S05.E15: Esta Loca and a Little Klingon

[paulvdb]

Quote

Christy and Bonnie help Jill get sober again, and Christy’s boyfriend, Patrick, is less than understanding when it ruins his birthday weekend.

[Lily H]

This show is starting to annoy me. So Christy feels compelled to destroy not only her boyfriend's birthday weekend, but her entire relationship, in order to play nursemaid to an egotistical drunk who's too stupid to realize that she doesn't have a single care in the world? Christy acts like it's an honour to be Queen Jill's unpaid personal servant. AA really is a cult. Jill is contemptible, and if she weren't rich, she'd be living on the street where she belongs.

[EtheltoTillie]

I had the opposite reaction. I was in tears at the end. Very good episode. 

[Chaos Theory]

I had the exact opposite reaction as well.  I actually got annoyed at the boyfriend.   We’re not talking about something that couldn’t moved to another day.  I’ve had birthdays that weren’t on my actual day.  Jill  actually needed Christy’s help at that actual moment.    Plus that last scene was really sweet.  

[SunnyBeBe]

I don;t know the policies of AA and how you are supposed to handle/support/address those who are faltering, but, it seemed to me that Jill's antics were just manipulation and that she needed inpatient care in a rehab facility, where she could get the around the clock support that she really needed. It's a safety thing too. It didn't safe for her to be alone.  I mean, what were they accomplishing by just running over when she got drunk?  Isn't that called enabling?  Jill wasn't even able to detox with her constant drinking.  I thought you needed inpatient to get through that. 

Anyway, I found it incredibly frustrating and it showed lack of maturity and insight on Christy's part.  It was definitely my least favorite episode I didn't even laugh that much.  So, I suppose that relationship is over.  I do not blame her boyfriend at all.  He seemed reasonable to me.  It wasn't really that Jill's needs destroyed their birthday plans, but, that the needy person in AA was more important than a serious relationship.  I mean, who would go into a marriage knowing that? 

Edited March 30, 2018 by SunnyBeBe

[LucyEth]

I liked this episode.  I do find it disturbing that Jill cannot stay sober and want to blame the Kristin Chenoweth character for making her think she can control things if done in moderation. I actually thought they might mention her in that regard.   I agree with the above poster that she is at this point she should be in a rehab facility.  As far as Christy with Patrick, I understand that this is her life, this is what she does, as she said it helps keep her sober.  If he cannot live with that or understand it than he is not for her.  I personally am glad to see him go, he is too old for her and IMO not good looking enough for the age difference.  Thought it was very funny when Jill started screaming "Adam you can walk, it's a miracle".  

Edited March 30, 2018 by LucyEth

[Chaos Theory]

The same thing kinda happened during Christy’s daughters big dinner when she brought his family over to meet them.   Crisis after crisis kept happening.   Christy  is not going to be someone who is going to have a nice quiet evening.  If you aren’t going to be able to deal with that then yeah better bolt now rather then later.

 

Also the same situation happened when Bonnie had her relapse.  Everyone (except Christy who was pissed pff at her mother) banned together to help get her through it.

Edited April 1, 2018 by Chaos Theory

[wendyg]

It shouldn't have been news to Patrick, since Adam told him when he first got involved with Christy that this was how it was going to be.

[MissLucas]

I feel torn. Yes, it's sweet and moving that helping Jill is helping Christy stay sober. But you know what else it is? On the verge of codependency. It makes perfect sense that helping is a major step on the path - but if it takes over your life to the degree we've seen here it's no longer healthy. It was completely unnecessary for Christy to leave dinner. Jill hadn't even made the call, Bonnie was perfectly capable of handling the situation and Jill had no recollection who took her home anyway.  Plus: Wendy and Marjorie could also have stepped in. Yet, Christy still couldn't let go - it had to be her at all costs even though her presence made no difference. As a partner that sort of behavior would raise red flags for me too. 

Jill's relapse is worrisome and I agree that she needs more help than the program can supply. What I find odd is that nobody ever talks about the underlying cause. She lost a baby and then she lost a foster daughter yet those two losses are hardly ever brought up again and everybody treats it as that big scary mystery or Chenoweth's character gets blamed.

