S06.E28: The Big Hurt

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Tara tries her best to be Kelly's friend, but it turns out she, like the rest of us, might just prefer Kelly to shut up...forever.

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We've collected the most important visuals from 'The Big Hurt'!

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[Kimmykun]

The podcast isn't working for me. :(

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Looking into it; sorry!

[allicatexp]

I can't take my morning walk without this! ?

[Earmuffs Mom]

I'm saving this podcast for my workout tonight, but man, I'm so ready to hear the snarkiness!  Between Grampy Joe, Prince Carl, and Tara's psychosis, it should be entertaining.

[TeeVee329]

I'm a little sad Single White Tara is at an end because I feel like it's the last really memorable arc on the show.  There's scattered moments to come that I vaguely recall, but SWT is kinda it as far as a bigger, soapy story that's in the zeitgeist all these years later.

And to be fair, when I watched this when I was younger, I was really creeped out by Tara's suicide plan with the car/(bon) monoxide.  Shuuuder.

I seriously do not get why Val is putting up with Colin's shit, especially now that she's not going to get any from him for at least two years.  Dump him, girl!

[Nanna]

Pausing the podcast for a few minutes: Carl is actually a very likely name for a European Prince. As in the Swedish prince Carl Philip, the Swedish king Carl Gustaf, the Danish prince Carl who was elected king of Norway in 1905 (and changed his name to the more Norwegian sounding Haakan, but still.) Okay, royal cop out, will go back to listening to the rest of the episode. 

Edited May 22, 2017 by Nanna

[WhosThatGirl]

"Friends don"t Lie", I also don't think they plan to die together either but.. whatever. And thus ends the single white female turned Thema and Louise style arc. So bad. So good. I love when Tara's mom is all "bless you for saving Tara" Kelly's like "yeah, good luck with that, I'm not giving you my number and forget my name, bye!"

[MerBearStare]

1 hour ago, TeeVee329 said:

I'm a little sad Single White Tara is at an end because I feel like it's the last really memorable arc on the show.  There's scattered moments to come that I vaguely recall, but SWT is kinda it as far as a bigger, soapy story that's in the zeitgeist all these years later.

I agree. The second half of the series is pretty shitty and Single White Tara is really the only storyline that stands out in a good way. It's all downhill from here. Sad sack Tracy, Donna's hostage situation (and not even an entertaining hostage situation), Steve's friend who OD's on heroin (or maybe coke?), Brandon and Kelly's boring and predictable reunion, fucking angels. I hate making a Family Guy reference, but the storylines in seasons 7-10 got me like:

Edited May 22, 2017 by MerBearStare

[TeeVee329]

I thought about it and the only things I really remember about next season's slog are:

- Claire complaining hypocritically about the gang being incestuous

- The randomness of Kelly's half-sister, who seemed poised to become a regular character, then didn't

- Val and Kelly making peace over Christmas journals

- Val and Kelly having the flu and fighting featuring a retcon of Val and Brandon's almost hook-up in the season 5 finale

Edited May 22, 2017 by TeeVee329

[Molly Cule]

42 minutes ago, MerBearStare said:

fucking angels

FUCK that fucking plotline. Season 7 is so rage-making for so many reasons but that's the one that I have to fast forward through or risk drop-kicking my monitor.

[TeeVee329]

Wait, angels?  There are angels next season?

[Molly Cule]

1 minute ago, TeeVee329 said:

Wait, angels?  There are angels next season?

It's like two eps, near the end when Brandon is reunited with the Season 7 Token Black Person that he smooched in the first ep. She's into angels. Kelly is a cooze to Tracy. There is a harp concert. It's all barfy.

[WhosThatGirl]

I don't really remember anything that happens after this season either. Not really. I remember Christmas journals, also the Not Wedding, Brandon leaving and always being confused why random people lived in the Walsh house, Val leaving (Nooooo), and giving us Gina (No) and the series finale I remember so well. 

[TeslaNewton]

Next season features the (inadvertent) classic abuse storyline of Claire and Steve.

[MCMLXXVII]

So...being that Kelly has a convertible, would the top be weak enough to kick off? Or what if she woke up before the hose was rigged up? Talk about poor planning...

