S07.E07: Man Of The House

[CofCinci]

Like someone wrote above, the name change convo is most likely Chelsea's baby-voiced dream but not an actual plan. "Cole-y, I weally weally wish we could all have the same last name."

[ReadMeLattice]

Actually, this isn't true, at least not in the US; according to the CDC, roughly 40% of children are born to unmarried women, which has been stable for almost a decade.

 

(http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/unmarried-childbearing.htm)

 

I can see a single mom giving the child the husband's name in order to perhaps keep him around and reassure him that it's his (and I think that's why Chelsea did it--that and Adam was actually speaking to her at the time), but I'm not sure how I'd run it if I had kids, particularly since even if I were married I'd keep my name (hey, it's mine, and has been forever) and it's a bit too long to hyphenate.  One of my sisters, who kept her name, gave the kids the husband's last name, but they had misunderstandings for quite a while ("But you don't have the same last name as the children--do you have permission from the parents to pick them up?"  "Um, I AM the parent.").  Personally, I solved the whole problem by never having kids!

Ah, you're right, I confused some of the stats. Latest overall stats that I could find (of newest studies, post-2012) are 47% overall, while over half of women will have a child out of wedlock at least once--so lots of the babies being born into marriage are half-siblings, etc. And 71% of women without a bachelor's degree will have at least one child out of wedlock, while if you have a bachelor's degree it's only a third (I was shocked by that difference). Among millennials--not just teens but women under 30 was how they defined it--it's a majority (64% overall) who will have at least one child outside of wedlock, so it's expected to grow. Statisticians expect the majority of all births to be outside of wedlock by 2025. I don't know what to make of that or if that's good or bad, it's just a different cultural landscape, I guess. Which will lead to more conversations about this kind of thing (the politics of name changes, etc).

http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2014/06/for_millennials_out_of_wedlock_childbirth_is_the_norm_now_what.html

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

My last name is MaidenName-HusbandsName. It's pretty long and we live on the south, where things are very traditional. We gave our son only HusbandsName as his last name, so he wouldn't have to try to spell a long ass hyphened name as a kid and also because hyphened names are VERY rare and seen as weird in the community where we live. My husband was okay with us giving our son my hyphenated last name but I didn't want to do that to him.

Since having my son, I've seriously considered just legally changing my last name to only HusbandsName. It would cut down on confusion and then we'd all have the same name. It's hard for me to give up MY unique Polish last name, especially since two of my degrees are in that name/it's been my professional name for nearly a decade and because I'm my dad's only child. But I probably will because it will make things SO much easier where we live.

My guess is there aren't a ton of kids with hyphenated names in Chelsea's community either. I get why she'd want them all to have the same last name but she has a different situation....her daughter's father is NOT her husband. If Aubree's last name was changed to Houska (which I doubt), then Cole better become a Houska. If Aubree is a Lind, then oh well, too bad. Unless Adam is going to sign away his rights and let Cole adopt Aubree, that isn't going to happen. And I seriously doubt that Adam is going to do that. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Adam fan and I'm so thankful he's not my baby daddy but Chelsea's stuck with him as Aubree's dad.

I'm going to go ahead and hope that this is all manufactured storyline and while Chelsea might wish they all had the same last name, that she knows in reality that it ain't happening and she shouldn't even really try to push for it to happen. I'm hoping this is all something MTV came up with.

Edited April 23, 2016 by MyPeopleAreNordic

[Sofinn]

Leah seemed more lively on this episode. She wasnt nodding and was actually showing emotions. Nice change, though I dont know if shes still on the pills.

I like Chelsea but my time is limited so I just skip her segments and watch trainwrecks.

Jenelle.. does she know any other words than dude?

Kail, she has a really pushy voice and it annoys me. Bye Javi, not gonna miss you and seems like Kail wont either. Glad he's been safe though.

