Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[Sandy W]

If we promise to send selfies, "Sam" has agreed to hover over the festivities in his helicopter and drop candles, bubble bath and a bushel of bananas.

[Sofa Sloth]

No way you got Sam to come!? I’m definitely going to etch his name in my arm before I arrive, I don’t know about you but my walls are coming right down. 

I’m so proud of all your efforts here ladies! It’s like the wise prophet Kody once said, ‘We have a lot of parties! I don’t want this to be just a party, I want this to be a Classy celebration!’ I think we are well on the way to achieving this based on the plan thus far. 

[Sofa Sloth]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Only if I can be guaranteed getting something 3 sizes too small. If it fits or is flattering it's a no-go.

Definitely. If you could just make sure you adhere to the modest is hottest rule and wear a long-sleeved turtle neck underneath your evening gown, that’d be great.  

[AZChristian]

42 minutes ago, Sofa Sloth said:

No way you got Sam to come!? I’m definitely going to etch his name in my arm before I arrive . . .

Are we still looking for dessert ideas? How about BANANA splits?

[Sandy W]

23 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

Are we still looking for dessert ideas? How about BANANA splits?

Banana splits would get my vote over mock tapioca puddink.

[Sofa Sloth]

I had thought of another little activity to keep us occupied, we can ask Kody’s mum Genille (spellingk?) for her Christmas caramels recipe and we can have a contest to see who can replicate them best! 

Winner is first in line for a spot under Meri’s downline on the next Lularoe cruise! 🚢 Runner up gets a free gastric bypass also courtesy of Lularoe. 

[LilWharveyGal]

3 hours ago, Sandy W said:

If we promise to send selfies, "Sam" has agreed to hover over the festivities in his helicopter and drop candles, bubble bath and a bushel of bananas.

ZOMG. Let's not let a Saturday night with "Sam" result in a "stolen purity" sermon on Sunday, ladies. Just saying.

[Kbo]

We need a group photo of everyone standing in front of a rundown looking building with lots of weeds, as we stare pensively into the distance contemplating how woke we are. No black and white pictures though, we need to show off those leggings #livingourwhy

[Sofa Sloth]

1 hour ago, Kbo said:

We need a group photo of everyone standing in front of a rundown looking building with lots of weeds, as we stare pensively into the distance contemplating how woke we are. No black and white pictures though, we need to show off those leggings #livingourwhy

Love this plan. Maybe we could find an unattractive brick wall or a garage door to pose in front of, if all else fails as the Browns have shown time again, this works nicely as a backdrop to classy photos. 

[Kohola3]

6 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Maybe we could find an unattractive brick wall or a garage door to pose in front of...

...or some prairie dog mounds. Just take your Plague Preventative ahead of time.

[laurakaye]

16 hours ago, DaphneCat said:

Speaking of cars, we'll all obviously have to drive separately so no one who lives in the area (or has guests) can actually find a place to park.  I'm thinking that instead of regular rentals we could go to rent-a-wreck and HOPE we get the cars that leak various fluids leaving puddles in front of Lizzie's.

If we're all driving separately, then I call dibs on being the one to rush out into the parking lot to throw a hissy fit tantrum and make everyone get back into their cars and park them as I see fit!  After that I will herd you all into a single room and declare myself "The General" and speechify until all eyes are on me and no one is smirking.  Try me, y'all, I got all day.

Edited June 19, 2019 by laurakaye

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, laurakaye said:

After that I will herd you all into a single room and declare myself "The General" and speechify until all eyes are on me and no one is smirking. 

Will there be charts and handouts?

[Sandy W]

If we have a shortage of sleeping accommodations in the main house, the overflow could utilize the tool shed that Meri has aggrandized to become The Caretaker's Cottage.

[laurakaye]

15 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

Will there be charts and handouts?

Of course.  My easel will be set up at the front of the room and each of you will get handouts writtten in crayon.  I will also be building a replica of the parking lot out of Legos and Sol's Hot Wheels for those of you who don't understand how to correctly park a car.

