Leon Brown: So Here's Me

[laurakaye]

@Roslyn, I did try that, but she's got so many categories of stories that I didn't know where to look.  The first story category that comes up was, no joke, labeled "Sweat."  Also there's "Yoga," "Dranks," "Brunchin'," "Coffee," "Eats," and "Self-Care."  I mean, I wanna get out the hose so bad right now, it's not even funny.

[Roslyn]

5 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

@Roslyn, I did try that, but she's got so many categories of stories that I didn't know where to look.  The first story category that comes up was, no joke, labeled "Sweat."  Also there's "Yoga," "Dranks," "Brunchin'," "Coffee," "Eats," and "Self-Care."  I mean, I wanna get out the hose so bad right now, it's not even funny.

Ahh. I searched for her page and then just touched her profile pic.  If it has that funny pink circle around it, that means there is a new "story" posted.  I now see the other ones further down the page and yes...there are just too many.  I have a feeling she is very, very over the top in person... We might need to borrow professional sized water hoses....

[DakotaJustice]

Again - she's overexposing herself, any marketing person would say not to do that. But then again she takes after good ol Mom. 

Sunday at 8 am for a class is a TERRIBLE time. Most people who would go to an early morning yoga class on Sunday already have a favorite instructor. And I gotta say, that there's a terrific 815 am Sunday spin class with my favorite instructor who fills up all of his other classes- if you don't book a day in advance on the app, forget it - but Sunday morning he gets half the peeps if he's lucky. I used to teach an 830 strength training class and I had my diehard people but for the most part it's just too early and also a lot of folks who regularly hit the gym use Sunday as their off day.

[laurakaye]

I agree, I have a favorite Sunday yoga class but it's at 4pm.  And it's autumn in Chicago - if she's hosting this yoga sesh outside, she's in for a rude awakening.  Of course, if it's inside at the abandoned prison where she routinely takes selfies over the sewer grate, then she'll probably be okay until at least mid-October.  Sign up now before it's too cold/rainy/windy/icy!

[deirdra]

1 hour ago, Roslyn said:

We might need to borrow professional sized water hoses....

Fire hoses connected to a hydrant!

[Twopper]

2 hours ago, Roslyn said:

Ahh. I searched for her page and then just touched her profile pic.  If it has that funny pink circle around it, that means there is a new "story" posted.  I now see the other ones further down the page and yes...there are just too many.  I have a feeling she is very, very over the top in person... We might need to borrow professional sized water hoses....

Just reading about her exhausts me.   She reminds me more and more of Janelle, and not in a good way. 

[Sofa Sloth]

4 hours ago, laurakaye said:

 The first story category that comes up was, no joke, labeled "Sweat."  Also there's "Yoga," "Dranks," "Brunchin'," "Coffee," "Eats," and "Self-Care."  I mean, I wanna get out the hose so bad right now, it's not even funny.

This ones dedicated to you, blow her off your lawn 

[Kohola3]

Quote

This ones dedicated to you, blow her off your lawn 

Dang, SS, you have hidden talents!

5 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

@Sofa Sloth, can you be sure to get her hair really well? It may be the closest she gets to a wash.

I think we should chip in and buy one of those bottles of siding cleaner that you attach to the hose nozzle.  Fill it with shampoo and blast away.

[Sofa Sloth]

7 hours ago, Roslyn said:

We might need to borrow professional sized water hoses....

5 hours ago, deirdra said:

Fire hoses connected to a hydrant!

Sick of fakers loitering on your lawn? Tried regular hoses and whilst giving them a well-needed shower, it just doesn’t shift them? 

You sound like you need the ‘COL blast’ attachment!  Simply clip to your regular hose and it’s patented turbo design will get them gone in an instant. Set to min power and you’ll send that poser rolling head over tit towards the sidewalk.

Bit madder than that? Particularly fake faker darkening your doorstep and need more fury? No problem! Set your COL blast to max power and it’s off to the moon with the woke folx. 

