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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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49 minutes ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

Why don't they just call it "The Barnacle" or "The Limpet", "The Succubus", or "The Clinger"?

Looks like perfect Valentine's Day gift for Dreck from Muffy, and maybe Cringe can get one for Baaaaaaaabe.

I suggest they not get them these! ;  )

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Yeah, if these guys want to retain any semblance of "manhood" and watch their marriages completely wither because of absolutely NO leadershipbecause the women are completely worthless, NO Sweetheart Sweetshirts!!!!! 

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The TV show is the Duggars' ministry to show us what God wants our lives to look like and how wonderful it all is for people of such devotion as theirs. I must be missing something. The only message I'm getting is that they all have to keep silly grins on their faces while everything crumbles around them.  

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On 2/10/2017 at 10:04 AM, Churchhoney said:

I think that Derick went into the engagement believing the whole story that had been told about the Duggars' home schooling and about Jill

I just can't buy that it was a rude awakening for Derick to find out that Jill is uneducated and, frankly, dumb. I mean, all you have to do is hear her speak for about five minutes to be able to come to that conclusion, and presumably they had a lot of conversations pre-engagement. I think he knew what he was getting into and is, despite any appearance to the contrary, happy with his lot.

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8 minutes ago, graefin said:

I just can't buy that it was a rude awakening for Derick to find out that Jill is uneducated and, frankly, dumb. I mean, all you have to do is hear her speak for about five minutes to be able to come to that conclusion, and presumably they had a lot of conversations pre-engagement. I think he knew what he was getting into and is, despite any appearance to the contrary, happy with his lot.

Who really knows? However I'm not so sure that Derick is a great conversationalist either. It sounds like a lot of what they did was bible studies together and asked each other typical questions.

I imagine Derick asking Jill if she wanted kids and her responding, "Yes, totally, whatever the Lord brings!!" and Jill asking Derick the same question and his response, "Uhm, sure."

Derick: I'm really enjoying my year here in Nepal and I think maybe this is my calling.

Jill: OMG, me too! I've been on 7 missions with my family. I want to serve the people overseas when I become a midwife!

Derick: I like chocolate.

Jill: OMG, me too!

Jill: What's your favorite proverb?

Derick: Proverb 1:7.

Jill: OMG, me too, let's pray.

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46 minutes ago, Caracoa1 said:

If Derek did everything possible to get out of his covenant marriage with Jill; where would that leave her?  Could Derek get the kids?

My understanding is all Derick has to do to get around the covenant marriage thing is take up residence in one of the 47 other states that don't recognize it. As far as the kids, KJB would NEVER let his grand spawn be taken away!

I wonder if Der could claim fraud in the marraige; he was let to believe his barnacle bride was far more educated than she was plus the whole Josh nightmare.

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22 minutes ago, lulu69 said:

My understanding is all Derick has to do to get around the covenant marriage thing is take up residence in one of the 47 other states that don't recognize it. As far as the kids, KJB would NEVER let his grand spawn be taken away!

I wonder if Der could claim fraud in the marraige; he was let to believe his barnacle bride was far more educated than she was plus the whole Josh nightmare.

Bad judgement is no crime.  They are no different than other couples who marry someone that they don't really know.

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1 hour ago, toodles said:

Bad judgement is no crime.  They are no different than other couples who marry someone that they don't really know.

A crime? No. But in fundy circles is fraud just cause for separation or divorce? Or are you required to forgive because jesus & all? 

Not saying in this case, because we don't know what josh really did to his victims, but say a fundy girl claimed to be a virgin and was proven not to be, could the man claim fraud? Again, not talking Jill specifically.

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1 hour ago, toodles said:

Bad judgement is no crime.  They are no different than other couples who marry someone that they don't really know.

The family courts and public records are full of people who had buyer's remorse for marrying someone they really didn't know.

The only way to claim fraud would be if one of them had lied knowingly about their ability to consummate the marriage, nonconsummation, or lying outright about debt or lawsuits against them, or hiding a criminal past or participation in illegal activities or any other reason a state would grant an annulment or divorce.

In Texas you can be granted a divorce over spouse's criminal behavior.

