Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[bigskygirl]

Jill was allowed to study to be a midwife, and Jana came with her to keep an eye on her. She may have read a few books, but she is not capable of being out in the real world by herself. She is only allowed to be around people who share the same religious/political beliefs her parents taught her. She does not have a thought of her own. Plus the fact, she is a giggly, clingy, immature young woman with the mind set of a teenage girl. I would wait a few more years before saying Derick is the better catch. Imo, Jill is becoming another Michelle, and Derick is starting to turn into a Jim Bob with a college education.

[GEML]

I'm not so sure we can say that Derick is unhappy. He sought the Duggars out, specifically Jim Bob. There's no way he didn't know SOMETHING about the family. So maybe this really is what he wanted.

[Joe Jitsu913]

I can see Jill being the type to isolate Derick from his friends, intentionally or not. Since Jill doesn't have any close friends, she probably doesn't realize that Derick needs his space. She's just that needy and attention whoring, Stage 5 clinger.

[bigskygirl]

Derick may have wanted it, but he is going to be in for a very rude awakening soon enough.  Imo, he was ripe for the pickings since he was hurting since he lost his dad. He may have had his own agenda by seeking Jim Bob out.

[RazzleberryPie]

Since Jill doesn't have any close friends, she probably doesn't realize that Derick needs his space. She's just that needy and attention whoring, Stage 5 clinger.

She git it from her Mama.

Edited January 9, 2015 by RazzleberryPie

[RazzleberryPie]

Derick may have wanted it, but he is going to be in for a very rude awakening soon enough.  Imo, he was ripe for the pickings since he was hurting since he lost his dad. He may have had his own agenda by seeking Jim Bob out.

This, and "prayer partner" often means "financial supporter" for missionaries. They have to raise support from donors, usually from churches and individuals who pledge to send so much money for the time of the trip, Prayer partners do pray, but also send money. Getting an endorsement from JimBob would definitely up Derrick's credibility and prestige when seeking out prayer partners for support.

 

Does this mean he is insincere about his mission work or a grifter? No. Does it mean a whole lot of other college-age missionaries ARE just looking to travel for a year, 'spreading the gospel', on someone else's dime, and then coming home with holier than thou attitudes about the sacrifices they made as missionaries? Heck, yeah, I've seen it many times, and wouldn't be shocked if Jessa and Bin went that route.

[BitterApple]

I think driving back and forth to Wal-Mart three times a day is ridiculous, if that is in fact what Jill is doing. They can't be struggling that badly that they can't afford a reasonably priced used car for Jill to knock around town with. They got a crapton of wedding gifts, money for the People photos, a free house, so what significant expenses do they have? Even if Derick is only making 40 or 50k they should still be able to afford a second car.

[GEML]

I've also wondered if Jim Bob was a financial supporter of the Nepal mission. Those mission trips are not cheap, and the fund raising is not easy.

But again, people who go on two year missions aren't necessarily the type who have tons of close personal friends here. They are often introverts themselves (which doesn't mean they aren't good for missions, but the jingoistic preacher of missions past is a no-no) and Derick strikes me as that type.

His friends will be his friends no matter what - they survived two years in Nepal. At least a few will be able to handle Jill.

[bigskygirl]

She probably would still find a way to cling to him.

[RazzleberryPie]

I think driving back and forth to Wal-Mart three times a day is ridiculous, if that is in fact what Jill is doing. They can't be struggling that badly that they can't afford a reasonably priced used car for Jill to knock around town with. They got a crapton of wedding gifts, money for the People photos, a free house, so what significant expenses do they have? Even if Derick is only making 40 or 50k they should still be able to afford a second car.

No idea what Derrick's salary is, but if it is $40-50K, AND they're not paying for housing, AND they have no student loans, AND they have close friends who bought Josh's old used car lot, they have a higher median standard of living than most of America, and definitely BFE Arkansas. They can afford a car for Jill.

 

Also, it's a downright LUXURY for someone in her early 20s to be able to flit around all day pining after her husband, instead of actually having a real job. I'd be ashamed if that's all I had to do all day long. 