[laurakaye]

6 minutes ago, Sandy W said:

If we have a shortage of sleeping accommodations in the main house, the overflow could utilize the tool shed that Meri has aggrandized to become The Caretaker's Cottage.

No, that's where Bonnie sleeps!  Oh wait, no it isn't.  Yes.  No?  But yes it is!  No....but in my mind, yes!!

Edited June 19, 2019 by laurakaye

[AZChristian]

2 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Of course.  My easel will be set up at the front of the room and each of you will get handouts writtten in crayon. 

But . . . I can do PowerPoint!!!!

[Roslyn]

4 hours ago, AZChristian said:

But . . . I can do PowerPoint!!!!

...power point is boring...

[AZChristian]

10 minutes ago, Roslyn said:

...power point is boring...

You've never seen MY PowerPoint presentations.

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

OMG.... Your weekend sounds rilly rilly good. You are all so "woke".  Sadly, I will be unable to attend because my Lulueroe Jean Jacket doesn't allow my arms to reach the steering wheel to drive.   

[Sofa Sloth]

11 hours ago, laurakaye said:

If we're all driving separately, then I call dibs on being the one to rush out into the parking lot to throw a hissy fit tantrum and make everyone get back into their cars and park them as I see fit!  After that I will herd you all into a single room and declare myself "The General" and speechify until all eyes are on me and no one is smirking.  Try me, y'all, I got all day.

I’m sure we’ll all continue to ignore you and talk over you as you try repeatedly struggle to get attention and declare yourself ‘the General’.

Just a thought, maybe try to get your eye make-up as well done as this, to enhance your dark scowling and scare us all into submission? I have high expectations of you to match this look. 

[Gothish520]

4 hours ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

OMG.... Your weekend sounds rilly rilly good. You are all so "woke".  Sadly, I will be unable to attend because my Lulueroe Jean Jacket doesn't allow my arms to reach the steering wheel to drive.   

That's easy to solve, all you have to do is cut the arms off (a game changer!) and throw it over a LuLaRoe Lynnae and you'll be good to go!

[Sofa Sloth]

4 hours ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

OMG.... Your weekend sounds rilly rilly good. You are all so "woke".  Sadly, I will be unable to attend because my Lulueroe Jean Jacket doesn't allow my arms to reach the steering wheel to drive.   

14 minutes ago, Gothish520 said:

That's easy to solve, all you have to do is cut the arms off (a game changer!) and throw it over a LuLaRoe Lynnae and you'll be good to go!

Yes this!

There is a plethora of LuLaRoe options out there for you. Message me for info or join my FB group or live event!  How about LuLaCarly floral tent (as favoured by sister wives star Mykelti?) No arm restrictions there, (your biggest issue will be just locating your arms in all that clingy polyester). If all else fails, you could upsize the jacket to one of Truleys kid range she sells?

I’d love to help you find a solution though because we want to see you there! 

#livingmywhy #becauseIcan #lulacarly #parowanfashion #sisterwivesprimetimerconvention #enterprener #bossbabe #truleysellstoobutiwouldpreferyougivemeyourmoneynother

[AZChristian]

@Sofa Sloth

Responding to your suggestion that I just go buy some white sneakers that would qualify for the dress code for our get-together . . . 

Mr. AZC and I do four laps around the (air-conditioned) inside of the local mall almost every morning.  We tend to walk early to avoid crowds - and to cut down on actual SHOPPING.  This morning, while walking past a shoe store, that EXACT thought popped into my head:  "I need to buy some white sneakers for the SW weekend!!!"

Great minds think alike!

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

Are you guys already there ? 

[deirdra]

Tig Notaro was on Colbert last night and wearing sneakers, so I had to look, but they were light grey with navy.  Apparently she did not get the white sneakers memo.

[LilWharveyGal]

40 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

"I need to buy some white sneakers for the SW weekend!!!"

Let's be sensitive, folx.  Every non-queer person in the world who wears white sneakers is appropriating queer culture.  We need to be inclusive, uhhh, I mean exclusive, uhhh.... I mean let's just be #woke!

4 minutes ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Are you guys already there ? 

That is definitely not my posterior up in the air!  (What unfortunate timing!)