[lilmarysunshine]

Does Chelsea not realize that every time she takes a dig at Adam that Aubree could easily interpret it as that she is somehow deficient?  Because she is who she is because of the circumstances of her conception and birth. You cannot take Adam out of Aubree. Every time she wishes aloud that Cole was Aubree's father, it is partly a rejection of who Aubree IS. I don't think Chelsea really means it that way. I think she means that in a perfect world, Aubree as she is would be Cole's daughter. But that's not the way it works and I think it really is some kind of rejection of Aubree's parentage.

[zenme]

If Chelsea makes a big deal about Aubree's last name, then so will Aubree.  I don't see what the big deal is.  Sure, Adam's not the father of the year, but he's still Aubree's dad, and he's still a part of Aubree's life, even though he doesn't play with her and Cole does.  Aubree's father's name is Lind, so is Aubree's.  Unless his last name is Hitler, big deal.  Chelsea just wants to completely eradicate Adam from Chelsea's life.  It's not like Adam is physically abusive to Aubree or is some kind of junkie drug addict.  Aubree will somehow manage to survive her childhood, thanks to Chelsea, Cole, and the rest of the Houskas.  IMO, Chelsea's just making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

[SPLAIN]

Leah seemed more lively on this episode. She wasnt nodding and was actually showing emotions. Nice change, though I dont know if shes still on the pills.

I like Chelsea but my time is limited so I just skip her segments and watch trainwrecks.

Jenelle.. does she know any other words than dude?

Kail, she has a really pushy voice and it annoys me. Bye Javi, not gonna miss you and seems like Kail wont either. Glad he's been safe though.

Leah seemed lively?

This episode hasn't aired yet.

[CofCinci]

Leah seemed lively?

This episode hasn't aired yet.

Maybe from the sneak peek?

 

Leah perks up when she's on the prowl for penis.

[NikSac]

Maybe from the sneak peek?

 

Leah perks up when she's on the prowl for penis.

 

Yeah, in the last episode she was downright perky at her dinner with Jeremy until she realized he was having none of it. In the Sneak Peek she looks pretty awake at Dr. Tsao's, too. Dunno if that's because she knew she was seeing Corey, she manages to clean up her act temporarily for Ali's critical appointments, or she's honestly doing better at that point.

[BitterApple]

Leah seemed lively?

This episode hasn't aired yet.

I think the poster may have mixed up the threads.

[BitterApple]

I don't think Chelsea really means it that way. I think she means that in a perfect world, Aubree as she is would be Cole's daughter..

Yeah, in Chelsea's mind I think she feels that stressing how awesome Cole is somehow mitigates the damage that Adam does, however a small child won't interpret it that way. All she hears is negative talk about her father and of course she's going to take that personally.

When Mary was asking her something along the lines of Cole being like a Dad, Aubrey responded "I like to call my REAL dad, "Dad." She knows who her father is and while she may adore Cole, I don't think he holds the same weight in Aubree's eyes.

[HellsBells]

If Chelsea makes a big deal about Aubree's last name, then so will Aubree.  I don't see what the big deal is.  Sure, Adam's not the father of the year, but he's still Aubree's dad, and he's still a part of Aubree's life, even though he doesn't play with her and Cole does.  Aubree's father's name is Lind, so is Aubree's.  Unless his last name is Hitler, big deal.  Chelsea just wants to completely eradicate Adam from Chelsea's life.  It's not like Adam is physically abusive to Aubree or is some kind of junkie drug addict.  Aubree will somehow manage to survive her childhood, thanks to Chelsea, Cole, and the rest of the Houskas.  IMO, Chelsea's just making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

At least it's a short, easy name to pronounce. I agree that it's no big deal and that she knows who he is and where her name came from as he is in her life. I know it's difficult to change a child's name . I wonder if Aubree was given her mother's last name at birth and Adam was listed on the birth certificate as the father, how tricky it would be to later change the name to the father's? I think it sucks for kids who are given their father's last name at birth to have those father's abandoned them when they are infants and then they're stuck with some random name that has no connection to them. A relative of mine has three kids with three different sperm donors, the kids all have different last names and now she has her husband's last name. I would almost advise a pregnant woman ( teenager) to give the baby her last name if she doubts he'll stick around, and if the father is still in the picture when the kid starts kindergarten, then change the name. Idk? I'm not judging, its confusing. I was not married when my child was born but we got married when he was a toddler. I changed my name years after we married when he started school because I decided I wanted us all to have the same name. Personal choice, my choice.

