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Small Talk: No Pun Planned

Absolom

By Absolom
in Little People Big World

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ZoloftBlob

ZoloftBlob

Yeah, and frankly I am on the pro-Jake side in that I don't think he should be killed or die of an overdose simply because he occasionaly smokes some weed... That I don't think he *should die* doesn't mean I think he's being adorable posting pictures of pot leaves on line.

 

Or to use an Audrey example.... I don't hate Audrey at all but I do think she's basically a bit of a shallow, sheltered girl. I caught flack on that board for pointing out that a post on her blog about her trials in moving to los angeles was a bit... exaggerated in that she made it sound like she was left crippled, in pain, alone, in a darkened apartment with no transportation, no food or water and no ability to escape (and she then had a revelation from God to not let satan take her) and yet if you actually read the blog post, she was clearly able to drive and was left alone in an apartment that had furniture and she even talks about driving to a hotel later the same day. After getting yelled at that there was NO WAY Auj could have lied, even my temper is tested.

  • Love 7
MarysWetBar

MarysWetBar

5 minutes ago, Maharincess said:

Did Amy at least say thank you? I doubt it but I hope she did.  I hate the host of Chopped so I never watch it. 

After seeing the nastiness that Amy calls a home, I wouldn't eat anything she cooked.  People like Amy and the Hoarder shows are the reason I refuse to eat at pot luck dinners.  

I am exactly the same way!  I always blame food allergies at work potlucks  but I'm skeeved out by ppl i don't know or trust touching my food.

  • Love 1
Maharincess

Maharincess

1 hour ago, MarysWetBar said:

I am exactly the same way!  I always blame food allergies at work potlucks  but I'm skeeved out by ppl i don't know or trust touching my food.

My former neighbor brought me some spaghetti one day when I wasn't feeling well.  She had a friend with her when she brought it and the friend pulled me aside to tell me about the condition of the neighbor's house and to tell me that there was a cockroach on the plate my spaghetti was on and that my neighbor just flicked it off with her finger before putting the food on the plate. 

I still shudder to think that I may have eaten that shit. 

  • Love 6
walnutqueen

walnutqueen

All this talk of mistaking Zoloftblob for ZoloftBob reminds me of all the misconceptions I've had about screen names, because I read fast, have bad eyesight, and my brain seems to grab the first thing that comes to mind (and yes, for the longest time I "saw" ZoloftBOB, too!).  Just a few examples:

AKraven - obviously AK raven, but I thought it was A. Kraven, as in a name.

qtpye - for some reason, my brain transposed it to q-type (makes no sense, I know!).

Andyourlittledog2 - I thought, cool - you guys have a little dog named Andy!

There are probably more embarrassing mistakes I've made, and will continue to make, but eventually I DO get it right.  :-)

  • LOL 1
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walnutqueen

walnutqueen

1 hour ago, ZoloftBlob said:

See, and I actually sought out the icon of the Zoloft  Blob to be clear :)

See, we, the visually impaired, can't decipher icons for shit. AKraven had A PICTURE OF AN ACTUAL RAVEN, and I still didn't get it.  I am not a visual person ... give me aural (but never oral) and I'm in my comfort zone.  :-)

The world left me behind when icons replaced the DOS prompt, and logical commands.  :-)

  • Love 3
Jellybeans

Jellybeans

9 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

All this talk of mistaking Zoloftblob for ZoloftBob reminds me of all the misconceptions I've had about screen names, because I read fast, have bad eyesight, and my brain seems to grab the first thing that comes to mind (and yes, for the longest time I "saw" ZoloftBOB, too!).  Just a few examples:

AKraven - obviously AK raven, but I thought it was A. Kraven, as in a name.

qtpye - for some reason, my brain transposed it to q-type (makes no sense, I know!).

Andyourlittledog2 - I thought, cool - you guys have a little dog named Andy!

There are probably more embarrassing mistakes I've made, and will continue to make, but eventually I DO get it right.  :-)

Hey!  Me too!  I have to rethink again...I thought qtpye was qtype.  

How funny.  I feel better knowing I am not the only one who can't read.

I am shocked to find "Zololoftbob" is a blob.  LOL.  

  • Love 5
Irate Panda

Irate Panda

On 5/10/2017 at 11:19 PM, walnutqueen said:

All this talk of mistaking Zoloftblob for ZoloftBob reminds me of all the misconceptions I've had about screen names, because I read fast, have bad eyesight, and my brain seems to grab the first thing that comes to mind (and yes, for the longest time I "saw" ZoloftBOB, too!).  Just a few examples:

AKraven - obviously AK raven, but I thought it was A. Kraven, as in a name.

qtpye - for some reason, my brain transposed it to q-type (makes no sense, I know!).

Andyourlittledog2 - I thought, cool - you guys have a little dog named Andy!

There are probably more embarrassing mistakes I've made, and will continue to make, but eventually I DO get it right.  :-)

I thought it said ZoloftBob too :) for a couple of weeks

  • Love 2
Shmoopaloop

Shmoopaloop

1 hour ago, Jaded said:

Can anyone who knows about diffusers for oils recommend one or two decent ones that are available through Amazon and not super expensive? 