[BitterApple]

Also, it's a downright LUXURY for someone in her early 20s to be able to flit around all day pining after her husband, instead of actually having a real job. I'd be ashamed if that's all I had to do all day long. 

Ain't that the truth. I don't know anyone who married in their early 20's and was able to stay home, even after having a baby. Most women I know had to work at least a few more years until their husband was secure enough in his career and the family could survive on one income. But hey, I don't know anyone who had virtually no bills at that age either. I hope Jilly Muffin realizes how lucky she is.

[Barb23]

So, if you have a small baby but only one car, do you get the baby up 3 times a day for the morning run, lunch run, and evening run?

  

I think driving back and forth to Wal-Mart three times a day is ridiculous, if that is in fact what Jill is doing. They can't be struggling that badly that they can't afford a reasonably priced used car for Jill to knock around town with. They got a crapton of wedding gifts, money for the People photos, a free house, so what significant expenses do they have? Even if Derick is only making 40 or 50k they should still be able to afford a second car.

They definitely should be able to save some money for a second-hand car. Couldn't they buy it from Josh's old car lot? I'm sure they would give one of the Duggars a good deal. Good point about what happens when Baby Dilly comes along.

The first thing I thought of with the 200 days of marriage thing was when my son was in first grade, they celebrated the 100th day of school by bringing in 100 small items from home (paperclips, buttons, etc) to do activities with. Like another posted asked, did Derick take the day off to celebrate this monumental occasion or did Jilly bring 200 items from home (pregnancy test pee sticks come to mind) so they could play games at lunch?

[msblossom]

I've also wondered if Jim Bob was a financial supporter of the Nepal mission. Those mission trips are not cheap, and the fund raising is not easy.

But again, people who go on two year missions aren't necessarily the type who have tons of close personal friends here. They are often introverts themselves (which doesn't mean they aren't good for missions, but the jingoistic preacher of missions past is a no-no) and Derick strikes me as that type.

His friends will be his friends no matter what - they survived two years in Nepal. At least a few will be able to handle Jill.

Derick would not have had to raise funds if he went as an Journeyman Missionary within the IMB's SBC. JB may have sent the IMB some support money or directly put funds in his US account but I'm hedging that JB was mainly sought after by Derick for prayer support. Edited January 10, 2015 by msblossom

[3girlsforus]

I don't know that I'm bothered by it, but I'm highly amused that this is even a thing. I had no idea. And here I've gone 4,038 days with my husband (yes, I had to be a smart aleck and add it up), and I've only acknowledged the 11 anniversaries. I'm a terrible wife! ;)

Oh dear lord... I just looked it up (there's an app for that LOL). We've got 8210 days. No wonder I'm insane.

[3girlsforus]

Also, it's a downright LUXURY for someone in her early 20s to be able to flit around all day pining after her husband, instead of actually having a real job. I'd be ashamed if that's all I had to do all day long. 

 

I'm sure their justification for her not having a job is that she's going to be a SAHM in a few months. But there are plenty of places to get a job that would be short term. Or how about volunteering somewhere? ANYTHING besides chasing her hubby around.

[RazzleberryPie]

I'm sure their justification for her not having a job is that she's going to be a SAHM in a few months. But there are plenty of places to get a job that would be short term. Or how about volunteering somewhere? ANYTHING besides chasing her hubby around.

How about finishing her MidWIFery studies or helping Grandma with her 90000tons of laundry?

[cereality]

I can see people shit talking about him by the water cooler, and I'm sure he's aware of it. I think he loved the Jill that came to visit him in Nepal, and the Jill that Skyped him all the time. She was bearable back then, but now, he has to deal with a whole different Jill. One he probably never anticipated.

He probably understood that the duggars are a weird bunch, but I don't think he knew his wife would drive him to work everyday, he just thought she was sweet. He didn't know his father in law fancies himself the god of his family, he just thought he was a decent guy who may have been a little bit out there. He didn't know his mother in law was baby crazy, he just thought she really liked kids.

And the worse part is, he probably feels that's he's in too deep, he just can't back out now, he's going to be a father, he's a husband, he's on a T.V show. Excuse my french but, he's basically fucked here.

