S07.E01: ICING ON A CAKE OF LIES

[Cherry Cola]

On 11/29/2017 at 0:38 AM, ClassyCourtHeels said:

No words ? 

Yup!! I was like...really? You can't look because you are driving...yet you are texting! And she is also airing out her crotch! Haha. What a multi tasker!  Do people usually drive with one leg up? Looks very uncomfortable. 

[guilfoyleatpp]

2 hours ago, CofCinci said:

The neglected kid wore a TR shirt was playing with the farm animals (who is taking care of all these animals while Tyler parties and Catelynn is in rehab?). 

April or butch most likely. 

They take turns with the rehab and the partying and the kid watching. Since there are 4 of them, everyone gets a little time...at least until butch gets his ass vio-ed.

[TimeToCancelTM]

12 hours ago, Isthisok said:

1. Farrah... I almost can’t dislike you. Sure, you seem unstable and narcissistic, but your rubber buttholes are providing a stable lifestyle for Mowgli that will continue long after the series ends. An end that will probably be brought about by a fatal car crash caused by —

 

2. Maci... girl. I don’t know how much Z-listers get paid to hawk Proactiv, but it’s gotta be more than you’re making selling those stupid shirts that mean nothing. They’re like American Apparel sweatshop rags with either A) a stupid pleather pocket or B) a stupid fucking logo of your stupid fucking company name. They look like the laziest free promotional merchandise to ever be shot out of a shirt cannon.  You need to work on your skin, turn your goddamn Bluetooth on ($100 says she doesn’t use it in the car because Snapchat doesn’t function with Bluetooth enabled, and St Maci ain’t giving up no Snapchat vids), and think about your future. Speaking of futures —

 

3. Cate and her platonic roommate Tyler... you bought a horse? That you’re paying to board somewhere so you can visit it and play with it’s hair? Even though you were able to do that for way less money? And you have no barn? You don’t even have a fence? But you bought a goat to keep the horse company at your fenceless barnless house? For two aspiring filmmakers/social workers/fashion designers/peer counselors/charity founders, they sure are window-licking dumb. YOU. CAN. NOT. AFFORD. YOUR. LIFESTYLE. This show will not survive Jenelle or Amber’s current relationship. Unless Cate can get herself a reserved episode of My 600lb Life, this gravy train is about to disappear faster than a line of coke around Butch. I think they make me the angriest, because they’re professional martyrs/victims. It’s sad to be the most shiftless person in this wayward group of misfit cumdumpsters, but Cate takes the cake. She takes it and she eats it. 

 

4. Then there’s Amber. Bipolar/Borderline-but-healing-it-with-a-bandaid-baby Amber. I guess this baby daddy is an upgrade from Matt, because while he may be a stalker, at least he’s not a stalker with child support garnishments all over the country. It’s a low bar. But honestly, if Amber showed up with a guy like Cole, I’d immediately assume he was deranged too. Normal and/or upstanding citizens don’t date Ambers or Jenelles. They are beyond the Captain Save-a-Ho complex. These girls can’t be saved by anything short of psychiatric medication, and Amber has no interest in her own self-preservation. And fuck Dr Drew’s wife for accompanying her to the psychic podcast. WTF was that. If I asked my mamaw to predict the future of someone on a show called Teen Mom, I think she’d rattle off something about a toxic relationship that was heading for marriage and another baby, too. 

 

5. Secondary Bullshit Characters Thirsty for a Check... I’m giving a hard sideeye to Ryan using 10k a week. Of what? Even opiates on the street don’t cost that. If he was doing 10k of painkillers a week, he’d never leave his recliner, but Mac didn’t know? Everybody on this forum has known for years something was wrong with his goddamn eyeballs, hell we thought he was concussed and brain damaged from a car wreck or a cat-killing spree gone awry. We had theories but you were seeing him everyday and thought it was peachy? Not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed

Maaannnn.... EPIC!!! Your entire post!!! Fucking epic...????

[Snarky McSnarky]

4 hours ago, CofCinci said:

The neglected kid wore a TR shirt was playing with the farm animals (who is taking care of all these animals while Tyler parties and Catelynn is in rehab?). 

Dang, I missed that!  Thanks.