Jil and Derick really had no chance of getting to know one another with her legion of spies following them around.

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True. Not to mention, Jill is a stickler for the rules, so unlike her sisters, I doubt that there were any private conversations. Even when Derick proposed, Jana and Jill were no more than 20 feet away. That's basically hearing a conversation from the other side of a kitchen or family room with no one else in the room. 

They haven't even confessed to private texts like Benessa finally did (and Jinger/Joy have done on camera). I doubt those were all group texts. And let's not forget FaceTime. Jill was never shown doing it on her phone like Jinger, just on a laptop with both parents basically lurking over her shoulder in case there should be any impropriety. I think Jill is the LAST of the sisters that Boob/Mechelle had to worry about!

Frankly, they're ALL so brainwashed that none of them really need chaperones.

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When it comes to Derrick's choice of wife I think he's a lot like many other men out there regardless of age, education, SES, religion, etc...he wanted someone who didn't challenge him and made him feel like king of the castle. Does anyone here NOT know at least one man who only dates/marries women who are no where near them intellectually? Not that Derick was ever some intellectual powerhouse but at the time of their marriage, Jill's ignorance was a feature, not a bug or even something he was unaware of. If--and I go back an forth on whether I believe this--he feels disillusioned by Jill because of her lack of education and what that has meant for his missionary dreams, he only has himself and his hubris to blame. He was the one who watched the show and actually admired JB and his ways enough to contact him about being his prayer partner. He was the one who wanted Jill as his wife. He was so sure of his superiority over us heathens that he entered a covenant marriage to prove to the world how much more dedicated he was to his marriage than everyone else. And I will bet cash that he did zero actual research in the requirements to being an SBC missionary, because, again, he's so superior that it wouldn't have occurred to him that neither he nor his wife wouldn't meet them. So, no, he wasn't lied to about Jill in any sense, he got exactly what he wanted, and if if happens to regret that now for whatever reason...well, you live, you learn. I'm not wasting any sympathy on him.  Jill is absolutely perfect for his dumb ass and I wouldn't wish him on someone better. 

Edited by lascuba
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4 hours ago, lulu69 said:

My understanding is all Derick has to do to get around the covenant marriage thing is take up residence in one of the 47 other states that don't recognize it. As far as the kids, KJB would NEVER let his grand spawn be taken away!

I wonder if Der could claim fraud in the marraige; he was let to believe his barnacle bride was far more educated than she was plus the whole Josh nightmare.

Derick cannot claim fraud, there wasn't any.  Marrying in haste and repenting at leisure happens a lot.  By Duggar standards, Jill is educated.  By Duggar standards, she is a midwife.  And she would hardly be the first person to marry without telling her husband about childhood molestation.  If Derick's standards are higher than the Duggars (whose aren't?), then he needed to find that out before he walked down that aisle. He married her without questioning her and her background.  He's not the first person to discover that his spouse isn't quite what they seemed at first glance.

As far as covenant marriage, there's the legal definition and then there's the fundy definition.  Nothing short of Jill cheating or being in a lesbian relationship is going to work with Derick's version of fundy. 

He strikes me as neither ambitious enough or independent enough to ever leave of his own accord.

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Being unhappy is one thing -- divorce is another. I would be very surprised if they divorced any time soon. I would imagine that they are receiving a great deal of "counseling" at the TTH. Unfortunately, there is no way that they will get any kind of counseling that will help. First of all, I can't imagine the magnitude of earthquake it would take to convince Jill that her parents are not the "perfect" marriage counselors for them. Second, I would imagine that any counseling would take the form of 99% Jesus and marraige as defined by the Wisdom Booklets and less that 1% of anything that might help in terms of communication, adjusting expectations, etc.

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They were canoodling on the TTH couch in that candid picture from NYE(?) that was posted, so maybe they're ok. Who can tell with these people? My *best* case scenario assumption with Jill and Derick is that marriage and child rearing in general has been a let down but that their immature feelings for each other are mostly intact, with my money on Jill being the more discontent. I tend to think that their glumness is more about having to perform for the cameras and a hostile audience...I think the family's fall from grace after the scandals hit Jill the hardest, because she was the most sincere in her love of her lifestyle and commitment to the "ministry," as well as being the sweetheart that got a lot of positive attention even from many people who hate the Duggars.  I assume that until marriage (or after the scandals) the family's seclusion extended to negative talk about them beyond the generic "they hate us because they're sinners." So now that the cat's out of the bag and they know how so many people feel about them, it must be hard to smile for the cameras when they know that people are going to criticize. 