[AZChristian]

12 minutes ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Are you guys already there ? 

Not today, but I have been!

[Sofa Sloth]

3 hours ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Are you guys already there ? 

Aww you caught me! Thanks for catching me from my good side too 😊 Luckily thanks to #yoga I’m limber and flexible enough to strike a cheeky bum shot pose (a la Mariah) when I see a paparazzi. 

In all seriousness though, yes, I had to go early to help Bonnie set up the all the weeds for the photo backdrop @Kbo requested. (ugly brick walls and garage doors appear scarcer here than in Chi or Vegas - no offence to any locals-  so we’ll go with your option ).  

4 hours ago, AZChristian said:

@Sofa Sloth

Responding to your suggestion that I just go buy some white sneakers that would qualify for the dress code for our get-together . . . 

Mr. AZC and I do four laps around the (air-conditioned) inside of the local mall almost every morning.  We tend to walk early to avoid crowds - and to cut down on actual SHOPPING.  This morning, while walking past a shoe store, that EXACT thought popped into my head:  "I need to buy some white sneakers for the SW weekend!!!"

Great minds think alike!

Great minds certainly do think alike on both counts!  I also do shopping centre walking with my little one in pram in the summer months (and yes before opening hours as like the Browns I also lack financial restraint) and finish with a coffee before driving home again. Gets the exercise job done for the day. 

Anyway back on topic!  I hope you go back during opening hours and treat yourself to a shiny new queer pair, be sure to boast post about it on social media afterwards though, or else did it even happen? 🤔 

Edited June 20, 2019 by Sofa Sloth
Grammar

[Natalie68]

On 6/18/2019 at 2:56 PM, Sandy W said:

If we promise to send selfies, "Sam" has agreed to hover over the festivities in his helicopter and drop candles, bubble bath and a bushel of bananas.

We should just make a Sam mask and draw straws to see which gal gets to wear it.  I am thinking a GIANT mask of Sam.  Like those creepy large baby masks at Halloween.  

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

I never made any cinnamon rolls by scratch before, but I can bring these tasty morsels, if I leave them in the back seat facing the sun, they should be just perfect when I arrive.

#poptartsinparawan #betlizzieneverhadapoptart #parawanfoodcritic #parawangirlxweekend

Edited June 20, 2019 by Mahamid Frauded Me

[LilWharveyGal]

21 minutes ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

...if I leave them in the back seat facing the sun, they should be just perfect when I arrive.

Smart thinking to not use a toaster.  It would probably kill you.

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

57 minutes ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Smart thinking to not use a toaster.  It would probably kill you.

I heard wet bars take out more people annually than toasters - who knew ?

[Sofa Sloth]

5 minutes ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

I heard wet bars take out more people annually than toasters - who knew ?

I’m willing to bet it’s usually through alcohol poisoning right, not through your fellow sister wives murderous resentment when you spend the majority of the family  budget on one. 

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

1 minute ago, Sofa Sloth said:

I’m willing to bet it’s usually through alcohol poisoning right, not through your fellow sister wives murderous resentment when you spend the majority of the family  budget on one. 

Well being our snowflakes don't drink or so they claim, I also would wager on "death by tin can" forcing one sister wife to make wedding decorations out of tin cans and fake flowers and she may have cut an artery ? 

[Sofa Sloth]

1 minute ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Well being our snowflakes don't drink or so they claim, I also would wager on "death by tin can" forcing one sister wife to make wedding decorations out of tin cans and fake flowers and she may have cut an artery ? 

Agree. This seems like the most plausible death scenario. I guess there’s also the slim chance, someone could choke on one of the many pastries and baked goods it holds whilst you’re entertaining, which is a stretch, but wasn’t that the reason old Mer just had to have it? 

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

1 minute ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Agree. This seems like the most plausible death scenario. I guess there’s also the slim chance, someone could choke on one of the many pastries and baked goods it holds whilst you’re entertaining, which is a stretch, but wasn’t that the reason old Mer just had to have it? 