Order today through my live sale on Facebook, use the code ‘BYEMARIAH’ for 10% off.

Edited September 23, 2019 by Sofa Sloth

[xwordfanatik]

Sofa, I agree with Kohola, you are very talented.  Take that, wokey Mariah!

I rilly, rilly, rilly hope Pudge reads here.  Hose job!

[Sofa Sloth]

8 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

@Sofa Sloth, can you be sure to get her hair really well? It may be the closest she gets to a wash.

Yes! Good idea. 💡

Remove her from your lawn and wash her at the same time. I like it. 

[ginger90]

I didn’t realize stories were saved like they are. I’m not going to go there again, though. Sharing 2 that were lovely......with no proofreading involved:

[LilWharveyGal]

Le sigh. I know everyone curses, but I find this lazy and, dare I say it, vulgar. I guess I'm officially joining the COL!

@Sofa Sloth, in addition to the hose can you wash her mouth out with soap?

[Sandy W]

9 minutes ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Le sigh. I know everyone curses, but I find this lazy and, dare I say it, vulgar. I guess I'm officially joining the COL!

@Sofa Sloth, in addition to the hose can you wash her mouth out with soap?

It's just gratuitous profanity.  She's like a 9 year old boy who has just discovered "Swear Words".  It adds nothing to her woke message except to highlight her lack of effective expression.

[Rabbit Hutch]

21 hours ago, jojo3couleurs said:

I want to see a daily soaking picture, pleeeeaaaaaase!!! Can't stop laughing!

Yeah, me too!  One of the funniest photos I've seen in these forums.  😃

[DakotaJustice]

Did I mention twice already that she's going to burn people out and even her fans will eventually say enough already and just stop caring.

[deirdra]

I especially like the hosings where she flips head over hooves.

[jojo3couleurs]

11 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

This ones dedicated to you, blow her off your lawn 

Totally wasn't expecting THIS!!!! 🤣  Keep 'em coming!!

[Sofa Sloth]

6 hours ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Le sigh. I know everyone curses, but I find this lazy and, dare I say it, vulgar. I guess I'm officially joining the COL!

@Sofa Sloth, in addition to the hose can you wash her mouth out with soap?

It’d be my pleasure!

[Higgins]

10 hours ago, ginger90 said:

I didn’t realize stories were saved like they are. I’m not going to go there again, though. Sharing 2 that were lovely......with no proofreading involved:

Id Yogi anatomy different than human? 

[xwordfanatik]

Ugh.  Those Fred Flintstone feet are absolutely gross.

I guess ol' Pudge isn't worried about a future employer looking at her stupid posts.  That's something I'd think about, but not Pampered Princess.  Her Royal Wokeness is so special, after all.

[TurtlePower]

3 hours ago, Higgins said:

Id Yogi anatomy different than human? 

Lol! When I saw that I rolled my eyes so hard I had to work to retrieve them from the back of my eye sockets. 

She should already know about anatomy, being an instructor and all. Unless, of course, she rushed to earn herself a title without prior study and knowledge (Brown Family Tradition). 

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, xwordfanatik said:

...a future employer....

HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Like that's going to happen.  She plans on following the Brown Financial Plan to the end. 

Anybody placing bets on her hopes of getting her own Woke with Sludge and Pudge Show?

[Sandy W]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Like that's going to happen.  She plans on following the Brown Financial Plan to the end. 

Anybody placing bets on her hopes of getting her own Woke with Sludge and Pudge Show?

I think you are on to something there Kohola, they have already appeared on a few Podcasts, that will be their next step, to have their own Podcast, then on to a local cable show,, next step Network TV land.  I can see it now, how these two have pioneered the LGBT(ABCDEFetc) movement and bravely paved the way for other folx to have a voice. 🙄

[Fig Newton]

Sorry all.

I just nerded the fuck out reading over the past 10 pages !!