[RamonaSenomar]

15 hours ago, Isthisok said:

1. Farrah... I almost can’t dislike you. Sure, you seem unstable and narcissistic, but your rubber buttholes are providing a stable lifestyle for Mowgli that will continue long after the series ends. An end that will probably be brought about by a fatal car crash caused by —

 

2. Maci... girl. I don’t know how much Z-listers get paid to hawk Proactiv, but it’s gotta be more than you’re making selling those stupid shirts that mean nothing. They’re like American Apparel sweatshop rags with either A) a stupid pleather pocket or B) a stupid fucking logo of your stupid fucking company name. They look like the laziest free promotional merchandise to ever be shot out of a shirt cannon.  You need to work on your skin, turn your goddamn Bluetooth on ($100 says she doesn’t use it in the car because Snapchat doesn’t function with Bluetooth enabled, and St Maci ain’t giving up no Snapchat vids), and think about your future. Speaking of futures —

 

3. Cate and her platonic roommate Tyler... you bought a horse? That you’re paying to board somewhere so you can visit it and play with it’s hair? Even though you were able to do that for way less money? And you have no barn? You don’t even have a fence? But you bought a goat to keep the horse company at your fenceless barnless house? For two aspiring filmmakers/social workers/fashion designers/peer counselors/charity founders, they sure are window-licking dumb. YOU. CAN. NOT. AFFORD. YOUR. LIFESTYLE. This show will not survive Jenelle or Amber’s current relationship. Unless Cate can get herself a reserved episode of My 600lb Life, this gravy train is about to disappear faster than a line of coke around Butch. I think they make me the angriest, because they’re professional martyrs/victims. It’s sad to be the most shiftless person in this wayward group of misfit cumdumpsters, but Cate takes the cake. She takes it and she eats it. 

 

4. Then there’s Amber. Bipolar/Borderline-but-healing-it-with-a-bandaid-baby Amber. I guess this baby daddy is an upgrade from Matt, because while he may be a stalker, at least he’s not a stalker with child support garnishments all over the country. It’s a low bar. But honestly, if Amber showed up with a guy like Cole, I’d immediately assume he was deranged too. Normal and/or upstanding citizens don’t date Ambers or Jenelles. They are beyond the Captain Save-a-Ho complex. These girls can’t be saved by anything short of psychiatric medication, and Amber has no interest in her own self-preservation. And fuck Dr Drew’s wife for accompanying her to the psychic podcast. WTF was that. If I asked my mamaw to predict the future of someone on a show called Teen Mom, I think she’d rattle off something about a toxic relationship that was heading for marriage and another baby, too. 

 

5. Secondary Bullshit Characters Thirsty for a Check... I’m giving a hard sideeye to Ryan using 10k a week. Of what? Even opiates on the street don’t cost that. If he was doing 10k of painkillers a week, he’d never leave his recliner, but Mac didn’t know? Everybody on this forum has known for years something was wrong with his goddamn eyeballs, hell we thought he was concussed and brain damaged from a car wreck or a cat-killing spree gone awry. We had theories but you were seeing him everyday and thought it was peachy? Not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed

... hear that sound?  It's @Isthisok's epic f'ing mic drop.

[Tatum]

You know, at this point I am starting to wonder when this show will end. Ratings are dropping yes, but The Challenge has been on for like 20 years and TM and TM2 smokes them in the ratings even now. I mean, The Challenge people would shit themselves if they got over a million viewers, which is still well below what TM and TM2 get.

And yes, the Challenge people don't get paid what the girls on this show do (even with prize money, the 30+ participants aren't walking away with a collective $1.2 million), but with the costs of feeding, housing, and transporting 30+ people, plus all the legal counsel on retainer (even with waivers and contractors vs. employees, I have to imagine a show like The Challenge has a shit ton of liability issues), production can't  be that much cheaper than Teen Mom or Teen Mom 2, if at all. And if they're willing to keep making new shows (albeit revamped continuously)- how long will Teen Mom ride this out? It could easily be another 10 years.

 

What I think is going to deliver the death blow is not the loss of ratings, but my speculation is, something really bad is going to happen with one of these girls or their kids, and the whole shebang will get scrapped. I really think either Amber or Jenelle will commit a serious crime, or one of these kids is going to get severely injured due to neglect or poor life choices, and there will be discussions about TM's moral (if not legal) culpability in watching it happen and making money off of it.

[Isthisok]

The only thing that will sink this garbage ship is the talent pulling out (and clearly these girls aren’t familiar with the concept), or something so tragic that it gets widespread coverage beyond those of us who currently watch. A kid drowning, one of these texting dolts mowing someone down, an overdose, some egregious scandal.