I enjoyed the brotherly interaction - I'll miss that once the break-up is complete.

[Blakeston]

35 minutes ago, MissLucas said:

I feel torn. Yes, it's sweet and moving that helping Jill is helping Christy stay sober. But you know what else it is? On the verge of codependency. It makes perfect sense that helping is a major step on the path - but if it takes over your life to the degree we've seen here it's no longer healthy. It was completely unnecessary for Christy to leave dinner. Jill hadn't even made the call, Bonnie was perfectly capable of handling the situation and Jill had no recollection who took her home anyway.  Plus: Wendy and Marjorie could also have stepped in. Yet, Christy still couldn't let go - it had to be her at all costs even though her presence made no difference. As a partner that sort of behavior would raise red flags for me too. 

Exactly this.

To me, Christy leaving dinner didn't even seem like it was really about Jill. It seemed like it was more about Christy having a savior complex, and needing to feel like the most heroic sponsor ever.

You can be an excellent sponsor without taking the position of "any time my sponsee feels vulnerable, I'll drop everything to be with them immediately, no matter how much it screws over the other people in my life."

And I'm willing to cut Christy a LOT of slack here, because Jody died after Christy neglected to take her call because she was busy with something else.

But Jill was already drunk, and Bonnie was already on her way. It's not as if Jill was about to lose her sobriety, and Christy was the only one who could stop her.

[Irlandesa]

I agree as well.  

It's true that Christy and Patrick's plans could shift and they did.  They essentially lost a full day because of it.  And Patrick,  while disappointed, was understanding and sweet.  

But when it happened the second day in a row and he saw there were other options,  that's when he started to worry about what it'd mean.

It's all well and good to say that sobriety is your number one priority but what Christy modeled looked a bit different than attending AA.  She told him that being with him, even for a special 'about him/them" date, would never take priority even if what she's being pulled away by is a non-emergency and there were other options available for help. That was the case for both nights.  Jill didn't need everyone there the first night and she didn't need both of them the second night.

Edited March 30, 2018 by Irlandesa

[wendyg]

For me, what made it a good episode is that both viewpoints are reasonable and neither party is really wrong. Remember it's only a week or so since Christy herself was very tempted to drink when she didn't get into any of her law school choices. Patrick might think differently if he talked to Violet and got a picture of what Christy was like before.

[Packerbrewerbadger]

3 hours ago, Blakeston said:

 

 

3 hours ago, Blakeston said:

And I'm willing to cut Christy a LOT of slack here, because Jody died after Christy neglected to take her call because she was busy with something else 

 

I had forgotten this and wish they had somehow mentioned it.

[SanDiegoInExile]

I suspect it will come up next week.  Contrary to the somewhat peppy preview we saw over this week's credits, next week is allegedly rather pivotal.

[theatremouse]

11 hours ago, Blakeston said:

And I'm willing to cut Christy a LOT of slack here, because Jody died after Christy neglected to take her call because she was busy with something else.

I think that's exactly why they did this plot and why they had her act this way even though other people were going to help. She feels like if she's not personally there to be sure, something terrible will happen again.

[Gothish520]

I enjoyed this episode a lot, but I would love for Christy and Patrick to stay together, if only to keep him around to interact with Adam. I love their scenes together. 

[mammaM]

21 hours ago, wendyg said:

For me, what made it a good episode is that both viewpoints are reasonable and neither party is really wrong. Remember it's only a week or so since Christy herself was very tempted to drink when she didn't get into any of her law school choices. Patrick might think differently if he talked to Violet and got a picture of what Christy was like before.

This. Patrick didn't know Christy when she wasn't sober. There was an episode where Adam asked Bonnie why she needs to go to meetings so often, so Bonnie showed him Christy's wedding video to see how she acted when drunk.  

Did Christy really need to be there for Jill? Maybe not, maybe she really needed to be there for herself. Maybe it was because of the guilt over Jodie, and that's something she'll have to work on. Maybe losing Patrick will make her realize that. Maybe I need another cup of coffee because I just noticed how many "maybes" are in this paragraph.

[Sarah 103]

I think Marjorie needs to talk to Christy about how to be a good sponsor and how to help people without letting it take over your own life. 

I love the interaction between Patrick and Adam. They really feel like brothers. 