And.....enjoy THIS shit out of this coffee?? The shit, I am guessing, is what unwoke meant to write? Maybe she meant the coffee will make her shit? This is potentially exciting. I don't think we are too far off from Papaya Mariah discussing her daily bowel movements or explaining to her following how changing positions and resting your darling little sphincter muscles can help the  poo machine. 

Would her anal sphincter be darling? I am trying to figure this out. Her uterus is cute, so it seems to reason..........

[xwordfanatik]

4 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

HAHAHAHAHAHA.  Like that's going to happen.  She plans on following the Brown Financial Plan to the end. 

Anybody placing bets on her hopes of getting her own Woke with Sludge and Pudge Show?

You're more than likely right.  What was I thinkingk?

Oh, I hope you are wrong about the Wokes getting their own show.  What a waste of film that would be!  🤮

[Absolom]

They won't catch me watching that if they choose to try it.

[Sandy W]

2 minutes ago, Absolom said:

They won't catch me watching that if they choose to try it.

But, but, just think of the endless hours of snark-meat they would provide for us.🤣

[ginger90]

Hopefully someone has better eyes than me to see her oh so full schedule, and notes to herself.

[deirdra]

3 hours ago, Fig Newton said:

Would her anal sphincter be darling? I am trying to figure this out. Her uterus is cute, so it seems to reason..........

Next thing you know she'll be demonstrating how to use a Squatty Potty.  With her vast experience abroad (one trip to Bali), she probably encountered those hole-in-the-floor potty/showers.  This may be the reason for her love of yoga poses over sewer covers.

[LilWharveyGal]

30 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Hopefully someone has better eyes than me to see her oh so full schedule, and notes to herself.

Oh how I wish I could!  I'm so ready to snark but the handwriting just gets blurry on my screen when I zoom in.  However, I can tell that she's using one of these planners.  So if she starts shilling them or joins the #pashfam you heard it here first.

[TurtlePower]

2 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Hopefully someone has better eyes than me to see her oh so full schedule, and notes to herself.

I saw some deer scat that looks just like her brekky bowl there. 

[toodles]

On 9/23/2019 at 12:29 PM, Sofa Sloth said:

Sick of fakers loitering on your lawn? Tried regular hoses and whilst giving them a well-needed shower, it just doesn’t shift them? 

You sound like you need the ‘COL blast’ attachment!  Simply clip to your regular hose and it’s patented turbo design will get them gone in an instant. Set to min power and you’ll send that poser rolling head over tit towards the sidewalk.

Bit madder than that? Particularly fake faker darkening your doorstep and need more fury? No problem! Set your COL blast to max power and it’s off to the moon with the woke folx. 

Order today through my live sale on Facebook, use the code ‘BYEMARIAH’ for 10% off.

I'll take 5.  They are gonna make GREAT Christmas gifts.

[Jeanne222]

Did anybody happen to read Meri's page today about how she spent the weekend alone calling out to her inner self or some such nonsense!  All accompanied by photos!

Like mother like daughter!

[Sandy W]

5 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Did anybody happen to read Meri's page today about how she spent the weekend alone calling out to her inner self or some such nonsense!  All accompanied by photos!

Like mother like daughter!

Ginger posted the whole blurb on the Meri thread, page 164, about 1/3 of the page down.  🤢

[deirdra]

3 hours ago, LilWharveyGal said:

Oh how I wish I could!  I'm so ready to snark but the handwriting just gets blurry on my screen when I zoom in.  

I think she may have chosen to make it blurry since we snarked so hard on her last one, before she needed a "planner" for so few events per day.

[Sofa Sloth]

1 hour ago, toodles said:

I'll take 5.  They are gonna make GREAT Christmas gifts.

Wonderful Toodles, thank you for your order! 

We do have a deal on at the moment, buy 5 COL Hose Attachments and receive one of our special indoor or outdoor COL Sweepers absolutely FREE! 

The Indoor COL Sweeper is perfect for ridding your home of any woke intruders that may make it past your lawn with their ridiculous blathering. To use:- Swing in a threatening fashion until you make contact, the sweeper will then give the woke folx a sharp shove off to the lawn or doorstep (where you can then easily finish it off with the COL Outdoor Sweeper or COL Hose Attachment.)