[HellsBells]

Ah, you're right, I confused some of the stats. Latest overall stats that I could find (of newest studies, post-2012) are 47% overall, while over half of women will have a child out of wedlock at least once--so lots of the babies being born into marriage are half-siblings, etc. And 71% of women without a bachelor's degree will have at least one child out of wedlock, while if you have a bachelor's degree it's only a third (I was shocked by that difference). Among millennials--not just teens but women under 30 was how they defined it--it's a majority (64% overall) who will have at least one child outside of wedlock, so it's expected to grow. Statisticians expect the majority of all births to be outside of wedlock by 2025. I don't know what to make of that or if that's good or bad, it's just a different cultural landscape, I guess. Which will lead to more conversations about this kind of thing (the politics of name changes, etc).

http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2014/06/for_millennials_out_of_wredlock_childbirth_is_the_norm_now_what.html

I think a lot of unmarried women who have children are not and do not consider themselves single because they are cohabiting and sharing everything and for all practical purposes, are married. Some people aren't religious , so the church thing is out. Some don't care to spend money on a reception and maybe don't care to be the center of attention. Because the taboo for the most part of being unmarried has waned, people are committing without the marriage certificate.

[lilmarysunshine]

Yeah, in Chelsea's mind I think she feels that stressing how awesome Cole is somehow mitigates the damage that Adam does, however a small child won't interpret it that way. All she hears is negative talk about her father and of course she's going to take that personally.

When Mary was asking her something along the lines of Cole being like a Dad, Aubrey responded "I like to call my REAL dad, "Dad." She knows who her father is and while she may adore Cole, I don't think he holds the same weight in Aubree's eyes.

Mary seems to be going for the "Cole is a great dad" soundbytes, too, with the leading questions and Aubree seems very aware that they're looking for her to praise Cole and say negative things about Adam.

 

And the thing is that I like Cole. He does seem like a good guy.

 

But lay off manipulating the 6 year old. None of this is her fault!

Edited April 24, 2016 by lilmarysunshine

[ReadMeLattice]

I think a lot of unmarried women who have children are not and do not consider themselves single because they are cohabiting and sharing everything and for all practical purposes, are married. Some people aren't religious , so the church thing is out. Some don't care to spend money on a reception and maybe don't care to be the center of attention. Because the taboo for the most part of being unmarried has waned, people are committing without the marriage certificate.

20-something percent calls themselves cohabiting/coupled of the unmarried segment, so that leaves quite a few. Also, cohabiting couples are still much more likely to break up than married ones. But yes, it's definitely changing.

[Sofinn]

I think the poster may have mixed up the threads.

Woops, I did! But well, I guess nothing really changes on the episodes so Im guessing Jenelle still uses the word dude all the time and Kail doesnt care about anything. No harm done.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Sofinn

[BitterApple]

Woops, I did! But well, I guess nothing really changes on the episodes so Im guessing Jenelle still uses the word dude all the time and Kail doesnt care about anything. No harm done.

Ain't that the truth;)

[Lurkergirl1113]

Long time lurker here! Correct me if I am wrong but doesn't Aubree have Chelsea's last name? At the end of Chelsea's 16 and pregnant,Randy, Chelsea and some other girl are in a lawyer's office and I am almost positive it had to do with a name change or adding Chelsea's last name. This all over after the infamous texts from Adam. I tried to go back and find the episode but am having trouble, does anyone else remembered??

[BitterApple]

She never went through with it. There was a screen shot of Aubree's first day of kindergarten and the name tag on her desk said Aubree Lind.