I agree with you that there are a lot of things he couldn't possibly have known, but honestly I don't feel bad for him. He was so desperate to marry her that he totally bent to her family's will. I'm sorry but he didn't have to just Skype date her, come back to the U.S., get engaged immediately, get married ASAP and get pregnant on the wedding night. Despite the fact that she's on TV and he wanted JB as a prayer partner, Jill is not much of a catch and JB needed to marry off daughters. Derick easily could have said -- yes I'm interested but we need to date for real when I get back from Nepal; he could also have said after a few weeks of group texts/calls -- look, either you/your family trust me or not, I think I've been a gentlemen -- we need dates without chaperones, texts without parents etc. Guaranteed JB would have prayed about it and decided that for a college educated near fundie, he could bend his rules. Having some time alone with her would have let him realize how clingy she is and how she has no interests beyond her family -- and thus will cling to him. OR it would have made her change her ways and "grow up" a little because she would have realized that her man has had relationships before and wasn't looking for a high school girl to date.

 

Honestly -- he would have had to respect their wishes re sleeping with her, but other than that -- I think he could have demanded normal dates, alone time, normal conversations, and even kissing or at least hugging -- and still kept her. Then he'd know what he was getting.

 

Given that he didn't do all that and barely freaking knew her when they married, he should at least have insisted that they would not be making a honeymoon baby and then need 6 months-1 yr of just them. At that point they're married, JB be damned -- what's he going to do even if his Jilly Muffin tells him later that Derick insisted on condoms through the whole honeymoon?!

[RazzleberryPie]

Derrick could've done all that, but he didn't. I think he likes all the clinginess, and juvenile behavior. He's as stunted emotionally as she is.

[jingersrealmom]

Does derrickdillard have a valid drivers license? Apparently he doesn't have a set of balls to tell his wife that he's driving himself to and from. Ridiculous tool. Jilly should start watching days of our lives and plop her ass on the sofa and freaking relax and let him breathe and feel trusted. I could see if she had a 9-5 & they carpooled. I knew a couple, he is a OTR truck driver and she didn't trust him because he was caught setting up flings on online dating sites and she made him have his face time on 24/7. He even had to take pics of his meals and who and where he was with lol...I feel bad for DerrickDillard

[Jynnan tonnix]

I can't even imagine wanting or being able to stand being around someone 24/7. As a Navy wife, I've had my share of times being separated from my husband (though we have been lucky in that his particular career path has meant primarily shore commands, so the separations are generally no more than a few days to a few weeks), and he is now on the brink of retirement after 38 years in. I don't even know what I'll do with him underfoot all the time! Luckily he has no intention of absolutely retiring yet, so with any luck he will find another position in not too long of a time period. I was a stay-at-home Mom with our three kids and just never did end up going back to work which actually suits me as an on and off freelance artist so I can't really snark too much on Jill's lifestyle choice. The only thing I ever saw myself as, growing up, was a wife and mother, so being in a position where frequent moving around would mean a harder time getting and keeping good positions in the workforce wasn't ever an issue.

If Jill's honest choice is to be a SAHM and she is in a position to do it, that's a perfectly valid lifestyle (whether or not it stems from religious beliefs). It may well have been something which fit her personality even outside of Gothardism. But the sad part is that not only we but she herself will likely never have a clue about whether that is actually so.

[GEML]

Derick would not have had to raise funds if he went as an Apprentice Missionary within the IMB's SBC. JB may have sent the IMB some support money or directly put funds in his US account but I'm hedging that JB was mainly sought after by Derick for prayer support.

That's actually good to know!

Regarding their finances, they are also paying for Derick's MDiv online. (Unless that also has a program?). That probably takes up a chunk of money many of us would use for things such as eating out or a second car. And with gas at less than $2 a gallon, driving back and forth and packing a lunch really could be economical.

[bigskygirl]

MDiv?

[kalamac]

Maybe the her driving him to work and picking him up is an accountability thing? If she has her own car, she could be going off doing who knows what during the day, but if she has to drop him off & pick him up, and join him for lunch every day, her time by herself is restricted, so she doesn't get any ideas of freedom.

[Turquoise]

MDiv?