The Outdoor COL Sweeper is a classic style, it’s strong simple design, is perfect for delivering a sharp wallop to the woke folx behind, ensuring their swift and effective removal from your premises. 

Please do not hesitate to contact us to choose your free gift and thank you again for your order!

[CouchTater]

12 minutes ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Wonderful Toodles, thank you for your order! 

We do have a deal on at the moment, buy 5 COL Hose Attachments and receive one of our special indoor or outdoor COL Sweepers absolutely FREE! 

The Indoor COL Sweeper is perfect for ridding your home of any woke intruders that may make it past your lawn with their ridiculous blathering. To use:- Swing in a threatening fashion until you make contact, the sweeper will then give the woke folx a sharp shove off to the lawn or doorstep (where you can then easily finish it off with the COL Outdoor Sweeper or COL Hose Attachment.)

The Outdoor COL Sweeper is a classic style, it’s strong simple design, is perfect for delivering a sharp wallop to the woke folx behind, ensuring their swift and effective removal from your premises. 

Please do not hesitate to contact us to choose your free gift and thank you again for your order!

I don't know why these pictures "tickle" me so much (as my mom used to say), but they do!

Keep 'em coming @Sofa Sloth and thank you!

[xwordfanatik]

7 hours ago, Sandy W said:

But, but, just think of the endless hours of snark-meat they would provide for us.🤣

Snark-meat, I love it!  

That bowl of whatever it is, looks like ca-ca.  "Deer scat" describes it pretty well. 

[xwordfanatik]

Sofa, you continue to outdo yourself.  I'll take both of those COL sweepers.  Her Royal Wokeness wouldn't dare to step foot in my yard, and if she does, I'll be ready!

[Yeah No]

7 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Hopefully someone has better eyes than me to see her oh so full schedule, and notes to herself.

I think the most important thing to see on that schedule is all the white space. 

She made it just blurry enough that you can't blow it up and see the words, but her use of long arrows after an entry to me is BS and she's just padding the time in for more woke lattes and posing for Instagram posts.

[Kohola3]

9 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Please do not hesitate to contact us to choose your free gift and thank you again for your order!

Is there shipping and handling for each item?  Never mind, doesn't matter.  They look like something I just cannot live without.  And great Christmas gifts for my COL colleagues. 

Look our woke folx, we're gunning for you!

[laurakaye]

Step 1 - spend an hour writing tiny cryptic notes in a planner.  Account for every hour, making sure to add in time for yoga, coffee, self-care, brunch, shilling, grifting, whining, selfies, and "studying."

Step 2 - carve out at least 90 minutes in the kitchen composing a bowl consisting of several types of grain/fruit/nuts, making sure to keep the syrup and sugar hidden at the bottom.  Repeat as much as is necessary to get just the right combo of "inedible" and "woke."  Feed the crap that doesn't look quite right to the dogs, or Audj.

Step 3 - choose a mug from the pile of unwashed dishes in the sink - preferably one that has a "woke" expression written on it, or perhaps that cool one that you nicked from the coffee shop down the street.  Pour a cup of coffee so strong that your followers can smell it through the screen.

Step 4 - spend as much time as you need arranging and re-arranging each item to its maximum potential to allow your followers to see how very very busy, important, and crunchy you are.  Take and delete as many photos as you must.  Seriously, take all day if need be.  This is the most important step in the process.  Xtra woke points if you can include your feet, your tats or your armpit in the shot.  It gets easier with practice - within a month or more of daily posting, you should be able to get this portion down to about two and a half hours.

Step 5 - Make sure Audj is home to feed and walk the dogs so they don't disturb you while you take a long nap, because wokeness is exhausting and your uterus is complaining.

7 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

Sofa, you continue to outdo yourself. 

I agree!  And the funniest part of it all is that Mariah herself poses in such ways that make her actually appear to be blasting away in a spray of ice-cold water!  Bravo!