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23 hours ago, graefin said:

I just can't buy that it was a rude awakening for Derick to find out that Jill is uneducated and, frankly, dumb. I mean, all you have to do is hear her speak for about five minutes to be able to come to that conclusion, and presumably they had a lot of conversations pre-engagement. I think he knew what he was getting into and is, despite any appearance to the contrary, happy with his lot.

I think Derick knew what the Duggars were all about.  HE chose Jim Bob which means he was sniffing around the Duggars looking for an "in" to their crazy world.  Derick was attracted to the Duggars and all that they stand for.

 Derick is not unhappy with Jill.  I think Jill is his trophy wife!

Marrying a Duggar validates who he wants to be. 

I see Derick as delusional and not a realist.  He floats around with ideas in his head.  Now he is a super hardcore religious guy who bagged a Duggar girl.  And he is a missionary to a DANGEROUS place.  Danger is important for Derick because it makes him even more special.  Derick has these dreams of being amazing...probably because he is always fighting his own deep feelings of being inadequate.  

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Quote

they know how so many people feel about them, it must be hard to smile for the cameras when they know that people are going to criticize. 

I agree but look at the many millions made.  I would love to have that kind of money and not have to work. Deal with the "devil" though, I suppose.

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8 hours ago, WhineandCheez said:

many people feel about them, it must be hard to smile for the cameras when they know that people are going to criticize. 

  There are plenty of people out there who choose not to see their detractors; they're so caught up in their own egos that they just pretend it doesn't matter and take backhanded swats at those who don't worship at their feet. 

As far as Derick is concerned, God gave him Twitter to smite his enemies and it makes him feel very Biblical like St Paul who was martyred for his words.  He has no sense of irony or humility; sort of like someone else who Twitters like a twit.

Edited by doodlebug
Political statement, incorrect usage of their/they're
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51 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

There are plenty of people out there who choose not to see their detractors; their so caught up in their own egos that they just pretend it doesn't matter and take backhanded swats at those who don't worship at their feet. 

That would also apply to Dear Leader Kim Jong Boob.

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The Duggars believe that people who dislike them...they hate God.

They wear that as a badge of honor. People hating them pumps them up! 

A lot of people enjoy the victim role, not just the duggars. 

Edited by Marigold
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On 2/9/2017 at 6:09 PM, Arwen Evenstar said:

I've wondered the same thing and mentioned similar thoughts in the past. At least in Fundyland, it seems more respectable to be a missionary, than to be seen as someone who lacks any ambition to start their own business or work in the family business. "My son, the missionary", sounds way better than..."my son, the lazy, grifting, sack of shit...really is a failure to launch..."

I can't fathom why a man who has a college degree in a stable profession, and who alsohas a stay at home wife, a toddler, and another one on the way can't be bothered to provide for them or himself properly. Derick seemed to be a nice, decent, humble guy who believed he was lucky to have Jill, but he's as idle, useless, and feckless as she is. Maybe he caught Duggaritis ?

I think Derick and Jill are betwixt and between right now, because the Missionary thing just didn't go as planned.  I think Jill broke down, could not hack it down there. I am sure she had good intentions, but was so sheltered and unprepared, she just wouldn't hack it. I also believe she had a PPD and a difficult physical recovery form the birth. I doubt they were having much sex, with the lack of hygiene, the depression and the accommodations.  No sex, no newlywed endorphins, no blessings on the way, it all went downhill.

 

While I feel bad that Derrick may have to put aside his dream of missionary work, that's too bad. That's marriage. If Jill had cancer or MS, he would have to put it aside; mental illness is no different. Sickness and health, ya know? He may be resisting going to work for Boob, but it may be the only way. He can suck it up and look forward to some local missionary work and the occasional missioncation.