 

Our current level of trashiness (domestic violence, child neglect, and drug abuse) is acceptable. When someone dies, MTV will wring their hands and act like we never noticed all these blazing red flags. Hard to claim probable deniability when your checks are injecting silicone into these heifers and subsidizing their lifestyles.

[Tatum]

6 minutes ago, Isthisok said:

The only thing that will sink this garbage ship is the talent pulling out (and clearly these girls aren’t familiar with the concept), or something so tragic that it gets widespread coverage beyond those of us who currently watch. A kid drowning, one of these texting dolts mowing someone down, an overdose, some egregious scandal.

 

Our current level of trashiness (domestic violence, child neglect, and drug abuse) is acceptable. When someone dies, MTV will wring their hands and act like we never noticed all these blazing red flags. Hard to claim probable deniability when your checks are injecting silicone into these heifers and subsidizing their lifestyles.

Right, I can see something tragic happening to one of the kids as a result of either negligent driving or being too drugged out to intervene as one of the 10,000 starved animals attacks a kid, (or, one of these loser's boyfriends sexually or physically abuses one of their kids) and MTV making a big show of cancelling the series for the good of the kids, in a classic case of too little, too late.

 

But yeah, I don't really see production saying, hmm, ratings are down, all of our participants are complete self absorbed assholes who regularly endanger whatever person happens to be out on the road with them...you know what? We had a good run, but enough is enough.

 

Which is not only bad news for whatever kid is the collateral damage that kills this series, but those of us vindictive viewers will have to wait YEARS to see these guys get their comeuppance and the reality check we so desperately want to deliver.

[IDreamofJoaquin]

2 hours ago, Tatum said:

The Challenge people would shit themselves if they got over a million viewers

Ahaha. I read this as "The Challenge people would shit on themselves to get a million viewers" and I agreed with it.  I mean Abe would do it for $10.

[gunderda]

18 hours ago, Cherry Cola said:

Wait...Farrah is only 26?! I was a little shocked by that, thinking she was in her 30's by now!! 

It does feel like we've been watching them for 20 years instead of 10 (ish...?)

17 hours ago, Snarky McSnarky said:

 I'm surprised C&T didn't have NotCarly sporting some Tierra Rein cotton fringe outfits at one of their multiple houses. 

You blinked and missed it because she was!  I think it was just a regular tshirt with the logo tho.

[ghoulina]

3 hours ago, Tatum said:

You know, at this point I am starting to wonder when this show will end. Ratings are dropping yes, but The Challenge has been on for like 20 years and TM and TM2 smokes them in the ratings even now. I mean, The Challenge people would shit themselves if they got over a million viewers, which is still well below what TM and TM2 get.

And yes, the Challenge people don't get paid what the girls on this show do (even with prize money, the 30+ participants aren't walking away with a collective $1.2 million), but with the costs of feeding, housing, and transporting 30+ people, plus all the legal counsel on retainer (even with waivers and contractors vs. employees, I have to imagine a show like The Challenge has a shit ton of liability issues), production can't  be that much cheaper than Teen Mom or Teen Mom 2, if at all. And if they're willing to keep making new shows (albeit revamped continuously)- how long will Teen Mom ride this out? It could easily be another 10 years.

 

What I think is going to deliver the death blow is not the loss of ratings, but my speculation is, something really bad is going to happen with one of these girls or their kids, and the whole shebang will get scrapped. I really think either Amber or Jenelle will commit a serious crime, or one of these kids is going to get severely injured due to neglect or poor life choices, and there will be discussions about TM's moral (if not legal) culpability in watching it happen and making money off of it.

How many years now have we been saying, "When this show ends...."? It still hasn't ended! At this point, I'm afraid it never will. 

[woodscommaelle]

On 11/29/2017 at 1:40 PM, lezlers said:

 don't drag yourself down and lose all of your credibility in the process.  

Well the good thing is she didn't have much credibility to start with so not so much to lose ?.

[mrsh]

On 11/30/2017 at 2:38 AM, Calm81 said:

It’s making me post the quote twice. I’m sorry.

 

I want to agree with your post, but there is nothing easy about carrying an infant car seat in and out of a car with a 1 year old in it lol. I pulled my back doing that. Now that all of my children use a convertible car seat life is easier. It’s still a pain in the ass to buckle all three of them in when it’s pouring rain outside and someone is inpatiently waiting for your parking spot. 

