Joey when he first moved in: “This place is really my Grandmother’s. I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I’m an 87 year old woman, who’s afraid of her VCR.”

[Blergh]

Aside from a few medical dramas out there: folks on TV (so far) have NOT had to deal with pandemics (or if they have they were just visiting some remote spot in the world to help but themselves never were in danger of catching this). If only. . .

[andromeda331]

13 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Did she really pretend to be her grandmother?  I recall the part about the apartment being her grandmothers and that was why the rent was so cheap, but I don't remember her having to pretend to do that?  But then I haven't watched in years. 

On The Middle the kids had jobs.  One of the reasons I liked that show, even though based on the thread on it many on here didn't.  One of the most realistic portrayals of lower middle class life in the Midwest.  Roseanne as well, they at least addressed money and finances whereas money sitcoms just don't.  Modern Family being the worst offender.   I know Jay has money, but Phil and Clair and Mitch and Cam........just ridiculous the storylines they write in. 

I liked that about the Middle too. Gilmore Girls had Dean, Jess and Lane each working after school jobs. I wish we had seen that more for Rory, they threw out that she helped out at the inn but we really didn't see too much of that except for big events. But in so many other shows even when the family are supposedly "middle" class the teens don't work. Also teens don't seem to ever have chores to do or make dinner.    

[Raja]

1 hour ago, Blergh said:

Aside from a few medical dramas out there: folks on TV (so far) have NOT had to deal with pandemics (or if they have they were just visiting some remote spot in the world to help but themselves never were in danger of catching this). If only. . .

The Last Ship changed the focus from the nuclear winter of the source book to a society after the mass die off from a pandemic. 

The pandemic itself went down with the ship off in isolation. But was still in play when the ship returned to port in the first couple of seasons. Sort of like Rick waking up from his coma in The Walking Dead.

[Bort]

12 Monkeys dealt with a pandemic. And that is a damn good show, I’ve had the urge to rewatch it. 

[FormerMod-a1]

12 Monkeys is so good 

[Katy M]

I don't think near as many babies IRL are born on elevators as on TV.  If so, a law would have been passed long ago that every elevator has to be permanently occupied by an obstetrician.

[DrSpaceman73]

Another one I thought of recently :

Do schools really do the day where all the dads/moms come in to say what they do and discuss their jobs?  Its a sitcom staple going back 50 years or more.  Such and such is embarrassed by parent and what they do.  I know we never did this when I was in school though. 

[Hiyo]

Quote

I don't think near as many babies IRL are born on elevators as on TV. 

Elevators on TV only break down if a pregnant woman near her due date is on one, or if a couple has to deal with some super-awkward relationship issues.

[merylinkid]

54 minutes ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Another one I thought of recently :

Do schools really do the day where all the dads/moms come in to say what they do and discuss their jobs?  Its a sitcom staple going back 50 years or more.  Such and such is embarrassed by parent and what they do.  I know we never did this when I was in school though. 

We did this for a while in elementary school.   It was career day.   My dad did it at least once.   

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Do schools really do the day where all the dads/moms come in to say what they do and discuss their jobs? 

In my schools, Career Day never exclusively consisted of students' parents, they were just among the speakers.

40 minutes ago, Hiyo said:

Elevators on TV only break down if a pregnant woman near her due date is on one, or if a couple has to deal with some super-awkward relationship issues.

And the doors of TV elevators are voice activated -- if you want to step in the car to finish your long speech while the person you're haranguing stays outside it, there is no need to hold the doors open, because as long as you keep talking, they'll stay open.  And as soon as you deliver your parting shot, they'll close.

[GHScorpiosRule]

1 hour ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Another one I thought of recently :

Do schools really do the day where all the dads/moms come in to say what they do and discuss their jobs?  Its a sitcom staple going back 50 years or more.  Such and such is embarrassed by parent and what they do.  I know we never did this when I was in school though. 

16 minutes ago, merylinkid said:

We did this for a while in elementary school.   It was career day.   My dad did it at least once.   

 

Yep. We did this when I was in elementary school, but there wasn't a specific career day when it happened. What makes me sad when I remember one classmate's dad came to talk--Father was a cop; but my classmate was bullied like nobody's business. And he was such a sweet kid, and someone I empathized with because I was also bullied and whooped on.

[Moose135]

7 hours ago, Katy M said:

I don't think near as many babies IRL are born on elevators as on TV.  If so, a law would have been passed long ago that every elevator has to be permanently occupied by an obstetrician.

I have a personal rule where I won't get in an elevator with a pregnant woman. 😁

[praeceptrix]

14 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

I have a personal rule where I won't get in an elevator with a pregnant woman. 😁

A lifetime ago, when Television Without Pity was still with us (sob!), before the sale to Bravo, I attended a TWOP event (in Brooklyn?) where various Recappers read aloud excerpts from some of their favorite Recaps. I think it was Sars who read from an episode of Seventh Heaven (a show I didn't watch) in which a character went into labor in an elevator (did her brother help deliver the baby?). It was hysterical! Damned near peed myself laughing! I do miss those days... (I love it here, but I miss the gloriously long and erudite recaps by some of the greats.)

Edited April 1, 2020 by praeceptrix

[ratgirlagogo]

6 hours ago, praeceptrix said:

I miss the gloriously long and erudite recaps by some of the greats.)

So you probably are aware of this, but just in case, and for all the rest of you:

http://web.archive.org/web/20140330032551/http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/

You can access not just the recaps, but the FORUMS there.