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On 2/11/2017 at 7:16 AM, graefin said:

I just can't buy that it was a rude awakening for Derick to find out that Jill is uneducated and, frankly, dumb. I mean, all you have to do is hear her speak for about five minutes to be able to come to that conclusion, and presumably they had a lot of conversations pre-engagement. I think he knew what he was getting into and is, despite any appearance to the contrary, happy with his lot.

 

I realize that there are other things in life I should worry or think about on a daily basis, but I have to admit I am dying to know when it became obvious to Triple D that he'd made a serious error in judgment -- actually, several. Jilly Muffin's parents' insistence that she still needed a chaperone when they were at the church before their wedding? Their wedding night? Two weeks later when they discovered she was pregnant already? Did he attempt to have a serious conversation with her about the future and her education while they were on their honeymoon? What happened when he realized that reality (and by extension, their marriage) meant that not only was he never going to have the things he wanted in life, there is no way his wife is equipped to function in any way, shape or form on her own in any circumstance?

Another thought: When did it become obvious to his family that there was a pretty significant problem with Jilly Muffin? Did they try to talk with him about it at all?

Here's the next $64,000 question: Why would anyone do something stupid enough as have another child with this woman? She can't handle one. How does he think she's going to deal with two? One would like to hope that Triple D is adult enough to make a will, get some significant life insurance and leave it structured so Jilly Muffin could handle things if he wasn't in the picture, but it's pretty obvious that his wife is unable to deal with a solo trip to the grocery store let alone the thought that she may have to stand on her own hind legs for any reason.

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3 minutes ago, Missy Vixen said:

I realize that there are other things in life I should worry or think about on a daily basis, but I have to admit I am dying to know when it became obvious to Triple D that he'd made a serious error in judgment -- actually, several. Jilly Muffin's parents' insistence that she still needed a chaperone when they were at the church before their wedding? Their wedding night? Two weeks later when they discovered she was pregnant already? Did he attempt to have a serious conversation with her about the future and her education while they were on their honeymoon? What happened when he realized that reality (and by extension, their marriage) meant that not only was he never going to have the things he wanted in life, there is no way his wife is equipped to function in any way, shape or form on her own in any circumstance?

Another thought: When did it become obvious to his family that there was a pretty significant problem with Jilly Muffin? Did they try to talk with him about it at all?

Here's the next $64,000 question: Why would anyone do something stupid enough as have another child with this woman? She can't handle one. How does he think she's going to deal with two? One would like to hope that Triple D is adult enough to make a will, get some significant life insurance and leave it structured so Jilly Muffin could handle things if he wasn't in the picture, but it's pretty obvious that his wife is unable to deal with a solo trip to the grocery store let alone the thought that she may have to stand on her own hind legs for any reason.

When he found out that after Jill attending The School of the Dining Room Table she went to The School of the Labor Room Shack.

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4 hours ago, MamaMax said:

That's marriage. If Jill had cancer or MS, he would have to put it aside; mental illness is no different. Sickness and health, ya know? 

 

Welcome to the realities of marriage. Couples deal with this kind of stuff every day. It's really sad that KJB and J-Chelle's "premarital counseling" spent more time obsessing over whether or not Triple D would use a credit card for any, any, ANY reason and no time at covering the real shit that goes down when two adults agree to spend their lives together.

They can brag about their "covenant marriage" all they want. I'll be a lot more interested in their commitment to each other if and when they get the hell off of reality TV, spend the money to get Jilly Muffin a tutor that can assist her with getting an actual GED from a public school, find a specialist who can figure out what is going on with Triple D's health, and celebrate their fifth anniversary as actual partners in life instead of two kids playing house.

p.s. GET SOME MARITAL COUNSELING from an actual licensed and qualified professional, too. I can't stress it enough.

Edited by Missy Vixen
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22 minutes ago, Missy Vixen said:

Welcome to the realities of marriage. Couples deal with this kind of stuff every day. It's really sad that KJB and J-Chelle's "premarital counseling" spent more time obsessing over whether or not Triple D would use a credit card for any, any, ANY reason and no time at covering the real shit that goes down when two adults agree to spend their lives together.