I get what you're saying lol. My youngest is 22 months and has been in a convertible seat since he was 8 months old. I honestly think it was way easier when he was in an infant seat because I didnt have to wrestle him into his car seat multiple times or God forbid he fall asleep in his convertible seat and then I have to get him out and he wakes up. Infant carrier, although heavy is easy to pop in and out without disturbing the child in my opinion at least.

[Tatum]

Eh, my guess is she's just too lazy to install the new carseat. They are pretty complicated with the newer (like after 2005) cars- extra buckles and clips for extra stability. She probably uses the carrier like a convertible seat, in that she unhooks him directly from the carrier and takes him out rather than lugging the entire carrier around.

[mrsh]

Regardless of what her reason is, whether cheapness, laziness or just sheer stupidity it's just another thing to snark on Maci for. Installing a car seat isn't rocket science and since these girls all drive newer model cars, its really easy to install them using LATCH, plus all the installation videos online. Theyre attached to SM all day, so I think they can take 15 minutes to check some installation videos to ensure their kids safety. Not only that, but the fire department usually does car seat checks for free as well. It just comes down to the fact that these girls have screwed up priorities, Maci is there babbling about the "safety of her child" while she put her own children's lives at risk with her texting and driving and to top it off she cant bother to get her kids in the correct car seats.

Sorry to come off like a car seat nut, but I worked as an auto insurance adjuster for 10 years and Ive seen horrible car crash photos and handled claims with child fatalities and sometimes even the safests drivers find themselves in terrible situations.  As parents we can't control other people or drivers, but we can do our best to protect our kids in case of an accident.

[kokapetl]

$1,200,000 a year in total for the principal stars of this show is a bargain to MTV. 

[Kb60]

On 11/27/2017 at 8:30 PM, Brooklynista said:

The gals really rally around St. Maci dont they?? They make complete asses of themselves in her behalf and she gets to sit back and look like above it all Maci.

Amber calling Mackenzie a cunt? A bit overzealous and really the Mac/Ryan/Maci triangle has nothing to do with her.

Go figure out where Matt hid your Teen Mom money.

I was just waiting for Ambie to take a swing at Mac.

[Soobs]

Why oh why am I still watching this? These women actually depress me. Tyler and Cate were so high in their segments. Good grief. I'm not against pot but being high during the day and you have a little baby to look after and drug addicted parents? Cmon...

I think Farrah should cut her mom and the boyfriend out. What a couple of whackadoodles. The way the boyfriend shoved her dad was rude and gross. The boyfriend is giving me hard core, Dateline vibes. I can hear Keith Morrison, "She was the mother of a TV reality star. He was a beloved doctor, a pillar of the community. But was he really?? Was there more under the surface than anyone ever could have imagined??"

The other two, what's left to say? Amber calling Mackenzie names and them both snickering was some serious junior high nonsense. These women have nothing to lose really. The worse they behave the more they're rewarded. It's not like they'll ever be going on job interviews.

I will add that Maci should grow some side swept bangs and cover up some of that fivehead. There's a lot of light bouncing off of it.

[Caracoa1]

I just realized who Maci reminds me of... she has the same skeletal look as April.

[GreatKazu]

13 hours ago, Caracoa1 said:

I just realized who Maci reminds me of... she has the same skeletal look as April.

And the same billboard size forehead as her as well. 

[AmyFarrahFowler]

1 hour ago, GreatKazu said:

And the same billboard size forehead as her as well. 

Bangs would be Maci's friend.

[meredithalmighty]

Wow Mimi Jen retweeted AT&T's stop texting while driving campaign. I don't know how to do a screenshot but it looks to be after the episode aired: 

https://mobile.twitter.com/mimijen65?lang=en

[GreatKazu]

 

Jen, did you tweet anything with regard to people driving under the influence? 

Edited December 4, 2017 by GreatKazu

[CofCinci]

What were the ratings?  This forum seems dead. 

[ginger90]

"Dr David" got a hair cut......

https://www.instagram.com/p/BcRWE4AFaad/

[AmyFarrahFowler]

He looks much better. Why didn't he do it before the wedding? 

[meredithalmighty]

According to http://deadline.com/2017/11/floribama-shore-premiere-teen-mom-og-ratings-mtv-1202215976/, ratings were actually up for Teen Mom OG compared to last year:

Teen Mom OG, which opened at 9 PM with a 1.25 (adults 18-34), up 19% compared with the previous season average and the biggest Teen Mom debut in three seasons, according to the network and Nielsen.