[DoctorWhovian]

I feel like a name is just a name, you can change it if you want and it's not really that difficult (the hardest thing for my friend when she changed her name after marriage was getting our university to recognize the name change, but all the government agencies had no issue). It's "traditional" to have women change their name after marriage, and I see nothing wrong with it, but I also see nothing wrong if she decides not to. Or if she hyphenates. Or if they both hyphenate. Or if they both decide to take on a brand new, third last name. Some people use a different name "officially" than they do professionally (look at various actors, who take on new names for SAG rules, only some officially change their name). I find it funny when I've heard people assume that they're related to some person because they have the same last name (mine's not that common but there are a few "famous" people with it and I've been asked). Your name only matters as much as you let it. Whatever works for your family.

 

All I can think is how much Chelsea must regret not agreeing to letting Adam sign away his parental rights after that text in her 16&P episode. 

[CofCinci]

Does anyone remember which season/episode Chelsea and her father met with the attorney to change Aubree's name?  From what I remember, it thought the name WAS changed.

[blubld43]

Does anyone remember which season/episode Chelsea and her father met with the attorney to change Aubree's name?  From what I remember, it thought the name WAS changed.

 

It was very early; maybe even in her "16 and Pregnant"? Aubree was a newborn, Chelsea was still struggling with the baby weight, and Adam sent her that awful text message "fat, stretch-marked bitch", "that mistake", and other really terrible stuff.  If it wasn't her "16 and Pregnant", it must have been the first season of TM 2.

[ReadMeLattice]

It wasn't 16&P, but it was season 1 or 2 of TM.

She also got surgery and could barely move and he had said he would help her and then never showed up.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Lm2162

[Mkay]

I did a Google search ( I also think I remember when he posted this) and it says Randy confirmed it is Aubree Lind.

[Fosca]

She was talking to the judge about changing the name at the end of her "16 and Pregnant" episode; I watched some of it during the last marathon showing and remember that distinctly.  I'm sure Adam dropped by for a quick break-up boink and convinced her to not change it, or else she thought Aubree having her last name would bring Adam back.  Um, yeah.

[GreatKazu]

The judge? I remember her speaking to an attorney, never a judge. I don't believe any scenes of Chelsea being in the actual courtroom have ever been shown.

[Fosca]

Might well have been an attorney; it was some variety of lawyer. Now that I think of it, his leading questions ("You're doing this so when the child goes to school she has your name, right?) it probably shouldn't be a judge.

[Miss Chevious]

Chelsea may as well leave it as Lind for right now. As soon as she marries Cole, she'll be pushing him to adopt Aubs so they can all have the same last name and be a family.

[Rebecca]

The only way that's happening is if Adam were to sign over his parental rights and I'm not even sure if all states allow that (long anecdote). Plus, even if he wanted to he'd never do it because of how it would look.

[Miss Chevious]

After the MTV cameras stop rolling, after the show is over and he fades back into obscurity, he won't care how it looks. Especially if he can ditch the child support payments.

[Rebecca]

I think it'll be, sadly, a good while before the show ends and even longer until they all fade into obscurity.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Rebecca

[truelovekiss]

My take on the last name is that Chelsea made an empty threat a long time ago that she was changing Aubree's name. Since then, she spent a good amount of time on the Adam-go-round. He manipulated her like a pro, and I'm sure convincing Chelsea to take the path of least resistance and leave Aubree's name alone was fairly easy. I'm positive she's still Aubree Lind.

I think Chelsea should have held her ground and changed it to Houska. However, I think changing it to Aubree DeBoer is not appropriate. Her dad sucks, but he's been present enough for her to identify him as her dad. She loves that jerk, and I think completely removing him from her life or changing her name to DeBoer would prove everything Adam said about Chelsea trying to replace him to be true.

My vote (as if I get one) is for

Aubree Houska or Aubree Houska-Lind and Chelsea Houska-DeBoer, so that way they have a common name. It gets trickier with future kids with Cole. But I think she just needs to remember that this isn't the biggest deal.

[Rebecca]

Is Jace's last name Evans?