They can brag about their "covenant marriage" all they want. I'll be a lot more interested in their commitment to each other if and when they get the hell off of reality TV, spend the money to get Jilly Muffin a tutor that can assist her with getting an actual GED from a public school, find a specialist who can figure out what is going on with Triple D's health, and celebrate their fifth anniversary as actual partners in life instead of two kids playing house.

p.s. GET SOME MARITAL COUNSELING from an actual licensed and qualified professional, too. I can't stress it enough.

That's the other problem with their religion...it's so fragile that they fear that anyone outside it might influence the Kidults to defect.  God forbid they go to a counselor...he/she might suggest-- HORRORS -- limiting their family size!

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Jill would probably move back in with the rest of the Duggar clan if something happen to Derick because lets face it, she is not capable of taking care of herself, Izzy and baby number 2 even if Derick leaves her an insurance policy and a minute to minute instruction plan on how to deal with the real world on a daily basis. JB would convince her to let him take care of any insurance benefits because she would need to focus on her children. None of the married kids are capable of taking care of themselves, spouses, and children.

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8 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Jill would probably move back in with the rest of the Duggar clan if something happen to Derick because lets face it, she is not capable of taking care of herself, Izzy and baby number 2 even if Derick leaves her an insurance policy and a minute to minute instruction plan on how to deal with the real world on a daily basis. JB would convince her to let him take care of any insurance benefits because she would need to focus on her children. None of the married kids are capable of taking care of themselves, spouses, and children.

I don't think that there's any question that this is what would happen. Jill must live under the umbrella of a male "headship" period. She can't be expected to handle money, or get a job, or anything else that might imply that a woman doesn't need a man in order to survive. And, unless she does some serious growing up over the next few years, I doubt it would even occur to her to want to do anything other than to move back "home."

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11 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

I don't think that there's any question that this is what would happen. Jill must live under the umbrella of a male "headship" period. She can't be expected to handle money, or get a job, or anything else that might imply that a woman doesn't need a man in order to survive. And, unless she does some serious growing up over the next few years, I doubt it would even occur to her to want to do anything other than to move back "home."

And she'd have to ask all her siblings to help her carry her suitcases across the backyard.

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11 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

I don't think that there's any question that this is what would happen. Jill must live under the umbrella of a male "headship" period. She can't be expected to handle money, or get a job, or anything else that might imply that a woman doesn't need a man in order to survive. And, unless she does some serious growing up over the next few years, I doubt it would even occur to her to want to do anything other than to move back "home."

The only chance of Muffy actually fledging is if nothing happens to Derick or their marriage and he makes her grow up. Must be hard to change when you've been told the only way to live is the way mommy and daddy said to.

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Well, obviously JB and M did this on purpose. They now have, what, -- 11? kids age 18 and over. And how many make any serious moves -- ever -- to do anything without intimate involvement by their parents and siblings?

Jill and Josh and now Jinge have all moved away, yes. But Jill and Jinge did it only because of spouses.

And Josh is back and Jill's back and while I guess we still could have some hope for Jinge she certainly didn't stand up for her supposedly dearly beloved fiance when her sister decreed he couldn't keep his own office or have his own books visible in his own house -- a house that's hundreds of miles away from said overbearing sister so that it was none of her damn business. And she didn't cave just because the incident was on reality tv. Reality tv is all about fights. But not in the Duggar family. where JB and M have succeeded to an incredible degree in creating a horde of kidults who could title their joint autobiography Animals Without Backbones. 

11! 11! who are 18 and over and apparently not one person in the bunch who dares to try real independence. Astonishing. And how is this going to get any better over time? If they do encounter more of the world -- and it seems as if they'll have to as they raise kids and their parents get older and weaker and both their money and power-wielding recede -- all they're going to see is how little they know, how uncomfortable they are with just about everything, and how incompetent they are to navigate anything outside the TTH. And those realizations won't be confidence builders.  

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1 hour ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but why do we think the marriage is troubled? Was something said, did something happen, are we simply speculating? 

