Say What?: Commercials That Made Us Scratch Our Heads

[Ubiquitous]

Gross profits or net profits? There is a difference.

 

 

Does anyone else remember Father Guido Sarducci showing off the relic "receipt from the Last Brunch" where 12 guys ordered Eggs Benedict and one guy only got coffee & a Danish and they divided the bill by 13, so that the Danish eater had to pay more than what his brunch had cost?

The way I remember it, Judas ordered the most expensive thing on the menu so everyone else paid for his supper.

[Prevailing Wind]

Maybe Fr. Sarducci had two different receipts, because I clearly remember the coffee/Danish thing from The Last Brunch.  LOL.

[riley702]

Gross profits or net profits? There is a difference.

The article said gross. I can't find that article again today, but this one has many of the same numbers.

"Last year (2011 - this article is from 2012), Papa John’s International captured $1.218 billion in revenue. Total operating expenses were $1.131 billion."

http://www.forbes.com/sites/calebmelby/2012/11/12/breaking-down-centi-millionaire-papa-john-schnatters-obamacare-math/

Edited April 24, 2015 by riley702

[bilgistic]

Gross profits or net profits? There is a difference.

Papa John's net income was $69.537 million for 2013, with 20,700 employees. Comparably, Domino's Pizza had $142.99M with 220,000 employees. (Pizza Hut is owned by Yum! Brands.) If my math is correct, that works out to over five times the amount of money per employee that Papa John's brings in versus Domino's. Does that make sense? In other words, PJ could afford to pay employees more (or provide healthcare) because it makes more, not that anyone in the pizza-delivery business is getting rich or expecting healthcare in America on a part-time salary.

[LoneHaranguer]

 

In other words, PJ could afford to pay employees more (or provide healthcare) because it makes more, not that anyone in the pizza-delivery business is getting rich or expecting healthcare in America on a part-time salary.

Did you look at the total revenue? PJ's profit margin was about 4.8%; they were only making 48 cents on a $10 pizza. The health insurance issue is moot at this point because of Obamacare, which made everybody, including PJ's, offer it so everybody could raise their prices without losing customers to someone else.

[bilgistic]

I think it's $0.48 per $1.00 of product that Papa John's is making. Revenue was $1.439M. The Shark Tank would KILL John Schwhatever over a $0.048/$1.00 margin.

[90PercentGravity]

How does Heinz do this commercial and not have the other mustard speaking with a French accent?

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0gIq9fDSEI

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Because the Grey Poupon people would sue?

[ABay]

But it could just be dijon and not specifically Grey Poupon.

[Prevailing Wind]

Doesn't have to be Dijon mustard to have a French accent - it could very easily be French's yellow mustard, which I think is really the target here, 'cause there's no way ANY yellow mustard has 'better taste' than Dijon.

[ABay]

Yeah. My point was that if the company wanted to avoid the threat of a lawsuit, as suggested by Cobalt Stargazer, they could claim the French-accented mustard was generic dijon.

[bilgistic]

That was kind of funny. My takeaways: when the mustard squirted, it surprised me, and then I immediately thought "ejaculation". Do other people not immediately think this? (Note: I've not had sex in a really long time, so that may influence my views.) Also, the ketchup ate a hotdog that had ketchup on it (I presume; I couldn't see that closely). Does that make him a cannibal or the equivalent of a booger-eater?

[BW Manilowe]

That was kind of funny. My takeaways: when the mustard squirted, it surprised me, and then I immediately thought "ejaculation". Do other people not immediately think this? (Note: I've not had sex in a really long time, so that may influence my views.) Also, the ketchup ate a hotdog that had ketchup on it (I presume; I couldn't see that closely). Does that make him a cannibal or the equivalent of a booger-eater?

Regarding the bolded, the same could probably be asked about the Lays (I think) Potato Chips ad where a talking potato comes home to find his wife eating the chips, & then joins her in it at the end, I think with them promising not to tell anybody else (any of their potato friends) what they're now doing behind closed doors.