I have this one and quite enjoy it. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07116NCYQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1509682508&sr=8-4&keywords=InnoGear&dpPl=1&dpID=41z4zhlpZ-L&ref=plSrch&th=1&psc=1

Only thing is, you have to make sure not to overfill past the line, or it won't diffuse. 

Mensch

Mensch

for oils on amazon the eden's garden brand is excellent! Many of the oils are exact replicas of the young living oils some are even better. They 100% pure oils and have been tested at labs with the results on edens gardens website. Also plant therapy is a good line also available on amazon. There is never any reason to purchase form an MLM with these amazing options at less than Half the cost. 

  • Love 2
Jaded

Jaded

On 11/3/2017 at 1:14 PM, Mensch said:

for oils on amazon the eden's garden brand is excellent! Many of the oils are exact replicas of the young living oils some are even better. They 100% pure oils and have been tested at labs with the results on edens gardens website. Also plant therapy is a good line also available on amazon. There is never any reason to purchase form an MLM with these amazing options at less than Half the cost. 

Thank you for the oil recommendation. I have a few YL roll ons and one that allows drops to come out that a family member gave me. The one with the drops is Peace and Calming which is also one of the roll ons.

On 11/2/2017 at 11:16 PM, Shmoopaloop said:

I have this one and quite enjoy it. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07116NCYQ/ref=mp_s_a_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1509682508&sr=8-4&keywords=InnoGear&dpPl=1&dpID=41z4zhlpZ-L&ref=plSrch&th=1&psc=1

Only thing is, you have to make sure not to overfill past the line, or it won't diffuse. 

Thanks!

gunderda

gunderda

(edited)
On 11/2/2017 at 9:56 PM, Jaded said:

Can anyone who knows about diffusers for oils recommend one or two decent ones that are available through Amazon and not super expensive? 

I started using rocky mountain oils - they have a chart on their website that will tell you which of their blends is the same as YL or Doterra.  Free shipping, they're cheaper than YL and I've done my research and people seem to feel they are the same quality or maybe better than YL.  The only thing is that they don't recommend ingesting their oils so it makes me curious as to why you can with YL but not with these but I probably with with their "thieves" version if I ever get a sore throat.  I also bought one of their diffusers, not super expensive and it runs for DAYS. 

https://www.rockymountainoils.com/   they're doing a lot of sales right now too with the holidays coming up. 

I have this diffuser, which I guess could be considered expensive - it says it can run 12 hour continuously but I think I get at least 1.5 days out of it.  Or it can run intermittently.  And YLs basic one is close to $100 I think.  I've bought a couple cheapy ones (like $20-25) and I didn't like them as much.  RMO also has cheaper ones. 

https://www.rockymountainoils.com/shoprmo/catalog/diffusers/cascade-diffuser.html

Edited by gunderda
  • Love 1
TwirlyGirly

TwirlyGirly

Um...I have frequently been blocked from moving down aisles, or through restaurants, etc., by small groups of able-bodied people who stop to chat with each other. Also in restaurants, patrons who have their chairs pushed so far back from the table the waitstaff has to turn sideways to pass by.

What to do in the case an able-bodied person or a person who uses a wheelchair is in your way? 

You politely say "Pardon me, I can't get through." 

You don't grab them from behind by their shoulders (if able-bodied) and forcibly move them, or grab the push handles on their wheelchair (if they're a wheelchair user) and forcibly push them out of your way.

IOW, if someone is blocking your path, whether they're able-bodied or a wheelchair user is irrelevant. Your reaction should be the same.

Now, wheelchairs do take up more space than a person standing. The ADA actually addresses this, and there are standards written into the ADA for aisle space, space between store displays, clothing racks, restaurant tables, etc.. But businesses rarely follow those guidelines, because doing so would mean less stock displayed, fewer tables in restaurants, etc.. That certainly isn't the fault of people with disabilities.

  • Love 13
TwirlyGirly

TwirlyGirly

(edited)

"The Mighty" is an excellent resource for learning more about people with disabilities (PWDs).

In addition to the article you cited, @AZChristian,  there are many more articles regarding the daily challenges faced by those who use wheelchairs on the site. To access them, type "wheelchair" into the search box, then check "content".

I identify with many of the stories posted, especially those dealing with the public perception of, and reactions to, PWDs.

For example, strangers who see me and say "Slow down! You're gonna get a speeding ticket!", "Wanna race?", or "Vroom vroom!"

These are things an adult might say to a three year old they see riding a tricycle on the sidewalk. You wouldn't make those types of comments to an adult passing you on a bicycle, so why would you think it's appropriate to make those comments to an adult who uses a wheelchair? Infantalizing, much?

I also deal with people coming up to tell me how "inspiring" I am, as in: "You're such an inspiration!"

What, exactly, does a complete stranger who knows nothing at all about me, or my life, find "inspiring"?

All they know is I have a disability and I'm alive. So this comment implies if they were in my position, they'd have offed themselves (and I'm an inspiration because I haven't).

If I'm out with someone who is able-bodied, many assume that person is my attendant or "carer", because a PWD couldn't possibly have anything in common with someone who is able-bodied. This is particularly insulting if the person I'm with is a man with whom I'm in a relationship. 