[bichonblitz]

2 hours ago, Sarah 103 said:

I love the interaction between Patrick and Adam. They really feel like brothers. 

They even look like brothers. Good casting. The only time I really like Adam is when he's interacting with Patrick. They have some funny lines together and deliver them well. 

[Chaos Theory]

13 hours ago, Sarah 103 said:

I think Marjorie needs to talk to Christy about how to be a good sponsor and how to help people without letting it take over your own life. 

I love the interaction between Patrick and Adam. They really feel like brothers. 

Marjorie has been sober and a sponsor for ALOT longer then Christy has and even she has gone a little overboard with it at times.   She let Christy and her family move in with her.  And even when she got married there were a couple times she chose spending time with the group over her new marriage.  I wouldn't call AA a cult by any stretch of the word.  A cult won't let you leave and people have left.  There was the Regina storyline.   Regina decided she wasn't an alcoholic and the group finally decided that if she wanted to leave they couldn't force her to stay but they couldn't for their own sobriety be around her while she drank.    I think Christy is learning as she goes and Jill is too.  She is having a tough time and sometimes you just have to be there for the person.   Tossing them in and out of rehab may not be the answer either.   Rehab doesn't seem to be working for Jill.    There does need to be a middle ground but then we are talking about a group of addicts and middle grounds aren't really their strong suits.  

[SunnyBeBe]

Oh, I must have missed it. I thought Jill went to a luxury resort for weight loss, that featured spas, diet, yoga, etc. and not a substance abuse rehab.  But, since most people can't have a person shadow them 24/7 to keep them from drinking, I'm not sure why a an actual rehab wouldn't have been considered, since her relapse.   Except that I suppose she's going to get more screen time if she's just attending AA. Time will tell, I suppose. Perhaps, that was a plot device to get rid of Patrick. 

I suppose they don't go by REAL AA policies, since, isn't it all confidential?  All that sharing with non-members like Adam and Patrick about Jill's personal stuff.....is that kosher?  

Edited April 2, 2018 by SunnyBeBe

[Blakeston]

On 3/30/2018 at 1:32 PM, wendyg said:

Patrick might think differently if he talked to Violet and got a picture of what Christy was like before.

I think Patrick fully understood that being a sponsor is essential for Christy, and I think he admired her for her dedication. The issue was just that he wasn't sure he could be happy in a relationship where his needs would always come second.

23 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Oh, I must have missed it. I thought Jill went to a luxury resort for weight loss, that featured spas, diet, yoga, etc. and not a substance abuse rehab.

That was the impression I got from the writing. The place where she lost the weight seemed like a new age spa. I think she went to an actual substance abuse rehab clinic earlier in the series, not long after she was first introduced - but I'm not 100% certain.

[hnygrl]

I'm not mad at Them. They did the exactly right thing for Jill. JILL has to decide (like she did when her marriage exploded) that it's time for rehab. If she's coerced into going she won't get as much out of it as she would if she decided on her own to go.

After losing a sponsee to a drug overdose after choosing to "have a life" over dealing with her immediately?

Hell. I get it. I so get it. They're not letting Jill kill herself and Bonnie's Fiance (Damn, what's his name?) understands that. Notice he didn't even BLINK? He was 100% okay and cool and the gang with it. He "got" It. Tried explaining to his bro but bro didn't "get" get it. If he's gonna be around, he'll learn. 

I'm not mad at it. I felt horribly bad for Jill though, trying to make it work.

She's yet to figure out that she needs help. More help than her friends can give her.

Here's praying when we view this week's show? She'll be meeting them at the diner/bistro/whateverthehellitisnow after doing a month in rehab. Stone cold sober and back on track.

I'm not mad at this episode. I get it...

[funky-rat]

On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2018 at 10:02 PM, Lily H said:

This show is starting to annoy me. So Christy feels compelled to destroy not only her boyfriend's birthday weekend, but her entire relationship, in order to play nursemaid to an egotistical drunk who's too stupid to realize that she doesn't have a single care in the world? Christy acts like it's an honour to be Queen Jill's unpaid personal servant. AA really is a cult. Jill is contemptible, and if she weren't rich, she'd be living on the street where she belongs.