[paramitch]

I have a few new commercial peeves and had to share:

 

1. The Burger King "Chicken Fries" commercials... I just... What?

 

So in the whole series of these, the chickens are looking on their phones at a dating app for someone to date. They make snarky comments about the chickens that appear then go crazy for a picture of regular Burger King fries. (Or in another case, a teenaged "daughter" chicken runs off with the "fries" which are sitting on a motorbike while Dad squawks in disapproval.) But in every case, the chicken is somehow romancing the fries. Which, okay?

 

Then the final image of "Chicken Fries" appears and the voiceover is that people can't get enough chicken fries or something.

 

I just don't get it. Is the implication that the chickens and fries had babies and these are the chicken fries? Or, for a darker interpretation, were the chickens baited by the fries then captured and served by Burger King? What's supposed to be the story here? So weird!

 

2. Meanwhile: I can't express how much I hate, hate, hate the Mindy Kaling Nationwide commercial, and I'm kind of angry at Mindy for doing it.

 

Again, it's awkwardly presented and the scenario (as with the awkward Nationwide kids commercial) is never explained. In every case, Nationwide isn't actually explaining/illustrating a clear premise. (The "kids" commercial doesn't work because kids are not invisible and there's this underlying kind of infantilization, like it actually makes the customers seem hapless and helpless, until rescued by Nationwide...)

 

Then: "Mindy always felt invisible." Why? It's said like it's a fact. Is it the Hollywood thing again, the unspoken implication that she's not pretty enough (I find her adorable, but I know this has been a much-discussed topic by Kaling herself)? That she's a minority woman? It's just kind of yucky to me, as is the final comment of  "There are worse things than an attractive woman touching your body." As other posters have noted, flip that and it's disturbing as hell.

 

Mindy is so likable that she actually makes it funnier than it should be, but the commercial is just terrible. The use of a celebrity actress just makes the assumption, from the get-go, that "Poor Mindy always felt invisible" -- well, no actually, she isn't, she has her own show -- just seems so forced to me..

 

3. Last but not least, I don't get the 'scandalousness' of Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head eating Lay's potato chips.

 

BW Manilowe, these don't work for me because they aren't actually potatoes. They are toys made of plastic. If they eat potato chips, in other words, they aren't cannibals. (I think way too much about this stuff. I have issues.)

 

Lowe's has a stupid commercial about updating the look of your living room inspiring you  to invent new words  ...like fist-i-cated.  Which made me think of something entirely different.

 

And it's not even a "new word!" The commercial is a cheat anyway, because the first woman says, "It's so--" then the other woman finishes with "--phisticated," so nobody invented a new word here at all (even a stupid potentially X-rated one). 

 

I love the Four Tops' "Reach Out I'll be There," but I'm pretty sure the majority of people watching TV nowadays don't know it.  Why was it used in this annoying commercial that's been shown for two years now?  I'm thrilled Daryl has something artistic to do when he's not killing zombies, but why does Delta think WE need to be able to do this?

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjFj1df5VNc

 

I do agree that the melody wasn't immediately apparent to me at first -- in fact, I'd swear they remixed the sound and rereleased the commercial after its first run in order to make the melody more recognizable -- but I kind of like it. It's beautifully filmed, what he does is neat, and the guy is kind of geeky and intense and hot in  a nice "regular person" kind of way.

 

He's also the spitting image of a cellist I knew in college, on whom I had a deep and abiding crush. Good times.

Edited April 27, 2015 by paramitch

[BW Manilowe]

I have a few new commercial peeves and had to share:

1. The Burger King "Chicken Fries" commercials... I just... What?

So in the whole series of these, the chickens are looking on their phones at a dating app for someone to date. They make snarky comments about the chickens that appear then go crazy for a picture of regular Burger King fries. (Or in another case, a teenaged "daughter" chicken runs off with the "fries" which are sitting on a motorbike while Dad squawks in disapproval.) But in every case, the chicken is somehow romancing the fries. Which, okay?