Yeah, I believe that was the initial intention to host fambily meals, then it went to doing nasty wet bar porn with bananas and a faux millionaire named Sam in mind

[Tabbygirl521]

On 6/18/2019 at 7:06 AM, DaphneCat said:

Since I'm naturally blonde and don't actually have eyebrows to begin with I can go really creative with the eyebrows!  I'm thinking permanent quilt marking pen.

May I recommend:

[DaphneCat]

3 hours ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

May I recommend:

Thanks TabbyGirl.  I'm thinking ebony for maximum impact.  Or possibly dip the sponges in indelible ink?

[Kohola3]

That eyebrow woman is in dire need of some drugs.  Who is that manic and still functions?

[kuebsr]

I have never, in all my COL qualifying number of years on this earth, watched even a minute of this show. But I read these forums like it's my job because you all crack me up.

[Galloway Cave]

FLDS ordered to give child workers backpay for harvesting pecans.

Sounds like the government is cracking down on Short Crick. Finally.

[DakotaJustice]

I was going to post this on Mariah's but thought it off topic so here it is- a photo from the newest avocado toast place that opened near my home. 

Looks delicious to me! I'd use heirloom tomatoes though. Not a big fan of the grape tomatoes, they just don't have much flavor IMO.

Edited July 6, 2019 by DakotaJustice

[Galloway Cave]

In the plyg town I lived in, first wives weren't always the legal wife OR the Queen B. Sometimes the patriarchs would change their minds about favorite wives, rotating through them depending on their whims.

[Natalie68]

On 7/6/2019 at 6:36 AM, DakotaJustice said:

I was going to post this on Mariah's but thought it off topic so here it is- a photo from the newest avocado toast place that opened near my home. 

Looks delicious to me! I'd use heirloom tomatoes though. Not a big fan of the grape tomatoes, they just don't have much flavor IMO.

That looks incredibly yummy.  

[Natalie68]

On 6/20/2019 at 5:36 PM, Tabbygirl521 said:

May I recommend:

This is what would happen if Sue Heck decided to have a vlog.  She also seems to have gotten those nifty peel and stick nail things that Mykelti is shilling.  I think we have now solved the mystery of Mariah brows.

Edited July 9, 2019 by Natalie68

[Gothish520]

1 hour ago, lma said:

Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. But I think we definitely saw the rule enforced among both families on TV. Paulie seemed to be the head of the Brady wives, and we know Meri was in charge for years. I bet this is more often the case than not. But I only go by what I read on the Internet and what they show on TV, lol.

Yes I could've sworn I read somewhere that the first and legal wife does have a higher status than the others, and her feelings and wishes should be given extra weight.

That obviously has a lot to do with the people involved, of course. If a first wife is too nice, too mild or subservient, or someone who seems to be a malcontent or boat-rocker, and subsequent wives are stronger personalities who know how to manipulate situations, I can see them gaining the upper hand. I also think it may have something to do with how soon polygamy is introduced and how willing the first wife is to live the lifestyle. We saw that with the Brineys of Seeking Sister Wife. Second wife Auralee was Drew's "angel",  his respite from first wife April's whining and unhappiness. 

Meri controlled things when dealing with Janelle and Christine; Robyn came along much later, when things had already begun to go south between Meri and Kody. Kody had not courted a wife for what, 20 years? He got swept up in a new romance - it was a perfect scenario for the new wife to gain favor.

[Sofa Sloth]

I agree with all of the above @Gothish520. I think Big Love (and then Meri and Robyn) may have set the representation for us that the first wife or legal wife is HBIC, but it’s probably more a combination of personalities and circumstances, that create one wife to carry extra power.

You would think to have polygamy work successfully, all wives would be married on same day and none married legally. That levels the playing field, in terms of who’s got any status right off the bat. The marriage certificate definitely creates a opportunity for superiority, despite all their protesting, they live in a monogamist world and it does mean something. 