It's not a cult.  You're not free to leave a cult, but people float in and out of the program all the time, and generally, no one chases them down to come back if they go because it's their choice.  But it is a group of addicts in varying stages of recovery, and all of the neurosis that go along with that.  I hate to be cliché, but if you're not in it, you won't get it.  That's one slight issue I have with the show - they could "explain" things a bit more.  Sometimes I think they think that all people watching are familiar with the inner workings and don't need an outside explanation.

On ‎3‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 12:38 PM, Blakeston said:

Exactly this.

To me, Christy leaving dinner didn't even seem like it was really about Jill. It seemed like it was more about Christy having a savior complex, and needing to feel like the most heroic sponsor ever.

You can be an excellent sponsor without taking the position of "any time my sponsee feels vulnerable, I'll drop everything to be with them immediately, no matter how much it screws over the other people in my life."

And I'm willing to cut Christy a LOT of slack here, because Jody died after Christy neglected to take her call because she was busy with something else.

But Jill was already drunk, and Bonnie was already on her way. It's not as if Jill was about to lose her sobriety, and Christy was the only one who could stop her.

Christy is in a tough spot.  She has all of the neurosis that comes with recovery, and she had a sponsee die after not taking her call, which just makes things worse.  I do think she's overcompensating for Jodi to a degree, but when you agree to be a sponsor, you take on a whole lot, and aside from my not having completed the 12 steps, it's another reason I'd be hesitant to take that on.  I'm afraid I'd go overboard.  I'm in Al-Anon, not AA, but we also have sponsors.  Mine gives me space when I need to work things out for myself, but if she doesn't hear from me in a reasonable amount of time (ie: a week or two) she will call me to be sure I'm OK.  I also wish they would have had Adam, who gets it, explain to Patrick that he won't understand what they're going through, and he either needs to accept that they need it, or he should let her go.  Maybe that's why Adam tried to discourage Christy from seeing his brother in the first place - he knows he doesn't have the personality type that would get it.

On ‎4‎/‎2‎/‎2018 at 10:04 AM, SunnyBeBe said:

Oh, I must have missed it. I thought Jill went to a luxury resort for weight loss, that featured spas, diet, yoga, etc. and not a substance abuse rehab.  But, since most people can't have a person shadow them 24/7 to keep them from drinking, I'm not sure why a an actual rehab wouldn't have been considered, since her relapse.   Except that I suppose she's going to get more screen time if she's just attending AA. Time will tell, I suppose. Perhaps, that was a plot device to get rid of Patrick. 

I suppose they don't go by REAL AA policies, since, isn't it all confidential?  All that sharing with non-members like Adam and Patrick about Jill's personal stuff.....is that kosher?  

I don't believe she went to any drug rehab.  I thought it was a weight loss/mind/body thing.  But she met a life coach type person there who convinced her that she could do all things in moderation, and Jill started drinking again.  I agree she should probably go back to rehab, but talking to people who have done that, some say that rehab - even repeated visits - didn't truly help them.  As for the anonymity issue, that's somewhat of a grey area.  AA and Al-Anon really bang home the anonymity in their principals, steps, etc.  And when those groups were founded, Alcoholism was much more of a stigma than it is now, so strict confidentiality was a must, as it could cost people a ton if they were outed.  We still strive to adhere to that, but as Jill and the other girls know Adam and are in their circle of extended friends, they may have said it was OK to talk about them to their significant others, or in the case of Jill, that cat is out of the bag for everyone to see.  My husband and I do discuss things that pertain to our groups, but we never use names whatsoever, and we don't discuss personal details. Rather, it's usually the entrance to a discussion we need to have on something (ie: A woman in my group tonight had some good insight on dealing with past hurts, and I think that's something we need to work on).  It's NEVER "Jan at the group tonight was talking about the time her husband threw something at her........"

22 hours ago, hnygrl said:

I'm not mad at Them. They did the exactly right thing for Jill. JILL has to decide (like she did when her marriage exploded) that it's time for rehab. If she's coerced into going she won't get as much out of it as she would if she decided on her own to go.

After losing a sponsee to a drug overdose after choosing to "have a life" over dealing with her immediately?