Master of Divinity

[3girlsforus]

MDiv?

Masters of Divinity

Edited January 9, 2015 by 3girlsforus

[msblossom]

That's actually good to know!

Regarding their finances, they are also paying for Derick's MDiv online. (Unless that also has a program?). That probably takes up a chunk of money many of us would use for things such as eating out or a second car. And with gas at less than $2 a gallon, driving back and forth and packing a lunch really could be economical.

An MDiv at a SB seminary is more than 90 credit hours. Online tuition is $508 per credit. The SBC Cooperative Program will pay 50% of your tuition provided you are an active member of an SBC church. Derick is also eligible for a 50% discount for serving as an IMB missionary with the SBC. With all his tuition discounts he is left to pay only about $127 per credit hour (or $381 per 3 credit class) plus $250 per semester for Internet fees. He may also be eligible for scholarships. If he attends an SBC church and does some kind of internship in the youth or missions department for example, he may get a scholarship award of $500-$1000 per semester.

[Rhondinella]

Which seminary is he at?  Does anyone know?  And it's online, right?  (Former seminary student and Bible professor here who is curious to check out the school's credentials).

[msblossom]

Since he's working full time, I'd doubt he's taking more than 9 hours per semester which is considered a full load at seminary as the reading, languages, and writing are pretty intense. I completed about 48 hours and my husband by the end completed 101 hours and graduated while working full time and it took 5 years.

Which seminary is he at? Does anyone know? And it's online, right? (Former seminary student and Bible professor here who is curious to check out the school's credentials).

I'm gonna take a stab and guess he's either enrolled at Southwestern or Southern.

I believe it was GEML that said he was taking his classes online. She may know which seminary Derick is enrolled at.

Edited January 9, 2015 by msblossom

[Sew Sumi]

I remember something about it being headquarted in Texas. Does that help in narrowing down which school?

 

eta: I know I checked out the Texas school at the time, and it seemed perfectly legit. 

Edited January 9, 2015 by Sew Sumi

[msblossom]

SewSumi,

Sounds like he's enrolled at Southwestern then, their campus is located in Fort Worth. And yes, all 5 of the SBC's seminaries are legit.

[Mrsjumbo]

I don't feel the least bit sorry for Derick. He was JB's prayer partner. When skyping or texting with Jill she must have told him that JB & M were reading/watching everything. And about the side hugs, etc. he saw what they were like & how immature she is. With the very short courtship & engagement, that's on him. And so is getting pg on the honeymoon.

My prediction when the little Dilly arrives, derick will be driving himself to work. She's going to be too busy nursing/ caring for the baby to dote on Derick.

Ps- it does stink when you have a sleeping baby & have to wake it to drive somewhere. I felt so bad for my ds3. He would just fall asleep & I'd have to wake him up to drive to school to pick up his brothers. Same thing in the morning when I had to take them to school.

Edited January 9, 2015 by Mrsjumbo

[mbutterfly]

That's actually good to know!

Regarding their finances, they are also paying for Derick's MDiv online. (Unless that also has a program?). That probably takes up a chunk of money many of us would use for things such as eating out or a second car. And with gas at less than $2 a gallon, driving back and forth and packing a lunch really could be economical.

I didn't know Derick was getting an MDiv. Has he told his plans for using it. If he will be employed by an actual church/congregation/denominational outreach program that will be a change for Jill. 

[msblossom]

I believe Derick and Jill have plans to be missionaries. If so, then to be appointed as a career missionary with the IMB he is required by the SBC to obtain an MDiv.

[Fuzzysox]

Article about her 200 days of marriage    http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jill-duggar-celebrates-200th-day-marriage-wedding-photo-201571

 

First of all, I am shock this did not make the news. I mean a Duggar daughter married for 200 days and knocked up right away did not get major news coverage. Did Derick get the day off to celebrate this amazing, sweet, awesome and blessed moment in his life?

Like totally!

[3girlsforus]

I'm a bit surprised that Derick, as someone who is JimBob approved, would be getting an MDiv. Even the most conservative schools wouldn't teach the kind of stuff JimBob believes and it might lead to Derick and Jill thinking for themselves and realizing that all this stuff the Duggars espouse isn't Biblical after all.