My daughter was born on my 38th birthday. Because of the age difference, people don't assume she's my "carer"; they assume we're "friends" (although I don't know anyone my age who has "friends" my daughter's age - you wouldn't have anything in common with that much of an age gap).

Yet, if I'm out by myself in a place I've previously visited with her, people ask "Where's your friend?" I respond "Oh, you mean my daughter?" To this, I've actually had people reply "No. That blonde girl you go shopping with". When I answer "Yes. That's my DAUGHTER" their mouths drop and they're stunned into silence because 1) PWDs either cannot or do not have sex ("Who would want them, anyway?"), and/or 2) PWDs can't get pregnant, give birth to, or raise, children.

Minds blown.

For everyone I know who has been disabled since birth*, dealing with the challenges presented by our disabilities is the easy part. It's dealing with the ignorance of the able-bodied public, their comments, and their misconceptions and stereotypes of PWDs that's frustrating, because there's no escaping it - unless we never leave our homes.

I've often said having a visible physical disability is like being a celebrity, except without the looks, the money, or any of the other perks. 

People point, stare, and take our pictures without our permission - then post them to social media, where they're mocked. Complete strangers ask us intrusive, highly personal questions, make inappropriate comments, or offer unneeded/unasked for, advice. 

People judge us, speculate about us, and perpetuate misconceptions about us. 

These intrusions into our privacy, personal space, and our right to anonymity in public spaces might be more palatable were we to be compensated for it in the same way celebrities are; the best table at restaurants, free designer clothes, comped airfare to, and hotels at, exotic locales, invites to posh Hollywood events, etc.. - but we're not. (Which is why I have little sympathy for celebrities who complain about the public's intrusion on their personal lives; they're getting something in return).

To make this relevant to LPBW, at least Amy, Matt, and Zach are being compensated for dealing with the public. But make no mistake about it; as little people, they would be dealing with the same stuff (on a smaller scale) even if they weren't on TV. That's the nature of having a visible physical difference. If, through their show, they're able to profit from the attention they'd get anyway, good for them.

*People who become disabled as a result of an accident or illness have a different mindset and challenges, because they have to adapt to life with a disability. Those of us who have been disabled since birth don't have to adapt to disability; it's all we know

Edited by TwirlyGirly
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funky-rat

funky-rat

(edited)
On 5/17/2019 at 10:13 PM, TwirlyGirly said:

Um...I have frequently been blocked from moving down aisles, or through restaurants, etc., by small groups of able-bodied people who stop to chat with each other. Also in restaurants, patrons who have their chairs pushed so far back from the table the waitstaff has to turn sideways to pass by.

What to do in the case an able-bodied person or a person who uses a wheelchair is in your way? 

You politely say "Pardon me, I can't get through." 

You don't grab them from behind by their shoulders (if able-bodied) and forcibly move them, or grab the push handles on their wheelchair (if they're a wheelchair user) and forcibly push them out of your way.

IOW, if someone is blocking your path, whether they're able-bodied or a wheelchair user is irrelevant. Your reaction should be the same.

Now, wheelchairs do take up more space than a person standing. The ADA actually addresses this, and there are standards written into the ADA for aisle space, space between store displays, clothing racks, restaurant tables, etc.. But businesses rarely follow those guidelines, because doing so would mean less stock displayed, fewer tables in restaurants, etc.. That certainly isn't the fault of people with disabilities.

I have a question about something that happened to us a few years back that left us mortified, and I'm hoping you can give some advice on what to do if it happens again.

There is a woman in our area who is in a motorized chair.  She has a health issue that is causing her to get worse over time (it's noticeable - I don't know what it is and don't need to know, but someone once told me that she started out able bodied and declined over time).  She has a chair with a headrest, and sometimes angles the chair so she's reclining somewhat.  I'm sure for her comfort - not judging.  She motors herself around using a joystick - no one pushes her.

We were at a restaurant once that has two places to pass that are very wide - I have seen lots of people do it.  We were seated down from them, in a narrower passage.  Next to us was a Mennonite family.  For reasons I don't understand to this day, they took a coat, placed it on the floor, and placed a sleeping toddler on top of it.....under the table.  He was partially sticking out.

At any rate, this woman and her party are done.  The rest of the party exits via the wide aisle, but she, for some reason, is trying to get herself down the narrow aisle.  Her husband re-routes and walks behind her.  She gets to my husband.  We are engrossed in conversation and he did not see her coming up.  She runs in to him and gives him stink eye.  He apologizes and scoots over.  She isn't satisfied.  He only gets out the words "I can't move over any farther because there is a small child...." and all heck breaks loose.  She and her husband are yelling at him at the top of their lungs about how he is unwilling to move out of the way of the "poor woman in a wheelchair".  Everyone stares and you could hear a pin drop.

The way she was positioned, he could not get up.  He couldn't scoot over for fear of hurting the child (his parents left him there while all of this was going on) and he couldn't do much else without her backing up, and she wasn't going to budge.  I told him to be quiet, and I said "There is a small child on the floor next to him.  He can't move any further to the left because he will hurt the child.  He can't move to the right because you're blocking him.  I will move back and move the table so he can move forward to let you through, but please be conscious of the small child sleeping on the floor."  And that's what we did.  Both of them continued to yell on their way out, about what horrible people we were.