I guess with polygamy too, power is all about gaining favor with the husband or even another wife, so you have that extra clout over your other sister wives in a group situation. You couldn’t really be a first wife tyrant for long, or there’d eventually be a wife mutiny like what we saw with Meri during Axels birth and they all ganged up on her. I think it’s been said before even by Kody. ‘You can’t gave one wife in charge of another in any way’ blah blah. (We all know it happens but they have to be subtle and stealth to have it be successful *cough Robyn)

 I think that’s also plyg logic behind the magic number of bringing in a third. They mentioned on the show  ‘they say if your having wife trouble bring in a third’.  Two are in a direct competition triangle, but three or more becomes a more complex situation where they are forced  to communicate with each other to establish alliances if they want to remain having any power in the relationship.

 It’s like a twisted game of survivor us monogamists thankfully wouldn’t understand. 

Edited July 10, 2019 by Sofa Sloth
Typo

[Twopper]

On 6/18/2019 at 9:50 PM, Kbo said:

We need a group photo of everyone standing in front of a rundown looking building with lots of weeds, as we stare pensively into the distance contemplating how woke we are. No black and white pictures though, we need to show off those leggings #livingourwhy

Dammit, I hate that I missed this party.

[Roslyn]

18 hours ago, Gothish520 said:

I also think it may have something to do with how soon polygamy is introduced and how willing the first wife is to live the lifestyle. We saw that with the Brineys of Seeking Sister Wife. Second wife Auralee was Drew's "angel",  his respite from first wife April's whining and unhappiness. 

Meri controlled things when dealing with Janelle and Christine; Robyn came along much later, when things had already begun to go south between Meri and Kody. Kody had not courted a wife for what, 20 years? He got swept up in a new romance - it was a perfect scenario for the new wife to gain favor.

Well...we can sympathize with April since they were married quite awhile before he "sprung" polygamy on her.  Second wifey was set up as the new sumthin sumthin as well as "ooo, of course I'll agree to polygamy".  Whamo, knock down the first wife and set up the whole scenario for failure. 

I think with Meri she was always front and center with Janelle and Christine to remind Kody of the "fair and equal" no matter how many kids etc. Robyn comes along and happens to be quite gifted in reading the relationships of Kody and all three established wives and with their long courtship she was a master at figuring out how to communicate with Kody by simply watching where he failed with the other wives.  voila. I believe it was Christine who said on the show "we all communicate so much better with Robyn in the family.  She makes us talk about things".  Well....duh!! Of course she does, so she can direct every little situation her way...but...but "her" way is always seeing the "family" as a whole.  Damn...she is good at being that "Kody whisperer"

[Gothish520]

1 minute ago, Roslyn said:

Well...we can sympathize with April since they were married quite awhile before he "sprung" polygamy on her.  Second wifey was set up as the new sumthin sumthin as well as "ooo, of course I'll agree to polygamy".  Whamo, knock down the first wife and set up the whole scenario for failure. 

I think with Meri she was always front and center with Janelle and Christine to remind Kody of the "fair and equal" no matter how many kids etc. Robyn comes along and happens to be quite gifted in reading the relationships of Kody and all three established wives and with their long courtship she was a master at figuring out how to communicate with Kody by simply watching where he failed with the other wives.  voila. I believe it was Christine who said on the show "we all communicate so much better with Robyn in the family.  She makes us talk about things".  Well....duh!! Of course she does, so she can direct every little situation her way...but...but "her" way is always seeing the "family" as a whole.  Damn...she is good at being that "Kody whisperer"

Oh yeah, April was all but ambushed by Drew. They were married and had a few kids before he sprung it on her. I also think April is very sensitive and fragile emotionally. Good for her for getting out, and I hope it turned out to be the right thing to do and things are going well for her and her children.

Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Kody were all young, dumb, and inexperienced when they entered into their respective relationships. Even though Janelle had been married before, she was only 21 when she divorced Meri's brother and 23 when she and Kody spiritually married. Robyn was older and divorced with three kids. She's socially aware, open-minded, and much savvier than the other wives were at her age. She's not a doormat and not taking anyone's crap, and I can't fault her for that. I have no trouble believing that she calls Kody out on his bullcrap regularly, not just with regard to her but how he acts with the rest of the family as well. I dare say she, out of them all, has probably helped make Kody a better man.