Hell. I get it. I so get it. They're not letting Jill kill herself and Bonnie's Fiance (Damn, what's his name?) understands that. Notice he didn't even BLINK? He was 100% okay and cool and the gang with it. He "got" It. Tried explaining to his bro but bro didn't "get" get it. If he's gonna be around, he'll learn. 

I'm not mad at it. I felt horribly bad for Jill though, trying to make it work.

She's yet to figure out that she needs help. More help than her friends can give her.

Here's praying when we view this week's show? She'll be meeting them at the diner/bistro/whateverthehellitisnow after doing a month in rehab. Stone cold sober and back on track.

I'm not mad at this episode. I get it...

This.  100%

[possibilities]

I think it's very common to struggle with the line between supportiveness and co-dependency. I thought that Christy was skirting the line because Bonnie and the rest of the group were able to help Jill, and Christy having one night off to finish dinner and a date with her out of town boyfriend isn't really all that much to ask, and it wasn't leaving Jill in the lurch.

It's her choice, of course. But it's easy to see how she's possibly staying addicted to the heroic adventure and ego-boost of being a sponsor, rather than just doing what needs to be done out of genuine loving responsibility. At some point, you do need to be able to invest in parts of life that aren't about addiction, or you wind up technically sober with respect to substances, but are still in the cycle of drama and distraction and avoiding acquiring the skills for a truly sober and healthy life.

[Blakeston]

On 4/3/2018 at 11:51 AM, funky-rat said:

I also wish they would have had Adam, who gets it, explain to Patrick that he won't understand what they're going through, and he either needs to accept that they need it, or he should let her go.  Maybe that's why Adam tried to discourage Christy from seeing his brother in the first place - he knows he doesn't have the personality type that would get it.This.  100%

After meeting Jill, I think Patrick did get it, at least as much as he needed to.

When he tentatively split up with Christy, his mindset wasn't "There's no need for you to be taking Jill's calls all the time." It was "I'm very impressed by what you're doing, but I don't think I can handle a relationship with a partner who always puts something else first, and is always cancelling on me."

Edited April 5, 2018 by Blakeston

[funky-rat]

32 minutes ago, Blakeston said:

After meeting Jill, I think Patrick did get it, at least as much as he needed to.

When he tentatively split up with Christy, his mindset wasn't "There's no need for you to be taking Jill's calls all the time." It was "I'm very impressed by what you're doing, but I don't think I can handle a relationship with a partner who always put something else first, and is always cancelling on me."

YMMV.  :)  I took it as Patrick being selfish, but that's just me.  I do think he may feel differently if they were spending more time together, instead of just every month-ish.  

[Judi Sunshine]

4 hours ago, possibilities said:

I think it's very common to struggle with the line between supportiveness and co-dependency. I thought that Christy was skirting the line because Bonnie and the rest of the group were able to help Jill, and Christy having one night off to finish dinner and a date with her out of town boyfriend isn't really all that much to ask, and it wasn't leaving Jill in the lurch.

It's her choice, of course. But it's easy to see how she's possibly staying addicted to the heroic adventure and ego-boost of being a sponsor, rather than just doing what needs to be done out of genuine loving responsibility. At some point, you do need to be able to invest in parts of life that aren't about addiction, or you wind up technically sober with respect to substances, but are still in the cycle of drama and distraction and avoiding acquiring the skills for a truly sober and healthy life.

Yes! You put it all so perfectly. 

I think that Christy has a tendency to push men away in general, keep them at arm's length at most. I love that the show revolves around her alcoholism and life rebuilding rather than her romances, and she's always had good reasons for breaking things off or not starting them. With Justin Long, she was still too new to sobriety. The big sneakered hot guy was also a hot mess, and brand-new sober. Chris Pratt was cray cray. Who am I forgetting...well, there was that one guy she got waxed for but then cancelled because of Violet's mono...maybe Christy needs to stop waxing for dates; it's bad luck! 

Then though, there was her married boss, and her engaged ex-husband. And I thought it was interesting how she reacted to her fling with College Guy. Maybe he was too young for her and maybe she just really likes Patrick, but it also feels throughout the course of the show that Christy tends to make excuses for never "putting herself out there." I hate that phrase, but they did the whole ep about it where she trolled the Hot Dude AA meeting with Jill, so it feels appropriate. 