[Snarky McSnarky]

19 minutes ago, meredithalmighty said:

According to http://deadline.com/2017/11/floribama-shore-premiere-teen-mom-og-ratings-mtv-1202215976/, ratings were actually up for Teen Mom OG compared to last year:

Teen Mom OG, which opened at 9 PM with a 1.25 (adults 18-34), up 19% compared with the previous season average and the biggest Teen Mom debut in three seasons, according to the network and Nielsen.

Perhaps because of the "Farrah Fired" headlines?  I doubt it was because Catelyn entered treatment.

[GreatKazu]

2 hours ago, Snarky McSnarky said:

Perhaps because of the "Farrah Fired" headlines?  I doubt it was because Catelyn entered treatment.

And people want to see the end of the Matt and Amber relationship.

[CofCinci]

2 hours ago, meredithalmighty said:

According to http://deadline.com/2017/11/floribama-shore-premiere-teen-mom-og-ratings-mtv-1202215976/, ratings were actually up for Teen Mom OG compared to last year:

Teen Mom OG, which opened at 9 PM with a 1.25 (adults 18-34), up 19% compared with the previous season average and the biggest Teen Mom debut in three seasons, according to the network and Nielsen.

How does it compare to TM2?

[meredithalmighty]

Here's the comparison according to Hollywood Life (warning there are details of a Kail and Brianna conflict):

https://www.google.com/amp/hollywoodlife.com/2017/10/27/kailyn-lowry-low-teen-mom-2-ratings-briana-dejesus-fault/amp/

The Teen Mom 2 season 7A premiere garnered 1,746,000 viewers, and season 7B attracted 1,607,000, according to TV By The Numbers. Briana joined the show in season 8, and that premiere got 1,487,000 viewers.

So Teen Mom 2 gets higher ratings. 

[FairyDusted]

Looks like Mimi Jen erased that tweet. I imagine she may have gotten blowback about because of Ryan. She was really worn down to me last season. 

[Tatum]

1 minute ago, FairyDusted said:

Looks like Mimi Jen erased that tweet. I imagine she may have gotten blowback about because of Ryan. She was really worn down to me last season. 

Yeah, Maci should not be texting while driving, but Jen's hardly one to throw stones. She sure didn't have any sanctimonious re-tweets when Ryan fell asleep while driving.

[Christina]

I just watched (part of) this episode (football came on) and haven't read the thread yet, so I'll probably repeat some things, but I am bursting at the seams to congratulate Ryan on curing his addition to what is known as the hardest drug to beat! Since his one and only SOLE trigger is Maci, and for all of her many faults I believe she truly wants him to be sober, it will be no problem for her to say thanks each month when he sends the child support and not point out that he hasn't shown up to a baseball game of Bentley's, which is coached by her husband. And she definitely won't say that even though she texts and drives, she does it with the kids buckled in and he needs to stop letting Bentley ride without his seatbelt. In fact, I remember when she was in a car accident and the car flipped and Bentley stayed in his car seat, because she had installed it correctly.

Maci has always believed she had control of Ryan and we all laughed at her about it because it was obvious to us that Ryan didn't give a damn about her or her opinions. Now, Mackenzie has confirmed it, so I guess we were wrong and Ryan will remain clean without relapsing because St. Maci will ensure it.

According to Mackenzie, Ryan wanted help for a long time but didn't know how to get it. He is on a show that sends people to rehab so I'm calling bullshit on that. According to the story his ex-girlfriend, Dalis, sold to Radar(?), her co-worker recognized he was using and told her, she told his parents, and he went to rehab so he wouldn't withdrawal and could use less drugs to continue to get high. With his wife being completely unable to tell he is using drugs and her making sure Maci doesn't have any access to him, since she controls his drug use, he will relapse and be back to using three times a day and back up to spending $10000 a week on drugs in no time.

Maci knew for a gazillion million seconds that he was using drugs but Mackenzie didn't know, even though she moved her toddler son and herself in with him, resulting in her ex-husband suing for custody and receiving it, according to Radar but denied by her. She's not very bright so maybe she didn't realize that her son is living with her husband more often. I was about to call her a liar about not knowing Ryan used drugs since she lived with him and watched him nod out while driving to their wedding, but he said the sun was bothering his eyes, and she is stupid enough to believe it. She also unplugged the cameras, a bit too late, but not the microphone and was heard asking him if he took a Xanax, but he promised he didn't on 
Bentley's life, so obviously he didn't. She probably doesn't realize Xanax is a drug and thinks it is a breath mint that makes him a bit loopy from the sugar rush.