I still go back to read the Survivor forums and the Turner Classic Movies forum.

Edited April 1, 2020 by ratgirlagogo

[GHScorpiosRule]

12 hours ago, ratgirlagogo said:

So you probably are aware of this, but just in case, and for all the rest of you:

http://web.archive.org/web/20140330032551/http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/

You can access not just the recaps, but the FORUMS there.

I still go back to read the Survivor forums and the Turner Classic Movies forum.

THANK YOU! I've been going crazy trying to find this link! I still miss TWoP and all the recappers  and snarky fellow posters who didn't make it over here.

[DrSpaceman73]

On ‎3‎/‎21‎/‎2020 at 9:21 PM, kariyaki said:

It was a line Monica said to Joey when he first moved in: “This place is really my Grandmother’s. I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I’m an 87 year old woman, who’s afraid of her VCR.”

I don't recall that line but would take it as just a joke if she said it and not something where she seriously had to act like her 87 year old grandma.  I am sure the landlord, or someone, at some point in all the years she lived there figured out it was her and not her grandma in the apartment. 

But it does make me think of the last season of Arrested Development and one of the few bright spots, Maeby literally acting like an old lady to live in the retirement community

Also I am sure this does happen in real life as well, but just not to the extreme they go to in the scenarios on TV : someone has tickets to such and such and has to decide who to take.  All the friends vie competitively to win the chance to go, going well beyond reasonable social norms to win the chance.  Brooklyn 99 did this in a recent episode, was just watching today.  More like a possible scenario taken to the absurd rather than something that never happens, but still not very realistic

[Bort]

6 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

I don't recall that line but would take it as just a joke if she said it and not something where she seriously had to act like her 87 year old grandma.  I am sure the landlord, or someone, at some point in all the years she lived there figured out it was her and not her grandma in the apartment. 

The apartment manager, Treeger, did know and was letting Monica slide. He did almost evict her at one point because it’s an illegal sublet.

[Blergh]

3 hours ago, kariyaki said:

The apartment manager, Treeger, did know and was letting Monica slide. He did almost evict her at one point because it’s an illegal sublet.

If only that show had been evicted . . . 

[Hiyo]

Thank God it wasn't.

[Luckylyn]

On 3/31/2020 at 9:10 PM, praeceptrix said:

A lifetime ago, when Television Without Pity was still with us (sob!), before the sale to Bravo, I attended a TWOP event (in Brooklyn?) where various Recappers read aloud excerpts from some of their favorite Recaps. I think it was Sars who read from an episode of Seventh Heaven (a show I didn't watch) in which a character went into labor in an elevator (did her brother help deliver the baby?). It was hysterical! Damned near peed myself laughing! I do miss those days... (I love it here, but I miss the gloriously long and erudite recaps by some of the greats.)

I remember how awesome the 7th Heaven Recaps were at TWOP.  There was a time I stopped liking the show but continued watching because the recaps made it worth it.  

[andromeda331]

On 3/31/2020 at 7:10 PM, praeceptrix said:

A lifetime ago, when Television Without Pity was still with us (sob!), before the sale to Bravo, I attended a TWOP event (in Brooklyn?) where various Recappers read aloud excerpts from some of their favorite Recaps. I think it was Sars who read from an episode of Seventh Heaven (a show I didn't watch) in which a character went into labor in an elevator (did her brother help deliver the baby?). It was hysterical! Damned near peed myself laughing! I do miss those days... (I love it here, but I miss the gloriously long and erudite recaps by some of the greats.)

I loved TWP's recaps! They were so hilarious! My favorites were Charmed, LOST, Once Upon a Time, and Gilmore Girls. The Charmed recapper Damian for that one really hated the show and Phoebe in particular which lead to some really hilarious recaps. 

[kassygreene]

I have to include "My Ox Is Broken" from the Amazing Race.  Miss Alli was in fabulous form that day.

[Broken Ox]

You rang?

[Nordly Beaumont]

On 3/31/2020 at 1:24 PM, Hiyo said:

Elevators on TV only break down if a pregnant woman near her due date is on one, or if a couple has to deal with some super-awkward relationship issues.

Whenever I get in an elevator I look up to see if there's a  trap door. You know, the trap door that someone has to crawl through to pull the lever to make the elevator go again? Because apparently one lever fixes a breakdown, or any other issue an elevator could have. Also, I've never seen a trap door in any elevator I've been in.

[Mabinogia]

47 minutes ago, Nordly Beaumont said:

Whenever I get in an elevator I look up to see if there's a  trap door. You know, the trap door that someone has to crawl through to pull the lever to make the elevator go again? Because apparently one lever fixes a breakdown, or any other issue an elevator could have. Also, I've never seen a trap door in any elevator I've been in.

I've done this at work. Mainly because our elevators are notoriously bad. There is a trap door of sorts, more like a panel that would need to be unscrewed. It is also behind a strange kind of cage. I have also eyed the shaft one the many occasions the lifts are being worked on, to make sure there is some kind of ladder I can climb up in case of emergency. I like to be prepared. lol

[Blergh]

Only on television does the distress button on an elevator go to a recording of some local bureaucratic department that's closed for the weekend.

Wait- that actually happened to me when my shopping cart accidentally pushed said button some years back! Luckily, I didn't have need for it but I've since wondered what folks would do who DID have genuine need of help.