We are not horrible people.  I was in a chair for 4 months after an accident rendered me unable to walk at all.  I had the chair for a few more months after that, but wasn't strictly in it all the time, and I was able to get out a few months before I completed rehab on my leg.  Because of that, both of us try very hard to make sure we don't cut people off, leave them room, offer to help them in the restroom if they need it, hold doors, help them get in and out of cars, etc.  The way we were positioned, we did not see her come up behind him.  But he was in a bad spot, and I don't understand why she would go down a long aisle with booths on one side and tables on another, when there was a wide aisle with booths on one side and nothing on the other, which was also a shorter path to the door.  The restaurant manager apologized to us and said "She's been in here before" and then trailed off.

While I also really wanted to give "what for" to the Mennonite people who inexplicably put a sleeping kid on the floor for people to step on, and the restaurant for not saying to the Mennonites "You can't do that - it's a hazard", that never happened.  I still see her and her husband out and about, and I steer far clear.  I was just looking for your thoughts.  I've never felt comfortable asking someone in a chair for fear they'd think I was a jerk, or patronizing.

Edited by funky-rat
Continuity matters.
  • Useful 2
Joan of Argh

Joan of Argh

4 hours ago, funky-rat said:

I have a question about something that happened to us a few years back that left us mortified, and I'm hoping you can give some advice on what to do if it happens again.

There is a woman in our area who is in a motorized chair.  She has a health issue that is causing her to get worse over time (it's noticeable - I don't know what it is and don't need to know, but someone once told me that she started out able bodied and declined over time).  She has a chair with a headrest, and sometimes angles the chair so she's reclining somewhat.  I'm sure for her comfort - not judging.  She motors herself around using a joystick - no one pushes her.

We were at a restaurant once that has two places to pass that are very wide - I have seen lots of people do it.  We were seated down from them, in a narrower passage.  Next to us was a Mennonite family.  For reasons I don't understand to this day, they took a coat, placed it on the floor, and placed a sleeping toddler on top of it.....under the table.  He was partially sticking out.

At any rate, this woman and her party are done.  The rest of the party exits via the wide aisle, but she, for some reason, is trying to get herself down the narrow aisle.  Her husband re-routes and walks behind her.  She gets to my husband.  We are engrossed in conversation and he did not see her coming up.  She runs in to him and gives him stink eye.  He apologizes and scoots over.  She isn't satisfied.  He only gets out the words "I can't move over any farther because there is a small child...." and all heck breaks loose.  She and her husband are yelling at him at the top of their lungs about how he is unwilling to move out of the way of the "poor woman in a wheelchair".  Everyone stares and you could hear a pin drop.

The way she was positioned, he could not get up.  He couldn't scoot over for fear of hurting the child (his parents left him there while all of this was going on) and he couldn't do much else without her backing up, and she wasn't going to budge.  I told him to be quiet, and I said "There is a small child on the floor next to him.  He can't move any further to the left because he will hurt the child.  He can't move to the right because you're blocking him.  I will move back and move the table so he can move forward to let you through, but please be conscious of the small child sleeping on the floor."  And that's what we did.  Both of them continued to yell on their way out, about what horrible people we were.

We are not horrible people.  I was in a chair for 4 months after an accident rendered me unable to walk at all.  I had the chair for a few more months after that, but wasn't strictly in it all the time, and I was able to get out a few months before I completed rehab on my leg.  Because of that, both of us try very hard to make sure we don't cut people off, leave them room, offer to help them in the restroom if they need it, hold doors, help them get in and out of cars, etc.  The way we were positioned, we did not see her come up behind him.  But he was in a bad spot, and I don't understand why she would go down a long aisle with booths on one side and tables on another, when there was a wide aisle with booths on one side and nothing on the other, which was also a shorter path to the door.  The restaurant manager apologized to us and said "She's been in here before" and then trailed off.

While I also really wanted to give "what for" to the Mennonite people who inexplicably put a sleeping kid on the floor for people to step on, and the restaurant for not saying to the Mennonites "You can't do that - it's a hazard", that never happened.  I still see her and her husband out and about, and I steer far clear.  I was just looking for your thoughts.  I've never felt comfortable asking someone in a chair for fear they'd think I was a jerk, or patronizing.

Some people are jerks.... Just because someone is in a wheel chair doesn't mean they aren't capable of being a jerk just like anyone else.

It wasn't your fault there was a sleeping child and you tried to explain the situation... sounds like they were being jerks.

  • Love 3
TwirlyGirly

TwirlyGirly

(edited)
6 hours ago, funky-rat said:

I have a question about something that happened to us a few years back that left us mortified, and I'm hoping you can give some advice on what to do if it happens again.

There is a woman in our area who is in a motorized chair.  She has a health issue that is causing her to get worse over time (it's noticeable - I don't know what it is and don't need to know, but someone once told me that she started out able bodied and declined over time).  She has a chair with a headrest, and sometimes angles the chair so she's reclining somewhat.  I'm sure for her comfort - not judging.  She motors herself around using a joystick - no one pushes her.