To me, Christy seems to really love comfy. She dresses casually to the point of others mocking her for it, and when she was hooking up with College Guy while still dating Patrick, she seemed all about being able to just show up at his place in sweats and get laid. Some of that could be seen as problematic or a sign that she doesn't think highly of herself, but I don't know. I'd love to see a relationship for Christy that grows organically from a friendship. I know you're not really supposed to use AA to meet people and she spends so much time with the ladies. But I think she'd do much better falling in love with someone she can wear hoodies and Converse with, and doesn't have to feel an ounce of shame for any bit of her story, because the guy will realize what a prize she truly is. A guy who will be around enough so that a cancelled date isn't as huge a deal, and one who'll both support her but also be able to call her out when she's maybe making excuses due to fear and pride. I agreed with what Adam said, that he's surprised no one's scooped her up yet because Christy's a catch. She's a fucked-up mess, but she's beautiful inside and out. I don't think Patrick was being selfish in what he said; I think it was self aware and mature, but I also don't think he's the one for her. 

 

Edited April 4, 2018 by Judi Sunshine

[theredhead77]

I really appreciate this show and its "life is messy" approach. I like Christy with Patrick but I really appreciate that Patrick is emotionally healthy enough to realize and acknowledge that Christy's sponsorship and AA first lifestyle isn't going to be compatible with his life. There's nothing selfish about it - selfish would be dragging it out, letting Christy think everything is fine when it's not.

I do hope that the Christy and Patrick friction, caused by Jill's drinking (and Christy's subsequent reaction) is addressed, by Jill. Isn't one of the core recovery steps to acknowledge how your drinking impacts others?

[funky-rat]

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2018 at 9:09 AM, theredhead77 said:

I do hope that the Christy and Patrick friction, caused by Jill's drinking (and Christy's subsequent reaction) is addressed, by Jill. Isn't one of the core recovery steps to acknowledge how your drinking impacts others?

It's part of taking your inventory.  You need to admit that you were wrong in certain situations after doing your inventory, and then make amends (unless the situation would be counter productive to that - IE: acknowledge your role in a relationship going bad, but if the other person is someone not safe to be around, then you don't need to make amends - the step actually says "Except when to do so would injure yourself, or others").

[proserpina65]

On ‎03‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 11:48 AM, wendyg said:

It shouldn't have been news to Patrick, since Adam told him when he first got involved with Christy that this was how it was going to be.

I suspect that Patrick didn't really believe him, or didn't understand the extent of it.  I think Patrick did have a right to be upset, but he also needed to see for himself what being with Christy would involve.  It's a sign that the relationship is probably not going to work out.

[Judi Sunshine]

1 hour ago, funky-rat said:

It's part of taking your inventory.  You need to admit that you were wrong in certain situations after doing your inventory, and then make amends (unless the situation would be counter productive to that - IE: acknowledge your role in a relationship going bad, but if the other person is someone not safe to be around, then you don't need to make amends - the step actually says "Except when to do so would injure yourself, or others").

I've always loved these forums, but have a whole new appreciation for them now that I've been attending AA! Thank you for helping explain; I know it's one day at a time and am going to step studies, but sometimes it's really nice to have it broken down in a context I can better relate to, like a show. Thank you!

I came by to ask another question I'm curious about: is their drinking iced tea a lot something common to alcoholics, just because people like iced tea, or ease for filming? I'm trying to find a good go-to drink that feels "fun," and am learning that there is only so much coffee I can consume :-D I'm trying to drink more tea for relaxation, and wondered if there was something special about iced tea that made it a good go-to.

[Chaos Theory]

20 minutes ago, Judi Sunshine said:

!

I came by to ask another question I'm curious about: is their drinking iced tea a lot something common to alcoholics, just because people like iced tea, or ease for filming? I'm trying to find a good go-to drink that feels "fun," and am learning that there is only so much coffee I can consume :-D I'm trying to drink more tea for relaxation, and wondered if there was something special about iced tea that made it a good go-to.

I am just guessing but caffeine (like in coffee, tea and chocolate) is a perfectly respectable addiction.  