Then the final image of "Chicken Fries" appears and the voiceover is that people can't get enough chicken fries or something.

I just don't get it. Is the implication that the chickens and fries had babies and these are the chicken fries? Or, for a darker interpretation, were the chickens baited by the fries then captured and served by Burger King? What's supposed to be the story here? So weird!

2. Meanwhile: I can't express how much I hate, hate, hate the Mindy Kaling Nationwide commercial, and I'm kind of angry at Mindy for doing it.

Again, it's awkwardly presented and the scenario (as with the awkward Nationwide kids commercial) is never explained. In every case, Nationwide isn't actually explaining/illustrating a clear premise. (The "kids" commercial doesn't work because kids are not invisible and there's this underlying kind of infantilization, like it actually makes the customers seem hapless and helpless, until rescued by Nationwide...)

Then: "Mindy always felt invisible." Why? It's said like it's a fact. Is it the Hollywood thing again, the unspoken implication that she's not pretty enough (I find her adorable, but I know this has been a much-discussed topic by Kaling herself)? That she's a minority woman? It's just kind of yucky to me, as is the final comment of "There are worse things than an attractive woman touching your body." As other posters have noted, flip that and it's disturbing as hell.

Mindy is so likable that she actually makes it funnier than it should be, but the commercial is just terrible. The use of a celebrity actress just makes the assumption, from the get-go, that "Poor Mindy always felt invisible" -- well, no actually, she isn't, she has her own show -- just seems so forced to me..

3. Last but not least, I don't get the 'scandalousness' of Mr. or Mrs. Potato Head eating Lay's potato chips.

BW Manilowe, these don't work for me because they aren't actually potatoes. They are toys made of plastic. If they eat potato chips, in other words, they aren't cannibals. (I think way too much about this stuff. I have issues.)

And it's not even a "new word!" The commercial is a cheat anyway, because the first woman says, "It's so--" then the other woman finishes with "--phisticated," so nobody invented a new word here at all (even a stupid potentially X-rated one).

I do agree that the melody wasn't immediately apparent to me at first -- in fact, I'd swear they remixed the sound and rereleased the commercial after its first run in order to make the melody more recognizable -- but I kind of like it. It's beautifully filmed, what he does is neat, and the guy is kind of geeky and intense and hot in a nice "regular person" kind of way.

He's also the spitting image of a cellist I knew in college, on whom I had a deep and abiding crush. Good times.

I couldn't remember if the Lay's ads used real potatoes or Mr./Mrs. Potato Head (like) figures. When I posted, I started to call them Mr./Mrs. Potato Head figures--then I thought that was wrong & went with real potatoes.

As for the BK Chicken Fries Ad(s), yes, the implication is the chickens & the French Fries "got together", if you will, & BK Chicken Fries are the result. Somehow I didn't know there were multiple ads in that series. I keep seeing the 1 where, I think, the "birth" of the Chicken Fries is announced; that's the only 1 I've seen.

[Jamoche]

Ah, daytime TV... 

 

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/78Vv/genie-hourglass-cinch-your-waist

 

The "genie hourglass waist trainer". Admit it, ad guys, it's a corset. Not a girdle, like the other things ads call "body shapers", but a modern version of a Victorian corset that gives you the same freaky shape as a Victorian lady. The only women who look remotely normal with that thing on are the ones in loose-fitting shirts.

[Tunia]

^^^Is that the "thingie" that Kim  and Khloe Kartrashian use to do their waist training?  (And, yes, I'm embarrassed to admit that I sometimes read about them!)

[bilgistic]

OK, Genie, what am I supposed to do about the fat below my waist that's going to be squished out from under your torture device?

[Prevailing Wind]

Pretend it's "Birthin' Babies Hips"

[Bastet]

The “after” pictures (the ones in clothing) in that commercial are downright frightening.  If they're real (as opposed to the "before" pictures involving padding, deliberately loosened versions of the clothing, careful camera angles, etc.), I cannot imagine how tight they had to cinch those things to get the shot … and how long it took to revive the women after they passed out.