[trimthatfat]

Maybe the her driving him to work and picking him up is an accountability thing? If she has her own car, she could be going off doing who knows what during the day, but if she has to drop him off & pick him up, and join him for lunch every day, her time by herself is restricted, so she doesn't get any ideas of freedom.

I really hope this isn't the case. Jill is a public figure at this point and I'm sure she's very conscious of what she does when she leaves the home. IMO, there's no real reason she shouldn't have a vehicle of her own. What if there's an emergency and Derrick has to come home or something? Plus, when Jill has her baby, I doubt she'll be too happy having to drive Derrick to and from work when she's sleep deprived.

Edited January 9, 2015 by trimthatfat

[3girlsforus]

Maybe the her driving him to work and picking him up is an accountability thing? If she has her own car, she could be going off doing who knows what during the day, but if she has to drop him off & pick him up, and join him for lunch every day, her time by herself is restricted, so she doesn't get any ideas of freedom.

 

I really hope not. If that is the case then Derick is just another JimBob who happens to have a college degree but is still a controlling, obsessive jerk. 

[Missy Vixen]

There's togetherness and then there's smothering. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Jilly Muffin is home with an infant while Derick actually reclaims his life.

 

It'll also be interesting to see the furor if that baby arrives one minute before March.

[yogi2014L]

I really hope not. If that is the case then Derick is just another JimBob who happens to have a college degree but is still a controlling, obsessive jerk. 

I have hopes that it isn't the case but all signs point to Derrick point to him loving the submissive-my-husband-is-my-king- attitude Jilly has. I think everyone thought the best of him because he went to college and has that stoner with a bead scruff frisbee player-jesus-ey look so we all just thought he was a nice guy. 

He could very very well be a controlling douchlorde! Hopefully not for Jills sake but I think they could very well be the next Jimboob and MEchelle.

 

I do think Jessa and Ben are going to unravel at the seams in 5 years so theres hope for that couple at least. lol

There's togetherness and then there's smothering. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Jilly Muffin is home with an infant while Derick actually reclaims his life.

 

It'll also be interesting to see the furor if that baby arrives one minute before March.

I hope she has a 10lb baby mid Feb solely to see how Boob tries to spin it

"Jilly is so blessed by Jesus her babies grow extra large"

[GEML]

Last I heard Derick was doing an online MDiv in missions. Unless there is a way for paying for that I don't know about (and there could be) most online programs like that (while cheaper than on-site programs) are still pricey for a young family and that may take up a good bit of his evening time. Driving and meals may be the bulk of their time together if he's serious about his studies.

[mbutterfly]

Having earned an MDiv myself, I'm really happy to learn a member of the extended Duggar family is pursuing this highly academic training. It should make a tremendous difference from Gothard indoctrination. And I know Gothard has his doctorate in biblical studies (though from an unaccredited school). Gothard doesn't seem to cultivate serious study in his followers. 

[msblossom]

Having earned an MDiv myself, I'm really happy to learn a member of the extended Duggar family is pursuing this highly academic training. It should make a tremendous difference from Gothard indoctrination. And I know Gothard has his doctorate in biblical studies (though from an unaccredited school). Gothard doesn't seem to cultivate serious study in his followers.

Yes, and it's reassuring to know that Derick and Jill's children have a better chance at being raised without some of the extreme doctrine that Jill was raised with.

Oh, and almost forgot to add that I know from experience that the IMB requires Jill to have some undergrad hours under her belt from an accredited College along with some theology classes from an SBC undergrad college or seminary. I believe she must have enough hours to fulfill an AA along with roughly 30 hours of theology. So besides being preoccupied with driving Derick to work and having lunch, she has plenty of studying to do in order to fulfill the requirements for the IMB. They no longer require only one spouse to be educated and theologically trained. Both must do their part as they both will be paid a stipend on the field with medical and life insurance as well as retirement benefits for both. And free college and seminary for their children at any SBC institution.

[mbutterfly]

What you've shared about SBC has made me strangely happy -- for Jill and for the people whom she will likely be serving in her mission. 