[Chicken Wing]

I'm assuming this name change idea is just a passing thought that Chelsea tosses out there and they aren't actually considering moving forward with such a thing. Because I'm going to assume she's referring to changing it to DeBoer, or however you spell Cole's last name, and that is just not right. No. Stop it, Chelsea. Stop making me dislike you. Adam is a shithead. I will be the first one in line to agree with you on that, honey. I will be carrying the flag in the Adam Is A Shithead parade. But he's Aubree's father. Like it or not, that will never change, and she can't just go change Aubree's last name to help further her goal of pretending Adam doesn't exist. No, your daughter's name, as per your own choice, is Aubree Skye Lind. That is the name you gave her, and that is what she will keep until she decides to change it. As much as I am proud to wave the shithead flag, I will still defend the shithead's right to have his daughter have his name as was his legal right, as he legally agreed when he signed the birth certificate (as I presume he did, as that would be the only way for Aubree to have his last name when it isn't Chelsea's, yes?) and not have it changed just because his baby mama wishes she'd procreated with someone else instead. As much of a shithead he is, I'm sorry, I honestly don't think he's so utterly deplorable that he ought to be totally wiped from his daughter's existence.

 

As to why Aubree's last name has to be the same as her father's--it doesn't. She could just as well have been named Aubree Houska. Chelsea did look into changing it to that shortly after Aubree was born, when Adam made that horrible text that I will never forget as long as I live at the end of their 16&P episode. She never did follow through with it but I would have been more than fine if she did because Aubree was a newborn then. But even if her name was Aubree Houska, that's it. That's her name. Chelsea can't just change it to her new husband's name now. That's just silly.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Chicken Wing

[ReadMeLattice]

You can sign away your parental rights-- I think Adam wanted to when Aubree was first born?

[truelovekiss]

Is Jace's last name Evans?

Yes

[Chicken Wing]

You can sign away your parental rights-- I think Adam wanted to when Aubree was first born?

 

Yeah, in that awful, awful text message, he called Chelsea a stretch marked bitch and asked where and when he could sign the papers over on that mistake. I'm not sure how much of that was just Adam being a cruel, hateful shithead and how much of that he actually meant -- like he really planned to go to a lawyer's office and sign away his parental rights. Maybe 50/50. But obviously he never did, and Chelsea (annoyingly) never called him on it and though she looked into changing Aubree's last name from Lind immediately following that incident, she never followed through on it.

Edited April 25, 2016 by Chicken Wing

[GreatKazu]

I always felt Adam maintained a relationship with Aubree because his parents pushed him for their sake. They wanted a relationship with Aubree.

Adam is only concerned with his needs and those needs are his desire for MTV $$$. To maintain that need, he paints himself as the victim of MTV and Chelsea. He forces himself to sign on season after season in order to prove his victim status. He only wants to have unsupervised, 50/50 custody and be a great dad just like Jenelle wants to be a great mother!

[truelovekiss]

I always felt Adam maintained a relationship with Aubree because his parents pushed him for their sake. They wanted a relationship with Aubree.

Adam is only concerned with his needs and those needs are his desire for MTV $$$. To maintain that need, he paints himself as the victim of MTV and Chelsea. He forces himself to sign on season after season in order to prove his victim status. He only wants to have unsupervised, 50/50 custody and be a great dad just like Jenelle wants to be a great mother!

You could so easily swap out Adam for Ryan in this paragraph!  I agree with you though.  The major difference is that Jen and Larry are willing to jump through Maci's hoops, and they maintain really good communication with her on Ryan's behalf.  Adam's parents have been shady and dishonest with Chelsea before in order to cover up for Adam's shortcomings, which makes them just as bad as Adam in my eyes.

[Lemons]

But as of now, we all know Adam is only involved minimally, and only because of the MTV paychecks. Once the cameras are off, he'll disappear again, and since Chelsea's already been doing all the work anyway, I can't imagine why Aubree's last name wouldn't be Houska.

 

 

"We" don't know anything but what Chelsea says.  We don't know truth from exaggeration.  I think Chelsea gave her Adam's last name at that time because she thought it would work out.  Unfortunately it's not unusual for a woman to try and change her kids name when she has a new man. 