We were at a restaurant once that has two places to pass that are very wide - I have seen lots of people do it.  We were seated down from them, in a narrower passage.  Next to us was a Mennonite family.  For reasons I don't understand to this day, they took a coat, placed it on the floor, and placed a sleeping toddler on top of it.....under the table.  He was partially sticking out.

At any rate, this woman and her party are done.  The rest of the party exits via the wide aisle, but she, for some reason, is trying to get herself down the narrow aisle.  Her husband re-routes and walks behind her.  She gets to my husband.  We are engrossed in conversation and he did not see her coming up.  She runs in to him and gives him stink eye.  He apologizes and scoots over.  She isn't satisfied.  He only gets out the words "I can't move over any farther because there is a small child...." and all heck breaks loose.  She and her husband are yelling at him at the top of their lungs about how he is unwilling to move out of the way of the "poor woman in a wheelchair".  Everyone stares and you could hear a pin drop.

The way she was positioned, he could not get up.  He couldn't scoot over for fear of hurting the child (his parents left him there while all of this was going on) and he couldn't do much else without her backing up, and she wasn't going to budge.  I told him to be quiet, and I said "There is a small child on the floor next to him.  He can't move any further to the left because he will hurt the child.  He can't move to the right because you're blocking him.  I will move back and move the table so he can move forward to let you through, but please be conscious of the small child sleeping on the floor."  And that's what we did.  Both of them continued to yell on their way out, about what horrible people we were.

We are not horrible people.  I was in a chair for 4 months after an accident rendered me unable to walk at all.  I had the chair for a few more months after that, but wasn't strictly in it all the time, and I was able to get out a few months before I completed rehab on my leg.  Because of that, both of us try very hard to make sure we don't cut people off, leave them room, offer to help them in the restroom if they need it, hold doors, help them get in and out of cars, etc.  The way we were positioned, we did not see her come up behind him.  But he was in a bad spot, and I don't understand why she would go down a long aisle with booths on one side and tables on another, when there was a wide aisle with booths on one side and nothing on the other, which was also a shorter path to the door.  The restaurant manager apologized to us and said "She's been in here before" and then trailed off.

While I also really wanted to give "what for" to the Mennonite people who inexplicably put a sleeping kid on the floor for people to step on, and the restaurant for not saying to the Mennonites "You can't do that - it's a hazard", that never happened.  I still see her and her husband out and about, and I steer far clear.  I was just looking for your thoughts.  I've never felt comfortable asking someone in a chair for fear they'd think I was a jerk, or patronizing.

No...I don't think you're a jerk, or patronizing! 

A couple things come to mind:

First, if I was in a restaurant and saw a family put a small child on the floor, I would have gotten up, said I was going to the restroom (😉), gone to the front of the restaurant, and asked to speak to the manager. I would have told the manager about the child left on the floor to sleep, and pointed out it was a liability issue for the restaurant. If someone stepped on the child and caused an injury, or tripped over the child and fell and was injured, the restaurant would be sued. The manager would have taken care of it.

Second, the issue with the woman was probably several things! As for why she chose the narrower aisle, it *may* have partially been due to the fact most power chairs have a wide turning radius, so perhaps it was easier to head down that aisle, if going down the wider aisle would require her to turn her chair (I'm guessing here, because I don't know the layout).

Another point is that in my experience, people who become disabled as a result of accident or illness, are more likely to have anger issues than someone who is born with a disability. They've lost something, and their lives have turned upside down. In addition to having to learn to accept a loss of function, they are also dealing with the realization they now have to live in an environment that caters to people who are able bodied. Places they'd gone to before, and things they'd done before, they will never go to or do ever again. (Despite the ADA, most public spaces are NOT in compliance - except in CA).*

Those who have progressive disabilities (as this woman apparently has), have it worst of all, because as soon as they get close to adjusting to the way things are now, they get worse. (Contrast that to someone who becomes a paraplegic, for example. That's a fairly static disability. Once a paraplegic adapts to and is able to accept their loss of function, there isn't a lot of change). 

A fourth thing to keep in mind is that disability can strike anyone, anytime. Meaning, people with disabilities represent a cross section of humanity - angels and assholes alike! So there are nice people with disabilities, and not-so-nice people with disabilities. And nice people with disabilities who have a bad day now and again (just like able-bodied people do). 

Other than speaking privately to the manager about the kid under the table (who puts a kid UNDER A TABLE?), I think you did the very best you could under the circumstances. 

*Edited to add:

In my experience, most able bodied folks couldn't care less about accessibility for people with disabilities - unless and until they become disabled themselves. Then it becomes an issue. Store owners won't spend $ to have a ramp installed so a customer who uses a wheelchair can get up the ONE step into their store, their restaurant, their nail salon, etc.. Until they, a family member, or close friend becomes disabled, THEN they do something.

Edited by TwirlyGirly
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funky-rat

funky-rat

14 hours ago, TwirlyGirly said:

No...I don't think you're a jerk, or patronizing! 