[bigskygirl]

Was Derick doing this before or after they got married? I hate being Debbie Downer, but I will believe it when it see it.

[msblossom]

I get your pessimism; it's understandable.

I'm not sure when Derick enrolled in online seminary classes, but I get the feeling he's been planning this track for awhile, probably at some point in Nepal (pre-Jill).

Edited January 9, 2015 by msblossom

[Mariva]

Just wanted to add that on Derick’s Facebook page, which he opened a few weeks ago, that he did indeed list his grad school as the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Forth Worth, Texas.

 

Interesting information about the IMB requirements. Michelle did mention that Jill was studying for something recently, perhaps this was what she was referring to?

[GEML]

Gothard actually has a BA and MA from Wheaton College, which is one of the most well regarded colleges in the Christian/Evangelical community. He himself is hardly uneducated, which is usually the way it is in leaders controlling people under them.

After reading MsBlossom's posts, I am really really hoping that this program Derick was doing is something that he and Jim Bob worked out previous to his marriage to Jill (because let's face it, that's what would likely matter) and this is something the couple actively plans to pursue. The fact that the continue to attend the same church Derick was active in is a good sign.

[PityFree]

Jill doesn't need accountability partners any more. She's married/no longer has an intact hymen and therefore there is no "purity" to protect.

[springtime]

 

Michelle did mention that Jill was studying for something

These few words say so much! lol

[cereality]

Yes, and it's reassuring to know that Derick and Jill's children have a better chance at being raised without some of the extreme doctrine that Jill was raised with.

Oh, and almost forgot to add that I know from experience that the IMB requires Jill to have some undergrad hours under her belt from an accredited College along with some theology classes from an SBC undergrad college or seminary. I believe she must have enough hours to fulfill an AA along with roughly 30 hours of theology. So besides being preoccupied with driving Derick to work and having lunch, she has plenty of studying to do in order to fulfill the requirements for the IMB. They no longer require only one spouse to be educated and theologically trained. Both must do their part as they both will be paid a stipend on the field with medical and life insurance as well as retirement benefits for both. And free college and seminary for their children at any SBC institution.

I don't know all the acronyms -- but does your post mean that in order to do missions with IMB both husband and wife have to be educated or theologically trained? I don't imagine that both spouses need such training merely so one spouse can get an M. Div.?

 

Isn't accounting and M. Div a strange combo of degrees? Do most people who get an M. Div do something totally different undergrad and pursue a totally different career first before the M. Div or do most people have an undergrad theology degree. Do we think Derick is going to leave Walmart at some point to pursue more religiously oriented work? Could he become a preacher/minister with an M. Div or does that require totally different training? If he could preach, doesn't JB have the money to start up a church with his son in law as the full time preacher (like that show on TLC)?

 

Anyone else find it mind blowing that Jill's baby daddy not only has a undergrad degree but is also working on a masters? I mean for a family that's so anti education, JB certainly saw the $ signs when a college educated boy came calling for his daughter. But then given Derick's college degree and his masters (which I imagine he started pursuing or was already applying for while in Nepal), I do find it a bit surprising that he fell for the Duggars. I mean he is obviously someone who believes in his faith for real -- not through coercion -- he probably believed in being a virgin before marriage, not going too far etc. So then he comes along to date Jill and is told -- sorry you can only Skype with her if Mama and Daddy are in the same room; you can only text with her if her parents and your mom are on the text; you are never to go anywhere alone; you are never to speak to each other on the phone alone; and forget the idea of kissing or hugging. Shouldn't he have been thinking -- I'm a Christian too, I would never go further than what my faith allows -- but if you have so little regard/trust of me, then maybe I don't need this!? He obviously went through a hard time in college with his dad passing and he didn't have him around to ask about dating etc., but he likely has friends and has seen relationships before -- he really lacks self esteem to go along everything JB said pre marriage and to have Jill stuck by his side 24-7 now because he can't say no.

 

I wonder if he is "allowed' to go out with the guys ever? Could he even say to Jill -- a bunch of guys from college/work and I are going to hit happy hr on Thursday so I'll be 90 min late, or would he so fear upsetting his pregnant wife so much that he just wouldn't go?