Edited September 25, 2019 by laurakaye

[Sofa Sloth]

But WAIT! There’s more. The first 5 customers to order their COL Blast Hose Attachment will also receive the COL Hose Extender as our special gift to you! 

Simply clip on the extender to your existing hose attachment and it allows you the freedom to roam neighbourhood streets in search of woke folx who are quenching for a drenching! 

Don't wait for them to get on your lawn! With the COL Hose Extender, you can proactively get them first as they unhygienically laze with food in the street

Or as they occupy a table for hours, with just one coffee, taking insipid selfies at your local coffee shop -

 

You can even catch them when they are pretending to work out at Soul Cycle! 

Remember this offer is not available in stores, so please join my Facebook group Unwoke COL where I have live sales from my basement. 

*Like these products? Imagine selling them as your very own business! You too can be an entrepreneur! Come join my team! I can show you how to make me rich (if you have a free 6 grand sitting around for start up costs).#BecauseICan #Bossbabe #LivingMyWhy #BecauseOfUnwokeCOL

[Yeah No]

22 minutes ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Remember this offer is not available in stores, so please join my Facebook group Unwoke COL where I have live sales from my basement. 

*Like these products? Imagine selling them as your very own business! You too can be an entrepreneur! Come join my team! I can show you how to make me rich (if you have a free 6 grand sitting around for start up costs).#BecauseICan #Bossbabe #LivingMyWhy #BecauseOfUnwokeCOL

Sofa, you're killing me!!!!  You really need to start this Facebook group and post these pictures there, I'd join!

[laurakaye]

**immediately writes check for six grand, sends it to @Sofa Sloth**

psst......if we all get in here on the ground floor, you guys, we will be RAKING in the cash in mere months!

Edited September 25, 2019 by laurakaye

[DaphneCat]

4 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

**immediately writes check for six grand, sends it to @Sofa Sloth**

psst......if we all get in here on the ground floor, you guys, we will be RAKING in the cash in mere months!

We can become MENTORS! TRAINERS! or one of many different levels that I'm sure @Sofa Sloth has thought of.

[xwordfanatik]

Can we be bitchy and snippy with our customers?  It seems to work for Mother Meri.

[laurakaye]

LOLZ...."No, I don't HAVE that hose in extra large, Madge.  But I promise a large will stretch right down the block and you'll be FINE.  Fed-Ex me a check by tomorrow afternoon or Janet from Paducah is gonna get the last "Tempest."  Now get off my page."

Edited September 25, 2019 by laurakaye

[Sofa Sloth]

7 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

Can we be bitchy and snippy with our customers?  It seems to work for Mother Meri.

Absolutely. In fact it’ll be strongly encouraged that my sellers be cranky and intolerant when dealing with customers, as part of my vision for the Unwoke COL brand. I want us to have authenticity, so all my brand ambassadors must use the products themselves and just be a little bit fed-up with life these days.  

7 hours ago, laurakaye said:

LOLZ...."No, I don't HAVE that hose in extra large, Madge.  But I promise a large will stretch right down the block and you'll be FINE.  Fed-Ex me a check by tomorrow afternoon or Janet from Paducah is gonna get the last "Tempest."  Now get off my page."

Perfect! @laurakaye you’ll be seller of the year on the Unwoke COL cruise with sales tactics like that! Welcome aboard! You will be at the pointy end of the pyramid as a COL Captain. Please continue to mercilessly recruit your friends and family to fill our many tiers, and read some of our testimonials to help you get underway with your new business. 

Testimonials 

I came across unwashed woke folx blocking the sidewalk one day, one was posing in her glaringly white sneakers rudely instructing another girl lugging a huge camera to ‘be sure to feature the gay sneakers and expensive pants she hadn’t taken off all summer’. Luckily, I had my trusty COL extender hose on hand and was able to easily wash those pants for her, whilst also moving her along. Great product! -anonymous Chicago COL

Edited September 25, 2019 by Sofa Sloth