[Pdxblonde]

There's no way Adam is going to give up his parental rights, as long as MTV is still filming. How would Adam be able to afford his tacky tattoos and to buy a home, otherwise? Plus, I'm sure it gets him some tail (yeah, pathetic groupie white trash tail, but he doesn't care).

[starfire]

Adam needs to start ponying up more cash to support Aubree since he is working plus he has MTV money. Chelsea said on one of the last episodes that he only pays $150/month.

[BitterApple]

Adam needs to start ponying up more cash to support Aubree since he is working plus he has MTV money. Chelsea said on one of the last episodes that he only pays $150/month.

Adam was in a Twitter feud with Randy recently because Chelsea wants his child support raised to $900 a month. Adam inferred Chelsea would be using the money to support her lifestyle, not Aubree's. I wonder if a potential support increase is what's behind this renewed interest in having more custody.

Edited April 25, 2016 by BitterApple

[ChocolateAddict]

Given I don't even live in the USA, I have no idea about how much child support *usually* is.  But IMO a jump from $150 to $900 seems a bit much.  That's going from $1800 to $10,800 in one go.  I completely agree that Adam has to pay his share of Aubree's expenses, especially since he only has her for 4 nights a month with supervised visitation.  I also agree that Adam is a prick but is that amount of child support normal?  Isn't it based on how much the father earns?  I remember when Jeremy was told to pay (IIRC) $1200 a month based on what he was earning and goodness knows that Adam wouldn't be bringing home anything close to that. 

Could someone with more knowledge tell me how this works?

Edited April 25, 2016 by ChocolateAddict

[NikSac]

Adam needs to start ponying up more cash to support Aubree since he is working plus he has MTV money. Chelsea said on one of the last episodes that he only pays $150/month.

I was actually wondering about that $150 number. When she said it I couldn't tell if that was per month or per week.

[BitterApple]

Given I don't even live in the USA, I have no idea about how much child support *usually* is. But IMO a jump from $150 to $900 seems a bit much. That's going from $1800 to $10,800 in one go. I completely agree that Adam has to pay his share of Aubree's expenses, especially since he only has her for 4 nights a month with supervised visitation but still. I also agree that Adam is a prick but is that amount of child support normal? Isn't it based on how much the father earns? I remember when Jeremy was told to pay (IIRC) $1200 a month based on what he was earning and goodness knows that Adam wouldn't be bringing home anything close to that.

Could someone with more knowledge tell me how this works?

It may seem high, but you also have to factor in that Chelsea pays for Aubree's health insurance, which here in the US is not cheap. Chelsea makes way too much money to qualify for a subsidized program and likely doesn't receive benefits through her job.

If you add up food, clothing, school supplies, daycare, activities, health insurance and living expenses, the $900 may be a fair estimate.

[Katt]

It was in the original child support order that Adam was to provide Aubree's health insurance and both Randy and Chelsea have repeatedly said he never has.

[Pdxblonde]

I know child support is based on each parent's income AND time spent with each parent, but Chelsea's income is probably 3 times (or more) what Adam's is. I do think he should be paying his fair share, but I'm wondering how someone like Amber, who makes way more than Gary, is allowed to just skate by without paying anything, and Adam gets chastised by everyone for not paying his fair share. Or Janelle- how much is she actually paying to Barb, and eventually Nathan?

[ReadMeLattice]

It doesn't matter if Chelsea makes more. She is with Aubree 95% of the time and thus her contribution is already hugely disproportionate. Also, the child support is based on the payer's income alone, taking into account the school tuition, insurance, etc., that the parents have chosen. It makes no difference how wealthy or poor the other parent is.

Also, Adam also makes TM money, not just personal trainer money. He claims at least to make around $150,000 while Chelsea makes $250,000. Regardless, that is not (legally) significant. It's about equal shares of parenting, not who happens to have more money.

Edited April 26, 2016 by Lm2162

[Maharincess]

I agree, it shouldn't matter what Chelsea makes. Adam likes to brag that he has a house and a car, like that's all it takes to make a good dad, then he should be putting that money towards his daughter.