Edited April 28, 2015 by Bastet

[Rick Kitchen]

 

1. The Burger King "Chicken Fries" commercials... I just... What?

So in the whole series of these, the chickens are looking on their phones at a dating app for someone to date. They make snarky comments about the chickens that appear then go crazy for a picture of regular Burger King fries. (Or in another case, a teenaged "daughter" chicken runs off with the "fries" which are sitting on a motorbike while Dad squawks in disapproval.) But in every case, the chicken is somehow romancing the fries. Which, okay?

Then the final image of "Chicken Fries" appears and the voiceover is that people can't get enough chicken fries or something.

I just don't get it. Is the implication that the chickens and fries had babies and these are the chicken fries? Or, for a darker interpretation, were the chickens baited by the fries then captured and served by Burger King? What's supposed to be the story here? So weird!

 

I have to laugh at the radio version, where the young female chicken is running off with her boyfriend the fries, much to the outrage of her parents.  At the end, the mother chicken yells, "Be sure to use condiments!"

[Sandman87]

The unholy spawn resulting from chickens having sex with french fries sounds like it could be an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Frylock gets lucky.

[Lola16]

Ah, daytime TV... 

 

http://www.ispot.tv/ad/78Vv/genie-hourglass-cinch-your-waist

 

The "genie hourglass waist trainer". Admit it, ad guys, it's a corset. Not a girdle, like the other things ads call "body shapers", but a modern version of a Victorian corset that gives you the same freaky shape as a Victorian lady. The only women who look remotely normal with that thing on are the ones in loose-fitting shirts.

It's lumpy looking!  The corset, not the fat spooging up and below it.  There must be some serious photoshopping going on in that commercial.  Like when Paula Abdul made herself thinner and taller in the music video with Arsenio Hall.

[Lola16]

So, Jake from State Farm has his own Twitter account.  https://twitter.com/JakeStateFarm

[6 MeowMeowBeenz]

apparently Jake from teh Farm has big things adoing. There was a spot last night of the "do not adjust your set" variety, promising something awesome in May..."tune in, Earthlings". WTH

Edited April 30, 2015 by 6 MeowMeowBeenz

[xaxat]

http://youtu.be/dk-cuZbN5GA

 

Dude seems willing to listen to their advice. I wonder if he knows Clark was a slave owner? 

 

(Does anyone know why my youtube embed doesn't work anymore?)

 

(Thanks!)

Edited May 2, 2015 by xaxat

[Rick Kitchen]

http://youtu.be/dk-cuZbN5GA

 

Dude seems willing to listen to their advice. I wonder if he knows Clark was a slave owner? 

 

(Does anyone know why my youtube embed doesn't work anymore?)

 

Take off the "s" from "https"

Edited May 2, 2015 by Rick Kitchen

[mojoween]

What is this I can't even.

[Bastet]

Here are the YouTube video embedding instructions, with what to include and what to avoid in order to please the forum software, xaxat.

[Jamoche]

What is this I can't even.

I can only make out about 1 in 10 of the words they're singing.

[Brattinella]

I didn't click that link because to my knowledge that is not a valid youtube link.  It has a dot between youtu and be.  WTH is that??

[Bastet]

I didn't click that link because to my knowledge that is not a valid youtube link.  It has a dot between youtu and be.  WTH is that??

 

I looked it up a while back, because I started seeing that all over the place and had the same hesitation -- it's just a URL shortener for YouTube links.

 

As for the commercial -- worst slumber party ever.

Edited May 2, 2015 by Bastet

[Brattinella]

Thank you Bastet!  I had no idea I was so far behind the times, that was 2009!

[Rick Kitchen]

What is this I can't even.

 

They showed that in the theater prior to "The Avengers" this afternoon.