Edited May 22, 2017 by MCMLXXVII

[TeeVee329]

Back to this episode, David's tone with Donna throughout brought me right back to his attitude with her in season 4.  Joe's dull as dirt, but why would Donna want to go there again?

[kfree9]

Quote

As in the Swedish prince Carl Philip

He's the first person I thought of too--he's so fine. Alas, the Prince Carl on this episode is NOT.

I hate the women on this show pining after these men that are a-holes to them. If I were Val, I would have seen Colin getting sentenced to 2 years as such an easy out of the relationship.

[StatMom]

OK, this is the most minor and stupid thing to obsess over -- but the fish food thing was SO RIDICULOUS!!! First of all, does anyone know how much food is in a container beyond a rough "getting empty" to "almost full"? Which leads me to: pouring an entire container?!? What?!? Even if Kelly knew precisely how much fish food was left in hers, obviously the aquarium is saturated with food, so your "defense" of pointing out the correct level in Kelly's is completely irrelevant. And lastly, you didn't need that much to kill them (I don't think? Been a while since I've had fish). Or just put a couple drops of something in there... bleach or something? They're dime a dozen fish, no one would question it.

Maybe the writers were trying to show how unhinged Tara was by her attempting this nonsensical scheme, but it just made me irrationally angry at how bonkers it was.

[TeeVee329]

1 hour ago, StatMom said:

Maybe the writers were trying to show how unhinged Tara was by her attempting this nonsensical scheme, but it just made me irrationally angry at how bonkers it was.

Throwing herself at Brandon was all the unhinged behavior from Tara we needed to see, to be honest.  It's like, "She wants the bray, she's a nutcase, cut and print!".

[scarynikki12]

I don't know what it was like in the 90s but, these days, you do not, in fact, need to wait 24 or 48 hours to report someone missing.  The cops won't necessarily take you seriously if you don't give them a reason (history of depression, HOUSING A PSYCHO, abusive ex, etc.) but they certainly won't make you wait a specific number of hours if you feel that your family member/friend/coworker/neighbor might be a danger to themselves or others. 

[Halo]

6 hours ago, Nanna said:

Pausing the podcast for a few minutes: Carl is actually a very likely name for a European Prince. As in the Swedish prince Carl Philip, the Swedish king Carl Gustaf, the Danish prince Carl who was elected king of Norway in 1905 (and changed his name to the more Norwegian sounding Haakan, but still.) Okay, royal cop out, will go back to listening to the rest of the episode. 

Ahh, my longstanding royal crush. Carl Philip is the hottest of all the princes, in my opinion. Also, Denmark has a Crown Prince Fred(erik). Not as hot.

[atlanticslide]

6 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

I seriously do not get why Val is putting up with Colin's shit, especially now that she's not going to get any from him for at least two years.  Dump him, girl!

Maybe she was trying to keep him buttered up so she could finally move her ass out of Casa Walsh and take over his sweet loft in Venice once he went off to prison. 

[atlanticslide]

Maybe it's because I've never lived in Southern California so I don't really know what the variation in temperature is like, but there's something really disconcerting to me about seeing the characters trudging along the beach in their shoes, jeans, and sweaters.

[Nanna]

12 hours ago, Halo said:

Ahh, my longstanding royal crush. Carl Philip is the hottest of all the princes, in my opinion. Also, Denmark has a Crown Prince Fred(erik). Not as hot.

He is hot. And relevant here because he is the kind of prince who might want to have a business adventure with Steve. 

[CurlyATX]

That part where Colin starts braying at Val, saying he never should have listened to her made my blood boil.  She needed to grow a backbone and tell him that she was the ONLY one willing to foot the bill for his pricey attorney and he was the one dumb enough to try to outcrawl the cops of freaking TV!  He'd better get used to being someone's wife in prison. 

[CurlyATX]

I'm a weirdo and I often have some layer on me at all times, but I justify this because I grew up in SF where there are tons of stupid microclimates.  Now, I live in Texas where it's hotter than hell outside and inside is a freezer.  I'd say that normally right by the beach can get a bit breezy.  I will admit that I've walked along Ocean Beach in SF with a North Face wanna be parka. 

[TeeVee329]

And does Colin really think he would have beaten the charges if he had rejected the deal and gone to trial?  They had him dead to rights!