A couple things come to mind:

First, if I was in a restaurant and saw a family put a small child on the floor, I would have gotten up, said I was going to the restroom (😉), gone to the front of the restaurant, and asked to speak to the manager. I would have told the manager about the child left on the floor to sleep, and pointed out it was a liability issue for the restaurant. If someone stepped on the child and caused an injury, or tripped over the child and fell and was injured, the restaurant would be sued. The manager would have taken care of it.

Second, the issue with the woman was probably several things! As for why she chose the narrower aisle, it *may* have partially been due to the fact most power chairs have a wide turning radius, so perhaps it was easier to head down that aisle, if going down the wider aisle would require her to turn her chair (I'm guessing here, because I don't know the layout).

Another point is that in my experience, people who become disabled as a result of accident or illness, are more likely to have anger issues than someone who is born with a disability. They've lost something, and their lives have turned upside down. In addition to having to learn to accept a loss of function, they are also dealing with the realization they now have to live in an environment that caters to people who are able bodied. Places they'd gone to before, and things they'd done before, they will never go to or do ever again. (Despite the ADA, most public spaces are NOT in compliance - except in CA).*

Those who have progressive disabilities (as this woman apparently has), have it worst of all, because as soon as they get close to adjusting to the way things are now, they get worse. (Contrast that to someone who becomes a paraplegic, for example. That's a fairly static disability. Once a paraplegic adapts to and is able to accept their loss of function, there isn't a lot of change). 

A fourth thing to keep in mind is that disability can strike anyone, anytime. Meaning, people with disabilities represent a cross section of humanity - angels and assholes alike! So there are nice people with disabilities, and not-so-nice people with disabilities. And nice people with disabilities who have a bad day now and again (just like able-bodied people do). 

Other than speaking privately to the manager about the kid under the table (who puts a kid UNDER A TABLE?), I think you did the very best you could under the circumstances. 

*Edited to add:

In my experience, most able bodied folks couldn't care less about accessibility for people with disabilities - unless and until they become disabled themselves. Then it becomes an issue. Store owners won't spend $ to have a ramp installed so a customer who uses a wheelchair can get up the ONE step into their store, their restaurant, their nail salon, etc.. Until they, a family member, or close friend becomes disabled, THEN they do something.

Thank you.  And I agree - until I was in a chair, I never thought much about it.  It's not that I didn't care, I just didn't understand all of the logistics.  The way the woman was seated, she wouldn't have had an issue getting down the wider aisle - I know you don't have the knowledge of the layout.  She was seated at the end of the table, and would have had to turn to go down either way - there was nothing behind her - the restaurant did a good job of seating her.  She was near the bathroom, and had a lot of room to move around, and wasn't in any type of position for someone to bump in to her, etc.

I wanted to say something about the kid (that still baffles me, and it's something I haven't seen before or since), but they had a good sized group there, and I didn't want to tick them off.  I guess I'm just too nice at times, and I hesitate to say things because I don't want to offend anyone.

I'm thinking you're probably right about the woman just having a huge chip on her shoulder, and the husband playing along.  I'm 100% for educating people in a productive manner (because most just can't comprehend until they're in the situation themselves) but to try to shame people is something I'll never understand.

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ginger90

ginger90

@Joan of Argh

 

Something I found on the GE site:

 

Notice in Induction Cooktop Use and Care Manual:"CAUTION: Persons with a pacemaker or similar medical device should exercise caution when using or standing near an induction unit, while it is in operation. The electromagnetic field may affect the working of the pacemaker or similar medical device. It is advisable to consult your doctor or the pacemaker manufacturer about your particular situation."

We recommends that induction cooktop users with pacemakers should consult their doctors or pacemaker manufacturer regarding EMF levels and use of EMF producing equipment.

 

Here’s a pros and cons article:

 

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/appliances/electric-range-reviews/a28435170/induction-stove-cooktop-pros-cons/

 

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Joan of Argh

Joan of Argh

7 hours ago, ginger90 said:

@Joan of Argh

 

Something I found on the GE site:

 

Notice in Induction Cooktop Use and Care Manual:"CAUTION: Persons with a pacemaker or similar medical device should exercise caution when using or standing near an induction unit, while it is in operation. The electromagnetic field may affect the working of the pacemaker or similar medical device. It is advisable to consult your doctor or the pacemaker manufacturer about your particular situation."

We recommends that induction cooktop users with pacemakers should consult their doctors or pacemaker manufacturer regarding EMF levels and use of EMF producing equipment.

 

Here’s a pros and cons article:

 

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/appliances/electric-range-reviews/a28435170/induction-stove-cooktop-pros-cons/

 

Thanks Ginger, that's interesting...I've been doing a lot of reading and Googling but I hadn't seen anything about pacemakers and induction cooktops.

Neither of us have pacemakers but we do have an elderly relative who has one so I'll keep that in mind.

Thanks 👍

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RedDelicious

RedDelicious

@Joan of Argh

IMO, the best route is to keep it simple.  I really like a gas range because I have instant control of the heat.  I have a dual fuel oven/range, gas on top, electric for the oven because it bakes more evenly.  With an induction range you are limited to the type of cookware you can use.  An old manager of mine, her husband went out and bought and induction range and she had to get all new cookware!

I don't love the idea of an air fryer option for the oven.  Air fryers as a stand alone appliance are so common now that you can get a decent sized one to see if you like it.  I like the way things come out of the oven better than they way they come out of my air fryer so I tend to use the oven more.