[funky-rat]

28 minutes ago, Judi Sunshine said:

I came by to ask another question I'm curious about: is their drinking iced tea a lot something common to alcoholics, just because people like iced tea, or ease for filming? I'm trying to find a good go-to drink that feels "fun," and am learning that there is only so much coffee I can consume :-D I'm trying to drink more tea for relaxation, and wondered if there was something special about iced tea that made it a good go-to.

Honestly, I'm not sure.  Most alcoholics I know drink coffee.  Lots and lots of coffee, so it may be something having to do with the caffeine.

[funky-rat]

37 minutes ago, Judi Sunshine said:

I've always loved these forums, but have a whole new appreciation for them now that I've been attending AA! Thank you for helping explain; I know it's one day at a time and am going to step studies, but sometimes it's really nice to have it broken down in a context I can better relate to, like a show. Thank you!

I didn't realize I cut part of your quote off.  Step studies are good.  You can work with your sponsor to see how the 9th step (making amends) applies to your situations and they can help guide you.  Not everyone situation is the same.  The example I gave was one given at an Al-Anon event I attended (my husband does AA).  The best examples from the show I can think of are Christie going back to that store where she stole the glasses, or Bonnie knocking on that woman's door that she had stolen from years ago.  In both cases, there could be serious ramifications from doing that. Should Christie have stolen the glasses?  No!  But going back put her at serious risk for being arrested (ie: Injuring herself).  Best thing in both cases would either to be to admit to God and another human being the exact nature of their wrongs (step 9) but to refrain from going in person.  Either mail the person an anonymous letter saying you stole (not what or when) and you are deeply sorry, or just let it go.  Same with Bonnie.  Marjorie is always after them to make amends, and that's good, but each situation needs to be evaluated.  Another example could be my Uncle's late mentally unbalanced wife.  I was always mean to her behind her back because she would inflict her craziness on us (calling us at all hours of the day or night until I blocked their number, verbally harassing us, etc).  Was it justified?  Perhaps.  And I have told my sponsor I feel badly about it.  But she's deceased, and my Uncle is mentally "slow" and to tell him that I spoke badly about her behind her back would do nothing but cause heartache and animosity toward me, because he loved her, faults and all.  So in that case,  I apologize to her spirit, and let it go.  I wouldn't include this in any Al-Anon inventory ,but it's just an example.  :)

[MaryMitch]

2 hours ago, Judi Sunshine said:

I came by to ask another question I'm curious about: is their drinking iced tea a lot something common to alcoholics, just because people like iced tea, or ease for filming? I'm trying to find a good go-to drink that feels "fun," and am learning that there is only so much coffee I can consume :-D I'm trying to drink more tea for relaxation, and wondered if there was something special about iced tea that made it a good go-to.

It might be as simple as iced tea is easy to manage in a studio. Cold or tepid coffee - yuk. But iced tea is easy - you can make it ahead of time (or buy it by the gallon), no special storage, and then just keep putting more ice in it.

Where I live, iced tea is ubiquitous (Dolly Parton called it "the house wine of the South"), so I'm glad to see it becoming more popular and available.

[bichonblitz]

Christy,  Christy. Just spinning her wheels. Bonnie is getting married and will move out, what is she going to do? Never leave her familiar surroundings because she has a few good friends? She doesn't have a great job that she loves, school is going nowhere. She should take the plunge and go live with with Patrick. Not marry, just live with him and see where it goes.  If it doesn't work out, she doesn't have to stay. I don't believe she didn't go to live with him because she doesn't love him. She wouldn't have been crying and so upset if she didn't love him. She's afraid of change. She's sabotaging herself.  

[llewis823]

On 3/30/2018 at 10:56 AM, MissLucas said:

if it takes over your life to the degree we've seen here it's no longer healthy. It was completely unnecessary for Christy to leave dinner. Jill hadn't even made the call, Bonnie was perfectly capable of handling the situation and Jill had no recollection who took her home anyway.  Plus: Wendy and Marjorie could also have stepped in. Yet, Christy still couldn't let go - it had to be her at all costs even though her presence made no difference. As a partner that sort of behavior would raise red flags for me too. 

My thoughts exactly. If you have no room for balance and to have your own life, (alcoholic or not) that is not healthy.