If the marriage was in trouble, we'd never hear about it anyway.  Its just speculation based on the fact that both Derick and Jill seem to be unhappy and because things seem to have not gone as they had supposedly planned.  Derick is never going to be a trained missionary, Jill is probably incapable of completing the training required for it.  He is also seemingly not planning on becoming gainfully employed anytime in the foreseeable future even though he has a decent college degree and was working prior to his marriage.  It also appears that Jill is not cut out to live in another country, away from her family, etc.  It seems like something happened when they were in El Salvador that really scared the heck out of Jill.  From what we've seen on the show and from their own social media postings, it doesn't seem like they are doing anything to come to terms emotionally with these things which is a recipe for disaster.  Of course, being Duggars, they are going to keep pretending that everything is hunky dory.

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It is mostly speculation on all our parts...including everything @doodlebug wrote plus months of us commenting on seeing Jill decline into woodenness and sloppiness as well as Derick going from a clean cut neat, clean appearance to looking grubby and Scruffy and sickly and going on bizzaro Twitter rants.

Once someone seemingly normal (using that term loosely) undergoes a change in demeanor and appearance and looks like they have quit caring for themselves...one does begin to wonder about their mental health, and/or health in general.  We also know they have had a lot of stressful things already happen to them, some things that none us would ever wish on anyone.

People have split up for far less than those two have been through, or have at least had substantial strain put on their relationship.

Edited by Arwen Evenstar
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When will they announce another "course' they are taking so they can legitimize the DONATE button. << is that still up?

I think Derick loves the dependence and worship provided by Jill. Jill has no thoughts or opinions of her own and Derick could tell her the Moon goes to sleep during the day and she would believe it, so isn't she just custom made for a guy like Derick? She's a life-like sex doll. This will probably last for ever as they are a perfect fit. Blech, but there's someone for everyone.

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30 minutes ago, sometimesy said:

I think Derick loves the dependence and worship provided by Jill. Jill has no thoughts or opinions of her own and Derick could tell her the Moon goes to sleep during the day and she would believe it, so isn't she just custom made for a guy like Derick? She's a life-like sex doll. This will probably last for ever as they are a perfect fit. Blech, but there's someone for everyone.

No, silly, the moon is made of green cheese!

Like you, I echo the sentiment that there's someone for everyone. They're weird, but they seem to fit together. Derick loves his silly Jilly. He does post really sweet things about her. The whole dependency of Jill and the fact she's got no opinions of her own really irks me.

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I think the nicest scene with Jill and Derick was when they were painting the faceless picture of Jinger and Jeremy.  Jill was smiling and laughing along with him. (I found him obnoxious,  but he's not my husband)

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13 hours ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but why do we think the marriage is troubled? Was something said, did something happen, are we simply speculating? 

@doodlebug@Arwen Evenstar, and @sometimesy have covered it pretty well, IMO. Thought I'd chime in too - because in the past I've commented on how they rushed into their missionary activities in Central America. They did that instead of pursuing the longer process of working to be commissioned/hired as official Southern Baptist missionaries. I am sure that the official SBC route was Derick's ambition when they married, but he found out that Jill can't hack the educational and probably psychological qualifications for that. 

So, yes, the marriage started off with Derick having to drop a specific ambition, and with a high probability that he'd stupendously overestimated his wife's educational, social, and psychological development. 

But people change course in their life plans all the time, and marriages survive disappointments, setbacks, and even tragedies. I think Jill and Derick share a deep faith, and are committed to their marriage. Their life, despite the celebrity and TLC paychecks, has obviously not been all unicorns, lollipops, and rainbows. All too often during their CA stay Jill was a weepy sloppy Eeyore-ish mess, and Derick looks to be going through a health struggle. I think that Jill still loathes/fears Central America and I suspect their "return" to CA will be brief.

The Dillards aren't on any of my wish lists of people to host for dinner (Winston Churchill, Eleanor Roosevelt, Hedy Lamarr, and Andrew Carnegie are on this week's list). They're young, and often so snarkworthy when they aren't looking/acting miserable and troubled. But I wish them well. I don't see them getting divorced, and I hope that behind the scenes they are building strong bonds. 

Edited by Jeeves
Long long sentences are an abomination unto the reader. Thus saith Jeeves.
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