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AZChristian

AZChristian

1 hour ago, ginger90 said:

I always think, more bells and whistles leads to more things that can go wrong. Appliances, vehicles, life......

 

Negative Nellie I suppose.

We just finished our "annual review" at home.  We look at everything we own.  If we can't wear it (stuff shrinks like crazy around here /-) ), or we don't want to keep it, or if it's an appliance that we don't use, it goes away.  We offer stuff to our kids first, and anything they don't want goes to Goodwill.

You're not negative . . . you're smart.  We had to clean out my late brother's small apartment when he died last year.  Why on earth a man who doesn't cook needs 10 cookie sheets and a large stack of cupcake tins is beyond me.  With 72 hours of his death, someone else had access to them at Goodwill.  No one will ever be angry with me because of an accumulation of useless stuff.

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Shieldmaiden

Shieldmaiden

2 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

I get irrationally angry at Amy 😡 every time she shills her fudge because I would never buy it, but it makes me think about eating fudge that’s actually good 🤗 ,and then I get angry because I don’t have any fudge that I would actually buy ☹️

Very on brand of you to be living up to your user name, Irate Panda 🐼 😂 

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PrincessPurrsALot

PrincessPurrsALot

7 hours ago, LilyD said:

I looked some things up and Amy and Matt have different forms of dwarfism. Matt's condition is autosomal recessive. This means that he'd have to have a partner with the exact same genetic fault to have a 25% chance for a child with this specific disorder, making it pretty unlikey for one of his children to have this.

Amy and Zach have Achondroplasia which is autosmal dominant. That means that they will always have a 50% chance for a child with Achondroplasia. Even with a healthy partner. A lot of these kids develop all kinds of medical issues and some are more easily treated than others. Some kids have little or no issues at all (like Amy).

To bring this back to Zach and Tori: I'm sure they knew they had a huge chance to have a child with Achondroplasia. They were obviously willing to take the risk. The Roloffs have shown us all that length is no issue for big dreams to come true. So, I don't think dwarfism in itself was a huge issue to them. Did they factor in all the medical issues? I don't know. Maybe they were hoping, against better odds, that a grand child would take after its grandmother.  Amy has always stayed fairly healthy after all. I'm just wondering about baby 3 if you already have two special needs kids...

I'm not sure what I would have done in such a specific situation. Possibly have a talk with a doctor who is an authority on genetics and then take it from there. A (small) physical disability would probably not have stopped me from having a child but I am not sure what I would have done if a condition came with lots of pain and ongoing hospital visits and painful treatments...

Quoting this in Small Talk to continue the general discussion.  I have a disability.  I made a decision early on to not have children and always informed partners of that choice.  In my youth, issues with the disability were fairly minor.  However, I did a lot of research, joined disability groups related to my condition, and spoke with doctors about the long term impacts.  Weighing those factors I decided to not risk passing it on.  I am one of four siblings; three of us have this disability at varying levels (it's a "syndrome" so we don't all share the same specific issues).  The other consideration for me was I was told I was likely to die in my early 40s.  My father passed away at 45.  I did not want a child to have a high risk of losing a parent early in life. 

I absolutely see the choice to have or not have children as each individual's right.  I made a very different decision than the Roloffs.  As I age, while it would be nice to have more family, I am glad that I made the choice I did.  I set a goal of keeping the number of surgical procedures I had under my age.  I have exceeded that.  While I manage things well, I would not have wanted to pass this on.  And yes, I am thinking about this because I had back surgery two weeks ago and am currently wearing an extra sexy TLSO back brace.  Sing it with me: "My back brace brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right.  It's better than yours!"  Okay, it does give me quite the hourglass figure. 😁 

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EllaWycliffe

EllaWycliffe

1 minute ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

And yes, I am thinking about this because I had back surgery two weeks ago and am currently wearing an extra sexy TLSO back brace.  Sing it with me: "My back brace brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right.  It's better than yours!"  Okay, it does give me quite the hourglass figure.

I laughed, I admit. I will share with my sister who did have back surgery as well. She also has a disability that can be passed down and did choose to have children, one of whom is fine (if clearly having inherited the family's tendency to be cheerfully rotound) and one that died almost immediately after birth at five months from a completely unrelated extremely rare birth defect that has no relation to my sister's disability. 

I totally feel its the individual's choice - I was against my sister having a second child because I knew she couldn't afford it for her own health's sake and she was wanting a baby to "save the marriage", but the potential for disability? That was her decision. She rolled the dice and came up lucky with the first and not so lucky with the second. 

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LilyD

LilyD

I absolutely agree with what was said above. Me sharing my thoughts on the whole “having more children when you know there is a risk for a genetic disorder” was mainly to point out that it isn’t as simple as some want us to believe. It is so easy to say what you would do, or not do for that matter, when you are not actually in a similar situation. 
 

And when it comes to Tori and Zach, they know way better than any of us what it would mean for their children to inherit achondroplasia, so I am assuming that they really talked things through before taking a decision to have any.  
 