[mojoween]

That's where I saw it. I mean, girls don't act like that. I've never ever complained about the stubble on my friend's legs. And I do not care WHAT they are doing with their bikini line.

[Prevailing Wind]

My theory is it's a sorority house of one of those *really* snooty sororities where only superficialities count.  I see they have their token fat girl... asshats.  And the folks that wrote the damn thing are even bigger asshats.

[bilgistic]

I feel rather disgusted at the message that sends. I fully understand Schick is trying to sell razors and their gross shaving gel that inflames my skin if I just walk past the can, but shaming young, impressionable women for having body hair, which is a COMPLETELY NATURAL function of being human, fills me with intense rage.

I have a several-years-old women's Schick Quattro that I like because of its weight and for which I buy refill cartridges, but I can only be bothered to shave my legs maybe once a month. Granted, I don't have a romantic partner, so that might change things. Anyway, between this commercial and the ridiculous two others with the topiaries-as-women's-pubic-hair, I've just decided I won't be buying Schick products anymore. Yes, I'm a drop in the ocean, but as a consumer, I speak with my wallet. I've had enough.

Edited May 3, 2015 by bilgistic

[Rick Kitchen]

My theory is it's a sorority house of one of those *really* snooty sororities where only superficialities count.  I see they have their token fat girl... asshats.  And the folks that wrote the damn thing are even bigger asshats.

 

I read it that the fat girl represents Fat Amy from Pitch Perfect, since that's the thing they're playing as.

[Prevailing Wind]

Well, see, I don't know what Pitch Perfect is, so it's lost on me.  But I'm not their target demo, anyway.

[Neurochick]

Then: "Mindy always felt invisible." Why? It's said like it's a fact. Is it the Hollywood thing again, the unspoken implication that she's not pretty enough (I find her adorable, but I know this has been a much-discussed topic by Kaling herself)? That she's a minority woman? It's just kind of yucky to me, as is the final comment of "There are worse things than an attractive woman touching your body." As other posters have noted, flip that and it's disturbing as hell.

 

 

I appreciate this commercial, and overlook the last part, because what Mindy is saying is sad but true.  I've seen white men look at a woman's skin color and then not even look at her face, as if to say, "you're brown, so I'm not even going to see you as a woman."

[BW Manilowe]

Well, see, I don't know what Pitch Perfect is, so it's lost on me. But I'm not their target demo, anyway.

Pitch Perfect is a movie starring, among others, Aussie actress Rebel Wilson--who starred in a failed comedy last season on ABC--about a capella singing groups/singing competitions. The sequel to the movie comes out very soon, apparently, & is the cover story in Entertainment Weekly magazine this week (a very pink cover).

[theatremouse]

Mindy is so likable that she actually makes it funnier than it should be, but the commercial is just terrible. The use of a celebrity actress just makes the assumption, from the get-go, that "Poor Mindy always felt invisible" -- well, no actually, she isn't, she has her own show -- just seems so forced to me..

I agree with your general gripe. However, I don't know if there's more than one version of this commercial? What I've seen does not use the text "Mindy felt invisible". The voiceover says "Mindy had always been treated as if she were invisible". (I'm paraphrasing the sentences, but my point is over the verbs in question: felt vs treated, emphasis mine). The ad also shows her then being treated as if invisible. So, while it's a little suspect to suggest a relatively famous/writer actress, who has several books out and her own show might recently be treated as invisible, that is what they were claiming and displaying in the scenes of the ad. They weren't relying on just her feelings, which to me, does make a little difference. They're not just asking us to buy "oh poor Mindy and how she feels", they did illustrate their premise. Yes they expand it to intended-to-be-comical extremes, but it starts with her being ignored and goes from there. Whether we believe it'd ever happen currently is separate. If they'd just been claiming she'd felt invisible, I'd be more inclined to think "ok why?" or "ok that's Mindy's issue to work out" because it's a little hard to believe given her current gig. But there was a bit of "show" here and not just a "tell".