[Lalochezia]

Pausing the podcast for a few minutes: Carl is actually a very likely name for a European Prince. As in the Swedish prince Carl Philip, the Swedish king Carl Gustaf, the Danish prince Carl who was elected king of Norway in 1905 (and changed his name to the more Norwegian sounding Haakan, but still.) Okay, royal cop out, will go back to listening to the rest of the episode. 

I just came here to point that out! Although I also totally see Tara's point - even though it is actually the name of several actual royals, it doesn't SEEM like it should be.

[Klaw]

Re: Carl. There are more than a few international types living in LA. I know this because when I lived there, a good number of my friends where half- American and half-something else if not full-on. I met Russians and Europeans and South Americans.  Criminal, there were tons of Brits there. You telling me they couldn't have found some out of work European actor to play "Prince Carl" with at least a modicum of believability? It's like the casting director didn't even TRY to find someone who could have played someone other than some suburban dude from Egg Harbor NJ. LOL!

4 hours ago, CurlyATX said:

He'd better get used to being someone's wife in prison. 

Seriously. When he talked about picking cockroaches out of his oatmeal, all I could think was ... Dude, you will have SO much bigger fish to fry in the pokey than that. 

 

22 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

I don't really remember anything that happens after this season either. Not really. I remember Christmas journals, also the Not Wedding, Brandon leaving and always being confused why random people lived in the Walsh house, Val leaving (Nooooo), and giving us Gina (No) and the series finale I remember so well

This show is a shit show after this season, IMHO. Yea, there are a few okay story arcs, but for the most part, I had pretty much dropped out of watching this show by now (I think I may have dropped out in season 5) ... I think I liked the Donna gets hooked on painkillers arc and Kelly getting shot was fun but Noah Hunner and his ManPain was tired as was Dylan 2.0. sigh. I doubt I'll rewatch after this season, I'll just rely on Tara and Sarah to do the dirty work for me!

[Halo]

Pacific beaches are cold as butt in winter. Even in summer, you often need a sweater or jacket in the evening. 

Edited May 23, 2017 by Halo
unnecessary capitalization

[TeeVee329]

3 hours ago, Klaw said:

Kelly getting shot was fun

Oh yeah, I kinda remember that.  She gets amnesia, right?  That's at least somewhat soapy.

[atlanticslide]

9 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

And does Colin really think he would have beaten the charges if he had rejected the deal and gone to trial?  They had him dead to rights!

This storyline is so weird. Colin and Val legit behave as if he's been wrongfully accused of a crime, or like he did something small and is being railroaded by an unjust system or something. What on earth could he have thought would happen if he went to trial? He led a high (low) speed chase was on TV! There's not much wiggle room when your crime is videotaped. 

[WhosThatGirl]

3 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

Oh yeah, I kinda remember that.  She gets amnesia, right?  That's at least somewhat soapy.

She does! And doesn't she fall in love with Noah because of her amnesia? And Brandon brays about it and gets all mad at Noah because of it? I'm pretty sure that's what happens. I also think Noah is into it at first but then because it's Kelly Taylor he's all for it for a little. 

Edited May 24, 2017 by WhosThatGirl

[nutsberryfarm]

donna has the same hair as kelly too....

also, tara is nutjob comey's father

[queenbee9b]

11 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

She does! And doesn't she fall in love with Noah because of her amnesia? And Brandon brays about it and gets all mad at Noah because of it? I'm pretty sure that's what happens. I also think Noah is into it at first but then because it's Kelly Taylor he's all for it for a little. 

During my hulu rewatch I only made it through the first episodes of the next season and then I was out. I did kind of like the graduation episodes so maybe I will go back for those.  The worst part at the end was boring Matt (who played a tiny, but imporatnt part in Billions this season).  Also, I swear, that Steve's friend dies from pot or something else that was highly unlikely.

[queenbee9b]

On 5/23/2017 at 11:09 AM, CurlyATX said:

I'm a weirdo and I often have some layer on me at all times, but I justify this because I grew up in SF where there are tons of stupid microclimates.  Now, I live in Texas where it's hotter than hell outside and inside is a freezer.  I'd say that normally right by the beach can get a bit breezy.  I will admit that I've walked along Ocean Beach in SF with a North Face wanna be parka. 