I closed my original post with a remark saying that “I wasn’t sure about their decision to have a third when you have two special needs kids” And that decision is theirs, and theirs only. But I have a friend with two special needs kids (one is seriously disabled and faces regular hospital admissions) and my friend literally needs te dedicate every single available minute to the care of her kids. Which let me to ponder on their decision for baby no 3, where do you find time to give every child the attention it needs?  Hope that clarifies things here😉

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EllaWycliffe

EllaWycliffe

5 hours ago, LilyD said:

I closed my original post with a remark saying that “I wasn’t sure about their decision to have a third when you have two special needs kids” And that decision is theirs, and theirs only. But I have a friend with two special needs kids (one is seriously disabled and faces regular hospital admissions) and my friend literally needs te dedicate every single available minute to the care of her kids. Which let me to ponder on their decision for baby no 3, where do you find time to give every child the attention it needs?

Oh its hard. I recently - well about two years ago now - lost a friend over my stating he should get a vasectomy. Why did I push myself in his business? Because he was asking his facebook friends for money for what honestly had to be a near constant plea, because something had gone wrong in his house hold of five children with two mothers AGAIN. Four of the five kids have autism, one with profound mental disabilities as well, the man of the house is on disability with no likelyhood of getting off (autism, crohn's disease in a severe form, some mental illness as well)  he can't get custody of three of the kids because the mom is against it because of his mental health issues, and he was actively wondering if it was time for a new baby... all while he's also asking for money so he won't be turned out of his apartment. I pointed out that maybe more kids was a bad idea considering his own health issues, the custody issues, and the fact that he was periodically homeless. Yeah, I got told it was his right to have children and I was a monster for suggesting he be restricted. My comment back? "Please don't bring a child into the world simply to spite me, I was thinking of the fact that you were complaining you were unable to afford taking your cat to the vet or able to pay your rent last month." We havent spoken since and hopefully he's not had a child. I know his five kids are in a world of hurt no matter how much he loves them dearly - and he does - simply because everyone involved is broke. I think the autism diagnosis in two of the kids is exaggerated but the other two? They have it and one is non verbal, not toilet trained and violent in outbursts to where the half siblings aren't allowed to be alone with him. These are people who don't need more children. And yet, all I can do is suggest a vasectomy. 

Tory and Zach in contrast have few impediments. Odds are they will have a healthy child. If watching all these dwarf shows has taught me anything, its that dwarfism isn't a debilitating nightmare issue. 

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PrincessPurrsALot

PrincessPurrsALot

There is an excellent TEDMED talk on this topic by Andrew Solomon who was doing research on parents of children with disabilities.  He talks about those parents' experiences and also his concerns when he was having a child and learned the child might have a disability.  His self-reflection is very open and honest on such a difficult subject.  If you're highly interested in the topic and have 18 minutes to spare, I think it's worth a listen. 

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Irate Panda

Irate Panda

6 hours ago, Grrarrggh said:

Top Gun: Maverick was an insanely good film, I totally recommend it. That theatre doesn't look half as comfortable as the one I saw it in

I really liked the Top Gun:Maverick movie.  I never saw the original, but plan on watching it, but think the sequel was really good even as a stand alone.  Our theater has cushy recliners too!

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Irate Panda

Irate Panda

I have successfully grown 1 tomato plant. It has produced 2 whole cherry tomatoes! That means I now live on a farm!  Feel free to start calling me Farmer Panda!  PM me if you have a free tractor I can have.  I’d appreciate it if you threw in some Christmas lights for it too.  

P.S. Carhartt, I’m available for sponsorship.  #FarmerPanda #LovesCreeksHatesDrainageDitches #AsksDoctorsNotInstagram4MedicalAdvice #OhBrothers #FreeMurphy 

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PrincessPurrsALot

PrincessPurrsALot

Noom bills itself as a behavioral modification program because diet doesn't sell as well since the are trying to attract people who have tried other diets and failed. Ultimately it is still a 1200 calories per day for women/1400 calories per day for men diet.  The rest is pop psychology, much of which does not hold up under scientific review.  Noom has an issue of encouraging disordered behaviors while again claiming they are helping people - weighing every day; analyzing all food choices at all times; keeping really close track of everything you eat; etc. which can create an unhealthy obsession with food and body image.

Some of their behavioral changes can be isolating.  They also make assumptions that people have families they cook for, etc., while disregarding issues related to disability. Their assumptions can exacerbate depression among people without the family structure that is assumed. They also encourage bringing others into the cult, er, plan supposedly for your personal accountability. 

The unfortunate thing of the program is after they instill the negative behaviors, then they explain why some of these are negative behaviors. Because of that, there is a growing number of people who have developed disordered eating from this plan.  There are, of course, people who have been highly successful as there are on any diet.  One tell tale issue here, and with other such diets, is when people finish the program they are encouraged to sign up again being told that they will lose even more weight. 

Additionally, since the program has not existed long term their statistics for overall success are specious at best.  Yes, I know people who have done noom.  Yes, I did noom, mainly because I was concerned about what I saw happening to some folks on it. And yes, I know people who are now on round 2 or 3 because the weight came back and they blame themselves instead of thinking about the impact of eating 1200 calories per day on their metabolism, something noom owns up to much too late in the program to allow people to adjust early on. 

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