[Brattinella]

I appreciate this commercial, and overlook the last part, because what Mindy is saying is sad but true.  I've seen white men look at a woman's skin color and then not even look at her face, as if to say, "you're brown, so I'm not even going to see you as a woman."

 

Wait until you get old, then LOTS of people will not see you as a person at all.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I appreciate this commercial, and overlook the last part, because what Mindy is saying is sad but true.  I've seen white men look at a woman's skin color and then not even look at her face, as if to say, "you're brown, so I'm not even going to see you as a woman."

 

I think the point that you can't gender-flip it without being creepy/sexist/whatever still stands, though. If it was Aziz Ansari doing the commercial and saying "There are worse things than an attractive man touching your body!" to some random woman playing basketball with her friends, the ad would either end with her and her friends chasing him down the street or with him being bundled into the back of a squad car.

[friendperidot]

 

 

Or stick a Q-tip into their ear.

Maybe they were trying to achieve eargasm.

As my friend put it, trying to perform brain surgery on himself with a Q-Tip.

[Ghost of TWOP Past]

I just saw an ad glamorizing this monstrous-big GMC SUV. And the music that went with this imagery? The Who's Eminence Front. Yeah, that song that's all about the emptiness of living for the sake of keeping up appearances and impressing the neighbors. 

[Maverick]

 I am so sick of the Anytown USA commercial.  Apparently so beer company "created" a town (populated solely by douchebags who auditioned to be there).   The worst part:  "this once-in-a-lifetime event is about to happen again".   Um, I don't think you understand what once-in-a-lifetime means, dumbass.

[BW Manilowe]

I *love* the product, but the commercial (at least 1 of them) for the new Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches drives me nuts--even though I realize it was written the way it was to focus on the Breakfast Sandwiches.

At the beginning, everybody in the family on the commercial is bummed out because their toaster is apparently broken, & they (supposedly) can't make their usual Eggo Waffles for breakfast. Then, suddenly, 1 of them smells something good coming from the direction of the microwave--which turns out to be the new Eggo Breakfast Sandwiches, so all is apparently right in the family's world again even though they have to eat the Breakfast Sandwiches instead of the Waffles.

Like I said even though I understand why the commercial is the way it is, it still drives me crazy. Mostly because the family is all bummed out because they (supposedly) can't have Eggo Waffles for breakfast because their toaster's broken.

The thing is, even with the broken toaster they should still be able to make freakin' frozen waffles for breakfast if they want to. They should be able to make the waffles in their regular oven, probably even their microwave or convection/toaster oven (if they have 1 of those). Which is the *huge* reason why this commercial bugs me, even though I know they have to be unable to make the waffles so they can have the new Breakfast Sandwiches instead.

My parents didn't buy an actual toaster for, literally, years. Until we got 1 my Mom always toasted bread & heated stuff like frozen waffles in our regular oven; when we got a microwave & companies started providing heating/cooking instructions for their products & microwaves, she did at least most of the frozen stuff in the microwave (but still toasted bread in the regular oven). So, yeah, if your toaster's broken or you don't have 1 you should still be able to make frozen waffles in a regular oven, toaster/convection oven, or microwave oven... Unlike in the commercial. Just saying.

[friendperidot]

BW, I don't care for any of the Eggo commercials, because they are too stupid to figure out anything about toasting or microwaving things. And why, for a family of 5 are they waiting for only one Eggo to toast at a time? I live alone, but I toast both sides of English Muffins at the same time, if I did Eggos, I would toast 2 if I wanted. And if they all want an Eggo first thing in the morning, why don't they buy a multi-slice toaster? I know, I know, it's for the product, but it drives me nuts.

Edited May 4, 2015 by friendperidot

[CoyoteBlue]

Pitch Perfect is a movie starring, among others, Aussie actress Rebel Wilson--who starred in a failed comedy last season on ABC--about a capella singing groups/singing competitions. 

 

Somewhere, Anna Kendrick is getting an inexplicable urge to kick an ad exec in the balls.