I went to SF last July and nobody warned me in advance. I brought some light cardigans and then had to buy a scarf and a heavier zip up sweater thing.  Now I know why SF people have a lot of fleece tops :)  I also go to hear like 10 times about the quote "The coldest winter I ever faced was summer in San Francisco"

[nkotb]

Don't tap out of the next season too soon, there is the episode about mid-season, which will forever be my favorite Kelly Taylor line, & I am still waiting for over 20 years now for the opportunity to use it (however, considering I'm married, I think my time has escaped). 

Kelly breaking up with Mark, who was super into money: "If you're in such a hurry to make millions, I've got a little tip for you. Every time the phone rings, bet someone that it's not me. You'll be right every time." 

[Lisin]

Kelly also shoots  a rapist at some point right? 

[TeeVee329]

4 hours ago, nkotb said:

Kelly breaking up with Mark

I have no recollection of who Mark even is!

[BBHN]

Kelly ends up shooting her own rapist. Who tried to rape her again. In Donna's clothing store. In the middle of the day.

[WhosThatGirl]

Also don't we meet the He Didn't even Bring A Blanket! Guy Kelly talked about in the sleepover episode at some reunion thing? I also think Kelly and Val have a bonding moment in that episode because of it.

[atlanticslide]

10 hours ago, queenbee9b said:

Also, I swear, that Steve's friend dies from pot or something else that was highly unlikely.

I feel like it was coke or heroin or something, but the unlikely part was that he jumped from pot to heroin in the span of about two days - I think he and Steve get high together and then within an episode he's shooting up and ODing. 

[nkotb]

16 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

I have no recollection of who Mark even is!

He was the guy whom she described as "I've loved 2 men in my life, Brandon & Dylan, & Mark seems to be a perfect mix of both of them." He worked with Brandon at the TV station, & lost a Dryer (sp?) to Brandon, which he blamed Kelly for.

In real life, JG didn't like him, & I think went to Aaron Spelling & said that the actor was making anti-semitic statements, or something close to that. 

[queenbee9b]

12 hours ago, atlanticslide said:

I feel like it was coke or heroin or something, but the unlikely part was that he jumped from pot to heroin in the span of about two days - I think he and Steve get high together and then within an episode he's shooting up and ODing. 

Ah that makes sense.  I just remember them smoking a lot of pot in like 2 days and becoming "addicted"   Plus the guy is the lead from Teen Witch (my favorite 80s movie).

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Oh, sure. Dead Dick. 

[Lisin]

18 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

Also don't we meet the He Didn't even Bring A Blanket! Guy Kelly talked about in the sleepover episode at some reunion thing? I also think Kelly and Val have a bonding moment in that episode because of it.

Yeah, they like, break a tile with a hammer at the HS reunion? The tile says Kelly's a Slut or something... you know, that tile that someone wrote that on back in the beginning of the show and Kelly was all upset and Mrs. Teasly let the graffiti stay for TEN YEARS and no one ever did anything and oh wait... none of that happened. 

[CurlyATX]

On ‎5‎/‎24‎/‎2017 at 10:20 AM, queenbee9b said:

I went to SF last July and nobody warned me in advance. I brought some light cardigans and then had to buy a scarf and a heavier zip up sweater thing.  Now I know why SF people have a lot of fleece tops :)  I also go to hear like 10 times about the quote "The coldest winter I ever faced was summer in San Francisco"

Good Ole Mark Twain!  It was always fun to see tourists shivering in shorts and t's in July.  It's freezing then.  Finally, they cough up the money to buy a SF Fleece from Pier 39.  Good memories.

[Klaw]

6 hours ago, nkotb said:

In real life, JG didn't like him, & I think went to Aaron Spelling & said that the actor was making anti-semitic statements, or something close to that. 

Orlly? Had no idea! It was a rather abrupt break up!

23 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

 

Also don't we meet the He Didn't even Bring A Blanket! Guy Kelly talked about in the sleepover episode at some reunion thing? I also think Kelly and Val have a bonding moment in that episode because of it.

 

That was lame!  A whole 5 years. I don't know about y'all but no one gives a shit about a 5-year HS reunion. I mean, half of the class would just be graduating from college, so what the hell is there to report? So, so, dumb.