I mean, when it comes down to it, all the evidence shows she is below average intelligence so I shouldn't hold her to an average standard. She wanted to be on Teen Mom even after seeing how the cast members are torn apart, and the way she got it was to stalk an addict and pretend she was okay with it to him and didn't know about his drug use to everyone else. She married a man who was nodding out in a secret ceremony only attended by his parents, not their children and not her parents. Jenn was upset about it, because she knew it wasn't right, but Mackenzie looked the other way while he used and cheated so it sounded like a good idea to him.

In the end, I think I'll stop thinking she is lying since she is just very dumb. I mean, how could she know the things that were so very obvious to the viewers when she is operating with with two brain cells. It's not like she is Maci or anything. She may be my Briana on this show, and Briana is part of the reason I quit watching TM2, with Jenelle and David being the other. 

[mscav]

Quote

 think Farrah should cut her mom and the boyfriend out. What a couple of whackadoodles. The way the boyfriend shoved her dad was rude and gross. The boyfriend is giving me hard core, Dateline vibes. I can hear Keith Morrison, "She was the mother of a TV reality star. He was a beloved doctor, a pillar of the community. But was he really?? Was there more under the surface than anyone ever could have imagined??"

I agree but since Farrah seems to have removed Sofia from being around them unsupervised they can have it. Both equally matched by jobs.

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 12/2/2017 at 8:20 PM, AmyFarrahFowler said:

Bangs would be Maci's friend.

Except I think they would be lank and greasy.

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

On 12/4/2017 at 8:46 PM, Christina said:

According to Mackenzie, Ryan wanted help fo a long time but didn't know how to get it. He is on a show that sends people to rehab so I'm calling bullshit on that. According to the story his ex-girlfriend, Dalis, sold to Radar(?), her co-worker recognized he was using and told her, she told his parents, and he went to rehab so he wouldn't withdrawal and could use less drugs to continue to get high.

The show definitely sends and foots the bill for the moms (the main "stars") to go to rehab.  Butch tried to get MTV to send him to some fancy rehab by talking to Dr. Drew and pleading his case and no dice. The dads and "supporting characters" who get less screen time than the moms do not get sent to swanky rehab on MTV's dime. Ryan had really become a third-string cast member until last season when his drug issues (& Mac trying to get herself some screen time) became Maci's story line (since she's boring as heck) and because Maci has always had significant others for her story lines and she really co-parented with Jen & Larry, so we often saw more of Jen & Larry than Rhine. So...Ryan was hardly a "star" of the show like the moms (and ok, I'll include Tyler as one of the moms, here, haha) so he wasn't getting sent to rehab by MTV anymore than we'd see Butch, David, Adam, or any other dad/random family member get a MTV-funded trip to rehab. 

(But I'm with you on Rhine not being serious - at least in 2012 when he first sought treatment and possibly now - about rehab. I'm also with you on Maci and Mac both knowing Rhine had issues and having no qualms about their kids being around Rhine while high - at least until it became part of Maci's story line and she had to address it.)

[Phoebe70]

Ok, I'm late to the game because I don't have cable (thank goodness for jailbroken Firestick).

Although this was only the first episode of the season, I found myself bored by all of it.  I love how Maci and her friend wore TTM shirts throughout.  Are real people actually paying for these pleather-pocket shirts?  I really wish Maci would eat a Big Mac or two, she is looking scary-skinny.

Amber, please watch this episode.  Surely you see how awful your dark roots look against the platinum blond.  You are not Marilyn Monroe.  Go back to your natural color.  Invest in waterproof mascara.  You might want to invest in a stylist too. 

Farrah - actually she was the least annoying of the bunch, which was odd.

Caitlynn - talk about impulsive!  Let's see, how many houses have they bought?  And the clothing line that never got off the ground?  And the $3,000 pig, the goats, chickens, etc...and now a horse?! She is clearly bored and depressed, and is constantly moving from one idea to another.  Get some serious help, quit the weed and stop wasting all your money on frivolous stuff.

Mackenzie - you will never be Maci, so don't even try.

Gary - for the love of God, please don't let us see you in a wifebeater again.  He is so obese and always looks grubby.  Get out of bed, go to the gym or at least take a walk around the neighborhood.  At this rate he'll have a heart attack by age 40.